--> What Type of Submissive are You? | BDSM Unveiled

The following is an excerpt from the book The Submissive Guide I am currently working on: 

There are many levels and versions of submission.

One way to ensure a good BDSM relationship is to be up front in what you want during play time, personal service and sexual service. State what your desires and needs are and there will be a lot less mistakes. Dominants are not mind readers. Be clear on your limits. Some submissives only submit in sexual scenes and not in the rest of their lives, while others give over their entire life to a Dominant. Some subs only want to be servant subs with no sexual acts ever taking place.

The following list isn't intended as a rigid classification. Most submissives don't fall neatly into one category. There are still further shades in between. I have listed what I term as the most common types of submissives.

The Conceptual Submissive:

  The Conceptual Submissive 

This submissive is one that learns everything they know about submission from romance or erotica books and the internet. This submissive will normally only become an online sub or slave and try to administer advice to others with no real experience or concept of what BDSM is. They usually live a vanilla life outside of the cyber world. 

The Mental Submissive: 

The Mental Submissive 

The mental submissive begins his or her submission in their mind. This person is submissive in and out of the bedroom. They generally have a need to submit or surrender to a Dominant. The act of submission is all mental but can also consist of physical. S/he can give as much or as little as they wish to or need to give. The surrendering is the power exchange. Once the surrender occurs, they can become an empty vessel for the Dominants to mold in whatever image they wish. Love is not required, as this is a mental submission

The Romantic Submissive:

The Romantic Submissive 

This type of submissive wishes to surrender everything, without becoming a slave. In comparison with the mental submissive, a romantic submissive craves the love of the Dominant they submit to. The act of submission is full of emotion and love. They give all they have for the return of love and trust from the Dominant they serve

The Bedroom Submissive: 

The Bedroom Submissive 

This type of submissive is Vanilla in every facet of their life or even Dominant, but when the bedroom door shuts, the roles drop and they submit to the Dominant. The bedroom is where the power exchange happens and stays. This submission is almost always sexual in nature. In the bedroom, the act of submission is complete. But, when the bedroom door is open, the bedroom submissive returns to the vanilla world or role.

The Servant:

  The servant 

This type of submissive is only interested in serving a Dominant. This submissive typically does not include sexual activities. They run errands, clean the home, run a Dominant's calendar or arrange meetings for the Dominant. This type of submissive satisfies their submissive needs by doing things for other people. This is a very special type of submissive. 

The Sex Slave:

The sex slave 

This submissive is in this Lifestyle for sex, with one person, many people, or in any way that can be imagined. This person rarely has any limits when it comes to sex and will allow a Dominant to use pain as a method of arousal and release, with little or no cautions. This submissive cannot imagine any punishment worse than being locked in a chastity device or not given permission to masturbate or have sexual release

The Slave: 

The slave 

Unlike a submissive, a slave must surrender completely and be completely controlled by a Master. The slave must feel completely owned. They can become a different person when a Master trains them to serve Him/Her in whatever way they prefer. When Master is happy, the slave is happy. They feel most complete when with a Master. The slave beams when s/he brings Master pleasure.

The SAMs (Smart Ass Masochists): 

Smart Ass Masochist 

These are 'Smart Ass Masochists'. They deliberately misbehave all the time so the Dominant will punish them. These types of subs are frowned upon in the BDSM community. Most people feel these subs are too weak to honestly ask for what they want. At times, they can provoke real anger without thinking how their behavior can affect the Dominant. The Dominant may then lose control and do actual harm to the SAM. They feel great remorse in losing control and can lose confidence in their Dominant abilities. 

The Attention Seeker: 

The Attention Seeker 

These types of submissives are the ones that always do things to seek attention from other submissives and Dominants alike. They post status updates on web sites that try to make you feel sorry for them, post lots of pictures of themselves in various states of undress, not because they are proud of their bodies but from the need to receive good comments to make validate their efforts, and are generally very whiney. These kinds of submissives are mostly found in cyberspace and are generally frowned on by real life BDSM practitioners. 

The UBER (Alpha) Submissive:

The Alpha Submissive 

This person believes they are the ultimate, uber submissive. They think no one can come close to their knowledge, level of submissiveness, or training in protocol. They believe they are a step above all other subs and slaves. These people are generally not real submissives. They tend to read books and articles about the Lifestyle, may even submit to a Dom, but generally have no experience and don’t know what to do with book knowledge in real situations. They also do not have the need to submit internally and only want to do it for the experience. 

Now, these are the different types of subs/slaves that I use to categorize. Don't forget that you may not fall into just one area, but several.
You also may not agree with my descriptions. But hopefully, this will give you a broader understanding of the different levels of submission and the many forms it can come in.

Post title: " What Type of Submissive are You? "
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  1. I have learned a lot from site, I've been very interested in this life style for a long time, but I must say you have done a wonderful job. I have and will continue to learn more.

    1. Thank you and welcome. I hope you learn a lot from the blog about the lifestyle, but also about the path you wish to walk.

  2. I think maybe I'm a mental submissive with a naughtier side. Does that make me a SAM? D:

  3. What about 'LGs' or little girls would this fit into one of the categories or be one on it's own?

    1. Littles are a type of submissive behavior.

    2. Do you have a artical on types of submissive behaviours?

  4. I get wanting to classify but people don't always fit perfectly in those selections.
    I'd fit into the mental submissive however I do need love and romance to fully become slave.

  5. I now know that i am a slave, thanks to this article.

  6. I know this post is old, but I'm slightly confused about something, and I hope you're willing/able to address it. So, first of all, I actually feel like I'm a combo of Romantic Sub, Bedroom Sub, and SAM - but none of my partners have ever experienced any kind of "real anger" and I can assure you, I knew and still know(though I'm not sexually active at this time) what I want.

    I'm very new to the BDSM community as a whole(I actually am not even "in" the community because any time I've ever tried, I was belittled because I am NOT a 24/7 sub), so maybe I'm just not understanding something.

    But what you wrote here for SAM - that doesn't sound like me. What I mean is, I know exactly what I want - I want to "fight" or have a "dominance struggle" when it comes to sex, but in the end I will always submit; I just happen to love being made to do something, and yes, I enjoy sexual punishment, but it's boring *for me* to just.. be punished. That isn't very fun for me.

    From what I know of BDSM, communication is key. So if a dom can't communicate that they don't want to be challenged, how is that the SAM's fault? Why is it so wrong for us to like what we like?

    I am very open about myself when I'm romantically interested in someone. I'm very clear that I like to push buttons and provoke. I'm also very clear that if there are buttons I cannot push, I will not push those buttons. Communication. My most recent long-term partner enjoyed it when I slapped him because of that spark of anger, and it intensified our sex life in a good way for both of us. There is now someone that I'm interested in, and we've had this discussion, and he is not okay with being slapped, so I would never slap him. Communication.

    I guess I'm a bit offended because this is painting "SAMs" in this negative light, but I think it really boils down to communication. Like I said, none of my sexual partners had any issues with me pushing buttons specifically for that sexual punishment. None ever became genuinely angry. None ever genuinely wanted to cause harm to me.

    If I'm misunderstanding something, or if I'm getting the definition of SAM totally wrong, or if I just shouldn't be in the BDSM community period because I don't fit the mold of a perfectly obedient sub, please, let me know. I am genuinely curious about this because I don't understand, and I would like to so that, moving forward, I can be even more open and honest with my future partner(s).

    Thank you,


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