I would like to introduce you all to a wonderful couple, Master Grimm and Slave Nalani.
They are a 24/7 BDSM couple that live the lifestyle while being cross-country or long haul truck drivers. I found Nalani so fascinating and their dynamic so beautiful, I asked her to share her story with us. I will be posting an entry from her each month. Below is her first post. One of the first lessons we all can learn from this wonderful couple is that you can't let anything stand in the way of your happiness. If you want to live the Lifestyle, there is always a way. Now, enjoy reading. |
| Slave Nalani & Master Grimm |
'I would like to introduce myself first before I start writing on my Journal's. My name is slave Nalani. I was born and raised in Rotterdam, The Netherlands. I am 35 years and old lived my whole life in Europe before I moved to the United States of America 3years ago.
As child I was always by myself and didn't have any good friends. Maybe it was because I was different than most kids, which I now know that was the case.
Both of my parents worked, my father as cook and my mother in the fabric industry. At age of 16, I found myself alone, standing on my own two feet. From that point on, I looked at the world wondering how to make it through, because I didn't have my parents anymore. As time went by and I became older, my submissive feelings became stronger, especially when I looked at black leather items and when I started to watch some erotic things. It was very strange to me, but I do need to emphasize that I was perfectly comfortable with it and with who I was.
I went to the Erotic Expo and ended up in the special part of it called "The SM Area" in Europe. My eyes were focused on the girl who got candle wax poured over her body and I watched all of the stuff the Dominant did to her. I felt warm while looking at it, and thought to myself “Wow wish I was that girl!” From that moment I knew, I was positive about who I really was for all those years!
As I researched more into the Why's and the How's online, I came across lots of information that took time for me to realize that this was what I really needed. I mean did I really want those spankings? Do I really want to have a ball in my mouth or the burning wax on my body? Then I started thinking that yes, it is exactly what I want. Why would my body get warm from it and why would my blood start flowing faster through my veins if I didn't really need it?
So I started reading books online and watching movies. The more information I found, the happier I became! One story I was reading online was about a couple who lives as Master and slave and oh my goodness that was exciting! The woman slave was explained how much she enjoyed her lifestyle and how much she loved to get her playtime with her Master, who was also her Husband.
Every time I read those stories, I felt warm all over and so happy at the same time! The more I searched and tried to find answers, the more I knew I am a submissive girl. I started hoping to become as happy as all those people who wrote about their lives online and in books one day.
But unfortunately I lived without BDSM or happiness for many years and I ended up in the wrong type of marriage, where I felt miserable and not happy at all! I got a divorce after being mistreated for years and again found myself alone. I worked and moved on with my life alone, which was a very painful time. I had no one to share my thoughts with, no one to share my needs with. How long could I hold it together like that?
I made some friends during that time who were cool, or so I thought they were. We talked a lot and had some good conversations. I thought well you know what? Now is the time to tell them that there is something different about me, so I did! I told them I had special feelings inside me and that I wished I could let it all out. Of course they didn't know what I was talking about, so I told them that I am a submissive and that I hope to find a Real Man in my life who will be my Master. Man, I was so wrong for telling them. They laughed and made fun of me! They told me that they "can beat me up" and that I don't have to live this lifestyle telling "bring me a newspaper we spank you”. I wished I hadn’t opened my mouth, but I thought it was okay. I stopped them from making fun of me and distanced myself from them.
More time went by and there was still no one to share my feelings with and no one to give my gift of submission to. Was I going to end up by myself in this world? Am I that strange to people that they are afraid of me for being a submissive? Why do people not understand that this is what makes me happy, that this is what I need? I need to be dominated to be controlled. My body needs to be taken to that place that only I can feel.'
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When browsing BDSM pictures or adult toy shops, some of the costs are very high.
Since the downturn in the world economy, many families don't have the extra money to buy floggers, vibrators, fancy paddles, or bondage equipment. Below are a couple of things most people have just around the house or that can be bought for cheap that can be used as improvised play equipment.
Some of the most basic items that you can find for a BDSM toy bag include many things you can find at your local dollar store. Some of the things I recommend are clothes pins, clothes line and/or rope, scarves, rubber bands, bag clips, hair brushes, plastic rods (from mini blinds or shower rods), mixing spoons/spatulas (both wooden and plastic), candles (paraffin is best for beginners but regular candles can do in a pinch), hangers (both plastic and wire), pantyhose, paper, and pencils.
Restraints
Hand, wrist, or ankle restraints can easily be done with cords, ribbons, tape measures, belts, soft ropes, pantyhose, ties, bandanas or scarves. You can use them to tie hands or feet together or use one end to tie a hand or foot to the corner of a bed. Always make sure that there is no tingling in fingers or toes and that the one restrained is comfortable. You do not want to cut off circulation with a too tight knot. Keep a very sharp pair of scissors handy in case you have to do a emergency cut!
Gags and Blindfolds
Ties and scarves can be used to blindfold or gag a submissive. They should be of a soft material so that they don't chafe. if you are more improvised ball gags, you can buy a small or medium plastic ball from the dollar store, drill a hole thru it and attach a scarf or rope to secure it around the submissives head.
Clamps
We have all seen the beautiful and in some cases, very creative nipple clamps that are available on the market today. But, if you are in a pinch, or don't have or want to spend the money, you can improvise and make your own.Clothes pins are great for nipple and clit clamps/torture. Chip clips can be used for nipples but are great to clamp the entire vagina lips together. Just like regular clamps, be careful with the amout of time you leave them attached. The longer you leave them, the more it will hurt when they are taken off.
Paddles
Now, there are a veritable unlimited number of items you can use that you have already, or can buy for cheap, to deliver that spanking. Here is what I can think of that just the average household would have: wooden or plastic spoons or spatulas, belts, flip flops, thin to medium sized tree branches, acrylic or thin wooden cutting boards with handles, and hair brushes.
Flogger
A Rubber Band Flogger is an easy project that can be done fairly quickly. It's a great toy for light flogging or for flogging sensitive areas, like genitals or nipples. All you need are some rubber bands, a needle and thread, an unsharpened pencil or dowel rod, and some tape (I like duct tape or electrician's tape). Tip: If you want a flogger to throw with more force, use a longer dowel rod. Cut the rubber bands in half, match up the ends, and run the needle and thread through. Once you have a chain of rubber bands long enough to wrap around the end of your pencil or dowel rod, tie them on with the ends of the thread. To make this secure, wrap the end of your pencil or dowel rod with tape, and voila -- happy flogging.
the handle. You can dress this flogger up however you want once you make it. Slide the inner tube through the PVC pipe to about halfway and then fold the inner tube back over the outside of the PVC pipe. Carefully cut the hanging end of the inner tube with a sharp knife or scissors into strips of about 1/2" to 1" wide. This part is optional, if you want to hang your flogger on the wall. Get your drill and carefully drill two holes at the hand-end of the PVC pipe. Insert your grommets or your D-ring.
Most people believe that in order to “do BDSM correctly” they need to focus on having the latest and greatest implements and instrumentation. BDSM is more about creativity and freedom from doing and being the expected. Never be afraid to let your imagination run wild. Hallmark sign of a serious player: they can find a way to use anything in a room in a kinky way.
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Spanking, whether it’s done with a toy or by hand, is something that a lot of people enjoy for many different reasons.
Spanking can feel great. The thrill of doing something naughty can be fun. It might be part of a role play or S&M scene.
It can be a long wait for that first spanking. Many submissives are over 30 before they get the courage to act out fantasies they have had since childhood. The reality of spanking can be a bit of a surprise. Firstly, it's every bit as fun as you have been led to believe. Submission is mind-blowingly liberating. Secondly, you may end up looking rather different from the pink-cheeked and politely striped girls on the commercial websites.
Spanking is first a dichotomy of power. It is this transfer of power, this total surrender that is the hallmark of spanking. Within that concept, there are many levels of submission, and corresponding degrees of physicality. Within the spanking scene, there are two general types of spanking, and several types of spanking relationships to encapsulate them. These two main categories still provide a lot of room for subtle nuances. These main categories are Sensual/Erotic and Disciplinary/Domestic Discipline.
If you are not already in a defined BDSM role and relationship, talk with your partner about what excites them about spanking. If you want to try something naughty, then engaging in role play may give you extra context for that naughtiness. If you’re curious about the sensation, then a role might be irrelevant, plus you might want to be in a position that allows the maximum comfort. You’re much more likely to get what you want when you can talk with your partner about it.
'Safe, sane and consensual' goes without saying. Constant communication is necessary and so is absolute trust. If you have fragile skin, there is lot more to it that establishing a safe-word, because the sub's tolerance might bear little relation to the marks inflicted. She can't see what's going on behind her, and in any case, if she gets into sub-space, she's not in a place to make sensible decisions of any sort. So there is an extra burden of care on the Dom.
Just before a spanking happens, the Dominant will generally position the submissive in one of several traditional and well known spanking positions. I won’t get into those positions today because there are simply too many.
The Dominant is normally in a higher position than the submissive so they can restrain and control the submissive when she moves. The control also heightens the satisfaction of a top in a scene like this. The Dominant can apply more strength in the traditional positions. When sitting with a submissive over the lap, the Dominant can swing their arms naturally and apply force on all those spots they plan to hit. When they are standing, he or she can swing their arms and body to get even more power out of the stroke. Of course, it is a matter of comfort as well, since it makes sense that the naughty girl or boy receiving the spanking should be less comfortable than the Dominant. Comfort also contributes to the length of a spanking and that is of course a benefit for the sub too.
The position of the submissive’s butt is very tantalizing in most traditional postures. It makes the activity so much more erotic for the Dominant and helps to ensure accuracy in the spanking. There is nothing quite as appealing as the derriere stretched at an angle ready for that spanking. Safety is also a factor to discuss here. The Dominant is more able to ensure that he or she will not hit too high or too low and the submissive will not be harmed.
If you’re new to spanking, it’s a good idea to focus your attention on the butt only. There’s a lot you can do on the butt cheeks and the body is usually pretty well-padded there, so you don’t need to worry about causing damage. Plus, when you spank someone’s butt, you can indirectly stimulate their genitals, especially if they’re in a position that allows them to rub against your leg or a piece of furniture. Be careful to avoid hitting the tailbone and never hit on the kidneys.
Many people find that the sensation of spanking varies along a continuum of sting-thud. Stingy sensations tend to be on the surface of the skin, while thudding sensations feel deeper. Different toys and hand positions create different sensations, so you may need to experiment a bit. Also, some people have strong preferences for one style and feel over the other, while some like both kind of sensation.
You may find that as you get turned on, things start to feel different. Sexual arousal increases our ability to feel strong sensations, so it’s a good idea to start off lightly and ramp up. Combining or alternating spanking with other types of stimulation can be a fun way to increase the pleasure. Or you might want to get turned on before you start spanking. Lots of people like to switch from spanking to gentle caresses or the feeling of a fur or fleece glove. Play around with it and you’ll discover what feels good to you.
Newbie Dominants remember that you can make the spanking even more erotic by varying touches and rhythm, by caressing me and then spanking me you can get me to new heights of pleasure. Your control could be magnified by a little bit of humiliating speak too. Also, reminding your sub to return to position and to maintain that position often helps keep them in line and even more excited.
Spanking can feel great. The thrill of doing something naughty can be fun. It might be part of a role play or S&M scene.
It can be a long wait for that first spanking. Many submissives are over 30 before they get the courage to act out fantasies they have had since childhood. The reality of spanking can be a bit of a surprise. Firstly, it's every bit as fun as you have been led to believe. Submission is mind-blowingly liberating. Secondly, you may end up looking rather different from the pink-cheeked and politely striped girls on the commercial websites.
Spanking is first a dichotomy of power. It is this transfer of power, this total surrender that is the hallmark of spanking. Within that concept, there are many levels of submission, and corresponding degrees of physicality. Within the spanking scene, there are two general types of spanking, and several types of spanking relationships to encapsulate them. These two main categories still provide a lot of room for subtle nuances. These main categories are Sensual/Erotic and Disciplinary/Domestic Discipline.
If you are not already in a defined BDSM role and relationship, talk with your partner about what excites them about spanking. If you want to try something naughty, then engaging in role play may give you extra context for that naughtiness. If you’re curious about the sensation, then a role might be irrelevant, plus you might want to be in a position that allows the maximum comfort. You’re much more likely to get what you want when you can talk with your partner about it.
'Safe, sane and consensual' goes without saying. Constant communication is necessary and so is absolute trust. If you have fragile skin, there is lot more to it that establishing a safe-word, because the sub's tolerance might bear little relation to the marks inflicted. She can't see what's going on behind her, and in any case, if she gets into sub-space, she's not in a place to make sensible decisions of any sort. So there is an extra burden of care on the Dom.
Just before a spanking happens, the Dominant will generally position the submissive in one of several traditional and well known spanking positions. I won’t get into those positions today because there are simply too many.
The Dominant is normally in a higher position than the submissive so they can restrain and control the submissive when she moves. The control also heightens the satisfaction of a top in a scene like this. The Dominant can apply more strength in the traditional positions. When sitting with a submissive over the lap, the Dominant can swing their arms naturally and apply force on all those spots they plan to hit. When they are standing, he or she can swing their arms and body to get even more power out of the stroke. Of course, it is a matter of comfort as well, since it makes sense that the naughty girl or boy receiving the spanking should be less comfortable than the Dominant. Comfort also contributes to the length of a spanking and that is of course a benefit for the sub too.
The position of the submissive’s butt is very tantalizing in most traditional postures. It makes the activity so much more erotic for the Dominant and helps to ensure accuracy in the spanking. There is nothing quite as appealing as the derriere stretched at an angle ready for that spanking. Safety is also a factor to discuss here. The Dominant is more able to ensure that he or she will not hit too high or too low and the submissive will not be harmed.
If you’re new to spanking, it’s a good idea to focus your attention on the butt only. There’s a lot you can do on the butt cheeks and the body is usually pretty well-padded there, so you don’t need to worry about causing damage. Plus, when you spank someone’s butt, you can indirectly stimulate their genitals, especially if they’re in a position that allows them to rub against your leg or a piece of furniture. Be careful to avoid hitting the tailbone and never hit on the kidneys.
Many people find that the sensation of spanking varies along a continuum of sting-thud. Stingy sensations tend to be on the surface of the skin, while thudding sensations feel deeper. Different toys and hand positions create different sensations, so you may need to experiment a bit. Also, some people have strong preferences for one style and feel over the other, while some like both kind of sensation.
You may find that as you get turned on, things start to feel different. Sexual arousal increases our ability to feel strong sensations, so it’s a good idea to start off lightly and ramp up. Combining or alternating spanking with other types of stimulation can be a fun way to increase the pleasure. Or you might want to get turned on before you start spanking. Lots of people like to switch from spanking to gentle caresses or the feeling of a fur or fleece glove. Play around with it and you’ll discover what feels good to you.
Newbie Dominants remember that you can make the spanking even more erotic by varying touches and rhythm, by caressing me and then spanking me you can get me to new heights of pleasure. Your control could be magnified by a little bit of humiliating speak too. Also, reminding your sub to return to position and to maintain that position often helps keep them in line and even more excited.
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