Sub Drop can come in many different forms. Sub Drop is the emotional and physical effects of the release and drop of endorphins in the body after a play session. Since the increase of hormones and chemicals has produced a trance-like state (subspace), as play ends the submissive may feel out-of-body, detached from reality. As the sub's system stops producing morphine-like drugs, and as the nervous system kicks in again, the sub may feel a deep exhaustion, a sharp drop in temperature, as well as incoherence and uncoordinated.
Drop can also happen if play is stopped abruptly. BDSM play is a very vulnerable experience for people. It often involves exposing one's inner-self in ways that one has never before done. Sometimes, inexperienced Tops will begin BDSM play, and then abruptly terminate a scene and walk away. This can leave the abandoned sub in a very down state - feeling that they engaged their sense of trust to allow a Top to play with them, and that the Top simply let them splatter on the ground.
If not cared for, you could go into depression just from one play session. The endorphins and other hormones released during play leave your body in such a way that it takes time to rebuild the balance of hormones in your system. You could feel like you have a hangover or partied too hard the night before, you could feel lost and depressed for hours or days. You may just want to sleep it off. These are the more extreme forms of Drop. Some people recover in a matter of hours, but others could exhibit signs of Sub Drop for weeks after an intense session.
There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.
Aftercare, at its most basic, simply involves the willingness to continue being there with your play partner for a sufficient time period that they can feel safe, regain their emotional equilibrium, and no longer feel the need to cling to you. It is equally important to recognize that aftercare is for both the Top and bottom, Dominant and submissive. If either person leaves too soon, then their partner may feel abandonment or loss far exceeding the obvious dimensions of the scene.
Food or drink after play can be important: Water or sports-type drinks to re-hydrate, or juice to provide simple sugars. Eating some chocolate after play is recommended by some, as the opiate and cannabinoid effects of chocolate are similar to those of subspace, allowing a more gradual transition, and chocolate also contains several stimulants that can make mental processes feel more alert.
Continuing to help the transition, especially if going home alone after play, some people find that assembling "aftercare supplies" helps them continue to land gently after they arrive home. Relaxing music, comfort objects, scented candles, bubble baths, favorite books or movies, incense, and other forms of self-pampering serve to continue to remind people that they are special and cared for, allowing them to bask in the gradually fading fires of their flight into subspace.
The emotions that can surface during and after play are necessary to address. Don’t keep them bottled up. Write them down, talk about them and keep open communication with your partner. They can help you get through your feelings. Several of the things in the Aftercare kit are meant to help you establish that connection. A notebook to write your feelings down, a phone card to call your partner (if they are long distance), a letter from your partner telling you how they feel about you and perhaps even a voice recording. Call up some friends and get out, if you have lifestyle friends they too can help you recover from sub drop.
Drop can also happen if play is stopped abruptly. BDSM play is a very vulnerable experience for people. It often involves exposing one's inner-self in ways that one has never before done. Sometimes, inexperienced Tops will begin BDSM play, and then abruptly terminate a scene and walk away. This can leave the abandoned sub in a very down state - feeling that they engaged their sense of trust to allow a Top to play with them, and that the Top simply let them splatter on the ground.
If not cared for, you could go into depression just from one play session. The endorphins and other hormones released during play leave your body in such a way that it takes time to rebuild the balance of hormones in your system. You could feel like you have a hangover or partied too hard the night before, you could feel lost and depressed for hours or days. You may just want to sleep it off. These are the more extreme forms of Drop. Some people recover in a matter of hours, but others could exhibit signs of Sub Drop for weeks after an intense session.
There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.
- Recognize what it is. This is important, if you don't accept it for what it is, then you can talk yourself into a much worse state.
- Keep in contact with your play partner, tell them how you are feeling and seek reassurance from them that all is well. We all need to hear that we did good and that our partners enjoyed the scene as much as we did.
- Pamper yourself. Spend the day doing things you really enjoy. Long hot bubble bathes, manicures/pedicure, get your hair done. Anything that is going to help you feel better about yourself.
- Eat well and drink plenty of fluids. Your body is still in recovery process, so feed it well.
- Talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Find someone who can listen without judging and let it all out. If you need to cry do so, it's therapeutic.
Food or drink after play can be important: Water or sports-type drinks to re-hydrate, or juice to provide simple sugars. Eating some chocolate after play is recommended by some, as the opiate and cannabinoid effects of chocolate are similar to those of subspace, allowing a more gradual transition, and chocolate also contains several stimulants that can make mental processes feel more alert.
Continuing to help the transition, especially if going home alone after play, some people find that assembling "aftercare supplies" helps them continue to land gently after they arrive home. Relaxing music, comfort objects, scented candles, bubble baths, favorite books or movies, incense, and other forms of self-pampering serve to continue to remind people that they are special and cared for, allowing them to bask in the gradually fading fires of their flight into subspace.
The emotions that can surface during and after play are necessary to address. Don’t keep them bottled up. Write them down, talk about them and keep open communication with your partner. They can help you get through your feelings. Several of the things in the Aftercare kit are meant to help you establish that connection. A notebook to write your feelings down, a phone card to call your partner (if they are long distance), a letter from your partner telling you how they feel about you and perhaps even a voice recording. Call up some friends and get out, if you have lifestyle friends they too can help you recover from sub drop.
Post title: " Sub Drop and Aftercare "
Post title: " Sub Drop and Aftercare "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 9/30/2013 03:59:00 AM September 30, 2013
1 Comment. Click here to comment
This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. - Shakespeare's Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82
This quote from Shakespeare's play meansTo be true to yourself. Live your life for yourself and do not let others try to influence you to do things you don't want to do.
Most of us have two distinctly different sides to our personalities. One side is what we show the world, our outer authentic self. The second is our inner authentic self. The inner self is the one that only those closest to us get to see in depth. Our outer authenticity is how well what we say and do matches what is really going on inside us. Our inner authenticity is how well we actually know ourselves and are aware of our inner states.
No one is fully authentic all of the time in their outer presentation. Sometimes we need to put on an act to get by. Some people spend more time living unauthentically than others. It is unpleasant and can be damaging to you if you are trapped in jobs or relationships where you rarely get the chance to be yourselves. If you are in this type of situation, you need to start thinking of ways to change your life as soon as possible so that you can be free to express yourself authentically.
Surveys show that, on average, people who scored higher on tests for authenticity are more satisfied with life, have higher self-esteem and are generally happier. As Mohandas Gandhi put it so well, ‘happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony’.
Most people living any form of a BDSM lifestyle are usually not out in the open with their lifestyle choice. Many feel they need to hide this part of themselves from their family and friends due to the moralistic views of society. Some of us are fortunate enough to be able to maintain/practice/live, in part or whole, some form of a BDSM relationship out in the open.
In all of my posts, I try to educate and guide my readers in different aspects of BDSM, but do not push them to live or practice it exactly the same way as we do. Below are two lists of what Padrone Marco and I believe in.
Within a BDSM Relationship:
- Respect from both sides of a relationship at all times, during good times and disagreements are a must.
- Educate yourself on as many different parts of the lifestyle as you can, so you can discover which ones you like.
- Dominants should help their submissives to grow intellectually, not just in learning and performing their tasks and rules.
- Always be open and honest and never lie to your partner/s.
- Loyalty is a must for a true and lasting BDSM relationship.
- Understanding and flexibility from both sides are needed.
- There has to always be 2 way communication.
- Submissives will and do have the right to anger, sadness, or jealousy. But, do not act blindly on these and talk out any and all problems with your Dominant.
- Emotional support and growth should be nourished always and deeply from both the Dominant and submissive.
- Having and maintaining patience is a must!
- Talking and discussing problems in a calm manner versus yelling and screaming at each other.
Globally in the BDSM Community:
- Respect and honesty between others in the BDSM Lifestyle as a community.
- Never judge how others decide to live a BDSM lifestyle by your own standards, because there is no wrong way as long as it's consensual. Even if you don't agree or practice it their way.
- Respecting differing opinions and not causing conflict within our own community.
- Helping other people to grow and understand the BDSM Lifestyle from our own experiences and from the way we live it, but leaving the road open so that others can form their own journey.
- Standing up for the BDSM community rights to be seen and heard, while fighting the moralistic movement that would put us back in the closet.
We hope you continue to follow us and the education we hope to spread through our blogs and books by returning and reading us every day. Thank you for your continued support and we hope that our articles and peaks inside our own lives help you broaden your own knowledge of the Lifestyle.
Padrone Marco and Michelle Fegatofi
Post title: " To Thine Own Self Be True (Our BDSM Life Style Declaration) "
Post title: " To Thine Own Self Be True (Our BDSM Life Style Declaration) "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 9/26/2013 03:38:00 PM September 26, 2013
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We love to hear from you! Your thoughts, your questions, even your unfavourable opinions will help us to write more.
Drop a comment below, tell us what you think!
By commenting, sharing, and pinning, you are helping us grow! Also, check the notify button to know when your comment is replied.
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
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The following is a poem I wrote about Freedom of Choice.
Freedom to you is the ability to do anything you please.
Freedom to me is the ability to serve my Master on my knees.
Freedom to you takes you to any place you want to go.
Freedom to me keeps me bound, close to my Master,
with my head bent low.
Freedom to you gives you the right to make
all the decisions for your life.
Freedom to me means that all decisions are made for me
to keep me happy, safe and away from all strife.
Freedom to you gives you the right to dress any way you want.
Freedom to me is dressing in the clothes only Master has bought.
Freedom to you is expressing yourself in any way,
no matter how wrong or right.
Freedom to me is always expressing myself
in ways that always reflect on my Master in a positive light.
Freedom of expression, choices and life,
are vast and different from one person to another.
But that Freedom does not give us the right to judge each other.
My choice, my life, my service as a BDSM slave
I should not have to deal with the constant backlash
from the huge moralistic wave.
When that choice is constantly challenged,
trying to silence my right to be heard,
Then Freedom of choice is no freer than a beautifully caged bird.
My right to be heard, my right to be proud,
My right to live openly as the collared submissive slave that I am.
To me this is real Freedom and this is my right.
And until we as a community are either accepted or left alone,
I will not bow down or give up the fight.
We should be able to live and express our lifestyle on the internet and in the open if we so choose,
just as any other group (religious, political, etc...) does.
Freedom to you is the ability to do anything you please.
Freedom to me is the ability to serve my Master on my knees.
Freedom to you takes you to any place you want to go.
Freedom to me keeps me bound, close to my Master,
with my head bent low.
Freedom to you gives you the right to make
all the decisions for your life.
Freedom to me means that all decisions are made for me
to keep me happy, safe and away from all strife.
Freedom to you gives you the right to dress any way you want.
Freedom to me is dressing in the clothes only Master has bought.
Freedom to you is expressing yourself in any way,
no matter how wrong or right.
Freedom to me is always expressing myself
in ways that always reflect on my Master in a positive light.
Freedom of expression, choices and life,
are vast and different from one person to another.
But that Freedom does not give us the right to judge each other.
My choice, my life, my service as a BDSM slave
I should not have to deal with the constant backlash
from the huge moralistic wave.
When that choice is constantly challenged,
trying to silence my right to be heard,
Then Freedom of choice is no freer than a beautifully caged bird.
My right to be heard, my right to be proud,
My right to live openly as the collared submissive slave that I am.
To me this is real Freedom and this is my right.
And until we as a community are either accepted or left alone,
I will not bow down or give up the fight.
Post title: " Freedom of Choice: Interpretations "
Post title: " Freedom of Choice: Interpretations "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 9/22/2013 12:43:00 AM September 22, 2013
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Drop a comment below, tell us what you think!
By commenting, sharing, and pinning, you are helping us grow! Also, check the notify button to know when your comment is replied.
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
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I promised to give you all a sneak preview of the Table of Contents for my new book, Unveiled - The Secret Submissive Within.
I'm very proud to announce it here today! Let me know what you think! Look for more updates as the release date draws nearer!
I'm very proud to announce it here today! Let me know what you think! Look for more updates as the release date draws nearer!
Let me hear your thoughts on the content. Leave your comments below!
Post title: " Unveiled - The Secret Submissive Within Table of Contents Preview! "
Post title: " Unveiled - The Secret Submissive Within Table of Contents Preview! "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 9/21/2013 02:27:00 PM September 21, 2013
Tell a friend about us, add a link to this page. Share this post or email it to a friend. Become a follower of the blog and of our various social media pages.
We love to hear from you! Your thoughts, your questions, even your unfavourable opinions will help us to write more.
Drop a comment below, tell us what you think!
By commenting, sharing, and pinning, you are helping us grow! Also, check the notify button to know when your comment is replied.
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
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A Loving Master
by Michelle Fegatofi
When I am serving Him, I am free,
When I am kneeling to Him, I am me.
When I feel His pride in my submission, I am elated,
When I know He is happy, the pride I feel inside can’t be stated.
When He looks at me with love and authority, my soul soars,
When He puts His hand on my head, he touches me to my core.
When I’m flying high, He tethers me to the ground,
When I am scared, He protects me all around.
When I am weak, He always gives me His strength,
When I need to talk, He always listens to me at length.
When I doubt myself, He always holds me high,
When I am in tears, He holds me tight and lets me cry.
He is my Master, my one and true guide,
He is the only one from whom I will never have a reason to hide.
He is the center, the one that my world revolves around,
He is the one to whom I will always and forever remain bound.
Post title: " A Loving Master "
Post title: " A Loving Master "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 9/19/2013 03:23:00 PM September 19, 2013
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We love to hear from you! Your thoughts, your questions, even your unfavourable opinions will help us to write more.
Drop a comment below, tell us what you think!
By commenting, sharing, and pinning, you are helping us grow! Also, check the notify button to know when your comment is replied.
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
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This was taken from Helen B. Andelin's Fascinating Womanhood, published by Pacific Press in 1965.
The course was designed to teach women how to be happy in marriage.
I posted an article a couple of months ago about being a 1950s style Housewife in today's world and thought this article would fit perfectly as a second installment.
What do you think? As submissive women, do you agree with any of what is said? What do you do differently? I do believe in a lot of the things it says, but know that in reality a lot of the tips presented in 1965 can not be incorporated in today's family setting.
Let me hear your thoughts! Comment below!
The course was designed to teach women how to be happy in marriage.
I posted an article a couple of months ago about being a 1950s style Housewife in today's world and thought this article would fit perfectly as a second installment.
GET YOUR WORK DONE
Plan your tasks with an eye on the clock. Finish or interrupt them an hour before he is expected. Your anguished cry, "Are you home already?" is not exactly a warm welcome.HAVE DINNER READY
Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.PREPARE YOURSELF
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. This will also make you happy to see him instead of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive and grateful for the man who is going to walk in. While you are resting you can be thinking about your Fascinating Womanhood assignment and all you can do to make him happy and give his spirits a lift. When you arise, take care of your appearance. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. in a bucket or wastebasket and put them in the back bedroom for sorting later. Then run a dustcloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. Having the house in order is another way of letting him know that you care and have planned for this homecoming.PREPARE THE CHILDREN
Take just a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them look the part.MINIMIZE ALL NOISE
Especially give heed to this if your husband has to join rush hour traffic. At the time of his arrival eliminate noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet at the time of their father's arrival. Let them be a little noisy beforehand to get it out of their system.BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM
Greet him with a warm smile and act glad to see him. Tell him that it is good to have him home. This may make his day worthwhile. If there is any romance left in you, he needs it now.SOME DON'TS
Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Solve the problems you can before he gets home and save those you must discuss with him until later in the evening. Also, don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem when compared with what he might have gone through that day. Don't allow the children to rush at him with problems or requests. Allow them to briefly greet their father but save demands for later.MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE
Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don't insist on this however. Turn on music if it is one of his pleasures. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax - to unwind.LISTEN TO HIM
You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, then he will be a more responsive listener later.MAKE THE EVENING HIS
Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and to relax. If he is cross or irritable, never fight back. Again, try to understand his world of strain.THE GOAL
Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Then add to this the application of all the principles of Fascinating Womanhood and your husband will want to come home. He will rather be with you than with anyone else in the world and will spend whatever time he can possibly spare with you. Try living all of these rules for his homecoming and see what happens. This is the way to bring a man home to your side, not by pressure, persuasion or moral obligation.What do you think? As submissive women, do you agree with any of what is said? What do you do differently? I do believe in a lot of the things it says, but know that in reality a lot of the tips presented in 1965 can not be incorporated in today's family setting.
Let me hear your thoughts! Comment below!
Post title: " How to be the Perfect House Wife "
Post title: " How to be the Perfect House Wife "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 9/18/2013 12:22:00 PM September 18, 2013
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We love to hear from you! Your thoughts, your questions, even your unfavourable opinions will help us to write more.
Drop a comment below, tell us what you think!
By commenting, sharing, and pinning, you are helping us grow! Also, check the notify button to know when your comment is replied.
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
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Everyday, we go through our daily lives in the vanilla world.
When we go to work, take the kids to school, go shopping, visit friends, or just go about our routines, we are surrounded by normal or "vanilla" people. We all maintain some level of "normal/vanilla" so we don't draw undue attention to ourselves or our lifestyle.
The majority of people following BDSM blogs or sites are entirely vanilla except for the brief moments in time when they are online or in the bedroom and get to explore the BDSM side of their personality. Now, there are many people and couples like myself that live the lifestyle 24/7, but the majority do not.
So, if you want to incorporate more of the Lifestyle into your daily life, without upsetting your vanilla world too much, how would you do that? The following tips can be used in cyber or real life relationships.
Dominants
When we go to work, take the kids to school, go shopping, visit friends, or just go about our routines, we are surrounded by normal or "vanilla" people. We all maintain some level of "normal/vanilla" so we don't draw undue attention to ourselves or our lifestyle.
The majority of people following BDSM blogs or sites are entirely vanilla except for the brief moments in time when they are online or in the bedroom and get to explore the BDSM side of their personality. Now, there are many people and couples like myself that live the lifestyle 24/7, but the majority do not.
So, if you want to incorporate more of the Lifestyle into your daily life, without upsetting your vanilla world too much, how would you do that? The following tips can be used in cyber or real life relationships.
Dominants
- Have your submissive use text messaging or email to check-in with you certain times of the day to let you know where they are.
- Give your submissive specific orders of what to wear (color of panties each day; heels or flat shoes; dress or pants, etc...)
- Give your submissive a token of her position to wear as a reminder (collar, bracelet, ring)
- Give her orders of what color to paint her nails each week
- Give her reasonable tasks to follow each day
- Keep a photo record of the places you go or tasks you accomplish during the day and send them to your Dominant.
- Use a GPS tracking software on your cell phone to allow your Dominant to see your whereabouts anytime they want to.
- Send a text message when you arrive and when you leave a new location
- Write an email of what your daily schedule for that day and send it to your Dominant either the night before or first thing in the morning
If you have any other suggestions, please comment below. We love hearing from you!
Post title: " Help! I'm Surrounded by Vanilla! "
Post title: " Help! I'm Surrounded by Vanilla! "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 9/14/2013 11:25:00 PM September 14, 2013
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We love to hear from you! Your thoughts, your questions, even your unfavourable opinions will help us to write more.
Drop a comment below, tell us what you think!
By commenting, sharing, and pinning, you are helping us grow! Also, check the notify button to know when your comment is replied.
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
2 Comments. Click here to comment
Many of you have asked me when my first book, BDSM Basics for Beginners - A Guide for Dominants and Submissives Starting to Explore the Lifestyle, will be available on Kindle and I am proud to announce that it finally is!
Follow this link to Kindle books to download your copy today! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00F6K25WU
If you don't have a Kindle, and want to purchase it in a different format, it is available in paperback from Amazon, but also in ebook format for Barnes and Noble Nook and Apple ibooks. For pdf or epub formats, please click on the link to Lulu.com
Below are the links that will take you directly to the book on the various sites.
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Bdsm-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369180725&sr=8-1&keywords=michelle+fegatofi
Barnes&Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bdsm-basics-for-beginners-a-guide-for-dominants-and-submissives-starting-to-explore-the-lifestyle-michelle-fegatofi/1115085227?ean=9781300838609
Apple iBooks: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/bdsm-basics-for-beginners/id627641268?mt=11
Lulu: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/MichelleFegatofi
Follow this link to Kindle books to download your copy today! http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00F6K25WU
If you don't have a Kindle, and want to purchase it in a different format, it is available in paperback from Amazon, but also in ebook format for Barnes and Noble Nook and Apple ibooks. For pdf or epub formats, please click on the link to Lulu.com
Below are the links that will take you directly to the book on the various sites.
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Bdsm-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369180725&sr=8-1&keywords=michelle+fegatofi
Barnes&Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bdsm-basics-for-beginners-a-guide-for-dominants-and-submissives-starting-to-explore-the-lifestyle-michelle-fegatofi/1115085227?ean=9781300838609
Apple iBooks: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/bdsm-basics-for-beginners/id627641268?mt=11
Lulu: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/MichelleFegatofi
Post title: " BDSM Basics for Beginners Book Now Available on Kindle! "
Post title: " BDSM Basics for Beginners Book Now Available on Kindle! "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 9/14/2013 08:49:00 PM
Tell a friend about us, add a link to this page. Share this post or email it to a friend. Become a follower of the blog and of our various social media pages.
We love to hear from you! Your thoughts, your questions, even your unfavourable opinions will help us to write more.
Drop a comment below, tell us what you think!
By commenting, sharing, and pinning, you are helping us grow! Also, check the notify button to know when your comment is replied.
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
Click here to comment
You may have heard me talking about the new book I have been working on for the past several months that focuses on submissives.
I am happy to announce that the cover of 'Unveiled, the secret submissive within' has finally been completed and I'm revealing it to you all today! I am also very proud that my Padrone Marco Fegatofi was the one who designed it.
This is an in-depth guide for submissives new to the lifestyle and for those just wanting to broaden their knowledge more. It starts with what a submissive is, moves to common terms in BDSM, contracts, continues on to possible punishments, what to look for in a Dominant, and ends with a very thorough Limits Worksheet in the back. There are many more topics covered, but too many to name here. I tried to pack as much information into this book that would help you gain knowledge and choose the path that is right for you, without steering you in one particular direction. I firmly believe that BDSM is a personal choice that has to be discovered, practiced, lived to suit individual wants/needs/desires.
I am happy to announce that the cover of 'Unveiled, the secret submissive within' has finally been completed and I'm revealing it to you all today! I am also very proud that my Padrone Marco Fegatofi was the one who designed it.
New Book Cover |
This is an in-depth guide for submissives new to the lifestyle and for those just wanting to broaden their knowledge more. It starts with what a submissive is, moves to common terms in BDSM, contracts, continues on to possible punishments, what to look for in a Dominant, and ends with a very thorough Limits Worksheet in the back. There are many more topics covered, but too many to name here. I tried to pack as much information into this book that would help you gain knowledge and choose the path that is right for you, without steering you in one particular direction. I firmly believe that BDSM is a personal choice that has to be discovered, practiced, lived to suit individual wants/needs/desires.
Stay tuned over the next weeks as we reveal the entire Table of Contents. The actual book should be published and available in paperback and ebook versions very soon!
Post title: " New Book Cover Revealed! "
Post title: " New Book Cover Revealed! "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 9/10/2013 11:35:00 AM September 10, 2013
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Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
8 Comments. Click here to comment
Around the internet, seals or awards are widely spread. They are mostly used around the internet on blogs that display the same type of content or share the same values.
Normally, each seal has a set of rules in which the site/blog/page has to comply with. Having such a seal can be a good way to grow specific communities that subscribe to the same values and content. Taking part in this type of group is a good indicator of the site/blog/page's beliefs, but does not mean other pages displaying similar content but not displaying a seal (or that particular seal) are fakes, wrong or that their content is not to be trusted. It just means that those having a seal belong to a group of networked pages and possibly share the same values. Some BDSM pages/blogs have their own seal where they belong to.
We have been working on making our own official seal for the past several months to present to pages around the web (on various platforms) that share similar values and display similar, but diverse, content as ours. Once we launch this new seal and ask certain sites/blogs/pages to display it, it will not mean that all other sites/blogs/pages not showing our seal are fakes. It will simply mean that we haven't seen those particular sites/blogs/pages yet, or that they are simply not a part of our group or network. The sites/blogs/pages displaying our seal will mean that page posts mostly their own original BDSM content and does not mostly share articles or pictures that are widely spread across the internet. We have never, nor will we ever, imply that people practicing a BDSM Lifestyle has to practice it the way we do. We believe that as long as SSC or RACK is in use and all parties involved in the relationship are consenting and knowledgeable, there is no wrong or right way to live a BDSM lifestyle.
Now, to the main reason for this post. There is a group on Facebook that started out as a page sharing group to help grow and boost likes/followers within that particular group. It was originated by a BDSM page that has a large following. They recently made a seal and added it with the title 'Best of BDSM' to their group to distinguish those pages from other BDSM related pages on Facebook. They just did something that many other pages/sites/blogs do on the internet and there is nothing wrong with this. It is a good way to set the pages of a particular network apart from others on Facebook because, as you know, there are hundreds of Lifestyle related pages.
The part we have an issue with and think is very wrong, is that when they announced this seal addition, they misled their audience. They claim all pages not carrying their "official" seal are fakes and do not provide real or good BDSM content. They also imply that any page other than those displaying this seal may actually give harmful information to their followers. They go on to say that only the "elite" BDSM pages on Facebook will be the ones to carry this seal. There is no authority in the BDSM Lifestyle community that can make any page/group official, nor does any group have a right to dictate their beliefs and try to impose those beliefs on anyone in the BDSM community.
Facebook itself can, and has, initiated their own 'Facebook Verified Fanpage' seal. This seal was started as a way to distinguish official celebrity and brand pages from unofficial pages opened by fans or others. It has nothing to do with the belief system or actual content of a page. The entire metrics on how to obtain this verification from Facebook has not been completely revealed to the public as of yet, but two of the criteria that has been revealed is that a large fan base/number of likes has been established and that the page has to have been up and functioning on Facebook for a certain amount of time. Here is an example of a real Facebook Verified Fanpage. Anything else you see is made up by the page itself and is not a REAL Facebook Verified Fanpage.
It is up to you to decide who and what you want to believe. But, as followers of the blog/FB pages, as well as possible readers of the book BDSM Basics for Beginners, you know knowledge and experience when you see it.
Don't be taken in or fooled by the false information or fakeverifications displaying " Official Facebook Fan Page ✔ Verified Account " ! If you believe it is worth it, spread the word!
Normally, each seal has a set of rules in which the site/blog/page has to comply with. Having such a seal can be a good way to grow specific communities that subscribe to the same values and content. Taking part in this type of group is a good indicator of the site/blog/page's beliefs, but does not mean other pages displaying similar content but not displaying a seal (or that particular seal) are fakes, wrong or that their content is not to be trusted. It just means that those having a seal belong to a group of networked pages and possibly share the same values. Some BDSM pages/blogs have their own seal where they belong to.
We have been working on making our own official seal for the past several months to present to pages around the web (on various platforms) that share similar values and display similar, but diverse, content as ours. Once we launch this new seal and ask certain sites/blogs/pages to display it, it will not mean that all other sites/blogs/pages not showing our seal are fakes. It will simply mean that we haven't seen those particular sites/blogs/pages yet, or that they are simply not a part of our group or network. The sites/blogs/pages displaying our seal will mean that page posts mostly their own original BDSM content and does not mostly share articles or pictures that are widely spread across the internet. We have never, nor will we ever, imply that people practicing a BDSM Lifestyle has to practice it the way we do. We believe that as long as SSC or RACK is in use and all parties involved in the relationship are consenting and knowledgeable, there is no wrong or right way to live a BDSM lifestyle.
Now, to the main reason for this post. There is a group on Facebook that started out as a page sharing group to help grow and boost likes/followers within that particular group. It was originated by a BDSM page that has a large following. They recently made a seal and added it with the title 'Best of BDSM' to their group to distinguish those pages from other BDSM related pages on Facebook. They just did something that many other pages/sites/blogs do on the internet and there is nothing wrong with this. It is a good way to set the pages of a particular network apart from others on Facebook because, as you know, there are hundreds of Lifestyle related pages.
The part we have an issue with and think is very wrong, is that when they announced this seal addition, they misled their audience. They claim all pages not carrying their "official" seal are fakes and do not provide real or good BDSM content. They also imply that any page other than those displaying this seal may actually give harmful information to their followers. They go on to say that only the "elite" BDSM pages on Facebook will be the ones to carry this seal. There is no authority in the BDSM Lifestyle community that can make any page/group official, nor does any group have a right to dictate their beliefs and try to impose those beliefs on anyone in the BDSM community.
Facebook itself can, and has, initiated their own 'Facebook Verified Fanpage' seal. This seal was started as a way to distinguish official celebrity and brand pages from unofficial pages opened by fans or others. It has nothing to do with the belief system or actual content of a page. The entire metrics on how to obtain this verification from Facebook has not been completely revealed to the public as of yet, but two of the criteria that has been revealed is that a large fan base/number of likes has been established and that the page has to have been up and functioning on Facebook for a certain amount of time. Here is an example of a real Facebook Verified Fanpage. Anything else you see is made up by the page itself and is not a REAL Facebook Verified Fanpage.
Official and Real Example of Facebook Verified Fan page |
It is up to you to decide who and what you want to believe. But, as followers of the blog/FB pages, as well as possible readers of the book BDSM Basics for Beginners, you know knowledge and experience when you see it.
Don't be taken in or fooled by the false information or fake
Post title: " Seals/Awards for Original BDSM Content "
Post title: " Seals/Awards for Original BDSM Content "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 9/06/2013 01:47:00 PM September 6, 2013
Tell a friend about us, add a link to this page. Share this post or email it to a friend. Become a follower of the blog and of our various social media pages.
We love to hear from you! Your thoughts, your questions, even your unfavourable opinions will help us to write more.
Drop a comment below, tell us what you think!
By commenting, sharing, and pinning, you are helping us grow! Also, check the notify button to know when your comment is replied.
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
1 Comment. Click here to comment
The subject of sexual fetishism is one of those taboos that is, well, not all that taboo. In the right atmosphere, people barely hesitate to share what "really turns them on," and you'd be hard-pressed to find a women's magazine that hasn't delved into the subject of fantasies, sex toys and stuff-he-won't-tell-you-he-wants.
Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation. The object or situation of interest is called the fetish. A sexual fetish may be regarded as an enhancing element to a romantic/sexual relationship "achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment)".
- Body piercings
- Hair
- Leather (masks, clothing, etc)
- Stiletto heels (the closer to erotic dancer versions the better)
- Feet
Bizarre Historical Fetishes
Fetishes have been around for centuries, probably even longer than recorded history. Yet, many people don't have a clue to some of the more bizarre ones that were popular in centuries past.
- Tentacle Rape - Late 18th Century - The modern tentacle rape genre was created by Toshio Maeda, whose manga Urotsukidoji "created what might be called the modern paradigm of tentacle porn," which we suppose in Japan is actually seen as an accomplishment rather than grounds for a sexual assault conviction. According to Maeda, he started the practice in order to get around Japan's strict censorship laws, which forbade the depiction of a penis but did not forbid penetration by anything else. While Maeda may have created the modern tentacle rape, he wasn't the inventor--not even close. Maeda was preceded by Katsushika Hokusai, an artist from the late 18th and early 19th century. Hokusai was the artist of the "Thirty-Six Views of Mount Fuji," an internationally recognized series of prints that earned him fame both locally and globally. Hokusai's "The Dream Of The Fisherman's Wife" is speculated to be the first instance of tentacle erotica, so by all means don't click that link if you're at work, there are children present or you have a soul.
- Autoerotic Asphyxiation - 17th Century - Experts say that on the list of most frequent causes of embarrassing deaths, autoerotic asphyxiation ranks just below tequila and above backyard wrestling. While the term "sex accident" may sound awesome--like a high speed collision with a tractor trailer made of nudity--the reality of it is hotel staff discovering your body strangled to death and clutching your genitals in a kung fu grip. According to ABC News, roughly 500 to 1000 young men accidentally die each year during autoerotic asphyxiation. Erotic asphyxiation goes back to the 1600s, when it was used as a treatment for erectile dysfunction, presumably because the patient in question would rather be dead than go on living.
- Foot Fetishism - 13th Century (or Earlier) - Put simply, the foot fetish is a sexual attraction to feet, be they wrapped up in stockings or bare. Foot fetishism has many forms, and can range from simple kissing and licking to full on penis massages. The first mention of foot fetishism we can find dates back to 1220 AD. Experts think the fetish got its start due to fear of STDs (history records show a lot more foot lovers during syphilis epidemics, like those of the 16th and 19th centuries). Keep in mind that back then, pretty much everything in the world gave you some version of the plague, let alone the festering bog of some peasant's vagina.
- Necrophilia - Fifth Century BC - This is having sex with dead bodies. Psychologists have theorized that there are a number of reasons why someone would be attracted to corpses, chief among them being the desire for a lifeless and unresistant partner (well, duh). But apparently the whole craze started the same way so many things start - with mummies. Herodotus (the Greek historian who lived in the fifth century BC) wrote in his Histories that, in order to stop people from having sex with corpses before mummification, the ancient Egyptians left them to decay for three or four days before handing them off to the embalmers. That's right: Necrophilia was such a problem for these guys that they had to take active preventative measures against it.
- Sadomasochism - 470 BC - Sadomasochism involves two consenting partners engaging in a style of sexual roleplay characterized by domination and submission. One partner, the dominant, inflicts pain, while the other partner, the submissive, receives it. S & M covers a wide range of activities, from simple verbal abuse and light spanking to full-blown flogging and humiliation. So if de Sade wasn't the father of sadomasochism, who was? Tarquinia's Tomb of the Floggings contains some of the earliest erotic artwork known to man, and they're almost 2,500 years old (dating around 470 BC). In addition to numerous depictions of orgies and guy-on-guy butt-tastic sex, we have a scene of what is clearly two dudes filling out one woman while whipping her back.
So the next time you are thinking about your own fetishes, hopefully you will wonder about its origins.
Look for more Fetish related posts in the future because this is an endless subject!
Leave any comments or interesting facts below! We love hearing from you!
Post title: " Fetishes - Did You Know......? "
Post title: " Fetishes - Did You Know......? "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 9/05/2013 12:29:00 AM September 5, 2013
Tell a friend about us, add a link to this page. Share this post or email it to a friend. Become a follower of the blog and of our various social media pages.
We love to hear from you! Your thoughts, your questions, even your unfavourable opinions will help us to write more.
Drop a comment below, tell us what you think!
By commenting, sharing, and pinning, you are helping us grow! Also, check the notify button to know when your comment is replied.
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
Tell a friend about us, add a link to this page. Share this post or email it to a friend. Become a follower of the blog and of our various social media pages.
We love to hear from you! Your thoughts, your questions, even your unfavourable opinions will help us to write more.
Drop a comment below, tell us what you think!
By commenting, sharing, and pinning, you are helping us grow! Also, check the notify button to know when your comment is replied.
Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!