For those in the vanilla world, they think BDSM is all about sex, bondage, and multiple partners. When they hear the word dominant, they only think that it is a very domineering person who is in charge of everything and who’s word is law. They think the dominant can do absolutely anything they want to, regardless of a submissive‘s desires, needs, or even objections. Those of us that actually live some type of version of a BDSM lifestyle know that the above statements are false.
We all know that a Dominant is the one who guides and a submissive is the one who follows. That is just the basic concept of roles in these types of relationships or dynamics. But, what happens when the submissive becomes the one that needs to guide the Dominant for some reason? How does the Dominant still retain dominance in the relationship while following the guidelines or advice from their submissive? It’s simple. Respect is the key.
Now, you’re asking yourself when would there be a time that a Dominant would follow a submissive in a BDSM dynamic, but still remain the dominant person in the relationship? There are many scenarios I can think of that this could happen, but the one I’m referring to is in a medical situation. I’ll use my situation with my master, known as Padrone, to share my feelings on this matter.
First I have to give you a little background on myself. Since January 10, 2018, I have been on a journey to get myself healthier by eating better and exercising. It is been 10 weeks and I have lost 7 kg which is about 14 pounds. I have done a lot of research on nutrition, exercise, and what not to do in order to lose weight at a healthy pace and keep it off while making my body more fit and stronger. I am not an expert by any means, but I have done a lot of research that has allowed me to gain knowledge that Padrone does not have.
Padrone actually ended up in the hospital for eight days because of a medical condition, and he had to change his entire lifestyle to no smoking, eating a completely different way, and adding exercise every day to his routine. While he is dealing with all of these new challenges, he’s also having to take a bunch of new medication at certain times of the day. I am helping him manage all of this so he can concentrate on himself.
The way I’m helping him manage all of this is by giving him his medications when he needs them, weighing all of his food and serving it to him at the appropriate times, and also encouraging him while sometimes nagging him to exercise. Given that he is my Master, you might think it would be very awkward to tell him what, how much, and when he can eat. A person would think that in a dynamic such as ours, that my providing food for Padrone would be in direct violation of a Master/slave relationship. But in our case it isn’t.
You see, Padrone still retains his role as Master and head of our household. I am still very much his submissive/slave as always. But in the case of exercise and food, he is allowing me to serve him by putting me in charge of these types of things so he doesn’t have to worry about it. He’s already dealing with the fallout of not smoking after smoking for 45 years, his body getting used to all these new medications, and having to actually do exercise every single day, which he still does not like at all but does because he knows he has to.
Some people might see him as relinquishing control of our relationship but that is not the case at all either. His relinquishing control of the medication and food distribution allows me to actually serve him even more because I’m able to help him get healthier and be right there with him every step of the way on his journey to get fit. So what some may see as a role reversal or equalization of the relationship, is actually just the continued bond of our dynamic working.
If you ever get into a situation as a submissive or slave, in which your Dominant needs you to step up and take control of certain aspects of your life or his life, don’t hesitate to do it. Mentally and physically, your Dominant probably needs the help and will appreciate your effort because it will make their life and situation much easier to deal with from whatever they’re going through. You are in fact supporting them and serving them by taking control of some aspects that you did not have control over before. Just always make sure you show them the respect you always have, you never use a tone of voice that you would not normally use with them, and you always give them the final decision. Sometimes, like in my case, you might have to nag a little bit to get them to exercise because they really do not want to. Just make sure you give them all the right reasons to do what you’re asking so they know it’s their choice, you’re just helping them implement that choice.
Sometimes people may think they aren’t strong enough to actually be able to do something like that. They don’t know if their relationship or dynamic could handle them stepping up or a Dominant giving up a little bit of their control so that it makes their life a little easier because their submissive or slave is willing to help them make some choices that are difficult for themselves to make. I can say from experience, that one never knows what one can endure or will do for those that they love the most.
So, when a submissive takes charge of certain aspects of a Dominant’s life, or situation, the submissive is actually serving the Dominant. In no way does it mean that the submissive is trying to top from the bottom or take over the relationship. It just means that the submissive cares enough for their Dominant to try to do everything they can to help the Dominant’s life be easier.
Share this post - support us:
I would like to introduce you all to a wonderful couple, Master Grimm and Slave Nalani.
They are a 24/7 BDSM couple that live the lifestyle while being cross-country or long haul truck drivers. I found Nalani so fascinating and their dynamic so beautiful, I asked her to share her story with us. I will be posting an entry from her each month. Below is her first post. One of the first lessons we all can learn from this wonderful couple is that you can't let anything stand in the way of your happiness. If you want to live the Lifestyle, there is always a way. Now, enjoy reading. |
| Slave Nalani & Master Grimm |
'I would like to introduce myself first before I start writing on my Journal's. My name is slave Nalani. I was born and raised in Rotterdam, The Netherlands. I am 35 years and old lived my whole life in Europe before I moved to the United States of America 3years ago.
As child I was always by myself and didn't have any good friends. Maybe it was because I was different than most kids, which I now know that was the case.
Both of my parents worked, my father as cook and my mother in the fabric industry. At age of 16, I found myself alone, standing on my own two feet. From that point on, I looked at the world wondering how to make it through, because I didn't have my parents anymore. As time went by and I became older, my submissive feelings became stronger, especially when I looked at black leather items and when I started to watch some erotic things. It was very strange to me, but I do need to emphasize that I was perfectly comfortable with it and with who I was.
I went to the Erotic Expo and ended up in the special part of it called "The SM Area" in Europe. My eyes were focused on the girl who got candle wax poured over her body and I watched all of the stuff the Dominant did to her. I felt warm while looking at it, and thought to myself “Wow wish I was that girl!” From that moment I knew, I was positive about who I really was for all those years!
As I researched more into the Why's and the How's online, I came across lots of information that took time for me to realize that this was what I really needed. I mean did I really want those spankings? Do I really want to have a ball in my mouth or the burning wax on my body? Then I started thinking that yes, it is exactly what I want. Why would my body get warm from it and why would my blood start flowing faster through my veins if I didn't really need it?
So I started reading books online and watching movies. The more information I found, the happier I became! One story I was reading online was about a couple who lives as Master and slave and oh my goodness that was exciting! The woman slave was explained how much she enjoyed her lifestyle and how much she loved to get her playtime with her Master, who was also her Husband.
Every time I read those stories, I felt warm all over and so happy at the same time! The more I searched and tried to find answers, the more I knew I am a submissive girl. I started hoping to become as happy as all those people who wrote about their lives online and in books one day.
But unfortunately I lived without BDSM or happiness for many years and I ended up in the wrong type of marriage, where I felt miserable and not happy at all! I got a divorce after being mistreated for years and again found myself alone. I worked and moved on with my life alone, which was a very painful time. I had no one to share my thoughts with, no one to share my needs with. How long could I hold it together like that?
I made some friends during that time who were cool, or so I thought they were. We talked a lot and had some good conversations. I thought well you know what? Now is the time to tell them that there is something different about me, so I did! I told them I had special feelings inside me and that I wished I could let it all out. Of course they didn't know what I was talking about, so I told them that I am a submissive and that I hope to find a Real Man in my life who will be my Master. Man, I was so wrong for telling them. They laughed and made fun of me! They told me that they "can beat me up" and that I don't have to live this lifestyle telling "bring me a newspaper we spank you”. I wished I hadn’t opened my mouth, but I thought it was okay. I stopped them from making fun of me and distanced myself from them.
More time went by and there was still no one to share my feelings with and no one to give my gift of submission to. Was I going to end up by myself in this world? Am I that strange to people that they are afraid of me for being a submissive? Why do people not understand that this is what makes me happy, that this is what I need? I need to be dominated to be controlled. My body needs to be taken to that place that only I can feel.'
Share this post - support us:
Can love exist in a BDSM relationship, or is it just two people satisfying mutual needs and gaining gratification?
Is it Love a sub feels for her Dom or is it 'Dom worship'? Does the Dom really care for His sub or does He just have a more fond feeling and a sense of responsibility for her?
Whether or not love should enter into a dominant / submissive relationship is something that is debated within the BDSM community. Whereas most will agree that there should be some form of caring involved, actually falling in love is often frowned upon. In the kinky world, things are a bit more complicated when it comes to relationship dynamics. There are fewer expectations, I think, of well-defined romantic relationships, than in the non-kinky world. With all the different personal preferences, there are more options than ever.
Those who frown on falling in love would argue that when such intense emotions enter into a BDSM relationship, they can interfere with the Dominant / submissive aspect of the relationship. When a submissive is in love with her Master, she is more prone to feelings of jealousy. She is also more prone to desire all of the things that one associates with falling in love, such as romance, marriage and family. When a Dominant falls in love with his submissive, he may be less likely to subject her to the humiliation, pain and control that he would normally offer to a submissive.
Those who say that falling in love is good in a Dominant / submissive relationship believe that such strong emotions serve to enhance the relationship. They believe that a Dominant who is in love with his submissive will be mindful of his submissive's safety in a way he might not be otherwise. It is also believed that a submissive who is in love with her Dominant will be more serious about the relationship and less prone to play games. She will be more obedient and will put the needs of her dominant first in a way she might not do otherwise.
There are many people I know who are part of different BDSM dynamics, and don’t have romantic relationships with their partners. In my view, love is very important as part of a long-term relationship such vulnerability on a deep level. For me, being with someone as a slave has to include love. However, that’s not always the case. There are several instances where love has nothing to do with it. There are connections such as friendship, service and desire.
Some relationships are sexual, without being more connected than just washing the back of someone who washed yours. Many choose this option when their primary partner (often a marriage partner) is unaware of or unwilling to participate in their kinky desires. This can often lead to cheating, and though non-monogamy is actually approved of in the kink world, dishonesty tends to be frowned upon.
Friendship can also be the basis for a BDSM based relationship. Those who might not want to be sexually involved, or who might want sex and kink but already have a romantic partner with no desire for another, can choose to not get romantically involved with someone. There are people who are married to vanilla partners and are deeply in love with them, but fulfill their kinky needs with others. Though they do that, some have no room, romantically, to love another in that romantic way. Still others cannot see being in love with someone who they might cause pain for, or dominate, or submit to (on the other end of that stick). It’s a choice to separate the two kinds of relationships, and for some it works well.
When embarking on a Dominant / submissive relationship, it is important to decide ahead of time what your boundaries are and communicate them to your partner. Nobody knows ahead of time if they will end up falling in love, but it is important to talk about how you will deal with it if it happens. What if one of you falls in love and the other one doesn't? This seems to be where the biggest problem can be, because the desires of one change whereas the desires of the other remains the same.
Open communication is the key to having a good relationship with your partner. Whether you believe it is a good idea or not to fall in love with your dominant or submissive...communication with one another will help you deal with the issue.
Is it Love a sub feels for her Dom or is it 'Dom worship'? Does the Dom really care for His sub or does He just have a more fond feeling and a sense of responsibility for her?
Whether or not love should enter into a dominant / submissive relationship is something that is debated within the BDSM community. Whereas most will agree that there should be some form of caring involved, actually falling in love is often frowned upon. In the kinky world, things are a bit more complicated when it comes to relationship dynamics. There are fewer expectations, I think, of well-defined romantic relationships, than in the non-kinky world. With all the different personal preferences, there are more options than ever.
Those who frown on falling in love would argue that when such intense emotions enter into a BDSM relationship, they can interfere with the Dominant / submissive aspect of the relationship. When a submissive is in love with her Master, she is more prone to feelings of jealousy. She is also more prone to desire all of the things that one associates with falling in love, such as romance, marriage and family. When a Dominant falls in love with his submissive, he may be less likely to subject her to the humiliation, pain and control that he would normally offer to a submissive.
There are many people I know who are part of different BDSM dynamics, and don’t have romantic relationships with their partners. In my view, love is very important as part of a long-term relationship such vulnerability on a deep level. For me, being with someone as a slave has to include love. However, that’s not always the case. There are several instances where love has nothing to do with it. There are connections such as friendship, service and desire.
Some relationships are sexual, without being more connected than just washing the back of someone who washed yours. Many choose this option when their primary partner (often a marriage partner) is unaware of or unwilling to participate in their kinky desires. This can often lead to cheating, and though non-monogamy is actually approved of in the kink world, dishonesty tends to be frowned upon.
Friendship can also be the basis for a BDSM based relationship. Those who might not want to be sexually involved, or who might want sex and kink but already have a romantic partner with no desire for another, can choose to not get romantically involved with someone. There are people who are married to vanilla partners and are deeply in love with them, but fulfill their kinky needs with others. Though they do that, some have no room, romantically, to love another in that romantic way. Still others cannot see being in love with someone who they might cause pain for, or dominate, or submit to (on the other end of that stick). It’s a choice to separate the two kinds of relationships, and for some it works well.
When embarking on a Dominant / submissive relationship, it is important to decide ahead of time what your boundaries are and communicate them to your partner. Nobody knows ahead of time if they will end up falling in love, but it is important to talk about how you will deal with it if it happens. What if one of you falls in love and the other one doesn't? This seems to be where the biggest problem can be, because the desires of one change whereas the desires of the other remains the same.
Open communication is the key to having a good relationship with your partner. Whether you believe it is a good idea or not to fall in love with your dominant or submissive...communication with one another will help you deal with the issue.
Share this post - support us:
