If you have not read Part 1 of our story, please do so first so this will make more sense.
My husband became increasingly angry at everything. He became more and more distant, colder than before, and scarier. His attitude and mannerisms became neurotic and paranoid, and the mental and verbal abuse increased. Padrone and I had been in almost constant contact because he was worried about my husband snapping and physically doing harm to me or the children. He came close with me a couple of times, but never physically harmed us. He never showed any signs that he would ever harm the boys, and I never thought he would.
In late July 2011, our internet and lights got cut off because he didn't pay the bills. I still have no idea where all the hundreds of thousands of dollars he conned from those poor unsuspecting people and investors went. He definitely wasn't using it to pay bills. He let the plates and insurance expire on both of our cars and didn't even pay the monthly payments on them. But luckily, I still had my connection to the internet through my Blackberry and to Padrone. I could not loose that connection. He was the only ray of sunshine in an ever darkening world. At that time, things were so bad for me that I couldn't even find joy in my children anymore, even though I loved them unconditionally. My mental health was literally deteriorating.
I told Padrone about the problem with the bills because I had to get it off my chest. Completely and unexpectedly, he sent me $1100 via wire transfer. He had never met me in person. He just went with his instincts and followed his heart and trusted that I wasn't scamming him. I went to Walmart and picked it up, telling my husband my Mom had paid the bills for us to get the internet and electricity back on. After getting everything reconnected, I had about $700 left over. I hid it in an old purse that I wasn't using in order to keep it from being taken by my husband. For about 1 1/2 years prior, he never allowed me to have any money, except for very specific things. He would only give me money to go get coffee with my friends because he expected me to keep up appearances. He wouldn't even give me money for gas. He wouldn't allow me to use any debit or credit cards. I was completely and totally at his mercy.
Padrone made plans to come to the US to see me in mid-August of 2011. At that time, we had toyed with the idea of moving so we could finally live together, but had not made any solid plans because we lived in different countries, I had children and was still living with my husband. For my own mental health and because of my growing dependence on Padrone for guidance, strength and emotional support, I had been spending all of my time with my head buried on my phone. No matter where I was, as long as I could talk to Padrone, I was going to do so, even if it was just mundane things.
My husband started getting suspicious because of the amount of time I was spending on the phone. He had paid little to no attention to me in over 4 years or longer, but all of a sudden took an interest. I think his increasing paranoia made him suspicious of everyone and everything. He believed that someone was always trying to "get him". By then, he didn't care anything about me, but didn't want to lose his free housekeeper/cook/babysitter/secretary. He stayed up for three days and nights, barely sleeping, trying to find evidence of what I was doing because he had no clue. He was that detached from what was going on in my and the boys lives, as well as to our daily routines. I had been online for at least 2.5 years reconnecting to the BDSM community.
He found evidence of my relationship with Padrone and went ballistic! He started throwing stuff all around the house. He got in my face and kept threatening to beat me and hoping that I would have a seizure and stop breathing. He looked like a completely insane or psychotic person. I had never seen him that crazy before. I was shaking and yes, I did have many seizures because of his emotional and mental abuse.
He took my cell phone away and demanded the password to get in. I wouldn't give it to him. He took all of my identification away. He took my car keys and house keys away. He took all the home phones out of the house, as well as disconnected the computers, except for one in the office. He then slept in the home office to guard the computer to ensure I could not use it or have any contact with the outside world. He would not let me leave the house for three days. In those three days, he took over all of my email accounts, vanilla and BDSM online accounts, and every other account I had. He changed the passwords and pretended to be me.
All of my friends on FB thought I had gone crazy at first, but quickly figured out it was him and they blocked that compromised account. He sent threatening, demented sounding emails to Padrone telling him he better not come to California because something bad would happen to him. When he wasn't harassing my friends online, he was harassing me at home. He would make threats to hit me. He would grab my shoulders and shake me hard and yell in my face. He said that if I wanted to be a somebody's BDSM slave, he would keep me chained up in the house and beat me until I bled. He threatened me so much that I literally shut down and curled into a ball. My children were there the entire time he was doing this stuff. In an effort to protect them, I sent them to play for hours at the next door neighbor's house or would tell them to stay in their rooms. He kept me in constant eye supervision and I had no way to get away or any means to contact anyone, not even my family.
After his own scare tactics on Padrone failed, he turned to a different strategy. At first, he made Padrone believe that I had changed my mind about our relationship and about him coming to the USA to see me. He had read my emails and studied the way I wrote and the words I said to Padrone in normal conversation and wrote a few emails under my name telling Padrone I had changed my mind and did not want to meet him, that I loved my family and was going to try to work out my problems. Padrone believed it at first and kept asking for explanations as to what had changed my mind and if I was sure. For a couple of days, my asshole husband almost did a very convincing job. Padrone was extremely depressed and could not understand why, all of a sudden, I would not want to see him, even if it was just to meet in person and nothing more. He contacted everyone of our mutual friends he could think of, to try to find out any information he could. He even contacted a person that lived in the same area I did, to see if he knew anything. Remember, he and none of my other friends knew that I was being held hostage inside my own house.
As my friends on FB began to know he was impersonating me, they became increasingly adamant that he give me my access to the internet back because they were afraid at what he might do. They had heard the stories of how crazy he was, and were all worried for my safety. Padrone said that had been one of the longest 72 hour periods in his life.
On the fourth day, we were out of everything and needed food. He gave me $10 and told me to go to Costco and what exactly to buy. He sent our oldest child with me to and told him to tell him anytime I got on the phone and what I said when we got back. Luckily, my son was more interested in some candy and a new toy than what I was doing. I got on a messaging system called Pinger that only Padrone and I knew about and sent him a message telling him what had happened briefly and that everything that had been sent to him and said to him by my husband was total bullshit. I told him I still wanted and needed him to come because he was my only anchor to reality. He was the only reason I had stayed sane. He was the only one that understood me and believed in me and actually cared about me.
At first he didn't believe that it was me. But after a couple of messages, the last message that day was "I have bought you a one-way ticket to come back to Italy with me to stay". There was no talking about it. There was no asking me. He just did it. It would be up to me if I used that ticket or not. I had exactly 1 week to figure it out. Those were some of the longest, scariest, loneliest days I have ever experienced in my life.
I had a lot of thinking to do. I had to come to terms with my decision one way or the other very quickly. On one hand, if I stayed, I would lose Padrone, the person that had come to mean so much to me even though it was such a short amount of time we had been together and the fact we had never met in person. I would still have my children, but my situation was so bad, and my husband so unpredictable towards me, I had no idea what could happen.
On the other hand, if I got on that plane with Padrone, I would have to leave my children behind because of the laws, their father, and because I could not just uproot them and take them to a foreign place where they didn't speak the language, know the customs, or understand what was happening. I would also have to leave behind all of my family, friends, and even my country.
That was the hardest decision I have ever made. If I left, I knew that their father would take care of them, but that there was a real possibility that he would never allow me to talk to them ever again. I also knew that if I left, he would tell the children all kinds of lies and try to turn them against me. I also understood that they may never want to see or talk to me ever again, even after they grew up. But what choice did I have?
What would I do? What would be my decision?
After coming to terms with the realities of my then husband's criminal activities, I turned even more inward and stayed on the internet in connection with Padrone more. He was my only anchor and the only one helping me keep my mind and spirit intact.
My husband became increasingly angry at everything. He became more and more distant, colder than before, and scarier. His attitude and mannerisms became neurotic and paranoid, and the mental and verbal abuse increased. Padrone and I had been in almost constant contact because he was worried about my husband snapping and physically doing harm to me or the children. He came close with me a couple of times, but never physically harmed us. He never showed any signs that he would ever harm the boys, and I never thought he would.
I told Padrone about the problem with the bills because I had to get it off my chest. Completely and unexpectedly, he sent me $1100 via wire transfer. He had never met me in person. He just went with his instincts and followed his heart and trusted that I wasn't scamming him. I went to Walmart and picked it up, telling my husband my Mom had paid the bills for us to get the internet and electricity back on. After getting everything reconnected, I had about $700 left over. I hid it in an old purse that I wasn't using in order to keep it from being taken by my husband. For about 1 1/2 years prior, he never allowed me to have any money, except for very specific things. He would only give me money to go get coffee with my friends because he expected me to keep up appearances. He wouldn't even give me money for gas. He wouldn't allow me to use any debit or credit cards. I was completely and totally at his mercy.
Padrone made plans to come to the US to see me in mid-August of 2011. At that time, we had toyed with the idea of moving so we could finally live together, but had not made any solid plans because we lived in different countries, I had children and was still living with my husband. For my own mental health and because of my growing dependence on Padrone for guidance, strength and emotional support, I had been spending all of my time with my head buried on my phone. No matter where I was, as long as I could talk to Padrone, I was going to do so, even if it was just mundane things.
My husband started getting suspicious because of the amount of time I was spending on the phone. He had paid little to no attention to me in over 4 years or longer, but all of a sudden took an interest. I think his increasing paranoia made him suspicious of everyone and everything. He believed that someone was always trying to "get him". By then, he didn't care anything about me, but didn't want to lose his free housekeeper/cook/babysitter/secretary. He stayed up for three days and nights, barely sleeping, trying to find evidence of what I was doing because he had no clue. He was that detached from what was going on in my and the boys lives, as well as to our daily routines. I had been online for at least 2.5 years reconnecting to the BDSM community.
He found evidence of my relationship with Padrone and went ballistic! He started throwing stuff all around the house. He got in my face and kept threatening to beat me and hoping that I would have a seizure and stop breathing. He looked like a completely insane or psychotic person. I had never seen him that crazy before. I was shaking and yes, I did have many seizures because of his emotional and mental abuse.
He took my cell phone away and demanded the password to get in. I wouldn't give it to him. He took all of my identification away. He took my car keys and house keys away. He took all the home phones out of the house, as well as disconnected the computers, except for one in the office. He then slept in the home office to guard the computer to ensure I could not use it or have any contact with the outside world. He would not let me leave the house for three days. In those three days, he took over all of my email accounts, vanilla and BDSM online accounts, and every other account I had. He changed the passwords and pretended to be me.
All of my friends on FB thought I had gone crazy at first, but quickly figured out it was him and they blocked that compromised account. He sent threatening, demented sounding emails to Padrone telling him he better not come to California because something bad would happen to him. When he wasn't harassing my friends online, he was harassing me at home. He would make threats to hit me. He would grab my shoulders and shake me hard and yell in my face. He said that if I wanted to be a somebody's BDSM slave, he would keep me chained up in the house and beat me until I bled. He threatened me so much that I literally shut down and curled into a ball. My children were there the entire time he was doing this stuff. In an effort to protect them, I sent them to play for hours at the next door neighbor's house or would tell them to stay in their rooms. He kept me in constant eye supervision and I had no way to get away or any means to contact anyone, not even my family.
After his own scare tactics on Padrone failed, he turned to a different strategy. At first, he made Padrone believe that I had changed my mind about our relationship and about him coming to the USA to see me. He had read my emails and studied the way I wrote and the words I said to Padrone in normal conversation and wrote a few emails under my name telling Padrone I had changed my mind and did not want to meet him, that I loved my family and was going to try to work out my problems. Padrone believed it at first and kept asking for explanations as to what had changed my mind and if I was sure. For a couple of days, my asshole husband almost did a very convincing job. Padrone was extremely depressed and could not understand why, all of a sudden, I would not want to see him, even if it was just to meet in person and nothing more. He contacted everyone of our mutual friends he could think of, to try to find out any information he could. He even contacted a person that lived in the same area I did, to see if he knew anything. Remember, he and none of my other friends knew that I was being held hostage inside my own house.
As my friends on FB began to know he was impersonating me, they became increasingly adamant that he give me my access to the internet back because they were afraid at what he might do. They had heard the stories of how crazy he was, and were all worried for my safety. Padrone said that had been one of the longest 72 hour periods in his life.
On the fourth day, we were out of everything and needed food. He gave me $10 and told me to go to Costco and what exactly to buy. He sent our oldest child with me to and told him to tell him anytime I got on the phone and what I said when we got back. Luckily, my son was more interested in some candy and a new toy than what I was doing. I got on a messaging system called Pinger that only Padrone and I knew about and sent him a message telling him what had happened briefly and that everything that had been sent to him and said to him by my husband was total bullshit. I told him I still wanted and needed him to come because he was my only anchor to reality. He was the only reason I had stayed sane. He was the only one that understood me and believed in me and actually cared about me.
At first he didn't believe that it was me. But after a couple of messages, the last message that day was "I have bought you a one-way ticket to come back to Italy with me to stay". There was no talking about it. There was no asking me. He just did it. It would be up to me if I used that ticket or not. I had exactly 1 week to figure it out. Those were some of the longest, scariest, loneliest days I have ever experienced in my life.
I had a lot of thinking to do. I had to come to terms with my decision one way or the other very quickly. On one hand, if I stayed, I would lose Padrone, the person that had come to mean so much to me even though it was such a short amount of time we had been together and the fact we had never met in person. I would still have my children, but my situation was so bad, and my husband so unpredictable towards me, I had no idea what could happen.
On the other hand, if I got on that plane with Padrone, I would have to leave my children behind because of the laws, their father, and because I could not just uproot them and take them to a foreign place where they didn't speak the language, know the customs, or understand what was happening. I would also have to leave behind all of my family, friends, and even my country.
That was the hardest decision I have ever made. If I left, I knew that their father would take care of them, but that there was a real possibility that he would never allow me to talk to them ever again. I also knew that if I left, he would tell the children all kinds of lies and try to turn them against me. I also understood that they may never want to see or talk to me ever again, even after they grew up. But what choice did I have?
What would I do? What would be my decision?
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I would like to re-introduce you to a wonderful couple, Master Grimm and Slave Nalani. They are a 24/7 BDSM couple that live the lifestyle while being cross-country truck drivers.
If you have not read the first, second, or third parts of their story, I encourage you to read them before continuing on with this one. This is the last installment of their beautiful story that will be posted here. Stay tuned for the e-book to find out the rest of the story! Enjoy this final post of their truly wonderful story.
One day, I had my worse day ever! Since I found this special Man online, my sleep schedule was all messed up because of the huge time difference. I tried to stay awake as long as possible, drinking coffee like crazy so I could stay in contact with my new Master as long as I could! Every day, I woke up at 6am and went to bed at 2 or 3am in the morning, only to wake up again at 6am, just to make sure I didn’t lose contact with Him. He told me from the beginning that he wanted to wish me sweet dreams and tell me he loved me before I went to sleep. If I didn't tell him that I was going to sleep, I would be punished by Him not talking to me a whole day!
One night I fell asleep like a rock! Passed out! I jerked awake shocked! There it was! The one message from Him I never wanted to get! "This will be your punishment", He wrote. I cried hard that whole day! I wrote Him begging Him for forgiveness. My eyes were swollen I didn't eat because I was so upset! How could I do this to him? I looked at the pictures of him that I had printed out and framed. I looked at FB and no response! I cried so much and was hurting so badly that I punished myself by pouring hot candle wax over my breasts, which caused blisters to form. My mind was empty. I thought that I had lost him, because this was my first punishment and I didn't know how to handle it.
The next day, my breasts were hurting because of the candle wax. It reminded me of what had happened. My mind was back on earth again, and after I had finished housework, I looked on FB and found two messages from Him in my inbox!
I was almost too nervous to open them, but I did. He wrote me that I was forgiven and explained to me how important it was for Him to wish me good night and tell me that he loves me. As a truck driver, it isn't easy out on the road and you never know what is going to happen! He felt sorry for me that I had burned myself with the candle wax and told me that if he could be with me, he would have taken care of it. I cried when I was reading his letter to me. I cried so hard I could barely read it through the tears. I cleaned up my face and calmed down before going back to my laptop and writing him back with " i am sorry Master, please forgive me Master. It won't happen again. It was my fault Master and i deserved Your punishment". Fighting back new tears, I wrote him that I love him and told him how much he means to me! He responded back shortly after I sent the message saying he loves me more and that I am special to him. Everything was back to normal again and we both felt better!
After a few days, we had another conversation about moving to be together. He had told his family about possibly moving to Europe to be with me and most of his family supported his decision. Some family didn’t agree and couldn't support that decision. His friends were excited. Only one of his friends told him that it was just some Internet thing and wasn't real. I was hurt by that because all we wanted was for our fairytale to come true! Master asked me how I felt about going to him in the United States of America. For a moment, I was quiet and he said "Hello? Are you there?" I answered with "Yes Master! I would love that!" I was one happy little slave with a big smile on my face!
So I told him that I would do everything to come to him and he was excited and happy! After all, what did I have to lose? Nothing at all! I didn't have any family. My mom died when I was 16years old. I didn't have contact with my father or bother, so what could hold me there? Nothing in my opinion! He told me to come out in the summer of 2011 and that we would do everything to make this bond we had created stronger and turn it into reality. I could serve him 24/7 as his slave. He would train me and teach me everything! Wow my life turned completely into a different life than how I lived before I found him! It was January 2011. We continued to chat, talk online, text back and forth, phone calls and more! The more we talked, the more excited we got about summertime! We fell more deeply in love with each passing day. There were many spicy phone calls in which he wanted me to call him so he could give me permission to play with myself and so he could tell me "Cum for me slave!" Yes, this Man knows exactly how to handle me as newbie slave.
One day while we talked on yahoo messenger voice, he told me he couldn't handle our distance anymore. That it had become too hard and painful for him. I told that I couldn't handle it much either but we had to try to stay strong. Then he said, "I want you here before my birthday on April 4th." Oh boy, it was only 2 months away I told him. He started laughing and said "You’re good in counting." I said "Yes Master, i will be there before Your Birthday." He was happy!
I had to make everything possible in only two months! So for two straight months, I worked that much harder to save the money together for the airplane ticket and to have extra money with me. In the meantime, I gave all my furniture away to the Goodwill. I was very stressed all the time during those two months, counting my money to make sure I had enough for an airplane ticket. I ate as cheap as I could. I gave up my apartment and everything in Europe. My life had come to an end there! Nobody helped me. I did it all by myself!
I made it! That last night, we had our last online chat. My suitcase was packed and I sat in an empty house counting the hours away till it was my time to close the door behind me and say goodbye to my life in Europe! That last night, Master and I talked and He was excited and a little nervous too. I had my shower, was dressed and ready to go waiting for the taxi to arrive. We ended the call and I told him I would call him as soon I was on the bus that goes to the airport in Brussels, Belgium. It was 5 am in the morning when I arrived at the airport and my flight didn't leave till 11 am. I think I was afraid to be late. I checked in, my suitcase was stowed away and I sat at Gate 43 waiting for my departure time! The flights I had to take were, Brussels to Frankfurt, Frankfurt to Houston, TX and Houston, TX to Ontario, California. This was going to be a very long flight, a total of 23 hours.
slave nalani
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So, I found out the other day my blog is #3 on a list of sites that are all BDSM related on http://www.ranker.com/list/bdsm-social-networks/dot-commander.
I had no clue. I decided to Google my name to see where else my book or blog might be and found out I'm mentioned on some very interesting sites that I never knew about until now.
My book is mentioned in an online encyclopedia under a section called Relevant Books on:
http://www.isnare.com/encyclopedia/Risk-aware_consensual_kink
http://www.isnare.com/encyclopedia/Dominant_(BDSM)
http://www.isnare.com/encyclopedia/Subspace_(BDSM)
http://www.isnare.com/encyclopedia/Switch_(BDSM)
http://www.amazon.com/Bdsm-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101
http://www.amazon.ca/BDSM-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bdsm-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101
http://www.amazon.de/Bdsm-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101
http://www.lulu.com/shop/michelle-fegatofi/bdsm-basics-for-beginners-a-guide-for-dominants-and-submissives-starting-to-explore-the-lifestyle/ebook/product-20919719.html
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bdsm-basics-for-beginners-a-guide-for-dominants-and-submissives-starting-to-explore-the-lifestyle-michelle-fegatofi/1115085227?ean=9781300838609
https://itunes.apple.com/ca/book/bdsm-basics-for-beginners/id627641268?mt=11
http://www.tower.com/tower_search/search_2.cfm?keywords=Michelle%20Fegatofi&div_id=1
http://www.bokus.com/cgi-bin/product_search.cgi?authors=Michelle%20Fegatofi
http://www.redpepperbooks.co.za/QuickSearch.aspx?Author=Michelle%20Fegatofi
http://www.bookrenter.com/michelle-fegatofi/textbooks-by
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17667099-bdsm-basics-for-beginners---a-guide-for-dominants-and-submissives-starti
http://www.redconceptual.com/submissive/en
http://www.shopwahl.at/a/produktliste/idx/3030100/mot/Bdsm/produktliste.htm
http://www.shopwahl.de/a/produktliste/idx/3030100/mot/Bdsm/produktliste.htm
I also found my blog and articles I have written on many different sites around the world. Some of the sites reposted the articles in their original format. Others hacked them and posted only bits and pieces. That I don't like, but what can I do? At least they didn't steal them outright and try to pass them off for their own.
It was an eye opener! So, take the time and see where you might come up if you google your own name!
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I would like to re-introduce you to a wonderful couple, Master Grimm and Slave Nalani. They are a 24/7 BDSM couple that live the lifestyle while being cross-country truck drivers. If you have not read the first part or second part of their story, I encourage you to read them before continuing on with this one. Enjoy this third installment of their truly wonderful story.
 |
| Slave Nalani & Master Grimm |
After I had my first phone call with the Man I didn't know, had only seen a picture of, and to whom I said for the first-time "Hello Master", I was so happy my stomach felt different that night! It was already late at night so I couldn't get back online to send Him a message to tell Him how much I appreciated our first voice contact. So I texted Him from my cellphone!
The next day, I went to the store and reloaded my cellphone and tried to connect to Facebook to see if that was working. It did and I was so happy that I was able to keep in contact with Him. Shortly afterwards, I got a cheap laptop that almost felt apart, so I could stay in the comfort of my own house and remain in contact with Him. Why I felt so close to Him, needing to have contact with Him, I still needed to figure out because I didn't know Him at all.
I kept in contact with Him through my cell phone while waiting for my own internet to be hooked up. Our conversations became longer and we also sent many messages back and forth online. We talked about everything; about myself, about Him and answered questions about what we both needed and was looking for. I felt like a little girl who had fallen in love with her first boyfriend.
Since that day, December 6, 2010, everything changed inside my head! My time schedule was all messed up because there was a 9 hours’ time difference between Europe and America. Did I mention I barely got any sleep? Just to watch Him posting something on His wall, and of course, to write Him as much as possible kept me awake!
Almost every day, I bought an overseas calling card to be able to call Him. The longer I could hear His strong voice, the bigger my happiness became! We laughed a lot too though, but we also had serious conversations about life, love, and the BDSM Lifestyle. He explained to me how He wanted to live the Lifestyle again because He missed it very much. He had been hurt too much before, so He was very cautious allowing somebody else back into His life!
I totally understood what He was talking about and how it felt to be hurt over and over again, so I told Him that I hope to make His pain softer even though we had only phone and online contact! I installed Yahoo messenger so we could have video voice contact, but my stupid cheap laptop didn't have a camera on it, so we stayed with only voice calls. They worked perfectly and we talked for many straight hours!
When He stopped working and parked, He always pulled out His laptop so He could make His voice calls to me. My laptop never closed down unless I was outside the house working. It was all so very new to me but exciting at the same time! He always made time for me to text and to let me call Him if He wasn't on His laptop. At times, it was hard for Him to contact me because He is a truck driver and would have low or no signal. When I didn't hear Him, I was sad and tears would run over my face. I wrote Him messages to His inbox to make myself feel better and more peaceful. The next time He could see them, He had a bunch of reading to do! Yea, I kept Him busy with my writing, but He loved it!
As the days passed by, our conversations increasingly became about the future, our future, because we had built up such a strong connection together. We started thinking about being with each other in real life. I remember I told Him a few times "I will start walking now so I can meet you" or "I will take a bicycle then I will be there shortly". Then He would say “How about the ocean?" Gosh I started laughing hard while I was trying to answer to answer His question with “oh I can swim it!" This Man was and still is so funny, He cracks me up often.
He asked me how it was in Europe and how things were going. I explained to Him that it was pretty cool and easy, and then He said "How about me moving out there to be with you?" For a second I was quiet, shocked, happy, excited, and thinking “Does He really mean this?” So I asked Him, what about your family, your friends, your work? I said that it would be amazingly awesome! I have internet now at home so you can keep in contact with everyone. But how are you going to do this? He answered back "I am old enough to do what I want, friends I don't really have and my family will understand". All I could say was are you serious? Do you really mean this? “Yes” He said, “I want to be happy with you and I will do anything it takes to be together with you." Oh I felt so happy, my whole world turned into a beautiful colorful flower bouquet! That this Man that I just know for less than a month, which I found online, is telling me that He would do anything to be with me!
He waited a little to tell His family because this whole situation was new for Him as well. He needed to get used to the idea, plus His other relationships had never worked out for Him. He was married twice before and both times, He ended up very hurt and disrespected! He had some girlfriends who didn't treat Him right and used Him. In His first lifestyle experience, He had 3 slaves and again, He ended up being disrespected. His last slave couldn't give Him what He wanted or needed! So yes, I totally understood why He needed to get used to the idea. He needed to feel inside His heart that I would never hurt Him! At that time, He was 46 years old and all he wanted was to be a happy peaceful Dominant who could live His life how He wanted and needed. I was submissive girl that wanted a Real Man, a Dominant, a Master with whom I could live with the way He wanted, full of love and peace in both our hearts and not ending up hurt again! Sounds understandable right? To us it did!
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In life we choose to walk different paths.
We might make a decision that takes us in a direction we never expected or we might make a wrong choice that leads us to a life we never wanted. But, you have to have the courage to choose a path, to make a choice. In life, it can be very scary to choose a path you've never walked before, do things that you've never done before, because you don't know the outcome. That is one of the things that makes life so wonderful to live. You never know what is around the next corner.
The journey into BDSM is very similar. There are many different styles, different forms and levels of submission, and different ways you can be dominate. One of the best things of this lifestyle is that it is ever-evolving. It's your own journey; one that you have to forge on your own or in conjunction with your partner. Once you have the basic knowledge, the possibilities are endless.
My blog, bdsmunveiled.com and many others similar to it, can guide you in different forms of the Lifestyle and inform you of how we, the writers of the blogs, live the lifestyle ourselves. We can educate you on types of play, different dynamics in relationships, toys, protocols, and many other subjects related to BDSM. It is ultimately up to the Dominate and submissive/slave to decide the dynamics, boundaries, rules and regulations of their own relationship.
The one thing you have to remember is you cannot be afraid of change. As with most things in life, relationships in BDSM can change and evolve, and hopefully yours will also. The more you learn and explore, the closer you will become to your partner and the further into submission you can get.
Some of the changes a person can go though from a loving BDSM M/s or D/s relationship is amazing. Readers have sent emails to me telling me about their own illnesses that have gotten better from living a 24/7 BDSM relationship. My own epilepsy has gotten much better over the past two years that I have been a 24/7 slave. With the right combination of rules, guidelines, and structure, it has allowed me to focus on my writing as well as to be delve deep into submission to my Padrone.
My own relationship with Padrone is ever evolving also. The longer we are together, we have grown closer. We have learned more about each other, our strengths and weaknesses, likes, morals, etc. which has allowed our own M/s relationship to deepen to a profound level.
There are items in every relationship that are steady and constant, but there are other items that are either additions or changes, such as rules, guidelines, or daily tasks around the house. The one constant that never changes and is a foundation is the trust, the love and the two way communication that we always have with each other. Those are completely 100 percent essential for any BDSM relationship to work.
So, what is the point to all this you may ask? My point is this. Be cautious in your journey, gather as much knowledge as you can, but be open to new and evolving experiences. you honestly never know what's around the next corner.
We might make a decision that takes us in a direction we never expected or we might make a wrong choice that leads us to a life we never wanted. But, you have to have the courage to choose a path, to make a choice. In life, it can be very scary to choose a path you've never walked before, do things that you've never done before, because you don't know the outcome. That is one of the things that makes life so wonderful to live. You never know what is around the next corner.
The journey into BDSM is very similar. There are many different styles, different forms and levels of submission, and different ways you can be dominate. One of the best things of this lifestyle is that it is ever-evolving. It's your own journey; one that you have to forge on your own or in conjunction with your partner. Once you have the basic knowledge, the possibilities are endless.
My blog, bdsmunveiled.com and many others similar to it, can guide you in different forms of the Lifestyle and inform you of how we, the writers of the blogs, live the lifestyle ourselves. We can educate you on types of play, different dynamics in relationships, toys, protocols, and many other subjects related to BDSM. It is ultimately up to the Dominate and submissive/slave to decide the dynamics, boundaries, rules and regulations of their own relationship.
The one thing you have to remember is you cannot be afraid of change. As with most things in life, relationships in BDSM can change and evolve, and hopefully yours will also. The more you learn and explore, the closer you will become to your partner and the further into submission you can get.
Some of the changes a person can go though from a loving BDSM M/s or D/s relationship is amazing. Readers have sent emails to me telling me about their own illnesses that have gotten better from living a 24/7 BDSM relationship. My own epilepsy has gotten much better over the past two years that I have been a 24/7 slave. With the right combination of rules, guidelines, and structure, it has allowed me to focus on my writing as well as to be delve deep into submission to my Padrone.
My own relationship with Padrone is ever evolving also. The longer we are together, we have grown closer. We have learned more about each other, our strengths and weaknesses, likes, morals, etc. which has allowed our own M/s relationship to deepen to a profound level.
There are items in every relationship that are steady and constant, but there are other items that are either additions or changes, such as rules, guidelines, or daily tasks around the house. The one constant that never changes and is a foundation is the trust, the love and the two way communication that we always have with each other. Those are completely 100 percent essential for any BDSM relationship to work.
So, what is the point to all this you may ask? My point is this. Be cautious in your journey, gather as much knowledge as you can, but be open to new and evolving experiences. you honestly never know what's around the next corner.
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Think about when you are happiest.
Is it when you are in submissive situations? Serving your Dominant? Do you get grumpy or feel out of sorts when life or other outside forces disturb your well established, submissive routines? What happens if many things hit you all at once and totally screw up the nice little world you and your Dominant have worked so hard to establish and maintain?
As many of you know, if you read me on a pretty regular basis, I am pretty much a happy person all the time. Yes, of course I have days or times I am not as happy as others, but as a whole I do see a world full of rainbows. The main reason is due to the wonderful, happy bubble my Padrone Marco Fegatofi keeps me in all the time. He knows that I am most happy when I am serving him, following his instructions, working on our internet pages, etc. He always tries to keep any negativity, stress, drama, and other bad things away from me and deals with them by himself. He has done an extremely good job over the past two years we have lived together.
But every now and then, my happy bubble gets a leak! In the course of a week, too many negatives hit me all at once. So, now that a couple of weeks have passed, I have to look into my inner self and try to re-balance my inner submissive and reestablish my happy bubble.
First, to make it clear, my submissiveness to Padrone has never waned. My inner happy balance has taken several hits though. I don't deal with stress well and if bad news comes in different ways all at once, well, I have seizures. That's my body's way of dealing with it because of my epilepsy. Now that the worst of the negative things have passed, how do I get my happy bubble back and sealed once again?
Is it when you are in submissive situations? Serving your Dominant? Do you get grumpy or feel out of sorts when life or other outside forces disturb your well established, submissive routines? What happens if many things hit you all at once and totally screw up the nice little world you and your Dominant have worked so hard to establish and maintain?
As many of you know, if you read me on a pretty regular basis, I am pretty much a happy person all the time. Yes, of course I have days or times I am not as happy as others, but as a whole I do see a world full of rainbows. The main reason is due to the wonderful, happy bubble my Padrone Marco Fegatofi keeps me in all the time. He knows that I am most happy when I am serving him, following his instructions, working on our internet pages, etc. He always tries to keep any negativity, stress, drama, and other bad things away from me and deals with them by himself. He has done an extremely good job over the past two years we have lived together.
But every now and then, my happy bubble gets a leak! In the course of a week, too many negatives hit me all at once. So, now that a couple of weeks have passed, I have to look into my inner self and try to re-balance my inner submissive and reestablish my happy bubble.
First, to make it clear, my submissiveness to Padrone has never waned. My inner happy balance has taken several hits though. I don't deal with stress well and if bad news comes in different ways all at once, well, I have seizures. That's my body's way of dealing with it because of my epilepsy. Now that the worst of the negative things have passed, how do I get my happy bubble back and sealed once again?
- I remind myself of how lucky I am to be with the man and Master of my dreams.
- I remind myself that the negatives are past so now it is time to forget them and move on.
- I asked Padrone for more attention and snuggle time. That always helps me come back into balance whenever it gets out of whack.
- I write about my experience in hopes that it will help others that may go through similar hard times. Writing and helping others always make me feel good.
- First, make sure your connection with your Dominant is solid and lean on him/her.
- Second, do more of the things that make you happy (Submissive tasks, writing, cooking, family time, Dominant attention time, etc). Make sure whatever it is that makes your world a happy place normally, is being done on a daily basis if you can.
- Third, take time every day to remind yourself of what you have to be grateful for and happy about.
- Forth, try to let the negative feelings go. This is the hardest thing for me. But after bad events are over and done with, it does your body and mind no good to dwell on them. Look to the future.
- Fifth, think of your happy place! My personal happy place is when I am in Padrone's arms. That is my shelter and when I feel the best. Is yours when you are on your knees beside your Dominant? Buried under a special blanket? Whatever it is, always keep that image and the awesome feelings close to your heart and in your head so you can think of it when you are down or sad.
I don't know if these techniques will help you reestablish your own happy balance, but I hope they help.
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I would like to re-introduce you to a wonderful couple, Master Grimm and Slave Nalani. They are a 24/7 BDSM couple that live the lifestyle while being cross-country truck drivers. If you have not read the first part of their story, I encourage you to read that first before continuing on with this one. Enjoy this next installment of their truly wonderful story.
 |
| Slave Nalani and Master Grimm |
One day I was sitting on the couch watching TV. It was December 5th, 2010. I remember it like it was yesterday. I wasn't paying attention to the TV, because my mind was far away. Suddenly, I stood up and put my jacket on and walked outside to the internet cafe. I didn't have internet at that time in my house. So I went online checking out different pages and Facebook. With so many options online, I narrowed the choices down some by typing in BDSM and a whole list with pages popped up!
I sat back looking at the whole list, not knowing what to do. Which page do I click first? I was so excited and clicked on that only said "BDSM". The page had a conversation about "Switches” and I read the whole post, looking through all the comments that were given. There were many answers that I didn't understand at all! There was one little profile picture that popped out to me, personally, out of all the comments from over thirty different people. Something about this picture was "Wow" to me!
I clicked on the name attached to the picture after I saw that He was a Dominant. As I looked at the picture, my heart started beating faster, my blood was running through my veins, my soul, my head, my body all were alive just from the sight before me. I thought “My god what a special Man this is!” I knew He wasn't from Europe and lived in the USA. He was a little older than me, but I didn't care.
I sat down and thought now what? I clicked on messages. Should I or should I not? "Oh crazy girl just do it" I thought to myself. Nervously, I wrote him a nice friendly message asking how he was doing. I figured it's not going to hurt anyone right? I clicked on send and there it went, to the person I didn't know! I went back to that page and like some other posts and browsed more internet pages also before logging out.
The next day, after my house cleaning was finished, his picture popped in my head again. I went back to the same internet cafe, logged on Facebook and discovered a message from the man I had only seen in a little profile picture. I opened the message and read what he had written, wishing me a good day and saying He didn't know me! Lol, that's right, He didn't know me! I wrote Him back explaining a little about how I found His profile and mentioned the conversation I had read in which he had commented on. I also asked if He was a Master. I clicked send, logged out and went back home to cook.
Later that night, I went back online and another message from Him was waiting for me. He said that He is a Master and into the BDSM Lifestyle. We became friends and had many conversations back and forth via email. After long back and forth messages to each other, He told me "You only have to ask".
Without any thinking or hesitation, I asked Him "Will You be my Master?" He said yes and I have been his slave ever since. Oh my goodness, the feeling I had was getting harder and stronger. I couldn't hold it back anymore! Strange isn't it, that a person you don't know can inspire such strong and deep feelings? To me it is!
We exchanged phone numbers and I went right then to buy an overseas card to make my first phone call to Him. How am I going to do this? I am Dutch and now I need to speak English. I went home, sat down on the couch, and dialed His phone number. My nerves were shaking, my heart was beating fast, and I said "Hello Master" with big smile on my face!
Our journey into a BDSM relationship deepens and starts from our first voice conversation! Stay tuned for the 3rd post in about 2 weeks!
I sat back looking at the whole list, not knowing what to do. Which page do I click first? I was so excited and clicked on that only said "BDSM". The page had a conversation about "Switches” and I read the whole post, looking through all the comments that were given. There were many answers that I didn't understand at all! There was one little profile picture that popped out to me, personally, out of all the comments from over thirty different people. Something about this picture was "Wow" to me!
I clicked on the name attached to the picture after I saw that He was a Dominant. As I looked at the picture, my heart started beating faster, my blood was running through my veins, my soul, my head, my body all were alive just from the sight before me. I thought “My god what a special Man this is!” I knew He wasn't from Europe and lived in the USA. He was a little older than me, but I didn't care.
I sat down and thought now what? I clicked on messages. Should I or should I not? "Oh crazy girl just do it" I thought to myself. Nervously, I wrote him a nice friendly message asking how he was doing. I figured it's not going to hurt anyone right? I clicked on send and there it went, to the person I didn't know! I went back to that page and like some other posts and browsed more internet pages also before logging out.
The next day, after my house cleaning was finished, his picture popped in my head again. I went back to the same internet cafe, logged on Facebook and discovered a message from the man I had only seen in a little profile picture. I opened the message and read what he had written, wishing me a good day and saying He didn't know me! Lol, that's right, He didn't know me! I wrote Him back explaining a little about how I found His profile and mentioned the conversation I had read in which he had commented on. I also asked if He was a Master. I clicked send, logged out and went back home to cook.
Later that night, I went back online and another message from Him was waiting for me. He said that He is a Master and into the BDSM Lifestyle. We became friends and had many conversations back and forth via email. After long back and forth messages to each other, He told me "You only have to ask".
Without any thinking or hesitation, I asked Him "Will You be my Master?" He said yes and I have been his slave ever since. Oh my goodness, the feeling I had was getting harder and stronger. I couldn't hold it back anymore! Strange isn't it, that a person you don't know can inspire such strong and deep feelings? To me it is!
We exchanged phone numbers and I went right then to buy an overseas card to make my first phone call to Him. How am I going to do this? I am Dutch and now I need to speak English. I went home, sat down on the couch, and dialed His phone number. My nerves were shaking, my heart was beating fast, and I said "Hello Master" with big smile on my face!
Our journey into a BDSM relationship deepens and starts from our first voice conversation! Stay tuned for the 3rd post in about 2 weeks!
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As you all know, so many pages containing BDSM and Adult content were suspended or deleted by FB this past week. While we are fighting to retain the right to be represented on various social media sites, we should also take the time to rebuild a bigger, stronger, and closer nit community.
There are many petty feuds between people and groups because of differing opinions or just personality clashes. Let's all try to put those aside and come together as a real online community of BDSM practitioners to combat those that are trying to dictate their beliefs on how the world should be run and what morals are right. As intelligent and rational adults, I believe we have the right to make that choice ourselves.
Yes, I realize many of you might think my enthusiasm or passion for trying to combat this censorship of Adult Content on the social media sites is futile, maybe even laughable. You may laugh. You may not agree with me at all. Because of my belief in and love for this Lifestyle and being a 24/7 slave to my Padrone, it has become my mission in life to help guide those new to the scene find their own path and way of practicing a BDSM relationship. I can not begin to tell you what a nightmare my life was and how lost I had become before meeting and submitting to Padrone. I truly believe it saved my sanity and my true personality.
BDSM International's appeal was denied and the original page is set to be deleted. So, I made a new page called BDSM International 2.0. I am looking at this as an opportunity to begin anew. We had over 35,200 when FB shut us down, but many of them were not active at all on the site. I am hoping that the new followers will be comprised of a larger, more interactive group so that we can debate, trade ideas, and learn together in a safe environment.
So, if you are thinking of rebuilding your page, think of it as not only a protest against FB in the fact that we just keep rebuilding and refuse to give up our presence on social media sites, but an opportunity to gain a closer, more interactive audience and the grass roots of rebuilding a stronger community.
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I would like to introduce you all to a wonderful couple, Master Grimm and Slave Nalani.
They are a 24/7 BDSM couple that live the lifestyle while being cross-country or long haul truck drivers. I found Nalani so fascinating and their dynamic so beautiful, I asked her to share her story with us. I will be posting an entry from her each month. Below is her first post. One of the first lessons we all can learn from this wonderful couple is that you can't let anything stand in the way of your happiness. If you want to live the Lifestyle, there is always a way. Now, enjoy reading. |
| Slave Nalani & Master Grimm |
'I would like to introduce myself first before I start writing on my Journal's. My name is slave Nalani. I was born and raised in Rotterdam, The Netherlands. I am 35 years and old lived my whole life in Europe before I moved to the United States of America 3years ago.
As child I was always by myself and didn't have any good friends. Maybe it was because I was different than most kids, which I now know that was the case.
Both of my parents worked, my father as cook and my mother in the fabric industry. At age of 16, I found myself alone, standing on my own two feet. From that point on, I looked at the world wondering how to make it through, because I didn't have my parents anymore. As time went by and I became older, my submissive feelings became stronger, especially when I looked at black leather items and when I started to watch some erotic things. It was very strange to me, but I do need to emphasize that I was perfectly comfortable with it and with who I was.
I went to the Erotic Expo and ended up in the special part of it called "The SM Area" in Europe. My eyes were focused on the girl who got candle wax poured over her body and I watched all of the stuff the Dominant did to her. I felt warm while looking at it, and thought to myself “Wow wish I was that girl!” From that moment I knew, I was positive about who I really was for all those years!
As I researched more into the Why's and the How's online, I came across lots of information that took time for me to realize that this was what I really needed. I mean did I really want those spankings? Do I really want to have a ball in my mouth or the burning wax on my body? Then I started thinking that yes, it is exactly what I want. Why would my body get warm from it and why would my blood start flowing faster through my veins if I didn't really need it?
So I started reading books online and watching movies. The more information I found, the happier I became! One story I was reading online was about a couple who lives as Master and slave and oh my goodness that was exciting! The woman slave was explained how much she enjoyed her lifestyle and how much she loved to get her playtime with her Master, who was also her Husband.
Every time I read those stories, I felt warm all over and so happy at the same time! The more I searched and tried to find answers, the more I knew I am a submissive girl. I started hoping to become as happy as all those people who wrote about their lives online and in books one day.
But unfortunately I lived without BDSM or happiness for many years and I ended up in the wrong type of marriage, where I felt miserable and not happy at all! I got a divorce after being mistreated for years and again found myself alone. I worked and moved on with my life alone, which was a very painful time. I had no one to share my thoughts with, no one to share my needs with. How long could I hold it together like that?
I made some friends during that time who were cool, or so I thought they were. We talked a lot and had some good conversations. I thought well you know what? Now is the time to tell them that there is something different about me, so I did! I told them I had special feelings inside me and that I wished I could let it all out. Of course they didn't know what I was talking about, so I told them that I am a submissive and that I hope to find a Real Man in my life who will be my Master. Man, I was so wrong for telling them. They laughed and made fun of me! They told me that they "can beat me up" and that I don't have to live this lifestyle telling "bring me a newspaper we spank you”. I wished I hadn’t opened my mouth, but I thought it was okay. I stopped them from making fun of me and distanced myself from them.
More time went by and there was still no one to share my feelings with and no one to give my gift of submission to. Was I going to end up by myself in this world? Am I that strange to people that they are afraid of me for being a submissive? Why do people not understand that this is what makes me happy, that this is what I need? I need to be dominated to be controlled. My body needs to be taken to that place that only I can feel.'
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New people tend to want to jump in head first into a BDSM relationship without having any clue what will make them happy or really having even the most basic understand of a true M/s or D/s relationship.
Each time I shake my head and tell myself "here is another one with no clue". It is a relationship that always ends up in heartbreak.
After being inundated with several questions about various do's and don'ts in a BDSM relationship, I decided pose a question to my FB audience asking them what they thought would be a Deadly Sin in a BDSM relationship.
Here is an amalgamation of the answers:
- Dishonesty - outright lying, with holding information of any kind, being fake about likes or responses
- Disrespect - topping from the bottom, talking about your Dom in a bad way to others
- Infidelity - taking orders from other Dominants, flirting or interacting with others without permission
- Not taking care of yourself properly
- Not using a safe word
- Not communicating openly
- Topping from the bottom
Now, after reading the list, you are thinking that many of the items listed are the same things you should not do in any type of relationship, vanilla or BDSM. That is true. But, in our world, committing any of these 'sins', can cause a deeper wound just from the fact that our connections tend to be deeper than those in a vanilla relationship.
Many people will take anything. This is a statement that applies equally to both dominant and submissive people. When you see what happens, especially online, you will agree with this sentiment. People submit to one simply because he says he is a "Dom" (or Master). It never occurs to them to question the validity of what this person is truly about. They simply take the statements as fact and whatever the Dom does or says as Law.
Why do I call this list "Deadly Sins"? Because, as a submissive, every 'sin' could be grounds for a harsh punishment, or if bad enough, your collar taken away. As a Dominant, these could cause your sub to lose trust in you and your fellow Dominants to lose all respect for you.
The online world is wrought with fakes, pretenders, and disappointment. We all encounter the same thing. Persistence is something that is required. Some are fortunate to hit what they like the first time; most are not. It takes a while to sift through all that doesn't work before finding what does. BDSM relationships are built on a foundation of trust, respect, and open communication. That includes many branches, such as not lying, respecting your role and not overstepping your bounds.
So, bottom line, don't commit any of the 'Deadly Sins' and always keep communications open and honest.
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The Purest Commitment
by Michelle Fegatofi
The Love of a Master can not be
compared to anything else in this Life,
For a Master's Love is unbreakable
through all manner of woes, illness and strife.
As people in your life come and go,
even family drifts away,
A submissive always knows her Master is
there to stay.
A bond so deep and pure, that it sets
your heart to leaping,
A Love so very strong, simply
witnessing it will have you weeping.
Our rituals and ways seem brutal and
foreign to many across the land,
But nothing compares to the feelings of
being taken in hand.
As Master commands, we serve with pride
in any way His will may be,
For the love we share and the trust we
feel, allows us to serve freely and proudly on bended knee.
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"Don’t try to be someone you aren’t. You will hate yourself for it and the effort to maintain the façade will exhaust you." ~ Larry Winget
Being proud is all about questioning and arriving at your own conclusion. Those who embrace who they are with high esteem are able to formulate their lives as they see fit. People who are involved in the BDSM world seem to fit into this category. One typically does not find an alternative lifestyle without questioning the traditional. Most everyone I met within the lifestyle went through this process to one degree or another.
Because BDSM is so misunderstood, people often experience shame and self-hatred before coming out as BDSM participants. Secrecy about one's sexual desires can lead to problems with spouses and difficulty connecting with their community for fear of being "found out".
While mainstream culture fetishizes, for example, breasts and lacy black negligees, kinky people often have similar interests in leather, rubber or feet. Other forms of BDSM involve sexual practices that play with power dynamics between partners, unusual forms of stimulation such as "pain" (think: hickies or biting at the height of sexual passion), constraint or sensory deprivation or "dark" emotions such as fear, anxiety and anger played in a theater of eroticism. There is wide variety within this community: some people merely incorporate some kinky practices into a private sexual life as a couple, while others live a total BDSM lifestyle.
Even though mainstream society has its opinions about how we live, the truth is there are thousands of people who think exactly how you do. Therefore, it is in your best interest to not feel the shame that society tries to bestow upon people who are "different".
Everything you can think of is contained under the umbrella of BDSM. Yet, there are many who want to shame others for their preferences.
This is where pride comes in. Just because some others (or the masses even) do not agree with your preferences, that does not mean that you should not be proud of who you are. Whatever your fetish, take pride in your desires. There is nothing wrong with them. Shed those Puritan ideals who instill so much guilt into people and be free. Why should a woman be ashamed of liking sex (a lot)? It is only because of an archaic belief system that this concept exists. If you like sex, and get a lot of it (i.e. a slut), be proud. So what if some do not approve.
I hid myself for many years from everyone, especially my family. After becoming a 24/7 live-in slave to my Padrone, I decided from the beginning to not hide that fact from my family, friends, or anyone else. I wear my collar with pride all the time, it literally never comes off. We don't shouve our choice of relationship into people's faces, nor do we hide it either. I call him Padrone all the time, in public and in front of my family.
I understand many of you may not be able to do that because of your jobs or associations you have in your vanilla lives. But, if you really are serious about living a real life BDSM relationship with your partner, then start taking steps to slowly break it to your family and your friends. There are many ways you can still respect your D/s relationship in a vanilla setting, you just have to find that balance.
If you want to try to break the news to your parents, I suggest you start by maintaining what I call lite D/s around them. Things like having your submissive get your drink, maybe calling you a specific name or title, sitting in a certain position (floor, to your left, ect) and allowing your family to get used to that. Then, if you think they can handle more information, tell them a little about D/s using the analogy of a 1950s style relationship where the man is the head of the household and the woman does as he says and abides by his decisions.
There are many ways to do it, you just have to go with what you think will make everyone the most comfortable. But, I do encourage you to start living your lifestyle in the open and taking pride in it.
Being proud is all about questioning and arriving at your own conclusion. Those who embrace who they are with high esteem are able to formulate their lives as they see fit. People who are involved in the BDSM world seem to fit into this category. One typically does not find an alternative lifestyle without questioning the traditional. Most everyone I met within the lifestyle went through this process to one degree or another.
Because BDSM is so misunderstood, people often experience shame and self-hatred before coming out as BDSM participants. Secrecy about one's sexual desires can lead to problems with spouses and difficulty connecting with their community for fear of being "found out".
While mainstream culture fetishizes, for example, breasts and lacy black negligees, kinky people often have similar interests in leather, rubber or feet. Other forms of BDSM involve sexual practices that play with power dynamics between partners, unusual forms of stimulation such as "pain" (think: hickies or biting at the height of sexual passion), constraint or sensory deprivation or "dark" emotions such as fear, anxiety and anger played in a theater of eroticism. There is wide variety within this community: some people merely incorporate some kinky practices into a private sexual life as a couple, while others live a total BDSM lifestyle.
Even though mainstream society has its opinions about how we live, the truth is there are thousands of people who think exactly how you do. Therefore, it is in your best interest to not feel the shame that society tries to bestow upon people who are "different".
Everything you can think of is contained under the umbrella of BDSM. Yet, there are many who want to shame others for their preferences.
This is where pride comes in. Just because some others (or the masses even) do not agree with your preferences, that does not mean that you should not be proud of who you are. Whatever your fetish, take pride in your desires. There is nothing wrong with them. Shed those Puritan ideals who instill so much guilt into people and be free. Why should a woman be ashamed of liking sex (a lot)? It is only because of an archaic belief system that this concept exists. If you like sex, and get a lot of it (i.e. a slut), be proud. So what if some do not approve.
I hid myself for many years from everyone, especially my family. After becoming a 24/7 live-in slave to my Padrone, I decided from the beginning to not hide that fact from my family, friends, or anyone else. I wear my collar with pride all the time, it literally never comes off. We don't shouve our choice of relationship into people's faces, nor do we hide it either. I call him Padrone all the time, in public and in front of my family.
I understand many of you may not be able to do that because of your jobs or associations you have in your vanilla lives. But, if you really are serious about living a real life BDSM relationship with your partner, then start taking steps to slowly break it to your family and your friends. There are many ways you can still respect your D/s relationship in a vanilla setting, you just have to find that balance.
If you want to try to break the news to your parents, I suggest you start by maintaining what I call lite D/s around them. Things like having your submissive get your drink, maybe calling you a specific name or title, sitting in a certain position (floor, to your left, ect) and allowing your family to get used to that. Then, if you think they can handle more information, tell them a little about D/s using the analogy of a 1950s style relationship where the man is the head of the household and the woman does as he says and abides by his decisions.
There are many ways to do it, you just have to go with what you think will make everyone the most comfortable. But, I do encourage you to start living your lifestyle in the open and taking pride in it.
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