I Am A Submissive Woman
i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive
i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive
to my Master in a loving
relationship.
i am not weak or stupid. i am a
strong woman,
with firm views and a clear concept
of what i want out of my life.
i do not serve out of shame or
weakness, but out of pride and strength.
i will look to my loving Master for
guidance and protection, for never
will i be more complete than when He
is with me.
i know that He will protect my body,
my mind, and my soul
with His strength and wisdom.
He is everything to me, as i am
everything to Him.
His touch awakens me and His
thoughts free me.
Only in serving Him do i find
complete freedom and joy…
His punishments may be harsh, but i
accept them thankfully,
knowing that He has my best
interests always foremost in His mind.
If He desires my body for pleasure,
i shall joyfully give it to Him
and take pleasure myself from
knowing that i have brought Him happiness.
However, the pleasure of the flesh
is but one facet of O/our relationship.
The love, the trust and sharing, the
words spoken and felt,
those are all parts of this
relationship.
My body is His, and if He says i am
beautiful, then i am.
No matter what i look like to
others, i am beautiful in His eyes,
and because of that i hold my head
high.
If He says i am His precious jewel,
then i am that…a beautiful,
sparkling gem.
If He says that i am His pet, His
slut, His whore, then i am that..
as wanton and dirty as He wants me
to be.
My mind is His, to expand, to
explore, to know only as He can.
i have no secrets from Him… for
secrets are a thing that would
keep me from being more perfectly
His.
Secrets would put a wall up between
my Master and myself…
and i do not want walls.
His lessons are not always ones i
would seek on my own,
but they are lessons He has decided
that i need, and so i learn from Him.
My soul is His, as bare to His touch
as ever my skin could be
when i kneel naked at His feet.
Never a moment goes by when i do not
feel His presence,
be He miles away or standing over
me.
If i were to ever displease Him, His
displeasure would be a blow to my soul,
worse punishment than any lashes
could be.
The anguish of my soul that i feel
when i disappoint Him
is harder to bear than any physical
anguish i feel.
i am grateful that he cares enough
about me to spend
His time and energy so freely on me.
i have the easier job, to feel, to
experience,
to let myself go and abandon
everything to Him.
i am His pleasure and His
responsibility, and He takes both seriously .
i am a submissive woman.
i am proud to call myself that, my
submission is a gift that i do not give lightly,
and can only be given to the One who
can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.
Only to my Master who has that
strength, will i give myself fully,
because i am strong and proud.
i am a submissive woman.
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The subject of sexual fetishism is one of those taboos that is, well, not all that taboo. In the right atmosphere, people barely hesitate to share what "really turns them on," and you'd be hard-pressed to find a women's magazine that hasn't delved into the subject of fantasies, sex toys and stuff-he-won't-tell-you-he-wants.
Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation. The object or situation of interest is called the fetish. A sexual fetish may be regarded as an enhancing element to a romantic/sexual relationship "achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment)".
- Body piercings
- Hair
- Leather (masks, clothing, etc)
- Stiletto heels (the closer to erotic dancer versions the better)
- Feet
Bizarre Historical Fetishes
Fetishes have been around for centuries, probably even longer than recorded history. Yet, many people don't have a clue to some of the more bizarre ones that were popular in centuries past.
- Tentacle Rape - Late 18th Century - The modern tentacle rape genre was created by Toshio Maeda, whose manga Urotsukidoji "created what might be called the modern paradigm of tentacle porn," which we suppose in Japan is actually seen as an accomplishment rather than grounds for a sexual assault conviction. According to Maeda, he started the practice in order to get around Japan's strict censorship laws, which forbade the depiction of a penis but did not forbid penetration by anything else. While Maeda may have created the modern tentacle rape, he wasn't the inventor--not even close. Maeda was preceded by Katsushika Hokusai, an artist from the late 18th and early 19th century. Hokusai was the artist of the "Thirty-Six Views of Mount Fuji," an internationally recognized series of prints that earned him fame both locally and globally. Hokusai's "The Dream Of The Fisherman's Wife" is speculated to be the first instance of tentacle erotica, so by all means don't click that link if you're at work, there are children present or you have a soul.
- Autoerotic Asphyxiation - 17th Century - Experts say that on the list of most frequent causes of embarrassing deaths, autoerotic asphyxiation ranks just below tequila and above backyard wrestling. While the term "sex accident" may sound awesome--like a high speed collision with a tractor trailer made of nudity--the reality of it is hotel staff discovering your body strangled to death and clutching your genitals in a kung fu grip. According to ABC News, roughly 500 to 1000 young men accidentally die each year during autoerotic asphyxiation. Erotic asphyxiation goes back to the 1600s, when it was used as a treatment for erectile dysfunction, presumably because the patient in question would rather be dead than go on living.
- Foot Fetishism - 13th Century (or Earlier) - Put simply, the foot fetish is a sexual attraction to feet, be they wrapped up in stockings or bare. Foot fetishism has many forms, and can range from simple kissing and licking to full on penis massages. The first mention of foot fetishism we can find dates back to 1220 AD. Experts think the fetish got its start due to fear of STDs (history records show a lot more foot lovers during syphilis epidemics, like those of the 16th and 19th centuries). Keep in mind that back then, pretty much everything in the world gave you some version of the plague, let alone the festering bog of some peasant's vagina.
- Necrophilia - Fifth Century BC - This is having sex with dead bodies. Psychologists have theorized that there are a number of reasons why someone would be attracted to corpses, chief among them being the desire for a lifeless and unresistant partner (well, duh). But apparently the whole craze started the same way so many things start - with mummies. Herodotus (the Greek historian who lived in the fifth century BC) wrote in his Histories that, in order to stop people from having sex with corpses before mummification, the ancient Egyptians left them to decay for three or four days before handing them off to the embalmers. That's right: Necrophilia was such a problem for these guys that they had to take active preventative measures against it.
- Sadomasochism - 470 BC - Sadomasochism involves two consenting partners engaging in a style of sexual roleplay characterized by domination and submission. One partner, the dominant, inflicts pain, while the other partner, the submissive, receives it. S & M covers a wide range of activities, from simple verbal abuse and light spanking to full-blown flogging and humiliation. So if de Sade wasn't the father of sadomasochism, who was? Tarquinia's Tomb of the Floggings contains some of the earliest erotic artwork known to man, and they're almost 2,500 years old (dating around 470 BC). In addition to numerous depictions of orgies and guy-on-guy butt-tastic sex, we have a scene of what is clearly two dudes filling out one woman while whipping her back.
So the next time you are thinking about your own fetishes, hopefully you will wonder about its origins.
Look for more Fetish related posts in the future because this is an endless subject!
Leave any comments or interesting facts below! We love hearing from you!
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After a while, even with the kink that goes on in a BDSM relationship, things can become routine.
A spanking is just another spanking, or serving becomes so routine you can do it with out thought. In time, all relationships can get into a rut. Here are some things you might try to spice up your relationship with your Dom or sub partner.
All the Kink, but None of the Thrill
If you are a couple that incorporates some or many BDSM toys in your daily or weekly sex life and you or your partner are not getting the same thrill or zing from it, it may be time to go back to basics.
Recently, I received an email from a fan that was having trouble achieving an orgasm. She stated that her Dom uses the same toys every session, even if in different orders, and that he uses many different ones. I recommended them going back to basics.
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See, the human body has many pleasure and pain points. There are many toys on the market (bondage, vibrators, clamps, blindfolds, dildos, floggers, paddles, etc...) that do very good jobs at enhancing sexual arousal and pleasure. But, if you use all of the toys mentioned above for every scene or session, after time, depending on the person, it can become routine and your body gets used to them.
I suggested she set down with her Dominant and discuss this problem. She did and they got rid of all but one toy and decided to change up the toys from scene to scene and to sometimes leave them out all together, using only hands and the ability to obey, as their "tools". I received an email about 3 weeks later and she said that it worked! She had orgasmed every time.
Back to Basics Suggestions:
If you are used to letting toys do the work of arousing and teasing your sub, then you should learn or re-learn to use your mind, body and voice as your only tools.
Voice - Use your most dominant sounding voice to command your sub to stay in certain positions (on all fours, flat on back knees raised, arms to the side, standing at attention legs wide apart, etc...). The sound and power that comes from a natural dominant's commands will sink into a sub's mind and stimulate not only her need and wish to submit to whatever you say, but will also activate her sexual desires as well. Remember, the mind is the most sensual sexual organ we possess.
Body - Use your hands to tease the sub's body. Play with her breasts and nipples, touching light to hard. Experiment with lightly touching her with just your fingertips all over her body while she is laying still and commanded not to move. Use your lips to nibble and reign kisses all over her neck, arms, legs, and torso (front and back) while skipping over her clit and nipples. This builds anticipation and will be unexpected. Have her lay on her stomach with legs spread and lay down on top of her, teasing her vagina with your penis without actually inserting it. Play with her. Enjoy the feeling of your skin on hers. Of the differences between the two of you and how wonderful you both feel touching each other.
Mind - This is your biggest asset, because this is where all the feelings and stimulus that you are doing to her body end up going. Use your imagination. Allow yourself to act out your fantasies with her. Get into her mind, make it sensual and sexy. Make her feel deeply how much you want her by showing her physically and telling her verbally.
Sometimes we forget how to actually connect with our partners without using toys, bondage, or other stimuli. Even if you aren't having issues because of incorporating too many things, take a step back every now and then and embrace a simpler but very sexy and sensual form of sex.
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I tried logging into my tumblr account michellefegatofi.tumblr.com today and it was gone.
I sent an email to their help desk and they said it was deleted because I used an affiliate's tag and was now considered a spammer. So, apparently, using the same hashtag is a no no. Lesson learned.
I decided to open a new account and rebuild my followers. When I was adjusting the settings, I got a big surprise! The now-Yahoo-owned blogging network made a significant change to the way adult-themed blogs could be discovered on the site, which even further hid their content from public consumption.
One of the best things about Tumblr was that if you knew how to utilize hashtags properly, you could get your name, business, or internet site indexed on the web much faster and acquire many more followers faster. Now with their new settings, only followers can search your content. Adult themed blogs will not be searchable within Tumblr or on the net. So, now I am on the fence if I even want to bother with populating the new account.
It makes sense that Tumblr may not want to index NSFW content — especially if the company wants to sell ads on more content — but rather than putting up faux walls for discovery or denying access to certain terms in mobile apps, the company should create an explicit opt-in setting that allows users to decide if they want to see potentially adult or NSFW content in search. Turn it off by default if you want. This wouldn't be unlike how Google allows users to omit NSFW or adult content from their settings.
If Tumblr isn't careful about how it handles the community response to its new policies, it could backfire.
What do you think of Tumblr's new policies? Are you outraged or is this much ado about nothing? Let us know in the comments.
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Have you been on Facebook lately and noticed that many of your favorite pages are missing? Wonder why this happened? Here is a little background history.
Laura Bates, founder of the Everyday Sexism Project, writer and activist Soraya Chemaly and Jaclyn Friedman from Women, Action & the Media joined forces to launch the hashtag Twitter campaign #FBRape in May 2013. The campaign focuses on content that portrays rape and violence against women positively. More than 50,000 have tweeted in support of the FBrape campaign and around 5,000 have emailed brands whose advertising appears around the content.
Following the week long campaign blitz, at least 15 International companies pulled their ads, including Nissan UK, Nationwide UK, J Street and WestHost. On May 29, 2013, Facebook announced it would update its policies on hate speech, increase accountability of content creators and train staff to be more responsive to complaints, marking a victory for women's rights activists.
Now, we do support the removal of pictures portraying abused women and children from Facebook. But, there has to be a line drawn when they go overboard with picture removal and start closing legitimate educational BDSM Lifestyle pages. What the general public and FB doesn't seem to understand is that BDSM is a way of living between two or more consenting adults. Yes, it is not mainstream and there are many aspects of it that would be deemed vile or the regression of women's rights because some of us choose to happily and willing submit to a man.
However, BDSM is not only made up of male Dominants and female submissives. There are female Dominants and submissives, male Dominants and submissives, and Transgender Dominants and submissives. We are a wide and diverse community. Our practices are not aimed at harming anyone, nor are they done without consent. During play (a scene) where any form of S&M is involved, the submissive has a safety net of sorts by having the ability to use a safeword for any reason. A safeword is a word that stops all play and the submissive is immediately taken out of any action they may be in and cared for.
There are several feminist groups that support our right to live our lifestyle as we want, but there are also many moralist and feminist groups that deem BDSM as harmful, immoral, and indecent. The reason they think it's wrong is because they do not understand deeply what BDSM really is.
One of the most caring, deep, and honest relationships I have ever witnessed are those that live a BDSM Lifestyle. The core foundations of a true loving D/s relationship is trust, complete honesty, and open, two way communication.
However, BDSM is not only made up of male Dominants and female submissives. There are female Dominants and submissives, male Dominants and submissives, and Transgender Dominants and submissives. We are a wide and diverse community. Our practices are not aimed at harming anyone, nor are they done without consent. During play (a scene) where any form of S&M is involved, the submissive has a safety net of sorts by having the ability to use a safeword for any reason. A safeword is a word that stops all play and the submissive is immediately taken out of any action they may be in and cared for.
There are several feminist groups that support our right to live our lifestyle as we want, but there are also many moralist and feminist groups that deem BDSM as harmful, immoral, and indecent. The reason they think it's wrong is because they do not understand deeply what BDSM really is.
One of the most caring, deep, and honest relationships I have ever witnessed are those that live a BDSM Lifestyle. The core foundations of a true loving D/s relationship is trust, complete honesty, and open, two way communication.
The fallout of the FBrape campaign has been the trampling of the BDSM Community's rights to have a presence on social media sites. There have been hundreds of legitimate Facebook pages that have been unpublished and deleted since FB's policy changes were introduced. Some pages have put in appeals and have been restored.
It seems like the overall morals of society and the internet companies are suddenly taking a step back in time by bowing to the moralist groups and allowing them to dictate what everyone else's beliefs should be, thus inhibiting the rights of minority groups to have freedom of speech and expression. I realize because of the monetary loss to Facebook's revenue, they may not have a choice but to bow to the moralist beliefs of the Feminist groups pressuring them. But surely, they are a big enough company and believe in the rights of freedom of expression and freedom of speech, to implement changes that would balance the wants of the moralist groups while allowing us to live and express ourselves as we want to.
We understand that parents are worried about what their children see on the internet, but it is not our responsibility to police them. We use the built in page settings to make sure no one under age is allowed to see our pages. Parents have to take responsibility for their own children's actions and learn to monitor their internet usage more.
Facebook should also take off the option that allows your friends to see what content you are linking and change it to people having to allow chosen individuals the option to see their likes. As of today, if you don't like or agree with certain pages or content on FB, you can always choose the option to block that page so you won't ever see their content. To me, this seems like it would be the obvious and adult option to take.
So, where does this leave us as a community? Apparently out in the cold or back in the closet, unless we get an organized campaign together to combat these changes and demand our own rights.
I ask all of you, please tweet, email, call, knock on doors, and contact everyone you can think of that will help us get the word out as well as to come together as a community to demand our equal rights to be seen and heard. Use the hashtag #StopBDSMFBCensorship in all of your protest communications.
It seems like the overall morals of society and the internet companies are suddenly taking a step back in time by bowing to the moralist groups and allowing them to dictate what everyone else's beliefs should be, thus inhibiting the rights of minority groups to have freedom of speech and expression. I realize because of the monetary loss to Facebook's revenue, they may not have a choice but to bow to the moralist beliefs of the Feminist groups pressuring them. But surely, they are a big enough company and believe in the rights of freedom of expression and freedom of speech, to implement changes that would balance the wants of the moralist groups while allowing us to live and express ourselves as we want to.
We understand that parents are worried about what their children see on the internet, but it is not our responsibility to police them. We use the built in page settings to make sure no one under age is allowed to see our pages. Parents have to take responsibility for their own children's actions and learn to monitor their internet usage more.
Facebook should also take off the option that allows your friends to see what content you are linking and change it to people having to allow chosen individuals the option to see their likes. As of today, if you don't like or agree with certain pages or content on FB, you can always choose the option to block that page so you won't ever see their content. To me, this seems like it would be the obvious and adult option to take.
So, where does this leave us as a community? Apparently out in the cold or back in the closet, unless we get an organized campaign together to combat these changes and demand our own rights.
I ask all of you, please tweet, email, call, knock on doors, and contact everyone you can think of that will help us get the word out as well as to come together as a community to demand our equal rights to be seen and heard. Use the hashtag #StopBDSMFBCensorship in all of your protest communications.
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"Don’t try to be someone you aren’t. You will hate yourself for it and the effort to maintain the façade will exhaust you." ~ Larry Winget
Being proud is all about questioning and arriving at your own conclusion. Those who embrace who they are with high esteem are able to formulate their lives as they see fit. People who are involved in the BDSM world seem to fit into this category. One typically does not find an alternative lifestyle without questioning the traditional. Most everyone I met within the lifestyle went through this process to one degree or another.
Because BDSM is so misunderstood, people often experience shame and self-hatred before coming out as BDSM participants. Secrecy about one's sexual desires can lead to problems with spouses and difficulty connecting with their community for fear of being "found out".
While mainstream culture fetishizes, for example, breasts and lacy black negligees, kinky people often have similar interests in leather, rubber or feet. Other forms of BDSM involve sexual practices that play with power dynamics between partners, unusual forms of stimulation such as "pain" (think: hickies or biting at the height of sexual passion), constraint or sensory deprivation or "dark" emotions such as fear, anxiety and anger played in a theater of eroticism. There is wide variety within this community: some people merely incorporate some kinky practices into a private sexual life as a couple, while others live a total BDSM lifestyle.
Even though mainstream society has its opinions about how we live, the truth is there are thousands of people who think exactly how you do. Therefore, it is in your best interest to not feel the shame that society tries to bestow upon people who are "different".
Everything you can think of is contained under the umbrella of BDSM. Yet, there are many who want to shame others for their preferences.
This is where pride comes in. Just because some others (or the masses even) do not agree with your preferences, that does not mean that you should not be proud of who you are. Whatever your fetish, take pride in your desires. There is nothing wrong with them. Shed those Puritan ideals who instill so much guilt into people and be free. Why should a woman be ashamed of liking sex (a lot)? It is only because of an archaic belief system that this concept exists. If you like sex, and get a lot of it (i.e. a slut), be proud. So what if some do not approve.
I hid myself for many years from everyone, especially my family. After becoming a 24/7 live-in slave to my Padrone, I decided from the beginning to not hide that fact from my family, friends, or anyone else. I wear my collar with pride all the time, it literally never comes off. We don't shouve our choice of relationship into people's faces, nor do we hide it either. I call him Padrone all the time, in public and in front of my family.
I understand many of you may not be able to do that because of your jobs or associations you have in your vanilla lives. But, if you really are serious about living a real life BDSM relationship with your partner, then start taking steps to slowly break it to your family and your friends. There are many ways you can still respect your D/s relationship in a vanilla setting, you just have to find that balance.
If you want to try to break the news to your parents, I suggest you start by maintaining what I call lite D/s around them. Things like having your submissive get your drink, maybe calling you a specific name or title, sitting in a certain position (floor, to your left, ect) and allowing your family to get used to that. Then, if you think they can handle more information, tell them a little about D/s using the analogy of a 1950s style relationship where the man is the head of the household and the woman does as he says and abides by his decisions.
There are many ways to do it, you just have to go with what you think will make everyone the most comfortable. But, I do encourage you to start living your lifestyle in the open and taking pride in it.
Being proud is all about questioning and arriving at your own conclusion. Those who embrace who they are with high esteem are able to formulate their lives as they see fit. People who are involved in the BDSM world seem to fit into this category. One typically does not find an alternative lifestyle without questioning the traditional. Most everyone I met within the lifestyle went through this process to one degree or another.
Because BDSM is so misunderstood, people often experience shame and self-hatred before coming out as BDSM participants. Secrecy about one's sexual desires can lead to problems with spouses and difficulty connecting with their community for fear of being "found out".
While mainstream culture fetishizes, for example, breasts and lacy black negligees, kinky people often have similar interests in leather, rubber or feet. Other forms of BDSM involve sexual practices that play with power dynamics between partners, unusual forms of stimulation such as "pain" (think: hickies or biting at the height of sexual passion), constraint or sensory deprivation or "dark" emotions such as fear, anxiety and anger played in a theater of eroticism. There is wide variety within this community: some people merely incorporate some kinky practices into a private sexual life as a couple, while others live a total BDSM lifestyle.
Even though mainstream society has its opinions about how we live, the truth is there are thousands of people who think exactly how you do. Therefore, it is in your best interest to not feel the shame that society tries to bestow upon people who are "different".
Everything you can think of is contained under the umbrella of BDSM. Yet, there are many who want to shame others for their preferences.
This is where pride comes in. Just because some others (or the masses even) do not agree with your preferences, that does not mean that you should not be proud of who you are. Whatever your fetish, take pride in your desires. There is nothing wrong with them. Shed those Puritan ideals who instill so much guilt into people and be free. Why should a woman be ashamed of liking sex (a lot)? It is only because of an archaic belief system that this concept exists. If you like sex, and get a lot of it (i.e. a slut), be proud. So what if some do not approve.
I hid myself for many years from everyone, especially my family. After becoming a 24/7 live-in slave to my Padrone, I decided from the beginning to not hide that fact from my family, friends, or anyone else. I wear my collar with pride all the time, it literally never comes off. We don't shouve our choice of relationship into people's faces, nor do we hide it either. I call him Padrone all the time, in public and in front of my family.
I understand many of you may not be able to do that because of your jobs or associations you have in your vanilla lives. But, if you really are serious about living a real life BDSM relationship with your partner, then start taking steps to slowly break it to your family and your friends. There are many ways you can still respect your D/s relationship in a vanilla setting, you just have to find that balance.
If you want to try to break the news to your parents, I suggest you start by maintaining what I call lite D/s around them. Things like having your submissive get your drink, maybe calling you a specific name or title, sitting in a certain position (floor, to your left, ect) and allowing your family to get used to that. Then, if you think they can handle more information, tell them a little about D/s using the analogy of a 1950s style relationship where the man is the head of the household and the woman does as he says and abides by his decisions.
There are many ways to do it, you just have to go with what you think will make everyone the most comfortable. But, I do encourage you to start living your lifestyle in the open and taking pride in it.
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When browsing BDSM pictures or adult toy shops, some of the costs are very high.
Since the downturn in the world economy, many families don't have the extra money to buy floggers, vibrators, fancy paddles, or bondage equipment. Below are a couple of things most people have just around the house or that can be bought for cheap that can be used as improvised play equipment.
Some of the most basic items that you can find for a BDSM toy bag include many things you can find at your local dollar store. Some of the things I recommend are clothes pins, clothes line and/or rope, scarves, rubber bands, bag clips, hair brushes, plastic rods (from mini blinds or shower rods), mixing spoons/spatulas (both wooden and plastic), candles (paraffin is best for beginners but regular candles can do in a pinch), hangers (both plastic and wire), pantyhose, paper, and pencils.
Restraints
Hand, wrist, or ankle restraints can easily be done with cords, ribbons, tape measures, belts, soft ropes, pantyhose, ties, bandanas or scarves. You can use them to tie hands or feet together or use one end to tie a hand or foot to the corner of a bed. Always make sure that there is no tingling in fingers or toes and that the one restrained is comfortable. You do not want to cut off circulation with a too tight knot. Keep a very sharp pair of scissors handy in case you have to do a emergency cut!
Gags and Blindfolds
Ties and scarves can be used to blindfold or gag a submissive. They should be of a soft material so that they don't chafe. if you are more improvised ball gags, you can buy a small or medium plastic ball from the dollar store, drill a hole thru it and attach a scarf or rope to secure it around the submissives head.
Clamps
We have all seen the beautiful and in some cases, very creative nipple clamps that are available on the market today. But, if you are in a pinch, or don't have or want to spend the money, you can improvise and make your own.Clothes pins are great for nipple and clit clamps/torture. Chip clips can be used for nipples but are great to clamp the entire vagina lips together. Just like regular clamps, be careful with the amout of time you leave them attached. The longer you leave them, the more it will hurt when they are taken off.
Paddles
Now, there are a veritable unlimited number of items you can use that you have already, or can buy for cheap, to deliver that spanking. Here is what I can think of that just the average household would have: wooden or plastic spoons or spatulas, belts, flip flops, thin to medium sized tree branches, acrylic or thin wooden cutting boards with handles, and hair brushes.
Flogger
A Rubber Band Flogger is an easy project that can be done fairly quickly. It's a great toy for light flogging or for flogging sensitive areas, like genitals or nipples. All you need are some rubber bands, a needle and thread, an unsharpened pencil or dowel rod, and some tape (I like duct tape or electrician's tape). Tip: If you want a flogger to throw with more force, use a longer dowel rod. Cut the rubber bands in half, match up the ends, and run the needle and thread through. Once you have a chain of rubber bands long enough to wrap around the end of your pencil or dowel rod, tie them on with the ends of the thread. To make this secure, wrap the end of your pencil or dowel rod with tape, and voila -- happy flogging.
the handle. You can dress this flogger up however you want once you make it. Slide the inner tube through the PVC pipe to about halfway and then fold the inner tube back over the outside of the PVC pipe. Carefully cut the hanging end of the inner tube with a sharp knife or scissors into strips of about 1/2" to 1" wide. This part is optional, if you want to hang your flogger on the wall. Get your drill and carefully drill two holes at the hand-end of the PVC pipe. Insert your grommets or your D-ring.
Most people believe that in order to “do BDSM correctly” they need to focus on having the latest and greatest implements and instrumentation. BDSM is more about creativity and freedom from doing and being the expected. Never be afraid to let your imagination run wild. Hallmark sign of a serious player: they can find a way to use anything in a room in a kinky way.
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Body image.
It is something that we rarely talk about in the scene and yet, so many of us struggle with it. Are you someone who hesitates to strip down to nothing at that play party because you are plagued with a negative body image? Do you hold back in a scene because you are consumed with thoughts of how you look in a scene instead of being able to find joy and pleasure in your play? Or are you a Top who has a submissive who is having difficulty connecting with you because she is more of a slave to food and body obsession than to you?
It seems like there is a whole generation of us that grew up with body-hatred, feeling imperfect and not-beautiful, no matter what we looked like. Too thin, too fat, to busty, too flat, too tall, too short, wide hips, no hips, too much ass, not enough. A never-ending litany of what is wrong with us physically, reinforced by images on television, in movies and in print that we could never hope to live up to; growing up understanding that how we look is the most important thing about us. And that it was never good enough.
The scene offers some wonderful things that the vanilla world does not. While we come from all walks of life, BDSMers all have a love for the alternative. We are not people who spend every Wednesday night engaged in military-style intercourse. We love passion, the power exchange, and the magic of sexual self-expression. This attitude translates, generally speaking, into a more open-minded attitude toward size, not to mention age, gender, race, and orientation.
Unlike our vanilla friends who rarely see large naked bodies, we have many opportunities through play parties and demos to look at, get used to, and eventually admire the soft curves of fat people. It is at first astounding, and then liberating to see a large man or woman walk around a play party stark naked, proud of their body, fully loved. It's hard not to like someone who likes herself so much.
I discovered with time and support from my Padrone that my body, with its ability to do all these things we do, to transform pleasure into pain, to bend and twist and tolerate being bound, to find pleasure in all this, was an asset. He always looks at me appreciatively, and, suddenly, I wasn’t invisible. I was fulfilling one of the most fundamental cores that I had been raised to believe was the most important thing in being female—being attractive to men—and I reveled in it. From the time He took me on as his slave, I have not looked back. Sure, I have times I think or verbalize I wish this was different, this was smaller, or that not so saggy. He gives me 'the look' and I snap out of it really quick!
The thing about body issues is that everyone has them, women and men, thin and fat, you and me. If you want to get over self-criticism, here are some things you can try. Start by communicating with your body, using affirmations to find the beautiful parts about yourself, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Listen to what your body has to say, and respect your own path. This is the foundation of self-love. If you love yourself, loving your body will follow.
On the practical side, go to some play parties or other public situations where you will be able to observe people of all sizes and shapes enjoying themselves. Replace any critical thoughts in your head with positive ones about the beauty of their bodies, whether it be good skin, soft curves, great butt to spank, strong muscles, or wonderful handfuls of breasts. Talk to your friends about what beautiful thing you saw in this larger person. If it's not a physical attribute, notice their courage for playing in public, their love of their own body, or their unself-consciousness. For the female Dominant, size can be an advantage, projecting a powerful physical presence which attracts Submissives. If you have this advantage, use it.
With time, support, and a lot of self reflection, you too can become comfortable with and learn to love your body, no matter the shape.
It is something that we rarely talk about in the scene and yet, so many of us struggle with it. Are you someone who hesitates to strip down to nothing at that play party because you are plagued with a negative body image? Do you hold back in a scene because you are consumed with thoughts of how you look in a scene instead of being able to find joy and pleasure in your play? Or are you a Top who has a submissive who is having difficulty connecting with you because she is more of a slave to food and body obsession than to you?
It seems like there is a whole generation of us that grew up with body-hatred, feeling imperfect and not-beautiful, no matter what we looked like. Too thin, too fat, to busty, too flat, too tall, too short, wide hips, no hips, too much ass, not enough. A never-ending litany of what is wrong with us physically, reinforced by images on television, in movies and in print that we could never hope to live up to; growing up understanding that how we look is the most important thing about us. And that it was never good enough.
The scene offers some wonderful things that the vanilla world does not. While we come from all walks of life, BDSMers all have a love for the alternative. We are not people who spend every Wednesday night engaged in military-style intercourse. We love passion, the power exchange, and the magic of sexual self-expression. This attitude translates, generally speaking, into a more open-minded attitude toward size, not to mention age, gender, race, and orientation.
Unlike our vanilla friends who rarely see large naked bodies, we have many opportunities through play parties and demos to look at, get used to, and eventually admire the soft curves of fat people. It is at first astounding, and then liberating to see a large man or woman walk around a play party stark naked, proud of their body, fully loved. It's hard not to like someone who likes herself so much.
I discovered with time and support from my Padrone that my body, with its ability to do all these things we do, to transform pleasure into pain, to bend and twist and tolerate being bound, to find pleasure in all this, was an asset. He always looks at me appreciatively, and, suddenly, I wasn’t invisible. I was fulfilling one of the most fundamental cores that I had been raised to believe was the most important thing in being female—being attractive to men—and I reveled in it. From the time He took me on as his slave, I have not looked back. Sure, I have times I think or verbalize I wish this was different, this was smaller, or that not so saggy. He gives me 'the look' and I snap out of it really quick!
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| Model: Arachnia |
The thing about body issues is that everyone has them, women and men, thin and fat, you and me. If you want to get over self-criticism, here are some things you can try. Start by communicating with your body, using affirmations to find the beautiful parts about yourself, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Listen to what your body has to say, and respect your own path. This is the foundation of self-love. If you love yourself, loving your body will follow.
On the practical side, go to some play parties or other public situations where you will be able to observe people of all sizes and shapes enjoying themselves. Replace any critical thoughts in your head with positive ones about the beauty of their bodies, whether it be good skin, soft curves, great butt to spank, strong muscles, or wonderful handfuls of breasts. Talk to your friends about what beautiful thing you saw in this larger person. If it's not a physical attribute, notice their courage for playing in public, their love of their own body, or their unself-consciousness. For the female Dominant, size can be an advantage, projecting a powerful physical presence which attracts Submissives. If you have this advantage, use it.
Developing a Healthy Body Image
- Listen to your body. Eat when you are hungry.
- Be realistic about the size you are likely to be based on your genetic and environmental history.
- Exercise regularly in an enjoyable way, regardless of size.
- Expect normal weekly and monthly changes in weight and shape.
- Work towards self acceptance and self forgiveness- be gentle with yourself.
- Ask for support and encouragement from friends and family when life is stressful.
- Decide how you wish to spend your energy -- pursuing the "perfect body image" or enjoying family, friends, school and, most importantly, life.
Think of the three A's
- Attention: Refers to listening for and responding to internal cues (i.e., hunger, satiety, fatigue).
- Appreciation: Refers to appreciating the pleasures your body can provide.
- Acceptance: Refers to accepting what is -- instead of longing for what is not.
With time, support, and a lot of self reflection, you too can become comfortable with and learn to love your body, no matter the shape.
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