Michelle Fegatofi

I had to plan very carefully how to escape from my husband. On the day of Padrone's arrival, I made arrangements to leave my boys with a friend of mine. My ex had an appointment that was a 2 hour drive away from the house so I had a very tight time schedule to work with.

After he left, I dropped my boys off and hugged them and kissed them and told them that I love them very much. I then rushed back home and packed my clothes, shoes, personal items and left. I didn't have time to do anything else for fear he would come back and stop me. After he had virtually held me prisoner for those 3 days, I was not taking any chances. I was heart broken at having to leave my kids and extremely scared that I would get caught leaving.

I took the battery out of my phone so he could not track me. I picked up Padrone from the airport and we checked into a hotel. We were safe for 3 days until he tracked us down. He called the police and told them that I was being held against my will. They came and verified that I wasn't. During the two weeks we stayed in CA before boarding the plane to come to Italy, he did many things to us trying to stop me from getting on that plane.

He called my epilepsy doctor and asked her to declare me mentally unstable. She refused because she said I have seizures, but am not crazy. She also threatened to file a police report on him if he called her office again. He had the cops come by the hotel every night with a different complaint until they just stopped responding.

My original passport had expired so I needed a new one. I applied for one and had it expressed to our hotel room. He somehow found out and had a woman call and impersonate me and get the address changed to be rerouted our house, knowing that I would not be able to pick it up if it was delivered there. I literally just happened to call to get a status update and they told me about it. I had to cancel that one and we drove to LA to get one printed and made at the office down there.

He got the GPS turned back on in my truck and found out we were at the vet's office for an appointment. He stormed in and tried to physically remove me from there. When I wouldn't move, he tried to pick a fight with Padrone. Padrone calmly stated he wouldn't fight and asked the vet to call the cops. He left before they arrived.

The night before our flight to Italy, I logged in to the computer to check-in online and found out that our tickets were cancelled. Padrone called the airlines and they told him that Padrone Marco had called earlier and cancelled the non-refundable tickets! My ex had somehow managed to convince them that he was Padrone and that he wanted to cancel the tickets. That was his last ditch effort to keep me in the country. Padrone ended up searching and searching for a one way flight back to Italy because he had to be back at work the day after we landed. He ended up having to spend $3000 for two one-way tickets back to Italy.

I have to tell you that the stress was enormous and we didn't feel any relief until we were on that plane on our way to Italy. While I do not regret leaving him, I do regret that I left my kids the way I did. I wish I had had time to prepare them, time to fight for them in court, something. But, I was at my breaking point mentally. I couldn't stay there any longer. I had asked him for a divorce several times and he told me he would never let me go. I had tried unsuccessfully to get a job for 2 years when the market was at it's worst (2010 & 2011). I had asked my family for help before making the decision to leave with Padrone but again, they all told me it would work itself out

Needless to say, my soon-to-be (hopefully) ex-Husband has done many things to me in attempts to torment and torture me any way he could. He has kept me from speaking to my kids out of revenge. He blocked my numbers and messages from their phones and then denies it. When asked, my boys thought I had given up on talking to them. But on the rare occasions I do get to connect to them, I reiterate many times how much I love them and want to stay in touch with them as much as possible.

As of this post, January 2017, I have been waiting 5 years and 5 months for a divorce and have not received one yet, despite constant pleadings and promises of filing. He never filed and I am beginning to wonder if he ever will. I think that he is holding out giving me the divorce because it is the only thing he can control besides access to my kids. He is such a narcissist that he really does think he should have control over every aspect of people he comes into contact with.

I am very happy with my life here in Italy with Padrone and know that we have many more years of bliss together as we keep exploring the different aspects of our dynamic and life itself.


Find happiness when and where you can, but also be prepared for all the implications and ramifications your happiness may cost others as you forge your own way through life.

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Post title: " A Real BDSM Fairy Tail Come True - Part 3 "

Michelle Fegatofi

We have all been there. Sitting on your computer, browsing the latest posts and comments in one or more of your favorite BDSM related groups. You see some good questions. You read some great replies. Then you stumble to a halt in your scrolling and have to reread a post or comment again just to make sure you read it right the first time. When you are sure you did read it correctly, you start thinking, "What the heck?" and "Did somebody really just write that?" This is when you really start to wonder if the people in that group are actually there for the right reasons.

I have actually left many groups over the past year or more because the groups became stagnant, cliquish, filled with people only wanting to hook up, or people mostly bragging and complaining about any and everything having to do with their life. Now, I'm not saying that every group has to be the same or that there can't be fun to be had. I am saying that groups should have a set of rules and people should follow a certain etiquette to ensure the ongoing debates and inclusive feeling of the group instead of making people feel excluded.

Here is a list I consider to be essential when partaking in online group activities:

Posting in a Group

• When you write a post, do not complain about your partner or make your partner look bad, especially when that partner is not in the same group. If you are asking for advice about a situation concerning that partner, do it in the most possible respectful way because you would not want that same partner to talk about you in a disrespectful manner behind your back. 
• Do not write a post that is all whiney or desperate and then don't state what the matter is. If you are sad, mad or feeling some other emotion and feel the need to share it in a post, don't leave people in the group hanging. State your entire problem/emotion/feelings in the initial post instead of fishing for comments. It just makes you look like an Attention Seeker (would use a different name but I'm trying to keep it civil).
• Unless it is specifically written that it is OK to do so, Do Not post pictures of yourself half naked or in some kind of 'sexy' pose. You look desperate to most people in the group and you are demeaning yourself. If you want people to look at you, post all the pictures you want on your own home page, but groups are not the place to do it. 
• Don't share every detail of your sex life. People do not want to constantly hear about your many sexual adventures or how many orgasms you had. 
• Don't be overly affectionate about your partner. For the ones that have a partner (Dom or sub), it's totally fine to sing their praises every once in a while. But to post how much you love your partner, how perfect they are, how proud of them you are, etc etc..... 500 times a day in the same group, that is just too much! 
• Don't post pictures of your partner that make them look bad, ugly, silly, or anything but good, especially when that partner doesn't know you posted the picture. 

Commenting on Another Person's Post

• If you have a different opinion than what someone wrote, present your opinion in a concise respectful manner and not in a childish bullying way. Make sure your comment sounds more like a debate versus an argument. Groups are not a place to argue like 5 year olds on a school play ground. It is a place where different people should be able to state their own opinions on different subjects without the fear of reprisal. 
• Don't intentionally bait people. Don't write reply or write something that you know will intentionally piss someone off. That starts arguments and makes it very uncomfortable for others in the group. 
• Read the original post more than once to ensure you are commenting in a knowledgeable way and not commenting about something that is totally unrelated. This can lead to many arguments and misunderstandings.

In general, be very careful about what you post because it can always come back to haunt you. Be respectful and don't get mad every time someone has a different opinion from your own. If you have nothing constructive or nice to say about a post, just keep scrolling on by. 

Though the above list are the things that come to my own mind and are of my own opinion when I have read/commented/posted in groups, they do not cover every facet or instance that could happen. Please leave your own additions and comments below! 

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Post title: " BDSM Group Etiquette on Social Media - Do's and Don'ts "

Michelle Fegatofi

Envy is defined as a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or life. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone). Let's face it, most of us get envious when we see how other people portray their lives online. They talk about how perfect their relationships are, how much money their partner spends on them and generally how the grass is always greener on their side of life. Many people do this to gain attention while others try to make up a fantasy world that is not a real representation of their actual daily lives.

This is no different when it comes to the world of BDSM. You can go into pretty much any Lifestyle related group and find any number of posts bragging about how 'submissive A' has the best Dominant because of blank blank reason. In my experience, I have realized that it is mainly submissive females that are always trying to 'Out Submissive' all the other subs in their environment.

There are Dominants out there that do brag about things, but if you really pay attention, it is normally subs that are the ones who try to make others jealous and envious of their relationships. Don't be like them and don't fall into that trap!

I know, as a dedicated submissive, most of you are very happy and proud of your BDSM dynamic and want to share it with the world. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. It's not. However, there is a huge difference in bragging and trying to show off to your friends online versus simply stating how much you love and are devoted to your dominant partner. 

I admit I have had envious thoughts throughout my life and a longing for the dynamic that I have now. Before meeting Padrone, I had been in different D/s dynamics, but never any deeply serious ones as compared to the one I am in now. I always wanted a Dominant that would take care of me, guide me, love me, and allow me to be myself in all ways. I read about so many relationships that were like that and I wondered why I couldn't find it. Why could I not have that?

Well, after I started paying more attention to these 'perfect' online relationships, I realized that they never seemed to last over a few months. If they were so perfect, why were they not in it for the long haul? The answer is simple. They weren't perfect. They were far from it. The people involved mainly had what I call a 'look at me' type of relationship. 

What is a 'look at me' type of relationship? I define it as those relationships or online dynamics where one or both partners are constantly talking about how much they love the other one; how they can't live without each other; and how neither of them ever have any problems with the other. These are couples that have the continuous need to express really private feelings and information online for the entire world to see. They are usually overly zealous in telling each other how wonderful they are together and how there is no one else that could ever take their place. These are also the same couples that usually end up trading in their partner for another one and start showing the world those exact same tendencies with the new person.

Feeling envy is a natural human emotion. If left unchecked though, it can get out of hand and have a negative impact on your life and your emotions. If you feel envious of other people's lives, sit back and look at your own life. 

Envious thoughts in a submissive only lead to bad things. The submissive journey should be one filled with as much happiness as possible. Being envious can and will affect your daily life, your ability to submit fully to your Dominant partner, as well as have a huge negative impact on your emotions and thoughts. 

How can you overcome the negativity of envious thoughts?

• Shift your focus to the goodness in your life.
• Remind yourself that nobody has it all.
• Avoid people who habitually value the wrong things. (Especially monetary and materialistic things)
• Spend time with grateful people.
• Understand that marketers routinely fan the flame.
• Celebrate the success of others.

Right now, you may not be in the type of relationship you want or living the life you dreamed of having. You may covet the dynamic or life you see others depict online, but you have to be thankful first for your life, including everything and everyone in it. 

Start to turn your own life around and the happiness you want will follow.  

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Post title: " Dealing with Envy in BDSM "