Welcome back to BDSM Unveiled's Talk Tuesday! This week I chose a variety of questions I hope you find interesting and informative. This week's topics cover 'Breakup due to Falling in love', 'Properly addressing Dominants', and 'Renewing Old D/s Contracts'.
Question #1) "My Dominant doesn't believe in having submissives that he loves. I told him that I was falling in love with him and wished to take our relationship to the next level. He promptly released me and said while saying he wasn't in love with me and never would fall for any of his subs in that way. I am now broken and don't know where to turn or what to do next. Any advice or directions you can provide will help."
First I am very sorry to hear this and I hope you have a support system to help you get through this. Breakups are never easy and it can be especially hard when in a D/s relationship. Since I don't know if you had a contract or if he was upfront with you about the consequences of developing feelings for him, I won't try to elaborate on that point. What I will tell you is this: you have to allow yourself time to cry and grieve the loss of your dominant. You need to take time for yourself and cry, eat ice cream, scream in your pillow, curse his name and say every mean nasty thing about him you ever wanted to your stuffed animal, pout and wallow in sorrow right now because that is the first step to healing. After a week or two goes by, you have to make yourself start living again, little by little. Spend time with your friends. Take walks outside for a few minutes by yourself to just enjoy nature. Take this time to look deep inside yourself and get to know you again. And do not rush into another relationship or look for another one for at least 6 months. The reason I say 6 months is because that is normally the least amount of time people need to completely get over their previous relationship. I hope this helps. If you want to talk further or need a shoulder, you can always email me.
Question #2) "I have been around the Lifestyle now for a few months and have noticed that online, many so-called dominants demand every sub call them Sir. I have actually been kicked out of a couple of groups because I called the dominant that ran the group by his first name. I was led to believe that you don't call anyone Sir unless they are your own Dominant. Am I right or wrong? Thanks."
I personally do not call anyone other than my own Master (Padrone) by any title unless my own Padrone tells me to. I call them by their first name and that is it. In real life BDSM circles, if you call someone that is not your dominant by Sir, they will most likely look at you strangely or tell you to not address them as such because it is not proper. The lesson I usually try impart to new people in the lifestyle is that if a Dominant has to demand you call them Sir/Madam etc..., they are most likely not real dominants and are fakes or even abusers. Real dominants do not demand respect, they earn it overtime and are given it naturally.
Question #3) "I have a contract with my Dominant and it is 3 years old. Our relationship has changed since we wrote and signed it. I asked my Dominant if we can write a new one to make sure that we are both on the same page with terms/rules/regulations/punishments/protocols. He said the old one was just fine and we should know by now what to expect in every situation from the other one. I don't agree with this and really would feel better if we wrote an updated contract. How can I get him to agree to this without stepping out of my submissive boundaries and seeming pushy?"
I spoke with my Padrone (Dominant/Master) about this situation and he and I both do not understand what the problem is with updating the existing contract to reflect your relationship as it is now. If your dominant does not want to update the contract after you have sat down and explained to him your own reasons for wanting to, then there seems to be some other underlying problems that you might need to dig into deeper. I would suggest broaching the subject one more time being a little more assertive than you were last time, but still respecting your dynamic. If he still does not want to redo the contract, write it up yourself and present him with it. Ask him to read and sign it. If he still refuses, then you have to decide for yourself what your next step will be.
I hope you enjoyed this installment of Talk Tuesday. If you want to participate in the conversation further, please leave a comment below.
Question #1) "My Dominant doesn't believe in having submissives that he loves. I told him that I was falling in love with him and wished to take our relationship to the next level. He promptly released me and said while saying he wasn't in love with me and never would fall for any of his subs in that way. I am now broken and don't know where to turn or what to do next. Any advice or directions you can provide will help."
First I am very sorry to hear this and I hope you have a support system to help you get through this. Breakups are never easy and it can be especially hard when in a D/s relationship. Since I don't know if you had a contract or if he was upfront with you about the consequences of developing feelings for him, I won't try to elaborate on that point. What I will tell you is this: you have to allow yourself time to cry and grieve the loss of your dominant. You need to take time for yourself and cry, eat ice cream, scream in your pillow, curse his name and say every mean nasty thing about him you ever wanted to your stuffed animal, pout and wallow in sorrow right now because that is the first step to healing. After a week or two goes by, you have to make yourself start living again, little by little. Spend time with your friends. Take walks outside for a few minutes by yourself to just enjoy nature. Take this time to look deep inside yourself and get to know you again. And do not rush into another relationship or look for another one for at least 6 months. The reason I say 6 months is because that is normally the least amount of time people need to completely get over their previous relationship. I hope this helps. If you want to talk further or need a shoulder, you can always email me.
Question #2) "I have been around the Lifestyle now for a few months and have noticed that online, many so-called dominants demand every sub call them Sir. I have actually been kicked out of a couple of groups because I called the dominant that ran the group by his first name. I was led to believe that you don't call anyone Sir unless they are your own Dominant. Am I right or wrong? Thanks."
I personally do not call anyone other than my own Master (Padrone) by any title unless my own Padrone tells me to. I call them by their first name and that is it. In real life BDSM circles, if you call someone that is not your dominant by Sir, they will most likely look at you strangely or tell you to not address them as such because it is not proper. The lesson I usually try impart to new people in the lifestyle is that if a Dominant has to demand you call them Sir/Madam etc..., they are most likely not real dominants and are fakes or even abusers. Real dominants do not demand respect, they earn it overtime and are given it naturally.
Question #3) "I have a contract with my Dominant and it is 3 years old. Our relationship has changed since we wrote and signed it. I asked my Dominant if we can write a new one to make sure that we are both on the same page with terms/rules/regulations/punishments/protocols. He said the old one was just fine and we should know by now what to expect in every situation from the other one. I don't agree with this and really would feel better if we wrote an updated contract. How can I get him to agree to this without stepping out of my submissive boundaries and seeming pushy?"
I spoke with my Padrone (Dominant/Master) about this situation and he and I both do not understand what the problem is with updating the existing contract to reflect your relationship as it is now. If your dominant does not want to update the contract after you have sat down and explained to him your own reasons for wanting to, then there seems to be some other underlying problems that you might need to dig into deeper. I would suggest broaching the subject one more time being a little more assertive than you were last time, but still respecting your dynamic. If he still does not want to redo the contract, write it up yourself and present him with it. Ask him to read and sign it. If he still refuses, then you have to decide for yourself what your next step will be.
I hope you enjoyed this installment of Talk Tuesday. If you want to participate in the conversation further, please leave a comment below.
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In life we choose to walk different paths.
We might make a decision that takes us in a direction we never expected or we might make a wrong choice that leads us to a life we never wanted. But, you have to have the courage to choose a path, to make a choice. In life, it can be very scary to choose a path you've never walked before, do things that you've never done before, because you don't know the outcome. That is one of the things that makes life so wonderful to live. You never know what is around the next corner.
The journey into BDSM is very similar. There are many different styles, different forms and levels of submission, and different ways you can be dominate. One of the best things of this lifestyle is that it is ever-evolving. It's your own journey; one that you have to forge on your own or in conjunction with your partner. Once you have the basic knowledge, the possibilities are endless.
My blog, bdsmunveiled.com and many others similar to it, can guide you in different forms of the Lifestyle and inform you of how we, the writers of the blogs, live the lifestyle ourselves. We can educate you on types of play, different dynamics in relationships, toys, protocols, and many other subjects related to BDSM. It is ultimately up to the Dominate and submissive/slave to decide the dynamics, boundaries, rules and regulations of their own relationship.
The one thing you have to remember is you cannot be afraid of change. As with most things in life, relationships in BDSM can change and evolve, and hopefully yours will also. The more you learn and explore, the closer you will become to your partner and the further into submission you can get.
Some of the changes a person can go though from a loving BDSM M/s or D/s relationship is amazing. Readers have sent emails to me telling me about their own illnesses that have gotten better from living a 24/7 BDSM relationship. My own epilepsy has gotten much better over the past two years that I have been a 24/7 slave. With the right combination of rules, guidelines, and structure, it has allowed me to focus on my writing as well as to be delve deep into submission to my Padrone.
My own relationship with Padrone is ever evolving also. The longer we are together, we have grown closer. We have learned more about each other, our strengths and weaknesses, likes, morals, etc. which has allowed our own M/s relationship to deepen to a profound level.
There are items in every relationship that are steady and constant, but there are other items that are either additions or changes, such as rules, guidelines, or daily tasks around the house. The one constant that never changes and is a foundation is the trust, the love and the two way communication that we always have with each other. Those are completely 100 percent essential for any BDSM relationship to work.
So, what is the point to all this you may ask? My point is this. Be cautious in your journey, gather as much knowledge as you can, but be open to new and evolving experiences. you honestly never know what's around the next corner.
We might make a decision that takes us in a direction we never expected or we might make a wrong choice that leads us to a life we never wanted. But, you have to have the courage to choose a path, to make a choice. In life, it can be very scary to choose a path you've never walked before, do things that you've never done before, because you don't know the outcome. That is one of the things that makes life so wonderful to live. You never know what is around the next corner.
The journey into BDSM is very similar. There are many different styles, different forms and levels of submission, and different ways you can be dominate. One of the best things of this lifestyle is that it is ever-evolving. It's your own journey; one that you have to forge on your own or in conjunction with your partner. Once you have the basic knowledge, the possibilities are endless.
My blog, bdsmunveiled.com and many others similar to it, can guide you in different forms of the Lifestyle and inform you of how we, the writers of the blogs, live the lifestyle ourselves. We can educate you on types of play, different dynamics in relationships, toys, protocols, and many other subjects related to BDSM. It is ultimately up to the Dominate and submissive/slave to decide the dynamics, boundaries, rules and regulations of their own relationship.
The one thing you have to remember is you cannot be afraid of change. As with most things in life, relationships in BDSM can change and evolve, and hopefully yours will also. The more you learn and explore, the closer you will become to your partner and the further into submission you can get.
Some of the changes a person can go though from a loving BDSM M/s or D/s relationship is amazing. Readers have sent emails to me telling me about their own illnesses that have gotten better from living a 24/7 BDSM relationship. My own epilepsy has gotten much better over the past two years that I have been a 24/7 slave. With the right combination of rules, guidelines, and structure, it has allowed me to focus on my writing as well as to be delve deep into submission to my Padrone.
My own relationship with Padrone is ever evolving also. The longer we are together, we have grown closer. We have learned more about each other, our strengths and weaknesses, likes, morals, etc. which has allowed our own M/s relationship to deepen to a profound level.
There are items in every relationship that are steady and constant, but there are other items that are either additions or changes, such as rules, guidelines, or daily tasks around the house. The one constant that never changes and is a foundation is the trust, the love and the two way communication that we always have with each other. Those are completely 100 percent essential for any BDSM relationship to work.
So, what is the point to all this you may ask? My point is this. Be cautious in your journey, gather as much knowledge as you can, but be open to new and evolving experiences. you honestly never know what's around the next corner.
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After the huge response I received from my readers about BDSM and Body Image, I wanted to expand on that and give you some extra tips you can try to help yourself or your sub gain confidence and a better acceptance of their own bodies.
After 40 years of being female, I've come to the conclusion that a healthy, positive body image is hard to find, and neither caftans nor liposuction nor photo-shopping is the answer. Feeling good in your skin has nothing to do with whether you’re a size 2 or 22; it’s all about having a positive body image.
Having a poor body image means that you view your body in a negative light. You look at yourself and see only the negative. This often occurs when people with low self-esteem only see their physical flaws, most often when they look in the mirror.
If you are into the BDSM scene, most likely you are going to be naked any number of times. The first thing you have to remember is that your Dominant loves how you look. He has taken you as his submissive. He is proud of you and who you are. Take a moment to think about that. Really absorb it.
When using a mirror, look at your body in its entirety.
Try not to look at your body as individual parts. Don’t use a magnifying mirror when you look at your face. Look in the mirror and observe your whole body. When you do this, you might like what you see. Be at peace with your self-image by giving the mirror a rest.Stay off the scale.
Daily fluctuations in water weight can tip the scale up to five pounds in either direction, so if you step on the scale every day, you might be tempted to micromanage yourself. If you need to monitor your weight to stay on track or maintain, set aside a weekly or bi-weekly time to step on the scale. And don’t weigh yourself the week before your period, because you’ll most likely put on two to five pounds of water weight then. If you think you can do without the scale altogether, toss it and just go by how your clothes fit and how you feel.Throw away your ideas of “normal.”
Serena Williams and Arnold Schwarzenegger (whose BMIs are 32 and 33, respectively) are both considered “obese” according to the accepted healthy range of 18.5-24.9. But neither one is anywhere near fat. Remember that everyone is built differently, with different heights, bone densities, and amounts of muscle (which weighs more than fat) on their bodies. Just because your friend is a size 4 to 6 doesn’t mean that’s the right place for you to be.Notice that there are all types of bodies in all shapes, sizes and skin tones.
What you see in the media is not a representation of the human race. Appreciate the differences you see around you and appreciate your own individual looks.Heal your body image by taking note of how you talk to yourself about your body and change it if necessary.
Instead of, “I’m so fat and ugly, I hate myself,” tell yourself, “I have beautiful eyes and I am a good friend. The package may not be perfect, but it does need to be loved.”Take sexy pictures that show you in your most positive light.
Set up a camera with a self timer or ask a friend or Dominant take pictures of you with your hair and makeup done and in lingerie or skimpy clothing that all help to accentuate your body. Pick a couple of the images and put them on your cell phone or your laptop, anywhere you can access them easily. Look at them at different times during the day to reassure yourself how beautiful you are in your own skin.
I hope these extra tips and insights help all of you no matter your gender or body type love yourself more. We are all beautiful in our own way. Always remember that.
Also remember, the more confident and sexy you as a submissive feel, the more free you will be to serve your Dominant because the huge weight of self consciousnesses won't be hanging around your neck.
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Many readers, both Dominants and submissives, send me messages asking about submissive or slave training.
They want to know if there is a "correct" way to do it. I always tell them with respect, compassion, and deep understanding of the individual person and situation.
I believe that just as every person is different, every situation is also. You have to adapt training to fit your submissive's personality, as well as your relationship and lifestyle. If your sub/slave is a brat, you will usually end up giving harsher and more frequent punishments. If they are more meek, mild correction is probably the best way so you don't destroy their confidence and help to build self-esteem, while correcting whatever behavior you do not like. There is no one size fits all.
While I can't give you a manual on how to train your slave, I can give you a general direction and tips to possibly follow.
Whenever a dominant considers a new submissive for training, the first step is an assessment where the dominant seeks to learn about the specific needs, wants, strengths, weaknesses and desires of the sub. This assessment certainly includes sexual aspects but is not limited only to that. Quite often, sexual training and sexual activities a submissive is exposed to have other purposes and objectives in mind beyond merely someone experiencing a great orgasm.
The nuts and bolts of how submissive training and development is accomplished is dependent to a large degree on whether the relationship with a dominant takes places face to face or in an online environment. In real life experiences, generally the dominant will provide the training and instruction directly to the submissive. Starting slowly, with brief periods of instruction and simple activities, the dominant begins to introduce the submissive to new experiences.
While there are some recognized BDSM ceremonies, such as collaring ceremonies, formal presentation, etc., there are no recognized BDSM rituals. There are however a few points that dominants generally bear in mind when creating and using rituals.
They want to know if there is a "correct" way to do it. I always tell them with respect, compassion, and deep understanding of the individual person and situation.
I believe that just as every person is different, every situation is also. You have to adapt training to fit your submissive's personality, as well as your relationship and lifestyle. If your sub/slave is a brat, you will usually end up giving harsher and more frequent punishments. If they are more meek, mild correction is probably the best way so you don't destroy their confidence and help to build self-esteem, while correcting whatever behavior you do not like. There is no one size fits all.
While I can't give you a manual on how to train your slave, I can give you a general direction and tips to possibly follow.
Whenever a dominant considers a new submissive for training, the first step is an assessment where the dominant seeks to learn about the specific needs, wants, strengths, weaknesses and desires of the sub. This assessment certainly includes sexual aspects but is not limited only to that. Quite often, sexual training and sexual activities a submissive is exposed to have other purposes and objectives in mind beyond merely someone experiencing a great orgasm.
The nuts and bolts of how submissive training and development is accomplished is dependent to a large degree on whether the relationship with a dominant takes places face to face or in an online environment. In real life experiences, generally the dominant will provide the training and instruction directly to the submissive. Starting slowly, with brief periods of instruction and simple activities, the dominant begins to introduce the submissive to new experiences.
Categories
Physical
- Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the acquisition of physical skills like dance. There are differences among dominants as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a submissive yet some things are commonly taught.Verbal
- At its most basic, verbal training includes how the submissive addresses his or her dominant. It has been my experience that dominants have preferences about how a submissive is permitted to address them and you may be confident that this information will be provided to you.Mental
- Training focused on the mental realm involves things like memorization, keeping a journal, improving concentration skills (i.e., meditation), acquiring new knowledge, improving problem solving skills and learning to bend the will more effectively to that of the dominant through development of greater determination to please and persistence to pursue tasks and assignments to successful conclusion.Emotional
- This is for the purpose of helping a submissive to learn to be more obedient or less willful.Sexual
- Beyond simple male-female penile-vaginal intercourse, possibilities for sexual training topics for the novice submissive include things like:- Learning to experience increased arousal
- Learning to become sexual in new ways
- Overcoming sexual blocks (e.g., mental, moral, ethical, shame)
- Erotic movement (e.g., erotic dance, striptease, pole dancing)
- Restrictions on masturbation frequency
- Orgasm control/denial
- Overcoming body shame
Discipline and Correction
- Some might see these two terms as meaning essentially the same thing. Others might wonder why punishment was not included in the title. To address the latter first, correction may involve punishment but punishment is generally punitive while correction need not be punitive at all.Rituals and Protocols
- A ritual may be defined as any formalized action or set of actions, repeated in a specific and structured way. Rituals are processed at the subconscious level, making the practice of rituals a very effective means of shaping a person's beliefs, self-image, thoughts and behavior. Thus, rituals are a key part of submissive training and a tool often used by dominants.While there are some recognized BDSM ceremonies, such as collaring ceremonies, formal presentation, etc., there are no recognized BDSM rituals. There are however a few points that dominants generally bear in mind when creating and using rituals.
- Rituals have an exactly repeatable structure, basically a script. Repeating the same thing regularly helps it become a habit that sinks deep into the self-conscious.
- Rituals should have a definite purpose, objective or goal. Whether the submissive is aware of it or not, the dominant should be.
- The most effective rituals have a direct link to specific activities or events.
- Rituals should be simple, using relatively few words and acts.
- Rituals should have a definite beginning and end.
- The number of rituals should be limited. Too many and they become difficult to remember, a burden and limit spontaneity.
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You have been drawn to the world of BDSM, but searching for one book to give you an overview of both Dominance and Submission.
This book provides you with descriptions of all roles, different BDSM relationships, commonly used terms, guidelines for roles and responsibilities, and much more. After reading this book, you should have a well rounded foundation to start your journey further into the ever changing world that is known as BDSM.
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The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book dedicated solely for Submissives:
- You do have rights. You have the right to walk away at any time for any reason.
- No one can keep up a 24/7 high protocol lifestyle for long without a break for of kids, family, work and other life events.
- No man has an erection continuously. Unless they're priapic, in which case, a doctor's visit is in order.
- There is such a thing as PMS, and no amount of Dominance will make it go away.
- Your cyber safeword is the off button on the front of your computer. Use it.
- There are going to be times when you don't feel like having sex. It does and will happen. Prepare yourself mentally for it because it is just a part of life and does not mean you are a bad submissive.
- Living a 24/7 Lifestyle is not a myth. Living 24/7 in chains, naked and kneeling is.
- There will come a time when you see your Dominant scratching himself, belching and in need of a shower. They are only human.
- No one understands your collar and its true meaning but you. Being proud to wear it everywhere is different than showing it off at the local market.
- Eventually, you're going to have to take off the slave cuffs to go to some real life appointment. Get used to it.
- People get sick. People die. Use a condom, please, unless you've been tested twice in the last year, and so has your partner.
- Don't walk away from your friends. You might well need them later, if your dream Dominant turns into a frog.
- If you want something, ask. Ask respectfully, ask in role, and ask in good faith. But ask. If you don't, chances are, you not going get it.
- Just because you call yourself a slave, doesn't mean that others will agree with your definition. Be prepared to defend your views, but don't growl at others for their opinions. They have a right to them, same as you do.
- Just because the screen name says Master doesn't mean he is one.
- There are things you won't do in Real Life that you role played with online.
- BDSM is not always about sex.
- People are not always nice. You will not play at every party you attend. If you are not careful and always aware of your surrounds, you may get hurt in a non-consensual way.
- Your Dominant is not a mind reader. You need to always be open and honest with your feelings.
- Your Mistress is not always dressed in thigh highs and hose. A Master does not always have his flogger nearby. Sometimes, it's time for sweat pants and hot cocoa.
- An argument is not the end of the world. Not resolving it, however, might be.
- Sometimes, a fuck is just a fuck. A beating is just a beating. And a kiss is just a kiss. Enjoy it, remember it, and move along.
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The following is an excerpt from my new book coming out soon called Unveiled: The Secret Submissive Within. I hope you enjoy.
In BDSM, a contract is an agreement, usually written, between the Dominant and submissive in a 24/7 relationship, but also in between those that are in training only or have regular play dates. It is the formal act of consent to the power exchange. Some are very formal and will detail exactly what is expected and can run for multiple pages. Others are as brief as a single paragraph. Either way, one is derived by negotiation on the part of both parties. BDSM couples consider the contract to hold equal moral authority to a marriage commitment. As such, constructing a proper contract is very much like writing a pre-nuptial agreement.
Here are some things you need to know before signing such a contract:
A slave contract is a non-legal document.
Although the contract is meaningful to the Dominant and his submissive, such a contract is not legally binding due to the fact that it is actually illegal to own another person and most slave contracts mention the word ownership in describing the relationship.
A slave contract is drawn up by the Dominant and presented to his submissive to sign.
Length of commitment varies.
Slave contracts vary in regard to the length of commitment pledged. Whereas some Dominants may require a submissive to sign a lifetime agreement, other Dominants may ask for a 6 month or a year- long commitment. At the end of that time period, the submissive will have the choice to sign a renewal contract or to opt out of the relationship.
A slave contract signifies ownership.
Although the contract is not legally binding, it signifies a degree of ownership. Sometimes the ownership may be limited to sexual ownership. Sometimes it may mean complete ownership. This will depend on the couple and their preferences. It is very binding within the confines of the relationship and should not be entered into lightly.
Things to include in a slave contract.
A slave contract will include things such as expectations, goals, rewards, punishments, protocols, rituals, and grounds for termination of the contract. Be sure and review the contract carefully, for what is in it will indicate the course of your relationship. Just as a couple who enters into marriage, you must have similar goals and expectations in regard to the relationship. Signing the contract means that you are agreeing to everything in it.
Don't be afraid to ask questions.
It is important to feel free to ask questions of one another before signing the contract. Submissives need to voice any fears or hesitations to the Dominant, and he needs to be open enough to listen to those fears and hesitations. If he is not open to hearing them, this should be the submissive's first clue to run in the opposite direction. It is also important for a Dominant to voice any concerns he may have to his submissive. If he senses any doubt or hesitation, it is important for him to ask her about it, encouraging her to be open and honest with him.
Do not rush into signing a contract.
Here are some things you need to know before signing such a contract:
A slave contract is a non-legal document.
Although the contract is meaningful to the Dominant and his submissive, such a contract is not legally binding due to the fact that it is actually illegal to own another person and most slave contracts mention the word ownership in describing the relationship.
A slave contract is drawn up by the Dominant and presented to his submissive to sign.
Sometimes a Dominant will allow his submissive to read the contract ahead of time and ask if she has any input or something she would like to include in the contract. If she does and the Dominant agrees, he will likely add it into the contract.
Length of commitment varies.
Slave contracts vary in regard to the length of commitment pledged. Whereas some Dominants may require a submissive to sign a lifetime agreement, other Dominants may ask for a 6 month or a year- long commitment. At the end of that time period, the submissive will have the choice to sign a renewal contract or to opt out of the relationship.
A slave contract signifies ownership.
Although the contract is not legally binding, it signifies a degree of ownership. Sometimes the ownership may be limited to sexual ownership. Sometimes it may mean complete ownership. This will depend on the couple and their preferences. It is very binding within the confines of the relationship and should not be entered into lightly.
Things to include in a slave contract.
A slave contract will include things such as expectations, goals, rewards, punishments, protocols, rituals, and grounds for termination of the contract. Be sure and review the contract carefully, for what is in it will indicate the course of your relationship. Just as a couple who enters into marriage, you must have similar goals and expectations in regard to the relationship. Signing the contract means that you are agreeing to everything in it.
Don't be afraid to ask questions.
It is important to feel free to ask questions of one another before signing the contract. Submissives need to voice any fears or hesitations to the Dominant, and he needs to be open enough to listen to those fears and hesitations. If he is not open to hearing them, this should be the submissive's first clue to run in the opposite direction. It is also important for a Dominant to voice any concerns he may have to his submissive. If he senses any doubt or hesitation, it is important for him to ask her about it, encouraging her to be open and honest with him.
Do not rush into signing a contract.
A contract is not meant to be an agreement between casual play partners. It is meant to signify a willingness to commit to the relationship for a certain amount of time. Take your time in getting to know one another before making the decision to make such a commitment.
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