Michelle Fegatofi

Hello to all of our followers! We are happy and very proud to announce that we're in the process of moving all of our older posts over to our new website www.michellefegatofi.org .  I have to mention up front that it's totally free! I will never ask that you pay for a membership to read my blogs.

This past year has been a literal life transformation for both Padrone and I. We have had many health scares and decided to change our diet and exercise regimen. We concentrated mainly on our health and our dynamic this year and kind of lost touch with our online followers. We've both lost a lot of weight and are much healthier now.

After much thought, we decided that it would be better to combine all of my blogs into one space to make it easier for people to reach and maybe even discover something new to learn about.

Our new site will have all of our BDSM posts (as well as new ones coming soon), but it also my posts on my journey to living a healthier lifestyle, my battles with epilepsy, and a column that I've called 'Life in General'.

While it is up and running and there are many posts that from both of my blogs that have been ported over, I still have a lot of work to do so please be patient! In the meantime, why not go and have a look around?

I encourage you to subscribe at the bottom of the page so that you will get updates directly when I post a new blog.

Here's a direct link to the BDSMUnveiled Section:

https://www.michellefegatofi.org/home/categories/bdsm-lifestyle-nsfw

Thank you for your continued support and we hope to see you on our new site!

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Michelle Fegatofi

2015 has gone by so fast. I remember starting the year with optimism, trying to approach my blog, the community and life with a fresh pair of eyes. I really felt a renewed energy not only in my connections to the Lifestyle, but also in life in general.

Now, here we are, right on the brink of starting another new year. I look back with some disappointments in things I didn’t achieve but also happy with the accomplishments that did happen.

Within the community as a collective whole, I’ve seen the usual new BDSM pages pop up, seen many close down, seen people come and go, and noted that many pages/people were still on a steady growth.

In April and May, our personal lives were in transition as we were hunting for a new place to live and finally found it and moved on June 1st. The entire process of packing, scheduling, unpacking and working during this entire time was very stressful but we made it through. My focus was completely not on writing, but just getting Padrone and myself back into a routine and making the new apartment home.

In 2014 and the early half of 2015, people were still coming in droves, declaring themselves a dom/master/sub/slave without having a clue what those titles really meant, and diving head first into what they called a TPE, only to have a new partner a month later because the old one hadn’t worked out. In August, I noticed the amount of new online BDSM people asking to be admitted to groups and pages decreasing in huge numbers. I think the affect that the 50 Shades books/movies had on the vanilla world finally ran it’s course.

I published a new book on Contracts and continued to mentor and answer questions when people asked me about the Lifestyle. My priorities changed at towards the end of the year from BDSM education to a new venture that is still in the early stages of development. I’m trying my hand at writing a trilogy of Sci-fi based fiction books. I’m not sure how long it will take to write even the first one, but it is an exciting new project I have on the horizon.

My first BDSM educational book, BDSM Basics for Beginners, is going to be translated and distributed in the Czech Republic by the end of 2016. They are even thinking of translating it into a few other languages.

The year for us was one of transitions, new beginnings, branching out in new directions, but always doing it together as a couple. Padrone has supported, guided and advised me on everything. I can say without a doubt that we have grown even closer in this past year.

Many couples that live a BDSM D/s or M/s lifestyle don’t think you can actually work together as a team. They see the Dominant as the only source of decision making. I respect those couples, but we are living proof that you can have an M/s relationship but also work as a team in certain arenas.

I have addressed this topic before and I will once again. The year ended on a bad note with the arrest of Mike Makai and one of his girlfriends. If you haven’t read the story, you can find it all over the internet. I won’t repost all the charges here.

After his past as a registered sex offender came to light and his newest arrest, I received many emails asking how this could happen. How could someone that had his background become a self proclaimed expert in the BDSM Lifestyle? What did everyone miss? How did he fool the entire community?

There are always going to be con men out in the world, especially on the internet. There are always going to be people that tell you what you want to hear, invent a whole new persona, just to get what they want. Most of them do it to gain your trust so they can get whatever their endgame is.

To protect yourself, you can research a person very thoroughly and still may not come up with their true identity. Listen to what your instincts are telling you. If you get the impression that something is off with a person, then listen to it. Take all the normal precautions you would when talking to strangers on the internet. Never give them your real phone number, home address, or financial information. If you ever are going to meet them in person after you feel secure enough, make sure it’s in a very well populated public place and you have someone with you that can help keep an eye out. Never allow the person to follow you home until you are absolutely sure about their identity and intentions.

As far as Makai, he covered his tracks very well and there were no references that could be found to connect him to his real name. There will be others that come along and fool us in the community. His indiscretions and bad decisions have given a new stigma to our community. We have to pick up and move forward. He really didn’t live what he taught.

With this black mark against our community, we are going to have to work extra hard as a community to try to recover our credibility. We are going to have to come together as a community and support each other when the backlash hits, as no doubt a huge wave will hit the Lifestyle as the details and trial of Makai come in the beginning of 2016.

I’m personally not going to make any New Year’s resolutions. I’m just going to concentrate on my own life and the relationships I’ve built over the years. I’m going to do my best to make the world around me beautiful and as free of stress as possible. I am making a promise to enjoy every day that dawns and every night that the moon rises. I want to enjoy life and not stress about my weight, looks or age. I want to enjoy my ever changing and growing relationship with my Padrone.

I urge you all to do the same thing. Enjoy your life as best as you can. Try not to allow the every day small stuff get under your skin and make your stress levels rise.

Simply love your life. Grow your knowledge. Make changes that make you happy. Just try your best to be happy.

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Michelle Fegatofi

I Am A Submissive Woman

i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive

to my Master in a loving relationship.

i am not weak or stupid. i am a strong woman,

with firm views and a clear concept of what i want out of my life.

i do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength.

i will look to my loving Master for guidance and protection, for never

will i be more complete than when He is with me.

i know that He will protect my body, my mind, and my soul

with His strength and wisdom.

He is everything to me, as i am everything to Him.

His touch awakens me and His thoughts free me.

Only in serving Him do i find complete freedom and joy…

His punishments may be harsh, but i accept them thankfully,

knowing that He has my best interests always foremost in His mind.

If He desires my body for pleasure, i shall joyfully give it to Him

and take pleasure myself from knowing that i have brought Him happiness.

However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of O/our relationship.

The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt,

those are all parts of this relationship.

My body is His, and if He says i am beautiful, then i am.

No matter what i look like to others, i am beautiful in His eyes,

and because of that i hold my head high.

If He says i am His precious jewel,

then i am that…a beautiful, sparkling gem.

If He says that i am His pet, His slut, His whore, then i am that..

as wanton and dirty as He wants me to be.

My mind is His, to expand, to explore, to know only as He can.

i have no secrets from Him… for secrets are a thing that would

keep me from being more perfectly His.

Secrets would put a wall up between my Master and myself…

and i do not want walls.

His lessons are not always ones i would seek on my own,

but they are lessons He has decided that i need, and so i learn from Him.

My soul is His, as bare to His touch as ever my skin could be

when i kneel naked at His feet.

Never a moment goes by when i do not feel His presence,

be He miles away or standing over me.

If i were to ever displease Him, His displeasure would be a blow to my soul,

worse punishment than any lashes could be.

The anguish of my soul that i feel when i disappoint Him

is harder to bear than any physical anguish i feel.

i am grateful that he cares enough about me to spend

His time and energy so freely on me.

i have the easier job, to feel, to experience,

to let myself go and abandon everything to Him.

i am His pleasure and His responsibility, and He takes both seriously .

i am a submissive woman.

i am proud to call myself that, my submission is a gift that i do not give lightly,

and can only be given to the One who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.

Only to my Master who has that strength, will i give myself fully,

because i am strong and proud.

i am a submissive woman.

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Michelle Fegatofi

Aging is a natural process that every human, no matter their lifestyle choice, goes through.
With age comes life experience, but also health issues, hormone changes, and most likely a decreased sex drive. Can you still practice a BDSM lifestyle as you grow older? That answer is yes. You just have to be imaginative and flexible.

As we age, our bodies naturally begin go slow down and change. The affects of aging are different for everyone, of course. If you had sex three times a day at 40, you might only have it once a day at 50 and once a week at 60. It all depends on your own body, health, hormones, and sex drive.

According to a study by the University of Chicago, more than three-quarters of American men and half of women aged 75 to 85 are still interested in sex. But culturally, we don’t see this. Dr. Queen has two theories. “There had been an underlying bias in our culture that sex really is, at bottom, for reproduction. That’s one of the things that continues to power homophobia too. After one is out of one’s reproductive years, the notion of sex becomes unseemly and even unacceptable to many. The other thing, I think, is that there is societal pressure on us to fear aging, and seeing evidence of older people’s sexuality brings up our difficult feelings about getting older, our own body image fears, fears of mortality.”

Aging is different in BDSM Relationships because our sexual play often includes implements which can, if incorrectly or badly used, injure one or both parties. As we age along with our partners in a BDSM Relationship, each of us may have to deal with a disability, or, as I prefer to call them, different abilities.

According to sexologist, Dr. Carol Queen, there are precautions that come with age. “Some sorts of BDSM are the erotic version of high-impact sports, a person of any age must take their health and body resilience into account” she explains “Some things to pay attention to with an older partner, is whether the skin is thinning and how their joints are doing. They’ll want to make sure they can communicate about health issues to partners.”

Hearing Loss

For some people, a crowded and noisy club, where quite often loud music and other kinky players make for difficult conversation anyway, make it very difficult to hear. This is the perfect place to practice non-verbal communication. Talk with her before the scene begins, to set up hand signals or other methods of letting you know that she wants to end the session, or that she needs to run to the bathroom. This will help you ensure you and your partner are on the same level and that there are less chances of something going wrong.

Eyesight Loss

You probably would rather not have a Dominant flicking a single tail whip if he can't see well, but there are other play techniques that can be just as exciting, and much safer! A suggestion is to set up the scene very carefully and to do only BDSM play that is more body-to-body contact, such as over the knee (OTK) spanking with his hand or an implement such as a paddle with a short, manageable handle. This precludes the danger of a whip or other implement striking an area that could cause the bottom (receiver) injury or damage. Aging in a BDSM Relationship can help you be creative about working out the 'kinks' - be creative with your partner.

Muscle and Joint Pain and Flexibility 

Strategically placed pillows are wonderful for achy knees. Changing position often helps keep muscles from freezing into painful, uncomfortable, rock-hard blobs. One of the most wonderful things about being with a partner for a long time, and knowing each other, is communication skills are often developed along the way. Tell your partner, "Uh, this is so not working for me!" and work together to find what does work. The truth is, many of us are happily aging in our BDSM relationships, with our aging partners, and as happily aging women or men, we have aches and pains, and, most of us can't bend in those low scraping bows, with even a modicum of grace anymore.

Bottom line, there are many ways you can still enjoy an active BDSM sexual lifestyle, you just need to make adjustments for your own health limits/situation.

As our collective lifespans continue to increase, that stretch between 65 and 80 is no longer the last phase of life. It’s a new section of life, one  that we've never had before.

Comments or Questions? Let me hear your thoughts! 

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Michelle Fegatofi

After a while, even with the kink that goes on in a BDSM relationship, things can become routine.

A spanking is just another spanking, or serving becomes so routine you can do it with out thought. In time, all relationships can get into a rut. Here are some things you might try to spice up your relationship with your Dom or sub partner.

All the Kink, but None of the Thrill

If you are a couple that incorporates some or many BDSM toys in your daily or weekly sex life and you or your partner are not getting the same thrill or zing from it, it may be time to go back to basics. 

Recently, I received an email from a fan that was having trouble achieving an orgasm. She stated that her Dom uses the same toys every session, even if in different orders, and that he uses many different ones. I recommended them going back to basics. 

See, the human body has many pleasure and pain points. There are many toys on the market (bondage, vibrators, clamps, blindfolds, dildos, floggers, paddles, etc...) that do very good jobs at enhancing sexual arousal and pleasure. But, if you use all of the toys mentioned above for every scene or session, after time, depending on the person, it can become routine and your body gets used to them. 

I suggested she set down with her Dominant and discuss this problem. She did and they got rid of all but one toy and decided to change up the toys from scene to scene and to sometimes leave them out all together, using only hands and the ability to obey, as their "tools". I received an email about 3 weeks later and she said that it worked! She had orgasmed every time. 

Back to Basics Suggestions:

If you are used to letting toys do the work of arousing and teasing your sub, then you should learn or re-learn to use your mind, body and voice as your only tools. 

Voice - Use your most dominant sounding voice to command your sub to stay in certain positions (on all fours, flat on back knees raised, arms to the side, standing at attention legs wide apart, etc...). The sound and power that comes from a natural dominant's commands will sink into a sub's mind and stimulate not only her need and wish to submit to whatever you say, but will also activate her sexual desires as well. Remember, the mind is the most sensual sexual organ we possess.

Body - Use your hands to tease the sub's body. Play with her breasts and nipples, touching light to hard. Experiment with lightly touching her with just your fingertips all over her body while she is laying still and commanded not to move. Use your lips to nibble and reign kisses all over her neck, arms, legs, and torso (front and back) while skipping over her clit and nipples. This builds anticipation and will be unexpected. Have her lay on her stomach with legs spread and lay down on top of her, teasing her vagina with your penis without actually inserting it. Play with her. Enjoy the feeling of your skin on hers. Of the differences between the two of you and how wonderful you both feel touching each other. 

Mind - This is your biggest asset, because this is where all the feelings and stimulus that you are doing to her body end up going. Use your imagination. Allow yourself to act out your fantasies with her. Get into her mind, make it sensual and sexy. Make her feel deeply how much you want her by showing her physically and telling her verbally. 

Sometimes we forget how to actually connect with our partners without using toys, bondage, or other stimuli. Even if you aren't having issues because of incorporating too many things, take a step back every now and then and embrace a simpler but very sexy and sensual form of sex. 

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Michelle Fegatofi

Many of you have heard me speak of how much better I have been with my epilepsy, mental and physical health, and overall well being since I have been with my Padrone.

Padrone Marco Fegatofi

Sunday we are celebrating our 2nd anniversary and thought it would be a great idea to look back. I don't even look like the same person I was over 2.5 years ago!

Love and complete submission can do wonders.

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Michelle Fegatofi

I tried logging into my tumblr account michellefegatofi.tumblr.com today and it was gone.

I sent an email to their help desk and they said it was deleted because I used an affiliate's tag and was now considered a spammer. So, apparently, using the same hashtag is a no no. Lesson learned.

I decided to open a new account and rebuild my followers. When I was adjusting the settings, I got a big surprise! The now-Yahoo-owned blogging network made a significant change to the way adult-themed blogs could be discovered on the site, which even further hid their content from public consumption. 

One of the best things about Tumblr was that if you knew how to utilize hashtags properly, you could get your name, business, or internet site indexed on the web much faster and acquire many more followers faster. Now with their new settings, only followers can search your content. Adult themed blogs will not be searchable within Tumblr or on the net. So, now I am on the fence if I even want to bother with populating the new account. 

Despite promising users that it "wouldn't police porn," Tumblr has already made changes to the way adult or NSFW content shows up within its network. Although Tumblr won't actively police content and ban users from uploading nude or NSFW photos, the company has made some significant adjustments to how users can discover and view that content.

It makes sense that Tumblr may not want to index NSFW content — especially if the company wants to sell ads on more content — but rather than putting up faux walls for discovery or denying access to certain terms in mobile apps, the company should create an explicit opt-in setting that allows users to decide if they want to see potentially adult or NSFW content in search. Turn it off by default if you want. This wouldn't be unlike how Google allows users to omit NSFW or adult content from their settings.

If Tumblr isn't careful about how it handles the community response to its new policies, it could backfire.

What do you think of Tumblr's new policies? Are you outraged or is this much ado about nothing? Let us know in the comments.

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Michelle Fegatofi

Think about when you are happiest.
Is it when you are in submissive situations? Serving your Dominant? Do you get grumpy or feel out of sorts when life or other outside forces disturb your well established, submissive routines? What happens if many things hit you all at once and totally screw up the nice little world you and your Dominant have worked so hard to establish and maintain?

As many of you know, if you read me on a pretty regular basis, I am pretty much a happy person all the time. Yes, of course I have days or times I am not as happy as others, but as a whole I do see a world full of rainbows. The main reason is due to the wonderful, happy bubble my Padrone Marco Fegatofi keeps me in all the time. He knows that I am most happy when I am serving him, following his instructions, working on our internet pages, etc. He always tries to keep any negativity, stress, drama, and other bad things away from me and deals with them by himself. He has done an extremely good job over the past two years we have lived together.

But every now and then, my happy bubble gets a leak! In the course of a week, too many negatives hit me all at once. So, now that a couple of weeks have passed, I have to look into my inner self and try to re-balance my inner submissive and reestablish my happy bubble.

First, to make it clear, my submissiveness to Padrone has never waned. My inner happy balance has taken several hits though. I don't deal with stress well and if bad news comes in different ways all at once, well, I have seizures. That's my body's way of dealing with it because of my epilepsy. Now that the worst of the negative things have passed, how do I get my happy bubble back and sealed once again?

• I remind myself of how lucky I am to be with the man and Master of my dreams. 
• I remind myself that the negatives are past so now it is time to forget them and move on. 
• I asked Padrone for more attention and snuggle time. That always helps me come back into balance whenever it gets out of whack. 
• I write about my experience in hopes that it will help others that may go through similar hard times. Writing and helping others always make me feel good. 

Now, if you have something that happens in your own life that disrupts your wonderful little submissive world, what can you do to help yourself?

• First, make sure your connection with your Dominant is solid and lean on him/her. 
• Second, do more of the things that make you happy (Submissive tasks, writing, cooking, family time, Dominant attention time, etc). Make sure whatever it is that makes your world a happy place normally, is being done on a daily basis if you can. 
• Third, take time every day to remind yourself of what you have to be grateful for and happy about. 
• Forth, try to let the negative feelings go. This is the hardest thing for me. But after bad events are over and done with, it does your body and mind no good to dwell on them. Look to the future. 
• Fifth, think of your happy place! My personal happy place is when I am in Padrone's arms. That is my shelter and when I feel the best. Is yours when you are on your knees beside your Dominant? Buried under a special blanket? Whatever it is, always keep that image and the awesome feelings close to your heart and in your head so you can think of it when you are down or sad. 

I don't know if these techniques will help you reestablish your own happy balance, but I hope they help. 

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Michelle Fegatofi

There are so many ways to practice the BDSM Lifestyle. There are so many different types of people in the world that they are bound to be clashes at some point. But, we all have to be adult enough to put those clashes aside.

To get anything done and actually make a difference in any of the FB policies, we have to unite together as a united front, beyond our differences, petty arguments, and disagreements. We have to show that we are one community and we are all fighting for the same goal.

If we come at the world like a crazed mob, calling those that disagree with us bad names, sending hate mail, or shouting at the top of our lungs how our way is the right way, we will never get anywhere or be taken seriously.

So, please, if you are doing anything to help us #StopBDSMFBCensorship , then get on board and help us in creative and intelligent ways so we do present a united, intelligent front.

I am part of a group that is growing rapidly and we are working toward the same goal as one unit. If you would like to join, please contact me or comment below.

Thank you and keep up the fight!

Michelle Fegatofi

Below is a list of sites to tweet a message to with the hashtag #StopBDSMFBCensorship . Feel free to send me any suggestions for more people or organizations that will help further our cause. If you know any people in the media or in wide spread organizations, please contact them and let them know of our cause.
Please get out there and spread the word!

Here is an example of some of the tweets that my Padrone has been working on:

@bdsmovementnet Pls help promote the cause against FB shutting down BDSM pages #StopBDSMfbCensorship http://goo.gl/hXlXd

https://twitter.com/FetLife
https://twitter.com/informedconsent
https://twitter.com/AlterNet
https://twitter.com/subguide
https://twitter.com/cnn
https://twitter.com/bbc
https://twitter.com/BBCWorld
https://twitter.com/cbs
https://twitter.com/wikileaks
https://twitter.com/aljazeera
https://twitter.com/abc
https://twitter.com/abcnews
https://twitter.com/Independent_ie
https://twitter.com/time
https://twitter.com/Tweet__News
https://twitter.com/scoopit
https://twitter.com/NCSF

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Michelle Fegatofi

If you are on Twitter, Please get the message out to stop FB from deleting pages. Use the hashtag

#StopBDSMFBCensorship to help get the word out faster! You can also use it on all social media sites!

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Michelle Fegatofi

I would like to introduce you all to a wonderful couple, Master Grimm and Slave Nalani.

They are a 24/7 BDSM couple that live the lifestyle while being cross-country or long haul truck drivers. I found Nalani so fascinating and their dynamic so beautiful, I asked her to share her story with us. I will be posting an entry from her each month. Below is her first post. One of the first lessons we all can learn from this wonderful couple is that you can't let anything stand in the way of your happiness. If you want to live the Lifestyle, there is always a way. Now, enjoy reading.

Slave Nalani & Master Grimm

'I would like to introduce myself first before I start writing on my Journal's. My name is slave Nalani. I was born and raised in Rotterdam, The Netherlands. I am 35 years and old lived my whole life in Europe before I moved to the United States of America 3years ago.

As child I was always by myself and didn't have any good friends. Maybe it was because I was different than most kids, which I now know that was the case.

Both of my parents worked, my father as cook and my mother in the fabric industry. At age of 16, I found myself alone, standing on my own two feet. From that point on, I looked at the world wondering how to make it through, because I didn't have my parents anymore. As time went by and I became older, my submissive feelings became stronger, especially when I looked at black leather items and when I started to watch some erotic things. It was very strange to me, but I do need to emphasize that I was perfectly comfortable with it and with who I was.

I went to the Erotic Expo and ended up in the special part of it called "The SM Area" in Europe. My eyes were focused on the girl who got candle wax poured over her body and I watched all of the stuff the Dominant did to her. I felt warm while looking at it, and thought to myself “Wow wish I was that girl!” From that moment I knew, I was positive about who I really was for all those years!

As I researched more into the Why's and the How's online, I came across lots of information that took time for me to realize that this was what I really needed. I mean did I really want those spankings? Do I really want to have a ball in my mouth or the burning wax on my body? Then I started thinking that yes, it is exactly what I want. Why would my body get warm from it and why would my blood start flowing faster through my veins if I didn't really need it?

So I started reading books online and watching movies. The more information I found, the happier I became! One story I was reading online was about a couple who lives as Master and slave and oh my goodness that was exciting! The woman slave was explained how much she enjoyed her lifestyle and how much she loved to get her playtime with her Master, who was also her Husband.

Every time I read those stories, I felt warm all over and so happy at the same time! The more I searched and tried to find answers, the more I knew I am a submissive girl. I started hoping to become as happy as all those people who wrote about their lives online and in books one day.

But unfortunately I lived without BDSM or happiness for many years and I ended up in the wrong type of marriage, where I felt miserable and not happy at all! I got a divorce after being mistreated for years and again found myself alone. I worked and moved on with my life alone, which was a very painful time. I had no one to share my thoughts with, no one to share my needs with. How long could I hold it together like that?

I made some friends during that time who were cool, or so I thought they were. We talked a lot and had some good conversations. I thought well you know what? Now is the time to tell them that there is something different about me, so I did! I told them I had special feelings inside me and that I wished I could let it all out. Of course they didn't know what I was talking about, so I told them that I am a submissive and that I hope to find a Real Man in my life who will be my Master. Man, I was so wrong for telling them. They laughed and made fun of me! They told me that they "can beat me up" and that I don't have to live this lifestyle telling "bring me a newspaper we spank you”. I wished I hadn’t opened my mouth, but I thought it was okay. I stopped them from making fun of me and distanced myself from them.

More time went by and there was still no one to share my feelings with and no one to give my gift of submission to. Was I going to end up by myself in this world? Am I that strange to people that they are afraid of me for being a submissive? Why do people not understand that this is what makes me happy, that this is what I need? I need to be dominated to be controlled. My body needs to be taken to that place that only I can feel.'

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Michelle Fegatofi

If you don't already know, bondage is the activity of restraining people for mutual erotic pleasure-tying someone up, locking them in chains, cuffs or collars, or using more esoteric forms of restraint--it's fun, can be incredibly hot and is a huge turn-on for a lot of people.

Per one well known source, the Kinsey Institute, 12% of females and 22% of males respond erotically to S&M. Studies vary, but another one (Lowe, 1983) had it that 5-10% of the U.S. engages in SM for sexual pleasure on at least an occasional basis. It also said that 11% of men and 17% of women reported at least trying bondage, so it follows that these people thought it might be a turn on. It is nothing new, but seems to be growing.

Just look at the massive (and growing) amount of bondage-related images in pop culture these days--movies, TV and music videos--and you can see that people are awakening to this side of sexuality. If you ever found yourself watching a movie with slightly more than causal interest when the girl or guy was tied up or had a collar locked around their neck or was locked in a prison cell, then you probably know a bit about this already.

Bondage as a sexual activity first came to notice in Japan in the late Edo period. Generally recognized as "father of Kinbaku" is Seiu Ito, who started studying and researching Hojōjutsu is credited with the inception of Kinbaku, though it is noted that he drew inspiration from other art forms of the time including Kabuki theatre and Ukiyoe woodblock prints. Kinbaku became widely popular in Japan in the 1950s through magazines such as Kitan Club and Yomikiri Romance, which published the first naked bondage photographs. In the 1960s, people such as Eikichi Osada began to appear performing live SM shows often including a large amount of rope bondage, today these performers are often referred to as Nawashi (rope master) or Bakushi (from kinbakushi, meaning bondage master).

The ropes used come in a variety of materials and length. Japanese bondage traditionally uses natural fibers such as hemp and jute which are cut to approximately 25 foot lengths. American-style bondage typically uses longer ropes that span a wider variety of materials.

An important part of rope bondage is the rope dress, which is not of itself a form of restraint, but may be used either by itself as an adornment, or as a basis for restraining bondage.

There are two main names used in the BDSM community today for rope bondage - Kinbaku and Shibari. There is much discussion about the distinction between shibari and kinbaku, and whether one term is more appropriate than another. One modern distinction which is gaining popularity is that shibari refers to purely artistic, aesthetic rope, whilst kinbaku refers to the artistic, connective, sensual, sexual practice as a whole.

A traditional view is that the term 'shibari' is a wrong Western Japonism. The word denotes tying in Japanese, but in a generic way, and traditionally not in the context of bondage. The names for many particular ties include 'shibari', but it is not traditional to call the entire activity that way. Instead, Kinbaku is the term for artistic or erotic tying within traditional Japanese rope bondage circles.

However, this is a somewhat hidebound definition and the word shibari is now increasingly being re-imported from the West to Japan, as the tying communities are very much interconnected. Most Japanese kinbakushi do not object to the term shibari, as it's common vernacular in the global community.

Kinbaku Technique

Kinbaku means 'tight binding'. Kinbaku is a Japanese style of bondage or BDSM which involves tying up the bottom using simple, yet visually intricate patterns, usually with several pieces of thin rope. The allusion is to the use of hemp rope for restraining prisoners, as a symbol of power, in the same way that stocks or manacles are used in a Western BDSM context.

Traditional Kinbaku is based on fairly specific rope patterns, most of them derived from Hojojutsu ties. Of particular importance are the Ushiro Takatekote (a type of arm box tie), which forms the basis of most Kinbaku ties, and the Ebi, or "Shrimp", which was originally designed as a torture tie but today makes the bottom vulnerable for more pleasant forms of play.

For historic reasons, Kinbaku uses very few knots, sometimes none at all, or only a cow hitch or an overhand knot. This requires rope with high friction. According to Sensei Nawa Yumio in his 1964 classic book on Torinawa, knots on a person was regarded as extremely disgraceful, something some would regard as worse than death. Restraints with no knots were not considered "bondage" and there was no shame in such; therefore, "wrappings" were used.

A Feeling of Wonder

So what does it actually feel like to be tied in a technique that’s so infused in history, secrecy, sensuality and mysticism? The tension in the rope, controlled entirely by the rigger, becomes a link between the two of you, so being tied feels like an all-over embrace. As the cords tighten around you the rope artist actually employs Shiatsu techniques (a type of Japanese massage) on specific pressure points. The roughness of the natural fibers in hemp or jute rope gives you goose-bumps as it slowly trails across your skin.

You fall into a trance-like state of deep relaxation and euphoria known as ‘rope space’, which for me feels similar to ‘sub space’ but without the sexual charge. Flooded with endorphins, your muscles relax and your speech slurs, if you can speak at all. You submit yourself entirely to the ecstasy of being bound. And all that, just from a piece of rope in the right hands - usually without any sexual touching at all.

Safety Considerations

There are several safety issues to consider when playing bondage games, concerning consent, abuse, and physical injuries. If you don't feel safe with something then don't do it, there are hundreds of other things you can do instead.

This is NOT something to try with someone you've just met. You really don't know whether they are trustworthy or not until you know them better, however charming they may seem at first.

• Never let a partner coerce or bully you into any sexual practice that you don't want to do. It's perfectly OK to say no, a decent lover will understand.
• Talk about it beforehand and discuss what you plan to do. Say what you will or will not allow. These rules and limits are sacred and must not be broken during the game.
• Have a safe word agreed before you begin. This is something that the passive partner can say if they want the other person to stop, a common safe word is 'enough'. The active partner must then stop what they are doing immediately, and release the passive partner within seconds.
• Never tie something around someone's neck unless it is a collar that's specially made for the purpose. There is a high risk of tissue damage, choking, or fatal strangulation. Similarly, gags are potentially dangerous.
• If someone is tied up, they must never be left alone. The active partner must make sure they are comfortable, breathing properly, and that nothing is cutting off their circulation.
• Do not try bondage in a remote place, just in case there is an accident that leaves the active partner injured and the passive partner tied up with no way of getting help.
• If you've never tried bondage before, don't go straight into anything that uses complicated equipment. This is for experts only and has extra safety issues that you may not understand.
• The rules of safer sex still apply. Use condoms for penetrative sex. Drink and drugs can cause you to seriously underestimate safety risks. Avoid intoxication.

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Michelle Fegatofi

Pet Play or Animal roleplay may be either a non-sexual or an erotic sexual role-play (when it may also be called petplay, ponyplay, ponyism or pup-play).
In its erotic sexual role-play form, one or more of the participants takes on the role of a real or imaginary animal in character, including appropriate mannerisms and behavior, and sometimes a partner will act as another animal or in a sexual context may take the role of rider, trainer, or caretaker (or even breeding partner).

The principal theme of animal role play is usually the voluntary or involuntary reduction (or transformation) of a human being to animal status, and focus on the altered mind-space created. The most common examples are probably canines (pup, dog, wolf), felines (cat, kitten, lion) or equines (pony, horse). Animal role play is also used in a BDSM context, where a person may be humiliated by being treated as an animal.

Not all Pet Play is animalistic behavior. Sometimes you just want to dress up as an animal and have some fun.

Why pet play?

One large reason many D/s couples go into pet play is for the humiliation and dependence aspect. Restricting a submissive’s movement and vocalizations forces them to be that much more dependent on their Dom. Also, not being allowed on furniture or having to use a litter box instead of a toilet can be very humiliating for some.

Another is because it is simply fun. It is a great psychological and emotional release to be able to come home and let loose the restrictions of humanity and what humans are “supposed to be like.” It is just plain fun to bat around a cat toy or play tricks and get treat rewards. It could also be described as a “de-stressing” process from the rigors of daily life, especially if the participants work outside the
home.

It can help with submission, as taking away some parts of the submissive’s humanity can help take away their sense of equality. It can help the submissive orient their mind to their Dom being their focus in life.

Pet play could also be used as punishment. If the submissive misbehaves badly it could be punishment to be put out in the pig stalls with the pigs for a period of time, or whatever animal is available, and made to act like that animal as the punishment.

Puppy training has become really popular with some dominants and masters to help their submissives know what it means to be completely dependent on another and also to teach them how to respond to non verbal and verbal clues quicker and more effectively. Some submissives have been taught their place again by just incorporating a few days of puppy play into the relationship every few months. Being a puppy gives one lots of time to think and this also helps when a submissive or slave has lost their way.

How does one engage in pet play?

• Restrict movement via bondage.
• Restrict verbal communication, perhaps to only certain words or animal sounds such as “woof!” or “mew!” or more child-like words such as “up!” or “potty!”.
• Training exercises such as tricks for puppies, walking on leads and leashes or for ponies pulling a cart/plow.
• Eating and drinking out of bowls without the use of hands and/or silverware.
• Learning to use a litter box instead of a toilet, or even going outside.
• Playing with toys, such as batting toys for kitties or tug-of-war toys for puppies.
• Begging in the manner of the animal you identify with, such as a puppy whining.
• Caging.
• Not being allowed on furniture without permission.

Pet play can get a lot more specific if one looks at each relationship and the animal(s) involved. A note though; pet play sometimes can be sexual, and sometimes can be completely non-sexual. It, as with everything else, simply depends on the couple involved. Please keep in mind that I am in no way speaking of bestiality. This is two or more human beings acting and role playing within the confines of their negotiated relationship.

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Michelle Fegatofi

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Michelle Fegatofi

I have been posting many different types of pictures lately on my FB page and some people do not think they are BDSM related.
My thoughts apparently are very different and have a much broader range on what the large umbrella of BDSM can encompass. Let me try to explain what I mean.

At the core of BDSM is Bondage, Discipline, Dominance/submission, and Sadomasochism. When I show pictures of kneeling submissives, women or men in bondage, or being disciplined, there are never any doubts that they are BDSM related.

Now, let's think outside that very narrow box to a broader range that BDSM can envelop. See, to me, it's not just about the core principles. I see BDSM encompassing how they thinks, how a person moves, what they wear, how they speak, how they might perceive the world, what they eat, how they act around people and so forth. My goal in showing different kinds of pictures is to hopefully broaden your knowledge, but also expand your mind to think of the endless possibilities.

Slave Clothing

Movement/Dance

Service/Eating

When you see curvy models in sexy poses or in lingerie, I am posting them for two reasons. The first being to help women with the same body types see they are beautiful and to hopefully boost their confidence. A more confident submissive is sexier than a little mouse of one. I also see the lingerie pics as doubling for possible sub/slave uniforms. Many submissives have rules or guidelines that they have to wear certain sexy clothing in certain situations.

 
When you go to play parties or to dungeons, no matter what part of the world they are in, they normally have strict dress codes for what both the Dominant and submissives have to wear. This can range from leather, lace, latex, or rubber. And in some cases, nothing but a collar and slave cuffs. It all depends on what the club allows.

I have heard arguments that fetishes are separate from the realm of BDSM. Well, in my mind they are not. They are a part of the huge, vast umbrella: a subsection if you will. Here are some examples. Female Dominants usually are pictured wearing some type of leather or latex outfits. It helps not only set the scene, but to also get them in the right frame of mind to perform that scene. If you saw them in sweats, you have to admit that you would totally not be interested or in the mind frame of BDSM play. Therefore, the choice of clothing in this case falls not only into fetish wear (because a lot of people have a fetish to see women dressed as such) but also in the category of BDSM wear because without that type of outfit, the Domme would not look the part of Domme.

Now you may be asking, what do the old pin-up drawings from the 50s & 60s that I post from time to time have to do with BDSM. The answer is mostly nothing. They are just sexy and I like them, along with a lot of other people.

Just because we are dedicated to BDSM education and knowledge does not mean I will not post things from time to time that are not exactly under that umbrella. It usually will be something that is sexy or fall under the fetish category.

So, now I have explained why I post what I post and see most of what I post as BDSM related, I hope I have opened your mind to thinking of BDSM in a broader sense versus just the core principles just as my mind was opened and my thinking is now outside the box.

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