I’m sitting here trying to think about how to word what’s on my mind. Sometimes it’s harder to write down what you’re thinking versus just outright saying it. Hopefully it won’t be a rambling mess.
I haven’t written many blog posts this year related to the BDSM Lifestyle because I’ve been so concentrated on other outside things. I decided in January to try to get my out of control health problems in hand, by making a radical diet change as well as adding daily exercise to my life. In the beginning, it took every part of my mind, body, and soul to stay with the new course I set for myself. I was very lucky that Padrone was very supportive of my decisions, even though he didn’t join me at that time.
As the weeks went on, I was losing weight but also feeling much stronger, more energetic, and overall better. At the beginning of March, Padrone was rushed to the Emergency Room with multiple health issues. He ended up staying there for 8 days and was off work for another 2 weeks for recovery. He was forced to stop smoking cold turkey after 45 or more years of constantly lighting up. He had to start adding in exercise as well as change his own diet. Luckily for me, I had been doing this already for several weeks prior, so I was able to help him in making the right food choices and encouraging him to exercise.
Now, here we are 2 months later and both of us have been focused on improving our health and getting stronger. We are in a very unique but also extremely supportive situation, since we both had to change our lifestyle to being more active and choosing better food. We are able to sympathize with the other when one of us is craving something we can’t have now.
This leads me to our BDSM dynamic. I’ve received many messages over the years asking for advice because it seems like their dynamic fizzled out or went quasi-vanilla. What people don’t understand is that just like a normal vanilla relationship, BDSM relationships evolve and change along the way also, because people are always changing.
In our case, while we’ve always maintained our dynamic to a certain degree, in the past year, it had not been as intense as it had been in years past. Outside influences, such as work, mental and physical health, and basic everyday obligations, contributed to that. We actually didn’t even really notice the changes, because we were both not feeling as well as we should have been because of health issues.
Now that we’ve both lost weight, changed our eating habits, and become more active, I’ve noticed a change back to a more intense M/s dynamic, similar to what it was in the beginning of our relationship. Obviously, after 7 years together, we know almost everything about the other one. I don’t think either of us has anything new left to discover. So, even though the shiny new feeling has worn to a comfortable place now, that intense attraction to the other, mentally/physically/emotionally, has never gone away.
As we age, our bodies and minds prioritize things differently. We crave touch still, but it doesn’t consume our every waking thought like it may have 20 years ago. We focus more on the mental and emotional well being as well as the health of our partner. With time, we have been blessed with the fact that we’ve grown even closer together instead of more apart, like you see happen with many couples these days.
Now you see why I haven’t written a BDSM related blog post in a while. We’ve just had our concentration turned inwards towards improving ourselves. Now, that we are both on the right track, I am hoping to be more active in the online communities as well as blogging more.
So, if there are any topics that you can’t find in my blog history and want me to write about, please send me your suggestions!
I haven’t written many blog posts this year related to the BDSM Lifestyle because I’ve been so concentrated on other outside things. I decided in January to try to get my out of control health problems in hand, by making a radical diet change as well as adding daily exercise to my life. In the beginning, it took every part of my mind, body, and soul to stay with the new course I set for myself. I was very lucky that Padrone was very supportive of my decisions, even though he didn’t join me at that time.
As the weeks went on, I was losing weight but also feeling much stronger, more energetic, and overall better. At the beginning of March, Padrone was rushed to the Emergency Room with multiple health issues. He ended up staying there for 8 days and was off work for another 2 weeks for recovery. He was forced to stop smoking cold turkey after 45 or more years of constantly lighting up. He had to start adding in exercise as well as change his own diet. Luckily for me, I had been doing this already for several weeks prior, so I was able to help him in making the right food choices and encouraging him to exercise.
Now, here we are 2 months later and both of us have been focused on improving our health and getting stronger. We are in a very unique but also extremely supportive situation, since we both had to change our lifestyle to being more active and choosing better food. We are able to sympathize with the other when one of us is craving something we can’t have now.
This leads me to our BDSM dynamic. I’ve received many messages over the years asking for advice because it seems like their dynamic fizzled out or went quasi-vanilla. What people don’t understand is that just like a normal vanilla relationship, BDSM relationships evolve and change along the way also, because people are always changing.
In our case, while we’ve always maintained our dynamic to a certain degree, in the past year, it had not been as intense as it had been in years past. Outside influences, such as work, mental and physical health, and basic everyday obligations, contributed to that. We actually didn’t even really notice the changes, because we were both not feeling as well as we should have been because of health issues.
Now that we’ve both lost weight, changed our eating habits, and become more active, I’ve noticed a change back to a more intense M/s dynamic, similar to what it was in the beginning of our relationship. Obviously, after 7 years together, we know almost everything about the other one. I don’t think either of us has anything new left to discover. So, even though the shiny new feeling has worn to a comfortable place now, that intense attraction to the other, mentally/physically/emotionally, has never gone away.
As we age, our bodies and minds prioritize things differently. We crave touch still, but it doesn’t consume our every waking thought like it may have 20 years ago. We focus more on the mental and emotional well being as well as the health of our partner. With time, we have been blessed with the fact that we’ve grown even closer together instead of more apart, like you see happen with many couples these days.
Now you see why I haven’t written a BDSM related blog post in a while. We’ve just had our concentration turned inwards towards improving ourselves. Now, that we are both on the right track, I am hoping to be more active in the online communities as well as blogging more.
So, if there are any topics that you can’t find in my blog history and want me to write about, please send me your suggestions!
Share this post - support us:
There has been a rash of BDSM Lifestyle groups, pages and accounts closings over the past few months and apparently it hasn't stopped. The following poem is to all those haters that keep trying to come after us for no reason. We will always be back!
STILL STANDING!
BDSM is Sensual, Kinky, and Deep.
It’s with you when you are awake or asleep.
Pictures, stories, and pages on the web abound,
So many trolls always trying to take us down!
Back up and running, with nary a scratch,
Stronger than ever, especially after a rough patch.
Haters too scared to confront us face to face,
Going behind our backs to make their case.
Why not try to become an adult troll
Crawl on out of your little dark hole.
Any time, Any place, Any where you want meet,
I am more than ready for a verbal greet.
When you are no longer scared of the world at large,
and want to come out of hiding to take charge.
We are here, we are waiting, just wanting to see
Who the coward behind the internet mask might be.
You know me, my friends, and followers as well,
And the one message from all of us is GO TO HELL!
Share this post - support us:
Envy is defined as a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or life. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone). Let's face it, most of us get envious when we see how other people portray their lives online. They talk about how perfect their relationships are, how much money their partner spends on them and generally how the grass is always greener on their side of life. Many people do this to gain attention while others try to make up a fantasy world that is not a real representation of their actual daily lives.
This is no different when it comes to the world of BDSM. You can go into pretty much any Lifestyle related group and find any number of posts bragging about how 'submissive A' has the best Dominant because of blank blank reason. In my experience, I have realized that it is mainly submissive females that are always trying to 'Out Submissive' all the other subs in their environment.
There are Dominants out there that do brag about things, but if you really pay attention, it is normally subs that are the ones who try to make others jealous and envious of their relationships. Don't be like them and don't fall into that trap!
What is a 'look at me' type of relationship? I define it as those relationships or online dynamics where one or both partners are constantly talking about how much they love the other one; how they can't live without each other; and how neither of them ever have any problems with the other. These are couples that have the continuous need to express really private feelings and information online for the entire world to see. They are usually overly zealous in telling each other how wonderful they are together and how there is no one else that could ever take their place. These are also the same couples that usually end up trading in their partner for another one and start showing the world those exact same tendencies with the new person.
Right now, you may not be in the type of relationship you want or living the life you dreamed of having. You may covet the dynamic or life you see others depict online, but you have to be thankful first for your life, including everything and everyone in it.
This is no different when it comes to the world of BDSM. You can go into pretty much any Lifestyle related group and find any number of posts bragging about how 'submissive A' has the best Dominant because of blank blank reason. In my experience, I have realized that it is mainly submissive females that are always trying to 'Out Submissive' all the other subs in their environment.
There are Dominants out there that do brag about things, but if you really pay attention, it is normally subs that are the ones who try to make others jealous and envious of their relationships. Don't be like them and don't fall into that trap!
I know, as a dedicated submissive, most of you are very happy and proud of your BDSM dynamic and want to share it with the world. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. It's not. However, there is a huge difference in bragging and trying to show off to your friends online versus simply stating how much you love and are devoted to your dominant partner.
I admit I have had envious thoughts throughout my life and a longing for the dynamic that I have now. Before meeting Padrone, I had been in different D/s dynamics, but never any deeply serious ones as compared to the one I am in now. I always wanted a Dominant that would take care of me, guide me, love me, and allow me to be myself in all ways. I read about so many relationships that were like that and I wondered why I couldn't find it. Why could I not have that?
Well, after I started paying more attention to these 'perfect' online relationships, I realized that they never seemed to last over a few months. If they were so perfect, why were they not in it for the long haul? The answer is simple. They weren't perfect. They were far from it. The people involved mainly had what I call a 'look at me' type of relationship.
What is a 'look at me' type of relationship? I define it as those relationships or online dynamics where one or both partners are constantly talking about how much they love the other one; how they can't live without each other; and how neither of them ever have any problems with the other. These are couples that have the continuous need to express really private feelings and information online for the entire world to see. They are usually overly zealous in telling each other how wonderful they are together and how there is no one else that could ever take their place. These are also the same couples that usually end up trading in their partner for another one and start showing the world those exact same tendencies with the new person.
Feeling envy is a natural human emotion. If left unchecked though, it can get out of hand and have a negative impact on your life and your emotions. If you feel envious of other people's lives, sit back and look at your own life.
Envious thoughts in a submissive only lead to bad things. The submissive journey should be one filled with as much happiness as possible. Being envious can and will affect your daily life, your ability to submit fully to your Dominant partner, as well as have a huge negative impact on your emotions and thoughts.
How can you overcome the negativity of envious thoughts?
- Shift your focus to the goodness in your life.
- Remind yourself that nobody has it all.
- Avoid people who habitually value the wrong things. (Especially monetary and materialistic things)
- Spend time with grateful people.
- Understand that marketers routinely fan the flame.
- Celebrate the success of others.
Right now, you may not be in the type of relationship you want or living the life you dreamed of having. You may covet the dynamic or life you see others depict online, but you have to be thankful first for your life, including everything and everyone in it.
Start to turn your own life around and the happiness you want will follow.
Share this post - support us:
During the year, we all see, hear, and read many articles from various sources telling us that the more weight we lose, the better we will feel. Millions of people get told by their doctors they need to be a certain weight based on statistics that many of us will never fit or reach for various reasons.
Articles in magazines tout how better we will look and feel if we just exercise more, eat less, and try to conform more to the beauty standards set by the glossy magazines. Now, some things are true. If we eat healthier, using less grease and sugars, we do tend to feel better. But losing weight is not always a good thing, even if you are a BBW. Let me tell you why.
I have been a large woman, around a US 18/20, pretty much my entire adult life. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in my early 20s. Hypoglycemia is a condition in which a person suffers from low blood sugar and needs to intake more carbohydrates than normal. A person that suffers from diabetes is just the opposite. They have to watch their sugar intake.
I lived in the USA until I was 38. During that time, I ate out at various fast food places a lot, ate candy, drank sodas, and basically lived in junk food. My hypoglycemia was never a problem because of all of the sugars and extra fat I had on my body. I literally forgot I had it until after I had my first child. During pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight and was down around a size 14 after delivery. I noticed that I was getting dizzy spells, not feeling hungry, and craving really starchy foods like potatoes, rice and bread. When the symptoms didn't subside, I went to my doctor and they ran tests thinking I had developed diabetes. The positive test results came back once again for hypoglycemia. I went back to my old eating habits, gained all my weight back, and the symptoms disappeared.
Now, many years later, I move to Italy at the age of 38 to become a fulltime 24/7 submissive slave to my Padrone Marco. Naturally, since I'm in a new country, completely different food, eating habits, stores, ways that the packaged food in the grocery stores are processes, and many other factors, I start losing weight. Now, I didn't do it on purpose and I still ate whatever I wanted to. But because of the above factors, the transformation happened naturally. Fast forward 2 years and 5 months later, I am now in a size 12/14.
Now you are wondering why I am telling you this by now, aren't you? The reason is this. My hypoglycemia is back. The symptoms mirror that of my epilepsy in many ways, but differ also. I found that my dizzy spells got worse. My moods were grumpier. I never had an appetite for anything and I started eating more bread related food. At first, I thought it was my epilepsy acting up mire but it didn't fit the normal patterns or symptoms. Then I thought about what I was eating. I first thought it was from eating kits of things with sugar and drinking too much coffee with sugar in it. So, we switched to sweeteners and ate much less sweets. My symptoms got worse and my cravings for carbohydrates increased.
I then once again remembered the hypoglycemia that had given me so much trouble when I had lost weight after my pregnancies. I did the research and bingo! Reading the symptoms online was just like they had written my own story. Padrone did reading as well and now makes sure I eat something starchy every 3-4 hours. Slowly, we are learning how to keep it mostly in check with different types of food and frequency of eating times.
The reason I am sharing this with you is to prove to you that loosing weight is not always better for your health. When I was larger, I didn't have any problems with my heart or blood pressure and my cholesterol was only slightly elevated. I lost weight naturally and it made my health problems worse with the reemergence of the hypoglycemia. Pay attention to doctors, but mostly, pay attention to the signs your body is giving you.
Of course eating a healthier diet is smarter. It will be better for your body as well. But if you feel good and your weight isn't causing you health problems, then keep on eating and doing what you are doing. The most important thing is that you are happy. The happier you are, the better your life will be.
Don't let the pics that are plastered in magazines be your idea of beauty. Let the person you see in the mirror be the judge. Show the world a confident, happy, BBW and they will look on in wonder and think how beautiful you are.
If you are into the BDSM lifestyle, the same holds true. You have to be comfortable with your body because you don't want to disappoint your Dominant by being depressed and insecure about your weight or shape. You have to remember that if your Dominant didn't find you attractive and sexy, he never would have picked you to submit to him.
So, don't make a resolution to lose weight, make one that says you will learn to love your body and yourself as you are. Make a resolution to be happy. Make a resolution to be you and not something you see on TV or in magazines. Because you have to remember that you are beautiful in your own skin.
Articles in magazines tout how better we will look and feel if we just exercise more, eat less, and try to conform more to the beauty standards set by the glossy magazines. Now, some things are true. If we eat healthier, using less grease and sugars, we do tend to feel better. But losing weight is not always a good thing, even if you are a BBW. Let me tell you why.
I have been a large woman, around a US 18/20, pretty much my entire adult life. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in my early 20s. Hypoglycemia is a condition in which a person suffers from low blood sugar and needs to intake more carbohydrates than normal. A person that suffers from diabetes is just the opposite. They have to watch their sugar intake.
I lived in the USA until I was 38. During that time, I ate out at various fast food places a lot, ate candy, drank sodas, and basically lived in junk food. My hypoglycemia was never a problem because of all of the sugars and extra fat I had on my body. I literally forgot I had it until after I had my first child. During pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight and was down around a size 14 after delivery. I noticed that I was getting dizzy spells, not feeling hungry, and craving really starchy foods like potatoes, rice and bread. When the symptoms didn't subside, I went to my doctor and they ran tests thinking I had developed diabetes. The positive test results came back once again for hypoglycemia. I went back to my old eating habits, gained all my weight back, and the symptoms disappeared.
Now, many years later, I move to Italy at the age of 38 to become a fulltime 24/7 submissive slave to my Padrone Marco. Naturally, since I'm in a new country, completely different food, eating habits, stores, ways that the packaged food in the grocery stores are processes, and many other factors, I start losing weight. Now, I didn't do it on purpose and I still ate whatever I wanted to. But because of the above factors, the transformation happened naturally. Fast forward 2 years and 5 months later, I am now in a size 12/14.
Now you are wondering why I am telling you this by now, aren't you? The reason is this. My hypoglycemia is back. The symptoms mirror that of my epilepsy in many ways, but differ also. I found that my dizzy spells got worse. My moods were grumpier. I never had an appetite for anything and I started eating more bread related food. At first, I thought it was my epilepsy acting up mire but it didn't fit the normal patterns or symptoms. Then I thought about what I was eating. I first thought it was from eating kits of things with sugar and drinking too much coffee with sugar in it. So, we switched to sweeteners and ate much less sweets. My symptoms got worse and my cravings for carbohydrates increased.
I then once again remembered the hypoglycemia that had given me so much trouble when I had lost weight after my pregnancies. I did the research and bingo! Reading the symptoms online was just like they had written my own story. Padrone did reading as well and now makes sure I eat something starchy every 3-4 hours. Slowly, we are learning how to keep it mostly in check with different types of food and frequency of eating times.
The reason I am sharing this with you is to prove to you that loosing weight is not always better for your health. When I was larger, I didn't have any problems with my heart or blood pressure and my cholesterol was only slightly elevated. I lost weight naturally and it made my health problems worse with the reemergence of the hypoglycemia. Pay attention to doctors, but mostly, pay attention to the signs your body is giving you.
Of course eating a healthier diet is smarter. It will be better for your body as well. But if you feel good and your weight isn't causing you health problems, then keep on eating and doing what you are doing. The most important thing is that you are happy. The happier you are, the better your life will be.
Don't let the pics that are plastered in magazines be your idea of beauty. Let the person you see in the mirror be the judge. Show the world a confident, happy, BBW and they will look on in wonder and think how beautiful you are.
If you are into the BDSM lifestyle, the same holds true. You have to be comfortable with your body because you don't want to disappoint your Dominant by being depressed and insecure about your weight or shape. You have to remember that if your Dominant didn't find you attractive and sexy, he never would have picked you to submit to him.
So, don't make a resolution to lose weight, make one that says you will learn to love your body and yourself as you are. Make a resolution to be happy. Make a resolution to be you and not something you see on TV or in magazines. Because you have to remember that you are beautiful in your own skin.
Share this post - support us:
Hello kinksters! It's been brought to my attention that there are certain people that have bigger BDSM pages on FB trying to spread rumors, saying untrue things about many page owners and basically declaring that many pages are fakes.
Our thoughts on this are that there will always be people who love starting drama and strife while claiming to be an innocent victim.
We don't need, want, nor participate in this type of activity because it's childish. We need to stick together as a community as there are already many forces at corporate levels trying to sensor us in many places around the internet.
Yes, there are people that I don't like but I choose to ignore they even exist in the world as it makes it a better place in my opinion.
So, if you hear things about me and you want the truth, simply ask. I'm here to educate and help guide people into the lifestyle. That's been my goal and mission since day one.
I hope you stay and continue to grow with us here but if you feel the need to leave, we will understand.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for listening.
Michelle Fegatofi
Share this post - support us:
In your exploration to further your knowledge of BDSM or D/s, you may have come across the terms submissive mind or mindset.
There are many varying definitions for this. Some believe that their minds are always in a submissive place. Others believe that rituals are what transition them into becoming submissive in their thoughts.
To me, a "submissive mind or mindset" is that place inside a person in which they always submit to another, maybe only one special person, but are always submissive to him/her. No matter what I am doing, when blogging, working on a new book, answering or interacting with my readers, or just normal housework, I am always submissive to my Dominant, Padrone Marco. His values, thoughts, guidance, and needs are always incorporated to everything I do.
It is not something that I force or have to set my mind to. It just comes from within. It is a natural thing for me to want to make Padrone happy and proud. It makes me happy to serve him, follow his guidance, ask for direction when I am unsure of how to proceed in something, and just to submit to his will in whatever I am doing.
There is a common thought among those that do not truly understand the dynamics of true submission. Outsiders think submissives are doormats. Now, do not take my submission to Padrone as making me weak. Being submissive does not mean a person is weak. It means I chose to submit to him because of the bond, love and trust we share.
Here is the biggest factor in the mindset of a submissive. It is my experience that a true sub/slave has a natural focus that is centered on others. This is something that comes natural to him or her. Compare this with the common self-centered focus. One who attempts to serve while being self focused is going to have issues.
True submissives thrive on intense, intimate, emotionally-open relationships. When serving, submitting, or performing tasks, they are most at ease and happiest. A submissive in this mindset is usually playful, confident, willing and wanting to help others achieve that same state, and always naturally working towards making her Dominant happy.
A submissive knows herself; every strength, every fault and failing. She is her own worst critic. And yet, this self-knowledge makes her strong. She is able to give more than most women. She is open and vulnerable in a way that most can never comprehend. But this is her freedom.
There are many varying definitions for this. Some believe that their minds are always in a submissive place. Others believe that rituals are what transition them into becoming submissive in their thoughts.
To me, a "submissive mind or mindset" is that place inside a person in which they always submit to another, maybe only one special person, but are always submissive to him/her. No matter what I am doing, when blogging, working on a new book, answering or interacting with my readers, or just normal housework, I am always submissive to my Dominant, Padrone Marco. His values, thoughts, guidance, and needs are always incorporated to everything I do.
It is not something that I force or have to set my mind to. It just comes from within. It is a natural thing for me to want to make Padrone happy and proud. It makes me happy to serve him, follow his guidance, ask for direction when I am unsure of how to proceed in something, and just to submit to his will in whatever I am doing.
There is a common thought among those that do not truly understand the dynamics of true submission. Outsiders think submissives are doormats. Now, do not take my submission to Padrone as making me weak. Being submissive does not mean a person is weak. It means I chose to submit to him because of the bond, love and trust we share.
Here is the biggest factor in the mindset of a submissive. It is my experience that a true sub/slave has a natural focus that is centered on others. This is something that comes natural to him or her. Compare this with the common self-centered focus. One who attempts to serve while being self focused is going to have issues.
True submissives thrive on intense, intimate, emotionally-open relationships. When serving, submitting, or performing tasks, they are most at ease and happiest. A submissive in this mindset is usually playful, confident, willing and wanting to help others achieve that same state, and always naturally working towards making her Dominant happy.
A submissive knows herself; every strength, every fault and failing. She is her own worst critic. And yet, this self-knowledge makes her strong. She is able to give more than most women. She is open and vulnerable in a way that most can never comprehend. But this is her freedom.
So, whether you have to switch from vanilla independent to being in a submissive mindset using a ritual, it comes naturally to you, or you have a combination of the two, remember one thing: As long as you are happy, and you are doing what makes you proud, having a submissive mind will lead you to that freedom only true submissives feel.
Share this post - support us:
Over the years, I have been asked many questions about the BDSM lifestyle.
The questions ranged from D/s, S&M, to is BDSM normal. Recently, many have asked why people practice and get into BDSM. I have been asked advice by readers on how to explain why they chose to lead a BDSM lifestyle to their vanilla family and friends. Hopefully, my own explanation will help guide you in one of your own.
The questions ranged from D/s, S&M, to is BDSM normal. Recently, many have asked why people practice and get into BDSM. I have been asked advice by readers on how to explain why they chose to lead a BDSM lifestyle to their vanilla family and friends. Hopefully, my own explanation will help guide you in one of your own.
As we all know, every person is different. People's likes, wants, needs, and desires vary tremendously. As a consensual BDSM slave, I can only speak from my own experience. I have always had a need to please. Even though I was raised by a very independent mother and neutral father, I have always believed that man is the Dominant one and head of the household. Men may consult their woman on important matters, but, in the end, they make the final decision. Why did I believe this when I was not raised in this fashion?
I can't explain other than to say it's in my nature, the very fiber of what makes me who I am. When I found BDSM, a whole lot of things made sense. During my younger years, I shied away from dating for the most part because I knew what I felt wasn't "normal". After I became an adult and found the Lifestyle, I finally had a name to all the feelings I had felt most of my life. It was called submission.
Submission, or being submissive, in a BDSM or D/s relationship is more about fulfilling a need, not just a desire. For me, I get immense satisfaction from serving my Padrone Marco. The actual action of performing whatever duties He has given to me gratify my need to serve, but also satisfies an emotional part of me. It makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Seeing the joy and pride on Padrone's face when He eats something I've cooked, read something I've written, or is made happy by any of the other things I've done, fills me with an exaltation that is only achieved from my complete submission to Him.
Submission is just one piece of a very complex puzzle that can make up a BDSM relationship. You have to remember that I have an emotional, physical, mental and some would say almost spiritual, connection with Padrone. Not every couple/group practicing a BDSM lifestyle has, nor do they want, the same type of connections that I have with my Padrone. There are some people that gravitate towards S&M simply because they need or crave kinky sex. Others use flogging and bondage as an emotional release and a reason to scream or cry, because they can't, or won't, allow themselves that much-needed release otherwise.
You also have the other side of the coin in BDSM, Domination. The need to dominate is also a natural need in some men and women. Not all women are submissives and likewise with men. Not all men are dominant. People, in the Lifestyle referred to as a "natural" dominant, are not bullies. They also do not shout out that they are dominants to everyone. They simply have a natural inclination to be dominant in every aspect of their lives. Like submission is in my nature, domination is in Padrone's. It's as natural as breathing to Him.
So, why do people practice BDSM? Because it's a personal choice that satisfies some inner part of them they can't get anywhere else. It gratifies their natural tendency towards domination, submission, or sadomasochism. Because it makes them happy and it is a consensual, knowledgeable choice. That's why.
I have lived vanilla and BDSM lifestyles and can say there is no comparison. Being a consensual slave has satiated my need to submit and serve one special Dominant. It has brought me happiness, fulfillment, and an internal satisfaction that is pretty indescribable. For me, I would and will never choose a different way of life.
Feel free to leave your own story, explanation, questions or just a comment! We love hearing from our readers!
Share this post - support us:
This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. - Shakespeare's Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82
This quote from Shakespeare's play meansTo be true to yourself. Live your life for yourself and do not let others try to influence you to do things you don't want to do.
Most of us have two distinctly different sides to our personalities. One side is what we show the world, our outer authentic self. The second is our inner authentic self. The inner self is the one that only those closest to us get to see in depth. Our outer authenticity is how well what we say and do matches what is really going on inside us. Our inner authenticity is how well we actually know ourselves and are aware of our inner states.
No one is fully authentic all of the time in their outer presentation. Sometimes we need to put on an act to get by. Some people spend more time living unauthentically than others. It is unpleasant and can be damaging to you if you are trapped in jobs or relationships where you rarely get the chance to be yourselves. If you are in this type of situation, you need to start thinking of ways to change your life as soon as possible so that you can be free to express yourself authentically.
Surveys show that, on average, people who scored higher on tests for authenticity are more satisfied with life, have higher self-esteem and are generally happier. As Mohandas Gandhi put it so well, ‘happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony’.
Most people living any form of a BDSM lifestyle are usually not out in the open with their lifestyle choice. Many feel they need to hide this part of themselves from their family and friends due to the moralistic views of society. Some of us are fortunate enough to be able to maintain/practice/live, in part or whole, some form of a BDSM relationship out in the open.
In all of my posts, I try to educate and guide my readers in different aspects of BDSM, but do not push them to live or practice it exactly the same way as we do. Below are two lists of what Padrone Marco and I believe in.
Within a BDSM Relationship:
- Respect from both sides of a relationship at all times, during good times and disagreements are a must.
- Educate yourself on as many different parts of the lifestyle as you can, so you can discover which ones you like.
- Dominants should help their submissives to grow intellectually, not just in learning and performing their tasks and rules.
- Always be open and honest and never lie to your partner/s.
- Loyalty is a must for a true and lasting BDSM relationship.
- Understanding and flexibility from both sides are needed.
- There has to always be 2 way communication.
- Submissives will and do have the right to anger, sadness, or jealousy. But, do not act blindly on these and talk out any and all problems with your Dominant.
- Emotional support and growth should be nourished always and deeply from both the Dominant and submissive.
- Having and maintaining patience is a must!
- Talking and discussing problems in a calm manner versus yelling and screaming at each other.
Globally in the BDSM Community:
- Respect and honesty between others in the BDSM Lifestyle as a community.
- Never judge how others decide to live a BDSM lifestyle by your own standards, because there is no wrong way as long as it's consensual. Even if you don't agree or practice it their way.
- Respecting differing opinions and not causing conflict within our own community.
- Helping other people to grow and understand the BDSM Lifestyle from our own experiences and from the way we live it, but leaving the road open so that others can form their own journey.
- Standing up for the BDSM community rights to be seen and heard, while fighting the moralistic movement that would put us back in the closet.
We hope you continue to follow us and the education we hope to spread through our blogs and books by returning and reading us every day. Thank you for your continued support and we hope that our articles and peaks inside our own lives help you broaden your own knowledge of the Lifestyle.
Padrone Marco and Michelle Fegatofi
Share this post - support us:
Below is an excerpt from my new book BDSM Basics for Beginners.
There are many variations of what the initials BDSM stand for, but the most widely used is Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. Frequently, the different areas of BDSM overlap into one another, as a bondage scene might include humiliation, or a D/s relationship might incorporate fetishism, etc. But just as frequently, there are those who only participate in one aspect of the lifestyle. In general, there is no hard and fast rule for what is right and what is wrong..... it depends on the individuals involved. BDSM is fluid and changes as individuals and relationships change. Having said that, there is one creed we all agree on. All play must be: SAFE, SANE & CONSENSUAL. Mutual consent is what distinguishes BDSM from abuse and assault, just as consent distinguishes sex from rape.
In a broad statement, BDSM is an erotic preference and a form of personal relationship that can involve the consensual use of restraints, intense sensory stimulation, and role play. To those that practice it in situations, other than just sexual scenes, it is also extremely mental. A Dominant has to be very careful and know his submissive extremely well in order not to do any lasting mental damage if the sub is deep into submission.
Because of main stream media and books like 50 Shades of Grey, the S&M portions have been highlighted much more than a rounded, more truthful picture of BDSM. The truth is that this alternate form of sexuality/relationship has nothing to do with destructive behavior. A Dominant person simply wants to dominate in sex while the submissive wants to be stripped of any initiative.
Read. Learn. Practice. Play. Have fun. BDSM is about finding the things that feel good and right to yourself and, most importantly, with your partner. Take the time to study up on the subject. But remember, every book is nothing more than a guide. There are no rule books, no predefined "this-is-the-way-it-is" laws. Take what you read and adapt it to suit your own individual flavor of BDSM, within the vast boundaries of Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Because even the meaning of those three words varies from person to person!
BDSM is NOT abuse. An abuser doesn't take the time to learn safe play and an abuser certainly doesn't respect limits. Not taking NO for an answer, not honoring a safe word or taking advantage of the unequal power relationship that exists between a Dom and sub, are forms of abuse. This is where knowledge comes in handy and trust is essential. Never play or submit to anyone that you do not completely trust with that power. Not everything in BDSM is for everybody. Test the waters, experiment, see what you like or don't like and proceed from there.
There are many variations of what the initials BDSM stand for, but the most widely used is Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. Frequently, the different areas of BDSM overlap into one another, as a bondage scene might include humiliation, or a D/s relationship might incorporate fetishism, etc. But just as frequently, there are those who only participate in one aspect of the lifestyle. In general, there is no hard and fast rule for what is right and what is wrong..... it depends on the individuals involved. BDSM is fluid and changes as individuals and relationships change. Having said that, there is one creed we all agree on. All play must be: SAFE, SANE & CONSENSUAL. Mutual consent is what distinguishes BDSM from abuse and assault, just as consent distinguishes sex from rape.
In a broad statement, BDSM is an erotic preference and a form of personal relationship that can involve the consensual use of restraints, intense sensory stimulation, and role play. To those that practice it in situations, other than just sexual scenes, it is also extremely mental. A Dominant has to be very careful and know his submissive extremely well in order not to do any lasting mental damage if the sub is deep into submission.
Because of main stream media and books like 50 Shades of Grey, the S&M portions have been highlighted much more than a rounded, more truthful picture of BDSM. The truth is that this alternate form of sexuality/relationship has nothing to do with destructive behavior. A Dominant person simply wants to dominate in sex while the submissive wants to be stripped of any initiative.
Read. Learn. Practice. Play. Have fun. BDSM is about finding the things that feel good and right to yourself and, most importantly, with your partner. Take the time to study up on the subject. But remember, every book is nothing more than a guide. There are no rule books, no predefined "this-is-the-way-it-is" laws. Take what you read and adapt it to suit your own individual flavor of BDSM, within the vast boundaries of Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Because even the meaning of those three words varies from person to person!
BDSM is NOT abuse. An abuser doesn't take the time to learn safe play and an abuser certainly doesn't respect limits. Not taking NO for an answer, not honoring a safe word or taking advantage of the unequal power relationship that exists between a Dom and sub, are forms of abuse. This is where knowledge comes in handy and trust is essential. Never play or submit to anyone that you do not completely trust with that power. Not everything in BDSM is for everybody. Test the waters, experiment, see what you like or don't like and proceed from there.
Share this post - support us:
