With Valentine’s Day coming tomorrow, many of you will be trying to figure out the exact type of gift to buy your partner. You may go the ‘flowers and candy’ route, ‘stuffed animal’ route, ‘dinner and a movie’ route, or just come up with something special that expresses how much they mean to you. These things are wonderful to celebrate that special day, but what do you do for the rest of the year? How can you express your love and appreciation for your Dominant/submissive without buying things?
The best way to show your partner how you feel is through everyday acts of kindness and love. As a BDSM consensual slave, I show Padrone how I feel every day in the small things I do for him personally and around the house, but also in how I take care of my own health (mentally, emotionally, and physically). I admit that I have neglected taking care of my physical health most of my life. I never liked exercising, always ate whatever I wanted and didn’t worry about how my nutritional choices affected how my body worked, or didn’t work in many cases.
Since I’ve been with Padrone, my mental and emotional health have healed and blossomed under his care. I’ve found myself and have been able to pursue my passion of writing and helping people in a small way as I never thought I could before. Coming from an extremely hostile and toxic relationship, it took a while before I could honestly say that I had recovered from being in that environment, but I did and have been well loved, supported, encouraged, and protected since then. I like to think that I also helped Padrone become the life-loving, happy person he is now, compared to the serious one he was when I first met him.
Now that my mental and emotional health have recovered, I have to start taking more care of my physical health. Now, just to clarify, I’m not talking about looks or weight, I’m referring to how my body functions. I have dealt with epilepsy my entire life and that is a condition in which there are no medications that will help. I have had my gallbladder removed, and had a complete hysterectomy due to cancer, all before I was 33 years old. You would think that having to deal with all of these various conditions, as well as many others, that I would have had the urge to take care of my body better because it is the only one I will ever have. Well, being in the relationship I was in, combined with my state of mind at the time, it was never a priority.
The last few months of 2017 were rough on my body. I have suffered with blood sugar problems off and on after the birth of my second child in 2004. It had never been a huge problem, but became worse the older I got and just blew up in November of last year. On top of this, I developed a strange eye problem and eczema on my face in December. I left it, thinking it would rectify itself on its own. January came and still, my problems persisted. That’s when I took action. I started my daily exercise routine and made little changes to my diet. Gradually, my sugar levels have become steady and spot-on. My skin has cleared up and my eye problem has gotten much better. I think I need to change my glasses prescription, but everything else has much improved.
Five weeks later, I’m down in size and weight, plus I’m feeling much better overall. These changes have also had a direct impact on my submission to Padrone. In the beginning, I admit that I was distracted and obsessed in my journey to a healthier body, but as the days and weeks have passed, that obsession has transitioned into a complete lifestyle change and commitment. In regards to my submission, I’ve found that I have more energy and creativity to do things around the house and for Padrone as well.
Overall, by trying to get and stay healthier, I’ve given a long lasting present to Padrone and myself. The more time that goes by, the more my health improves. This will give Padrone less to worry about and ease some of the anxiety he has felt about all the little weird health issues that kept popping up over the last few months. Now, exercise and eating better are not a cure all. It is not a substitute for doctors. But, it is something that everyone can do to improve themselves overall and it does help with many different types of health problems.
So, after your candy binge is over, why not try to implement an exercise routine that both of you can do? It may be as simple as taking a 20 minutes walk around the block. Whatever you decide to do, try to do it with your partner because the support and encouragement you give each other will go a long way to motivating you to stick with the program you come up with.
Happy Valentine’s Day and remember, the best gift to yourself and your partner, will always be a well balanced and happy Dominant/submissive in mind, body and soul.
Since I’ve been with Padrone, my mental and emotional health have healed and blossomed under his care. I’ve found myself and have been able to pursue my passion of writing and helping people in a small way as I never thought I could before. Coming from an extremely hostile and toxic relationship, it took a while before I could honestly say that I had recovered from being in that environment, but I did and have been well loved, supported, encouraged, and protected since then. I like to think that I also helped Padrone become the life-loving, happy person he is now, compared to the serious one he was when I first met him.
Now that my mental and emotional health have recovered, I have to start taking more care of my physical health. Now, just to clarify, I’m not talking about looks or weight, I’m referring to how my body functions. I have dealt with epilepsy my entire life and that is a condition in which there are no medications that will help. I have had my gallbladder removed, and had a complete hysterectomy due to cancer, all before I was 33 years old. You would think that having to deal with all of these various conditions, as well as many others, that I would have had the urge to take care of my body better because it is the only one I will ever have. Well, being in the relationship I was in, combined with my state of mind at the time, it was never a priority.
The last few months of 2017 were rough on my body. I have suffered with blood sugar problems off and on after the birth of my second child in 2004. It had never been a huge problem, but became worse the older I got and just blew up in November of last year. On top of this, I developed a strange eye problem and eczema on my face in December. I left it, thinking it would rectify itself on its own. January came and still, my problems persisted. That’s when I took action. I started my daily exercise routine and made little changes to my diet. Gradually, my sugar levels have become steady and spot-on. My skin has cleared up and my eye problem has gotten much better. I think I need to change my glasses prescription, but everything else has much improved.
Five weeks later, I’m down in size and weight, plus I’m feeling much better overall. These changes have also had a direct impact on my submission to Padrone. In the beginning, I admit that I was distracted and obsessed in my journey to a healthier body, but as the days and weeks have passed, that obsession has transitioned into a complete lifestyle change and commitment. In regards to my submission, I’ve found that I have more energy and creativity to do things around the house and for Padrone as well.
Overall, by trying to get and stay healthier, I’ve given a long lasting present to Padrone and myself. The more time that goes by, the more my health improves. This will give Padrone less to worry about and ease some of the anxiety he has felt about all the little weird health issues that kept popping up over the last few months. Now, exercise and eating better are not a cure all. It is not a substitute for doctors. But, it is something that everyone can do to improve themselves overall and it does help with many different types of health problems.
So, after your candy binge is over, why not try to implement an exercise routine that both of you can do? It may be as simple as taking a 20 minutes walk around the block. Whatever you decide to do, try to do it with your partner because the support and encouragement you give each other will go a long way to motivating you to stick with the program you come up with.
Happy Valentine’s Day and remember, the best gift to yourself and your partner, will always be a well balanced and happy Dominant/submissive in mind, body and soul.
Share this post - support us:
I was sitting in the hotel, just working as usual on the internet, when a thought hit me all of a sudden.
I was wearing a sleeveless dress and had not even given it a second thought! This was staggering!
See, before this year, I was extremely self conscience about my upper arms being flabby and not the perfectly shaped muscles you see portrayed in pictures and movies that every other woman seems to have, except me.
I didn't have the confidence in myself to be comfortable in my own skin. It took me 43 years to get there, but I finally have arrived. I love my shape and I love my body just as it is. It's the only one I will ever get! I finally learned to stop caring what other people thought of my body and what I put on it. I have 2 tattoos, fat rolls, stretch marks, scars, flabby arms and thighs. I love every part of me because I earned those imperfections. They are badges of honor for the life I have lead so far.
I also realized that me not taking pride in myself, in my body, was in a way, disrespecting my Padrone. Padrone loves my body as it is. He has always encouraged me to wear things that fit my shape and show it off versus covering it all up in large, shapeless clothes. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how proud he is to show me off when we are out and about. I grew up thinking if you were larger than a size 8, you had to wear really big clothes to disguise your shape. That's just what people did. As I got older and got involved in unhealthy relationships as an adult, I continued thinking being fat and showing off my shape was a sin. Now, I know better!
Being a BDSM submissive slave has so many facets to it. For me, it's a mindset, a lifestyle, and an overall philosophy. Taking pride in myself, my actions and my body is taking pride in my submission. How? It means that I know I am worthy of all the attention my Padrone gives to me. I am worthy of his love and guidance. I am worthy of everything he gives me.
When I didn't show confidence in my body, how could I be confident in my submission? If I don't like myself, like everything about me, that is just like me telling Padrone he is wrong about what he thinks about me. If he likes my body as it is but I don't, that is not submitting to him completely. As a slave, I have surrendered my entire self to him willingly and consensually. When I agreed to become his slave, I agreed that his word was always final. He loves me as I am but I didn't, so I was violating my submission to him.
As a submissive, you take pride in how you serve your Dominant. You follow their directions, perform tasks, follow their rules and protocols. You take pride in your abilities and love learning new ways and forms of submission. If you are not confident in yourself, it will affect your submission. There are things that your Dominant will ask you and if you aren't confident in yourself and your abilities, you will feel like you are being pushed past your limits and might shut down or strike out at your dominant.
If you don't feel confident in yourself, figure out why. If it's how you look or how you act, work on changing or accepting it. You cannot fully understand submission and give yourself over to someone else's care unless you fully understand and accept yourself.
Take a few moments each day, whether it is the first thing or the last thing you do to start building that confidence in yourself that you deserve to feel. Own your body. Own your mind. Own your surroundings.
How can someone else 'own you' if you never knew what it means to 'own yourself'?
I was wearing a sleeveless dress and had not even given it a second thought! This was staggering!
See, before this year, I was extremely self conscience about my upper arms being flabby and not the perfectly shaped muscles you see portrayed in pictures and movies that every other woman seems to have, except me.
I didn't have the confidence in myself to be comfortable in my own skin. It took me 43 years to get there, but I finally have arrived. I love my shape and I love my body just as it is. It's the only one I will ever get! I finally learned to stop caring what other people thought of my body and what I put on it. I have 2 tattoos, fat rolls, stretch marks, scars, flabby arms and thighs. I love every part of me because I earned those imperfections. They are badges of honor for the life I have lead so far.
I also realized that me not taking pride in myself, in my body, was in a way, disrespecting my Padrone. Padrone loves my body as it is. He has always encouraged me to wear things that fit my shape and show it off versus covering it all up in large, shapeless clothes. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how proud he is to show me off when we are out and about. I grew up thinking if you were larger than a size 8, you had to wear really big clothes to disguise your shape. That's just what people did. As I got older and got involved in unhealthy relationships as an adult, I continued thinking being fat and showing off my shape was a sin. Now, I know better!
Being a BDSM submissive slave has so many facets to it. For me, it's a mindset, a lifestyle, and an overall philosophy. Taking pride in myself, my actions and my body is taking pride in my submission. How? It means that I know I am worthy of all the attention my Padrone gives to me. I am worthy of his love and guidance. I am worthy of everything he gives me.
When I didn't show confidence in my body, how could I be confident in my submission? If I don't like myself, like everything about me, that is just like me telling Padrone he is wrong about what he thinks about me. If he likes my body as it is but I don't, that is not submitting to him completely. As a slave, I have surrendered my entire self to him willingly and consensually. When I agreed to become his slave, I agreed that his word was always final. He loves me as I am but I didn't, so I was violating my submission to him.
As a submissive, you take pride in how you serve your Dominant. You follow their directions, perform tasks, follow their rules and protocols. You take pride in your abilities and love learning new ways and forms of submission. If you are not confident in yourself, it will affect your submission. There are things that your Dominant will ask you and if you aren't confident in yourself and your abilities, you will feel like you are being pushed past your limits and might shut down or strike out at your dominant.
Take a few moments each day, whether it is the first thing or the last thing you do to start building that confidence in yourself that you deserve to feel. Own your body. Own your mind. Own your surroundings.
How can someone else 'own you' if you never knew what it means to 'own yourself'?
Share this post - support us:
Body image is the mental representation that we create of what we think we look like; it may or may not bear a close relation to how others actually see us. Body image issues are often treated as if they were only a problem for women. When you think about Body Image Issues, what picture forms in your head? For most, it is that of a girl or young adult that is either very overweight or one that is anorexic. But men suffer from many of the same debilitating problems caused by warped perceptions of their bodies.
It’s estimated that about 45 per cent of Western men are unhappy with their bodies to some degree, compared with only 15 per cent some 25 years ago. Research suggests that homosexual men, models, dancers and athletes may be particularly vulnerable to poor body image or feeling insecure about their bodies. This is because they are more likely to be in situations where they may be judged (or believe they will be judged) according to their appearance. Some of you ladies reading this may sneer and roll your eyes thinking "Welcome to my life!" Yes, women have had to deal with this sort of scrutiny for much of their lives, but we shouldn't be under the assumption that men don't know the feeling. Truth be told, we are all victims of the media. No one is safe.
We are told to conform to impossible beauty standards, to fit a certain body shape and that if we don't look a certain way, we aren't beautiful. We have diet trends and fads thrust upon us to try and encourage us to get that "perfect" figure that everybody seems to want and we are picked apart by the media and told to rebuild ourselves in their perfect ideal. Males are shown images of young men sporting muscles and a perfect ‘six pack’ stomach. They are also given the 'perfection' blueprint in media directed to them. They are told they should be strong, muscular, and show no emotion. They are told constantly to "Man Up" and to "Be a Man."
I'm often left to wonder -- why don't men ever talk about body image issues? Would they be deemed sensitive or weak if they discussed the dissatisfaction of our appearance? Would they not be looked at as protectors and/or leaders if they honestly admitted that they have physical insecurities? Has pop culture demoralized morality and influenced masculinity to the point that men have disassociated themselves with the authenticity of vulnerability? Body image issues have never been an easy topic to discuss. Proudly, women have started fighting back against antagonistic criticism, while men have yet to admit that an issue actually exists. The problem is that there are way too many men suffering in silence.
Men often combat their dilemma with body image by becoming exercise dependent, which can lead to overtraining and increased injury. Some will indulge in steroid use or entertain ambiguous fad diets for quicker (short-term) results. Others become immersed in their sorrows, seeking refuge from public events and social gatherings. Both are behavioral pitfalls that I've seen a number of times. We should understand those men who do suffer from body image issues and eating disorders; we shouldn't be scolding them because we've had to experience this cruelty for longer. As a whole, we all need to understand the damages the media can cause. If we can do that, we will be well on our way to a more body positive society for all.
Undue pressure is put on men by women, their friends, other men and their parents, especially their fathers. "Be a Man" is something that is easily said, but carries a lot of weight. Slamming a man with this phrase is telling him that he has to bury his emotions and his feelings, to take life on the chin and to never show weakness. If he cries, he is weak; if he is kind, he's a wimp. This simple phrase has the ability to be crippling. Telling the young man this will give him extreme feelings of inadequacy. It insinuates that he's not man enough, he's not strong enough.
It doesn't matter what body type you fall under -- skinny, thick, tall or short, at some point I'm sure you have been self-absorbed with your body image. Stop being afraid to address it! Stop living in misery! Change what you can control and embrace what you cannot change. Whatever your gender, we are not safe from low self-esteem and poor body image caused by much of our society and our media.
If you suffer with health problems caused by any type of eating disorder, I strongly encourage you to seek professional help.
Coming soon in the series: How Body Image affects Males in BDSM.
It’s estimated that about 45 per cent of Western men are unhappy with their bodies to some degree, compared with only 15 per cent some 25 years ago. Research suggests that homosexual men, models, dancers and athletes may be particularly vulnerable to poor body image or feeling insecure about their bodies. This is because they are more likely to be in situations where they may be judged (or believe they will be judged) according to their appearance. Some of you ladies reading this may sneer and roll your eyes thinking "Welcome to my life!" Yes, women have had to deal with this sort of scrutiny for much of their lives, but we shouldn't be under the assumption that men don't know the feeling. Truth be told, we are all victims of the media. No one is safe.
We are told to conform to impossible beauty standards, to fit a certain body shape and that if we don't look a certain way, we aren't beautiful. We have diet trends and fads thrust upon us to try and encourage us to get that "perfect" figure that everybody seems to want and we are picked apart by the media and told to rebuild ourselves in their perfect ideal. Males are shown images of young men sporting muscles and a perfect ‘six pack’ stomach. They are also given the 'perfection' blueprint in media directed to them. They are told they should be strong, muscular, and show no emotion. They are told constantly to "Man Up" and to "Be a Man."
I'm often left to wonder -- why don't men ever talk about body image issues? Would they be deemed sensitive or weak if they discussed the dissatisfaction of our appearance? Would they not be looked at as protectors and/or leaders if they honestly admitted that they have physical insecurities? Has pop culture demoralized morality and influenced masculinity to the point that men have disassociated themselves with the authenticity of vulnerability? Body image issues have never been an easy topic to discuss. Proudly, women have started fighting back against antagonistic criticism, while men have yet to admit that an issue actually exists. The problem is that there are way too many men suffering in silence.
Men often combat their dilemma with body image by becoming exercise dependent, which can lead to overtraining and increased injury. Some will indulge in steroid use or entertain ambiguous fad diets for quicker (short-term) results. Others become immersed in their sorrows, seeking refuge from public events and social gatherings. Both are behavioral pitfalls that I've seen a number of times. We should understand those men who do suffer from body image issues and eating disorders; we shouldn't be scolding them because we've had to experience this cruelty for longer. As a whole, we all need to understand the damages the media can cause. If we can do that, we will be well on our way to a more body positive society for all.
Undue pressure is put on men by women, their friends, other men and their parents, especially their fathers. "Be a Man" is something that is easily said, but carries a lot of weight. Slamming a man with this phrase is telling him that he has to bury his emotions and his feelings, to take life on the chin and to never show weakness. If he cries, he is weak; if he is kind, he's a wimp. This simple phrase has the ability to be crippling. Telling the young man this will give him extreme feelings of inadequacy. It insinuates that he's not man enough, he's not strong enough.
It doesn't matter what body type you fall under -- skinny, thick, tall or short, at some point I'm sure you have been self-absorbed with your body image. Stop being afraid to address it! Stop living in misery! Change what you can control and embrace what you cannot change. Whatever your gender, we are not safe from low self-esteem and poor body image caused by much of our society and our media.
If you suffer with health problems caused by any type of eating disorder, I strongly encourage you to seek professional help.
Coming soon in the series: How Body Image affects Males in BDSM.
Share this post - support us:
Doubting oneself is natural.
We all have those days where we question everything. Am I smart enough? Am I too fat? Do my clothes look ok? Am I pretty? Do people like me? As a BDSM submissive, other questions on top of these can come in to play as well. Did I please my Dominant? Am I submissive enough? Am I worthy of being his? Is my body good enough?
While self doubt is natural and all humans do this sometimes, continuously doubting yourself and your abilities can be self destructive to yourself and to your relationship. Dominants want submissives that are proud of themselves and their positions. They don't want someone that is constantly doubting their abilities or their looks. If you are constantly thinking and worrying about these things, when do you have time to think about the wants and needs of your Dominant?
Constant or consistent self doubting will keep you timid and in a bad or depressed state. Your state of mind can affect the people around you, such as your Dominant, so you will most likely put him in a bad mood as well. Now when you see you made your Dominant unhappy, as a submissive, you will get even deeper into a depressive state because you will not have done what all submissives want to do: make your Dominant happy. Are you beginning to see the pattern?
Now I've helped you recognize a pattern, how can you break the cycle? There are many techniques and avenues that you can employ to become, or get back on track, to a more confident you. First, you have to believe in yourself. You have to. There are no shortcuts and no going around this. The first step, as with most everything in life, starts with you. I'm not going to say it is easy or that it won't be a bumpy road. But, once you learn to have confidence in yourself and your abilities, you will see the world open up for you.
What techniques can you use to start gaining confidence in your abilities? While you will find many different ways and advice on gaining confidence around the internet, here's a few simple tips to get you started:
- Make a list of 10 things you do well. (cooking, cleaning, reading, languages, sewing, sex, etc...)
- Make copies of that list and put them in places you will have no choice but to read them at different times through out the day. Don't just read them. Believe them.
- Start an "I am Good" journal. Every night before you go to bed, write down at least one thing you did that day that made you proud. If you're having an extra bad day, write you are good because you woke up and got out of bed. Writing down things helps keep a record of our lives and progress and will help you to see your strengths.
- Believe the people closest to you when they tell you things. (Ex. When your Dominant praises you for tasks well done. They usually don't say things they don't mean.)
- Always continue to grow. Even in BDSM, there is always something more to learn. As a submissive, you should find and read different websites, books, etc. to grow your knowledge. There are an endless amount of diverse ways to practice D/s.
What different kinds of techniques can you use to help yourself improve your body image? I have written a couple of other posts on this topic, but here's a recap:
- Look in yourself in a mirror everyday and tell yourself that you are beautiful!
- Dress in clothes that accentuate your body, not shapeless sacks that are meant to hide everything! Flaunt your curves!
- Listen to your body. Eat when you are hungry.
- Be realistic about the size you are likely to be based on your genetic and environmental history.
- Expect normal weekly and monthly changes in weight and shape.
- Work towards self acceptance and self forgiveness- be gentle with yourself.
- Ask for support and encouragement from friends and family when life is stressful.
- Decide how you wish to spend your energy -- pursuing the "perfect body image" or enjoying family, friends, school and, most importantly, life.
- Remind yourself that “true beauty” is not simply skin deep. When you feel good about yourself and who you are, you carry yourself with a sense of confidence, self-acceptance, and openness that makes you beautiful regardless of whether you physically look like a supermodel. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.
- Look at yourself as a whole person. When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind, choose not to focus on specific body parts. See yourself as you want others to see you–as a whole person.
- Avoid fashion magazines that endorse emaciated women as the norm or average.
- Throw the scale away!!!!!!!
Hopefully with the above tips, you will start building a new and improved you, one without self doubt! Remember that we only get this go around in life, so decide if you want to live happily and the best life you can as a confident person, or one that is missing out on the simple beauty of being alive because you are eaten up by so much self doubt.
It's your choice. It's your life. Don't waste it.
Share this post - support us:
Recently I was diagnosed with a very bad case of acid reflux called Gerd.
I found out that the worst of it could be controlled by changing what and how I eat. I looked at it as a lifestyle change, not a diet. To me, diet is another word for "get skinny" and that was not my goal. My goal was, and is, to eat but not be sick or have that nasty burning feeling all the time.
So, I went back to my longer walks and this new way of eating. I can't have fried foods, chocolate, most stuff with tomato in it, most juices, anything with caffeine (coffee, tea, soda) and much more. To keep the acid from not working, I have to eat small meals around the clock when I am awake. If I eat too much I get the reflux. If I don't always have a little something in my stomach, I get reflux. Get the picture?
I write and try to teach women to love themselves as they are, no matter what their size or how much they weigh. As long as you are healthy and feel good, don't let society dictate your happiness or give you a complex about your body.
So, in the first two weeks I lost 4 pounds just because of the different eating patterns and the extra long walks. That's when I fell into the numbers trap!
I started thinking, "If I could lose 10 pounds, I would look so much better" and "If I can continue to lose 2 or more pounds a week I will be even better". I have been so busy with the new book, websites, and my overall life and slave duties to Padrone that I didn't even realize my brain had started creeping back into that old way of thinking.
 |
| The Bare Me - No makeup or touch ups |
So, tonight was the night I had picked to weigh myself to see if I had in fact lost more weight. I felt my clothes fitting differently since I had been walking more, so doesn't that mean I should have lost weight? NOT! It turns out I have not lost any new weight, but in fact gained 1 pound back. It's not a lot, I know. But, if you have fallen in the numbers trap then it is a huge deal to you! I almost freaked! I got off the scale and was really getting pissed at myself.
Right then Padrone's training kicked in. That's when I remembered. I remembered how much Padrone makes me feel wanted. I remembered how good I think I looked in my clothes just the night before. I remember how much I actually like my curvy, hourglass shape. I thought to myself then and there "What the heck am I doing?!"
I had let myself fall back into that old way of thinking and look at what it almost did to me! I vowed I would never go back to that self-pitying place again, nor would I ever think I am anything less that fabulous! Because, you know what, there is only one me so that means I am perfect in my own skin, just as I am.
Yes, I will continue to eat the new way because it has almost completely wiped out the reflux, and boy does hurt like hell and burn when it acts up! I will also keep up my walks because my dog and I both enjoy them. But, I will not get on the scale, nor will I worry about how much I actually weigh.
You might ask why I shared this? It's because I hope none of you fall victim to the numbers game or back into that black, endless hole of self-doubt about your body. If you have, STOP IT!
If you have body image issues, I ask you to go and read my previous articles on ways to help you learn to love your body as it is, no matter if you are a size 2, 12, or 22.
All women are beautiful. Remember that.
Share this post - support us:
Being a BBW, that's the acronym for Big Beautiful Woman for those who don't know, and kinky can be challenging in a multitude of ways.
One of the ways in which it isn't challenging is in finding play partners that are attracted to full figured women.
It is a myth that attractive, educated, intelligent, witty men are only attracted to women that resemble prepubescent boys wearing short skirts and sporting a set of inflatable boobs. Think I'm just assuaging a jealousy I won't admit to? Do a Google search for "BBW porn". I did, just to have statistical information to support my claim - and you'll get a listing of roughly 25,600,000 sites to chose from. Honestly, if there wasn't a demand for it, would there be so many sites dedicated to offering and charging for access to it? And that is just one search phrase on one search engine.
In my experience I have seen thin women ask in astonishment, "how did she get him?" when seeing a BBW being escorted by an attractive and buff male. It's annoying. The insinuation is like saying that attractive men are not from the same species as plus sized women, as if we have to perform some black magic trick or drug them into finding us desirable.
Keep this in mind when you are thinking about your submission.
Don't let a negative body image distract you, take away your pleasure, or ruin your submission.
One of the ways in which it isn't challenging is in finding play partners that are attracted to full figured women.
It is a myth that attractive, educated, intelligent, witty men are only attracted to women that resemble prepubescent boys wearing short skirts and sporting a set of inflatable boobs. Think I'm just assuaging a jealousy I won't admit to? Do a Google search for "BBW porn". I did, just to have statistical information to support my claim - and you'll get a listing of roughly 25,600,000 sites to chose from. Honestly, if there wasn't a demand for it, would there be so many sites dedicated to offering and charging for access to it? And that is just one search phrase on one search engine.
In my experience I have seen thin women ask in astonishment, "how did she get him?" when seeing a BBW being escorted by an attractive and buff male. It's annoying. The insinuation is like saying that attractive men are not from the same species as plus sized women, as if we have to perform some black magic trick or drug them into finding us desirable.
Keep this in mind when you are thinking about your submission.
- If do not carry yourself with pride, you are not showing the world and your Dominant how proud you are to be a submissive.
- If you are self-conscious during a scene or playtime, you are not being submitting to your Dominant because you should not care what you look like, but only pleasing and obeying.
- If you are always worrying about being graceful or looking silly when in some submissive position your Dominant puts you in, your mind is not in submissive mode, but elsewhere.
Don't let a negative body image distract you, take away your pleasure, or ruin your submission.
- Appreciate all that your body can do. Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams. Celebrate all of the amazing things your body does for you — running, dancing, breathing, laughing, dreaming, etc.
- Keep a top-ten list of things you like about yourself — things that aren’t related to how much you weight or what you look like. Read your list often. Add to it as you become aware of more things to like about yourself.
- Remind yourself that “true beauty” is not simply skin deep. When you feel good about yourself and who you are, you carry yourself with a sense of confidence, self-acceptance, and openness that makes you beautiful regardless of whether you physically look like a supermodel. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.
- Look at yourself as a whole person. When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind, choose not to focus on specific body parts. See yourself as you want others to see you – as a whole person.
- Avoid looking at fashion magazines or catalogs that endorse emaciated women as the beauty ideal.
- Throw the scale away!!!
- Never forget You ARE Good enough!
check also this:
Share this post - support us:
After the huge response I received from my readers about BDSM and Body Image, I wanted to expand on that and give you some extra tips you can try to help yourself or your sub gain confidence and a better acceptance of their own bodies.
After 40 years of being female, I've come to the conclusion that a healthy, positive body image is hard to find, and neither caftans nor liposuction nor photo-shopping is the answer. Feeling good in your skin has nothing to do with whether you’re a size 2 or 22; it’s all about having a positive body image.
Having a poor body image means that you view your body in a negative light. You look at yourself and see only the negative. This often occurs when people with low self-esteem only see their physical flaws, most often when they look in the mirror.
If you are into the BDSM scene, most likely you are going to be naked any number of times. The first thing you have to remember is that your Dominant loves how you look. He has taken you as his submissive. He is proud of you and who you are. Take a moment to think about that. Really absorb it.
When using a mirror, look at your body in its entirety.
Try not to look at your body as individual parts. Don’t use a magnifying mirror when you look at your face. Look in the mirror and observe your whole body. When you do this, you might like what you see. Be at peace with your self-image by giving the mirror a rest.Stay off the scale.
Daily fluctuations in water weight can tip the scale up to five pounds in either direction, so if you step on the scale every day, you might be tempted to micromanage yourself. If you need to monitor your weight to stay on track or maintain, set aside a weekly or bi-weekly time to step on the scale. And don’t weigh yourself the week before your period, because you’ll most likely put on two to five pounds of water weight then. If you think you can do without the scale altogether, toss it and just go by how your clothes fit and how you feel.Throw away your ideas of “normal.”
Serena Williams and Arnold Schwarzenegger (whose BMIs are 32 and 33, respectively) are both considered “obese” according to the accepted healthy range of 18.5-24.9. But neither one is anywhere near fat. Remember that everyone is built differently, with different heights, bone densities, and amounts of muscle (which weighs more than fat) on their bodies. Just because your friend is a size 4 to 6 doesn’t mean that’s the right place for you to be.Notice that there are all types of bodies in all shapes, sizes and skin tones.
What you see in the media is not a representation of the human race. Appreciate the differences you see around you and appreciate your own individual looks.Heal your body image by taking note of how you talk to yourself about your body and change it if necessary.
Instead of, “I’m so fat and ugly, I hate myself,” tell yourself, “I have beautiful eyes and I am a good friend. The package may not be perfect, but it does need to be loved.”Take sexy pictures that show you in your most positive light.
Set up a camera with a self timer or ask a friend or Dominant take pictures of you with your hair and makeup done and in lingerie or skimpy clothing that all help to accentuate your body. Pick a couple of the images and put them on your cell phone or your laptop, anywhere you can access them easily. Look at them at different times during the day to reassure yourself how beautiful you are in your own skin.
I hope these extra tips and insights help all of you no matter your gender or body type love yourself more. We are all beautiful in our own way. Always remember that.
Also remember, the more confident and sexy you as a submissive feel, the more free you will be to serve your Dominant because the huge weight of self consciousnesses won't be hanging around your neck.
Share this post - support us:
Body image.
It is something that we rarely talk about in the scene and yet, so many of us struggle with it. Are you someone who hesitates to strip down to nothing at that play party because you are plagued with a negative body image? Do you hold back in a scene because you are consumed with thoughts of how you look in a scene instead of being able to find joy and pleasure in your play? Or are you a Top who has a submissive who is having difficulty connecting with you because she is more of a slave to food and body obsession than to you?
It seems like there is a whole generation of us that grew up with body-hatred, feeling imperfect and not-beautiful, no matter what we looked like. Too thin, too fat, to busty, too flat, too tall, too short, wide hips, no hips, too much ass, not enough. A never-ending litany of what is wrong with us physically, reinforced by images on television, in movies and in print that we could never hope to live up to; growing up understanding that how we look is the most important thing about us. And that it was never good enough.
The scene offers some wonderful things that the vanilla world does not. While we come from all walks of life, BDSMers all have a love for the alternative. We are not people who spend every Wednesday night engaged in military-style intercourse. We love passion, the power exchange, and the magic of sexual self-expression. This attitude translates, generally speaking, into a more open-minded attitude toward size, not to mention age, gender, race, and orientation.
Unlike our vanilla friends who rarely see large naked bodies, we have many opportunities through play parties and demos to look at, get used to, and eventually admire the soft curves of fat people. It is at first astounding, and then liberating to see a large man or woman walk around a play party stark naked, proud of their body, fully loved. It's hard not to like someone who likes herself so much.
I discovered with time and support from my Padrone that my body, with its ability to do all these things we do, to transform pleasure into pain, to bend and twist and tolerate being bound, to find pleasure in all this, was an asset. He always looks at me appreciatively, and, suddenly, I wasn’t invisible. I was fulfilling one of the most fundamental cores that I had been raised to believe was the most important thing in being female—being attractive to men—and I reveled in it. From the time He took me on as his slave, I have not looked back. Sure, I have times I think or verbalize I wish this was different, this was smaller, or that not so saggy. He gives me 'the look' and I snap out of it really quick!
The thing about body issues is that everyone has them, women and men, thin and fat, you and me. If you want to get over self-criticism, here are some things you can try. Start by communicating with your body, using affirmations to find the beautiful parts about yourself, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Listen to what your body has to say, and respect your own path. This is the foundation of self-love. If you love yourself, loving your body will follow.
On the practical side, go to some play parties or other public situations where you will be able to observe people of all sizes and shapes enjoying themselves. Replace any critical thoughts in your head with positive ones about the beauty of their bodies, whether it be good skin, soft curves, great butt to spank, strong muscles, or wonderful handfuls of breasts. Talk to your friends about what beautiful thing you saw in this larger person. If it's not a physical attribute, notice their courage for playing in public, their love of their own body, or their unself-consciousness. For the female Dominant, size can be an advantage, projecting a powerful physical presence which attracts Submissives. If you have this advantage, use it.
With time, support, and a lot of self reflection, you too can become comfortable with and learn to love your body, no matter the shape.
It is something that we rarely talk about in the scene and yet, so many of us struggle with it. Are you someone who hesitates to strip down to nothing at that play party because you are plagued with a negative body image? Do you hold back in a scene because you are consumed with thoughts of how you look in a scene instead of being able to find joy and pleasure in your play? Or are you a Top who has a submissive who is having difficulty connecting with you because she is more of a slave to food and body obsession than to you?
It seems like there is a whole generation of us that grew up with body-hatred, feeling imperfect and not-beautiful, no matter what we looked like. Too thin, too fat, to busty, too flat, too tall, too short, wide hips, no hips, too much ass, not enough. A never-ending litany of what is wrong with us physically, reinforced by images on television, in movies and in print that we could never hope to live up to; growing up understanding that how we look is the most important thing about us. And that it was never good enough.
The scene offers some wonderful things that the vanilla world does not. While we come from all walks of life, BDSMers all have a love for the alternative. We are not people who spend every Wednesday night engaged in military-style intercourse. We love passion, the power exchange, and the magic of sexual self-expression. This attitude translates, generally speaking, into a more open-minded attitude toward size, not to mention age, gender, race, and orientation.
Unlike our vanilla friends who rarely see large naked bodies, we have many opportunities through play parties and demos to look at, get used to, and eventually admire the soft curves of fat people. It is at first astounding, and then liberating to see a large man or woman walk around a play party stark naked, proud of their body, fully loved. It's hard not to like someone who likes herself so much.
I discovered with time and support from my Padrone that my body, with its ability to do all these things we do, to transform pleasure into pain, to bend and twist and tolerate being bound, to find pleasure in all this, was an asset. He always looks at me appreciatively, and, suddenly, I wasn’t invisible. I was fulfilling one of the most fundamental cores that I had been raised to believe was the most important thing in being female—being attractive to men—and I reveled in it. From the time He took me on as his slave, I have not looked back. Sure, I have times I think or verbalize I wish this was different, this was smaller, or that not so saggy. He gives me 'the look' and I snap out of it really quick!
 |
| Model: Arachnia |
The thing about body issues is that everyone has them, women and men, thin and fat, you and me. If you want to get over self-criticism, here are some things you can try. Start by communicating with your body, using affirmations to find the beautiful parts about yourself, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Listen to what your body has to say, and respect your own path. This is the foundation of self-love. If you love yourself, loving your body will follow.
On the practical side, go to some play parties or other public situations where you will be able to observe people of all sizes and shapes enjoying themselves. Replace any critical thoughts in your head with positive ones about the beauty of their bodies, whether it be good skin, soft curves, great butt to spank, strong muscles, or wonderful handfuls of breasts. Talk to your friends about what beautiful thing you saw in this larger person. If it's not a physical attribute, notice their courage for playing in public, their love of their own body, or their unself-consciousness. For the female Dominant, size can be an advantage, projecting a powerful physical presence which attracts Submissives. If you have this advantage, use it.
Developing a Healthy Body Image
- Listen to your body. Eat when you are hungry.
- Be realistic about the size you are likely to be based on your genetic and environmental history.
- Exercise regularly in an enjoyable way, regardless of size.
- Expect normal weekly and monthly changes in weight and shape.
- Work towards self acceptance and self forgiveness- be gentle with yourself.
- Ask for support and encouragement from friends and family when life is stressful.
- Decide how you wish to spend your energy -- pursuing the "perfect body image" or enjoying family, friends, school and, most importantly, life.
Think of the three A's
- Attention: Refers to listening for and responding to internal cues (i.e., hunger, satiety, fatigue).
- Appreciation: Refers to appreciating the pleasures your body can provide.
- Acceptance: Refers to accepting what is -- instead of longing for what is not.
With time, support, and a lot of self reflection, you too can become comfortable with and learn to love your body, no matter the shape.
Share this post - support us:
