Michelle Fegatofi

As you all know, so many pages containing BDSM and Adult content were suspended or deleted by FB this past week. While we are fighting to retain the right to be represented on various social media sites, we should also take the time to rebuild a bigger, stronger, and closer nit community.

There are many petty feuds between people and groups because of differing opinions or just personality clashes. Let's all try to put those aside and come together as a real online community of BDSM practitioners to combat those that are trying to dictate their beliefs on how the world should be run and what morals are right. As intelligent and rational adults, I believe we have the right to make that choice ourselves.

Yes, I realize many of you might think my enthusiasm or passion for trying to combat this censorship of Adult Content on the social media sites is futile, maybe even laughable. You may laugh. You may not agree with me at all. Because of my belief in and love for this Lifestyle and being a 24/7 slave to my Padrone, it has become my mission in life to help guide those new to the scene find their own path and way of practicing a BDSM relationship. I can not begin to tell you what a nightmare my life was and how lost I had become before meeting and submitting to Padrone. I truly believe it saved my sanity and my true personality.

BDSM International's appeal was denied and the original page is set to be deleted. So, I made a new page called BDSM International 2.0. I am looking at this as an opportunity to begin anew. We had over 35,200 when FB shut us down, but many of them were not active at all on the site. I am hoping that the new followers will be comprised of a larger, more interactive group so that we can debate, trade ideas, and learn together in a safe environment.

So, if you are thinking of rebuilding your page, think of it as not only a protest against FB in the fact that we just keep rebuilding and refuse to give up our presence on social media sites, but an opportunity to gain a closer, more interactive audience and the grass roots of rebuilding a stronger community.

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Post title: " Rebuilding a Bigger and Better BDSM Online Community "

Michelle Fegatofi

Have you been on Facebook lately and noticed that many of your favorite pages are missing? Wonder why this happened? Here is a little background history.

Laura Bates, founder of the Everyday Sexism Project, writer and activist Soraya Chemaly and Jaclyn Friedman from Women, Action & the Media joined forces to launch the hashtag Twitter campaign #FBRape in May 2013. The campaign focuses on content that portrays rape and violence against women positively. More than 50,000 have tweeted in support of the FBrape campaign and around 5,000 have emailed brands whose advertising appears around the content.

Following the week long campaign blitz, at least 15 International companies pulled their ads, including Nissan UK, Nationwide UK, J Street and WestHost. On May 29, 2013, Facebook announced it would update its policies on hate speech, increase accountability of content creators and train staff to be more responsive to complaints, marking a victory for women's rights activists. 

Now, we do support the removal of pictures portraying abused women and children from Facebook. But, there has to be a line drawn when they go overboard with picture removal and start closing legitimate educational BDSM Lifestyle pages. What the general public and FB doesn't seem to understand is that BDSM is a way of living between two or more consenting adults. Yes, it is not mainstream and there are many aspects of it that would be deemed vile or the regression of women's rights because some of us choose to happily and willing submit to a man.

However, BDSM is not only made up of male Dominants and female submissives. There are female Dominants and submissives, male Dominants and submissives, and Transgender Dominants and submissives. We are a wide and diverse community. Our practices are not aimed at harming anyone, nor are they done without consent. During play (a scene) where any form of S&M is involved, the submissive has a safety net of sorts by having the ability to use a safeword for any reason. A safeword is a word that stops all play and the submissive is immediately taken out of any action they may be in and cared for.

There are several feminist groups that support our right to live our lifestyle as we want, but there are also many moralist and feminist groups that deem BDSM as harmful, immoral, and indecent. The reason they think it's wrong is because they do not understand deeply what BDSM really is.

One of the most caring, deep, and honest relationships I have ever witnessed are those that live a BDSM Lifestyle. The core foundations of a true loving D/s relationship is trust, complete honesty, and open, two way communication. 

The fallout of the FBrape campaign has been the trampling of the BDSM Community's rights to have a presence on social media sites. There have been hundreds of legitimate Facebook pages that have been unpublished and deleted since FB's policy changes were introduced. Some pages have put in appeals and have been restored.

It seems like the overall morals of society and the internet companies are suddenly taking a step back in time by bowing to the moralist groups and allowing them to dictate what everyone else's beliefs should be, thus inhibiting the rights of minority groups to have freedom of speech and expression. I realize because of the monetary loss to Facebook's revenue, they may not have a choice but to bow to the moralist beliefs of the Feminist groups pressuring them. But surely, they are a big enough company and believe in the rights of freedom of expression and freedom of speech, to implement changes that would balance the wants of the moralist groups while allowing us to live and express ourselves as we want to.

We understand that parents are worried about what their children see on the internet, but it is not our responsibility to police them. We use the built in page settings to make sure no one under age is allowed to see our pages. Parents have to take responsibility for their own children's actions and learn to monitor their internet usage more.

Facebook should also take off the option that allows your friends to see what content you are linking and change it to people having to allow chosen individuals the option to see their likes. As of today, if you don't like or agree with certain pages or content on FB, you can always choose the option to block that page so you won't ever see their content. To me, this seems like it would be the obvious and adult option to take.

So, where does this leave us as a community? Apparently out in the cold or back in the closet, unless we get an organized campaign together to combat these changes and demand our own rights.

I ask all of you, please tweet, email, call, knock on doors, and contact everyone you can think of that will help us get the word out as well as to come together as a community to demand our equal rights to be seen and heard. Use the hashtag #StopBDSMFBCensorship in all of your protest communications.

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Post title: " What's Happening With FB's Censorship of BDSM/Adult Pages "

Michelle Fegatofi

There are so many ways to practice the BDSM Lifestyle. There are so many different types of people in the world that they are bound to be clashes at some point. But, we all have to be adult enough to put those clashes aside.

To get anything done and actually make a difference in any of the FB policies, we have to unite together as a united front, beyond our differences, petty arguments, and disagreements. We have to show that we are one community and we are all fighting for the same goal.

If we come at the world like a crazed mob, calling those that disagree with us bad names, sending hate mail, or shouting at the top of our lungs how our way is the right way, we will never get anywhere or be taken seriously.

So, please, if you are doing anything to help us #StopBDSMFBCensorship , then get on board and help us in creative and intelligent ways so we do present a united, intelligent front.

I am part of a group that is growing rapidly and we are working toward the same goal as one unit. If you would like to join, please contact me or comment below.

Thank you and keep up the fight!

Michelle Fegatofi

Below is a list of sites to tweet a message to with the hashtag #StopBDSMFBCensorship . Feel free to send me any suggestions for more people or organizations that will help further our cause. If you know any people in the media or in wide spread organizations, please contact them and let them know of our cause.
Please get out there and spread the word!

Here is an example of some of the tweets that my Padrone has been working on:

@bdsmovementnet Pls help promote the cause against FB shutting down BDSM pages #StopBDSMfbCensorship http://goo.gl/hXlXd

https://twitter.com/FetLife
https://twitter.com/informedconsent
https://twitter.com/AlterNet
https://twitter.com/subguide
https://twitter.com/cnn
https://twitter.com/bbc
https://twitter.com/BBCWorld
https://twitter.com/cbs
https://twitter.com/wikileaks
https://twitter.com/aljazeera
https://twitter.com/abc
https://twitter.com/abcnews
https://twitter.com/Independent_ie
https://twitter.com/time
https://twitter.com/Tweet__News
https://twitter.com/scoopit
https://twitter.com/NCSF

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Post title: " Present a United Front to Stop FB BDSM Page Censorship "

Michelle Fegatofi

Care about being able to browse what you like on FB and other social media pages? Let people know you will not stand for censorship of our BDSM Lifestyle! Post, share, enlist others help to get the word out!

#stopbdsmfbcensorship

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Post title: " Care About Freedom to Browse without Censorship on FB? "

Michelle Fegatofi

If you are on Twitter, Please get the message out to stop FB from deleting pages. Use the hashtag

#StopBDSMFBCensorship to help get the word out faster! You can also use it on all social media sites!

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Post title: " PLEASE USE THIS HASHTAG FOR ANTI-CENSORSHIP OF BDSM SITES "

Michelle Fegatofi

Hello all!

Well, in case you haven't heard, over on FB over 90 BDSM pages have been deleted because of this ridiculous witch hunt started by those freakin feminist groups that have nothing better to do than judge our lifestyle by their values. One of those pages was my page named BDSM International.

 

Yes, to me they are Communist because I still believe in free speech. If they don't like or agree with our Lifestyle, why go on our pages? We don't go on your page bitching about you not shaving your underarms, do we? Nope! so leave us the fuck alone!

Please if you have not already, go here and sign the petition to stop BDSM pages from being targeted as violent pages when we are not!

http://www.change.org/petitions/facebook-stop-targeting-bdsm-pages-as-violence-against-women?utm_campaign=share_button_mobile&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition

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Post title: " It's BDSM Black Saturday Over on Facebook! "

Michelle Fegatofi

In response to all the groups who feel BDSM and Dominant/submissive relationships in general are demeaning or violence against women, I have to speak my mind, which is my opinion as a respected member of our community, and as a Master.

I would like to explain so others may better understand several things:
(for reference - Dom/mes is the collective term for male and female Dominants within our lifestyle)

First: If in fighting for women's rights, you take away their right to live as they choose to live of their own free will, you may be much more oppressive than you believe us to be. We as Dom/mes look for strong-minded people who can make the informed decision to submit. There is nothing gained by imposing control over people too weak to stand up for themselves; quite often Dom/mes stand up for those too weak or unwilling to do so. We guide those who lack strength away from predators and help them find pride and strength within themselves.

Second: We are not demeaning to women; we work very hard to provide an environment that instills pride, growth and self-confidence. We have great respect for those who choose to live this lifestyle, especially the submissives we love so much. They give us the greatest gift imaginable... themselves, fully and completely, knowing we respect them and honor the gift they choose to give. This gift is something we as Dom/mes know can be taken away if we don't hold it sacred.

Third: These groups that oppose us living the way we choose often claim that Dom/mes are uncaring people. For those people I can only say, you will never know how deeply we are connected to each other. It is because of how much we love that we are able to give so much of ourselves to the care and needs of our submissive. Outsiders have no clue how much time and effort goes into building the trust required for this lifestyle to work, not just in the beginning, but always.

Also: We are not violent. We do not act out of rage or even anger. In order to accept control over another, we must be in control of ourselves. Many of us stand strong opposing domestic violence. Pain does not equal violence. Serious questions here: Who among you has enjoyed a little hair tug or smack on the butt during sex, whether giving or receiving? How about a nibble that gets a little rougher than usual? Nails scratching down your back in ecstasy? Maybe you like hands pinned to the bed while staring deeply into your lover’s eyes; have you ever realized this is a form of dominance, and even bondage? Kinky is quite natural, even normal for people to want to feel this way.

Next: We are not barbarians; the majority of male Dominants are very much gentlemen. We open doors, pull out chairs, bring home flowers, and sweep them off their feet with a kiss when we return home.

After that I need to address another point: Not all Dominants are men. There are many Dommes and Mistresses, many of which have male submissives. They also operate at the highest of respect when it comes to their relationships. How can women's rights groups attack a lifestyle that is so accepting of 'equal opportunity'? We don't discriminate against anyone. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find a group or community more open-minded than within BDSM.

Finally: I'd like to address the thought of people leading the weak like sheep. Sheep are uninformed animals. They follow wherever they are led, blindly, without question or concern for themselves or others. They seek no knowledge, only doing as they have been led to do. I challenge anyone not informed of our lifestyle to become informed, to quit being led like sheep, uninformed yet following a cause when you don't truly understand what it is against. People, who follow causes without knowledge of what they are fighting against, are essentially consensual slaves, though a less informed slave than any within our lifestyle. -- Blac Talon

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Post title: " Protest Note Against Anti-BDSM Movement on Websites and FB by Blac Talon "

Michelle Fegatofi

I would like to introduce you all to a wonderful couple, Master Grimm and Slave Nalani.

They are a 24/7 BDSM couple that live the lifestyle while being cross-country or long haul truck drivers. I found Nalani so fascinating and their dynamic so beautiful, I asked her to share her story with us. I will be posting an entry from her each month. Below is her first post. One of the first lessons we all can learn from this wonderful couple is that you can't let anything stand in the way of your happiness. If you want to live the Lifestyle, there is always a way. Now, enjoy reading.

Slave Nalani & Master Grimm

'I would like to introduce myself first before I start writing on my Journal's. My name is slave Nalani. I was born and raised in Rotterdam, The Netherlands. I am 35 years and old lived my whole life in Europe before I moved to the United States of America 3years ago.

As child I was always by myself and didn't have any good friends. Maybe it was because I was different than most kids, which I now know that was the case.

Both of my parents worked, my father as cook and my mother in the fabric industry. At age of 16, I found myself alone, standing on my own two feet. From that point on, I looked at the world wondering how to make it through, because I didn't have my parents anymore. As time went by and I became older, my submissive feelings became stronger, especially when I looked at black leather items and when I started to watch some erotic things. It was very strange to me, but I do need to emphasize that I was perfectly comfortable with it and with who I was.

I went to the Erotic Expo and ended up in the special part of it called "The SM Area" in Europe. My eyes were focused on the girl who got candle wax poured over her body and I watched all of the stuff the Dominant did to her. I felt warm while looking at it, and thought to myself “Wow wish I was that girl!” From that moment I knew, I was positive about who I really was for all those years!

As I researched more into the Why's and the How's online, I came across lots of information that took time for me to realize that this was what I really needed. I mean did I really want those spankings? Do I really want to have a ball in my mouth or the burning wax on my body? Then I started thinking that yes, it is exactly what I want. Why would my body get warm from it and why would my blood start flowing faster through my veins if I didn't really need it?

So I started reading books online and watching movies. The more information I found, the happier I became! One story I was reading online was about a couple who lives as Master and slave and oh my goodness that was exciting! The woman slave was explained how much she enjoyed her lifestyle and how much she loved to get her playtime with her Master, who was also her Husband.

Every time I read those stories, I felt warm all over and so happy at the same time! The more I searched and tried to find answers, the more I knew I am a submissive girl. I started hoping to become as happy as all those people who wrote about their lives online and in books one day.

But unfortunately I lived without BDSM or happiness for many years and I ended up in the wrong type of marriage, where I felt miserable and not happy at all! I got a divorce after being mistreated for years and again found myself alone. I worked and moved on with my life alone, which was a very painful time. I had no one to share my thoughts with, no one to share my needs with. How long could I hold it together like that?

I made some friends during that time who were cool, or so I thought they were. We talked a lot and had some good conversations. I thought well you know what? Now is the time to tell them that there is something different about me, so I did! I told them I had special feelings inside me and that I wished I could let it all out. Of course they didn't know what I was talking about, so I told them that I am a submissive and that I hope to find a Real Man in my life who will be my Master. Man, I was so wrong for telling them. They laughed and made fun of me! They told me that they "can beat me up" and that I don't have to live this lifestyle telling "bring me a newspaper we spank you”. I wished I hadn’t opened my mouth, but I thought it was okay. I stopped them from making fun of me and distanced myself from them.

More time went by and there was still no one to share my feelings with and no one to give my gift of submission to. Was I going to end up by myself in this world? Am I that strange to people that they are afraid of me for being a submissive? Why do people not understand that this is what makes me happy, that this is what I need? I need to be dominated to be controlled. My body needs to be taken to that place that only I can feel.'

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Post title: " A True Life BDSM Love Story - Part 1 "

Michelle Fegatofi

If you don't already know, bondage is the activity of restraining people for mutual erotic pleasure-tying someone up, locking them in chains, cuffs or collars, or using more esoteric forms of restraint--it's fun, can be incredibly hot and is a huge turn-on for a lot of people.

Per one well known source, the Kinsey Institute, 12% of females and 22% of males respond erotically to S&M. Studies vary, but another one (Lowe, 1983) had it that 5-10% of the U.S. engages in SM for sexual pleasure on at least an occasional basis. It also said that 11% of men and 17% of women reported at least trying bondage, so it follows that these people thought it might be a turn on. It is nothing new, but seems to be growing.

Just look at the massive (and growing) amount of bondage-related images in pop culture these days--movies, TV and music videos--and you can see that people are awakening to this side of sexuality. If you ever found yourself watching a movie with slightly more than causal interest when the girl or guy was tied up or had a collar locked around their neck or was locked in a prison cell, then you probably know a bit about this already.

Bondage as a sexual activity first came to notice in Japan in the late Edo period. Generally recognized as "father of Kinbaku" is Seiu Ito, who started studying and researching Hojōjutsu is credited with the inception of Kinbaku, though it is noted that he drew inspiration from other art forms of the time including Kabuki theatre and Ukiyoe woodblock prints. Kinbaku became widely popular in Japan in the 1950s through magazines such as Kitan Club and Yomikiri Romance, which published the first naked bondage photographs. In the 1960s, people such as Eikichi Osada began to appear performing live SM shows often including a large amount of rope bondage, today these performers are often referred to as Nawashi (rope master) or Bakushi (from kinbakushi, meaning bondage master).

The ropes used come in a variety of materials and length. Japanese bondage traditionally uses natural fibers such as hemp and jute which are cut to approximately 25 foot lengths. American-style bondage typically uses longer ropes that span a wider variety of materials.

An important part of rope bondage is the rope dress, which is not of itself a form of restraint, but may be used either by itself as an adornment, or as a basis for restraining bondage.

There are two main names used in the BDSM community today for rope bondage - Kinbaku and Shibari. There is much discussion about the distinction between shibari and kinbaku, and whether one term is more appropriate than another. One modern distinction which is gaining popularity is that shibari refers to purely artistic, aesthetic rope, whilst kinbaku refers to the artistic, connective, sensual, sexual practice as a whole.

A traditional view is that the term 'shibari' is a wrong Western Japonism. The word denotes tying in Japanese, but in a generic way, and traditionally not in the context of bondage. The names for many particular ties include 'shibari', but it is not traditional to call the entire activity that way. Instead, Kinbaku is the term for artistic or erotic tying within traditional Japanese rope bondage circles.

However, this is a somewhat hidebound definition and the word shibari is now increasingly being re-imported from the West to Japan, as the tying communities are very much interconnected. Most Japanese kinbakushi do not object to the term shibari, as it's common vernacular in the global community.

Kinbaku Technique

Kinbaku means 'tight binding'. Kinbaku is a Japanese style of bondage or BDSM which involves tying up the bottom using simple, yet visually intricate patterns, usually with several pieces of thin rope. The allusion is to the use of hemp rope for restraining prisoners, as a symbol of power, in the same way that stocks or manacles are used in a Western BDSM context.

Traditional Kinbaku is based on fairly specific rope patterns, most of them derived from Hojojutsu ties. Of particular importance are the Ushiro Takatekote (a type of arm box tie), which forms the basis of most Kinbaku ties, and the Ebi, or "Shrimp", which was originally designed as a torture tie but today makes the bottom vulnerable for more pleasant forms of play.

For historic reasons, Kinbaku uses very few knots, sometimes none at all, or only a cow hitch or an overhand knot. This requires rope with high friction. According to Sensei Nawa Yumio in his 1964 classic book on Torinawa, knots on a person was regarded as extremely disgraceful, something some would regard as worse than death. Restraints with no knots were not considered "bondage" and there was no shame in such; therefore, "wrappings" were used.

A Feeling of Wonder

So what does it actually feel like to be tied in a technique that’s so infused in history, secrecy, sensuality and mysticism? The tension in the rope, controlled entirely by the rigger, becomes a link between the two of you, so being tied feels like an all-over embrace. As the cords tighten around you the rope artist actually employs Shiatsu techniques (a type of Japanese massage) on specific pressure points. The roughness of the natural fibers in hemp or jute rope gives you goose-bumps as it slowly trails across your skin.

You fall into a trance-like state of deep relaxation and euphoria known as ‘rope space’, which for me feels similar to ‘sub space’ but without the sexual charge. Flooded with endorphins, your muscles relax and your speech slurs, if you can speak at all. You submit yourself entirely to the ecstasy of being bound. And all that, just from a piece of rope in the right hands - usually without any sexual touching at all.

Safety Considerations

There are several safety issues to consider when playing bondage games, concerning consent, abuse, and physical injuries. If you don't feel safe with something then don't do it, there are hundreds of other things you can do instead.

This is NOT something to try with someone you've just met. You really don't know whether they are trustworthy or not until you know them better, however charming they may seem at first.

• Never let a partner coerce or bully you into any sexual practice that you don't want to do. It's perfectly OK to say no, a decent lover will understand.
• Talk about it beforehand and discuss what you plan to do. Say what you will or will not allow. These rules and limits are sacred and must not be broken during the game.
• Have a safe word agreed before you begin. This is something that the passive partner can say if they want the other person to stop, a common safe word is 'enough'. The active partner must then stop what they are doing immediately, and release the passive partner within seconds.
• Never tie something around someone's neck unless it is a collar that's specially made for the purpose. There is a high risk of tissue damage, choking, or fatal strangulation. Similarly, gags are potentially dangerous.
• If someone is tied up, they must never be left alone. The active partner must make sure they are comfortable, breathing properly, and that nothing is cutting off their circulation.
• Do not try bondage in a remote place, just in case there is an accident that leaves the active partner injured and the passive partner tied up with no way of getting help.
• If you've never tried bondage before, don't go straight into anything that uses complicated equipment. This is for experts only and has extra safety issues that you may not understand.
• The rules of safer sex still apply. Use condoms for penetrative sex. Drink and drugs can cause you to seriously underestimate safety risks. Avoid intoxication.

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Post title: " Rope Bondage - Shibari / Kinbaku "

Michelle Fegatofi

New people tend to want to jump in head first into a BDSM relationship without having any clue what will make them happy or really having even the most basic understand of a true M/s or D/s relationship.

Each time I shake my head and tell myself "here is another one with no clue". It is a relationship that always ends up in heartbreak.

After being inundated with several questions about various do's and don'ts in a BDSM relationship, I decided pose a question to my FB audience asking them what they thought would be a Deadly Sin in a BDSM relationship.

Here is an amalgamation of the answers:

• Dishonesty - outright lying, with holding information of any kind, being fake about likes or responses
• Disrespect - topping from the bottom, talking about your Dom in a bad way to others
• Infidelity - taking orders from other Dominants, flirting or interacting with others without permission
• Not taking care of yourself properly
• Not using a safe word
• Not communicating openly
• Topping from the bottom

Now, after reading the list, you are thinking that many of the items listed are the same things you should not do in any type of relationship, vanilla or BDSM. That is true. But, in our world, committing any of these 'sins', can cause a deeper wound just from the fact that our connections tend to be deeper than those in a vanilla relationship.

Many people will take anything. This is a statement that applies equally to both dominant and submissive people. When you see what happens, especially online, you will agree with this sentiment. People submit to one simply because he says he is a "Dom" (or Master). It never occurs to them to question the validity of what this person is truly about. They simply take the statements as fact and whatever the Dom does or says as Law. 

Why do I call this list "Deadly Sins"? Because, as a submissive, every 'sin' could be grounds for a harsh punishment, or if bad enough, your collar taken away. As a Dominant, these could cause your sub to lose trust in you and your fellow Dominants to lose all respect for you.

The online world is wrought with fakes, pretenders, and disappointment. We all encounter the same thing. Persistence is something that is required. Some are fortunate to hit what they like the first time; most are not. It takes a while to sift through all that doesn't work before finding what does. BDSM relationships are built on a foundation of trust, respect, and open communication. That includes many branches, such as not lying, respecting your role and not overstepping your bounds.

So, bottom line, don't commit any of the 'Deadly Sins' and always keep communications open and honest.

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Post title: " Deadly Sins in a BDSM Relationship "