I Am A Submissive Woman
i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive
i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive
to my Master in a loving
relationship.
i am not weak or stupid. i am a
strong woman,
with firm views and a clear concept
of what i want out of my life.
i do not serve out of shame or
weakness, but out of pride and strength.
i will look to my loving Master for
guidance and protection, for never
will i be more complete than when He
is with me.
i know that He will protect my body,
my mind, and my soul
with His strength and wisdom.
He is everything to me, as i am
everything to Him.
His touch awakens me and His
thoughts free me.
Only in serving Him do i find
complete freedom and joy…
His punishments may be harsh, but i
accept them thankfully,
knowing that He has my best
interests always foremost in His mind.
If He desires my body for pleasure,
i shall joyfully give it to Him
and take pleasure myself from
knowing that i have brought Him happiness.
However, the pleasure of the flesh
is but one facet of O/our relationship.
The love, the trust and sharing, the
words spoken and felt,
those are all parts of this
relationship.
My body is His, and if He says i am
beautiful, then i am.
No matter what i look like to
others, i am beautiful in His eyes,
and because of that i hold my head
high.
If He says i am His precious jewel,
then i am that…a beautiful,
sparkling gem.
If He says that i am His pet, His
slut, His whore, then i am that..
as wanton and dirty as He wants me
to be.
My mind is His, to expand, to
explore, to know only as He can.
i have no secrets from Him… for
secrets are a thing that would
keep me from being more perfectly
His.
Secrets would put a wall up between
my Master and myself…
and i do not want walls.
His lessons are not always ones i
would seek on my own,
but they are lessons He has decided
that i need, and so i learn from Him.
My soul is His, as bare to His touch
as ever my skin could be
when i kneel naked at His feet.
Never a moment goes by when i do not
feel His presence,
be He miles away or standing over
me.
If i were to ever displease Him, His
displeasure would be a blow to my soul,
worse punishment than any lashes
could be.
The anguish of my soul that i feel
when i disappoint Him
is harder to bear than any physical
anguish i feel.
i am grateful that he cares enough
about me to spend
His time and energy so freely on me.
i have the easier job, to feel, to
experience,
to let myself go and abandon
everything to Him.
i am His pleasure and His
responsibility, and He takes both seriously .
i am a submissive woman.
i am proud to call myself that, my
submission is a gift that i do not give lightly,
and can only be given to the One who
can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.
Only to my Master who has that
strength, will i give myself fully,
because i am strong and proud.
i am a submissive woman.
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This was taken from Helen B. Andelin's Fascinating Womanhood, published by Pacific Press in 1965.
The course was designed to teach women how to be happy in marriage.
I posted an article a couple of months ago about being a 1950s style Housewife in today's world and thought this article would fit perfectly as a second installment.
.jpg "How to be the Perfect House Wife (9)")
What do you think? As submissive women, do you agree with any of what is said? What do you do differently? I do believe in a lot of the things it says, but know that in reality a lot of the tips presented in 1965 can not be incorporated in today's family setting.
Let me hear your thoughts! Comment below!
The course was designed to teach women how to be happy in marriage.
I posted an article a couple of months ago about being a 1950s style Housewife in today's world and thought this article would fit perfectly as a second installment.
GET YOUR WORK DONE
Plan your tasks with an eye on the clock. Finish or interrupt them an hour before he is expected. Your anguished cry, "Are you home already?" is not exactly a warm welcome.
HAVE DINNER READY
Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
PREPARE YOURSELF
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. This will also make you happy to see him instead of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive and grateful for the man who is going to walk in. While you are resting you can be thinking about your Fascinating Womanhood assignment and all you can do to make him happy and give his spirits a lift. When you arise, take care of your appearance. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. in a bucket or wastebasket and put them in the back bedroom for sorting later. Then run a dustcloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. Having the house in order is another way of letting him know that you care and have planned for this homecoming.PREPARE THE CHILDREN
Take just a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them look the part.MINIMIZE ALL NOISE
Especially give heed to this if your husband has to join rush hour traffic. At the time of his arrival eliminate noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet at the time of their father's arrival. Let them be a little noisy beforehand to get it out of their system.BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM
Greet him with a warm smile and act glad to see him. Tell him that it is good to have him home. This may make his day worthwhile. If there is any romance left in you, he needs it now.
SOME DON'TS
Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Solve the problems you can before he gets home and save those you must discuss with him until later in the evening. Also, don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem when compared with what he might have gone through that day. Don't allow the children to rush at him with problems or requests. Allow them to briefly greet their father but save demands for later.MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE
Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don't insist on this however. Turn on music if it is one of his pleasures. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax - to unwind.
LISTEN TO HIM
You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, then he will be a more responsive listener later..jpg "How to be the Perfect House Wife (9)")
MAKE THE EVENING HIS
Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and to relax. If he is cross or irritable, never fight back. Again, try to understand his world of strain.
THE GOAL
Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Then add to this the application of all the principles of Fascinating Womanhood and your husband will want to come home. He will rather be with you than with anyone else in the world and will spend whatever time he can possibly spare with you. Try living all of these rules for his homecoming and see what happens. This is the way to bring a man home to your side, not by pressure, persuasion or moral obligation.
What do you think? As submissive women, do you agree with any of what is said? What do you do differently? I do believe in a lot of the things it says, but know that in reality a lot of the tips presented in 1965 can not be incorporated in today's family setting.
Let me hear your thoughts! Comment below!
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The text book definition of a submissive is a person that takes the passive, receiving, or obedient role; one who relinquishes control for a large percentage of his or her day-to-day life to a top, or who submits within a formal set of rules and rituals.
A submissive / slave is usually aware first of the wants, needs and expectations of the Dominant figure around her and not concerned as much with her own wants, needs and expectations.
A submissive explores the new world of surrendering power to another. It is not surprising that people engaged in D/s often spend a lot of energy determining what are the appropriate bounds of submission and control to incorporate into their play. For those for whom this kind of power exchange is a lifestyle expression, the scope of dominance and submission implemented may be quite extensive.
When trying to define roles, the word of slave enters into the picture. While some people insist that the word slave, like the word submissive, can mean to the individual anything they want it to mean, it is a fact of the established and more experienced leather community that slavery in an M/s sense of the word has specific connotations, and that slavery differs from submission in significant ways. I want to explore those differences here and illustrate why I believe that a submissive and a slave are two entirely different creatures, as unlike as apples and oranges.
I will offer a definition of submissive and slave first put forth by Steven Davis on the old alt.sex.bondage newsgroup on Usenet in 1995. A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon her. A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter it is obligatory upon her to obey.
At the heart of submission is the choice to submit and the option to say No. The submissive decides how much authority she will cede to another, how much control she will bow to, and what aspects of her life she will surrender to the Dominant's command. Submissive power exchange is about choice: about the option to decide how one feels about a command and what one is going to do about it. At any point that the sub is not comfortable with this arrangement, it is within her rights to say "No, I'm not going to do that", and this becomes a signal to the couple that they need to renegotiate something. It does not completely derail the power dynamic between them.
A submissive that is controlled in large tracts of her life, her sexuality, work, dress, social habits, etc., may fall into a space of obedience where orders in those arenas are never mulled over. This is not counter to the definition I gave above but a special subset thereof: even for such a closely-controlled submissive, there remains some area of her life or aspect of her person where she retains autonomy, or where it is her option to decide if she wishes to submit in the moment. In short, a submissive chooses to submit and has the option in some area or another to say no to a dominant command.
How, then, does consensual slavery differ from submission? First and foremost, slavery hinges upon a commitment to obedience. The slave does not revisit issues such as "Should I submit?" or "How do I feel about that? Will I say yes or no?" When a Dominant order is issued, whether or not the slave agrees with it, she is obedient in the same manner that a soldier is who has enlisted in the Army. Secondly, in consensual slavery, a person gives themselves over to the control of another as completely as is humanly possible. This means not only a high degree of obedience, but that there is actually a chattel property context to the relationship. I’m not talking about a legal relationship, of course, but to a mutual understanding of ownership and property status that arises between the parties. While both slaves and submissives are often fondly referred to as property, in the sense of consensual slavery the slave becomes literally (by mutual agreement) the property of the Owner. It is not unheard of for slaves to be sold by an Owner and to go willingly to their new Master or Mistress.
A slave commits to obey. A no becomes a deal breaker in a way it can never be for a submissive. Thirdly, a slave cannot say No without completely rescinding the very basis of the Master / slave agreement. A No from a slave is a terminal deal-breaker in a way that it is not for a submissive. One analogy I offer is this: a submissive is like an employee in the workplace, who can protest directives and hope to resolve conflict with management (the Dominant). A slave, on the other hand, is like a soldier who, if she disobeys orders, has put herself in a position of mutiny with much more dire consequences to her relationship to the military (the Owner) than if she were a civilian disputing a less-controlling authority. The military cannot function if command authority is questioned, and neither can a Master / slave relationship.
Earlier I said, "The submissive decides how much authority she will cede to another, how much control she will bow to, and what aspects of her life she will surrender to the Dominant's command.". Slavery differs in this regard: these decisions are not made by the slave, but by the Owner for the slave, after the general commitment to obedience is in place.
If a Dominant is asking you to do things that are against the law or your own moral values, then he or she is not a true Dominant and you should really think if you want to continue that relationship.
Communication, Respect, Honor, Trust, Honesty, and Consistency need to play a predominant role in your daily life. As you continue your journey, you'll find these words are, or should be, entwined into everything you do or encounter. Without these words and adherence to what they represent, a true Dominant / submissive relationship will be doomed to an early failure. Four of these terms, Honor, Respect, Communication and Trust also form the basic building blocks or foundation of any Dominant / submissive (D/s) or Master/slave (M/s) relationship.
As a submissive or slave, you may not find yourself in control of many situations, but the one situation you are always in control of is how much you learn about this Lifestyle before venturing into it, and how much you continue to learn to improve yourself and your abilities to please your Master or Dominant. There are many avenues open to you to explore your submissiveness and to seek more knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. Reading articles, books, and internet sites can often prepare you for many of the things you have not discovered, as well as lead you to different thoughts about the Lifestyle.
Remember, all Dominants will push your limits and push the boundaries, but never take you so far over the edge that it will scar you physically or mentally. True Dominants know how and when to push the limits of their sub / slave, but also know when the sub / slave needs a softer touch. That is one of the marks of a true and caring Dom.
The main thing is to remember what being a submissive is about. That it is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person, a Dominant. It is allowing yourself to feel freedom by being taken in hand. It is about knowing, understanding, caring, and feeling things you cannot feel if you do not submit your entire self to that Dominant. It is essentially being allowed to fly, to blossom and grow, to know true freedom by being consensually enslaved.
A submissive / slave is usually aware first of the wants, needs and expectations of the Dominant figure around her and not concerned as much with her own wants, needs and expectations.
A submissive explores the new world of surrendering power to another. It is not surprising that people engaged in D/s often spend a lot of energy determining what are the appropriate bounds of submission and control to incorporate into their play. For those for whom this kind of power exchange is a lifestyle expression, the scope of dominance and submission implemented may be quite extensive.
When trying to define roles, the word of slave enters into the picture. While some people insist that the word slave, like the word submissive, can mean to the individual anything they want it to mean, it is a fact of the established and more experienced leather community that slavery in an M/s sense of the word has specific connotations, and that slavery differs from submission in significant ways. I want to explore those differences here and illustrate why I believe that a submissive and a slave are two entirely different creatures, as unlike as apples and oranges.
I will offer a definition of submissive and slave first put forth by Steven Davis on the old alt.sex.bondage newsgroup on Usenet in 1995. A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon her. A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter it is obligatory upon her to obey.
At the heart of submission is the choice to submit and the option to say No. The submissive decides how much authority she will cede to another, how much control she will bow to, and what aspects of her life she will surrender to the Dominant's command. Submissive power exchange is about choice: about the option to decide how one feels about a command and what one is going to do about it. At any point that the sub is not comfortable with this arrangement, it is within her rights to say "No, I'm not going to do that", and this becomes a signal to the couple that they need to renegotiate something. It does not completely derail the power dynamic between them.
A submissive that is controlled in large tracts of her life, her sexuality, work, dress, social habits, etc., may fall into a space of obedience where orders in those arenas are never mulled over. This is not counter to the definition I gave above but a special subset thereof: even for such a closely-controlled submissive, there remains some area of her life or aspect of her person where she retains autonomy, or where it is her option to decide if she wishes to submit in the moment. In short, a submissive chooses to submit and has the option in some area or another to say no to a dominant command.
How, then, does consensual slavery differ from submission? First and foremost, slavery hinges upon a commitment to obedience. The slave does not revisit issues such as "Should I submit?" or "How do I feel about that? Will I say yes or no?" When a Dominant order is issued, whether or not the slave agrees with it, she is obedient in the same manner that a soldier is who has enlisted in the Army. Secondly, in consensual slavery, a person gives themselves over to the control of another as completely as is humanly possible. This means not only a high degree of obedience, but that there is actually a chattel property context to the relationship. I’m not talking about a legal relationship, of course, but to a mutual understanding of ownership and property status that arises between the parties. While both slaves and submissives are often fondly referred to as property, in the sense of consensual slavery the slave becomes literally (by mutual agreement) the property of the Owner. It is not unheard of for slaves to be sold by an Owner and to go willingly to their new Master or Mistress.
A slave commits to obey. A no becomes a deal breaker in a way it can never be for a submissive. Thirdly, a slave cannot say No without completely rescinding the very basis of the Master / slave agreement. A No from a slave is a terminal deal-breaker in a way that it is not for a submissive. One analogy I offer is this: a submissive is like an employee in the workplace, who can protest directives and hope to resolve conflict with management (the Dominant). A slave, on the other hand, is like a soldier who, if she disobeys orders, has put herself in a position of mutiny with much more dire consequences to her relationship to the military (the Owner) than if she were a civilian disputing a less-controlling authority. The military cannot function if command authority is questioned, and neither can a Master / slave relationship.
Earlier I said, "The submissive decides how much authority she will cede to another, how much control she will bow to, and what aspects of her life she will surrender to the Dominant's command.". Slavery differs in this regard: these decisions are not made by the slave, but by the Owner for the slave, after the general commitment to obedience is in place.
If a Dominant is asking you to do things that are against the law or your own moral values, then he or she is not a true Dominant and you should really think if you want to continue that relationship.
Communication, Respect, Honor, Trust, Honesty, and Consistency need to play a predominant role in your daily life. As you continue your journey, you'll find these words are, or should be, entwined into everything you do or encounter. Without these words and adherence to what they represent, a true Dominant / submissive relationship will be doomed to an early failure. Four of these terms, Honor, Respect, Communication and Trust also form the basic building blocks or foundation of any Dominant / submissive (D/s) or Master/slave (M/s) relationship.
As a submissive or slave, you may not find yourself in control of many situations, but the one situation you are always in control of is how much you learn about this Lifestyle before venturing into it, and how much you continue to learn to improve yourself and your abilities to please your Master or Dominant. There are many avenues open to you to explore your submissiveness and to seek more knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. Reading articles, books, and internet sites can often prepare you for many of the things you have not discovered, as well as lead you to different thoughts about the Lifestyle.
Remember, all Dominants will push your limits and push the boundaries, but never take you so far over the edge that it will scar you physically or mentally. True Dominants know how and when to push the limits of their sub / slave, but also know when the sub / slave needs a softer touch. That is one of the marks of a true and caring Dom.
The main thing is to remember what being a submissive is about. That it is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person, a Dominant. It is allowing yourself to feel freedom by being taken in hand. It is about knowing, understanding, caring, and feeling things you cannot feel if you do not submit your entire self to that Dominant. It is essentially being allowed to fly, to blossom and grow, to know true freedom by being consensually enslaved.
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A Dominant is a person with a dominant aspect in their personality who needs and chooses to expand on that dominance through a consensual power exchange.
He may only require the power exchange in a limited capacity or may choose to exercise that dominance within a 24/7 relationship.
I want to
talk a little about new Dominants. Yes, Dominants need training also. Contrary
to popular belief by wannabe Doms, they are not born with the knowledge of a BDSM
Master. Many people that just start out read a lot about different parts of the
Lifestyle online and all of a sudden think they know everything. We all have
met these people. And we all have laughed them right off our friends list also.
Before shouting out loud to everyone what a great Dominant you are, go find a mentor that
actually has been around BDSM enough to be able to teach you. There is no shame
in a submissive teaching you either. In fact, they will probably give you lots
of insight into the inner psychology of the submissive. You should also try
some of the things on yourself to understand what it feels like.
Here is a
general guideline for new Dominants:
Be Humble. Do not strut around and shout out you are a
Dominant. You have to earn respect. It is not a given. Be careful to not let
your ego kill any chances you might have of building a relationship or getting
a new play partner.
Be Tolerant. You will meet many people on your journey who
will be completely different from yourself. Remember, no one was born with the
knowledge of how to be a dominant, and only by keeping our minds open, can we
expect to better ourselves.
Be Open. As you start to explore the wide and various
world of BDSM, you have to remain open to learning new things and not automatically
condemn something that is not to our liking.
Be Honest. Always tell the truth. Never lie to your
partner or yourself. If you don’t know something (technique or knowledge wise),
be honest and admit that. There is no shame in not knowing something. The shame
comes in when you hurt someone by performing a scene and you hurt your partner
because you didn’t have the training to do it correctly.
Study, Learn, and Study Some More. If you have chosen D/s as your
lifestyle you must also choose to forever be a student willing to learn.
Communicate. Talk about everything! It doesn't matter if
you are the type of dom who plans out every last move in a scene, one who just
wings it and does what feels right at the moment, or somewhere in-between;
discuss with your partner things you would like to do and scenes you would
enjoy, and encourage your partner to do the same.
Learn from Your Mistakes. Dominants are only human and you
will make a mistake here or there. Admit it, learn from it, and try not to make
the same error again.
Remember
that you are here to dominate the submissive. Be firm and self-assured. Know
what you want and do not apologize for wanting it. State your wants and needs
clearly and clarify it should the sub not understand. Discipline transgressions
consistently and make sure that you do what you say when you said you would.
Use your voice and hand gestures and make sure that rules are established and
that they are followed.
You need to
make sure that you are physically able to play. For this you need some
strength, fitness and agility some times. Make sure that you do not use drugs
or alcohol when you play, as you need to be completely aware of the environment
and the submissive much more so than she or he needs to be.
Have fun
though and enjoy the journey. I am sure these tips will help. These tips are
generic though and you will find them all over. Remember that wisdom
lies in the oft-repeated phrases.
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Introducing BDSM International's First Contest!
Ever want
to show your sexy Dominant or submissive side off to the world? You can do it
for fun or to get appreciated by fellow fans of the sites. Inbox me your photos
at https://www.facebook.com/BdsmInternational
and I will post them Here and on my Twitter, Pinterest, Google + pages, Tumblr and
BDSMUnveiled blogs.
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com
www.facebook.com/MichelleFegatofi
www.facebook.com/BDSMInternational
https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/112450374015048658322
http://michellefegatofi.tumblr.com/
https://twitter.com/MFegatofi
http://pinterest.com/BdsmUnveiled/
Contest:
1. You have until Saturday, December 23, 2012 at Midnight Pacific Coast Time to get
your pictures in. Pictures received after this date will not be eligible.
2. I will post all pictures on Thursday, December 27, 2012 to the
above mentioned blogs and let the fans of each blog pick the winner by the number
of likes received.
3. Voting will start then and close Saturday, January 12, 2013. Once all
likes are tallied from each blog, the winners will be announced and highlighted
on our BDSM International Facebook page.
4. Winners from each of my blogs will receive
an electronic copy of my first book BDSM
for Beginners by Michelle Fegatofi.
Rules:
1. Must be 18 years old or older.
2. By sending in your pictures, you
automatically give BDSM International the right to publish them on all the
pages and blogs listed above and agree to the contest rules.
3. Original Amateur Picture taken of
yourself. None off the internet.
4. The pictures must be 800 x 600 in
size or larger.
5. Color or Black and white accepted.
6. NO COMPLETE NUDES, MUST BE WEARING
AT LEAST A THONG AND NO NIPPLES SHOWING, GENITALS MUST BE COVERED.
Subject matter or pose must be of a BDSM nature
and include entire body and only ONE person per picture.
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I got a lot of feedback from the post I did about the softer side of BDSM.
There are many people out there that either do not like the S&M of BDSM, or just don't practice it. These relationships could be called simple D/s or a Taken In Hand type of relationship.
First, I’m not drawing a distinction between 24/7 D/s and M/s relationships, because I find that different people use the terms in overlapping ways. I’m talking about relationships that involve a full-time power hierarchy. For me, that means relationships in which the two (or more) people involved always relate to one another from a power-based dynamic, and that this dynamic extends outside the time that the people spend in one another’s presence.
Participation in a kink community can be incredibly helpful — it can provide relationship models for you to look at and learn from or discard as needed. Even if everyone around you does their kink differently than you do, that can help you better understand who you are (and are not) and what you’re doing (and not doing).
There are many people out there that either do not like the S&M of BDSM, or just don't practice it. These relationships could be called simple D/s or a Taken In Hand type of relationship.
First, I’m not drawing a distinction between 24/7 D/s and M/s relationships, because I find that different people use the terms in overlapping ways. I’m talking about relationships that involve a full-time power hierarchy. For me, that means relationships in which the two (or more) people involved always relate to one another from a power-based dynamic, and that this dynamic extends outside the time that the people spend in one another’s presence.
There is a
distinction between fantasy and reality. 24/7 relationships happen when you’re
doing it for reasons beyond orgasm (even if arousal and orgasm are a big, or
even essential, part of the draw). This is not a huge ongoing role-play
scenario. It’s an intensification of the power-based parameters in which you
live your everyday life. If you simply try to extend a role-play scenario into
your entire relationship, you’ll find that the narrow parameters of a persona
or character are simply not big enough to encompass who you are, and need to
be, every hour of every day.
24/7 is not about restricting yourself to a
specific set of characteristics the way you can for an hour or two in a scene. It’s
about bringing all of who you are to the table and offering it within a
full-spectrum relationship. That means you’re doing it regardless of what
you’re wearing (leather, work drag, bunny slippers…) and where you are
(bedroom, dungeon, airport, family dinner) and what you’re doing (having sex,
working, eating breakfast, hanging out with friends). Yes, this means you may
need to find ways to scale up and down the overt visibility of your relationship.
No, it does not mean you’re turning it on or off at will. A lot of the classic
“it’s just play” concepts that you might hear in a BDSM 101 workshop are going
to go right out the window here because what you are doing is not a scene. It
comes with a whole different – related, but different – psychology.
Being in a
hurry has probably brought on more heartaches than any single thing we hear
about when discussing failed relationships. Those submissive urges can be very
strong and sometimes overpower common sense unless you really keep things from
getting out of hand. Without first building a foundation of love, trust and
respect, there isn't much hope of any relationship succeeding, especially a D/s
one. Searching for the Dominant of your dreams is pretty much like dating in
the vanilla world but with an added twist. You will have to trust this person
with your life and well-being. You have to really know this person and I
personally do not believe this can happen before you have had several months on
which to base your judgment. Don't be afraid to ask for references from people
he/she knows in the lifestyle. If this creates a problem because you did ask,
I'd consider the possibility that this person has something to hide.
Not fully
understanding your limits and the things expected in this lifestyle can lead to
some serious problems that can be easily avoided. Learn all you can about D/s
and yourself. Make checklist of activities with your potential dominant and
find out what things do and do not interest you. You have the right and
obligation to honestly express your feelings on activities within this
lifestyle. No one likes or needs them all and keeping your real feelings hidden
will only lead to problems later. Keep in mind that dominants have limits too.
For a relationship to be satisfying and healthy it has to be based on mutual
interests and goals.
Communicating
effectively is more than just talking. You have to be able to voice your
concerns, hopes, needs, dreams, disappointments, and hurts as well as all the
positive emotions you so willingly share. Remember it's also listening to what
is said and the way it's said. Gestures, facial expressions and body language
often say more than words. Learning some better communication skills is always
a good investment for your future. A great deal of the dynamics of a D/s
relationship hinges on you openly sharing your fantasies and fears. If there is
something that's causing you to be anxious or has left you unfulfilled, it's
your duty to communicate this to your dominant. The same applies for the things
that have given you pleasure or satisfaction. You have to share what's
happening inside that submissive head and heart. Remember, even the best
dominant is not a mind reader.
Intense
power relationships will bring you face to face with whatever issues you need
to work on. Your ability to sustain your D/s relationship depends on you and
your partner’s willingness to deal with them, and your mutual willingness to
deal with theirs. Hint: if the same thing keeps going wrong in every
relationship, you don’t just need to find the right person; you need to change
yourself. At the same
time as you both commit to working on yourselves, you also need to find a way
to balance this with a commitment to accepting each other as you are. While you
can work on specific things, and while major change does take place sometimes,
you cannot fundamentally change a person into something they are not, and you
certainly can’t expect major change to happen quickly or exactly as you’d like
it to. So don’t enter into a 24/7 relationship if your happiness is going to be
dependent on a radical or immediate personality shift on the others’ part.
D/s
relationships are intense. Have I mentioned that? They are intense,
soul-searching relationships that affect every moment of every day. The kind of
exploration and self-revelation that so often comes with D/s can make you go a
bit nuts if you have no outside support. That support can take many forms:
Participation in a kink community can be incredibly helpful — it can provide relationship models for you to look at and learn from or discard as needed. Even if everyone around you does their kink differently than you do, that can help you better understand who you are (and are not) and what you’re doing (and not doing).
Reading, workshops, discussion groups, and
any number of other educational resources can similarly give you ideas to chew
on, frameworks that may or may not work for you, and language to help you
understand and express what you’re getting up to.
And last
but not least, friends you can talk to about D/s. Non-kinky (but kink-friendly)
friends are a great start, because the kind of challenges that come up in D/s
are often similar to those in any other relationship. But frequently enough,
D/s relationship issues will also have a character all their own, and even the
most open-minded or well-intentioned vanilla friend may have a hard time truly
getting it. It can be extremely helpful to build friendships with fellow D/s
practitioners so you can offer each other a supportive shoulder when needed.
Hint: Don’t wait until you need help… start building those friendships right
away, and make sure you offer your own listening ear.
A brief
caution: a classic warning sign that a D/s relationship is not so healthy is
when one of the partners tells the other not to talk about it with anyone else,
or not to participate in community. Of course you want to maintain basic
respect for each other and your relationship – airing your dirty laundry for
all to see, or trashing your partner loudly at a play party, is just not
classy. But having one or two trusted friends to turn to in times of trouble
can be essential and a wise dominant will encourage the submissive to seek out
support rather than discouraging it.
Patience
takes a long time to build in great depth, and often is the Dominant’s job is
to hold back, not to rush forward. Taking on responsibility for another human
being in a polarized power situation is simply not something that’s wise to do
quickly or carelessly. Take your time. Learn what you need to learn about
yourself, about them, about how to do this well and feel good about it. Don’t
extend past your own limits because you feel pressure to do it all
right-now-tout-de-suite. I do say that it’s often the dominant’s job to hold
back, because sometimes a submissive can be gung-ho and champing at the bit
while their dominant is feeling overwhelmed and struggling to hold tight.
Lastly, it
takes continued work, communication, and an open willingness to continuously
adapt to make a long lasting and loving D/s relationship work and grow stronger. We choose to be open to everyone about the fact we live a 24/7 BDSM or D/s lifestyle. It makes it much easier on us. Many of our vanilla friends do not understand and others have simply stopped talking to us. We are ok with that. Because for us, we are most happy being ourselves and being open with who we are. But, it is up to you and your partner to determine how much you let your vanilla friends know.
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Ok, I don't normally post stuff like this, but a funny poem came to me when I was listening to a Dolemite sound-byte on Youtube.
Hope you laugh and enjoy!
Hope you laugh and enjoy!
Dominant, submissive, slave, or
switch,
We all just a kinky son of a bitch….
Whips and chains, crops and hands
too,
Gonna whip that ass, til it turns blue…
Leather and Latex and collars galore,
Got grown ass men kneeling on the
floor…
People in chains or tied with some
rope,
Somebody just bent over and got a pussy
grope…
Swings, crosses, stocks and tables,
People using all kinds of props if
they able…
What is this thing called that we
don’t practice just on a whim?
It’s safe, sane and consensual... BDSM.
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The light in your eyes always shines
so bright,
Even during the darkest part of the
night.
The light in your heart is always
burning bright for me,
The light in your soul warms me up
in ways I never knew could be.
The warmth of your arms keep me
snuggled close and safe,
The heat of your breath on my neck
reminds me, I'm protected in your warm embrace.
The warmth of your heart is all I
will ever need,
That warmth that makes me crave to
always follow your lead.
That smile that you send my way when
you think I'm not aware,
Shows me how deeply you love me and
how much you really care.
That laugh that is so full and loud
and used to be so rare,
Oh how I love hearing you laugh so
robust with no cares!
Though teasing and jokes and
playfulness are plentiful,
You become my rock when I’m sick and
treat me so careful.
You caresses my head and worry when
I'm not well
You hold me tight and tell me not to
dwell.
The love I see from those gorgeous
green eyes,
The love we share, that anyone
looking spies.
All of these things make you so
wonderful and dear
And I will forever hold you close
and keep you near.
You are buried deep inside my heart
and deep inside my soul, I will never again be empty nor ever feel old.
The kind of love I carry for you,
makes me feel forever young, As the hands of time tick by, my soul will
remember the song it sung.
My love is lasting, it is forever
and it is true.
It's that once in a lifetime love,
that always shines through.
Through distance or separation,
truly through anything that may be.
My love for you will never falter,
for my love and soul is yours for eternity.
by Michelle Fegatofi
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Many people today meet online, vanilla and BDSMers alike. On the internet, you tend to feel safer and more comfortable when chatting with different people you might be interested in. Sometimes we forget about safety, however. Today's post stress that importance and gives you some tips to think about before setting up that first meeting. If you have any more tips to share, please do!
In BDSM like in anything else in real life, there are people that are in the lifestyle for the wrong reasons. For those of us in the Lifestyle, trust cannot be bought with money. The only way build trust is through discussion, negotiation and time. If a partner wants money or expensive gifts up front, beware! If you want to pay for services (being dominated or Dominating), go see a professional Dominant. Do not discuss any financial matters until you have established trust and a solid relationship. If you find a good partner, and you build trust between you, make it a pleasant surprise that you are wealthy. If you flash your money before you build that trust, you will find a partner, but he or she may be with you for the wrong reasons.
- Michelle Fegatofi
In BDSM like in anything else in real life, there are people that are in the lifestyle for the wrong reasons. For those of us in the Lifestyle, trust cannot be bought with money. The only way build trust is through discussion, negotiation and time. If a partner wants money or expensive gifts up front, beware! If you want to pay for services (being dominated or Dominating), go see a professional Dominant. Do not discuss any financial matters until you have established trust and a solid relationship. If you find a good partner, and you build trust between you, make it a pleasant surprise that you are wealthy. If you flash your money before you build that trust, you will find a partner, but he or she may be with you for the wrong reasons.
The biggest
danger is physical harm and/or death. Not everyone is out to hurt and kill
people, but some people are. Most meetings go very well, but the dangers are
very real. Submissive women are often seen as easy prey because their
submissive nature can be manipulated to allow for abuse by someone who knows
how. Physical vulnerability can be easily utilized by an unscrupulous person
and either permanently physically harm you, or outright kill you. Make sure you have gotten references about the
person you are meeting and checked them BEFORE you meet.
Don't
ignore basic safety measures. There are people out there who are simply
predators, and the person you are meeting may be wonderful online and the
phone, but admit you don't really know him, and protect yourself until you do. Never
divert from your planned itinerary on a first meeting. You planned that
schedule so people could find you...if you leave it, they can't. Stay where you
said you would be, when you set up your security, and resist, to the point of
running away, any attempt by your partner to take you away.
Inform a
close friend of where you will be and with whom. Give your friend a good
description of the person you are meeting in case this is needed by authorities
later. Give them the make, model and license plate number of car the person you
are meeting will be driving. Leave a copy of this information out in a very
visible area in your home as well, just in case it is needed by authorities
later.
Set up safe
calls with your friend. These are set times that you are supposed to call your
friend and let them know that you are all right. If you miss your set time to
call, the safe person should attempt to reach you, if they cannot, then they
should be instructed to call the authorities. This goes for both doms and subs.
Numerous
articles have been written about this where to meet. Every single article will
stress the importance of safety. The choice of the place to meet should be during
daylight hours in a public venue, where both people feel safe and at ease. Choose
a restaurant or a coffee shop. You will be able to have some kind of privacy
sitting at a table while you still are among people. If you choose a
restaurant, make it not too expensive, but again, avoid greasy spoon places or
restaurant chains (too many kids and commotion for a good discussion). A quiet,
not too expensive place should do.
DO NOT
PLAY! On the first real life meeting, you want to take the time to get to know
your potential partner. Playing will only satisfy a sexual urge and may cloud
your judgment. Realistically, many people do play on the first meeting. It is
similar to the "one night stand" of vanilla relationships. Some
people are only looking for a one night stand and not a committed relationship.
Be sure that your desires for the relationship match your prospective partners.
If play is a possibility, a play list or scene negotiation form should be used.
Remember, most meetings go very well, but there
have been some incidences where the meetings did not go well and someone got
hurt and/or killed. You are solely responsible for your own safety in these
situations. Use common sense and you will find meeting people to be a more
pleasurable experience.
- Michelle Fegatofi
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Original Submissive Prayer by Michelle Fegatofi
I give You my body, to do with what You may
I give you my mind, that will always do as You say.
I give you my trust, to keep me protected from all
I give you my heart, to keep and surround if I ever fall.
I promise you my loyalty, I will never stray from your side
I promise you my honesty, Nothing from you will I ever hide.
I give you my soul, for only you can make me fly higher
I give you my freedom, to keep chained as long as you desire.
I give you me, All that I am, All that I will ever be.
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I was
inspired to write something that describes how my Padrone (Master) makes
me feel. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Share
if you like!
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This is a piece I wrote on my Facebook page about three months ago.
I have had a lot of questions lately about the hard parts and sexual parts of BDSM. So, I decided to expand this article in hopes to help enlighten the new people that either don't know about the softer side of BDSM or might not understand it. Feel free to leave your thoughts on the subject.
In
mainstream society, a teddy bear is used for comfort. We sleep with them,
cuddle them, and when we were kids, felt like we were safe at night, because
Teddy was watching over us. When you look at this picture, you might think "that's cute" or "what does a teddy bear have to do with BDSM?". I see a pictorial view of a different side of the
Lifestyle, a view that represents the mental and emotional connection of D/s.
BDSM is
most often portrayed in a very harsh and almost sinister way in pictures and videos of women in bondage, gagged and being flogged or whipped. With these kinds of images as the results from internet searches, it's no wonder that many people think bad about the Lifestyle.
Mainstream media never focuses on the softer side of BDSM. They don't understand and can't relate to the feelings a Dom and slave/sub have for one another. They will never understand or focus on how the Dom takes care of and protects His/Her sub. They will never know, write about, or show a Dom cuddling his sub after a scene or after making love. They won't show the adoration, love, and complete devotion a sub/slave feels for the Dominant. If they showed that, well, BDSM might become more acceptable to 'Vanilla People' (horror of horrors).
There are many erotica books for sale now, such as the 50 Shades Trilogy, that are based on the writer's perspective of BDSM. People buy these books/eBooks by the 100's and get only the view of BDSM is nothing but sex, bondage, and punishments. These are all based on fantasy and not reality. There are so many ways to have a BDSM based relationship, I encourage you to read and research real BDSM blogs and books on the subject and not base what you think you may know about BDSM on the erotica, fantasy books.
As a community, we all have our fetishes, kinks, and preferred method of practicing BDSM. Most images I find depict the sub/slave bound, restrained and gagged or being flogged. These images are beautiful and I admit I have a fetish for a woman in collar and leash myself. But, I have never come across a picture that, to me, does such an awesome job of interpreting the softer, non-sexual part of BDSM.
I love the sex portion, but nothing can compare with the feelings of love, devotion, service, protection, structure, guidance and acceptance I get from my Padrone, being His live-in, real life, 24/7 slave.
Share your
thoughts if you wish!
Michelle Fegatofi
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If
you are exploring BDSM on the Internet, chances are at some point, you
will be drawn into the world of message boards, chat rooms, and online
D/s. Online D/s is perhaps one of the most controversial subjects in the
Dominance and submission community.
As in any vanilla relationship, a cyber BDSM LDR requires commitment, honesty and time from all participants. It requires an active imagination
As in any vanilla relationship, a cyber BDSM LDR requires commitment, honesty and time from all participants. It requires an active imagination
and
a bit of extra work to keep the power exchange that a BDSM relationship
requires, in place. The Dominant can maintain that feeling of
submission in his submissive using daily rituals, rules and by assigning
tasks. The submissive can do their part to keep the power exchange
healthy through dedication and obedience. Imagination, creativity and
attention become extremely important here. A dominant who neglects the
submissive because they are LDR, will soon find himself without a
submissive. The same goes for the submissive.
Why choose a BDSM LDR? Many of enter online relationships because they are in a community with a small to no D/s presence. Others do so because they are in real life relationships with a vanilla partner that has no inclination of wanting to explore BDSM in any shape or form. As long as the Dominant or submissive is fully honest with all of their partners, these types of relationships can be quite successful. Some use an online D/s relationship to learn more about Dominance and submission, to see if it’s something that they may be interested in for a real time experience.
A cyber relationship, in my experience, can indeed be very real. I base this on personal experience as well as knowledge of other people in relationships of that nature. The mind is the largest sexual organ in humans. Cyber interactions deal directly with the mind. Because of this, one can create a mental and emotional bond much faster online.
It also offers a sense of anonymity that allows people to open up faster and deeper than they would in a face to face conversation. This enhances the feeling of emotional closeness to the person you are interacting with and strengthens the mental bond. This bond is very real to the one who feels it. A relationship is highly individual. Being yourself and not creating all of these fake worlds and backgrounds is an absolute necessity to make a cyber BDSM LDR work. If you have little or no experience in parts of BDSM in reality, then it is most difficult to discuss how you might react to something. This should be made known to your partner. By hiding your lack of experience, you set yourself and your partner up for some serious hurt.
It is easy to get lost in the fantasy part of cyber BDSM. It is also dangerous to believe that everything that happens during cyber sex or scenes, are an exact replica of what would happen in real life. Just because you kneel in cyber, does not mean you can do it in reality. Or just because you can type that you flogged someone, doesn't mean you have the experience or knowledge to actually do so in real life. It is important to keep the fantasy part of cyber interactions separated from the reality part.
With a little effort and lots of honesty and commitment and cyber BDSM relationship can be rewarding and enjoyable for those involved. Keep it real and those rewards and enjoyment become even greater.
Michelle Fegatofi
Why choose a BDSM LDR? Many of enter online relationships because they are in a community with a small to no D/s presence. Others do so because they are in real life relationships with a vanilla partner that has no inclination of wanting to explore BDSM in any shape or form. As long as the Dominant or submissive is fully honest with all of their partners, these types of relationships can be quite successful. Some use an online D/s relationship to learn more about Dominance and submission, to see if it’s something that they may be interested in for a real time experience.
A cyber relationship, in my experience, can indeed be very real. I base this on personal experience as well as knowledge of other people in relationships of that nature. The mind is the largest sexual organ in humans. Cyber interactions deal directly with the mind. Because of this, one can create a mental and emotional bond much faster online.
It also offers a sense of anonymity that allows people to open up faster and deeper than they would in a face to face conversation. This enhances the feeling of emotional closeness to the person you are interacting with and strengthens the mental bond. This bond is very real to the one who feels it. A relationship is highly individual. Being yourself and not creating all of these fake worlds and backgrounds is an absolute necessity to make a cyber BDSM LDR work. If you have little or no experience in parts of BDSM in reality, then it is most difficult to discuss how you might react to something. This should be made known to your partner. By hiding your lack of experience, you set yourself and your partner up for some serious hurt.
It is easy to get lost in the fantasy part of cyber BDSM. It is also dangerous to believe that everything that happens during cyber sex or scenes, are an exact replica of what would happen in real life. Just because you kneel in cyber, does not mean you can do it in reality. Or just because you can type that you flogged someone, doesn't mean you have the experience or knowledge to actually do so in real life. It is important to keep the fantasy part of cyber interactions separated from the reality part.
With a little effort and lots of honesty and commitment and cyber BDSM relationship can be rewarding and enjoyable for those involved. Keep it real and those rewards and enjoyment become even greater.
Michelle Fegatofi
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