This week's Talk Tuesday topics include, "Submissive Missing Dominant", "Online/Long Distance Submission", and "New D/s Couple".
Question #1) "My Dominant is always on the road and I miss him a lot. I get depressed even though he tries to call me when he stops for a break. Is this normal? Do you have any suggestions for me to help me stay out of this funk and to feel better?"
Question #1) "My Dominant is always on the road and I miss him a lot. I get depressed even though he tries to call me when he stops for a break. Is this normal? Do you have any suggestions for me to help me stay out of this funk and to feel better?"
Long distance relationships can be hard, especially on a D/s couple. You want that feeling of service, that closeness and satisfaction of just being with your dominant. Although nothing can replace the feeling of your dominant being there in person with you, there are some things that I can suggest to you in order to help you feel better.
- When you are in one of the really low times, put on one of his shirts and snuggle with his pillow. Ask him to buy you a special stuffed animal and snuggle with it.
- Keep his pictures on all of your electronic devices so you can see him anytime you wish.
- If you are in a mood to talk to him, but know he can't talk to you right then, send him an email or text message anyway. You might send him multiple messages before he is able to respond, but this way, it's kind of like talking to him. You are communicating to him.
- Ask him to make a weekly task list that has something specific for you to do for him each day. When you complete the task, take pictures and send it to him. The tasks can range from cooking special dishes, dressing up in certain clothes, writing, or reading about a specific subject.
For further information:
Question #2) "I am in an online relationship with a dominant that lives halfway around the world. Because of the time differences and our real life situations, I don't get to stay in touch with him as much as I would like. Many times I don't even feel like I'm a real submissive because of this. I love my Dom but I need to feel more submissive and closer to him. I need more contact with him. Any advice?"
There are many ways you can closer to your dominant using technology. With all of the different cell phone and tablet applications available, there are a wide variety, and often free, number of ways to feel closer to your dominant and at the same time feel more submissive.
If you love the feelings you get when you are on a leash connected physically to your Dominant, use your phone as a way for your dominant to know where you are at all times. Perform 'check ins' on Google + or Facebook. This way, he can track you wherever you may be, even if he is half way around the world. If you do not wear a collar at all times, outside the house especially, ask your Dominant to pick one for you that is acceptable to be seen in public places and could be mistaken as a piece of jewelry. The weight on your neck will make you feel connected and remind you of who owns you always, no matter where you may be.
These are only a couple of ways that technology can help you. If you read and research different apps on the internet, I am sure you find more ways.
For more information, please read:
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2012/12/feeling-more-submissive-with-technology.html
Question #3) "My boyfriend wants to start exploring a Dominant - submissive relationship. Neither one of us has any experience except for what little we have read online. We don't want to get into the hard sex stuff yet and are more interested in the softer side of things. Can you give us a starting point? All advice will be greatly appreciated."
There are many things that go into the making of a strong D/s relationship. First, you have to know exactly what you are getting into. To do this, you need to read as much about the different ways to practice a BDSM lifestyle as you can. Gain a basic knowledge of the different roles and responsibilities. As you have no doubt seen in your limited searches, there are an infinite number of ways one can practice D/s. Find, read, understand and fill out a Limits worksheet. This will give you both an idea of what you want to do, not do, and might want to explore at a later date. Next, find a basic D/s contract that you can fill in. This usually lists out what each of you expect from the other such as rules, protocols, rituals, punishments, and other relevant information included in the relationship.
Always remember the foundations of all BDSM relationships are: Open, Two way communication; Honesty, and Trust. This means never lying to each other no matter the subject. Never holding back any feelings whether good or bad. And never giving the other person a reason not to trust you.
Here are links to posts I recommend for all new beginners:
Roles and Relationships in BDSM
The Differences in BDSM Relationships
Foundations of a D/s relationship
Limits in a BDSM Relationship
BDSM Contracts
Safewords
Punishments in BDSM
I hope you enjoyed this week's Talk Tuesday topics. If you have any comments or additions you would like to add, please feel free to leave a comment.
If you have any questions you would like advice on, send an email to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com
If you love the feelings you get when you are on a leash connected physically to your Dominant, use your phone as a way for your dominant to know where you are at all times. Perform 'check ins' on Google + or Facebook. This way, he can track you wherever you may be, even if he is half way around the world. If you do not wear a collar at all times, outside the house especially, ask your Dominant to pick one for you that is acceptable to be seen in public places and could be mistaken as a piece of jewelry. The weight on your neck will make you feel connected and remind you of who owns you always, no matter where you may be.
These are only a couple of ways that technology can help you. If you read and research different apps on the internet, I am sure you find more ways.
For more information, please read:
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2012/12/feeling-more-submissive-with-technology.html
Question #3) "My boyfriend wants to start exploring a Dominant - submissive relationship. Neither one of us has any experience except for what little we have read online. We don't want to get into the hard sex stuff yet and are more interested in the softer side of things. Can you give us a starting point? All advice will be greatly appreciated."
There are many things that go into the making of a strong D/s relationship. First, you have to know exactly what you are getting into. To do this, you need to read as much about the different ways to practice a BDSM lifestyle as you can. Gain a basic knowledge of the different roles and responsibilities. As you have no doubt seen in your limited searches, there are an infinite number of ways one can practice D/s. Find, read, understand and fill out a Limits worksheet. This will give you both an idea of what you want to do, not do, and might want to explore at a later date. Next, find a basic D/s contract that you can fill in. This usually lists out what each of you expect from the other such as rules, protocols, rituals, punishments, and other relevant information included in the relationship.
Always remember the foundations of all BDSM relationships are: Open, Two way communication; Honesty, and Trust. This means never lying to each other no matter the subject. Never holding back any feelings whether good or bad. And never giving the other person a reason not to trust you.
Here are links to posts I recommend for all new beginners:
Roles and Relationships in BDSM
The Differences in BDSM Relationships
Foundations of a D/s relationship
Limits in a BDSM Relationship
BDSM Contracts
Safewords
Punishments in BDSM
I hope you enjoyed this week's Talk Tuesday topics. If you have any comments or additions you would like to add, please feel free to leave a comment.
If you have any questions you would like advice on, send an email to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com
Share this post - support us:
You might notice that Talk Tuesday is being posted on Wednesday this week.
It follows Thanksgiving weekend in the USA. We celebrated it here in Italy also with lots of cooking and eating! Real life has been hectic the past week with the holidays and decorating for Christmas. Sorry for being late, but I think the wait was worth it! This week's topic's cover "A Shy Submissive", "Broken Trust", and "Sub drop".
Question #1) "Being painfully shy and also a single submissive it is difficult to find the courage to get out and meet people like myself. I became a ghost writer to be able to tell my stories to the world and am just now trying my hand at Erotic Romance... Though I am computer savvy I don't care much for the BDSM online scene at all, with chat rooms being like one big feeding ground. Is there any hope for me? I am on Fetlife following the local groups, but haven't spoken to anyone yet. Any advice for me?"
If you want a real life experience or relationship, I suggest start looking for a local Munch in your area. If you are too shy to go on your own, ask a friend to go with you. If that's not an option, contact the Munch organizer, tell her/he you're new and ask if he/she could introduce you around and help you get comfortable.
If you are only wanting to stay online for now, I suggest finding and joining several submissive support and education groups. Stay, watch and see if it's the type of group you want to be involved in. When you are comfortable, start participating. Many of these groups are great ways to learn more about the BDSM lifestyle by reading the different Q&As in them.
For more information:
findamunch.com/
www.submissiveguide.com/2011/12/the-secret-of-communicating-when-you-are-shy/
Question #2) "I am writing you because I need guidance and behavior tips and overall help. I'm totally new to dom/sub lifestyle . I have recently started dating my adorable dom and he was very honest from the beginning and explained that he was interested in a sub lady .. At first didn't know what he was talking about when I researched I was totally amused thinking that that is what I been looking for in alll my failed relationships.. We talked and I told him that I am willing to explore my sub side and so far we great !!! Now few weeks ago my ex was in a messed up situation and he asked mi to stay in my house for few days ..I did agree but never consulted my dom ..Now he refused to leave an broke the door ....I explained what happened to my dom. And he went mad and saying that u have disrespected him and he has lost all the trust he had in me. we really care for each other and I can see him as my long term dom. The incident with my ex is all resolved as I called the police an he left.:... My prob now is that I really want to show my dom that I am his ....I belong to him I always did. I was only trying to help someone. Just want to be the woman he needs and for him see me as the woman he wants. How can I achieve it?"
The first mistake was not telling your Dom about your ex staying at your house. Whether in a BDSM or vanilla relationship, this omission is considered lying. Without trust and honesty, there can be no relationship. The first thing you should have done before agreeing to anything was to tell your Dominant the situation and ask his permission for the ex to stay. When you didn't ask his permission and hid the situation completely, you broke the trust. I don't have any magic answers or advice for this situation, unfortunately. It's completely up to your Dom to decide if he wants to take a second chance on a relationship with you. If he does or if you enter into a new D/s relationship, make sure that you have all rules, protocols and limits written down in a formal contract so you each know what to expect from the other. If you ever have a doubt on whether to ask your Dom something or not, always ask him. It's better to ask than hide something. Good luck either way.
For further information:
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2014/05/when-bdsm-relationship-ends.html
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2012/12/foundations-of-ds-relationship-softer.html
bdsmunveiled.com/2013/01/undesirable-traits-in-submissives.html
Question #3) "How to recognize sub drop when it is occurring and how to deal when one is alone with sub drop because their Dom can't physically be there for them."
Sub Drop can come in many different forms. Sub Drop is the emotional and physical effects of the release and drop of endorphins in the body after a play session. Since the increase of hormones and chemicals has produced a trance-like state (subspace), as play ends the submissive may feel out-of-body, detached from reality. As the sub's system stops producing morphine-like drugs, and as the nervous system kicks in again, the sub may feel a deep exhaustion, a sharp drop in temperature, as well as incoherence and uncoordinated.You could feel like you have a hangover or partied too hard the night before, you could feel lost and depressed for hours or days. You may just want to sleep it off. These are the more extreme forms of Drop. Some people recover in a matter of hours, but others could exhibit signs of Sub Drop for weeks after an intense session.
There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.
I hope you enjoyed this week's topics. If you have additional information you want to share, please leave a comment below!
If you have a question you want answered or a situation you need advice on, please send me an email to bdsmunveiled@gmail.com.
It follows Thanksgiving weekend in the USA. We celebrated it here in Italy also with lots of cooking and eating! Real life has been hectic the past week with the holidays and decorating for Christmas. Sorry for being late, but I think the wait was worth it! This week's topic's cover "A Shy Submissive", "Broken Trust", and "Sub drop".
Question #1) "Being painfully shy and also a single submissive it is difficult to find the courage to get out and meet people like myself. I became a ghost writer to be able to tell my stories to the world and am just now trying my hand at Erotic Romance... Though I am computer savvy I don't care much for the BDSM online scene at all, with chat rooms being like one big feeding ground. Is there any hope for me? I am on Fetlife following the local groups, but haven't spoken to anyone yet. Any advice for me?"
If you want a real life experience or relationship, I suggest start looking for a local Munch in your area. If you are too shy to go on your own, ask a friend to go with you. If that's not an option, contact the Munch organizer, tell her/he you're new and ask if he/she could introduce you around and help you get comfortable.
If you are only wanting to stay online for now, I suggest finding and joining several submissive support and education groups. Stay, watch and see if it's the type of group you want to be involved in. When you are comfortable, start participating. Many of these groups are great ways to learn more about the BDSM lifestyle by reading the different Q&As in them.
For more information:
findamunch.com/
www.submissiveguide.com/2011/12/the-secret-of-communicating-when-you-are-shy/
The first mistake was not telling your Dom about your ex staying at your house. Whether in a BDSM or vanilla relationship, this omission is considered lying. Without trust and honesty, there can be no relationship. The first thing you should have done before agreeing to anything was to tell your Dominant the situation and ask his permission for the ex to stay. When you didn't ask his permission and hid the situation completely, you broke the trust. I don't have any magic answers or advice for this situation, unfortunately. It's completely up to your Dom to decide if he wants to take a second chance on a relationship with you. If he does or if you enter into a new D/s relationship, make sure that you have all rules, protocols and limits written down in a formal contract so you each know what to expect from the other. If you ever have a doubt on whether to ask your Dom something or not, always ask him. It's better to ask than hide something. Good luck either way.
For further information:
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2014/05/when-bdsm-relationship-ends.html
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2012/12/foundations-of-ds-relationship-softer.html
bdsmunveiled.com/2013/01/undesirable-traits-in-submissives.html
Question #3) "How to recognize sub drop when it is occurring and how to deal when one is alone with sub drop because their Dom can't physically be there for them."
There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.
- Recognize what it is. This is important, if you don't accept it for what it is, then you can talk yourself into a much worse state.
- Keep in contact with your play partner, tell them how you are feeling and seek reassurance from them that all is well. We all need to hear that we did good and that our partners enjoyed the scene as much as we did.
- Pamper yourself. Spend the day doing things you really enjoy. Long hot bubble bathes, manicures/pedicure, get your hair done. Anything that is going to help you feel better about yourself.
- Eat well and drink plenty of fluids. Your body is still in recovery process, so feed it well.
- Talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Find someone who can listen without judging and let it all out. If you need to cry do so, it's therapeutic.
For further reading:
I hope you enjoyed this week's topics. If you have additional information you want to share, please leave a comment below!
If you have a question you want answered or a situation you need advice on, please send me an email to bdsmunveiled@gmail.com.
Share this post - support us:
