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During the year, we all see, hear, and read many articles from various sources telling us that the more weight we lose, the better we will feel. Millions of people get told by their doctors they need to be a certain weight based on statistics that many of us will never fit or reach for various reasons.

forget society's idea of beauty

Articles in magazines tout how better we will look and feel if we just exercise more, eat less, and try to conform more to the beauty standards set by the glossy magazines. Now, some things are true. If we eat healthier, using less grease and sugars, we do tend to feel better. But losing weight is not always a good thing, even if you are a BBW. Let me tell you why.

body image and the media

I have been a large woman, around a US 18/20, pretty much my entire adult life. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in my early 20s. Hypoglycemia is a condition in which a person suffers from low blood sugar and needs to intake more carbohydrates than normal. A person that suffers from diabetes is just the opposite. They have to watch their sugar intake.

hypoglycemia

I lived in the USA until I was 38. During that time, I ate out at various fast food places a lot, ate candy, drank sodas, and basically lived in junk food. My hypoglycemia was never a problem because of all of the sugars and extra fat I had on my body. I literally forgot I had it until after I had my first child. During pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight and was down around a size 14 after delivery. I noticed that I was getting dizzy spells, not feeling hungry, and craving really starchy foods like potatoes, rice and bread. When the symptoms didn't subside, I went to my doctor and they ran tests thinking I had developed diabetes. The positive test results came back once again for hypoglycemia. I went back to my old eating habits, gained all my weight back, and the symptoms disappeared.

hypoglycemia symptoms

Now, many years later, I move to Italy at the age of 38 to become a fulltime 24/7 submissive slave to my Padrone Marco. Naturally, since I'm in a new country, completely different food, eating habits, stores, ways that the packaged food in the grocery stores are processes, and many other factors, I start losing weight. Now, I didn't do it on purpose and I still ate whatever I wanted to. But because of the above factors, the transformation happened naturally. Fast forward 2 years and 5 months later, I am now in a size 12/14.

don't worry about the weight loss

Now you are wondering why I am telling you this by now, aren't you? The reason is this. My hypoglycemia is back. The symptoms mirror that of my epilepsy in many ways, but differ also. I found that my dizzy spells got worse. My moods were grumpier. I never had an appetite for anything and I started eating more bread related food. At first, I thought it was my epilepsy acting up mire but it didn't fit the normal patterns or symptoms. Then I thought about what I was eating. I first thought it was from eating kits of things with sugar and drinking too much coffee with sugar in it. So, we switched to sweeteners and ate much less sweets. My symptoms got worse and my cravings for carbohydrates increased.

hypoglycemia symptoms

I then once again remembered the hypoglycemia that had given me so much trouble when I had lost weight after my pregnancies. I did the research and bingo! Reading the symptoms online was just like they had written my own story. Padrone did reading as well and now makes sure I eat something starchy every 3-4 hours. Slowly, we are learning how to keep it mostly in check with different types of food and frequency of eating times.

Frequency and Eating

The reason I am sharing this with you is to prove to you that loosing weight is not always better for your health. When I was larger, I didn't have any problems with my heart or blood pressure and my cholesterol was only slightly elevated. I lost weight naturally and it made my health problems worse with the reemergence of the hypoglycemia. Pay attention to doctors, but mostly, pay attention to the signs your body is giving you.

Listen to Your Body

Of course eating a healthier diet is smarter. It will be better for your body as well. But if you feel good and your weight isn't causing you health problems, then keep on eating and doing what you are doing. The most important thing is that you are happy. The happier you are, the better your life will be.

Happyness is something we decide ourselves

Don't let the pics that are plastered in magazines be your idea of beauty. Let the person you see in the mirror be the judge. Show the world a confident, happy, BBW and they will look on in wonder and think how beautiful you are.

Confident and Beautiful

If you are into the BDSM lifestyle, the same holds true. You have to be comfortable with your body because you don't want to disappoint your Dominant by being depressed and insecure about your weight or shape. You have to remember that if your Dominant didn't find you attractive and sexy, he never would have picked you to submit to him.

Confident ans Secure

So, don't make a resolution to lose weight, make one that says you will learn to love your body and yourself as you are. Make a resolution to be happy. Make a resolution to be you and not something you see on TV or in magazines. Because you have to remember that you are beautiful in your own skin.

Confident and Happy


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As an American coming to Italy to be a 24/7 slave for Padrone Marco 2 years and 3 months ago, I have learned, grown and changed a lot.


Learn, Change, Growth

Being a BDSM submissive was not new to me, but being a 24/7 slave to an Italian Master was. Of course, we grew close by learning about each other and falling in love despite the ocean between us. We both loved the other enough to make the transition from online to reality after only 5 months of being together. 

Turn Fantasy into Reality

We first met online on FB as friends. At that time, I belonged to a different online Dominant but was having a lot of trouble with that relationship. Whenever I popped up in chat to ask advice, Padrone always gave it from a neutral stance. Our relationship grew, I became an unowned sub, and he eventually asked me to be his online slave. There were 9 hours difference between us. Luckily, he worked nights so that allowed us to have running conversations all day via Yahoo or FB messaging.

Online Love Relationship

I lived in California and he in Tuscany, Italy. We established rules, guidelines, rituals, protocols and punishments that fit our real life situations as well as our personalities. He always wanted a detailed account of my daily travels, dealings, feelings, and anything else I needed to talk to him about. He gave me advice and guided me from his heart and his own life experiences.

Oceans Apart

In a short time, he decided to visit me in California during his yearly hiatus in the month of August. This is where I have to tell you a little about my real life situation at that time.

Reality Hell

I had been married for 17 years to a very uptight, mentally abusive, very controlling man. We had 2 children. After I had our second child, he made me quit my job and stay at home to take care of the kids. He had control of every aspect of our lives, from bank accounts and everything financial to grocery shopping and bill paying.

Abusive Relationship: Mental and Emotional Abuse.

Anytime I asked about anything financial, I would get yelled at and mentally and verbally abused. In late 2007, I decided I had enough and started to look for a job that would allow me to leave him with my children. I couldn't get a job because nobody was hiring. That year was the start of a huge decline in California due to the bursting of the housing financial bubble. So, I was stuck. My mental and physical health began declining because the situation was so bad. I tried to hide everything from my kids by pretending to be happy. I got so good at hiding myself that my friends and family never knew the true extent of my situation until after I moved to Italy.

External Joyful Mask

For 4 years, I hid. I felt like I was living in a movie because the reality was too bad to deal with. My real life husband lived his life and I lived mine. I found mental escape in books and by participating in online BDSM groups. I became a mentor and adviser to many newbies because of my previous experiences and training. Of course, I still did all of the mom things in real life, but towards the end, that too started suffering.

Wearing a Mask to Hide my Emotions

Now, picking up where I left off. I had been in a serious, online relationship with Padrone for about 4 months when I started finding out about my husband's criminal activities. He had been taking money from people for construction jobs and not completing them. He had also been taking large amounts of money from investors to build houses in other states but they never got built. When I confronted him about it, he became enraged and half destroyed the home office.

Construction Investment Scam

I told Padrone about it and he gave me advice on how to handle it. He was the only person in the world that knew the entire situation and the only one that helped me keep my sanity in check. He was the only one that knew the REAL me. I had nobody else that I could trust. My patience with everything was very short and even my relationship with my kids started suffering. 

The Real Me
quote "
(for "The Real Me" listen from 2:10)
 quote "
I felt like I was drowning....

I was drowning

There is much more to come of our story and I will post the second part soon. Make sure you stay connected to see the next part! 



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