Michelle Fegatofi

Wikipedia describes Mental BDSM as the collection of activities intended to create a psychological impact, often without a physical component. Another noteworthy but controversial example is the 'mind fuck', wherein a state of confusion and/or psychological conflict is intentionally created. While mental 'players' have considerably less documented material to study, an active Internet community and classes offered through local groups and conventions, provide many learning opportunities.

Mental submission is the act of submitting in your mind to the will of another. It is a decision made of a person's own free will after they have met someone they completely trust, they can communicate openly with, and have the need and desire to submit to. They only make this decision after careful consideration and after time has passed.

Mental submission might come in many forms and for different reasons. Some people meet online and connect deeply but live in different places so can't be together physically. Others may have physical limitations that don't allow them to kneel, perform scenes, or practice the more physical acts often associated with BDSM. In these cases, mental submission may be the only option for them to experience a BDSM Lifestyle.

Now, some of you may argue that it's not 'real BDSM' if that physical part is not there. I don't agree. Scientific studies have shown that sex is 90% mental with 10% physical stimulation. Let's look at a different example: Age. When we get older, our bodies are not able to function at 60 the same way they did at 40 or 20. There are more limitations that we have to endure and work around, even if in our own minds we think we can still do whatever we did the past 40 years. It's just not physically possible. If you read my past posts on BDSM and aging, you will understand my reasons better. People over 60 still want and do have sex. They just do it less often than a horny 20 year old. They connect on a much deeper level than that of younger generations. Mentally, they are perfectly able to submit to someone that is Dominant. Does that mean someone that's older can't still practice BDSM? No.

Mental submission has always been around but not as prevalent as it is now. With the invention of the internet, smart phones, and video chats, technology has enabled more people to explore the world of BDSM. The internet gives those that are shy, scared or just curious, the ability to seek out knowledge and have talks with real life practicing subs, about the Lifestyle.

I have written many different articles about online BDSM and various aspects of it. This is always a hot topic and new points of views are always emerging from it. If you are one of those that carry the attitude that a 'real BDSM relationship' can only be carried out if the people see each other in real life, I hope this article gives you a new way of viewing BDSM in this new world. 

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Michelle Fegatofi

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Michelle Fegatofi

You have been drawn to the world of BDSM, but searching for one book to give you an overview of both Dominance and Submission.

This book provides you with descriptions of all roles, different BDSM relationships, commonly used terms, guidelines for roles and responsibilities, and much more. After reading this book, you should have a well rounded foundation to start your journey further into the ever changing world that is known as BDSM.

Available Now! http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/MichelleFegatofi

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Michelle Fegatofi

The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book dedicated solely for Submissives:

1. You do have rights. You have the right to walk away at any time for any reason. 
2. No one can keep up a 24/7 high protocol lifestyle for long without a break for of kids, family, work and other life events. 
3. No man has an erection continuously. Unless they're priapic, in which case, a doctor's visit is in order.
4. There is such a thing as PMS, and no amount of Dominance will make it go away.
5. Your cyber safeword is the off button on the front of your computer. Use it.
6. There are going to be times when you don't feel like having sex. It does and will happen. Prepare yourself mentally for it because it is just a part of life and does not mean you are a bad submissive.
7. Living a 24/7 Lifestyle is not a myth. Living 24/7 in chains, naked and kneeling is.
8. There will come a time when you see your Dominant scratching himself, belching and in need of a shower. They are only human.
9. No one understands your collar and its true meaning but you. Being proud to wear it everywhere is different than showing it off at the local market.
10. Eventually, you're going to have to take off the slave cuffs to go to some real life appointment. Get used to it.
11. People get sick. People die. Use a condom, please, unless you've been tested twice in the last year, and so has your partner.
12. Don't walk away from your friends. You might well need them later, if your dream Dominant turns into a frog.
13. If you want something, ask. Ask respectfully, ask in role, and ask in good faith. But ask. If you don't, chances are, you not going get it.
14. Just because you call yourself a slave, doesn't mean that others will agree with your definition. Be prepared to defend your views, but don't growl at others for their opinions. They have a right to them, same as you do.
15. Just because the screen name says Master doesn't mean he is one.
16. There are things you won't do in Real Life that you role played with online. 
17. BDSM is not always about sex. 
18. People are not always nice. You will not play at every party you attend. If you are not careful and always aware of your surrounds, you may get hurt in a non-consensual way.
19. Your Dominant is not a mind reader. You need to always be open and honest with your feelings.
20. Your Mistress is not always dressed in thigh highs and hose. A Master does not always have his flogger nearby. Sometimes, it's time for sweat pants and hot cocoa.
21. An argument is not the end of the world. Not resolving it, however, might be.
22. Sometimes, a fuck is just a fuck. A beating is just a beating. And a kiss is just a kiss. Enjoy it, remember it, and move along. 

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Michelle Fegatofi

Throughout the BDSM community, we see pictures of collared and leashed subs/slaves all over.

I find them very enticing myself and love seeing new pics of devoted slaves kneeling at the feet of their Master/Mistress with their leash being held. Most subs/slaves feel best and most secure when they are in close proximity of Master/Mistress. But, practicality, physical limits, family, etc., prohibits most of the leashed positions that are pictured in the images we see splashed all over the internet. How can we achieve that mental feeling of security and love when we are out in the world, or our Dominants are out, without actually, physically, being leashed?

This is where we can use technology to our advantage. If you are a Dominant and want to keep a tight leash on your sub/slave all hours of the day, make sure they have a cell phone with WiFi or Internet access. Through this, you can use many free apps to check on their whereabouts at anytime you choose. Google Maps and Facebook are two of the most popular and free software you can use. Make specific rules for your sub/slave, when to check in, where and how to check in, as well as what info you want them to send when they do their check in, such as location, time estimated to be at the place, how they feel, etc. Granted, this could make some subs feel like they are being to controlled, but there are many others that would love this type of rule or control.

If you are a sub/slave and you love the feelings you get when you are on a leash connected physically to your Dominant, this is a very good alternative. If you do not wear a collar at all times, outside the house especially, ask your Dominant to pick one for you that is acceptable to be seen in public places and could be mistaken as a piece of jewelery. The weight on your neck will make you feel connected and remind you of who owns you always, no matter where you may be. If your Dominant is not with you, perform 'Check-ins' via the Facebook or Google apps mentioned above; or simply send a text message to the Dom, following the rules H/She outlined for you.

I actually call my Padrone (Master) whenever I go anywhere. If he is not at home and I need to go out, I call him before I leave, and when I reach wherever I am going. I tell him how long I think I might be there, then call him again when I am leaving. If he is at home, I call when I reach my destination, and call again to let Him know I am leaving and where else I may be going if not going directly home. I have found this gives me a sense of peace, security, and love deep inside myself, as well as giving my Padrone an added sense of security and peace of mind in knowing his slave is well. He implemented these measures because of my epilepsy, but also because He knows me so well, that he understands that any type of rule like this, that he puts in place, makes me feel that much more safe, secure, loved, and protected, especially if he is not with me.

So, the next time you as a Dominant wonder where your slave is or you as a sub/slave, wish you had that feeling of security and love that a leash gives you, try utilizing the methods I mentioned above. You will be surprised at the peace of mind and feeling of security it will bring to both the Dominant and the sub/slave.

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