Hello to all of our followers! We are happy and very proud to announce that we're in the process of moving all of our older posts over to our new website www.michellefegatofi.org . I have to mention up front that it's totally free! I will never ask that you pay for a membership to read my blogs.
This past year has been a literal life transformation for both Padrone and I. We have had many health scares and decided to change our diet and exercise regimen. We concentrated mainly on our health and our dynamic this year and kind of lost touch with our online followers. We've both lost a lot of weight and are much healthier now.
After much thought, we decided that it would be better to combine all of my blogs into one space to make it easier for people to reach and maybe even discover something new to learn about.
Our new site will have all of our BDSM posts (as well as new ones coming soon), but it also my posts on my journey to living a healthier lifestyle, my battles with epilepsy, and a column that I've called 'Life in General'.
While it is up and running and there are many posts that from both of my blogs that have been ported over, I still have a lot of work to do so please be patient! In the meantime, why not go and have a look around?
I encourage you to subscribe at the bottom of the page so that you will get updates directly when I post a new blog.
Here's a direct link to the BDSMUnveiled Section:
https://www.michellefegatofi.org/home/categories/bdsm-lifestyle-nsfw
Thank you for your continued support and we hope to see you on our new site!
This past year has been a literal life transformation for both Padrone and I. We have had many health scares and decided to change our diet and exercise regimen. We concentrated mainly on our health and our dynamic this year and kind of lost touch with our online followers. We've both lost a lot of weight and are much healthier now.
After much thought, we decided that it would be better to combine all of my blogs into one space to make it easier for people to reach and maybe even discover something new to learn about.
Our new site will have all of our BDSM posts (as well as new ones coming soon), but it also my posts on my journey to living a healthier lifestyle, my battles with epilepsy, and a column that I've called 'Life in General'.
While it is up and running and there are many posts that from both of my blogs that have been ported over, I still have a lot of work to do so please be patient! In the meantime, why not go and have a look around?
I encourage you to subscribe at the bottom of the page so that you will get updates directly when I post a new blog.
Here's a direct link to the BDSMUnveiled Section:
https://www.michellefegatofi.org/home/categories/bdsm-lifestyle-nsfw
Thank you for your continued support and we hope to see you on our new site!
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I Am A Submissive Woman
i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive
i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive
to my Master in a loving
relationship.
i am not weak or stupid. i am a
strong woman,
with firm views and a clear concept
of what i want out of my life.
i do not serve out of shame or
weakness, but out of pride and strength.
i will look to my loving Master for
guidance and protection, for never
will i be more complete than when He
is with me.
i know that He will protect my body,
my mind, and my soul
with His strength and wisdom.
He is everything to me, as i am
everything to Him.
His touch awakens me and His
thoughts free me.
Only in serving Him do i find
complete freedom and joy…
His punishments may be harsh, but i
accept them thankfully,
knowing that He has my best
interests always foremost in His mind.
If He desires my body for pleasure,
i shall joyfully give it to Him
and take pleasure myself from
knowing that i have brought Him happiness.
However, the pleasure of the flesh
is but one facet of O/our relationship.
The love, the trust and sharing, the
words spoken and felt,
those are all parts of this
relationship.
My body is His, and if He says i am
beautiful, then i am.
No matter what i look like to
others, i am beautiful in His eyes,
and because of that i hold my head
high.
If He says i am His precious jewel,
then i am that…a beautiful,
sparkling gem.
If He says that i am His pet, His
slut, His whore, then i am that..
as wanton and dirty as He wants me
to be.
My mind is His, to expand, to
explore, to know only as He can.
i have no secrets from Him… for
secrets are a thing that would
keep me from being more perfectly
His.
Secrets would put a wall up between
my Master and myself…
and i do not want walls.
His lessons are not always ones i
would seek on my own,
but they are lessons He has decided
that i need, and so i learn from Him.
My soul is His, as bare to His touch
as ever my skin could be
when i kneel naked at His feet.
Never a moment goes by when i do not
feel His presence,
be He miles away or standing over
me.
If i were to ever displease Him, His
displeasure would be a blow to my soul,
worse punishment than any lashes
could be.
The anguish of my soul that i feel
when i disappoint Him
is harder to bear than any physical
anguish i feel.
i am grateful that he cares enough
about me to spend
His time and energy so freely on me.
i have the easier job, to feel, to
experience,
to let myself go and abandon
everything to Him.
i am His pleasure and His
responsibility, and He takes both seriously .
i am a submissive woman.
i am proud to call myself that, my
submission is a gift that i do not give lightly,
and can only be given to the One who
can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.
Only to my Master who has that
strength, will i give myself fully,
because i am strong and proud.
i am a submissive woman.
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A Master decrees and a slave obeys. We have all heard this saying in the BDSM community. It is one of the foundations of our lifestyle. But what exactly does it mean? What does it entail?
The perception among many newcomers to the Lifestyle, along with vanilla people, is that submissives/slaves are mindless people that have to do whatever the Dominant/Master says. They do not know or understand that only after mutual trust, respect, and limits are in place and understood, can that type of relationship begin to truly form.
In stricter M/s relationships, after a contract is signed, which normally includes limits and safe words, will a person become a slave and be trained to immediately obey whatever the Master says. In this type of environment or relationship, the slave is expected to obey every task/order without hesitating or questioning the motives behind the order. To clarify, questions are allowed in all BDSM relationships, but once the trust is built, this type of connection is much less tolerant of continuous questions. This kind of BDSM relationship is normally based in a training environment. The slave usually has little or no personal time at all. Their sole purpose is to learn how to serve a Dominant in body, mind and spirit.
In M/s relationships based on feelings, some of the above things still hold true. A slave will still be trained to please the Master and expected to obey without hesitating in most instances. If the slave does ask a question, she most likely won't punished. The Master will be less strict in some areas such as giving the slave personal time and allowing the slave more times to talk in an informal setting with him\her instead of being strictly based on high protocol all of the time. They still have rules in place that are expected to be followed as well as punishments when needed.
In still yet another type of M\s relationship, the Master is known as a Daddy Dom. This type of connection is normally a very informal and loose type of relationship. While they still have rules they want followed, they are far less rules and punishments are rarely given out unless something very wrong was done. The Dominants are usually love spoiling their slaves and the slaves are deeply devoted to making their Daddy Dom as happy as they can.
A Master Decrees. A slave obeys.
The perception among many newcomers to the Lifestyle, along with vanilla people, is that submissives/slaves are mindless people that have to do whatever the Dominant/Master says. They do not know or understand that only after mutual trust, respect, and limits are in place and understood, can that type of relationship begin to truly form.
In stricter M/s relationships, after a contract is signed, which normally includes limits and safe words, will a person become a slave and be trained to immediately obey whatever the Master says. In this type of environment or relationship, the slave is expected to obey every task/order without hesitating or questioning the motives behind the order. To clarify, questions are allowed in all BDSM relationships, but once the trust is built, this type of connection is much less tolerant of continuous questions. This kind of BDSM relationship is normally based in a training environment. The slave usually has little or no personal time at all. Their sole purpose is to learn how to serve a Dominant in body, mind and spirit.
In M/s relationships based on feelings, some of the above things still hold true. A slave will still be trained to please the Master and expected to obey without hesitating in most instances. If the slave does ask a question, she most likely won't punished. The Master will be less strict in some areas such as giving the slave personal time and allowing the slave more times to talk in an informal setting with him\her instead of being strictly based on high protocol all of the time. They still have rules in place that are expected to be followed as well as punishments when needed.
In still yet another type of M\s relationship, the Master is known as a Daddy Dom. This type of connection is normally a very informal and loose type of relationship. While they still have rules they want followed, they are far less rules and punishments are rarely given out unless something very wrong was done. The Dominants are usually love spoiling their slaves and the slaves are deeply devoted to making their Daddy Dom as happy as they can.
So, as you can see, the saying "A Master decrees. A slave obeys" is correct but there are many diverse ways it can be practiced and interpreted. If you are just starting to explore the Lifestyle, don't get locked into one way of thinking. Keep an open mind and remember that all relationships are different and they will change over time.
What do you think about it? Comment and share this article on your social media accounts or email it to a friend!
A Master Decrees. A slave obeys.
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In your exploration to further your knowledge of BDSM or D/s, you may have come across the terms submissive mind or mindset.
There are many varying definitions for this. Some believe that their minds are always in a submissive place. Others believe that rituals are what transition them into becoming submissive in their thoughts.
To me, a "submissive mind or mindset" is that place inside a person in which they always submit to another, maybe only one special person, but are always submissive to him/her. No matter what I am doing, when blogging, working on a new book, answering or interacting with my readers, or just normal housework, I am always submissive to my Dominant, Padrone Marco. His values, thoughts, guidance, and needs are always incorporated to everything I do.
It is not something that I force or have to set my mind to. It just comes from within. It is a natural thing for me to want to make Padrone happy and proud. It makes me happy to serve him, follow his guidance, ask for direction when I am unsure of how to proceed in something, and just to submit to his will in whatever I am doing.
There is a common thought among those that do not truly understand the dynamics of true submission. Outsiders think submissives are doormats. Now, do not take my submission to Padrone as making me weak. Being submissive does not mean a person is weak. It means I chose to submit to him because of the bond, love and trust we share.
Here is the biggest factor in the mindset of a submissive. It is my experience that a true sub/slave has a natural focus that is centered on others. This is something that comes natural to him or her. Compare this with the common self-centered focus. One who attempts to serve while being self focused is going to have issues.
True submissives thrive on intense, intimate, emotionally-open relationships. When serving, submitting, or performing tasks, they are most at ease and happiest. A submissive in this mindset is usually playful, confident, willing and wanting to help others achieve that same state, and always naturally working towards making her Dominant happy.
A submissive knows herself; every strength, every fault and failing. She is her own worst critic. And yet, this self-knowledge makes her strong. She is able to give more than most women. She is open and vulnerable in a way that most can never comprehend. But this is her freedom.
There are many varying definitions for this. Some believe that their minds are always in a submissive place. Others believe that rituals are what transition them into becoming submissive in their thoughts.
To me, a "submissive mind or mindset" is that place inside a person in which they always submit to another, maybe only one special person, but are always submissive to him/her. No matter what I am doing, when blogging, working on a new book, answering or interacting with my readers, or just normal housework, I am always submissive to my Dominant, Padrone Marco. His values, thoughts, guidance, and needs are always incorporated to everything I do.
It is not something that I force or have to set my mind to. It just comes from within. It is a natural thing for me to want to make Padrone happy and proud. It makes me happy to serve him, follow his guidance, ask for direction when I am unsure of how to proceed in something, and just to submit to his will in whatever I am doing.
There is a common thought among those that do not truly understand the dynamics of true submission. Outsiders think submissives are doormats. Now, do not take my submission to Padrone as making me weak. Being submissive does not mean a person is weak. It means I chose to submit to him because of the bond, love and trust we share.
Here is the biggest factor in the mindset of a submissive. It is my experience that a true sub/slave has a natural focus that is centered on others. This is something that comes natural to him or her. Compare this with the common self-centered focus. One who attempts to serve while being self focused is going to have issues.
True submissives thrive on intense, intimate, emotionally-open relationships. When serving, submitting, or performing tasks, they are most at ease and happiest. A submissive in this mindset is usually playful, confident, willing and wanting to help others achieve that same state, and always naturally working towards making her Dominant happy.
A submissive knows herself; every strength, every fault and failing. She is her own worst critic. And yet, this self-knowledge makes her strong. She is able to give more than most women. She is open and vulnerable in a way that most can never comprehend. But this is her freedom.
So, whether you have to switch from vanilla independent to being in a submissive mindset using a ritual, it comes naturally to you, or you have a combination of the two, remember one thing: As long as you are happy, and you are doing what makes you proud, having a submissive mind will lead you to that freedom only true submissives feel.
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Over the years, I have been asked many questions about the BDSM lifestyle.
The questions ranged from D/s, S&M, to is BDSM normal. Recently, many have asked why people practice and get into BDSM. I have been asked advice by readers on how to explain why they chose to lead a BDSM lifestyle to their vanilla family and friends. Hopefully, my own explanation will help guide you in one of your own.
The questions ranged from D/s, S&M, to is BDSM normal. Recently, many have asked why people practice and get into BDSM. I have been asked advice by readers on how to explain why they chose to lead a BDSM lifestyle to their vanilla family and friends. Hopefully, my own explanation will help guide you in one of your own.
As we all know, every person is different. People's likes, wants, needs, and desires vary tremendously. As a consensual BDSM slave, I can only speak from my own experience. I have always had a need to please. Even though I was raised by a very independent mother and neutral father, I have always believed that man is the Dominant one and head of the household. Men may consult their woman on important matters, but, in the end, they make the final decision. Why did I believe this when I was not raised in this fashion?
I can't explain other than to say it's in my nature, the very fiber of what makes me who I am. When I found BDSM, a whole lot of things made sense. During my younger years, I shied away from dating for the most part because I knew what I felt wasn't "normal". After I became an adult and found the Lifestyle, I finally had a name to all the feelings I had felt most of my life. It was called submission.
Submission, or being submissive, in a BDSM or D/s relationship is more about fulfilling a need, not just a desire. For me, I get immense satisfaction from serving my Padrone Marco. The actual action of performing whatever duties He has given to me gratify my need to serve, but also satisfies an emotional part of me. It makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Seeing the joy and pride on Padrone's face when He eats something I've cooked, read something I've written, or is made happy by any of the other things I've done, fills me with an exaltation that is only achieved from my complete submission to Him.
Submission is just one piece of a very complex puzzle that can make up a BDSM relationship. You have to remember that I have an emotional, physical, mental and some would say almost spiritual, connection with Padrone. Not every couple/group practicing a BDSM lifestyle has, nor do they want, the same type of connections that I have with my Padrone. There are some people that gravitate towards S&M simply because they need or crave kinky sex. Others use flogging and bondage as an emotional release and a reason to scream or cry, because they can't, or won't, allow themselves that much-needed release otherwise.
You also have the other side of the coin in BDSM, Domination. The need to dominate is also a natural need in some men and women. Not all women are submissives and likewise with men. Not all men are dominant. People, in the Lifestyle referred to as a "natural" dominant, are not bullies. They also do not shout out that they are dominants to everyone. They simply have a natural inclination to be dominant in every aspect of their lives. Like submission is in my nature, domination is in Padrone's. It's as natural as breathing to Him.
So, why do people practice BDSM? Because it's a personal choice that satisfies some inner part of them they can't get anywhere else. It gratifies their natural tendency towards domination, submission, or sadomasochism. Because it makes them happy and it is a consensual, knowledgeable choice. That's why.
I have lived vanilla and BDSM lifestyles and can say there is no comparison. Being a consensual slave has satiated my need to submit and serve one special Dominant. It has brought me happiness, fulfillment, and an internal satisfaction that is pretty indescribable. For me, I would and will never choose a different way of life.
Feel free to leave your own story, explanation, questions or just a comment! We love hearing from our readers!
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Sub Drop can come in many different forms. Sub Drop is the emotional and physical effects of the release and drop of endorphins in the body after a play session. Since the increase of hormones and chemicals has produced a trance-like state (subspace), as play ends the submissive may feel out-of-body, detached from reality. As the sub's system stops producing morphine-like drugs, and as the nervous system kicks in again, the sub may feel a deep exhaustion, a sharp drop in temperature, as well as incoherence and uncoordinated.
Drop can also happen if play is stopped abruptly. BDSM play is a very vulnerable experience for people. It often involves exposing one's inner-self in ways that one has never before done. Sometimes, inexperienced Tops will begin BDSM play, and then abruptly terminate a scene and walk away. This can leave the abandoned sub in a very down state - feeling that they engaged their sense of trust to allow a Top to play with them, and that the Top simply let them splatter on the ground.
If not cared for, you could go into depression just from one play session. The endorphins and other hormones released during play leave your body in such a way that it takes time to rebuild the balance of hormones in your system. You could feel like you have a hangover or partied too hard the night before, you could feel lost and depressed for hours or days. You may just want to sleep it off. These are the more extreme forms of Drop. Some people recover in a matter of hours, but others could exhibit signs of Sub Drop for weeks after an intense session.
There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.
Aftercare, at its most basic, simply involves the willingness to continue being there with your play partner for a sufficient time period that they can feel safe, regain their emotional equilibrium, and no longer feel the need to cling to you. It is equally important to recognize that aftercare is for both the Top and bottom, Dominant and submissive. If either person leaves too soon, then their partner may feel abandonment or loss far exceeding the obvious dimensions of the scene.
Food or drink after play can be important: Water or sports-type drinks to re-hydrate, or juice to provide simple sugars. Eating some chocolate after play is recommended by some, as the opiate and cannabinoid effects of chocolate are similar to those of subspace, allowing a more gradual transition, and chocolate also contains several stimulants that can make mental processes feel more alert.
Continuing to help the transition, especially if going home alone after play, some people find that assembling "aftercare supplies" helps them continue to land gently after they arrive home. Relaxing music, comfort objects, scented candles, bubble baths, favorite books or movies, incense, and other forms of self-pampering serve to continue to remind people that they are special and cared for, allowing them to bask in the gradually fading fires of their flight into subspace.
The emotions that can surface during and after play are necessary to address. Don’t keep them bottled up. Write them down, talk about them and keep open communication with your partner. They can help you get through your feelings. Several of the things in the Aftercare kit are meant to help you establish that connection. A notebook to write your feelings down, a phone card to call your partner (if they are long distance), a letter from your partner telling you how they feel about you and perhaps even a voice recording. Call up some friends and get out, if you have lifestyle friends they too can help you recover from sub drop.
Drop can also happen if play is stopped abruptly. BDSM play is a very vulnerable experience for people. It often involves exposing one's inner-self in ways that one has never before done. Sometimes, inexperienced Tops will begin BDSM play, and then abruptly terminate a scene and walk away. This can leave the abandoned sub in a very down state - feeling that they engaged their sense of trust to allow a Top to play with them, and that the Top simply let them splatter on the ground.
If not cared for, you could go into depression just from one play session. The endorphins and other hormones released during play leave your body in such a way that it takes time to rebuild the balance of hormones in your system. You could feel like you have a hangover or partied too hard the night before, you could feel lost and depressed for hours or days. You may just want to sleep it off. These are the more extreme forms of Drop. Some people recover in a matter of hours, but others could exhibit signs of Sub Drop for weeks after an intense session.
There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.
- Recognize what it is. This is important, if you don't accept it for what it is, then you can talk yourself into a much worse state.
- Keep in contact with your play partner, tell them how you are feeling and seek reassurance from them that all is well. We all need to hear that we did good and that our partners enjoyed the scene as much as we did.
- Pamper yourself. Spend the day doing things you really enjoy. Long hot bubble bathes, manicures/pedicure, get your hair done. Anything that is going to help you feel better about yourself.
- Eat well and drink plenty of fluids. Your body is still in recovery process, so feed it well.
- Talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Find someone who can listen without judging and let it all out. If you need to cry do so, it's therapeutic.
Food or drink after play can be important: Water or sports-type drinks to re-hydrate, or juice to provide simple sugars. Eating some chocolate after play is recommended by some, as the opiate and cannabinoid effects of chocolate are similar to those of subspace, allowing a more gradual transition, and chocolate also contains several stimulants that can make mental processes feel more alert.
Continuing to help the transition, especially if going home alone after play, some people find that assembling "aftercare supplies" helps them continue to land gently after they arrive home. Relaxing music, comfort objects, scented candles, bubble baths, favorite books or movies, incense, and other forms of self-pampering serve to continue to remind people that they are special and cared for, allowing them to bask in the gradually fading fires of their flight into subspace.
The emotions that can surface during and after play are necessary to address. Don’t keep them bottled up. Write them down, talk about them and keep open communication with your partner. They can help you get through your feelings. Several of the things in the Aftercare kit are meant to help you establish that connection. A notebook to write your feelings down, a phone card to call your partner (if they are long distance), a letter from your partner telling you how they feel about you and perhaps even a voice recording. Call up some friends and get out, if you have lifestyle friends they too can help you recover from sub drop.
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This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. - Shakespeare's Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82
This quote from Shakespeare's play meansTo be true to yourself. Live your life for yourself and do not let others try to influence you to do things you don't want to do.
Most of us have two distinctly different sides to our personalities. One side is what we show the world, our outer authentic self. The second is our inner authentic self. The inner self is the one that only those closest to us get to see in depth. Our outer authenticity is how well what we say and do matches what is really going on inside us. Our inner authenticity is how well we actually know ourselves and are aware of our inner states.
No one is fully authentic all of the time in their outer presentation. Sometimes we need to put on an act to get by. Some people spend more time living unauthentically than others. It is unpleasant and can be damaging to you if you are trapped in jobs or relationships where you rarely get the chance to be yourselves. If you are in this type of situation, you need to start thinking of ways to change your life as soon as possible so that you can be free to express yourself authentically.
Surveys show that, on average, people who scored higher on tests for authenticity are more satisfied with life, have higher self-esteem and are generally happier. As Mohandas Gandhi put it so well, ‘happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony’.
Most people living any form of a BDSM lifestyle are usually not out in the open with their lifestyle choice. Many feel they need to hide this part of themselves from their family and friends due to the moralistic views of society. Some of us are fortunate enough to be able to maintain/practice/live, in part or whole, some form of a BDSM relationship out in the open.
In all of my posts, I try to educate and guide my readers in different aspects of BDSM, but do not push them to live or practice it exactly the same way as we do. Below are two lists of what Padrone Marco and I believe in.
Within a BDSM Relationship:
- Respect from both sides of a relationship at all times, during good times and disagreements are a must.
- Educate yourself on as many different parts of the lifestyle as you can, so you can discover which ones you like.
- Dominants should help their submissives to grow intellectually, not just in learning and performing their tasks and rules.
- Always be open and honest and never lie to your partner/s.
- Loyalty is a must for a true and lasting BDSM relationship.
- Understanding and flexibility from both sides are needed.
- There has to always be 2 way communication.
- Submissives will and do have the right to anger, sadness, or jealousy. But, do not act blindly on these and talk out any and all problems with your Dominant.
- Emotional support and growth should be nourished always and deeply from both the Dominant and submissive.
- Having and maintaining patience is a must!
- Talking and discussing problems in a calm manner versus yelling and screaming at each other.
Globally in the BDSM Community:
- Respect and honesty between others in the BDSM Lifestyle as a community.
- Never judge how others decide to live a BDSM lifestyle by your own standards, because there is no wrong way as long as it's consensual. Even if you don't agree or practice it their way.
- Respecting differing opinions and not causing conflict within our own community.
- Helping other people to grow and understand the BDSM Lifestyle from our own experiences and from the way we live it, but leaving the road open so that others can form their own journey.
- Standing up for the BDSM community rights to be seen and heard, while fighting the moralistic movement that would put us back in the closet.
We hope you continue to follow us and the education we hope to spread through our blogs and books by returning and reading us every day. Thank you for your continued support and we hope that our articles and peaks inside our own lives help you broaden your own knowledge of the Lifestyle.
Padrone Marco and Michelle Fegatofi
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I promised to give you all a sneak preview of the Table of Contents for my new book, Unveiled - The Secret Submissive Within.
I'm very proud to announce it here today! Let me know what you think! Look for more updates as the release date draws nearer!
I'm very proud to announce it here today! Let me know what you think! Look for more updates as the release date draws nearer!
Let me hear your thoughts on the content. Leave your comments below!
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Aging is a natural process that every human, no matter their lifestyle choice, goes through.
With age comes life experience, but also health issues, hormone changes, and most likely a decreased sex drive. Can you still practice a BDSM lifestyle as you grow older? That answer is yes. You just have to be imaginative and flexible.
As we age, our bodies naturally begin go slow down and change. The affects of aging are different for everyone, of course. If you had sex three times a day at 40, you might only have it once a day at 50 and once a week at 60. It all depends on your own body, health, hormones, and sex drive.
With age comes life experience, but also health issues, hormone changes, and most likely a decreased sex drive. Can you still practice a BDSM lifestyle as you grow older? That answer is yes. You just have to be imaginative and flexible.
As we age, our bodies naturally begin go slow down and change. The affects of aging are different for everyone, of course. If you had sex three times a day at 40, you might only have it once a day at 50 and once a week at 60. It all depends on your own body, health, hormones, and sex drive.
According to a study by the University of Chicago, more than three-quarters of American men and half of women aged 75 to 85 are still interested in sex. But culturally, we don’t see this. Dr. Queen has two theories. “There had been an underlying bias in our culture that sex really is, at bottom, for reproduction. That’s one of the things that continues to power homophobia too. After one is out of one’s reproductive years, the notion of sex becomes unseemly and even unacceptable to many. The other thing, I think, is that there is societal pressure on us to fear aging, and seeing evidence of older people’s sexuality brings up our difficult feelings about getting older, our own body image fears, fears of mortality.”
Aging is different in BDSM Relationships because our sexual play often includes implements which can, if incorrectly or badly used, injure one or both parties. As we age along with our partners in a BDSM Relationship, each of us may have to deal with a disability, or, as I prefer to call them, different abilities.
According to sexologist, Dr. Carol Queen, there are precautions that come with age. “Some sorts of BDSM are the erotic version of high-impact sports, a person of any age must take their health and body resilience into account” she explains “Some things to pay attention to with an older partner, is whether the skin is thinning and how their joints are doing. They’ll want to make sure they can communicate about health issues to partners.”
Hearing Loss
You probably would rather not have a Dominant flicking a single tail whip if he can't see well, but there are other play techniques that can be just as exciting, and much safer! A suggestion is to set up the scene very carefully and to do only BDSM play that is more body-to-body contact, such as over the knee (OTK) spanking with his hand or an implement such as a paddle with a short, manageable handle. This precludes the danger of a whip or other implement striking an area that could cause the bottom (receiver) injury or damage. Aging in a BDSM Relationship can help you be creative about working out the 'kinks' - be creative with your partner.
Muscle and Joint Pain and Flexibility
Strategically placed pillows are wonderful for achy knees. Changing position often helps keep muscles from freezing into painful, uncomfortable, rock-hard blobs. One of the most wonderful things about being with a partner for a long time, and knowing each other, is communication skills are often developed along the way. Tell your partner, "Uh, this is so not working for me!" and work together to find what does work. The truth is, many of us are happily aging in our BDSM relationships, with our aging partners, and as happily aging women or men, we have aches and pains, and, most of us can't bend in those low scraping bows, with even a modicum of grace anymore.
Aging is different in BDSM Relationships because our sexual play often includes implements which can, if incorrectly or badly used, injure one or both parties. As we age along with our partners in a BDSM Relationship, each of us may have to deal with a disability, or, as I prefer to call them, different abilities.
According to sexologist, Dr. Carol Queen, there are precautions that come with age. “Some sorts of BDSM are the erotic version of high-impact sports, a person of any age must take their health and body resilience into account” she explains “Some things to pay attention to with an older partner, is whether the skin is thinning and how their joints are doing. They’ll want to make sure they can communicate about health issues to partners.”
Hearing Loss
For some people, a crowded and noisy club, where quite often loud music and other kinky players make for difficult conversation anyway, make it very difficult to hear. This is the perfect place to practice non-verbal communication. Talk with her before the scene begins, to set up hand signals or other methods of letting you know that she wants to end the session, or that she needs to run to the bathroom. This will help you ensure you and your partner are on the same level and that there are less chances of something going wrong.
Eyesight Loss
You probably would rather not have a Dominant flicking a single tail whip if he can't see well, but there are other play techniques that can be just as exciting, and much safer! A suggestion is to set up the scene very carefully and to do only BDSM play that is more body-to-body contact, such as over the knee (OTK) spanking with his hand or an implement such as a paddle with a short, manageable handle. This precludes the danger of a whip or other implement striking an area that could cause the bottom (receiver) injury or damage. Aging in a BDSM Relationship can help you be creative about working out the 'kinks' - be creative with your partner.
Muscle and Joint Pain and Flexibility
Bottom line, there are many ways you can still enjoy an active BDSM sexual lifestyle, you just need to make adjustments for your own health limits/situation.
As our collective lifespans continue to increase, that stretch between 65 and 80 is no longer the last phase of life. It’s a new section of life, one that we've never had before.
Comments or Questions? Let me hear your thoughts!
Comments or Questions? Let me hear your thoughts!
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