I’m sitting here trying to think about how to word what’s on my mind. Sometimes it’s harder to write down what you’re thinking versus just outright saying it. Hopefully it won’t be a rambling mess.
I haven’t written many blog posts this year related to the BDSM Lifestyle because I’ve been so concentrated on other outside things. I decided in January to try to get my out of control health problems in hand, by making a radical diet change as well as adding daily exercise to my life. In the beginning, it took every part of my mind, body, and soul to stay with the new course I set for myself. I was very lucky that Padrone was very supportive of my decisions, even though he didn’t join me at that time.
As the weeks went on, I was losing weight but also feeling much stronger, more energetic, and overall better. At the beginning of March, Padrone was rushed to the Emergency Room with multiple health issues. He ended up staying there for 8 days and was off work for another 2 weeks for recovery. He was forced to stop smoking cold turkey after 45 or more years of constantly lighting up. He had to start adding in exercise as well as change his own diet. Luckily for me, I had been doing this already for several weeks prior, so I was able to help him in making the right food choices and encouraging him to exercise.
Now, here we are 2 months later and both of us have been focused on improving our health and getting stronger. We are in a very unique but also extremely supportive situation, since we both had to change our lifestyle to being more active and choosing better food. We are able to sympathize with the other when one of us is craving something we can’t have now.
This leads me to our BDSM dynamic. I’ve received many messages over the years asking for advice because it seems like their dynamic fizzled out or went quasi-vanilla. What people don’t understand is that just like a normal vanilla relationship, BDSM relationships evolve and change along the way also, because people are always changing.
In our case, while we’ve always maintained our dynamic to a certain degree, in the past year, it had not been as intense as it had been in years past. Outside influences, such as work, mental and physical health, and basic everyday obligations, contributed to that. We actually didn’t even really notice the changes, because we were both not feeling as well as we should have been because of health issues.
Now that we’ve both lost weight, changed our eating habits, and become more active, I’ve noticed a change back to a more intense M/s dynamic, similar to what it was in the beginning of our relationship. Obviously, after 7 years together, we know almost everything about the other one. I don’t think either of us has anything new left to discover. So, even though the shiny new feeling has worn to a comfortable place now, that intense attraction to the other, mentally/physically/emotionally, has never gone away.
As we age, our bodies and minds prioritize things differently. We crave touch still, but it doesn’t consume our every waking thought like it may have 20 years ago. We focus more on the mental and emotional well being as well as the health of our partner. With time, we have been blessed with the fact that we’ve grown even closer together instead of more apart, like you see happen with many couples these days.
Now you see why I haven’t written a BDSM related blog post in a while. We’ve just had our concentration turned inwards towards improving ourselves. Now, that we are both on the right track, I am hoping to be more active in the online communities as well as blogging more.
So, if there are any topics that you can’t find in my blog history and want me to write about, please send me your suggestions!
I haven’t written many blog posts this year related to the BDSM Lifestyle because I’ve been so concentrated on other outside things. I decided in January to try to get my out of control health problems in hand, by making a radical diet change as well as adding daily exercise to my life. In the beginning, it took every part of my mind, body, and soul to stay with the new course I set for myself. I was very lucky that Padrone was very supportive of my decisions, even though he didn’t join me at that time.
As the weeks went on, I was losing weight but also feeling much stronger, more energetic, and overall better. At the beginning of March, Padrone was rushed to the Emergency Room with multiple health issues. He ended up staying there for 8 days and was off work for another 2 weeks for recovery. He was forced to stop smoking cold turkey after 45 or more years of constantly lighting up. He had to start adding in exercise as well as change his own diet. Luckily for me, I had been doing this already for several weeks prior, so I was able to help him in making the right food choices and encouraging him to exercise.
Now, here we are 2 months later and both of us have been focused on improving our health and getting stronger. We are in a very unique but also extremely supportive situation, since we both had to change our lifestyle to being more active and choosing better food. We are able to sympathize with the other when one of us is craving something we can’t have now.
This leads me to our BDSM dynamic. I’ve received many messages over the years asking for advice because it seems like their dynamic fizzled out or went quasi-vanilla. What people don’t understand is that just like a normal vanilla relationship, BDSM relationships evolve and change along the way also, because people are always changing.
In our case, while we’ve always maintained our dynamic to a certain degree, in the past year, it had not been as intense as it had been in years past. Outside influences, such as work, mental and physical health, and basic everyday obligations, contributed to that. We actually didn’t even really notice the changes, because we were both not feeling as well as we should have been because of health issues.
Now that we’ve both lost weight, changed our eating habits, and become more active, I’ve noticed a change back to a more intense M/s dynamic, similar to what it was in the beginning of our relationship. Obviously, after 7 years together, we know almost everything about the other one. I don’t think either of us has anything new left to discover. So, even though the shiny new feeling has worn to a comfortable place now, that intense attraction to the other, mentally/physically/emotionally, has never gone away.
As we age, our bodies and minds prioritize things differently. We crave touch still, but it doesn’t consume our every waking thought like it may have 20 years ago. We focus more on the mental and emotional well being as well as the health of our partner. With time, we have been blessed with the fact that we’ve grown even closer together instead of more apart, like you see happen with many couples these days.
Now you see why I haven’t written a BDSM related blog post in a while. We’ve just had our concentration turned inwards towards improving ourselves. Now, that we are both on the right track, I am hoping to be more active in the online communities as well as blogging more.
So, if there are any topics that you can’t find in my blog history and want me to write about, please send me your suggestions!
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Aging is a natural process that every human, no matter their lifestyle choice, goes through.
With age comes life experience, but also health issues, hormone changes, and most likely a decreased sex drive. Can you still practice a BDSM lifestyle as you grow older? That answer is yes. You just have to be imaginative and flexible.
As we age, our bodies naturally begin go slow down and change. The affects of aging are different for everyone, of course. If you had sex three times a day at 40, you might only have it once a day at 50 and once a week at 60. It all depends on your own body, health, hormones, and sex drive.
With age comes life experience, but also health issues, hormone changes, and most likely a decreased sex drive. Can you still practice a BDSM lifestyle as you grow older? That answer is yes. You just have to be imaginative and flexible.
As we age, our bodies naturally begin go slow down and change. The affects of aging are different for everyone, of course. If you had sex three times a day at 40, you might only have it once a day at 50 and once a week at 60. It all depends on your own body, health, hormones, and sex drive.
According to a study by the University of Chicago, more than three-quarters of American men and half of women aged 75 to 85 are still interested in sex. But culturally, we don’t see this. Dr. Queen has two theories. “There had been an underlying bias in our culture that sex really is, at bottom, for reproduction. That’s one of the things that continues to power homophobia too. After one is out of one’s reproductive years, the notion of sex becomes unseemly and even unacceptable to many. The other thing, I think, is that there is societal pressure on us to fear aging, and seeing evidence of older people’s sexuality brings up our difficult feelings about getting older, our own body image fears, fears of mortality.”
Aging is different in BDSM Relationships because our sexual play often includes implements which can, if incorrectly or badly used, injure one or both parties. As we age along with our partners in a BDSM Relationship, each of us may have to deal with a disability, or, as I prefer to call them, different abilities.
According to sexologist, Dr. Carol Queen, there are precautions that come with age. “Some sorts of BDSM are the erotic version of high-impact sports, a person of any age must take their health and body resilience into account” she explains “Some things to pay attention to with an older partner, is whether the skin is thinning and how their joints are doing. They’ll want to make sure they can communicate about health issues to partners.”
Hearing Loss
You probably would rather not have a Dominant flicking a single tail whip if he can't see well, but there are other play techniques that can be just as exciting, and much safer! A suggestion is to set up the scene very carefully and to do only BDSM play that is more body-to-body contact, such as over the knee (OTK) spanking with his hand or an implement such as a paddle with a short, manageable handle. This precludes the danger of a whip or other implement striking an area that could cause the bottom (receiver) injury or damage. Aging in a BDSM Relationship can help you be creative about working out the 'kinks' - be creative with your partner.
Muscle and Joint Pain and Flexibility
Strategically placed pillows are wonderful for achy knees. Changing position often helps keep muscles from freezing into painful, uncomfortable, rock-hard blobs. One of the most wonderful things about being with a partner for a long time, and knowing each other, is communication skills are often developed along the way. Tell your partner, "Uh, this is so not working for me!" and work together to find what does work. The truth is, many of us are happily aging in our BDSM relationships, with our aging partners, and as happily aging women or men, we have aches and pains, and, most of us can't bend in those low scraping bows, with even a modicum of grace anymore.
Aging is different in BDSM Relationships because our sexual play often includes implements which can, if incorrectly or badly used, injure one or both parties. As we age along with our partners in a BDSM Relationship, each of us may have to deal with a disability, or, as I prefer to call them, different abilities.
According to sexologist, Dr. Carol Queen, there are precautions that come with age. “Some sorts of BDSM are the erotic version of high-impact sports, a person of any age must take their health and body resilience into account” she explains “Some things to pay attention to with an older partner, is whether the skin is thinning and how their joints are doing. They’ll want to make sure they can communicate about health issues to partners.”
Hearing Loss
For some people, a crowded and noisy club, where quite often loud music and other kinky players make for difficult conversation anyway, make it very difficult to hear. This is the perfect place to practice non-verbal communication. Talk with her before the scene begins, to set up hand signals or other methods of letting you know that she wants to end the session, or that she needs to run to the bathroom. This will help you ensure you and your partner are on the same level and that there are less chances of something going wrong.
Eyesight Loss
You probably would rather not have a Dominant flicking a single tail whip if he can't see well, but there are other play techniques that can be just as exciting, and much safer! A suggestion is to set up the scene very carefully and to do only BDSM play that is more body-to-body contact, such as over the knee (OTK) spanking with his hand or an implement such as a paddle with a short, manageable handle. This precludes the danger of a whip or other implement striking an area that could cause the bottom (receiver) injury or damage. Aging in a BDSM Relationship can help you be creative about working out the 'kinks' - be creative with your partner.
Muscle and Joint Pain and Flexibility
Bottom line, there are many ways you can still enjoy an active BDSM sexual lifestyle, you just need to make adjustments for your own health limits/situation.
As our collective lifespans continue to increase, that stretch between 65 and 80 is no longer the last phase of life. It’s a new section of life, one that we've never had before.
Comments or Questions? Let me hear your thoughts!
Comments or Questions? Let me hear your thoughts!
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