This week's Talk Tuesday topics cover "Dealing with Emotions as a Domme", "Dominant changes back to Vanilla", and "Dealing with Health Issues". I hope you find the questions interesting and informative.
Question #1) "How do I take the emotion out. The first time when he cried I shed a few tears. I didn't let him know. I've not been at the level of dominance before. But I am loving it."
Since I am a submissive slave, I asked a very good friend of mine who is an experienced Domme to answer. Lady Hecate from www.thelairofladyhecate.com. 'Who says you need to take the emotion out? One of our greatest set backs is our minds telling us the way things ought to be. I call nonsense on that. You are clearly a wonderful Domme as you are. If you are unaffected by the emotion of the situation, it would take away from the experience both for you and your submissive. Allow yourself to be caught up in the moment and swept away. You do not need to be a robot to be an effective Domme. In fact, it makes you a better one. Finally, I suggest that you show him next time this happens. It will only strengthen your connection.'
Question #2) "What is the best way to handle your Master changing back to vanilla out of the blue and refusing to help you deal with the sudden change?"
Since I don't have any background or context for this question, I am going to be making a couple of assumptions. Did you notice any gradual changes in behavior such as lessening in tasks, loosening of rules or not following up with corrections/punishments if needed? I would ask him what is wrong. If he refuses to answer, you need to decide if you want to stay with him if you want to have a BDSM relationship and he only wants vanilla. If you love him more than you need to have a D/s relationship, you have to find a compromise to be happy. I recommend evaluating your own feelings and priorities as well as your life situation and then decide how to proceed from there. In the meantime, connect with groups and friends for support to vent your frustrations. Lean on them and ask for advice on specific situations if you need.
Question #3) "I am also interested in more information and resources for submissives who have disabilities. Now that I am dealing with this sciatica will I be accepted by a Dom. Is there a place for me in the lifestyle?"
There are many different types of relationships in the BDSM community that involve people with different disabilities and health problems. While it does affect the way that couple practices BDSM, it does not exclude anyone from the Lifestyle. I have and deal with Epilepsy on a very regular basis. With it comes certain conditions that can hit me at irregular intervals. My Padrone (Master) has learned to deal with these situations and we have tailored our M/s relationship around my epilepsy. The main recommendation I would give is to be very upfront and open with any potential partners about all medical conditions that can or will affect certain aspects of a BDSM relationship. Also remember that not all BDSM relationships include S&M. If there are physical conditions that prevent S&M play, then find a partner that is willing to practice a more mental or softer kind of BDSM.
Below is a Google search containing many good links to different blogs talking about BDSM and disabilities. I hope you find some of them useful.
google.it/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=bdsm%20and%20disabilities
If any of you have any additional comments or websites that would add to the above conversations, please leave a comment below!
If you have questions that you like help with on any aspect of the BDSM Lifestyle, please send them to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com.
Question #1) "How do I take the emotion out. The first time when he cried I shed a few tears. I didn't let him know. I've not been at the level of dominance before. But I am loving it."
Since I am a submissive slave, I asked a very good friend of mine who is an experienced Domme to answer. Lady Hecate from www.thelairofladyhecate.com. 'Who says you need to take the emotion out? One of our greatest set backs is our minds telling us the way things ought to be. I call nonsense on that. You are clearly a wonderful Domme as you are. If you are unaffected by the emotion of the situation, it would take away from the experience both for you and your submissive. Allow yourself to be caught up in the moment and swept away. You do not need to be a robot to be an effective Domme. In fact, it makes you a better one. Finally, I suggest that you show him next time this happens. It will only strengthen your connection.'
Question #2) "What is the best way to handle your Master changing back to vanilla out of the blue and refusing to help you deal with the sudden change?"
Since I don't have any background or context for this question, I am going to be making a couple of assumptions. Did you notice any gradual changes in behavior such as lessening in tasks, loosening of rules or not following up with corrections/punishments if needed? I would ask him what is wrong. If he refuses to answer, you need to decide if you want to stay with him if you want to have a BDSM relationship and he only wants vanilla. If you love him more than you need to have a D/s relationship, you have to find a compromise to be happy. I recommend evaluating your own feelings and priorities as well as your life situation and then decide how to proceed from there. In the meantime, connect with groups and friends for support to vent your frustrations. Lean on them and ask for advice on specific situations if you need.
Question #3) "I am also interested in more information and resources for submissives who have disabilities. Now that I am dealing with this sciatica will I be accepted by a Dom. Is there a place for me in the lifestyle?"
There are many different types of relationships in the BDSM community that involve people with different disabilities and health problems. While it does affect the way that couple practices BDSM, it does not exclude anyone from the Lifestyle. I have and deal with Epilepsy on a very regular basis. With it comes certain conditions that can hit me at irregular intervals. My Padrone (Master) has learned to deal with these situations and we have tailored our M/s relationship around my epilepsy. The main recommendation I would give is to be very upfront and open with any potential partners about all medical conditions that can or will affect certain aspects of a BDSM relationship. Also remember that not all BDSM relationships include S&M. If there are physical conditions that prevent S&M play, then find a partner that is willing to practice a more mental or softer kind of BDSM.
Below is a Google search containing many good links to different blogs talking about BDSM and disabilities. I hope you find some of them useful.
google.it/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=bdsm%20and%20disabilities
If any of you have any additional comments or websites that would add to the above conversations, please leave a comment below!
If you have questions that you like help with on any aspect of the BDSM Lifestyle, please send them to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com.
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Over the years, I have been asked many questions about the BDSM lifestyle.
The questions ranged from D/s, S&M, to is BDSM normal. Recently, many have asked why people practice and get into BDSM. I have been asked advice by readers on how to explain why they chose to lead a BDSM lifestyle to their vanilla family and friends. Hopefully, my own explanation will help guide you in one of your own.
The questions ranged from D/s, S&M, to is BDSM normal. Recently, many have asked why people practice and get into BDSM. I have been asked advice by readers on how to explain why they chose to lead a BDSM lifestyle to their vanilla family and friends. Hopefully, my own explanation will help guide you in one of your own.
As we all know, every person is different. People's likes, wants, needs, and desires vary tremendously. As a consensual BDSM slave, I can only speak from my own experience. I have always had a need to please. Even though I was raised by a very independent mother and neutral father, I have always believed that man is the Dominant one and head of the household. Men may consult their woman on important matters, but, in the end, they make the final decision. Why did I believe this when I was not raised in this fashion?
I can't explain other than to say it's in my nature, the very fiber of what makes me who I am. When I found BDSM, a whole lot of things made sense. During my younger years, I shied away from dating for the most part because I knew what I felt wasn't "normal". After I became an adult and found the Lifestyle, I finally had a name to all the feelings I had felt most of my life. It was called submission.
Submission, or being submissive, in a BDSM or D/s relationship is more about fulfilling a need, not just a desire. For me, I get immense satisfaction from serving my Padrone Marco. The actual action of performing whatever duties He has given to me gratify my need to serve, but also satisfies an emotional part of me. It makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Seeing the joy and pride on Padrone's face when He eats something I've cooked, read something I've written, or is made happy by any of the other things I've done, fills me with an exaltation that is only achieved from my complete submission to Him.
Submission is just one piece of a very complex puzzle that can make up a BDSM relationship. You have to remember that I have an emotional, physical, mental and some would say almost spiritual, connection with Padrone. Not every couple/group practicing a BDSM lifestyle has, nor do they want, the same type of connections that I have with my Padrone. There are some people that gravitate towards S&M simply because they need or crave kinky sex. Others use flogging and bondage as an emotional release and a reason to scream or cry, because they can't, or won't, allow themselves that much-needed release otherwise.
You also have the other side of the coin in BDSM, Domination. The need to dominate is also a natural need in some men and women. Not all women are submissives and likewise with men. Not all men are dominant. People, in the Lifestyle referred to as a "natural" dominant, are not bullies. They also do not shout out that they are dominants to everyone. They simply have a natural inclination to be dominant in every aspect of their lives. Like submission is in my nature, domination is in Padrone's. It's as natural as breathing to Him.
So, why do people practice BDSM? Because it's a personal choice that satisfies some inner part of them they can't get anywhere else. It gratifies their natural tendency towards domination, submission, or sadomasochism. Because it makes them happy and it is a consensual, knowledgeable choice. That's why.
I have lived vanilla and BDSM lifestyles and can say there is no comparison. Being a consensual slave has satiated my need to submit and serve one special Dominant. It has brought me happiness, fulfillment, and an internal satisfaction that is pretty indescribable. For me, I would and will never choose a different way of life.
Feel free to leave your own story, explanation, questions or just a comment! We love hearing from our readers!
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Everyday, we go through our daily lives in the vanilla world.
When we go to work, take the kids to school, go shopping, visit friends, or just go about our routines, we are surrounded by normal or "vanilla" people. We all maintain some level of "normal/vanilla" so we don't draw undue attention to ourselves or our lifestyle.
The majority of people following BDSM blogs or sites are entirely vanilla except for the brief moments in time when they are online or in the bedroom and get to explore the BDSM side of their personality. Now, there are many people and couples like myself that live the lifestyle 24/7, but the majority do not.
So, if you want to incorporate more of the Lifestyle into your daily life, without upsetting your vanilla world too much, how would you do that? The following tips can be used in cyber or real life relationships.
Dominants
Submissives
These are but a few of the rules you can incorporate into your relationship to help you feel more submissive or Dominant in a vanilla world.
When we go to work, take the kids to school, go shopping, visit friends, or just go about our routines, we are surrounded by normal or "vanilla" people. We all maintain some level of "normal/vanilla" so we don't draw undue attention to ourselves or our lifestyle.
The majority of people following BDSM blogs or sites are entirely vanilla except for the brief moments in time when they are online or in the bedroom and get to explore the BDSM side of their personality. Now, there are many people and couples like myself that live the lifestyle 24/7, but the majority do not.
So, if you want to incorporate more of the Lifestyle into your daily life, without upsetting your vanilla world too much, how would you do that? The following tips can be used in cyber or real life relationships.
Dominants
- Have your submissive use text messaging or email to check-in with you certain times of the day to let you know where they are.
- Give your submissive specific orders of what to wear (color of panties each day; heels or flat shoes; dress or pants, etc...)
- Give your submissive a token of her position to wear as a reminder (collar, bracelet, ring)
- Give her orders of what color to paint her nails each week
- Give her reasonable tasks to follow each day
Submissives
- Keep a photo record of the places you go or tasks you accomplish during the day and send them to your Dominant.
- Use a GPS tracking software on your cell phone to allow your Dominant to see your whereabouts anytime they want to.
- Send a text message when you arrive and when you leave a new location
- Write an email of what your daily schedule for that day and send it to your Dominant either the night before or first thing in the morning
These are but a few of the rules you can incorporate into your relationship to help you feel more submissive or Dominant in a vanilla world.
If you have any other suggestions, please comment below. We love hearing from you!
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