Michelle Fegatofi

This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. - Shakespeare's Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82

This quote from Shakespeare's play means

To be true to yourself. Live your life for yourself and do not let others try to influence you to do things you don't want to do.

Most of us have two distinctly different sides to our personalities. One side is what we show the world, our outer authentic self. The second is our inner authentic self. The inner self is the one that only those closest to us get to see in depth. Our outer authenticity is how well what we say and do matches what is really going on inside us. Our inner authenticity is how well we actually know ourselves and are aware of our inner states.

No one is fully authentic all of the time in their outer presentation. Sometimes we need to put on an act to get by. Some people spend more time living unauthentically than others. It is unpleasant and can be damaging to you if you are trapped in jobs or relationships where you rarely get the chance to be yourselves. If you are in this type of situation, you need to start thinking of ways to change your life as soon as possible so that you can be free to express yourself authentically.

Surveys show that, on average, people who scored higher on tests for authenticity are more satisfied with life, have higher self-esteem and are generally happier. As Mohandas Gandhi put it so well, ‘happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony’.

Most people living any form of a BDSM lifestyle are usually not out in the open with their lifestyle choice. Many feel they need to hide this part of themselves from their family and friends due to the moralistic views of society. Some of us are fortunate enough to be able to maintain/practice/live, in part or whole, some form of a BDSM relationship out in the open.

In all of my posts, I try to educate and guide my readers in different aspects of BDSM, but do not push them to live or practice it exactly the same way as we do. Below are two lists of what Padrone Marco and I believe in.

Within a BDSM Relationship:

• Respect from both sides of a relationship at all times, during good times and disagreements are a must. 
• Educate yourself on as many different parts of the lifestyle as you can, so you can discover which ones you like. 
• Dominants should help their submissives to grow intellectually, not just in learning and performing their tasks and rules.
• Always be open and honest and never lie to your partner/s.
• Loyalty is a must for a true and lasting BDSM relationship.
• Understanding and flexibility from both sides are needed.
• There has to always be 2 way communication.
• Submissives will and do have the right to anger, sadness, or jealousy. But, do not act blindly on these and talk out any and all problems with your Dominant.
• Emotional support and growth should be nourished always and deeply from both the Dominant and submissive.
• Having and maintaining patience is a must! 
• Talking and discussing problems in a calm manner versus yelling and screaming at each other. 

Globally in the BDSM Community:

• Respect and honesty between others in the BDSM Lifestyle as a community.
• Never judge how others decide to live a BDSM lifestyle by your own standards, because there is no wrong way as long as it's consensual. Even if you don't agree or practice it their way.
• Respecting differing opinions and not causing conflict within our own community.
• Helping other people to grow and understand the BDSM Lifestyle from our own experiences and from the way we live it, but leaving the road open so that others can form their own journey. 
• Standing up for the BDSM community rights to be seen and heard, while fighting the moralistic movement that would put us back in the closet.

We take the above list very seriously and live by them every day. This post is a clarification for all of our readers in an effort to help you understand where our thinking comes from and why we choose to post the things we do. We use this blog to spread the beauty of the BDSM Lifestyle to those that do not know the real meaning of it, to help educate the curious and new people, as well as to promote a more open policy about living a BDSM Lifestyle in the open versus hiding in the closet.

We hope you continue to follow us and the education we hope to spread through our blogs and books by returning and reading us every day. Thank you for your continued support and we hope that our articles and peaks inside our own lives help you broaden your own knowledge of the Lifestyle.

Padrone Marco and Michelle Fegatofi

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Michelle Fegatofi

The following is a poem I wrote about Freedom of Choice.

We should be able to live and express our lifestyle on the internet and in the open if we so choose, just as any other group (religious, political, etc...) does.

Freedom to you is the ability to do anything you please.
Freedom to me is the ability to serve my Master on my knees.

Freedom to you takes you to any place you want to go.
Freedom to me keeps me bound, close to my Master,
with my head bent low.

Freedom to you gives you the right to make
all the decisions for your life.
Freedom to me means that all decisions are made for me
to keep me happy, safe and away from all strife.

Freedom to you gives you the right to dress any way you want.
Freedom to me is dressing in the clothes only Master has bought.

Freedom to you is expressing yourself in any way,
no matter how wrong or right.
Freedom to me is always expressing myself
in ways that always reflect on my Master in a positive light.

Freedom of expression, choices and life,
are vast and different from one person to another.
But that Freedom does not give us the right to judge each other.

My choice, my life, my service as a BDSM slave
I should not have to deal with the constant backlash
from the huge moralistic wave.

When that choice is constantly challenged,
trying to silence my right to be heard,
Then Freedom of choice is no freer than a beautifully caged bird.
My right to be heard, my right to be proud,
My right to live openly as the collared submissive slave that I am.

To me this is real Freedom and this is my right.
And until we as a community are either accepted or left alone,
I will not bow down or give up the fight.

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Michelle Fegatofi

A Loving Master

by Michelle Fegatofi

When I am serving Him, I am free,

When I am kneeling to Him, I am me.

When I feel His pride in my submission, I am elated,

When I know He is happy, the pride I feel inside can’t be stated.

When He looks at me with love and authority, my soul soars,

When He puts His hand on my head, he touches me to my core.

When I’m flying high, He tethers me to the ground,

When I am scared, He protects me all around.

When I am weak, He always gives me His strength,

When I need to talk, He always listens to me at length.

When I doubt myself, He always holds me high,

When I am in tears, He holds me tight and lets me cry. 

He is my Master, my one and true guide, 

He is the only one from whom I will never have a reason to hide. 

He is the center, the one that my world revolves around, 

He is the one to whom I will always and forever remain bound.

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Michelle Fegatofi

Many of you have heard me speak of how much better I have been with my epilepsy, mental and physical health, and overall well being since I have been with my Padrone.

Padrone Marco Fegatofi

Sunday we are celebrating our 2nd anniversary and thought it would be a great idea to look back. I don't even look like the same person I was over 2.5 years ago!

Love and complete submission can do wonders.

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Michelle Fegatofi

Do you believe in the concept of soulmates?
And if you do, how do you think this concept would differ in a true BDSM or D/s relationship? I have always pondered the concept of soulmates but never really believed it until I found my own in my Padrone Marco Fegatofi.

A soulmate is a person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet; a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them. When you are not around them, you are all that much more aware of the harshness of life, and how bonding with another person in this way is the most significant and satisfying thing you will experience in your lifetime. You are also that much more aware of the beauty in life, because you have been given a great gift and will always be thankful for.

In a normal relationship, we have all seen or known at least one couple that has this kind of connection, or something close. We look on in wonderment at how connected and truly in love that couple is.

In a normal BDSM love relationship, there is always a deeper connection than those in a normal vanilla relationship, simply because of the core principles of BDSM - complete honesty, open communication, and 100% trust. Yes, everyone in any type of relationship should adhere to these principals, but, judging from my own experiences, we in the BDSM community tend to stick to these a lot more than those in the vanilla world.

When you add in the concept of a Dominant or submissive soulmate, how does this deepen the bond of a normal BDSM relationship? I think it adds a much deeper understanding, love, and truer sense of safety and freedom for the submissive.

Now you are asking, how is this possible and what exactly do I mean? Speaking from my own experience, as a submissive slave, when I first met and started talking to Padrone, there was something that drew me to him. His words made me feel as though I were very special in some way. The longer we talked, the more we found out that we have almost the exact same thoughts on philosophy, community, world matters, relationships, and many other things.

Our personalities are the perfect opposite of the other. His strengths are my weaknesses and my strengths are his. His style of Dominance is exactly what I need. He gives me the freedom to be myself completely, without worries about being weak, sick, or weird. His protection, rules, and guidelines give me a sense of safety that I have never had, and in that, I have found a freedom that is almost indescribable.

Our style of M/s is more subtle, softer in many ways than what a lot of other people practice, but it is perfect for us. He allows me freedoms that he knows I need, while at the same time giving me guidelines to follow in every single facet of my life.

He is strong in mind and principals and protects me like I am the most precious jewel on this earth. He allows me to submit to him in every way possible, while also allowing me to voice my opinions on things when I want to.

How is this different from a normal deep M/s connection? We are so deeply connected, he can feel my epilepsy acting up most of the time before I tell him something is wrong. He feels when I need to eat something to level off my sugar levels. He knows when I need him to just hold me tight or when I need some space for whatever reason.

I can anticipate his needs and wants without asking in things like getting him a cigarette before he grabs them, massaging him before he asks me, making him something to eat, and many other things.

Often when he is at work, I will feel he needs to hear my voice if he has had a bad day or is missing me, or he will know right before I call that I am about to call. He knows when I need him to be stricter as a Dominant or softer as the love of my life. He feels when I need a spanking or need him to be a little rougher to satisfy some caveman feeling I am having.

Before Padrone, I believed in love, but always had a feeling that there should be something else or something more too it. I always felt like something was missing and that I was searching for that something extra. Since meeting and living with Padrone, I feel complete. I don't feel like there is some mysterious thing I am missing out on. I feel like I have found the best and most beautifully complete life that I can live.

So, did I change your mind about soulmates? Share your thoughts and your own stories with me!

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