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Michelle Fegatofi

We have all been there. Sitting on your computer, browsing the latest posts and comments in one or more of your favorite BDSM related groups. You see some good questions. You read some great replies. Then you stumble to a halt in your scrolling and have to reread a post or comment again just to make sure you read it right the first time. When you are sure you did read it correctly, you start thinking, "What the heck?" and "Did somebody really just write that?" This is when you really start to wonder if the people in that group are actually there for the right reasons.

I have actually left many groups over the past year or more because the groups became stagnant, cliquish, filled with people only wanting to hook up, or people mostly bragging and complaining about any and everything having to do with their life. Now, I'm not saying that every group has to be the same or that there can't be fun to be had. I am saying that groups should have a set of rules and people should follow a certain etiquette to ensure the ongoing debates and inclusive feeling of the group instead of making people feel excluded.

Here is a list I consider to be essential when partaking in online group activities:

Posting in a Group

• When you write a post, do not complain about your partner or make your partner look bad, especially when that partner is not in the same group. If you are asking for advice about a situation concerning that partner, do it in the most possible respectful way because you would not want that same partner to talk about you in a disrespectful manner behind your back. 
• Do not write a post that is all whiney or desperate and then don't state what the matter is. If you are sad, mad or feeling some other emotion and feel the need to share it in a post, don't leave people in the group hanging. State your entire problem/emotion/feelings in the initial post instead of fishing for comments. It just makes you look like an Attention Seeker (would use a different name but I'm trying to keep it civil).
• Unless it is specifically written that it is OK to do so, Do Not post pictures of yourself half naked or in some kind of 'sexy' pose. You look desperate to most people in the group and you are demeaning yourself. If you want people to look at you, post all the pictures you want on your own home page, but groups are not the place to do it. 
• Don't share every detail of your sex life. People do not want to constantly hear about your many sexual adventures or how many orgasms you had. 
• Don't be overly affectionate about your partner. For the ones that have a partner (Dom or sub), it's totally fine to sing their praises every once in a while. But to post how much you love your partner, how perfect they are, how proud of them you are, etc etc..... 500 times a day in the same group, that is just too much! 
• Don't post pictures of your partner that make them look bad, ugly, silly, or anything but good, especially when that partner doesn't know you posted the picture. 

Commenting on Another Person's Post

• If you have a different opinion than what someone wrote, present your opinion in a concise respectful manner and not in a childish bullying way. Make sure your comment sounds more like a debate versus an argument. Groups are not a place to argue like 5 year olds on a school play ground. It is a place where different people should be able to state their own opinions on different subjects without the fear of reprisal. 
• Don't intentionally bait people. Don't write reply or write something that you know will intentionally piss someone off. That starts arguments and makes it very uncomfortable for others in the group. 
• Read the original post more than once to ensure you are commenting in a knowledgeable way and not commenting about something that is totally unrelated. This can lead to many arguments and misunderstandings.

In general, be very careful about what you post because it can always come back to haunt you. Be respectful and don't get mad every time someone has a different opinion from your own. If you have nothing constructive or nice to say about a post, just keep scrolling on by. 

Though the above list are the things that come to my own mind and are of my own opinion when I have read/commented/posted in groups, they do not cover every facet or instance that could happen. Please leave your own additions and comments below! 

Post title: " BDSM Group Etiquette on Social Media - Do's and Don'ts "

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