As an American coming to Italy to be a 24/7 slave for Padrone Marco 2 years and 3 months ago, I have learned, grown and changed a lot.
Being a BDSM submissive was not new to me, but being a 24/7 slave to an Italian Master was. Of course, we grew close by learning about each other and falling in love despite the ocean between us. We both loved the other enough to make the transition from online to reality after only 5 months of being together.
We first met online on FB as friends. At that time, I belonged to a different online Dominant but was having a lot of trouble with that relationship. Whenever I popped up in chat to ask advice, Padrone always gave it from a neutral stance. Our relationship grew, I became an unowned sub, and he eventually asked me to be his online slave. There were 9 hours difference between us. Luckily, he worked nights so that allowed us to have running conversations all day via Yahoo or FB messaging.
I lived in California and he in Tuscany, Italy. We established rules, guidelines, rituals, protocols and punishments that fit our real life situations as well as our personalities. He always wanted a detailed account of my daily travels, dealings, feelings, and anything else I needed to talk to him about. He gave me advice and guided me from his heart and his own life experiences.
In a short time, he decided to visit me in California during his yearly hiatus in the month of August. This is where I have to tell you a little about my real life situation at that time.
I had been married for 17 years to a very uptight, mentally abusive, very controlling man. We had 2 children. After I had our second child, he made me quit my job and stay at home to take care of the kids. He had control of every aspect of our lives, from bank accounts and everything financial to grocery shopping and bill paying.
Anytime I asked about anything financial, I would get yelled at and mentally and verbally abused. In late 2007, I decided I had enough and started to look for a job that would allow me to leave him with my children. I couldn't get a job because nobody was hiring. That year was the start of a huge decline in California due to the bursting of the housing financial bubble. So, I was stuck. My mental and physical health began declining because the situation was so bad. I tried to hide everything from my kids by pretending to be happy. I got so good at hiding myself that my friends and family never knew the true extent of my situation until after I moved to Italy.
For 4 years, I hid. I felt like I was living in a movie because the reality was too bad to deal with. My real life husband lived his life and I lived mine. I found mental escape in books and by participating in online BDSM groups. I became a mentor and adviser to many newbies because of my previous experiences and training. Of course, I still did all of the mom things in real life, but towards the end, that too started suffering.
Now, picking up where I left off. I had been in a serious, online relationship with Padrone for about 4 months when I started finding out about my husband's criminal activities. He had been taking money from people for construction jobs and not completing them. He had also been taking large amounts of money from investors to build houses in other states but they never got built. When I confronted him about it, he became enraged and half destroyed the home office.
I told Padrone about it and he gave me advice on how to handle it. He was the only person in the world that knew the entire situation and the only one that helped me keep my sanity in check. He was the only one that knew the REAL me. I had nobody else that I could trust. My patience with everything was very short and even my relationship with my kids started suffering.
(for "The Real Me" listen from 2:10)
There is much more to come of our story and I will post the second part soon. Make sure you stay connected to see the next part!
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Have you had one of those days in which it seems that absolutely everything goes wrong? Well, join the club, because it has happened to me today!
The problem with me having one of these days is that I get so frustrated that I could seize or develop worse side effects from my epilepsy. I have very little or no patience with many things. That is one thing that I am learning, but have a long way to go. I know its not a good trait in a submissive/slave, let alone someone with epilepsy.
The first thing that went wrong is not being able to find a good, but free, offline Italian to English Dictionary that can be used on the Android platform base. After many hours of searching, I have concluded that it does not exist. Every one that I have found either require an internet connection or you have to buy them. Why not put a really good one out there for free? You would think that there would be hundreds out there because so many people are always looking for translations in the global market. Most translation freeware is completely online or uses cloud computing. Granted, its a fast, easy and probably cheaper way of doing things, but still frustrating for someone like me that likes to utilize current technology, but has no access where the classes are taking place. I have not given up searching, but have put it aside for tonight.
The other thing that made me aggravated is that apparently, someone over on Google has a jealous streak because they are following me around in groups and spamming my links. Yes, you heard me! I have had a couple of the moderators from the communities tell me they have no clue who did it, but are looking into it. They un-spam my links and all is well. But is it still frustrating.
After being frustrated with not finding the dictionary, and then finding out about the spam posts on Google, I feel as if most of my evening was wasted. I know it wasn't because I did get a lot of other stuff accomplished. But, (really huge sigh at this spot) its still frustrating.
Luckily for me, I have a very close and important person in my life that tells me to calm down, take a deep breath, and step away from the problem and look at again later. Padrone's advice is always spot on and I always take it. That's why I am here and not throwing computers or tablets out of a third story window. Just kidding! I would never do that. But, it was so tempting!
I do have a point to all this ranting. Number One, it really does no good for people to get so frustrated and worked up on something that you can't either change or acquire right then and there. Many of us, as very busy adults in today's world, are constantly in such a state and may not realize it. I know I have met or encountered many people that are what most would term an asshole. But, if you take a step back and look at that person, and ask him, what's up, he might tell you all the frustrations he has encountered that have put him in that state.
Take a deep breath and look around you. See how you affect people and how you are being affected yourself. It's not good for your mental or physical health to get so worked up. Trust me when I say I know from personal experience! I know it's really hard to take yourself out of some situations that seems to have no ending in sight. But remember, there is always an ending and a new beginning. There always will be until the sun no longer rises or sets.
My second point is that while we take life seriously, we do need to stop and appreciate our surroundings. Be thankful for who is in your life and the fact that you do wake up every day. I am. Yes, I have issues with health, frustrations in life, disappointments and hurts,but I also have a deep unconditional love for Padrone that is returned just as much. I am making new friends and learning new things. I am doing stuff that I never thought I could do. Life is an adventure and even with downs, there are so many more ups. You just have to look and you will find them.
So my point is just simple. Let the frustrations go. Don't get all worked up over stuff you have no possibility of changing. Put aside the anger and stress until another day. I know that isn't possible for all situations, but when it is, take the option. It will do you and your health a world of good.
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