Think about when you are happiest.
Is it when you are in submissive situations? Serving your Dominant? Do you get grumpy or feel out of sorts when life or other outside forces disturb your well established, submissive routines? What happens if many things hit you all at once and totally screw up the nice little world you and your Dominant have worked so hard to establish and maintain?
As many of you know, if you read me on a pretty regular basis, I am pretty much a happy person all the time. Yes, of course I have days or times I am not as happy as others, but as a whole I do see a world full of rainbows. The main reason is due to the wonderful, happy bubble my Padrone Marco Fegatofi keeps me in all the time. He knows that I am most happy when I am serving him, following his instructions, working on our internet pages, etc. He always tries to keep any negativity, stress, drama, and other bad things away from me and deals with them by himself. He has done an extremely good job over the past two years we have lived together.
But every now and then, my happy bubble gets a leak! In the course of a week, too many negatives hit me all at once. So, now that a couple of weeks have passed, I have to look into my inner self and try to re-balance my inner submissive and reestablish my happy bubble.
First, to make it clear, my submissiveness to Padrone has never waned. My inner happy balance has taken several hits though. I don't deal with stress well and if bad news comes in different ways all at once, well, I have seizures. That's my body's way of dealing with it because of my epilepsy. Now that the worst of the negative things have passed, how do I get my happy bubble back and sealed once again?
Is it when you are in submissive situations? Serving your Dominant? Do you get grumpy or feel out of sorts when life or other outside forces disturb your well established, submissive routines? What happens if many things hit you all at once and totally screw up the nice little world you and your Dominant have worked so hard to establish and maintain?
As many of you know, if you read me on a pretty regular basis, I am pretty much a happy person all the time. Yes, of course I have days or times I am not as happy as others, but as a whole I do see a world full of rainbows. The main reason is due to the wonderful, happy bubble my Padrone Marco Fegatofi keeps me in all the time. He knows that I am most happy when I am serving him, following his instructions, working on our internet pages, etc. He always tries to keep any negativity, stress, drama, and other bad things away from me and deals with them by himself. He has done an extremely good job over the past two years we have lived together.
But every now and then, my happy bubble gets a leak! In the course of a week, too many negatives hit me all at once. So, now that a couple of weeks have passed, I have to look into my inner self and try to re-balance my inner submissive and reestablish my happy bubble.
First, to make it clear, my submissiveness to Padrone has never waned. My inner happy balance has taken several hits though. I don't deal with stress well and if bad news comes in different ways all at once, well, I have seizures. That's my body's way of dealing with it because of my epilepsy. Now that the worst of the negative things have passed, how do I get my happy bubble back and sealed once again?
- I remind myself of how lucky I am to be with the man and Master of my dreams.
- I remind myself that the negatives are past so now it is time to forget them and move on.
- I asked Padrone for more attention and snuggle time. That always helps me come back into balance whenever it gets out of whack.
- I write about my experience in hopes that it will help others that may go through similar hard times. Writing and helping others always make me feel good.
- First, make sure your connection with your Dominant is solid and lean on him/her.
- Second, do more of the things that make you happy (Submissive tasks, writing, cooking, family time, Dominant attention time, etc). Make sure whatever it is that makes your world a happy place normally, is being done on a daily basis if you can.
- Third, take time every day to remind yourself of what you have to be grateful for and happy about.
- Forth, try to let the negative feelings go. This is the hardest thing for me. But after bad events are over and done with, it does your body and mind no good to dwell on them. Look to the future.
- Fifth, think of your happy place! My personal happy place is when I am in Padrone's arms. That is my shelter and when I feel the best. Is yours when you are on your knees beside your Dominant? Buried under a special blanket? Whatever it is, always keep that image and the awesome feelings close to your heart and in your head so you can think of it when you are down or sad.
I don't know if these techniques will help you reestablish your own happy balance, but I hope they help.
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Have you ever heard the expression 'Sometimes Life gets in the way'?
I can honestly say that is a true statement. You're going along your normal routine with slight variations here and there, but pretty much the same daily routine, when all of a sudden, BAM! Here comes Life with one if its twisted little delays or side roads.
That is what the past 2 weeks have felt like for me during the construction and renovations that have been taking place. My normal, somewhat orderly world as a 24/7 slave was completely turned inside out and upside down. The noise and dust took away my concentration from my work on the internet because I had to concentrate on stuff here at home. I was unable to perform even the most basic of duties because of all the upheaval. If you have been in the lifestyle for any amount of time, you will understand how that can upset a dedicated slave and make them feel as though they were not up to par.
This is when Padrone had me take a step back and revisit some of my own lessons learned in how to cope with frustration and anger, but also to practice patience. I am not known as a very patient person.
I was busy with painting, organizing, cleaning, and trying to also perform my normal duties as well as I could. You have to remember, even though I teach and right about many different aspects in managing and maintaining a 24/7 M/s relationship, I have to sometimes step back and practice what I preach. I had to silence the negative voices in my own head. Had to remind myself that I was doing the best I could with the situation I had.
When you are in a situation that you can't control, that you have to deal with, the best thing to do is try to see the end of it and stay positive. This is not a lesson in BDSM, just a life lesson. Stay as positive as you can and keep your head up. If you are in a situation that you think a temporary change in your submissive duties would help you mentally or emotionally, then talk to your Dominant.
And remember, communication is also one of the best tools you can utilize. Talk to your Dominant about your frustrations, anger, or doubts. If it involves them, then tell them so. Never hold anything back, but always be respectful.
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Too often as submissives, we get so caught up in trying to anticipate and care for our Dominate's, we forget about ourselves.
We lose ourselves in our joy of serving. That is not good. We all need time to step outside of our role as submissives and reflect on our inner spirit, on our feelings, frustrations, goals, and weaknesses.
I will give you a scenario. You are feeling great and everything pretty much is right with your world. You anticipate all the things your Dominant needs, your tasks are all completed perfectly and you have not disappointed your Dominant. But, all of a sudden, you make a mistake, one seen by your Dominant as huge, but one you didn't know you were not supposed to do. You feel alone and frustrated. You don't know who to talk to. Your friends do not understand your situation or choice in lifestyles, and you don't feel you can express your hurt feelings and reasoning to your Dominant, because you made the mistake.
Well, this is the time you need to back off, accept you made a mistake and are human and do a little alone time and reflect on your mistake. Do not beat yourself up. You have probably already done that enough. You need to make sure you understand what exactly the mistake you made was and ensure that you do not make that same mistake again.
Take some time to be alone when you can. Absolute quiet is a good place to start. Sit or lay down in a comfortable position and just breath. Get all the stray, mean, weird, and useless thoughts out of your head, and concentrate on the sound of your heartbeat. Now, you have obtained a calm. Think about all aspects of your mistake you made and variations of that possible mistake (if they exist) and lock it away on your mental DO NOT DO list.
Now forgive yourself for that mistake. I am sure it wasn't that big or bad. Ask yourself if you need to bring it up with your Dominant in a respectful manner of if it's better to just let it go. That is up to you. Think long and careful on this. Remember, our Dominants do not want whiny, spineless subs, but one that thinks for themselves and can reason.
You should have a completely open and honest communication line to your Dominant. You should also never hold anything back from Him. But, you also have to ask yourself, is what you are feeling worth telling Him about it, or is it better to just internalize it, remember to not repeat it, forgive yourself and move forward? That is something that you have to think about.
Now, after you have gotten past your mistake, tell yourself how wonderful you are and remind yourself why you chose to be a submissive/slave. Don't get an ego, but you should be proud of yourself first. Proud of who you are, what you are, how you look, and how you serve your Dominant.
You can also take this time to reflect on goals that you or your Dominant has set out for you to work on. You know your weaknesses, use this time to try to think of ways you might start improving on them. You can use self-reflection as a time to dream about what may come, or what you want out of life.
I actually try to do this every day. Sometimes I am not alone when I do it, but I make sure I won't be disturbed by my own Padrone as I do take that 5 or 10 mins of quiet time to just be.
I know this isn't the usual type of blog post, but after some of the messages I have read, I felt that this needed to be said.
I learned a long time ago that sometimes, if done properly, self-reflection, meditation, or whatever you want to call it, can help keep your mind focused, open it up to new possibilities, help you deal with hurt feelings or even a bout of brattyness that might try to pop out.
Breath. Relax. Drift. Think.
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