I’m sitting here trying to think about how to word what’s on my mind. Sometimes it’s harder to write down what you’re thinking versus just outright saying it. Hopefully it won’t be a rambling mess.
I haven’t written many blog posts this year related to the BDSM Lifestyle because I’ve been so concentrated on other outside things. I decided in January to try to get my out of control health problems in hand, by making a radical diet change as well as adding daily exercise to my life. In the beginning, it took every part of my mind, body, and soul to stay with the new course I set for myself. I was very lucky that Padrone was very supportive of my decisions, even though he didn’t join me at that time.
As the weeks went on, I was losing weight but also feeling much stronger, more energetic, and overall better. At the beginning of March, Padrone was rushed to the Emergency Room with multiple health issues. He ended up staying there for 8 days and was off work for another 2 weeks for recovery. He was forced to stop smoking cold turkey after 45 or more years of constantly lighting up. He had to start adding in exercise as well as change his own diet. Luckily for me, I had been doing this already for several weeks prior, so I was able to help him in making the right food choices and encouraging him to exercise.
Now, here we are 2 months later and both of us have been focused on improving our health and getting stronger. We are in a very unique but also extremely supportive situation, since we both had to change our lifestyle to being more active and choosing better food. We are able to sympathize with the other when one of us is craving something we can’t have now.
This leads me to our BDSM dynamic. I’ve received many messages over the years asking for advice because it seems like their dynamic fizzled out or went quasi-vanilla. What people don’t understand is that just like a normal vanilla relationship, BDSM relationships evolve and change along the way also, because people are always changing.
In our case, while we’ve always maintained our dynamic to a certain degree, in the past year, it had not been as intense as it had been in years past. Outside influences, such as work, mental and physical health, and basic everyday obligations, contributed to that. We actually didn’t even really notice the changes, because we were both not feeling as well as we should have been because of health issues.
Now that we’ve both lost weight, changed our eating habits, and become more active, I’ve noticed a change back to a more intense M/s dynamic, similar to what it was in the beginning of our relationship. Obviously, after 7 years together, we know almost everything about the other one. I don’t think either of us has anything new left to discover. So, even though the shiny new feeling has worn to a comfortable place now, that intense attraction to the other, mentally/physically/emotionally, has never gone away.
As we age, our bodies and minds prioritize things differently. We crave touch still, but it doesn’t consume our every waking thought like it may have 20 years ago. We focus more on the mental and emotional well being as well as the health of our partner. With time, we have been blessed with the fact that we’ve grown even closer together instead of more apart, like you see happen with many couples these days.
Now you see why I haven’t written a BDSM related blog post in a while. We’ve just had our concentration turned inwards towards improving ourselves. Now, that we are both on the right track, I am hoping to be more active in the online communities as well as blogging more.
So, if there are any topics that you can’t find in my blog history and want me to write about, please send me your suggestions!
I haven’t written many blog posts this year related to the BDSM Lifestyle because I’ve been so concentrated on other outside things. I decided in January to try to get my out of control health problems in hand, by making a radical diet change as well as adding daily exercise to my life. In the beginning, it took every part of my mind, body, and soul to stay with the new course I set for myself. I was very lucky that Padrone was very supportive of my decisions, even though he didn’t join me at that time.
As the weeks went on, I was losing weight but also feeling much stronger, more energetic, and overall better. At the beginning of March, Padrone was rushed to the Emergency Room with multiple health issues. He ended up staying there for 8 days and was off work for another 2 weeks for recovery. He was forced to stop smoking cold turkey after 45 or more years of constantly lighting up. He had to start adding in exercise as well as change his own diet. Luckily for me, I had been doing this already for several weeks prior, so I was able to help him in making the right food choices and encouraging him to exercise.
Now, here we are 2 months later and both of us have been focused on improving our health and getting stronger. We are in a very unique but also extremely supportive situation, since we both had to change our lifestyle to being more active and choosing better food. We are able to sympathize with the other when one of us is craving something we can’t have now.
This leads me to our BDSM dynamic. I’ve received many messages over the years asking for advice because it seems like their dynamic fizzled out or went quasi-vanilla. What people don’t understand is that just like a normal vanilla relationship, BDSM relationships evolve and change along the way also, because people are always changing.
In our case, while we’ve always maintained our dynamic to a certain degree, in the past year, it had not been as intense as it had been in years past. Outside influences, such as work, mental and physical health, and basic everyday obligations, contributed to that. We actually didn’t even really notice the changes, because we were both not feeling as well as we should have been because of health issues.
Now that we’ve both lost weight, changed our eating habits, and become more active, I’ve noticed a change back to a more intense M/s dynamic, similar to what it was in the beginning of our relationship. Obviously, after 7 years together, we know almost everything about the other one. I don’t think either of us has anything new left to discover. So, even though the shiny new feeling has worn to a comfortable place now, that intense attraction to the other, mentally/physically/emotionally, has never gone away.
As we age, our bodies and minds prioritize things differently. We crave touch still, but it doesn’t consume our every waking thought like it may have 20 years ago. We focus more on the mental and emotional well being as well as the health of our partner. With time, we have been blessed with the fact that we’ve grown even closer together instead of more apart, like you see happen with many couples these days.
Now you see why I haven’t written a BDSM related blog post in a while. We’ve just had our concentration turned inwards towards improving ourselves. Now, that we are both on the right track, I am hoping to be more active in the online communities as well as blogging more.
So, if there are any topics that you can’t find in my blog history and want me to write about, please send me your suggestions!
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Two and a half years ago, Padrone and I got home from work around 6:30 in the morning as usual. We changed clothes, ate, and were relaxing in bed watching TV by 7:15 am. Around 8 am, Padrone said he had a headache. About 10 minutes later, he started complaining of chest pains, leg pains, and being extremely hot. His heart started beating faster also. I told him to call the ambulance.
Now, I'm an American that doesn't speak Italian very well. I didn't know the emergency numbers nor do we have any close friends that we could call for help.
Luckily, Padrone was calm and lucid enough to call for the ambulance and to tell me to go wait for them outside and bring them up. They arrived with lights flashing and sirens blaring. I have to tell you that I was scared and didn't understand anything they were saying. I had to make myself stay calm and wait for Padrone's instructions. He informed me that his blood pressure was very high and they had to take him to the hospital. He told the EMT's that I didn't speak Italian and asked for them to allow me to ride in the ambulance with him because he knew I had to be with him.
When we arrived they showed me to a waiting room and said "Stay" and left. I was waiting there for about 45 minutes when a nurse came and led me back to where they had Padrone hooked up to all these machines. Normally they didn't allow any family in the Emergency rooms with the patients but made an exception for me since Padrone told them about my epilepsy and how stress will trigger a bad seizure. He hoped by seeing him that it would keep me calm enough that I wouldn't seize. It worked. I didn't seize. I got to see him and see the meds they were giving him were making him better. At that time, we didn't know exactly what the problem was or if there were other underlying problems that made his blood pressure sky rocket since he never had a history of health problems.
Even though he was sick, he was thinking of me and wanted to protect me from being too stressed about the situation. He asked me to call his employer and let them know what was going on and then told me to stay as calm as I could because everything was going to be fine.
Padrone ended up staying in the hospital for 3 days and 2 nights, of which I stayed with him the entire time. When we came home, I was still ok. I had not seized and had done everything asked of me. About 24 hours later, I had a massive seizure. Padrone and I both had been expecting it. It was just a matter of time of when it would hit, after dealing with so many days of a high stress situation.
Life got back to normal and two and a half years passed with no more health scares from Padrone. Then one morning, for no apparent reason about a month ago, Padrone had another high blood pressure attack. He called the ambulance and I started preparing things to go to the hospital just in case. I let the EMTs in and lead them to the apartment. I stayed calm the entire time and did as instructed. Luckily, Padrone's blood pressure wasn't so high that he needed to be hospitalized again. They gave him a shot and his pressure returned to a normal range within five minutes.
I dealt with the situation in a very calm manner and honestly wasn't expecting to have a seizure. I didn't feel one on the horizon. Padrone knew it was coming though. About 24 hours later, after I was confident that he was ok, it struck. Luckily it was only a medium seizure and not a very bad one.
Now things are back to normal and life is moving forward. I learned a few lessons from the two incidents.
Life got back to normal and two and a half years passed with no more health scares from Padrone. Then one morning, for no apparent reason about a month ago, Padrone had another high blood pressure attack. He called the ambulance and I started preparing things to go to the hospital just in case. I let the EMTs in and lead them to the apartment. I stayed calm the entire time and did as instructed. Luckily, Padrone's blood pressure wasn't so high that he needed to be hospitalized again. They gave him a shot and his pressure returned to a normal range within five minutes.
I dealt with the situation in a very calm manner and honestly wasn't expecting to have a seizure. I didn't feel one on the horizon. Padrone knew it was coming though. About 24 hours later, after I was confident that he was ok, it struck. Luckily it was only a medium seizure and not a very bad one.
Now things are back to normal and life is moving forward. I learned a few lessons from the two incidents.
- Remain calm. If you get hysterical or stressed out, you won't be able to function or help your Dominant in their time of need.
- Have a plan in place! Make sure you have numbers either written down or in your phone of contacts you need to notify of the situation. (Friends, Relatives, Employer)
- Don't allow your nervousness to be picked up by your dominant. They need to remain calm and to be assured that you are ok. They know you are worried but they need to know you can take care of yourself during this medical crisis.
- Allow yourself some breathing room when the main crisis is over. You need to come down from the adrenaline, excitement, and worry that has driven you for however long. You have to force it out.
- Don't dwell on the 'what ifs'. You cannot allow yourself to play that game. If you do, you will just make your own stress levels worse and possibly make yourself sick.
- If you live in a foreign country not of your birth, make sure you know the numbers to call in case of emergency!
There are so many different levels of submission and every sub has his or her own strength of character. We always rely so much on our dominants to help us daily deal with life, support us, give us strength and guidance. Most of us lean very heavily on them. It's sometimes hard going from them being the core of our strength to us having to become strong for them. But, when you love someone, when you want to take care of them and stand by them no matter the circumstances, you do whatever it takes.
I hope you never experience a medical emergency involving your Dominant, but if you do, have a plan in place to make sure you can deal with it without having to think to much.
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This week's Talk Tuesday topics cover "Dealing with Emotions as a Domme", "Dominant changes back to Vanilla", and "Dealing with Health Issues". I hope you find the questions interesting and informative.
Question #1) "How do I take the emotion out. The first time when he cried I shed a few tears. I didn't let him know. I've not been at the level of dominance before. But I am loving it."
Since I am a submissive slave, I asked a very good friend of mine who is an experienced Domme to answer. Lady Hecate from www.thelairofladyhecate.com. 'Who says you need to take the emotion out? One of our greatest set backs is our minds telling us the way things ought to be. I call nonsense on that. You are clearly a wonderful Domme as you are. If you are unaffected by the emotion of the situation, it would take away from the experience both for you and your submissive. Allow yourself to be caught up in the moment and swept away. You do not need to be a robot to be an effective Domme. In fact, it makes you a better one. Finally, I suggest that you show him next time this happens. It will only strengthen your connection.'
Question #2) "What is the best way to handle your Master changing back to vanilla out of the blue and refusing to help you deal with the sudden change?"
Since I don't have any background or context for this question, I am going to be making a couple of assumptions. Did you notice any gradual changes in behavior such as lessening in tasks, loosening of rules or not following up with corrections/punishments if needed? I would ask him what is wrong. If he refuses to answer, you need to decide if you want to stay with him if you want to have a BDSM relationship and he only wants vanilla. If you love him more than you need to have a D/s relationship, you have to find a compromise to be happy. I recommend evaluating your own feelings and priorities as well as your life situation and then decide how to proceed from there. In the meantime, connect with groups and friends for support to vent your frustrations. Lean on them and ask for advice on specific situations if you need.
Question #3) "I am also interested in more information and resources for submissives who have disabilities. Now that I am dealing with this sciatica will I be accepted by a Dom. Is there a place for me in the lifestyle?"
There are many different types of relationships in the BDSM community that involve people with different disabilities and health problems. While it does affect the way that couple practices BDSM, it does not exclude anyone from the Lifestyle. I have and deal with Epilepsy on a very regular basis. With it comes certain conditions that can hit me at irregular intervals. My Padrone (Master) has learned to deal with these situations and we have tailored our M/s relationship around my epilepsy. The main recommendation I would give is to be very upfront and open with any potential partners about all medical conditions that can or will affect certain aspects of a BDSM relationship. Also remember that not all BDSM relationships include S&M. If there are physical conditions that prevent S&M play, then find a partner that is willing to practice a more mental or softer kind of BDSM.
Below is a Google search containing many good links to different blogs talking about BDSM and disabilities. I hope you find some of them useful.
google.it/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=bdsm%20and%20disabilities
If any of you have any additional comments or websites that would add to the above conversations, please leave a comment below!
If you have questions that you like help with on any aspect of the BDSM Lifestyle, please send them to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com.
Question #1) "How do I take the emotion out. The first time when he cried I shed a few tears. I didn't let him know. I've not been at the level of dominance before. But I am loving it."
Since I am a submissive slave, I asked a very good friend of mine who is an experienced Domme to answer. Lady Hecate from www.thelairofladyhecate.com. 'Who says you need to take the emotion out? One of our greatest set backs is our minds telling us the way things ought to be. I call nonsense on that. You are clearly a wonderful Domme as you are. If you are unaffected by the emotion of the situation, it would take away from the experience both for you and your submissive. Allow yourself to be caught up in the moment and swept away. You do not need to be a robot to be an effective Domme. In fact, it makes you a better one. Finally, I suggest that you show him next time this happens. It will only strengthen your connection.'
Question #2) "What is the best way to handle your Master changing back to vanilla out of the blue and refusing to help you deal with the sudden change?"
Since I don't have any background or context for this question, I am going to be making a couple of assumptions. Did you notice any gradual changes in behavior such as lessening in tasks, loosening of rules or not following up with corrections/punishments if needed? I would ask him what is wrong. If he refuses to answer, you need to decide if you want to stay with him if you want to have a BDSM relationship and he only wants vanilla. If you love him more than you need to have a D/s relationship, you have to find a compromise to be happy. I recommend evaluating your own feelings and priorities as well as your life situation and then decide how to proceed from there. In the meantime, connect with groups and friends for support to vent your frustrations. Lean on them and ask for advice on specific situations if you need.
Question #3) "I am also interested in more information and resources for submissives who have disabilities. Now that I am dealing with this sciatica will I be accepted by a Dom. Is there a place for me in the lifestyle?"
There are many different types of relationships in the BDSM community that involve people with different disabilities and health problems. While it does affect the way that couple practices BDSM, it does not exclude anyone from the Lifestyle. I have and deal with Epilepsy on a very regular basis. With it comes certain conditions that can hit me at irregular intervals. My Padrone (Master) has learned to deal with these situations and we have tailored our M/s relationship around my epilepsy. The main recommendation I would give is to be very upfront and open with any potential partners about all medical conditions that can or will affect certain aspects of a BDSM relationship. Also remember that not all BDSM relationships include S&M. If there are physical conditions that prevent S&M play, then find a partner that is willing to practice a more mental or softer kind of BDSM.
Below is a Google search containing many good links to different blogs talking about BDSM and disabilities. I hope you find some of them useful.
google.it/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=bdsm%20and%20disabilities
If any of you have any additional comments or websites that would add to the above conversations, please leave a comment below!
If you have questions that you like help with on any aspect of the BDSM Lifestyle, please send them to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com.
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During the year, we all see, hear, and read many articles from various sources telling us that the more weight we lose, the better we will feel. Millions of people get told by their doctors they need to be a certain weight based on statistics that many of us will never fit or reach for various reasons.
Articles in magazines tout how better we will look and feel if we just exercise more, eat less, and try to conform more to the beauty standards set by the glossy magazines. Now, some things are true. If we eat healthier, using less grease and sugars, we do tend to feel better. But losing weight is not always a good thing, even if you are a BBW. Let me tell you why.
I have been a large woman, around a US 18/20, pretty much my entire adult life. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in my early 20s. Hypoglycemia is a condition in which a person suffers from low blood sugar and needs to intake more carbohydrates than normal. A person that suffers from diabetes is just the opposite. They have to watch their sugar intake.
I lived in the USA until I was 38. During that time, I ate out at various fast food places a lot, ate candy, drank sodas, and basically lived in junk food. My hypoglycemia was never a problem because of all of the sugars and extra fat I had on my body. I literally forgot I had it until after I had my first child. During pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight and was down around a size 14 after delivery. I noticed that I was getting dizzy spells, not feeling hungry, and craving really starchy foods like potatoes, rice and bread. When the symptoms didn't subside, I went to my doctor and they ran tests thinking I had developed diabetes. The positive test results came back once again for hypoglycemia. I went back to my old eating habits, gained all my weight back, and the symptoms disappeared.
Now, many years later, I move to Italy at the age of 38 to become a fulltime 24/7 submissive slave to my Padrone Marco. Naturally, since I'm in a new country, completely different food, eating habits, stores, ways that the packaged food in the grocery stores are processes, and many other factors, I start losing weight. Now, I didn't do it on purpose and I still ate whatever I wanted to. But because of the above factors, the transformation happened naturally. Fast forward 2 years and 5 months later, I am now in a size 12/14.
Now you are wondering why I am telling you this by now, aren't you? The reason is this. My hypoglycemia is back. The symptoms mirror that of my epilepsy in many ways, but differ also. I found that my dizzy spells got worse. My moods were grumpier. I never had an appetite for anything and I started eating more bread related food. At first, I thought it was my epilepsy acting up mire but it didn't fit the normal patterns or symptoms. Then I thought about what I was eating. I first thought it was from eating kits of things with sugar and drinking too much coffee with sugar in it. So, we switched to sweeteners and ate much less sweets. My symptoms got worse and my cravings for carbohydrates increased.
I then once again remembered the hypoglycemia that had given me so much trouble when I had lost weight after my pregnancies. I did the research and bingo! Reading the symptoms online was just like they had written my own story. Padrone did reading as well and now makes sure I eat something starchy every 3-4 hours. Slowly, we are learning how to keep it mostly in check with different types of food and frequency of eating times.
The reason I am sharing this with you is to prove to you that loosing weight is not always better for your health. When I was larger, I didn't have any problems with my heart or blood pressure and my cholesterol was only slightly elevated. I lost weight naturally and it made my health problems worse with the reemergence of the hypoglycemia. Pay attention to doctors, but mostly, pay attention to the signs your body is giving you.
Of course eating a healthier diet is smarter. It will be better for your body as well. But if you feel good and your weight isn't causing you health problems, then keep on eating and doing what you are doing. The most important thing is that you are happy. The happier you are, the better your life will be.
Don't let the pics that are plastered in magazines be your idea of beauty. Let the person you see in the mirror be the judge. Show the world a confident, happy, BBW and they will look on in wonder and think how beautiful you are.
If you are into the BDSM lifestyle, the same holds true. You have to be comfortable with your body because you don't want to disappoint your Dominant by being depressed and insecure about your weight or shape. You have to remember that if your Dominant didn't find you attractive and sexy, he never would have picked you to submit to him.
So, don't make a resolution to lose weight, make one that says you will learn to love your body and yourself as you are. Make a resolution to be happy. Make a resolution to be you and not something you see on TV or in magazines. Because you have to remember that you are beautiful in your own skin.
Articles in magazines tout how better we will look and feel if we just exercise more, eat less, and try to conform more to the beauty standards set by the glossy magazines. Now, some things are true. If we eat healthier, using less grease and sugars, we do tend to feel better. But losing weight is not always a good thing, even if you are a BBW. Let me tell you why.
I have been a large woman, around a US 18/20, pretty much my entire adult life. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in my early 20s. Hypoglycemia is a condition in which a person suffers from low blood sugar and needs to intake more carbohydrates than normal. A person that suffers from diabetes is just the opposite. They have to watch their sugar intake.
I lived in the USA until I was 38. During that time, I ate out at various fast food places a lot, ate candy, drank sodas, and basically lived in junk food. My hypoglycemia was never a problem because of all of the sugars and extra fat I had on my body. I literally forgot I had it until after I had my first child. During pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight and was down around a size 14 after delivery. I noticed that I was getting dizzy spells, not feeling hungry, and craving really starchy foods like potatoes, rice and bread. When the symptoms didn't subside, I went to my doctor and they ran tests thinking I had developed diabetes. The positive test results came back once again for hypoglycemia. I went back to my old eating habits, gained all my weight back, and the symptoms disappeared.
Now, many years later, I move to Italy at the age of 38 to become a fulltime 24/7 submissive slave to my Padrone Marco. Naturally, since I'm in a new country, completely different food, eating habits, stores, ways that the packaged food in the grocery stores are processes, and many other factors, I start losing weight. Now, I didn't do it on purpose and I still ate whatever I wanted to. But because of the above factors, the transformation happened naturally. Fast forward 2 years and 5 months later, I am now in a size 12/14.
Now you are wondering why I am telling you this by now, aren't you? The reason is this. My hypoglycemia is back. The symptoms mirror that of my epilepsy in many ways, but differ also. I found that my dizzy spells got worse. My moods were grumpier. I never had an appetite for anything and I started eating more bread related food. At first, I thought it was my epilepsy acting up mire but it didn't fit the normal patterns or symptoms. Then I thought about what I was eating. I first thought it was from eating kits of things with sugar and drinking too much coffee with sugar in it. So, we switched to sweeteners and ate much less sweets. My symptoms got worse and my cravings for carbohydrates increased.
I then once again remembered the hypoglycemia that had given me so much trouble when I had lost weight after my pregnancies. I did the research and bingo! Reading the symptoms online was just like they had written my own story. Padrone did reading as well and now makes sure I eat something starchy every 3-4 hours. Slowly, we are learning how to keep it mostly in check with different types of food and frequency of eating times.
The reason I am sharing this with you is to prove to you that loosing weight is not always better for your health. When I was larger, I didn't have any problems with my heart or blood pressure and my cholesterol was only slightly elevated. I lost weight naturally and it made my health problems worse with the reemergence of the hypoglycemia. Pay attention to doctors, but mostly, pay attention to the signs your body is giving you.
Of course eating a healthier diet is smarter. It will be better for your body as well. But if you feel good and your weight isn't causing you health problems, then keep on eating and doing what you are doing. The most important thing is that you are happy. The happier you are, the better your life will be.
Don't let the pics that are plastered in magazines be your idea of beauty. Let the person you see in the mirror be the judge. Show the world a confident, happy, BBW and they will look on in wonder and think how beautiful you are.
If you are into the BDSM lifestyle, the same holds true. You have to be comfortable with your body because you don't want to disappoint your Dominant by being depressed and insecure about your weight or shape. You have to remember that if your Dominant didn't find you attractive and sexy, he never would have picked you to submit to him.
So, don't make a resolution to lose weight, make one that says you will learn to love your body and yourself as you are. Make a resolution to be happy. Make a resolution to be you and not something you see on TV or in magazines. Because you have to remember that you are beautiful in your own skin.
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