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Body image.

It is something that we rarely talk about in the scene and yet, so many of us struggle with it. Are you someone who hesitates to strip down to nothing at that play party because you are plagued with a negative body image? Do you hold back in a scene because you are consumed with thoughts of how you look in a scene instead of being able to find joy and pleasure in your play? Or are you a Top who has a submissive who is having difficulty connecting with you because she is more of a slave to food and body obsession than to you?


BDSM and Body Image


It seems like there is a whole generation of us that grew up with body-hatred, feeling imperfect and not-beautiful, no matter what we looked like. Too thin, too fat, to busty, too flat, too tall, too short, wide hips, no hips, too much ass, not enough. A never-ending litany of what is wrong with us physically, reinforced by images on television, in movies and in print that we could never hope to live up to; growing up understanding that how we look is the most important thing about us. And that it was never good enough.


BBW Body image


The scene offers some wonderful things that the vanilla world does not. While we come from all walks of life, BDSMers all have a love for the alternative. We are not people who spend every Wednesday night engaged in military-style intercourse. We love passion, the power exchange, and the magic of sexual self-expression. This attitude translates, generally speaking, into a more open-minded attitude toward size, not to mention age, gender, race, and orientation.


a more open-minded attitude toward size


Unlike our vanilla friends who rarely see large naked bodies, we have many opportunities through play parties and demos to look at, get used to, and eventually admire the soft curves of fat people. It is at first astounding, and then liberating to see a large man or woman walk around a play party stark naked, proud of their body, fully loved. It's hard not to like someone who likes herself so much.


proud of their body


I discovered with time and support from my Padrone that my body, with its ability to do all these things we do, to transform pleasure into pain, to bend and twist and tolerate being bound, to find pleasure in all this, was an asset. He always looks at me appreciatively, and, suddenly, I wasn’t invisible. I was fulfilling one of the most fundamental cores that I had been raised to believe was the most important thing in being female—being attractive to men—and I reveled in it. From the time He took me on as his slave, I have not looked back. Sure, I have times I think or verbalize I wish this was different, this was smaller, or that not so saggy. He gives me 'the look' and I snap out of it really quick!


being attractive
Model: Arachnia


The thing about body issues is that everyone has them, women and men, thin and fat, you and me. If you want to get over self-criticism, here are some things you can try. Start by communicating with your body, using affirmations to find the beautiful parts about yourself, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Listen to what your body has to say, and respect your own path. This is the foundation of self-love. If you love yourself, loving your body will follow.


If you love yourself, loving your body will follow


On the practical side, go to some play parties or other public situations where you will be able to observe people of all sizes and shapes enjoying themselves. Replace any critical thoughts in your head with positive ones about the beauty of their bodies, whether it be good skin, soft curves, great butt to spank, strong muscles, or wonderful handfuls of breasts. Talk to your friends about what beautiful thing you saw in this larger person. If it's not a physical attribute, notice their courage for playing in public, their love of their own body, or their unself-consciousness. For the female Dominant, size can be an advantage, projecting a powerful physical presence which attracts Submissives. If you have this advantage, use it.


a powerful physical presence which attracts Submissives

Developing a Healthy Body Image

  1. Listen to your body. Eat when you are hungry.
  2. Be realistic about the size you are likely to be based on your genetic and environmental history.
  3. Exercise regularly in an enjoyable way, regardless of size.
  4. Expect normal weekly and monthly changes in weight and shape.
  5. Work towards self acceptance and self forgiveness- be gentle with yourself.
  6. Ask for support and encouragement from friends and family when life is stressful.
  7. Decide how you wish to spend your energy -- pursuing the "perfect body image" or enjoying family, friends, school and, most importantly, life.

Think of the three A's

  • Attention: Refers to listening for and responding to internal cues (i.e., hunger, satiety, fatigue).
  • Appreciation: Refers to appreciating the pleasures your body can provide.
  • Acceptance: Refers to accepting what is -- instead of longing for what is not.


Think of the three A's


With time, support, and a lot of self reflection, you too can become comfortable with and learn to love your body, no matter the shape.





Post title: " BDSM and Body Image "
by: Michelle Fegatofi signature Red line

15 comments :

  1. i would love to use this in my FB BDSM beginner page the name is limits & desires..i will also give full credit & link toy you.

    just asking permission to use this first

    master chuck

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Miriam, Thank You!

    @Master Chuck - Sure. Feel free to share the link. I also have a new book out that is available and directed at BDSM Beginners. You can preview it on the blog if you look in the past posts.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Just what i needed to hear this am

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you very much for this!

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is very reassuring. I, myself, live in a very strange spot when it comes to body image. I'm not large enough for those that like BBW but not small enough for those that like "fit" or true HWP. It is comforting to hear about others that are so self-confident.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you for your words of encouragement and acceptance. I think your beautiful. I've struggled with weight all of my life. Coming from an "Asian" background it has been a trying journey to say the least when I've been compared to others that are "typical" petite little asian women.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I never try to put anyone in a typical category because i believe everybody is an individual. I know there are many stereotypes, but most are urban legends.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The problem in the BDSM world is the professional photo and video shoots that only feature thin, sexually appealing females which in turn creates this expectation for newbies that the women they meet are going to be thin hotties with an appetite for kinky sex. As a BBW Domme, I rarely see myself reflected in BDSM porn (photo and video) which makes encounters with submissive males increasingly frustrating...females not so much, interestingly enough.

    Pehaps there is a market for more realistic BDSM porn..hmmmmm ;)

    Thanks for this, your pics are lovely and I can see playing with you would be a whole lotta fun :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On my blog and my FB page, I try to share all body types. You are right and there are many people that expect either Christian grey for a Dom or a Victoria Secret's model as a sub.

      If my Padrone ever gave permission, it could be fun to play. ;p

      Delete
  9. Love this post! As I am my self a bigger woman and do feel sometimes ashamed of my body.. but than I see all those beautiful posts from BBW BDSM than it gives me more comforting and see how beautiful every body is!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Love this post...gave me a lot to think about (in a positive way)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I recently found this blog this post was great and will help me in long term accept and love myself thank you

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi Michelle,

    Firstly I wish to assure you that you are beautiful. You have a beautiful body. Thank you for being bold enough to put those photos of yourself on this post. I find BDSM very liberating. I have discovered that people in the lifestyle do not discriminate on body image, age, orientation or any such like thing. As for me I am 66 years old. No one has commented about my age. At play parties people seem to really love the fact that I can take and very much enjoy receiving hard Impact Play. I used to be a bit embarrassed when after a play session people would clap me. My thinking was clap the Dom, she is the one with the skills don't clap me. True they were clapping the Dom but also me. I now accept the fact that it is fine for me to be clapped for being able to take what is given to me. No one says "Why is she playing with that old bugger?" My flogging finishes with my only being clothed in a thong. No one laughs and comments on how small I am. I would not mind if they did as I am into humiliation.

    I do hope this blog post of yours and anything in my comments helps people who worry about their body image. Life is far to short to worry about stuff like that.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank you so much.
    I came onto your blog because I was trying to find pictures of shibari (so pretty!!), and I ended up finding this page. This means so much to me. This is really touching an amazing. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete

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