I’m sitting here trying to think about how to word what’s on my mind. Sometimes it’s harder to write down what you’re thinking versus just outright saying it. Hopefully it won’t be a rambling mess.
I haven’t written many blog posts this year related to the BDSM Lifestyle because I’ve been so concentrated on other outside things. I decided in January to try to get my out of control health problems in hand, by making a radical diet change as well as adding daily exercise to my life. In the beginning, it took every part of my mind, body, and soul to stay with the new course I set for myself. I was very lucky that Padrone was very supportive of my decisions, even though he didn’t join me at that time.
As the weeks went on, I was losing weight but also feeling much stronger, more energetic, and overall better. At the beginning of March, Padrone was rushed to the Emergency Room with multiple health issues. He ended up staying there for 8 days and was off work for another 2 weeks for recovery. He was forced to stop smoking cold turkey after 45 or more years of constantly lighting up. He had to start adding in exercise as well as change his own diet. Luckily for me, I had been doing this already for several weeks prior, so I was able to help him in making the right food choices and encouraging him to exercise.
Now, here we are 2 months later and both of us have been focused on improving our health and getting stronger. We are in a very unique but also extremely supportive situation, since we both had to change our lifestyle to being more active and choosing better food. We are able to sympathize with the other when one of us is craving something we can’t have now.
This leads me to our BDSM dynamic. I’ve received many messages over the years asking for advice because it seems like their dynamic fizzled out or went quasi-vanilla. What people don’t understand is that just like a normal vanilla relationship, BDSM relationships evolve and change along the way also, because people are always changing.
In our case, while we’ve always maintained our dynamic to a certain degree, in the past year, it had not been as intense as it had been in years past. Outside influences, such as work, mental and physical health, and basic everyday obligations, contributed to that. We actually didn’t even really notice the changes, because we were both not feeling as well as we should have been because of health issues.
Now that we’ve both lost weight, changed our eating habits, and become more active, I’ve noticed a change back to a more intense M/s dynamic, similar to what it was in the beginning of our relationship. Obviously, after 7 years together, we know almost everything about the other one. I don’t think either of us has anything new left to discover. So, even though the shiny new feeling has worn to a comfortable place now, that intense attraction to the other, mentally/physically/emotionally, has never gone away.
As we age, our bodies and minds prioritize things differently. We crave touch still, but it doesn’t consume our every waking thought like it may have 20 years ago. We focus more on the mental and emotional well being as well as the health of our partner. With time, we have been blessed with the fact that we’ve grown even closer together instead of more apart, like you see happen with many couples these days.
Now you see why I haven’t written a BDSM related blog post in a while. We’ve just had our concentration turned inwards towards improving ourselves. Now, that we are both on the right track, I am hoping to be more active in the online communities as well as blogging more.
So, if there are any topics that you can’t find in my blog history and want me to write about, please send me your suggestions!
I haven’t written many blog posts this year related to the BDSM Lifestyle because I’ve been so concentrated on other outside things. I decided in January to try to get my out of control health problems in hand, by making a radical diet change as well as adding daily exercise to my life. In the beginning, it took every part of my mind, body, and soul to stay with the new course I set for myself. I was very lucky that Padrone was very supportive of my decisions, even though he didn’t join me at that time.
As the weeks went on, I was losing weight but also feeling much stronger, more energetic, and overall better. At the beginning of March, Padrone was rushed to the Emergency Room with multiple health issues. He ended up staying there for 8 days and was off work for another 2 weeks for recovery. He was forced to stop smoking cold turkey after 45 or more years of constantly lighting up. He had to start adding in exercise as well as change his own diet. Luckily for me, I had been doing this already for several weeks prior, so I was able to help him in making the right food choices and encouraging him to exercise.
Now, here we are 2 months later and both of us have been focused on improving our health and getting stronger. We are in a very unique but also extremely supportive situation, since we both had to change our lifestyle to being more active and choosing better food. We are able to sympathize with the other when one of us is craving something we can’t have now.
This leads me to our BDSM dynamic. I’ve received many messages over the years asking for advice because it seems like their dynamic fizzled out or went quasi-vanilla. What people don’t understand is that just like a normal vanilla relationship, BDSM relationships evolve and change along the way also, because people are always changing.
In our case, while we’ve always maintained our dynamic to a certain degree, in the past year, it had not been as intense as it had been in years past. Outside influences, such as work, mental and physical health, and basic everyday obligations, contributed to that. We actually didn’t even really notice the changes, because we were both not feeling as well as we should have been because of health issues.
Now that we’ve both lost weight, changed our eating habits, and become more active, I’ve noticed a change back to a more intense M/s dynamic, similar to what it was in the beginning of our relationship. Obviously, after 7 years together, we know almost everything about the other one. I don’t think either of us has anything new left to discover. So, even though the shiny new feeling has worn to a comfortable place now, that intense attraction to the other, mentally/physically/emotionally, has never gone away.
As we age, our bodies and minds prioritize things differently. We crave touch still, but it doesn’t consume our every waking thought like it may have 20 years ago. We focus more on the mental and emotional well being as well as the health of our partner. With time, we have been blessed with the fact that we’ve grown even closer together instead of more apart, like you see happen with many couples these days.
Now you see why I haven’t written a BDSM related blog post in a while. We’ve just had our concentration turned inwards towards improving ourselves. Now, that we are both on the right track, I am hoping to be more active in the online communities as well as blogging more.
So, if there are any topics that you can’t find in my blog history and want me to write about, please send me your suggestions!
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Envy is defined as a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or life. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone). Let's face it, most of us get envious when we see how other people portray their lives online. They talk about how perfect their relationships are, how much money their partner spends on them and generally how the grass is always greener on their side of life. Many people do this to gain attention while others try to make up a fantasy world that is not a real representation of their actual daily lives.
This is no different when it comes to the world of BDSM. You can go into pretty much any Lifestyle related group and find any number of posts bragging about how 'submissive A' has the best Dominant because of blank blank reason. In my experience, I have realized that it is mainly submissive females that are always trying to 'Out Submissive' all the other subs in their environment.
There are Dominants out there that do brag about things, but if you really pay attention, it is normally subs that are the ones who try to make others jealous and envious of their relationships. Don't be like them and don't fall into that trap!
What is a 'look at me' type of relationship? I define it as those relationships or online dynamics where one or both partners are constantly talking about how much they love the other one; how they can't live without each other; and how neither of them ever have any problems with the other. These are couples that have the continuous need to express really private feelings and information online for the entire world to see. They are usually overly zealous in telling each other how wonderful they are together and how there is no one else that could ever take their place. These are also the same couples that usually end up trading in their partner for another one and start showing the world those exact same tendencies with the new person.
Right now, you may not be in the type of relationship you want or living the life you dreamed of having. You may covet the dynamic or life you see others depict online, but you have to be thankful first for your life, including everything and everyone in it.
This is no different when it comes to the world of BDSM. You can go into pretty much any Lifestyle related group and find any number of posts bragging about how 'submissive A' has the best Dominant because of blank blank reason. In my experience, I have realized that it is mainly submissive females that are always trying to 'Out Submissive' all the other subs in their environment.
There are Dominants out there that do brag about things, but if you really pay attention, it is normally subs that are the ones who try to make others jealous and envious of their relationships. Don't be like them and don't fall into that trap!
I know, as a dedicated submissive, most of you are very happy and proud of your BDSM dynamic and want to share it with the world. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. It's not. However, there is a huge difference in bragging and trying to show off to your friends online versus simply stating how much you love and are devoted to your dominant partner.
I admit I have had envious thoughts throughout my life and a longing for the dynamic that I have now. Before meeting Padrone, I had been in different D/s dynamics, but never any deeply serious ones as compared to the one I am in now. I always wanted a Dominant that would take care of me, guide me, love me, and allow me to be myself in all ways. I read about so many relationships that were like that and I wondered why I couldn't find it. Why could I not have that?
Well, after I started paying more attention to these 'perfect' online relationships, I realized that they never seemed to last over a few months. If they were so perfect, why were they not in it for the long haul? The answer is simple. They weren't perfect. They were far from it. The people involved mainly had what I call a 'look at me' type of relationship.
What is a 'look at me' type of relationship? I define it as those relationships or online dynamics where one or both partners are constantly talking about how much they love the other one; how they can't live without each other; and how neither of them ever have any problems with the other. These are couples that have the continuous need to express really private feelings and information online for the entire world to see. They are usually overly zealous in telling each other how wonderful they are together and how there is no one else that could ever take their place. These are also the same couples that usually end up trading in their partner for another one and start showing the world those exact same tendencies with the new person.
Feeling envy is a natural human emotion. If left unchecked though, it can get out of hand and have a negative impact on your life and your emotions. If you feel envious of other people's lives, sit back and look at your own life.
Envious thoughts in a submissive only lead to bad things. The submissive journey should be one filled with as much happiness as possible. Being envious can and will affect your daily life, your ability to submit fully to your Dominant partner, as well as have a huge negative impact on your emotions and thoughts.
How can you overcome the negativity of envious thoughts?
- Shift your focus to the goodness in your life.
- Remind yourself that nobody has it all.
- Avoid people who habitually value the wrong things. (Especially monetary and materialistic things)
- Spend time with grateful people.
- Understand that marketers routinely fan the flame.
- Celebrate the success of others.
Right now, you may not be in the type of relationship you want or living the life you dreamed of having. You may covet the dynamic or life you see others depict online, but you have to be thankful first for your life, including everything and everyone in it.
Start to turn your own life around and the happiness you want will follow.
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