I’ve been in the Lifestyle for over 20 years and the title of ‘slave’ has always been given by the Master to their property. In the past five years or so, within groups on social media, it has become somewhat fashionable to identify as a slave rather than just a submissive, despite having no experience in BDSM and no real frame of reference.
I posed this question to different social sites asking for their thoughts on self-awarded titles and the responses were extremely varying. Some thought that it was up to the Dominant to give out the title of slave if they felt like it was earned. Others think that the sub has the right to call themselves by whichever title they want as they are the ones it is referring to. Many thought that too much importance was being given to titles/labels and think they should be done away with completely.
Personally, I think every bottom should stay with the title ‘submissive’ until they engage in a Master/slave dynamic and get trained to become the slave of that Master. How else can a person actually know and understand what it means to transition from a submissive to a BDSM Consensual Slave? There are many differences between the two and the titles cannot be interchanged.
Of course, everyone has their own opinion and it’s up to the individual to decide how they will proceed with their journey through the Lifestyle. I’ve written many posts about my thoughts on the different types of submissives, the new titles and descriptions that have popped up in the past 5 years or so, as well as the actual differences between being a submissive and a slave in a BDSM relationship.
I was trained by members of the Old Guard, so I tend to lean that way in my thoughts involving BDSM matters. I believe that there are steps you can not cross or circumvent just to gain a title. Just like respect, titles are earned.
The first thing a person has to do is to gain a basic knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. After this, they can continue on with their journey, as a Dominant or a submissive, and hopefully find a relationship or dynamic that works for them. Once a couple get together, hopefully makes a limits list and a contract outlining the rules of the dynamic, this would be the appropriate time to discuss different titles, such as submissive or slave, Dominant or Master. How can a person decide they are automatically a slave with no knowledge or experience actually living as one in a relationship setting? It’s impossible and takes the meaning from the word. It actually demeans the title in my opinion.
Let me clarify something. I am not saying that a person cannot have slave tendencies, while still remaining a submissive. This is a different thing. A person can actually say they are a submissive with slave tendencies, while remaining a submissive until they find a dynamic in which they or their Master gives them the permission to use the title of slave.
With the influx of so many new people online exploring the BDSM community, obviously things will change in the Lifestyle and continue to evolve. But, if we do not hold on to the basic teachings, roles, titles, and rules, BDSM will cease to exist and something else entirely different will evolve. I personally, will work to uphold the core values of the Old Guard way of practicing BDSM while keeping an open mind and watching BDSM evolve in ways we have yet to imagine.
I posed this question to different social sites asking for their thoughts on self-awarded titles and the responses were extremely varying. Some thought that it was up to the Dominant to give out the title of slave if they felt like it was earned. Others think that the sub has the right to call themselves by whichever title they want as they are the ones it is referring to. Many thought that too much importance was being given to titles/labels and think they should be done away with completely.
Personally, I think every bottom should stay with the title ‘submissive’ until they engage in a Master/slave dynamic and get trained to become the slave of that Master. How else can a person actually know and understand what it means to transition from a submissive to a BDSM Consensual Slave? There are many differences between the two and the titles cannot be interchanged.
Of course, everyone has their own opinion and it’s up to the individual to decide how they will proceed with their journey through the Lifestyle. I’ve written many posts about my thoughts on the different types of submissives, the new titles and descriptions that have popped up in the past 5 years or so, as well as the actual differences between being a submissive and a slave in a BDSM relationship.
I was trained by members of the Old Guard, so I tend to lean that way in my thoughts involving BDSM matters. I believe that there are steps you can not cross or circumvent just to gain a title. Just like respect, titles are earned.
The first thing a person has to do is to gain a basic knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. After this, they can continue on with their journey, as a Dominant or a submissive, and hopefully find a relationship or dynamic that works for them. Once a couple get together, hopefully makes a limits list and a contract outlining the rules of the dynamic, this would be the appropriate time to discuss different titles, such as submissive or slave, Dominant or Master. How can a person decide they are automatically a slave with no knowledge or experience actually living as one in a relationship setting? It’s impossible and takes the meaning from the word. It actually demeans the title in my opinion.
Let me clarify something. I am not saying that a person cannot have slave tendencies, while still remaining a submissive. This is a different thing. A person can actually say they are a submissive with slave tendencies, while remaining a submissive until they find a dynamic in which they or their Master gives them the permission to use the title of slave.
With the influx of so many new people online exploring the BDSM community, obviously things will change in the Lifestyle and continue to evolve. But, if we do not hold on to the basic teachings, roles, titles, and rules, BDSM will cease to exist and something else entirely different will evolve. I personally, will work to uphold the core values of the Old Guard way of practicing BDSM while keeping an open mind and watching BDSM evolve in ways we have yet to imagine.
Share this post - support us:
I was sitting in the hotel, just working as usual on the internet, when a thought hit me all of a sudden.
I was wearing a sleeveless dress and had not even given it a second thought! This was staggering!
See, before this year, I was extremely self conscience about my upper arms being flabby and not the perfectly shaped muscles you see portrayed in pictures and movies that every other woman seems to have, except me.
I didn't have the confidence in myself to be comfortable in my own skin. It took me 43 years to get there, but I finally have arrived. I love my shape and I love my body just as it is. It's the only one I will ever get! I finally learned to stop caring what other people thought of my body and what I put on it. I have 2 tattoos, fat rolls, stretch marks, scars, flabby arms and thighs. I love every part of me because I earned those imperfections. They are badges of honor for the life I have lead so far.
I also realized that me not taking pride in myself, in my body, was in a way, disrespecting my Padrone. Padrone loves my body as it is. He has always encouraged me to wear things that fit my shape and show it off versus covering it all up in large, shapeless clothes. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how proud he is to show me off when we are out and about. I grew up thinking if you were larger than a size 8, you had to wear really big clothes to disguise your shape. That's just what people did. As I got older and got involved in unhealthy relationships as an adult, I continued thinking being fat and showing off my shape was a sin. Now, I know better!
Being a BDSM submissive slave has so many facets to it. For me, it's a mindset, a lifestyle, and an overall philosophy. Taking pride in myself, my actions and my body is taking pride in my submission. How? It means that I know I am worthy of all the attention my Padrone gives to me. I am worthy of his love and guidance. I am worthy of everything he gives me.
When I didn't show confidence in my body, how could I be confident in my submission? If I don't like myself, like everything about me, that is just like me telling Padrone he is wrong about what he thinks about me. If he likes my body as it is but I don't, that is not submitting to him completely. As a slave, I have surrendered my entire self to him willingly and consensually. When I agreed to become his slave, I agreed that his word was always final. He loves me as I am but I didn't, so I was violating my submission to him.
As a submissive, you take pride in how you serve your Dominant. You follow their directions, perform tasks, follow their rules and protocols. You take pride in your abilities and love learning new ways and forms of submission. If you are not confident in yourself, it will affect your submission. There are things that your Dominant will ask you and if you aren't confident in yourself and your abilities, you will feel like you are being pushed past your limits and might shut down or strike out at your dominant.
If you don't feel confident in yourself, figure out why. If it's how you look or how you act, work on changing or accepting it. You cannot fully understand submission and give yourself over to someone else's care unless you fully understand and accept yourself.
Take a few moments each day, whether it is the first thing or the last thing you do to start building that confidence in yourself that you deserve to feel. Own your body. Own your mind. Own your surroundings.
How can someone else 'own you' if you never knew what it means to 'own yourself'?
I was wearing a sleeveless dress and had not even given it a second thought! This was staggering!
See, before this year, I was extremely self conscience about my upper arms being flabby and not the perfectly shaped muscles you see portrayed in pictures and movies that every other woman seems to have, except me.
I didn't have the confidence in myself to be comfortable in my own skin. It took me 43 years to get there, but I finally have arrived. I love my shape and I love my body just as it is. It's the only one I will ever get! I finally learned to stop caring what other people thought of my body and what I put on it. I have 2 tattoos, fat rolls, stretch marks, scars, flabby arms and thighs. I love every part of me because I earned those imperfections. They are badges of honor for the life I have lead so far.
I also realized that me not taking pride in myself, in my body, was in a way, disrespecting my Padrone. Padrone loves my body as it is. He has always encouraged me to wear things that fit my shape and show it off versus covering it all up in large, shapeless clothes. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how proud he is to show me off when we are out and about. I grew up thinking if you were larger than a size 8, you had to wear really big clothes to disguise your shape. That's just what people did. As I got older and got involved in unhealthy relationships as an adult, I continued thinking being fat and showing off my shape was a sin. Now, I know better!
Being a BDSM submissive slave has so many facets to it. For me, it's a mindset, a lifestyle, and an overall philosophy. Taking pride in myself, my actions and my body is taking pride in my submission. How? It means that I know I am worthy of all the attention my Padrone gives to me. I am worthy of his love and guidance. I am worthy of everything he gives me.
When I didn't show confidence in my body, how could I be confident in my submission? If I don't like myself, like everything about me, that is just like me telling Padrone he is wrong about what he thinks about me. If he likes my body as it is but I don't, that is not submitting to him completely. As a slave, I have surrendered my entire self to him willingly and consensually. When I agreed to become his slave, I agreed that his word was always final. He loves me as I am but I didn't, so I was violating my submission to him.
As a submissive, you take pride in how you serve your Dominant. You follow their directions, perform tasks, follow their rules and protocols. You take pride in your abilities and love learning new ways and forms of submission. If you are not confident in yourself, it will affect your submission. There are things that your Dominant will ask you and if you aren't confident in yourself and your abilities, you will feel like you are being pushed past your limits and might shut down or strike out at your dominant.
Take a few moments each day, whether it is the first thing or the last thing you do to start building that confidence in yourself that you deserve to feel. Own your body. Own your mind. Own your surroundings.
How can someone else 'own you' if you never knew what it means to 'own yourself'?
Share this post - support us:
