Many new people to the world of BDSM don't have the education and/or experience to tell the difference of what is considered 'normal' and what is abuse in the BDSM Lifestyle.
Here is a list of things to look out for that are obvious signs of an Abuser posing as a Dominant.
- Controlling behavior due to fear of losing their partner.
- Isolating the submissive from family and friends
- Discouraging self sufficient behavior
- Not allowing any social interaction which does not include the Dominant
- Out of control jealousy
- Explosive temper
- Behaves like a spoiled child when not getting his/her way
- Abuses drugs/alcohol
- Does not take responsibility for mistakes
- Uses unhealthy behavior to gain control over the submissive
- Emotional Blackmail - example: Keeping the submissive in a constant state of fear that the relationship will end if they don't get their way.
- Emotional Withdrawal - example: Using the "silent treatment" or physically withdrawing and cutting off all contact rather than communicating and taking responsibility for the situation.
- Withdrawal of affection
- Refusing any/all intimacy as a punishment which can be quite damaging and reinforces the fear that the submissive will lose the relationship unless he/she gives into this type of blackmail.