Everyday, we go through our daily lives in the vanilla world.
When we go to work, take the kids to school, go shopping, visit friends, or just go about our routines, we are surrounded by normal or "vanilla" people. We all maintain some level of "normal/vanilla" so we don't draw undue attention to ourselves or our lifestyle.
The majority of people following BDSM blogs or sites are entirely vanilla except for the brief moments in time when they are online or in the bedroom and get to explore the BDSM side of their personality. Now, there are many people and couples like myself that live the lifestyle 24/7, but the majority do not.
So, if you want to incorporate more of the Lifestyle into your daily life, without upsetting your vanilla world too much, how would you do that? The following tips can be used in cyber or real life relationships.
Dominants
Submissives
These are but a few of the rules you can incorporate into your relationship to help you feel more submissive or Dominant in a vanilla world.
When we go to work, take the kids to school, go shopping, visit friends, or just go about our routines, we are surrounded by normal or "vanilla" people. We all maintain some level of "normal/vanilla" so we don't draw undue attention to ourselves or our lifestyle.
The majority of people following BDSM blogs or sites are entirely vanilla except for the brief moments in time when they are online or in the bedroom and get to explore the BDSM side of their personality. Now, there are many people and couples like myself that live the lifestyle 24/7, but the majority do not.
So, if you want to incorporate more of the Lifestyle into your daily life, without upsetting your vanilla world too much, how would you do that? The following tips can be used in cyber or real life relationships.
Dominants
- Have your submissive use text messaging or email to check-in with you certain times of the day to let you know where they are.
- Give your submissive specific orders of what to wear (color of panties each day; heels or flat shoes; dress or pants, etc...)
- Give your submissive a token of her position to wear as a reminder (collar, bracelet, ring)
- Give her orders of what color to paint her nails each week
- Give her reasonable tasks to follow each day
Submissives
- Keep a photo record of the places you go or tasks you accomplish during the day and send them to your Dominant.
- Use a GPS tracking software on your cell phone to allow your Dominant to see your whereabouts anytime they want to.
- Send a text message when you arrive and when you leave a new location
- Write an email of what your daily schedule for that day and send it to your Dominant either the night before or first thing in the morning
These are but a few of the rules you can incorporate into your relationship to help you feel more submissive or Dominant in a vanilla world.
If you have any other suggestions, please comment below. We love hearing from you!
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Like the Seasons change, Spring into Summer, Summer into Fall, Fall into Winter, so can an online BDSM relationship.
Many online relationships mimic the seasons, if you think about it, and in a relatively short time. You get all nice and warm when you first meet and get to talking to a Dom/sub (spring into summer). Things heat up very fast and you start to sizzle, get all tingly and hot when you talk, play, cyber, whatever (Summer).
But then after a while, one of you changes. Real Life commitments creep in to take more time away from your already limited time. One of you gets distracted by other people online or you simply don't feel that spark, that heat, as you once did (Summer into Fall). Doubts, frustrations, anger creep in. Mistrust and lies start coming into the relationship.
Avoidance of one to the other often ensues soon after. During this period (Fall to winter), before a couple has a complete breakdown and separation, both tend to get bombarded by loads of negative feelings.
After separation (Winter), you tend to feel alone, mad at all the world, hurt, disappointed, angry, and really thinking to yourself if the BDSM lifestyle is really
something you want to pursue.
You see, to many, Cyber BDSM is not just an online fantasy world. These people put their hearts into it. They connect on a deep level with their minds and at a very fast rate with their other half (Dom or sub). They don't take the time to talk about anything else usually but gossip around the web or sexual experiences. But, when one starts wanting to expand the relationship and the other is not on the same wave length, chaos and hurt will always follow.
I say don't give up on the BDSM Lifestyle just because you might have gone through many different Doms/subs or potential Doms/subs. Re-evaluate your stance, approach and position to the entire Cyber BDSM community. If you honestly want and are looking for something more, something more meaningful than just a fantasy, make sure you are very clear in your intentions when you engage, talk and start getting deeper into a friendship, possible relationship with the other person.
We are not psychic. None of us ever truly knows what the other is thinking, especially when it comes to online persona's. Trust your instincts about that person and be open and honest about your expectations. Tell the other one if you want only just online fantasy play or something a little more real, but online based.
Who knows? If the connection becomes strong enough, you might both decide that you want to be together in real life and then move in together. You never know. But the number one rule, is to be open and honest about your wants, needs and expectations, not only through out the relationship, but from the very beginning.
Because once trust is broken or someone is caught lying, who knows if the relationship can survive that, especially a BDSM one.
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