--> When a BDSM Relationship Ends | BDSM Unveiled

The breakup of any relationship is difficult, but when dealing with a D/s or M/s dynamic, it is even harder.

The couple was probably both very emotionally invested in the relationship, on a much deeper level than a vanilla one.

uncollared

When a BDSM Relationship Ends
From a submissive's point of view, breakups can often feel devastating. The submissive will feel alone, isolated, and scared. She will most likely not understand how to proceed on her own because she was so used to following orders and not making huge decisions.

Isolated submissive

How does a submissive recover from something like that? What are the next steps?

First, you have to grieve. 

Grieve.

Allow yourself the time to cry and morn the loss of your relationship. Don't keep the grief bottled up inside without acknowledging the pain, hurt, and disappointment. Accept the relationship is over and don't dwell on the 'what ifs'. Don't repeatedly go over things in your head of what could have been. Don't put yourself down as not having been good enough as a sub. Accept, morn, and get ready to move forward.

Second, take time for yourself.

Take time for yourself.

After the first week or so, you have to move forward with your life. After going through such an experience, you need to take some 'you' time. Take a couple of days or a week to just breath. Get your head together, take walks, focus on other things besides relationships. Try to read or watch things not BDSM related. If you do, it will likely cause a memory or reaction and send you backwards, into the grieving phase again. The idea behind taking this time for yourself is to help you move forward as a stronger person. You may be submissive, but that doesn't make you weak. Surround yourself with only things that make you happy, whether that is eating ice cream, drinking coffee, playing with animals, or sleeping.

Third, get back out there and live!

Munches, Gatherings, Online meetings

This is probably the hardest step. You have grieved and taken some much needed 'you time'. Now it's time to start going out again. Invest the time to make sure you know yourself well, know what you want in a future relationship, and have your limits in place. Go with friends to a club, out to dinner or drinks. Find your local Munch and slowly ease back into the lifestyle. Maybe try some online sites such as Fetlife.com or others. Just get back out there. It's normal to be cautious and smart. Don't jump into a relationship quickly. But, don't allow the hurt and pain from your past relationships to interfere with new possibilities. 

Learn to live again.

Even though a BDSM relationship ending is extremely emotional and painful, it doesn't mean it's the end for you. There can be a happily ever after. You just have to wait and be patient. It will come to you when you least expect it. 
Share your thoughts or tips on getting through a BDSM relationship breakup in the comments below. 

When a BDSM Relationship Ends



Post title: " When a BDSM Relationship Ends "
by: Michelle Fegatofi signature Red line

5 comments :

  1. Same for the dom who loves her even thou she never believed it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is true. I write from a submissive standpoint because that is what I am, but I have spoken with a few Dominants over the years about their side of a breakup.

      Delete
  2. Depending on how dedicated the sub is... i remember... when my owner and i broke up, (after 7 years) it shattered me so much. i had to re learn how live "normal" again... >.<

    If you can manage it, and it's possible to talk with each other about parting ways, do it gradually. It still might mean that initially you have to stop living together to be out of each others "influence" but still keep contact. Make sure each other is okay, and that no self destructive behaviour is becoming present.

    If you had up until now been adults in such a relationship, there is no reason why you cant part like adults, and still make sure the other is ok...

    Even when you love each other, sometimes being together, can be holding both parties back from developing in life. Being able to see when the ties need to be broken by talking openly about it is the best thing you can do for each other. 

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So well said. Dealing with this now. Sometimes you love each other dearly, you just arent compatible (or life-compatible) but if you can preserve the friendship (and reduce the distress) by high-fiving what you DID accomplish and experience together, and face the seperation bravely together, it can become an empowering and soul-building experience for everyone inatead of just a destructive one.

      Delete
  3. Thank you for sharing your perspective. Many people that have not experienced it can't understand until it happens to them. But, hopefully, this will help others recover and move on with their lives.

    ReplyDelete


Website developed and optimized by Marco Belcastro Bara
Powered by Blogger.com

2012- All rights reserved Protected by Copyscape

All articles-posts are Copyrighted BDSM Unveiled. Original BDSM Lifestyle Content - BDSM Relationships and may not be reproduced on other websites without permission

All logos, trademarks and trade names are the property of their respective owners and used here for identification purposes only

Some photos that appear on this site might be copyrighted by their respective owners.

If you own the rights to any of the images and do not wish them to appear here please contact us and the images will be promptly removed. Thanks!