Michelle Fegatofi

I honestly can’t believe that 2017 has passed by so fast. I say that every single year though. As I get older, it seems that my perception of time differs and speeds up. Just like every year that passes, we’ve had ups and downs. I’ve personally struggled with the motivation to write, been distracted by outside factors, dealt with a health scare in my immediate family and faced other unforeseen challenges. I’ve been horrified by the unprecedented amounts of Natural Disasters, humanitarian crisis, and upheavals in what should have been stable governments. 2017 was definitely a year of much turmoil. 

But, I’m not going to talk about all the bad. Too many blogs, regardless of their type, focus on negativity versus positivity. Many bloggers will write another Year in Review that is some version of “New Year New You”, “New Year Renew You”, and my favorite, “New Year Just Be You”. I’m not going that route either. Why? Because it’s been done so many times that I honestly don’t have anything else to add to those. While each of those mottos are great for your self-motivation, they aren’t something I’m feeling this year.

I personally am continuing forward on the path I’ve been on in 2017. While there have been many bumps in the road, I actually like where this journey is taking me. In 2018, I’m going to live one day at a time. I’m altering my daily schedule so that it will allow me time to explore new paths in my personal life journey. Yes, I’m definitely going to continue to write, blog and advise on the BDSM Lifestyle, but I also want to branch out try writing fiction. I have no idea if I’ll be any good at it, or if I will even get a book finished, but I’m determined to try. 

I’m also starting a monthly segment in which I want to showcase a submissive’s talent or hobby that was encouraged or inspired by their Dominant. What do I mean? Well, I’ll use myself as an example. I love doing basic restoration on old furniture. It’s something that I learned at a young age but just kind of left behind as I got older. Padrone encouraged me to take it up again. He found a gorgeous solid wood table and chairs that needed restoration and encouraged me to video my progress. I did and will be releasing those videos in January on our YouTube channel. Without his encouragement, I really doubt I would have tried restoring furniture again.

I know you are thinking that everything I’ve said has absolutely nothing to do with a BDSM relationship or lifestyle. That’s where you would be wrong. Why? The one main factor that has held true through everything I’ve seen, done, or even thought about, was that my Master/Owner/Dominant/Partner Padrone Marco has been right beside me through every aspect of my life this past year: guiding, supporting, and encouraging. Our dynamic is definitely unique to us and not one every couple could use, but it has brought us even closer together. A lot of people in BDSM dynamics focus mainly on the sexual aspects and power exchange involved in this type of relationship. They don’t really think about how their dynamic can affect every aspect in the periphery of their lives. 

This year, try doing what makes you happy. Don’t feel that you need to make resolutions and keep them just because everyone tells you to. Goals are great as long as you are happy and understand that it may be a long haul before you reach it. 

Don’t be so negative about yourself or life. Think about all the positives that you have and remind yourself every day about them. Strive to help those around you stay positive. You might be surprised how these types little changes can impact you. 

Try something different. What have you been putting off that you’ve never done before? Stop making excuses. Need more time? Take the time. Need money you don’t think you have to do something? Make a plan and stick to it to save the money. There are probably many things in your daily life that you can streamline or change to save both time and money. 

Most of all, enjoy living! Living is much more than just being alive. It’s about our connections, feelings and experiences. Don’t ever take any of it for granted. 

I hope you have had a wonderful 2017 and wish you all an awesome 2018. 

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Post title: " Bye 2017! Hello 2018! "

Michelle Fegatofi

I’ve been in the Lifestyle for over 20 years and the title of ‘slave’ has always been given by the Master to their property. In the past five years or so, within groups on social media, it has become somewhat fashionable to identify as a slave rather than just a submissive, despite having no experience in BDSM and no real frame of reference.

I posed this question to different social sites asking for their thoughts on self-awarded titles and the responses were extremely varying. Some thought that it was up to the Dominant to give out the title of slave if they felt like it was earned. Others think that the sub has the right to call themselves by whichever title they want as they are the ones it is referring to. Many thought that too much importance was being given to titles/labels and think they should be done away with completely.

Personally, I think every bottom should stay with the title ‘submissive’ until they engage in a Master/slave dynamic and get trained to become the slave of that Master. How else can a person actually know and understand what it means to transition from a submissive to a BDSM Consensual Slave? There are many differences between the two and the titles cannot be interchanged.

Of course, everyone has their own opinion and it’s up to the individual to decide how they will proceed with their journey through the Lifestyle. I’ve written many posts about my thoughts on the different types of submissives, the new titles and descriptions that have popped up in the past 5 years or so, as well as the actual differences between being a submissive and a slave in a BDSM relationship.

I was trained by members of the Old Guard, so I tend to lean that way in my thoughts involving BDSM matters. I believe that there are steps you can not cross or circumvent just to gain a title. Just like respect, titles are earned.

The first thing a person has to do is to gain a basic knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. After this, they can continue on with their journey, as a Dominant or a submissive, and hopefully find a relationship or dynamic that works for them. Once a couple get together, hopefully makes a limits list and a contract outlining the rules of the dynamic, this would be the appropriate time to discuss different titles, such as submissive or slave, Dominant or Master. How can a person decide they are automatically a slave with no knowledge or experience actually living as one in a relationship setting? It’s impossible and takes the meaning from the word. It actually demeans the title in my opinion.

Let me clarify something. I am not saying that a person cannot have slave tendencies, while still remaining a submissive. This is a different thing. A person can actually say they are a submissive with slave tendencies, while remaining a submissive until they find a dynamic in which they or their Master gives them the permission to use the title of slave.

With the influx of so many new people online exploring the BDSM community, obviously things will change in the Lifestyle and continue to evolve. But, if we do not hold on to the basic teachings, roles, titles, and rules, BDSM will cease to exist and something else entirely different will evolve. I personally, will work to uphold the core values of the Old Guard way of practicing BDSM while keeping an open mind and watching BDSM evolve in ways we have yet to imagine.

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Post title: " Can You be a Slave if You are Brand New to BDSM? "