Think about when you are happiest.
Is it when you are in submissive situations? Serving your Dominant? Do you get grumpy or feel out of sorts when life or other outside forces disturb your well established, submissive routines? What happens if many things hit you all at once and totally screw up the nice little world you and your Dominant have worked so hard to establish and maintain?
As many of you know, if you read me on a pretty regular basis, I am pretty much a happy person all the time. Yes, of course I have days or times I am not as happy as others, but as a whole I do see a world full of rainbows. The main reason is due to the wonderful, happy bubble my Padrone Marco Fegatofi keeps me in all the time. He knows that I am most happy when I am serving him, following his instructions, working on our internet pages, etc. He always tries to keep any negativity, stress, drama, and other bad things away from me and deals with them by himself. He has done an extremely good job over the past two years we have lived together.
But every now and then, my happy bubble gets a leak! In the course of a week, too many negatives hit me all at once. So, now that a couple of weeks have passed, I have to look into my inner self and try to re-balance my inner submissive and reestablish my happy bubble.
First, to make it clear, my submissiveness to Padrone has never waned. My inner happy balance has taken several hits though. I don't deal with stress well and if bad news comes in different ways all at once, well, I have seizures. That's my body's way of dealing with it because of my epilepsy. Now that the worst of the negative things have passed, how do I get my happy bubble back and sealed once again?
Is it when you are in submissive situations? Serving your Dominant? Do you get grumpy or feel out of sorts when life or other outside forces disturb your well established, submissive routines? What happens if many things hit you all at once and totally screw up the nice little world you and your Dominant have worked so hard to establish and maintain?
As many of you know, if you read me on a pretty regular basis, I am pretty much a happy person all the time. Yes, of course I have days or times I am not as happy as others, but as a whole I do see a world full of rainbows. The main reason is due to the wonderful, happy bubble my Padrone Marco Fegatofi keeps me in all the time. He knows that I am most happy when I am serving him, following his instructions, working on our internet pages, etc. He always tries to keep any negativity, stress, drama, and other bad things away from me and deals with them by himself. He has done an extremely good job over the past two years we have lived together.
But every now and then, my happy bubble gets a leak! In the course of a week, too many negatives hit me all at once. So, now that a couple of weeks have passed, I have to look into my inner self and try to re-balance my inner submissive and reestablish my happy bubble.
First, to make it clear, my submissiveness to Padrone has never waned. My inner happy balance has taken several hits though. I don't deal with stress well and if bad news comes in different ways all at once, well, I have seizures. That's my body's way of dealing with it because of my epilepsy. Now that the worst of the negative things have passed, how do I get my happy bubble back and sealed once again?
- I remind myself of how lucky I am to be with the man and Master of my dreams.
- I remind myself that the negatives are past so now it is time to forget them and move on.
- I asked Padrone for more attention and snuggle time. That always helps me come back into balance whenever it gets out of whack.
- I write about my experience in hopes that it will help others that may go through similar hard times. Writing and helping others always make me feel good.
- First, make sure your connection with your Dominant is solid and lean on him/her.
- Second, do more of the things that make you happy (Submissive tasks, writing, cooking, family time, Dominant attention time, etc). Make sure whatever it is that makes your world a happy place normally, is being done on a daily basis if you can.
- Third, take time every day to remind yourself of what you have to be grateful for and happy about.
- Forth, try to let the negative feelings go. This is the hardest thing for me. But after bad events are over and done with, it does your body and mind no good to dwell on them. Look to the future.
- Fifth, think of your happy place! My personal happy place is when I am in Padrone's arms. That is my shelter and when I feel the best. Is yours when you are on your knees beside your Dominant? Buried under a special blanket? Whatever it is, always keep that image and the awesome feelings close to your heart and in your head so you can think of it when you are down or sad.
I don't know if these techniques will help you reestablish your own happy balance, but I hope they help.
Share this post - support us:
As you all know, so many pages containing BDSM and Adult content were suspended or deleted by FB this past week. While we are fighting to retain the right to be represented on various social media sites, we should also take the time to rebuild a bigger, stronger, and closer nit community.
There are many petty feuds between people and groups because of differing opinions or just personality clashes. Let's all try to put those aside and come together as a real online community of BDSM practitioners to combat those that are trying to dictate their beliefs on how the world should be run and what morals are right. As intelligent and rational adults, I believe we have the right to make that choice ourselves.
Yes, I realize many of you might think my enthusiasm or passion for trying to combat this censorship of Adult Content on the social media sites is futile, maybe even laughable. You may laugh. You may not agree with me at all. Because of my belief in and love for this Lifestyle and being a 24/7 slave to my Padrone, it has become my mission in life to help guide those new to the scene find their own path and way of practicing a BDSM relationship. I can not begin to tell you what a nightmare my life was and how lost I had become before meeting and submitting to Padrone. I truly believe it saved my sanity and my true personality.
BDSM International's appeal was denied and the original page is set to be deleted. So, I made a new page called BDSM International 2.0. I am looking at this as an opportunity to begin anew. We had over 35,200 when FB shut us down, but many of them were not active at all on the site. I am hoping that the new followers will be comprised of a larger, more interactive group so that we can debate, trade ideas, and learn together in a safe environment.
So, if you are thinking of rebuilding your page, think of it as not only a protest against FB in the fact that we just keep rebuilding and refuse to give up our presence on social media sites, but an opportunity to gain a closer, more interactive audience and the grass roots of rebuilding a stronger community.
.jpg)
Share this post - support us:
Have you been on Facebook lately and noticed that many of your favorite pages are missing? Wonder why this happened? Here is a little background history.
Laura Bates, founder of the Everyday Sexism Project, writer and activist Soraya Chemaly and Jaclyn Friedman from Women, Action & the Media joined forces to launch the hashtag Twitter campaign #FBRape in May 2013. The campaign focuses on content that portrays rape and violence against women positively. More than 50,000 have tweeted in support of the FBrape campaign and around 5,000 have emailed brands whose advertising appears around the content.
Following the week long campaign blitz, at least 15 International companies pulled their ads, including Nissan UK, Nationwide UK, J Street and WestHost. On May 29, 2013, Facebook announced it would update its policies on hate speech, increase accountability of content creators and train staff to be more responsive to complaints, marking a victory for women's rights activists.
Now, we do support the removal of pictures portraying abused women and children from Facebook. But, there has to be a line drawn when they go overboard with picture removal and start closing legitimate educational BDSM Lifestyle pages. What the general public and FB doesn't seem to understand is that BDSM is a way of living between two or more consenting adults. Yes, it is not mainstream and there are many aspects of it that would be deemed vile or the regression of women's rights because some of us choose to happily and willing submit to a man.
However, BDSM is not only made up of male Dominants and female submissives. There are female Dominants and submissives, male Dominants and submissives, and Transgender Dominants and submissives. We are a wide and diverse community. Our practices are not aimed at harming anyone, nor are they done without consent. During play (a scene) where any form of S&M is involved, the submissive has a safety net of sorts by having the ability to use a safeword for any reason. A safeword is a word that stops all play and the submissive is immediately taken out of any action they may be in and cared for.
There are several feminist groups that support our right to live our lifestyle as we want, but there are also many moralist and feminist groups that deem BDSM as harmful, immoral, and indecent. The reason they think it's wrong is because they do not understand deeply what BDSM really is.
One of the most caring, deep, and honest relationships I have ever witnessed are those that live a BDSM Lifestyle. The core foundations of a true loving D/s relationship is trust, complete honesty, and open, two way communication.
However, BDSM is not only made up of male Dominants and female submissives. There are female Dominants and submissives, male Dominants and submissives, and Transgender Dominants and submissives. We are a wide and diverse community. Our practices are not aimed at harming anyone, nor are they done without consent. During play (a scene) where any form of S&M is involved, the submissive has a safety net of sorts by having the ability to use a safeword for any reason. A safeword is a word that stops all play and the submissive is immediately taken out of any action they may be in and cared for.
There are several feminist groups that support our right to live our lifestyle as we want, but there are also many moralist and feminist groups that deem BDSM as harmful, immoral, and indecent. The reason they think it's wrong is because they do not understand deeply what BDSM really is.
One of the most caring, deep, and honest relationships I have ever witnessed are those that live a BDSM Lifestyle. The core foundations of a true loving D/s relationship is trust, complete honesty, and open, two way communication.
The fallout of the FBrape campaign has been the trampling of the BDSM Community's rights to have a presence on social media sites. There have been hundreds of legitimate Facebook pages that have been unpublished and deleted since FB's policy changes were introduced. Some pages have put in appeals and have been restored.
It seems like the overall morals of society and the internet companies are suddenly taking a step back in time by bowing to the moralist groups and allowing them to dictate what everyone else's beliefs should be, thus inhibiting the rights of minority groups to have freedom of speech and expression. I realize because of the monetary loss to Facebook's revenue, they may not have a choice but to bow to the moralist beliefs of the Feminist groups pressuring them. But surely, they are a big enough company and believe in the rights of freedom of expression and freedom of speech, to implement changes that would balance the wants of the moralist groups while allowing us to live and express ourselves as we want to.
We understand that parents are worried about what their children see on the internet, but it is not our responsibility to police them. We use the built in page settings to make sure no one under age is allowed to see our pages. Parents have to take responsibility for their own children's actions and learn to monitor their internet usage more.
Facebook should also take off the option that allows your friends to see what content you are linking and change it to people having to allow chosen individuals the option to see their likes. As of today, if you don't like or agree with certain pages or content on FB, you can always choose the option to block that page so you won't ever see their content. To me, this seems like it would be the obvious and adult option to take.
So, where does this leave us as a community? Apparently out in the cold or back in the closet, unless we get an organized campaign together to combat these changes and demand our own rights.
I ask all of you, please tweet, email, call, knock on doors, and contact everyone you can think of that will help us get the word out as well as to come together as a community to demand our equal rights to be seen and heard. Use the hashtag #StopBDSMFBCensorship in all of your protest communications.
It seems like the overall morals of society and the internet companies are suddenly taking a step back in time by bowing to the moralist groups and allowing them to dictate what everyone else's beliefs should be, thus inhibiting the rights of minority groups to have freedom of speech and expression. I realize because of the monetary loss to Facebook's revenue, they may not have a choice but to bow to the moralist beliefs of the Feminist groups pressuring them. But surely, they are a big enough company and believe in the rights of freedom of expression and freedom of speech, to implement changes that would balance the wants of the moralist groups while allowing us to live and express ourselves as we want to.
We understand that parents are worried about what their children see on the internet, but it is not our responsibility to police them. We use the built in page settings to make sure no one under age is allowed to see our pages. Parents have to take responsibility for their own children's actions and learn to monitor their internet usage more.
Facebook should also take off the option that allows your friends to see what content you are linking and change it to people having to allow chosen individuals the option to see their likes. As of today, if you don't like or agree with certain pages or content on FB, you can always choose the option to block that page so you won't ever see their content. To me, this seems like it would be the obvious and adult option to take.
So, where does this leave us as a community? Apparently out in the cold or back in the closet, unless we get an organized campaign together to combat these changes and demand our own rights.
I ask all of you, please tweet, email, call, knock on doors, and contact everyone you can think of that will help us get the word out as well as to come together as a community to demand our equal rights to be seen and heard. Use the hashtag #StopBDSMFBCensorship in all of your protest communications.
Share this post - support us:
There are so many ways to practice the BDSM Lifestyle. There are so many different types of people in the world that they are bound to be clashes at some point. But, we all have to be adult enough to put those clashes aside.
To get anything done and actually make a difference in any of the FB policies, we have to unite together as a united front, beyond our differences, petty arguments, and disagreements. We have to show that we are one community and we are all fighting for the same goal.
If we come at the world like a crazed mob, calling those that disagree with us bad names, sending hate mail, or shouting at the top of our lungs how our way is the right way, we will never get anywhere or be taken seriously.
So, please, if you are doing anything to help us #StopBDSMFBCensorship , then get on board and help us in creative and intelligent ways so we do present a united, intelligent front.
I am part of a group that is growing rapidly and we are working toward the same goal as one unit. If you would like to join, please contact me or comment below.
Thank you and keep up the fight!
Michelle Fegatofi
Below is a list of sites to tweet a message to with the hashtag #StopBDSMFBCensorship . Feel free to send me any suggestions for more people or organizations that will help further our cause. If you know any people in the media or in wide spread organizations, please contact them and let them know of our cause.
Please get out there and spread the word!
@bdsmovementnet Pls help promote the cause against FB shutting down BDSM pages #StopBDSMfbCensorship http://goo.gl/hXlXd
https://twitter.com/FetLife
https://twitter.com/informedconsent
https://twitter.com/AlterNet
https://twitter.com/subguide
https://twitter.com/cnn
https://twitter.com/bbc
https://twitter.com/BBCWorld
https://twitter.com/cbs
https://twitter.com/wikileaks
https://twitter.com/aljazeera
https://twitter.com/abc
https://twitter.com/abcnews
https://twitter.com/Independent_ie
https://twitter.com/time
https://twitter.com/Tweet__News
https://twitter.com/scoopit
https://twitter.com/NCSF
https://twitter.com/informedconsent
https://twitter.com/AlterNet
https://twitter.com/subguide
https://twitter.com/cnn
https://twitter.com/bbc
https://twitter.com/BBCWorld
https://twitter.com/cbs
https://twitter.com/wikileaks
https://twitter.com/aljazeera
https://twitter.com/abc
https://twitter.com/abcnews
https://twitter.com/Independent_ie
https://twitter.com/time
https://twitter.com/Tweet__News
https://twitter.com/scoopit
https://twitter.com/NCSF
Share this post - support us:
If you are on Twitter, Please get the message out to stop FB from deleting pages. Use the hashtag
#StopBDSMFBCensorship to help get the word out faster! You can also use it on all social media sites!
Share this post - support us:
Hello all!
Well, in case you haven't heard, over on FB over 90 BDSM pages have been deleted because of this ridiculous witch hunt started by those freakin feminist groups that have nothing better to do than judge our lifestyle by their values. One of those pages was my page named BDSM International.
Please if you have not already, go here and sign the petition to stop BDSM pages from being targeted as violent pages when we are not!
http://www.change.org/petitions/facebook-stop-targeting-bdsm-pages-as-violence-against-women?utm_campaign=share_button_mobile&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition
Share this post - support us:
New people tend to want to jump in head first into a BDSM relationship without having any clue what will make them happy or really having even the most basic understand of a true M/s or D/s relationship.
Each time I shake my head and tell myself "here is another one with no clue". It is a relationship that always ends up in heartbreak.
After being inundated with several questions about various do's and don'ts in a BDSM relationship, I decided pose a question to my FB audience asking them what they thought would be a Deadly Sin in a BDSM relationship.
Here is an amalgamation of the answers:
- Dishonesty - outright lying, with holding information of any kind, being fake about likes or responses
- Disrespect - topping from the bottom, talking about your Dom in a bad way to others
- Infidelity - taking orders from other Dominants, flirting or interacting with others without permission
- Not taking care of yourself properly
- Not using a safe word
- Not communicating openly
- Topping from the bottom
Now, after reading the list, you are thinking that many of the items listed are the same things you should not do in any type of relationship, vanilla or BDSM. That is true. But, in our world, committing any of these 'sins', can cause a deeper wound just from the fact that our connections tend to be deeper than those in a vanilla relationship.
Many people will take anything. This is a statement that applies equally to both dominant and submissive people. When you see what happens, especially online, you will agree with this sentiment. People submit to one simply because he says he is a "Dom" (or Master). It never occurs to them to question the validity of what this person is truly about. They simply take the statements as fact and whatever the Dom does or says as Law.
Why do I call this list "Deadly Sins"? Because, as a submissive, every 'sin' could be grounds for a harsh punishment, or if bad enough, your collar taken away. As a Dominant, these could cause your sub to lose trust in you and your fellow Dominants to lose all respect for you.
The online world is wrought with fakes, pretenders, and disappointment. We all encounter the same thing. Persistence is something that is required. Some are fortunate to hit what they like the first time; most are not. It takes a while to sift through all that doesn't work before finding what does. BDSM relationships are built on a foundation of trust, respect, and open communication. That includes many branches, such as not lying, respecting your role and not overstepping your bounds.
So, bottom line, don't commit any of the 'Deadly Sins' and always keep communications open and honest.
Share this post - support us:
Respect is very important in the lifestyle.
A Master’s place is above a submissive or slave and when you are a slave, your place is of complete submission. A Master is very flexible and fair, but rules are important. One of the biggest rules is respect for your Master and those around Him at all times. Failure to do so not only embarrasses those around you, but your Master as well. To embarrass your Master is to cause shame not only on Him but yourself. You represent your Master and if He is not pleased then you are not worthy of His presence.
Sometimes we say things that are mean or hurtful during an argument or disagreement. We also might be very disrespectful or thoughtless with our choice of words if we are stressed or sick. But, as submissives or slaves, we have an extra responsibility to ourselves, our training, and most of all, our Dominants, to think before we speak, even in highly volatile or emotional periods.
Words have power. People are pretty careless with the words they choose when in an emotional or stressful situation. Your words will define who you are and who you are not. Contrary to what many people think, once the words are out of your mouth, no amount of apologizing will put them back in. I know it is really hard to stop when you are so pissed off at your Dominant during an argument, but it is your duty to think. Just because you are in a highly emotional state, don’t ruin your relationship or get your collar taken away by being so careless with your words.
Being a sub or slave means to give all of yourself and to be an example to those around you. Behaving in a manner not befitting a slave shows your training and extends to your Master. People will think of Him as to soft and unworthy of leadership. Therefore a slave should always behave and become a model for others to follow. Master's teachings should be ever present in her everyday activities including in public.
If you are out without your Master, you should always remember what you were taught and your guidelines of how to react if certain situations arise. Even if your Master is not with you and there is no way he would ever find out about your behavior, it is your duty to watch your words, actions, and the way you present yourself to the world because you are a reflection of Him.
I am not saying that you should not defend yourself if you are verbally assaulted or someone says something rude to you, but take the high road and don’t stoop to that level. If you can, just walk away because you are better than getting into street arguments.
The main thing to remember is to always think before you speak. Always remember your place and the respect you have for you Master and yourself.
A Master’s place is above a submissive or slave and when you are a slave, your place is of complete submission. A Master is very flexible and fair, but rules are important. One of the biggest rules is respect for your Master and those around Him at all times. Failure to do so not only embarrasses those around you, but your Master as well. To embarrass your Master is to cause shame not only on Him but yourself. You represent your Master and if He is not pleased then you are not worthy of His presence.
Sometimes we say things that are mean or hurtful during an argument or disagreement. We also might be very disrespectful or thoughtless with our choice of words if we are stressed or sick. But, as submissives or slaves, we have an extra responsibility to ourselves, our training, and most of all, our Dominants, to think before we speak, even in highly volatile or emotional periods.
Words have power. People are pretty careless with the words they choose when in an emotional or stressful situation. Your words will define who you are and who you are not. Contrary to what many people think, once the words are out of your mouth, no amount of apologizing will put them back in. I know it is really hard to stop when you are so pissed off at your Dominant during an argument, but it is your duty to think. Just because you are in a highly emotional state, don’t ruin your relationship or get your collar taken away by being so careless with your words.
Being a sub or slave means to give all of yourself and to be an example to those around you. Behaving in a manner not befitting a slave shows your training and extends to your Master. People will think of Him as to soft and unworthy of leadership. Therefore a slave should always behave and become a model for others to follow. Master's teachings should be ever present in her everyday activities including in public.
If you are out without your Master, you should always remember what you were taught and your guidelines of how to react if certain situations arise. Even if your Master is not with you and there is no way he would ever find out about your behavior, it is your duty to watch your words, actions, and the way you present yourself to the world because you are a reflection of Him.
I am not saying that you should not defend yourself if you are verbally assaulted or someone says something rude to you, but take the high road and don’t stoop to that level. If you can, just walk away because you are better than getting into street arguments.
The main thing to remember is to always think before you speak. Always remember your place and the respect you have for you Master and yourself.
Share this post - support us:
