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Over the years, I have been asked many questions about the BDSM lifestyle.
The questions ranged from D/s, S&M, to is BDSM normal. Recently, many have asked why people practice and get into BDSM. I have been asked advice by readers on how to explain why they chose to lead a BDSM lifestyle to their vanilla family and friends. Hopefully, my own explanation will help guide you in one of your own.

BDSM couple

As we all know, every person is different. People's likes, wants, needs, and desires vary tremendously. As a consensual BDSM slave, I can only speak from my own experience. I have always had a need to please. Even though I was raised by a very independent mother and neutral father, I have always believed that man is the Dominant one and head of the household. Men may consult their woman on important matters, but, in the end, they make the final decision. Why did I believe this when I was not raised in this fashion?

Padrone Marco head of house

I can't explain other than to say it's in my nature, the very fiber of what makes me who I am. When I found BDSM, a whole lot of things made sense. During my younger years, I shied away from dating for the most part because I knew what I felt wasn't "normal". After I became an adult and found the Lifestyle, I finally had a name to all the feelings I had felt most of my life. It was called submission.

Michelle Fegatofi consensual slave

Submission, or being submissive, in a BDSM or D/s relationship is more about fulfilling a need, not just a desire. For me, I get immense satisfaction from serving my Padrone Marco. The actual action of performing whatever duties He has given to me gratify my need to serve, but also satisfies an emotional part of me. It makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Seeing the joy and pride on Padrone's face when He eats something I've cooked, read something I've written, or is made happy by any of the other things I've done, fills me with an exaltation that is only achieved from my complete submission to Him.

love in bdsm

Submission is just one piece of a very complex puzzle that can make up a BDSM relationship. You have to remember that I have an emotional, physical, mental and some would say almost spiritual, connection with Padrone. Not every couple/group practicing a BDSM lifestyle has, nor do they want, the same type of connections that I have with my Padrone. There are some people that gravitate towards S&M simply because they need or crave kinky sex. Others use flogging and bondage as an emotional release and a reason to scream or cry, because they can't, or won't, allow themselves that much-needed release otherwise. 

flogging for emotional release

You also have the other side of the coin in BDSM, Domination. The need to dominate is also a natural need in some men and women. Not all women are submissives and likewise with men. Not all men are dominant. People, in the Lifestyle referred to as a "natural" dominant, are not bullies. They also do not shout out that they are dominants to everyone. They simply have a natural inclination to be dominant in every aspect of their lives. Like submission is in my nature, domination is in Padrone's. It's as natural as breathing to Him. 

Male Dominant

So, why do people practice BDSM? Because it's a personal choice that satisfies some inner part of them they can't get anywhere else. It gratifies their natural tendency towards domination, submission, or sadomasochism. Because it makes them happy and it is a consensual, knowledgeable choice. That's why. 

happy BDSM slave

I have lived vanilla and BDSM lifestyles and can say there is no comparison. Being a consensual slave has satiated my need to submit and serve one special Dominant. It has brought me happiness, fulfillment, and an internal satisfaction that is pretty indescribable. For me, I would and will never choose a different way of life. 

Michelle Fegatofi Happy BDSM Slave

Feel free to leave your own story, explanation, questions or just a comment! We love hearing from our readers!



Post title: " Why do People Practice BDSM? "
by: Michelle Fegatofi signature Red line

8 comments :

  1. I need to submit I want to submit. I just don't know how to let go. My husband and I have lived for years with me calling the shots being the boss. Controlling all our family does. I want to be tamed I want to be controlled. I don't know how to let the control go when it comes down to it. And for my husband, he needs to have control for years I've never let him and I realize he needs it.

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    1. The first part in submitting or letting go is that you have to have absolute trust in your partner. I mean trust in everything. The kind of trust where you never question anything out of fear or suspiciousness. When you feel that kind of trust, start by relinquishing small things like what to have for dinner, what to watch on tv, etc. Then when you get comfortable with that, try adding something that is a little harder. Try allowing yourself to be blindfolded in the bedroom, but your hands and things still free. If you are comfortable with that, try what is known as verbal bondage. That is where you place and keep your hands and legs exactly where your partner puts them. The thing to realize about learning to submit or to let go is that is may not be a fast process and does not have to be. You have to take it one step at a time. There will be setbacks and many doubts and you will most definitely fight within yourself. But with time, practice, patience and understand, I believe it is possible.

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  2. what do you do if your partner does not know how to dominate? I am a sub but my husband has never done anything like this and wants to learn just does not know where to start.i have never had to show someone how to do this.

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    Replies
    1. You both should do research on BDSM Basics first then he should get deeper into How to be a Dominant or How to dominate in BDSM. There are many blogs that give many different view points. It is also something that should come naturally, not forced. If he is naturally a take charge type of man, once he gets a good grasp on BDSM Basics, I think he will do just fine. Part of it is following his instincts on what you both need. The other part is experimenting with different ways of practicing a D/s relationship that will give you both what you and balance the Power exchange dynamic between the two of you. I think it would be good for him, and maybe you as well (since I have no idea how much you know about BDSM) to read this blog from the beginning and gather ideas. Then once, you have, find other blogs, like Submissive Guide, or Leather and Roses and they will help guide you to more information about different forms of BDSM.

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  3. i wanr to submit bt i have dissablity eventhough i can still walk does that matter?

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  4. It shouldn't. I'm a Dominate with one leg & in a wheelchair. I don't let it stop me. I tell my sub if runs away, I tell her I can go faster than she can. I also stand on one leg. I have to hold on to something to balance myself. But I still stand. I've found out that if you have a disability & push your limits all of the time, a lot of your limits will diminish over time. Their all not going to go away. But you learn to work around them more. I say don't restrict yourself because the world will try to restrict you enough. Try it & see if I'm right. Good luck. You'll find out you can do more than you think. Take care. Jim

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  5. Submission with a dominant is difficult, but it can be done, as long as your partner at least can accept who and what you are. Start out by giving your partner control in areas that you want to be dominated in. If you want to have to ask permission to wear make-up when you go out, then tell your partner that YOU are giving him or her the "keys" to your ability to wear make-up. Ask for permission every time, and as long as your partner is willing to play along, they can dominate you in that area of your life without ever feeling like "a dominant". If you want to give control of your sex life in the same way, then do it. Tell your partner that you're going to ask for permission before you do ANYTHING sexual, and as long as they can play along then you are being dominated.

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