I Am A Submissive Woman
i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive
i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive
to my Master in a loving
relationship.
i am not weak or stupid. i am a
strong woman,
with firm views and a clear concept
of what i want out of my life.
i do not serve out of shame or
weakness, but out of pride and strength.
i will look to my loving Master for
guidance and protection, for never
will i be more complete than when He
is with me.
i know that He will protect my body,
my mind, and my soul
with His strength and wisdom.
He is everything to me, as i am
everything to Him.
His touch awakens me and His
thoughts free me.
Only in serving Him do i find
complete freedom and joy…
His punishments may be harsh, but i
accept them thankfully,
knowing that He has my best
interests always foremost in His mind.
If He desires my body for pleasure,
i shall joyfully give it to Him
and take pleasure myself from
knowing that i have brought Him happiness.
However, the pleasure of the flesh
is but one facet of O/our relationship.
The love, the trust and sharing, the
words spoken and felt,
those are all parts of this
relationship.
My body is His, and if He says i am
beautiful, then i am.
No matter what i look like to
others, i am beautiful in His eyes,
and because of that i hold my head
high.
If He says i am His precious jewel,
then i am that…a beautiful,
sparkling gem.
If He says that i am His pet, His
slut, His whore, then i am that..
as wanton and dirty as He wants me
to be.
My mind is His, to expand, to
explore, to know only as He can.
i have no secrets from Him… for
secrets are a thing that would
keep me from being more perfectly
His.
Secrets would put a wall up between
my Master and myself…
and i do not want walls.
His lessons are not always ones i
would seek on my own,
but they are lessons He has decided
that i need, and so i learn from Him.
My soul is His, as bare to His touch
as ever my skin could be
when i kneel naked at His feet.
Never a moment goes by when i do not
feel His presence,
be He miles away or standing over
me.
If i were to ever displease Him, His
displeasure would be a blow to my soul,
worse punishment than any lashes
could be.
The anguish of my soul that i feel
when i disappoint Him
is harder to bear than any physical
anguish i feel.
i am grateful that he cares enough
about me to spend
His time and energy so freely on me.
i have the easier job, to feel, to
experience,
to let myself go and abandon
everything to Him.
i am His pleasure and His
responsibility, and He takes both seriously .
i am a submissive woman.
i am proud to call myself that, my
submission is a gift that i do not give lightly,
and can only be given to the One who
can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.
Only to my Master who has that
strength, will i give myself fully,
because i am strong and proud.
i am a submissive woman.
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I promised to give you all a sneak preview of the Table of Contents for my new book, Unveiled - The Secret Submissive Within.
I'm very proud to announce it here today! Let me know what you think! Look for more updates as the release date draws nearer!
I'm very proud to announce it here today! Let me know what you think! Look for more updates as the release date draws nearer!
Let me hear your thoughts on the content. Leave your comments below!
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After the huge response I received from my readers about BDSM and Body Image, I wanted to expand on that and give you some extra tips you can try to help yourself or your sub gain confidence and a better acceptance of their own bodies.
After 40 years of being female, I've come to the conclusion that a healthy, positive body image is hard to find, and neither caftans nor liposuction nor photo-shopping is the answer. Feeling good in your skin has nothing to do with whether you’re a size 2 or 22; it’s all about having a positive body image.
Having a poor body image means that you view your body in a negative light. You look at yourself and see only the negative. This often occurs when people with low self-esteem only see their physical flaws, most often when they look in the mirror.
If you are into the BDSM scene, most likely you are going to be naked any number of times. The first thing you have to remember is that your Dominant loves how you look. He has taken you as his submissive. He is proud of you and who you are. Take a moment to think about that. Really absorb it.
When using a mirror, look at your body in its entirety.
Try not to look at your body as individual parts. Don’t use a magnifying mirror when you look at your face. Look in the mirror and observe your whole body. When you do this, you might like what you see. Be at peace with your self-image by giving the mirror a rest.Stay off the scale.
Daily fluctuations in water weight can tip the scale up to five pounds in either direction, so if you step on the scale every day, you might be tempted to micromanage yourself. If you need to monitor your weight to stay on track or maintain, set aside a weekly or bi-weekly time to step on the scale. And don’t weigh yourself the week before your period, because you’ll most likely put on two to five pounds of water weight then. If you think you can do without the scale altogether, toss it and just go by how your clothes fit and how you feel.Throw away your ideas of “normal.”
Serena Williams and Arnold Schwarzenegger (whose BMIs are 32 and 33, respectively) are both considered “obese” according to the accepted healthy range of 18.5-24.9. But neither one is anywhere near fat. Remember that everyone is built differently, with different heights, bone densities, and amounts of muscle (which weighs more than fat) on their bodies. Just because your friend is a size 4 to 6 doesn’t mean that’s the right place for you to be.Notice that there are all types of bodies in all shapes, sizes and skin tones.
What you see in the media is not a representation of the human race. Appreciate the differences you see around you and appreciate your own individual looks.Heal your body image by taking note of how you talk to yourself about your body and change it if necessary.
Instead of, “I’m so fat and ugly, I hate myself,” tell yourself, “I have beautiful eyes and I am a good friend. The package may not be perfect, but it does need to be loved.”Take sexy pictures that show you in your most positive light.
Set up a camera with a self timer or ask a friend or Dominant take pictures of you with your hair and makeup done and in lingerie or skimpy clothing that all help to accentuate your body. Pick a couple of the images and put them on your cell phone or your laptop, anywhere you can access them easily. Look at them at different times during the day to reassure yourself how beautiful you are in your own skin.
I hope these extra tips and insights help all of you no matter your gender or body type love yourself more. We are all beautiful in our own way. Always remember that.
Also remember, the more confident and sexy you as a submissive feel, the more free you will be to serve your Dominant because the huge weight of self consciousnesses won't be hanging around your neck.
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The text book definition of a submissive is a person that takes the passive, receiving, or obedient role; one who relinquishes control for a large percentage of his or her day-to-day life to a top, or who submits within a formal set of rules and rituals.
A submissive / slave is usually aware first of the wants, needs and expectations of the Dominant figure around her and not concerned as much with her own wants, needs and expectations.
A submissive explores the new world of surrendering power to another. It is not surprising that people engaged in D/s often spend a lot of energy determining what are the appropriate bounds of submission and control to incorporate into their play. For those for whom this kind of power exchange is a lifestyle expression, the scope of dominance and submission implemented may be quite extensive.
When trying to define roles, the word of slave enters into the picture. While some people insist that the word slave, like the word submissive, can mean to the individual anything they want it to mean, it is a fact of the established and more experienced leather community that slavery in an M/s sense of the word has specific connotations, and that slavery differs from submission in significant ways. I want to explore those differences here and illustrate why I believe that a submissive and a slave are two entirely different creatures, as unlike as apples and oranges.
I will offer a definition of submissive and slave first put forth by Steven Davis on the old alt.sex.bondage newsgroup on Usenet in 1995. A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon her. A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter it is obligatory upon her to obey.
At the heart of submission is the choice to submit and the option to say No. The submissive decides how much authority she will cede to another, how much control she will bow to, and what aspects of her life she will surrender to the Dominant's command. Submissive power exchange is about choice: about the option to decide how one feels about a command and what one is going to do about it. At any point that the sub is not comfortable with this arrangement, it is within her rights to say "No, I'm not going to do that", and this becomes a signal to the couple that they need to renegotiate something. It does not completely derail the power dynamic between them.
A submissive that is controlled in large tracts of her life, her sexuality, work, dress, social habits, etc., may fall into a space of obedience where orders in those arenas are never mulled over. This is not counter to the definition I gave above but a special subset thereof: even for such a closely-controlled submissive, there remains some area of her life or aspect of her person where she retains autonomy, or where it is her option to decide if she wishes to submit in the moment. In short, a submissive chooses to submit and has the option in some area or another to say no to a dominant command.
How, then, does consensual slavery differ from submission? First and foremost, slavery hinges upon a commitment to obedience. The slave does not revisit issues such as "Should I submit?" or "How do I feel about that? Will I say yes or no?" When a Dominant order is issued, whether or not the slave agrees with it, she is obedient in the same manner that a soldier is who has enlisted in the Army. Secondly, in consensual slavery, a person gives themselves over to the control of another as completely as is humanly possible. This means not only a high degree of obedience, but that there is actually a chattel property context to the relationship. I’m not talking about a legal relationship, of course, but to a mutual understanding of ownership and property status that arises between the parties. While both slaves and submissives are often fondly referred to as property, in the sense of consensual slavery the slave becomes literally (by mutual agreement) the property of the Owner. It is not unheard of for slaves to be sold by an Owner and to go willingly to their new Master or Mistress.
A slave commits to obey. A no becomes a deal breaker in a way it can never be for a submissive. Thirdly, a slave cannot say No without completely rescinding the very basis of the Master / slave agreement. A No from a slave is a terminal deal-breaker in a way that it is not for a submissive. One analogy I offer is this: a submissive is like an employee in the workplace, who can protest directives and hope to resolve conflict with management (the Dominant). A slave, on the other hand, is like a soldier who, if she disobeys orders, has put herself in a position of mutiny with much more dire consequences to her relationship to the military (the Owner) than if she were a civilian disputing a less-controlling authority. The military cannot function if command authority is questioned, and neither can a Master / slave relationship.
Earlier I said, "The submissive decides how much authority she will cede to another, how much control she will bow to, and what aspects of her life she will surrender to the Dominant's command.". Slavery differs in this regard: these decisions are not made by the slave, but by the Owner for the slave, after the general commitment to obedience is in place.
If a Dominant is asking you to do things that are against the law or your own moral values, then he or she is not a true Dominant and you should really think if you want to continue that relationship.
Communication, Respect, Honor, Trust, Honesty, and Consistency need to play a predominant role in your daily life. As you continue your journey, you'll find these words are, or should be, entwined into everything you do or encounter. Without these words and adherence to what they represent, a true Dominant / submissive relationship will be doomed to an early failure. Four of these terms, Honor, Respect, Communication and Trust also form the basic building blocks or foundation of any Dominant / submissive (D/s) or Master/slave (M/s) relationship.
As a submissive or slave, you may not find yourself in control of many situations, but the one situation you are always in control of is how much you learn about this Lifestyle before venturing into it, and how much you continue to learn to improve yourself and your abilities to please your Master or Dominant. There are many avenues open to you to explore your submissiveness and to seek more knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. Reading articles, books, and internet sites can often prepare you for many of the things you have not discovered, as well as lead you to different thoughts about the Lifestyle.
Remember, all Dominants will push your limits and push the boundaries, but never take you so far over the edge that it will scar you physically or mentally. True Dominants know how and when to push the limits of their sub / slave, but also know when the sub / slave needs a softer touch. That is one of the marks of a true and caring Dom.
The main thing is to remember what being a submissive is about. That it is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person, a Dominant. It is allowing yourself to feel freedom by being taken in hand. It is about knowing, understanding, caring, and feeling things you cannot feel if you do not submit your entire self to that Dominant. It is essentially being allowed to fly, to blossom and grow, to know true freedom by being consensually enslaved.
A submissive / slave is usually aware first of the wants, needs and expectations of the Dominant figure around her and not concerned as much with her own wants, needs and expectations.
A submissive explores the new world of surrendering power to another. It is not surprising that people engaged in D/s often spend a lot of energy determining what are the appropriate bounds of submission and control to incorporate into their play. For those for whom this kind of power exchange is a lifestyle expression, the scope of dominance and submission implemented may be quite extensive.
When trying to define roles, the word of slave enters into the picture. While some people insist that the word slave, like the word submissive, can mean to the individual anything they want it to mean, it is a fact of the established and more experienced leather community that slavery in an M/s sense of the word has specific connotations, and that slavery differs from submission in significant ways. I want to explore those differences here and illustrate why I believe that a submissive and a slave are two entirely different creatures, as unlike as apples and oranges.
I will offer a definition of submissive and slave first put forth by Steven Davis on the old alt.sex.bondage newsgroup on Usenet in 1995. A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon her. A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter it is obligatory upon her to obey.
At the heart of submission is the choice to submit and the option to say No. The submissive decides how much authority she will cede to another, how much control she will bow to, and what aspects of her life she will surrender to the Dominant's command. Submissive power exchange is about choice: about the option to decide how one feels about a command and what one is going to do about it. At any point that the sub is not comfortable with this arrangement, it is within her rights to say "No, I'm not going to do that", and this becomes a signal to the couple that they need to renegotiate something. It does not completely derail the power dynamic between them.
A submissive that is controlled in large tracts of her life, her sexuality, work, dress, social habits, etc., may fall into a space of obedience where orders in those arenas are never mulled over. This is not counter to the definition I gave above but a special subset thereof: even for such a closely-controlled submissive, there remains some area of her life or aspect of her person where she retains autonomy, or where it is her option to decide if she wishes to submit in the moment. In short, a submissive chooses to submit and has the option in some area or another to say no to a dominant command.
How, then, does consensual slavery differ from submission? First and foremost, slavery hinges upon a commitment to obedience. The slave does not revisit issues such as "Should I submit?" or "How do I feel about that? Will I say yes or no?" When a Dominant order is issued, whether or not the slave agrees with it, she is obedient in the same manner that a soldier is who has enlisted in the Army. Secondly, in consensual slavery, a person gives themselves over to the control of another as completely as is humanly possible. This means not only a high degree of obedience, but that there is actually a chattel property context to the relationship. I’m not talking about a legal relationship, of course, but to a mutual understanding of ownership and property status that arises between the parties. While both slaves and submissives are often fondly referred to as property, in the sense of consensual slavery the slave becomes literally (by mutual agreement) the property of the Owner. It is not unheard of for slaves to be sold by an Owner and to go willingly to their new Master or Mistress.
A slave commits to obey. A no becomes a deal breaker in a way it can never be for a submissive. Thirdly, a slave cannot say No without completely rescinding the very basis of the Master / slave agreement. A No from a slave is a terminal deal-breaker in a way that it is not for a submissive. One analogy I offer is this: a submissive is like an employee in the workplace, who can protest directives and hope to resolve conflict with management (the Dominant). A slave, on the other hand, is like a soldier who, if she disobeys orders, has put herself in a position of mutiny with much more dire consequences to her relationship to the military (the Owner) than if she were a civilian disputing a less-controlling authority. The military cannot function if command authority is questioned, and neither can a Master / slave relationship.
Earlier I said, "The submissive decides how much authority she will cede to another, how much control she will bow to, and what aspects of her life she will surrender to the Dominant's command.". Slavery differs in this regard: these decisions are not made by the slave, but by the Owner for the slave, after the general commitment to obedience is in place.
If a Dominant is asking you to do things that are against the law or your own moral values, then he or she is not a true Dominant and you should really think if you want to continue that relationship.
Communication, Respect, Honor, Trust, Honesty, and Consistency need to play a predominant role in your daily life. As you continue your journey, you'll find these words are, or should be, entwined into everything you do or encounter. Without these words and adherence to what they represent, a true Dominant / submissive relationship will be doomed to an early failure. Four of these terms, Honor, Respect, Communication and Trust also form the basic building blocks or foundation of any Dominant / submissive (D/s) or Master/slave (M/s) relationship.
As a submissive or slave, you may not find yourself in control of many situations, but the one situation you are always in control of is how much you learn about this Lifestyle before venturing into it, and how much you continue to learn to improve yourself and your abilities to please your Master or Dominant. There are many avenues open to you to explore your submissiveness and to seek more knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. Reading articles, books, and internet sites can often prepare you for many of the things you have not discovered, as well as lead you to different thoughts about the Lifestyle.
Remember, all Dominants will push your limits and push the boundaries, but never take you so far over the edge that it will scar you physically or mentally. True Dominants know how and when to push the limits of their sub / slave, but also know when the sub / slave needs a softer touch. That is one of the marks of a true and caring Dom.
The main thing is to remember what being a submissive is about. That it is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person, a Dominant. It is allowing yourself to feel freedom by being taken in hand. It is about knowing, understanding, caring, and feeling things you cannot feel if you do not submit your entire self to that Dominant. It is essentially being allowed to fly, to blossom and grow, to know true freedom by being consensually enslaved.
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The following is an excerpt from the book The Submissive Guide I am currently working on:
There are many levels and versions of submission.
One way to ensure a good BDSM relationship is to be up front in what you want during play time, personal service and sexual service. State what your desires and needs are and there will be a lot less mistakes. Dominants are not mind readers. Be clear on your limits. Some submissives only submit in sexual scenes and not in the rest of their lives, while others give over their entire life to a Dominant. Some subs only want to be servant subs with no sexual acts ever taking place.
The following list isn't intended as a rigid classification. Most submissives don't fall neatly into one category. There are still further shades in between. I have listed what I term as the most common types of submissives.
The Conceptual Submissive:
This submissive is one that learns everything they know about submission from romance or erotica books and the internet. This submissive will normally only become an online sub or slave and try to administer advice to others with no real experience or concept of what BDSM is. They usually live a vanilla life outside of the cyber world.
The Mental Submissive:
The mental submissive begins his or her submission in their mind. This person is submissive in and out of the bedroom. They generally have a need to submit or surrender to a Dominant. The act of submission is all mental but can also consist of physical. S/he can give as much or as little as they wish to or need to give. The surrendering is the power exchange. Once the surrender occurs, they can become an empty vessel for the Dominants to mold in whatever image they wish. Love is not required, as this is a mental submission.
The Romantic Submissive:
This type of submissive wishes to surrender everything, without becoming a slave. In comparison with the mental submissive, a romantic submissive craves the love of the Dominant they submit to. The act of submission is full of emotion and love. They give all they have for the return of love and trust from the Dominant they serve.
The Bedroom Submissive:
This type of submissive is Vanilla in every facet of their life or even Dominant, but when the bedroom door shuts, the roles drop and they submit to the Dominant. The bedroom is where the power exchange happens and stays. This submission is almost always sexual in nature. In the bedroom, the act of submission is complete. But, when the bedroom door is open, the bedroom submissive returns to the vanilla world or role.
The Servant:
This type of submissive is only interested in serving a Dominant. This submissive typically does not include sexual activities. They run errands, clean the home, run a Dominant's calendar or arrange meetings for the Dominant. This type of submissive satisfies their submissive needs by doing things for other people. This is a very special type of submissive.
The Sex Slave:
This submissive is in this Lifestyle for sex, with one person, many people, or in any way that can be imagined. This person rarely has any limits when it comes to sex and will allow a Dominant to use pain as a method of arousal and release, with little or no cautions. This submissive cannot imagine any punishment worse than being locked in a chastity device or not given permission to masturbate or have sexual release.
The Slave:
Unlike a submissive, a slave must surrender completely and be completely controlled by a Master. The slave must feel completely owned. They can become a different person when a Master trains them to serve Him/Her in whatever way they prefer. When Master is happy, the slave is happy. They feel most complete when with a Master. The slave beams when s/he brings Master pleasure.
The SAMs (Smart Ass Masochists):
These are 'Smart Ass Masochists'. They deliberately misbehave all the time so the Dominant will punish them. These types of subs are frowned upon in the BDSM community. Most people feel these subs are too weak to honestly ask for what they want. At times, they can provoke real anger without thinking how their behavior can affect the Dominant. The Dominant may then lose control and do actual harm to the SAM. They feel great remorse in losing control and can lose confidence in their Dominant abilities.
The Attention Seeker:
These types of submissives are the ones that always do things to seek attention from other submissives and Dominants alike. They post status updates on web sites that try to make you feel sorry for them, post lots of pictures of themselves in various states of undress, not because they are proud of their bodies but from the need to receive good comments to make validate their efforts, and are generally very whiney. These kinds of submissives are mostly found in cyberspace and are generally frowned on by real life BDSM practitioners.
The UBER (Alpha) Submissive:
This person believes they are the ultimate, uber submissive. They think no one can come close to their knowledge, level of submissiveness, or training in protocol. They believe they are a step above all other subs and slaves. These people are generally not real submissives. They tend to read books and articles about the Lifestyle, may even submit to a Dom, but generally have no experience and don’t know what to do with book knowledge in real situations. They also do not have the need to submit internally and only want to do it for the experience.
Now, these are the different types of subs/slaves that I use to categorize. Don't forget that you may not fall into just one area, but several.
You also may not agree with my descriptions. But hopefully, this will give you a broader understanding of the different levels of submission and the many forms it can come in.
You also may not agree with my descriptions. But hopefully, this will give you a broader understanding of the different levels of submission and the many forms it can come in.
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A Dominant is a person with a dominant aspect in their personality who needs and chooses to expand on that dominance through a consensual power exchange.
He may only require the power exchange in a limited capacity or may choose to exercise that dominance within a 24/7 relationship.
I want to
talk a little about new Dominants. Yes, Dominants need training also. Contrary
to popular belief by wannabe Doms, they are not born with the knowledge of a BDSM
Master. Many people that just start out read a lot about different parts of the
Lifestyle online and all of a sudden think they know everything. We all have
met these people. And we all have laughed them right off our friends list also.
Before shouting out loud to everyone what a great Dominant you are, go find a mentor that
actually has been around BDSM enough to be able to teach you. There is no shame
in a submissive teaching you either. In fact, they will probably give you lots
of insight into the inner psychology of the submissive. You should also try
some of the things on yourself to understand what it feels like.
Here is a
general guideline for new Dominants:
Be Humble. Do not strut around and shout out you are a
Dominant. You have to earn respect. It is not a given. Be careful to not let
your ego kill any chances you might have of building a relationship or getting
a new play partner.
Be Tolerant. You will meet many people on your journey who
will be completely different from yourself. Remember, no one was born with the
knowledge of how to be a dominant, and only by keeping our minds open, can we
expect to better ourselves.
Be Open. As you start to explore the wide and various
world of BDSM, you have to remain open to learning new things and not automatically
condemn something that is not to our liking.
Be Honest. Always tell the truth. Never lie to your
partner or yourself. If you don’t know something (technique or knowledge wise),
be honest and admit that. There is no shame in not knowing something. The shame
comes in when you hurt someone by performing a scene and you hurt your partner
because you didn’t have the training to do it correctly.
Study, Learn, and Study Some More. If you have chosen D/s as your
lifestyle you must also choose to forever be a student willing to learn.
Communicate. Talk about everything! It doesn't matter if
you are the type of dom who plans out every last move in a scene, one who just
wings it and does what feels right at the moment, or somewhere in-between;
discuss with your partner things you would like to do and scenes you would
enjoy, and encourage your partner to do the same.
Learn from Your Mistakes. Dominants are only human and you
will make a mistake here or there. Admit it, learn from it, and try not to make
the same error again.
Remember
that you are here to dominate the submissive. Be firm and self-assured. Know
what you want and do not apologize for wanting it. State your wants and needs
clearly and clarify it should the sub not understand. Discipline transgressions
consistently and make sure that you do what you say when you said you would.
Use your voice and hand gestures and make sure that rules are established and
that they are followed.
You need to
make sure that you are physically able to play. For this you need some
strength, fitness and agility some times. Make sure that you do not use drugs
or alcohol when you play, as you need to be completely aware of the environment
and the submissive much more so than she or he needs to be.
Have fun
though and enjoy the journey. I am sure these tips will help. These tips are
generic though and you will find them all over. Remember that wisdom
lies in the oft-repeated phrases.
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Many readers, both Dominants and submissives, send me messages asking about submissive or slave training.
They want to know if there is a "correct" way to do it. I always tell them with respect, compassion, and deep understanding of the individual person and situation.
I believe that just as every person is different, every situation is also. You have to adapt training to fit your submissive's personality, as well as your relationship and lifestyle. If your sub/slave is a brat, you will usually end up giving harsher and more frequent punishments. If they are more meek, mild correction is probably the best way so you don't destroy their confidence and help to build self-esteem, while correcting whatever behavior you do not like. There is no one size fits all.
While I can't give you a manual on how to train your slave, I can give you a general direction and tips to possibly follow.
Whenever a dominant considers a new submissive for training, the first step is an assessment where the dominant seeks to learn about the specific needs, wants, strengths, weaknesses and desires of the sub. This assessment certainly includes sexual aspects but is not limited only to that. Quite often, sexual training and sexual activities a submissive is exposed to have other purposes and objectives in mind beyond merely someone experiencing a great orgasm.
The nuts and bolts of how submissive training and development is accomplished is dependent to a large degree on whether the relationship with a dominant takes places face to face or in an online environment. In real life experiences, generally the dominant will provide the training and instruction directly to the submissive. Starting slowly, with brief periods of instruction and simple activities, the dominant begins to introduce the submissive to new experiences.
While there are some recognized BDSM ceremonies, such as collaring ceremonies, formal presentation, etc., there are no recognized BDSM rituals. There are however a few points that dominants generally bear in mind when creating and using rituals.
They want to know if there is a "correct" way to do it. I always tell them with respect, compassion, and deep understanding of the individual person and situation.
I believe that just as every person is different, every situation is also. You have to adapt training to fit your submissive's personality, as well as your relationship and lifestyle. If your sub/slave is a brat, you will usually end up giving harsher and more frequent punishments. If they are more meek, mild correction is probably the best way so you don't destroy their confidence and help to build self-esteem, while correcting whatever behavior you do not like. There is no one size fits all.
While I can't give you a manual on how to train your slave, I can give you a general direction and tips to possibly follow.
Whenever a dominant considers a new submissive for training, the first step is an assessment where the dominant seeks to learn about the specific needs, wants, strengths, weaknesses and desires of the sub. This assessment certainly includes sexual aspects but is not limited only to that. Quite often, sexual training and sexual activities a submissive is exposed to have other purposes and objectives in mind beyond merely someone experiencing a great orgasm.
The nuts and bolts of how submissive training and development is accomplished is dependent to a large degree on whether the relationship with a dominant takes places face to face or in an online environment. In real life experiences, generally the dominant will provide the training and instruction directly to the submissive. Starting slowly, with brief periods of instruction and simple activities, the dominant begins to introduce the submissive to new experiences.
Categories
Physical
- Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the acquisition of physical skills like dance. There are differences among dominants as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a submissive yet some things are commonly taught.Verbal
- At its most basic, verbal training includes how the submissive addresses his or her dominant. It has been my experience that dominants have preferences about how a submissive is permitted to address them and you may be confident that this information will be provided to you.Mental
- Training focused on the mental realm involves things like memorization, keeping a journal, improving concentration skills (i.e., meditation), acquiring new knowledge, improving problem solving skills and learning to bend the will more effectively to that of the dominant through development of greater determination to please and persistence to pursue tasks and assignments to successful conclusion.Emotional
- This is for the purpose of helping a submissive to learn to be more obedient or less willful.Sexual
- Beyond simple male-female penile-vaginal intercourse, possibilities for sexual training topics for the novice submissive include things like:- Learning to experience increased arousal
- Learning to become sexual in new ways
- Overcoming sexual blocks (e.g., mental, moral, ethical, shame)
- Erotic movement (e.g., erotic dance, striptease, pole dancing)
- Restrictions on masturbation frequency
- Orgasm control/denial
- Overcoming body shame
Discipline and Correction
- Some might see these two terms as meaning essentially the same thing. Others might wonder why punishment was not included in the title. To address the latter first, correction may involve punishment but punishment is generally punitive while correction need not be punitive at all.Rituals and Protocols
- A ritual may be defined as any formalized action or set of actions, repeated in a specific and structured way. Rituals are processed at the subconscious level, making the practice of rituals a very effective means of shaping a person's beliefs, self-image, thoughts and behavior. Thus, rituals are a key part of submissive training and a tool often used by dominants.While there are some recognized BDSM ceremonies, such as collaring ceremonies, formal presentation, etc., there are no recognized BDSM rituals. There are however a few points that dominants generally bear in mind when creating and using rituals.
- Rituals have an exactly repeatable structure, basically a script. Repeating the same thing regularly helps it become a habit that sinks deep into the self-conscious.
- Rituals should have a definite purpose, objective or goal. Whether the submissive is aware of it or not, the dominant should be.
- The most effective rituals have a direct link to specific activities or events.
- Rituals should be simple, using relatively few words and acts.
- Rituals should have a definite beginning and end.
- The number of rituals should be limited. Too many and they become difficult to remember, a burden and limit spontaneity.
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Have you ever heard the expression 'Sometimes Life gets in the way'?
I can honestly say that is a true statement. You're going along your normal routine with slight variations here and there, but pretty much the same daily routine, when all of a sudden, BAM! Here comes Life with one if its twisted little delays or side roads.
That is what the past 2 weeks have felt like for me during the construction and renovations that have been taking place. My normal, somewhat orderly world as a 24/7 slave was completely turned inside out and upside down. The noise and dust took away my concentration from my work on the internet because I had to concentrate on stuff here at home. I was unable to perform even the most basic of duties because of all the upheaval. If you have been in the lifestyle for any amount of time, you will understand how that can upset a dedicated slave and make them feel as though they were not up to par.
This is when Padrone had me take a step back and revisit some of my own lessons learned in how to cope with frustration and anger, but also to practice patience. I am not known as a very patient person.
I was busy with painting, organizing, cleaning, and trying to also perform my normal duties as well as I could. You have to remember, even though I teach and right about many different aspects in managing and maintaining a 24/7 M/s relationship, I have to sometimes step back and practice what I preach. I had to silence the negative voices in my own head. Had to remind myself that I was doing the best I could with the situation I had.
When you are in a situation that you can't control, that you have to deal with, the best thing to do is try to see the end of it and stay positive. This is not a lesson in BDSM, just a life lesson. Stay as positive as you can and keep your head up. If you are in a situation that you think a temporary change in your submissive duties would help you mentally or emotionally, then talk to your Dominant.
And remember, communication is also one of the best tools you can utilize. Talk to your Dominant about your frustrations, anger, or doubts. If it involves them, then tell them so. Never hold anything back, but always be respectful.
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