As an American coming to Italy to be a 24/7 slave for Padrone Marco 2 years and 3 months ago, I have learned, grown and changed a lot.
Being a BDSM submissive was not new to me, but being a 24/7 slave to an Italian Master was. Of course, we grew close by learning about each other and falling in love despite the ocean between us. We both loved the other enough to make the transition from online to reality after only 5 months of being together.
We first met online on FB as friends. At that time, I belonged to a different online Dominant but was having a lot of trouble with that relationship. Whenever I popped up in chat to ask advice, Padrone always gave it from a neutral stance. Our relationship grew, I became an unowned sub, and he eventually asked me to be his online slave. There were 9 hours difference between us. Luckily, he worked nights so that allowed us to have running conversations all day via Yahoo or FB messaging.
I lived in California and he in Tuscany, Italy. We established rules, guidelines, rituals, protocols and punishments that fit our real life situations as well as our personalities. He always wanted a detailed account of my daily travels, dealings, feelings, and anything else I needed to talk to him about. He gave me advice and guided me from his heart and his own life experiences.
In a short time, he decided to visit me in California during his yearly hiatus in the month of August. This is where I have to tell you a little about my real life situation at that time.
I had been married for 17 years to a very uptight, mentally abusive, very controlling man. We had 2 children. After I had our second child, he made me quit my job and stay at home to take care of the kids. He had control of every aspect of our lives, from bank accounts and everything financial to grocery shopping and bill paying.
Anytime I asked about anything financial, I would get yelled at and mentally and verbally abused. In late 2007, I decided I had enough and started to look for a job that would allow me to leave him with my children. I couldn't get a job because nobody was hiring. That year was the start of a huge decline in California due to the bursting of the housing financial bubble. So, I was stuck. My mental and physical health began declining because the situation was so bad. I tried to hide everything from my kids by pretending to be happy. I got so good at hiding myself that my friends and family never knew the true extent of my situation until after I moved to Italy.
For 4 years, I hid. I felt like I was living in a movie because the reality was too bad to deal with. My real life husband lived his life and I lived mine. I found mental escape in books and by participating in online BDSM groups. I became a mentor and adviser to many newbies because of my previous experiences and training. Of course, I still did all of the mom things in real life, but towards the end, that too started suffering.
Now, picking up where I left off. I had been in a serious, online relationship with Padrone for about 4 months when I started finding out about my husband's criminal activities. He had been taking money from people for construction jobs and not completing them. He had also been taking large amounts of money from investors to build houses in other states but they never got built. When I confronted him about it, he became enraged and half destroyed the home office.
I told Padrone about it and he gave me advice on how to handle it. He was the only person in the world that knew the entire situation and the only one that helped me keep my sanity in check. He was the only one that knew the REAL me. I had nobody else that I could trust. My patience with everything was very short and even my relationship with my kids started suffering.
(for "The Real Me" listen from 2:10)
There is much more to come of our story and I will post the second part soon. Make sure you stay connected to see the next part!
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"Don’t try to be someone you aren’t. You will hate yourself for it and the effort to maintain the façade will exhaust you." ~ Larry Winget
Being proud is all about questioning and arriving at your own conclusion. Those who embrace who they are with high esteem are able to formulate their lives as they see fit. People who are involved in the BDSM world seem to fit into this category. One typically does not find an alternative lifestyle without questioning the traditional. Most everyone I met within the lifestyle went through this process to one degree or another.
Because BDSM is so misunderstood, people often experience shame and self-hatred before coming out as BDSM participants. Secrecy about one's sexual desires can lead to problems with spouses and difficulty connecting with their community for fear of being "found out".
While mainstream culture fetishizes, for example, breasts and lacy black negligees, kinky people often have similar interests in leather, rubber or feet. Other forms of BDSM involve sexual practices that play with power dynamics between partners, unusual forms of stimulation such as "pain" (think: hickies or biting at the height of sexual passion), constraint or sensory deprivation or "dark" emotions such as fear, anxiety and anger played in a theater of eroticism. There is wide variety within this community: some people merely incorporate some kinky practices into a private sexual life as a couple, while others live a total BDSM lifestyle.
Even though mainstream society has its opinions about how we live, the truth is there are thousands of people who think exactly how you do. Therefore, it is in your best interest to not feel the shame that society tries to bestow upon people who are "different".
Everything you can think of is contained under the umbrella of BDSM. Yet, there are many who want to shame others for their preferences.
This is where pride comes in. Just because some others (or the masses even) do not agree with your preferences, that does not mean that you should not be proud of who you are. Whatever your fetish, take pride in your desires. There is nothing wrong with them. Shed those Puritan ideals who instill so much guilt into people and be free. Why should a woman be ashamed of liking sex (a lot)? It is only because of an archaic belief system that this concept exists. If you like sex, and get a lot of it (i.e. a slut), be proud. So what if some do not approve.
I hid myself for many years from everyone, especially my family. After becoming a 24/7 live-in slave to my Padrone, I decided from the beginning to not hide that fact from my family, friends, or anyone else. I wear my collar with pride all the time, it literally never comes off. We don't shouve our choice of relationship into people's faces, nor do we hide it either. I call him Padrone all the time, in public and in front of my family.
I understand many of you may not be able to do that because of your jobs or associations you have in your vanilla lives. But, if you really are serious about living a real life BDSM relationship with your partner, then start taking steps to slowly break it to your family and your friends. There are many ways you can still respect your D/s relationship in a vanilla setting, you just have to find that balance.
If you want to try to break the news to your parents, I suggest you start by maintaining what I call lite D/s around them. Things like having your submissive get your drink, maybe calling you a specific name or title, sitting in a certain position (floor, to your left, ect) and allowing your family to get used to that. Then, if you think they can handle more information, tell them a little about D/s using the analogy of a 1950s style relationship where the man is the head of the household and the woman does as he says and abides by his decisions.
There are many ways to do it, you just have to go with what you think will make everyone the most comfortable. But, I do encourage you to start living your lifestyle in the open and taking pride in it.
Being proud is all about questioning and arriving at your own conclusion. Those who embrace who they are with high esteem are able to formulate their lives as they see fit. People who are involved in the BDSM world seem to fit into this category. One typically does not find an alternative lifestyle without questioning the traditional. Most everyone I met within the lifestyle went through this process to one degree or another.
Because BDSM is so misunderstood, people often experience shame and self-hatred before coming out as BDSM participants. Secrecy about one's sexual desires can lead to problems with spouses and difficulty connecting with their community for fear of being "found out".
While mainstream culture fetishizes, for example, breasts and lacy black negligees, kinky people often have similar interests in leather, rubber or feet. Other forms of BDSM involve sexual practices that play with power dynamics between partners, unusual forms of stimulation such as "pain" (think: hickies or biting at the height of sexual passion), constraint or sensory deprivation or "dark" emotions such as fear, anxiety and anger played in a theater of eroticism. There is wide variety within this community: some people merely incorporate some kinky practices into a private sexual life as a couple, while others live a total BDSM lifestyle.
Even though mainstream society has its opinions about how we live, the truth is there are thousands of people who think exactly how you do. Therefore, it is in your best interest to not feel the shame that society tries to bestow upon people who are "different".
Everything you can think of is contained under the umbrella of BDSM. Yet, there are many who want to shame others for their preferences.
This is where pride comes in. Just because some others (or the masses even) do not agree with your preferences, that does not mean that you should not be proud of who you are. Whatever your fetish, take pride in your desires. There is nothing wrong with them. Shed those Puritan ideals who instill so much guilt into people and be free. Why should a woman be ashamed of liking sex (a lot)? It is only because of an archaic belief system that this concept exists. If you like sex, and get a lot of it (i.e. a slut), be proud. So what if some do not approve.
I hid myself for many years from everyone, especially my family. After becoming a 24/7 live-in slave to my Padrone, I decided from the beginning to not hide that fact from my family, friends, or anyone else. I wear my collar with pride all the time, it literally never comes off. We don't shouve our choice of relationship into people's faces, nor do we hide it either. I call him Padrone all the time, in public and in front of my family.
I understand many of you may not be able to do that because of your jobs or associations you have in your vanilla lives. But, if you really are serious about living a real life BDSM relationship with your partner, then start taking steps to slowly break it to your family and your friends. There are many ways you can still respect your D/s relationship in a vanilla setting, you just have to find that balance.
If you want to try to break the news to your parents, I suggest you start by maintaining what I call lite D/s around them. Things like having your submissive get your drink, maybe calling you a specific name or title, sitting in a certain position (floor, to your left, ect) and allowing your family to get used to that. Then, if you think they can handle more information, tell them a little about D/s using the analogy of a 1950s style relationship where the man is the head of the household and the woman does as he says and abides by his decisions.
There are many ways to do it, you just have to go with what you think will make everyone the most comfortable. But, I do encourage you to start living your lifestyle in the open and taking pride in it.
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Spanking, whether it’s done with a toy or by hand, is something that a lot of people enjoy for many different reasons.
Spanking can feel great. The thrill of doing something naughty can be fun. It might be part of a role play or S&M scene.
It can be a long wait for that first spanking. Many submissives are over 30 before they get the courage to act out fantasies they have had since childhood. The reality of spanking can be a bit of a surprise. Firstly, it's every bit as fun as you have been led to believe. Submission is mind-blowingly liberating. Secondly, you may end up looking rather different from the pink-cheeked and politely striped girls on the commercial websites.
Spanking is first a dichotomy of power. It is this transfer of power, this total surrender that is the hallmark of spanking. Within that concept, there are many levels of submission, and corresponding degrees of physicality. Within the spanking scene, there are two general types of spanking, and several types of spanking relationships to encapsulate them. These two main categories still provide a lot of room for subtle nuances. These main categories are Sensual/Erotic and Disciplinary/Domestic Discipline.
If you are not already in a defined BDSM role and relationship, talk with your partner about what excites them about spanking. If you want to try something naughty, then engaging in role play may give you extra context for that naughtiness. If you’re curious about the sensation, then a role might be irrelevant, plus you might want to be in a position that allows the maximum comfort. You’re much more likely to get what you want when you can talk with your partner about it.
'Safe, sane and consensual' goes without saying. Constant communication is necessary and so is absolute trust. If you have fragile skin, there is lot more to it that establishing a safe-word, because the sub's tolerance might bear little relation to the marks inflicted. She can't see what's going on behind her, and in any case, if she gets into sub-space, she's not in a place to make sensible decisions of any sort. So there is an extra burden of care on the Dom.
Just before a spanking happens, the Dominant will generally position the submissive in one of several traditional and well known spanking positions. I won’t get into those positions today because there are simply too many.
The Dominant is normally in a higher position than the submissive so they can restrain and control the submissive when she moves. The control also heightens the satisfaction of a top in a scene like this. The Dominant can apply more strength in the traditional positions. When sitting with a submissive over the lap, the Dominant can swing their arms naturally and apply force on all those spots they plan to hit. When they are standing, he or she can swing their arms and body to get even more power out of the stroke. Of course, it is a matter of comfort as well, since it makes sense that the naughty girl or boy receiving the spanking should be less comfortable than the Dominant. Comfort also contributes to the length of a spanking and that is of course a benefit for the sub too.
The position of the submissive’s butt is very tantalizing in most traditional postures. It makes the activity so much more erotic for the Dominant and helps to ensure accuracy in the spanking. There is nothing quite as appealing as the derriere stretched at an angle ready for that spanking. Safety is also a factor to discuss here. The Dominant is more able to ensure that he or she will not hit too high or too low and the submissive will not be harmed.
If you’re new to spanking, it’s a good idea to focus your attention on the butt only. There’s a lot you can do on the butt cheeks and the body is usually pretty well-padded there, so you don’t need to worry about causing damage. Plus, when you spank someone’s butt, you can indirectly stimulate their genitals, especially if they’re in a position that allows them to rub against your leg or a piece of furniture. Be careful to avoid hitting the tailbone and never hit on the kidneys.
Many people find that the sensation of spanking varies along a continuum of sting-thud. Stingy sensations tend to be on the surface of the skin, while thudding sensations feel deeper. Different toys and hand positions create different sensations, so you may need to experiment a bit. Also, some people have strong preferences for one style and feel over the other, while some like both kind of sensation.
You may find that as you get turned on, things start to feel different. Sexual arousal increases our ability to feel strong sensations, so it’s a good idea to start off lightly and ramp up. Combining or alternating spanking with other types of stimulation can be a fun way to increase the pleasure. Or you might want to get turned on before you start spanking. Lots of people like to switch from spanking to gentle caresses or the feeling of a fur or fleece glove. Play around with it and you’ll discover what feels good to you.
Newbie Dominants remember that you can make the spanking even more erotic by varying touches and rhythm, by caressing me and then spanking me you can get me to new heights of pleasure. Your control could be magnified by a little bit of humiliating speak too. Also, reminding your sub to return to position and to maintain that position often helps keep them in line and even more excited.
Spanking can feel great. The thrill of doing something naughty can be fun. It might be part of a role play or S&M scene.
It can be a long wait for that first spanking. Many submissives are over 30 before they get the courage to act out fantasies they have had since childhood. The reality of spanking can be a bit of a surprise. Firstly, it's every bit as fun as you have been led to believe. Submission is mind-blowingly liberating. Secondly, you may end up looking rather different from the pink-cheeked and politely striped girls on the commercial websites.
Spanking is first a dichotomy of power. It is this transfer of power, this total surrender that is the hallmark of spanking. Within that concept, there are many levels of submission, and corresponding degrees of physicality. Within the spanking scene, there are two general types of spanking, and several types of spanking relationships to encapsulate them. These two main categories still provide a lot of room for subtle nuances. These main categories are Sensual/Erotic and Disciplinary/Domestic Discipline.
If you are not already in a defined BDSM role and relationship, talk with your partner about what excites them about spanking. If you want to try something naughty, then engaging in role play may give you extra context for that naughtiness. If you’re curious about the sensation, then a role might be irrelevant, plus you might want to be in a position that allows the maximum comfort. You’re much more likely to get what you want when you can talk with your partner about it.
'Safe, sane and consensual' goes without saying. Constant communication is necessary and so is absolute trust. If you have fragile skin, there is lot more to it that establishing a safe-word, because the sub's tolerance might bear little relation to the marks inflicted. She can't see what's going on behind her, and in any case, if she gets into sub-space, she's not in a place to make sensible decisions of any sort. So there is an extra burden of care on the Dom.
Just before a spanking happens, the Dominant will generally position the submissive in one of several traditional and well known spanking positions. I won’t get into those positions today because there are simply too many.
The Dominant is normally in a higher position than the submissive so they can restrain and control the submissive when she moves. The control also heightens the satisfaction of a top in a scene like this. The Dominant can apply more strength in the traditional positions. When sitting with a submissive over the lap, the Dominant can swing their arms naturally and apply force on all those spots they plan to hit. When they are standing, he or she can swing their arms and body to get even more power out of the stroke. Of course, it is a matter of comfort as well, since it makes sense that the naughty girl or boy receiving the spanking should be less comfortable than the Dominant. Comfort also contributes to the length of a spanking and that is of course a benefit for the sub too.
The position of the submissive’s butt is very tantalizing in most traditional postures. It makes the activity so much more erotic for the Dominant and helps to ensure accuracy in the spanking. There is nothing quite as appealing as the derriere stretched at an angle ready for that spanking. Safety is also a factor to discuss here. The Dominant is more able to ensure that he or she will not hit too high or too low and the submissive will not be harmed.
If you’re new to spanking, it’s a good idea to focus your attention on the butt only. There’s a lot you can do on the butt cheeks and the body is usually pretty well-padded there, so you don’t need to worry about causing damage. Plus, when you spank someone’s butt, you can indirectly stimulate their genitals, especially if they’re in a position that allows them to rub against your leg or a piece of furniture. Be careful to avoid hitting the tailbone and never hit on the kidneys.
Many people find that the sensation of spanking varies along a continuum of sting-thud. Stingy sensations tend to be on the surface of the skin, while thudding sensations feel deeper. Different toys and hand positions create different sensations, so you may need to experiment a bit. Also, some people have strong preferences for one style and feel over the other, while some like both kind of sensation.
You may find that as you get turned on, things start to feel different. Sexual arousal increases our ability to feel strong sensations, so it’s a good idea to start off lightly and ramp up. Combining or alternating spanking with other types of stimulation can be a fun way to increase the pleasure. Or you might want to get turned on before you start spanking. Lots of people like to switch from spanking to gentle caresses or the feeling of a fur or fleece glove. Play around with it and you’ll discover what feels good to you.
Newbie Dominants remember that you can make the spanking even more erotic by varying touches and rhythm, by caressing me and then spanking me you can get me to new heights of pleasure. Your control could be magnified by a little bit of humiliating speak too. Also, reminding your sub to return to position and to maintain that position often helps keep them in line and even more excited.
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I saw a movie years ago called The Stepford Wives, which I’ve been told is a remake from 1975, but I haven’t seen the original. The premise of the movie is that men have control of their wives by microchip and they even come with a remote control! The main character was an executive but is recovering from a nervous breakdown and she’s the one who finds out the truth about the women. The twist is, at the end of the movie, that the wife of the main “husband in charge” is NOT controlled, but rather it is her husband who is a robot! She wanted to recreate the 1950′s housewives because she thought it was the way women were meant to be as wives.
Want to know the truth? I couldn’t agree more!! Not the actual remote control part, mind you, but that a woman should be submissive to their partners/husbands like they did back then.
That’s probably a dangerous thing to say in 2013, though, because of the way most people (especially women) look at women’s “rights”. Feminists (non BDSMers) despise women being submissive. They see it as major steps backwards in all of the ground that their female predecessors made.
I see both sides and it is my opinion that a female should be able to choose how she lives her life without being maligned by other women. If a woman wants to work and be on equal footing with her partner, or have that partner even be the submissive one, then I don't see anything wrong with that. I, however, chose a different path.
I have been on both sides. I was in a high corporate position for many years before I quit and became a housewife. That was in 2004. I have to say that I was not happy with being a housewife for the longest. It was very hard transitioning from working 60+ hours a week to being a stay at home mom/wife. I do look back now and cherish every second that I was with my children. I was there for all the firsts and was able to shape their personalities in a much different way than had I still been working.
Another factor you have to take into account is the relationship. I was not in a good relationship then. But, for the past 1 1/2 years, I have been a 24/7 slave aka Domestic Goddess aka 1950s style housewife and I absolutely adore it. I do work on the internet but it is from the house. I do all the housework, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of every need my Padrone (Master) has.
Webster’s Dictionary defines to submit in this way: To give over or yield to the power or authority of another. Did you catch the word yield in there? A woman who is submissive to her partner/husband is yielding to him, not being controlled by him! Submitting is not the same as being a subordinate, which is defined as: Belonging to a lower order or rank; subject to or under the authority of a superior.
My Padrone doesn’t order me around like a military commander. He doesn’t demand anything from me because I already give him everything willingly. He adores and cherishes me. He treats me really well and he always puts me first (which does not equal getting everything I want, by the way). So, when he gives his view or opinion on a decision he has made for our lives, I don’t have to struggle, because I know he has our family’s best interest in mind. I never question his decisions. We talk about things – sure – but his word is the ultimate decision. When he asks me to do something, whether it’s to massage his feet, or that I bake his favorite cookies, I want to do it. I want to please him! It makes me happy on a level that I can not explain to do anything for him, especially if it is something he has asked of me.
Our relationship is based on the BDSM principle of Master/slave, but it's a much softer kind of dynamic than that of which is portrayed in main stream BDSM. He always comes first, no matter what I am doing. His wishes take precedence over everyone and everything, including my own. We do have what I would call a much stricter version of a 1950s style household, as he has rules and guidelines in place guiding every part of my life (where I can go alone, how far I can go, what I can wear, when I am supposed to check in, etc). But, even though it is always a 24/7 M/s dynamic, it also resembles much of a 1950s style home.
I want to share a magazine article from the 1950′s geared toward being a better housewife:
There are only a few things on here that are just silly – most are dead on!! The last one, “A good wife always knows her place”, has been made to seem like that place is a place of subordination, but it’s not. Yeah, I know my place. It’s as a well-treated, well cared for, loved and cherished submissive, whose Padrone is head of the house.
I think that back then, women enjoyed being women and doing womanly things more than they did today. They embraced their softer sides and rejoiced in being submissive to their Man.
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