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Introducing a new book from author Michelle Fegatofi!

BDSM Basics for Submissives tackles specific topics that every submissive/slave will deal with at least once in their submissive life. The first installment Dealing with the Mental and Emotional Side of Submission looks deeper into the psychological side of BDSM.

BDSM Basics for Submissives - non fiction educational book cover

Over the years, I have found a lot of helpless and sometimes clueless submissives that were mentally and emotionally abused by dominants. They each felt like they deserved anything they got and never even questioned the dominants about their behavior. One of the hardest things to learn as a new submissive in the world of BDSM is how to navigate and deal with the whirlwind of mental and emotional stress that can come from being in a D/s or M/s relationship. Many people believe they are not allowed to feel any bad feelings, think bad or wrong thoughts, and always have to be a happy submissive. As humans, we all have to deal with negative feelings and thoughts from time to time, even though we may be submissives. This guide is a tool that will help you understand, analyze, and deal with different types of emotions and mental stresses associated with being a submissive.

BDSM Basics for Submissives - non fiction educational book cover back

Available in eBook format at:

Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Bdsm-Basics-Submissives-Emotional-Submission-ebook/dp/B00NT65UYS/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1412285081&sr=8-2&keywords=michelle+fegatofi

Apple iBooks:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/bdsm-basics-for-submissives/id921971642?mt=11

Barnes and Noble:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bdsm-basics-for-submissives-dealing-with-the-mental-and-emotional-side-of-submission-michelle-fegatofi/1120416544?ean=9781312334168

Kobo:

http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/bdsm-basics-for-submissives-dealing-with-the-mental-and-emotional-side-of-submission

BDSM Basics for Submissives - Contents - non fiction educational book

Coming Soon in Paperback!

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If you read my last post on

Feeling like a Submissive Failure, you know that this past year has had a lot of ups and downs for me. I have struggled with mood swings, lack of interest, lack of motivation, and the inability to focus on one thing for long. The things I enjoy the most (writing and interacting with my followers) just fell to the wayside because I simply had no drive to pursue them.

Normally, I have a very even temperament and sunny personality no matter if I'm sick, suffering from the effects of my Epilepsy, or dealing with unpleasant people. Many times in the past few months, I really wondered to myself if I was having some kind of mental illness starting or if my body had been possessed by a ghost or some evil demon spirit. There were many times that I was aggressive to my Padrone and other times I was feeling down over something insignificant that he said. If you know me or have read my previous posts, you know I love and worship my Padrone. He is my world and being his slave is what makes me happy. I respect and obey him in all ways.

So, if I'm happy, in love with my Padrone, love being his slave and living a 24/7 M/s relationship, what could possibly possess me to ever get aggressive towards him or try to start a fight over something stupid? It would make a great story if I could say that a gremlin took over my body, but this is reality. What it really was is Menopause.

I know I'm only 41 years old. That is usually too young to have full blown menopause. Well, in my case it's not. At the age of 32, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. The doctor recommended a complete hysterectomy. At age 33, about a year after the surgery, my body transitioned into a premenopausal state. At first, the symptoms were so small and random that they didn't really bother me that much. Now in the past couple of years, I have been experiencing more hot flashes and needing much more sleep. Even though I experienced these symptoms, I never consciously thought about the reason behind them.

Thinking back over this past year and talking about it with Padrone, the mood swings and many other symptoms attributed to menopause really escalated as far back as May. I never thought about it because I was the one it was happening to and unless you make a very conscious effort to monitor all of your moods, actions, and words, you have no idea how they come across to other people.

Become more aware of your words, moods, actions.

How does menopause affect submission? It can affect it in many ways that a submissive female is not aware of. It made my moods erratic at times. It caused me to become stand-offish and have thoughts of directly disobeying Padrone. It made me wonder at times if I really was cut out to be a submissive or if I was just going through the motions. It made me doubt myself, my life choices, my thoughts, even my sanity at times. Without the loving guidance and extreme patience of Padrone, I honestly have no idea how I would have withstood the firestorm of emotions going on inside my own head this past year.

So, how and when did I come to realize that I was not crazy and that everything that I have been experiencing was attributed to menopause? A couple of days ago I started crying very intensely for no reason. Padrone was asleep and I curled up into his back, clinging for dear life. He woke up, turned over and asked me what the matter was. I was crying so strongly that I couldn't even talk. He just held me until I calmed down. When I was able to form coherent thoughts and words, I told him that I really didn't know why I was crying. He held me and after some moments told me he thought it was menopause.

I hadn't even thought about that. We quietly talked it over and discussed all my symptoms and things that had been happening to me over several months prior. He calmed me down and told me to research menopause symptoms, especially mood swings. I did as I was told. After reading the first article, it felt like a light bulb went on above my head. Once I read several articles, a huge weight seemed to lift off my shoulders and it was like I had a revelation! It turned out I had never been possessed by a gremlin nor was I losing my mind! All the crazy stuff I had been experiencing, feeling, and going through had a medical explanation. I had finally transferred into full blown menopause after suffering premenopause for almost 8 years.

Here are a list of commonly felt symptoms experienced by women in Pre menopause or Menopause:

Breast tenderness
Vaginal dryness
Lower sex drive
Mood swings
Erratic thoughts or behavior
Fatigue
Aggressiveness
Sleep deprivation
Difficulty concentrating
Lack of focus
Lack of motivation
Weight gain or loss
Forgetfulness
Depression
Anxiety

Those are just some things that women can face during this period in their lives. There is hope and help to control or curb many of these symptoms. I urge you to do your own research and talk to a doctor before starting any new health regimens.

Can you still be a submissive if your are experiencing menopause? Of course! The very first thing you need is a very patient and understanding Dominant. The next thing you have to do is to become more aware of your moods, thoughts and actions, especially reactions. When you have thoughts that make you doubt your ability or desire to submit, stop and reflect on the joy, love, and honor you get from being submissive to your dominant.

Make sure to talk to your dominant about what's going on inside your head and with your body. Help him understand that these changes occurring will make your submission a little more difficult sometimes and that during these times is when you need a little more understanding and leniency. Ask him to read some of the research you found on premenopause and menopause to help him understand more.

Once you realize what's going on, you can find a way to combat the symptoms and help your moods stay on a more even wave length. I'm very fortunate to have a more experienced and extremely patient Padrone. With his help, I am feeling more like myself than I have in a long time. If you have a dominant, always remember that you are not alone in dealing with this condition. Lean on his shoulder as much as you need to. That's what I do and that in and of itself is priceless.

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