Recently I was diagnosed with a very bad case of acid reflux called Gerd.
I found out that the worst of it could be controlled by changing what and how I eat. I looked at it as a lifestyle change, not a diet. To me, diet is another word for "get skinny" and that was not my goal. My goal was, and is, to eat but not be sick or have that nasty burning feeling all the time.
So, I went back to my longer walks and this new way of eating. I can't have fried foods, chocolate, most stuff with tomato in it, most juices, anything with caffeine (coffee, tea, soda) and much more. To keep the acid from not working, I have to eat small meals around the clock when I am awake. If I eat too much I get the reflux. If I don't always have a little something in my stomach, I get reflux. Get the picture?
I write and try to teach women to love themselves as they are, no matter what their size or how much they weigh. As long as you are healthy and feel good, don't let society dictate your happiness or give you a complex about your body.
So, in the first two weeks I lost 4 pounds just because of the different eating patterns and the extra long walks. That's when I fell into the numbers trap!
I started thinking, "If I could lose 10 pounds, I would look so much better" and "If I can continue to lose 2 or more pounds a week I will be even better". I have been so busy with the new book, websites, and my overall life and slave duties to Padrone that I didn't even realize my brain had started creeping back into that old way of thinking.
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| The Bare Me - No makeup or touch ups |
So, tonight was the night I had picked to weigh myself to see if I had in fact lost more weight. I felt my clothes fitting differently since I had been walking more, so doesn't that mean I should have lost weight? NOT! It turns out I have not lost any new weight, but in fact gained 1 pound back. It's not a lot, I know. But, if you have fallen in the numbers trap then it is a huge deal to you! I almost freaked! I got off the scale and was really getting pissed at myself.
Right then Padrone's training kicked in. That's when I remembered. I remembered how much Padrone makes me feel wanted. I remembered how good I think I looked in my clothes just the night before. I remember how much I actually like my curvy, hourglass shape. I thought to myself then and there "What the heck am I doing?!"
I had let myself fall back into that old way of thinking and look at what it almost did to me! I vowed I would never go back to that self-pitying place again, nor would I ever think I am anything less that fabulous! Because, you know what, there is only one me so that means I am perfect in my own skin, just as I am.
Yes, I will continue to eat the new way because it has almost completely wiped out the reflux, and boy does hurt like hell and burn when it acts up! I will also keep up my walks because my dog and I both enjoy them. But, I will not get on the scale, nor will I worry about how much I actually weigh.
You might ask why I shared this? It's because I hope none of you fall victim to the numbers game or back into that black, endless hole of self-doubt about your body. If you have, STOP IT!
If you have body image issues, I ask you to go and read my previous articles on ways to help you learn to love your body as it is, no matter if you are a size 2, 12, or 22.
All women are beautiful. Remember that.
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So, I found out the other day my blog is #3 on a list of sites that are all BDSM related on http://www.ranker.com/list/bdsm-social-networks/dot-commander.
I had no clue. I decided to Google my name to see where else my book or blog might be and found out I'm mentioned on some very interesting sites that I never knew about until now.
My book is mentioned in an online encyclopedia under a section called Relevant Books on:
http://www.isnare.com/encyclopedia/Risk-aware_consensual_kink
http://www.isnare.com/encyclopedia/Dominant_(BDSM)
http://www.isnare.com/encyclopedia/Subspace_(BDSM)
http://www.isnare.com/encyclopedia/Switch_(BDSM)
http://www.amazon.com/Bdsm-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101
http://www.amazon.ca/BDSM-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bdsm-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101
http://www.amazon.de/Bdsm-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101
http://www.lulu.com/shop/michelle-fegatofi/bdsm-basics-for-beginners-a-guide-for-dominants-and-submissives-starting-to-explore-the-lifestyle/ebook/product-20919719.html
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bdsm-basics-for-beginners-a-guide-for-dominants-and-submissives-starting-to-explore-the-lifestyle-michelle-fegatofi/1115085227?ean=9781300838609
https://itunes.apple.com/ca/book/bdsm-basics-for-beginners/id627641268?mt=11
http://www.tower.com/tower_search/search_2.cfm?keywords=Michelle%20Fegatofi&div_id=1
http://www.bokus.com/cgi-bin/product_search.cgi?authors=Michelle%20Fegatofi
http://www.redpepperbooks.co.za/QuickSearch.aspx?Author=Michelle%20Fegatofi
http://www.bookrenter.com/michelle-fegatofi/textbooks-by
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17667099-bdsm-basics-for-beginners---a-guide-for-dominants-and-submissives-starti
http://www.redconceptual.com/submissive/en
http://www.shopwahl.at/a/produktliste/idx/3030100/mot/Bdsm/produktliste.htm
http://www.shopwahl.de/a/produktliste/idx/3030100/mot/Bdsm/produktliste.htm
I also found my blog and articles I have written on many different sites around the world. Some of the sites reposted the articles in their original format. Others hacked them and posted only bits and pieces. That I don't like, but what can I do? At least they didn't steal them outright and try to pass them off for their own.
It was an eye opener! So, take the time and see where you might come up if you google your own name!
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I tried logging into my tumblr account michellefegatofi.tumblr.com today and it was gone.
I sent an email to their help desk and they said it was deleted because I used an affiliate's tag and was now considered a spammer. So, apparently, using the same hashtag is a no no. Lesson learned.
I decided to open a new account and rebuild my followers. When I was adjusting the settings, I got a big surprise! The now-Yahoo-owned blogging network made a significant change to the way adult-themed blogs could be discovered on the site, which even further hid their content from public consumption.
One of the best things about Tumblr was that if you knew how to utilize hashtags properly, you could get your name, business, or internet site indexed on the web much faster and acquire many more followers faster. Now with their new settings, only followers can search your content. Adult themed blogs will not be searchable within Tumblr or on the net. So, now I am on the fence if I even want to bother with populating the new account.
It makes sense that Tumblr may not want to index NSFW content — especially if the company wants to sell ads on more content — but rather than putting up faux walls for discovery or denying access to certain terms in mobile apps, the company should create an explicit opt-in setting that allows users to decide if they want to see potentially adult or NSFW content in search. Turn it off by default if you want. This wouldn't be unlike how Google allows users to omit NSFW or adult content from their settings.
If Tumblr isn't careful about how it handles the community response to its new policies, it could backfire.
What do you think of Tumblr's new policies? Are you outraged or is this much ado about nothing? Let us know in the comments.
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The following is an excerpt from the book The Submissive Guide I am currently working on:
There are many levels and versions of submission.
One way to ensure a good BDSM relationship is to be up front in what you want during play time, personal service and sexual service. State what your desires and needs are and there will be a lot less mistakes. Dominants are not mind readers. Be clear on your limits. Some submissives only submit in sexual scenes and not in the rest of their lives, while others give over their entire life to a Dominant. Some subs only want to be servant subs with no sexual acts ever taking place.
The following list isn't intended as a rigid classification. Most submissives don't fall neatly into one category. There are still further shades in between. I have listed what I term as the most common types of submissives.
The Conceptual Submissive:
This submissive is one that learns everything they know about submission from romance or erotica books and the internet. This submissive will normally only become an online sub or slave and try to administer advice to others with no real experience or concept of what BDSM is. They usually live a vanilla life outside of the cyber world.
The Mental Submissive:
The mental submissive begins his or her submission in their mind. This person is submissive in and out of the bedroom. They generally have a need to submit or surrender to a Dominant. The act of submission is all mental but can also consist of physical. S/he can give as much or as little as they wish to or need to give. The surrendering is the power exchange. Once the surrender occurs, they can become an empty vessel for the Dominants to mold in whatever image they wish. Love is not required, as this is a mental submission.
The Romantic Submissive:
This type of submissive wishes to surrender everything, without becoming a slave. In comparison with the mental submissive, a romantic submissive craves the love of the Dominant they submit to. The act of submission is full of emotion and love. They give all they have for the return of love and trust from the Dominant they serve.
The Bedroom Submissive:
This type of submissive is Vanilla in every facet of their life or even Dominant, but when the bedroom door shuts, the roles drop and they submit to the Dominant. The bedroom is where the power exchange happens and stays. This submission is almost always sexual in nature. In the bedroom, the act of submission is complete. But, when the bedroom door is open, the bedroom submissive returns to the vanilla world or role.
The Servant:
This type of submissive is only interested in serving a Dominant. This submissive typically does not include sexual activities. They run errands, clean the home, run a Dominant's calendar or arrange meetings for the Dominant. This type of submissive satisfies their submissive needs by doing things for other people. This is a very special type of submissive.
The Sex Slave:
This submissive is in this Lifestyle for sex, with one person, many people, or in any way that can be imagined. This person rarely has any limits when it comes to sex and will allow a Dominant to use pain as a method of arousal and release, with little or no cautions. This submissive cannot imagine any punishment worse than being locked in a chastity device or not given permission to masturbate or have sexual release.
The Slave:
Unlike a submissive, a slave must surrender completely and be completely controlled by a Master. The slave must feel completely owned. They can become a different person when a Master trains them to serve Him/Her in whatever way they prefer. When Master is happy, the slave is happy. They feel most complete when with a Master. The slave beams when s/he brings Master pleasure.
The SAMs (Smart Ass Masochists):
These are 'Smart Ass Masochists'. They deliberately misbehave all the time so the Dominant will punish them. These types of subs are frowned upon in the BDSM community. Most people feel these subs are too weak to honestly ask for what they want. At times, they can provoke real anger without thinking how their behavior can affect the Dominant. The Dominant may then lose control and do actual harm to the SAM. They feel great remorse in losing control and can lose confidence in their Dominant abilities.
The Attention Seeker:
These types of submissives are the ones that always do things to seek attention from other submissives and Dominants alike. They post status updates on web sites that try to make you feel sorry for them, post lots of pictures of themselves in various states of undress, not because they are proud of their bodies but from the need to receive good comments to make validate their efforts, and are generally very whiney. These kinds of submissives are mostly found in cyberspace and are generally frowned on by real life BDSM practitioners.
The UBER (Alpha) Submissive:
This person believes they are the ultimate, uber submissive. They think no one can come close to their knowledge, level of submissiveness, or training in protocol. They believe they are a step above all other subs and slaves. These people are generally not real submissives. They tend to read books and articles about the Lifestyle, may even submit to a Dom, but generally have no experience and don’t know what to do with book knowledge in real situations. They also do not have the need to submit internally and only want to do it for the experience.
Now, these are the different types of subs/slaves that I use to categorize. Don't forget that you may not fall into just one area, but several.
You also may not agree with my descriptions. But hopefully, this will give you a broader understanding of the different levels of submission and the many forms it can come in.
You also may not agree with my descriptions. But hopefully, this will give you a broader understanding of the different levels of submission and the many forms it can come in.
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