The following is an excerpt from my new book coming out soon called Unveiled: The Secret Submissive Within. I hope you enjoy.
In BDSM, a contract is an agreement, usually written, between the Dominant and submissive in a 24/7 relationship, but also in between those that are in training only or have regular play dates. It is the formal act of consent to the power exchange. Some are very formal and will detail exactly what is expected and can run for multiple pages. Others are as brief as a single paragraph. Either way, one is derived by negotiation on the part of both parties. BDSM couples consider the contract to hold equal moral authority to a marriage commitment. As such, constructing a proper contract is very much like writing a pre-nuptial agreement.
Here are some things you need to know before signing such a contract:
A slave contract is a non-legal document.
Although the contract is meaningful to the Dominant and his submissive, such a contract is not legally binding due to the fact that it is actually illegal to own another person and most slave contracts mention the word ownership in describing the relationship.
A slave contract is drawn up by the Dominant and presented to his submissive to sign.
Length of commitment varies.
Slave contracts vary in regard to the length of commitment pledged. Whereas some Dominants may require a submissive to sign a lifetime agreement, other Dominants may ask for a 6 month or a year- long commitment. At the end of that time period, the submissive will have the choice to sign a renewal contract or to opt out of the relationship.
A slave contract signifies ownership.
Although the contract is not legally binding, it signifies a degree of ownership. Sometimes the ownership may be limited to sexual ownership. Sometimes it may mean complete ownership. This will depend on the couple and their preferences. It is very binding within the confines of the relationship and should not be entered into lightly.
Things to include in a slave contract.
A slave contract will include things such as expectations, goals, rewards, punishments, protocols, rituals, and grounds for termination of the contract. Be sure and review the contract carefully, for what is in it will indicate the course of your relationship. Just as a couple who enters into marriage, you must have similar goals and expectations in regard to the relationship. Signing the contract means that you are agreeing to everything in it.
Don't be afraid to ask questions.
It is important to feel free to ask questions of one another before signing the contract. Submissives need to voice any fears or hesitations to the Dominant, and he needs to be open enough to listen to those fears and hesitations. If he is not open to hearing them, this should be the submissive's first clue to run in the opposite direction. It is also important for a Dominant to voice any concerns he may have to his submissive. If he senses any doubt or hesitation, it is important for him to ask her about it, encouraging her to be open and honest with him.
Do not rush into signing a contract.
Here are some things you need to know before signing such a contract:
A slave contract is a non-legal document.
Although the contract is meaningful to the Dominant and his submissive, such a contract is not legally binding due to the fact that it is actually illegal to own another person and most slave contracts mention the word ownership in describing the relationship.
A slave contract is drawn up by the Dominant and presented to his submissive to sign.
Sometimes a Dominant will allow his submissive to read the contract ahead of time and ask if she has any input or something she would like to include in the contract. If she does and the Dominant agrees, he will likely add it into the contract.
Length of commitment varies.
Slave contracts vary in regard to the length of commitment pledged. Whereas some Dominants may require a submissive to sign a lifetime agreement, other Dominants may ask for a 6 month or a year- long commitment. At the end of that time period, the submissive will have the choice to sign a renewal contract or to opt out of the relationship.
A slave contract signifies ownership.
Although the contract is not legally binding, it signifies a degree of ownership. Sometimes the ownership may be limited to sexual ownership. Sometimes it may mean complete ownership. This will depend on the couple and their preferences. It is very binding within the confines of the relationship and should not be entered into lightly.
Things to include in a slave contract.
A slave contract will include things such as expectations, goals, rewards, punishments, protocols, rituals, and grounds for termination of the contract. Be sure and review the contract carefully, for what is in it will indicate the course of your relationship. Just as a couple who enters into marriage, you must have similar goals and expectations in regard to the relationship. Signing the contract means that you are agreeing to everything in it.
Don't be afraid to ask questions.
It is important to feel free to ask questions of one another before signing the contract. Submissives need to voice any fears or hesitations to the Dominant, and he needs to be open enough to listen to those fears and hesitations. If he is not open to hearing them, this should be the submissive's first clue to run in the opposite direction. It is also important for a Dominant to voice any concerns he may have to his submissive. If he senses any doubt or hesitation, it is important for him to ask her about it, encouraging her to be open and honest with him.
Do not rush into signing a contract.
A contract is not meant to be an agreement between casual play partners. It is meant to signify a willingness to commit to the relationship for a certain amount of time. Take your time in getting to know one another before making the decision to make such a commitment.
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Becoming a true submissive is a process.
Even if you feel you were born to serve a Dominant, there are going to be areas that are going to be very difficult at times. One of these areas is in regard to jealousy. When you give yourself to a Dominant, you are telling him that you belong to him and that you are entrusting him with your well-being... physically, mentally, and emotionally. Although this sounds incredibly romantic, it can also be very difficult. It means you must, at times, sacrifice your wants and needs for the wants and needs of your Dominant.
Jealousy is a negative emotion and can cause a great deal of trouble in a relationship. Jealousy can rip a relationship apart if it gets out of control and may cause you to lose your partner. Losing them is the very thing we are most afraid of when we are jealous, is it not?
You have the right to feel jealous. How you express that emotion is another matter. You don't have the right to control another's actions with jealousy. Do not attack your partner out of jealousy. Express your feelings in a positive manner.
A good Dominant/submissive relationship is one in which there is a lot of communication. Much of this communication should take place before you actually make any kind of commitment to the relationship. There are certain rules that should be established ahead of time. Whereas some Dominants are happy with one submissive, there are others who desire more than one submissive. This is something you should discuss with your Dominant ahead of time, especially if you are prone to jealousy.
Jealousy might seem like a sign of love. But when someone uses it to try to control what you do, this isn't love or submission - it's control. Everyone has the right to talk to anyone they want to. It also isn't in keeping with the tradition of being a submissive to use jealousy to control another's actions.
Jealousy, in and of itself, is not wrong. Jealousy is a natural emotion. What causes the problem is how we act upon the jealousy that we are feeling. Jealousy can cause people to act out in very unbecoming ways. For a submissive, such acting out can mean the end of the relationship with her Dominant.
No one should purposely provoke jealousy in a partner. That is a dangerous game to play. It is the Doms job to create an atmosphere of safety for his submissive and a submissive should never provoke jealousy in her Dom as it is her job to demonstrate that she is loyal and cannot be had by another who happens along.
Giving yourself to a Dominant means trusting him to always keep you safe and to keep your well-being in mind. This doesn't mean you will always agree with him. This doesn't mean you will always enjoy certain things. What it does mean is that as long as you are committed to the relationship, you will trust him and the decisions that he makes.
As long as you are consumed by the negative energy of jealousy, it is unlikely that any positive resolution will be possible. You must let go of your own suffering, step back and examine the relationship in depth, and then make a reasoned response. Only once the emotion has been defused, can clear thinking become possible.
Never be afraid to ask your Dominant questions... especially in the beginning. It can be very easy to overlook certain warning signs if you are very taken in by a Dominant's many attributes. If you do care for your relationship and want to keep the relationship on track and moving in a positive direction, then use a NAME statement to address the behavior.
N - name the specific behavior that you find causes you to feel jealous
A - announce the specific setting … time & place the behavior occurred
M - mention your reaction & the feeling it arouses in you
E - explain and own your feelings
Even if you feel you were born to serve a Dominant, there are going to be areas that are going to be very difficult at times. One of these areas is in regard to jealousy. When you give yourself to a Dominant, you are telling him that you belong to him and that you are entrusting him with your well-being... physically, mentally, and emotionally. Although this sounds incredibly romantic, it can also be very difficult. It means you must, at times, sacrifice your wants and needs for the wants and needs of your Dominant.
Jealousy is a negative emotion and can cause a great deal of trouble in a relationship. Jealousy can rip a relationship apart if it gets out of control and may cause you to lose your partner. Losing them is the very thing we are most afraid of when we are jealous, is it not?
You have the right to feel jealous. How you express that emotion is another matter. You don't have the right to control another's actions with jealousy. Do not attack your partner out of jealousy. Express your feelings in a positive manner.
A good Dominant/submissive relationship is one in which there is a lot of communication. Much of this communication should take place before you actually make any kind of commitment to the relationship. There are certain rules that should be established ahead of time. Whereas some Dominants are happy with one submissive, there are others who desire more than one submissive. This is something you should discuss with your Dominant ahead of time, especially if you are prone to jealousy.
Jealousy might seem like a sign of love. But when someone uses it to try to control what you do, this isn't love or submission - it's control. Everyone has the right to talk to anyone they want to. It also isn't in keeping with the tradition of being a submissive to use jealousy to control another's actions.
No one should purposely provoke jealousy in a partner. That is a dangerous game to play. It is the Doms job to create an atmosphere of safety for his submissive and a submissive should never provoke jealousy in her Dom as it is her job to demonstrate that she is loyal and cannot be had by another who happens along.
As long as you are consumed by the negative energy of jealousy, it is unlikely that any positive resolution will be possible. You must let go of your own suffering, step back and examine the relationship in depth, and then make a reasoned response. Only once the emotion has been defused, can clear thinking become possible.
Never be afraid to ask your Dominant questions... especially in the beginning. It can be very easy to overlook certain warning signs if you are very taken in by a Dominant's many attributes. If you do care for your relationship and want to keep the relationship on track and moving in a positive direction, then use a NAME statement to address the behavior.
The NAME statement shows respect for your partner and is very specific. This kind of communication puts the emphasis on what you see and what you feel, not on blame toward your partner.
N - name the specific behavior that you find causes you to feel jealous
A - announce the specific setting … time & place the behavior occurred
M - mention your reaction & the feeling it arouses in you
E - explain and own your feelings
Most of all, always be open and honest with your partner and keep the lines of communication open.
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With the New Year now come and gone, many of you will be asking "What now?" I imagine that you have made New Year's resolutions about time, family and losing weight.
But, what about your BDSM life? Are you where you want to be? Do you want to grow more? Do you have a partner already or are you looking for one? Here is a list of things I think should be looked at and worked on continuously, throughout the year. I see no better time than to review them with yourself or with your partner so you can both take away something from them or add your own additional things. Please feel free to share or comment at the end if you like.
Dominants
- Renew your commitment to keeping up your knowledge and skills in your chosen practice of BDSM. Never get complacent, for you may start to take your sub for granted and that is not good.
- Review the rules you have in place already and see if any need adjusting or if new ones need to be added. Situations and relationships evolve over time and so should your rules/guidelines/protocols.
- If you do not do this already, set aside 1 hour per week so that your slave/sub can have a free speech with no penalties session with you. Let this be a time where she/he talks about all of frustrations of the week to you and you listen as a friend or lover, not as her Dominant. You can also use this time to discuss things that you may not like or want to change with them also.
- Research a new skill (flogging, spanking techniques, toys) that you have really wanted to learn and learn it. Implement and practice on your sub and enjoy. This always keeps the relationship fresh.
- Renew your vow to your sub by telling them how much you love, appreciate and are honored by their submission to you. Make sure they know you will continue to protect and care for them. It doesn't have to be in an elaborate setting, just whispered, heartfelt words while in bed or a more formal position, whatever you prefer.
- Renew your vow to serve, honor, and obey your Dominant. This is a sacred vow, not only to your Dominant, but to yourself.
- Memorize and practice new protocols/guidelines/rules and review and practice old ones. Be as graceful a submissive as you can.
- Review your service to your Dominant and see where improvements can be made. Make sure you anticipate every need your Dominant has if you are a live in sub/slave and try to serve Him/Her in whatever need before, they have to ask.
- Don't be so hard on yourself if you fail to be the 'perfect' sub or slave. There is no such thing. Do your best, serve the best you can, and as long as it is your passion to do so, you will fail.
- Remember to be proud of yourself for who you are. Never be ashamed to be a sub/slave. When you submit, do it with pleasure, happiness and fro the all consuming need from within.
My Padrone and I both wish all of you health, peace, happiness and love for this year and remember my email is always open if you ever have a question or comment.
Best Wishes and Happy New Year!
Marco and Michelle Fegatofi
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Does wearing the color red give you a sexual edge? Maybe, according to a new study, which found that men find women sexier if they’re sporting a crimson hue rather than, say, blue or green.
Red is the color of fire and blood, so it is associated with energy, war, danger, strength, power, determination as well as passion, desire, and love.
Being the color of physical movement, the color red awakens our physical life force. It is the color of sexuality and can stimulate deeper and more intimate passions in us, such as love and sex on the positive side or revenge and anger on the negative. It is often used to express love, as in Valentine's Day, however it relates more to the passions of sexuality and lust, rather than love - love is expressed more fully with pink.
At its most positive red can create life with its sexual energy, or use its negative expression of anger and aggression to fuel war and destruction.
Women have donned pinkish blush and bright lipstick for nearly 12,000 years. Men tend to interpret the wearing of red outfits as an open signal that a woman wants sexual advances. In fact, the guys tended to grade the woman’s disposition to sex about 1 to 1.5 points higher when she was wearing a red rather than a white tee. That perception, in turn, explains why men’s lust perks up for women in red. It’s well known that males tend to inflate a woman’s sexual appeal if they believe she’ll be more open to a pickup line.
Even seemingly insignificant wardrobe choices can send out a lot of unintended signals. Wearing red may be a double-edged sword. Women may be getting sexual attention they don’t want. But, there’s a lesson for men, too. It’s important for gents to be aware of how their attitudes toward women can be twisted by often misleading cues.
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Hello all my freaky deaks!
I wont be posting that much over the next couple of days, so wanted to make sure I wish all of you an awesome, kinky, fun filled, warm Christmas! For those that are alone, remember that someone somewhere is thinking about you.
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Can love exist in a BDSM relationship, or is it just two people satisfying mutual needs and gaining gratification?
Is it Love a sub feels for her Dom or is it 'Dom worship'? Does the Dom really care for His sub or does He just have a more fond feeling and a sense of responsibility for her?
Whether or not love should enter into a dominant / submissive relationship is something that is debated within the BDSM community. Whereas most will agree that there should be some form of caring involved, actually falling in love is often frowned upon. In the kinky world, things are a bit more complicated when it comes to relationship dynamics. There are fewer expectations, I think, of well-defined romantic relationships, than in the non-kinky world. With all the different personal preferences, there are more options than ever.
Those who frown on falling in love would argue that when such intense emotions enter into a BDSM relationship, they can interfere with the Dominant / submissive aspect of the relationship. When a submissive is in love with her Master, she is more prone to feelings of jealousy. She is also more prone to desire all of the things that one associates with falling in love, such as romance, marriage and family. When a Dominant falls in love with his submissive, he may be less likely to subject her to the humiliation, pain and control that he would normally offer to a submissive.
Those who say that falling in love is good in a Dominant / submissive relationship believe that such strong emotions serve to enhance the relationship. They believe that a Dominant who is in love with his submissive will be mindful of his submissive's safety in a way he might not be otherwise. It is also believed that a submissive who is in love with her Dominant will be more serious about the relationship and less prone to play games. She will be more obedient and will put the needs of her dominant first in a way she might not do otherwise.
There are many people I know who are part of different BDSM dynamics, and don’t have romantic relationships with their partners. In my view, love is very important as part of a long-term relationship such vulnerability on a deep level. For me, being with someone as a slave has to include love. However, that’s not always the case. There are several instances where love has nothing to do with it. There are connections such as friendship, service and desire.
Some relationships are sexual, without being more connected than just washing the back of someone who washed yours. Many choose this option when their primary partner (often a marriage partner) is unaware of or unwilling to participate in their kinky desires. This can often lead to cheating, and though non-monogamy is actually approved of in the kink world, dishonesty tends to be frowned upon.
Friendship can also be the basis for a BDSM based relationship. Those who might not want to be sexually involved, or who might want sex and kink but already have a romantic partner with no desire for another, can choose to not get romantically involved with someone. There are people who are married to vanilla partners and are deeply in love with them, but fulfill their kinky needs with others. Though they do that, some have no room, romantically, to love another in that romantic way. Still others cannot see being in love with someone who they might cause pain for, or dominate, or submit to (on the other end of that stick). It’s a choice to separate the two kinds of relationships, and for some it works well.
When embarking on a Dominant / submissive relationship, it is important to decide ahead of time what your boundaries are and communicate them to your partner. Nobody knows ahead of time if they will end up falling in love, but it is important to talk about how you will deal with it if it happens. What if one of you falls in love and the other one doesn't? This seems to be where the biggest problem can be, because the desires of one change whereas the desires of the other remains the same.
Open communication is the key to having a good relationship with your partner. Whether you believe it is a good idea or not to fall in love with your dominant or submissive...communication with one another will help you deal with the issue.
Is it Love a sub feels for her Dom or is it 'Dom worship'? Does the Dom really care for His sub or does He just have a more fond feeling and a sense of responsibility for her?
Whether or not love should enter into a dominant / submissive relationship is something that is debated within the BDSM community. Whereas most will agree that there should be some form of caring involved, actually falling in love is often frowned upon. In the kinky world, things are a bit more complicated when it comes to relationship dynamics. There are fewer expectations, I think, of well-defined romantic relationships, than in the non-kinky world. With all the different personal preferences, there are more options than ever.
Those who frown on falling in love would argue that when such intense emotions enter into a BDSM relationship, they can interfere with the Dominant / submissive aspect of the relationship. When a submissive is in love with her Master, she is more prone to feelings of jealousy. She is also more prone to desire all of the things that one associates with falling in love, such as romance, marriage and family. When a Dominant falls in love with his submissive, he may be less likely to subject her to the humiliation, pain and control that he would normally offer to a submissive.
There are many people I know who are part of different BDSM dynamics, and don’t have romantic relationships with their partners. In my view, love is very important as part of a long-term relationship such vulnerability on a deep level. For me, being with someone as a slave has to include love. However, that’s not always the case. There are several instances where love has nothing to do with it. There are connections such as friendship, service and desire.
Some relationships are sexual, without being more connected than just washing the back of someone who washed yours. Many choose this option when their primary partner (often a marriage partner) is unaware of or unwilling to participate in their kinky desires. This can often lead to cheating, and though non-monogamy is actually approved of in the kink world, dishonesty tends to be frowned upon.
Friendship can also be the basis for a BDSM based relationship. Those who might not want to be sexually involved, or who might want sex and kink but already have a romantic partner with no desire for another, can choose to not get romantically involved with someone. There are people who are married to vanilla partners and are deeply in love with them, but fulfill their kinky needs with others. Though they do that, some have no room, romantically, to love another in that romantic way. Still others cannot see being in love with someone who they might cause pain for, or dominate, or submit to (on the other end of that stick). It’s a choice to separate the two kinds of relationships, and for some it works well.
When embarking on a Dominant / submissive relationship, it is important to decide ahead of time what your boundaries are and communicate them to your partner. Nobody knows ahead of time if they will end up falling in love, but it is important to talk about how you will deal with it if it happens. What if one of you falls in love and the other one doesn't? This seems to be where the biggest problem can be, because the desires of one change whereas the desires of the other remains the same.
Open communication is the key to having a good relationship with your partner. Whether you believe it is a good idea or not to fall in love with your dominant or submissive...communication with one another will help you deal with the issue.
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Throughout the BDSM community, we see pictures of collared and leashed subs/slaves all over.
I find them very enticing myself and love seeing new pics of devoted slaves kneeling at the feet of their Master/Mistress with their leash being held. Most subs/slaves feel best and most secure when they are in close proximity of Master/Mistress. But, practicality, physical limits, family, etc., prohibits most of the leashed positions that are pictured in the images we see splashed all over the internet. How can we achieve that mental feeling of security and love when we are out in the world, or our Dominants are out, without actually, physically, being leashed?
This is where we can use technology to our advantage. If you are a Dominant and want to keep a tight leash on your sub/slave all hours of the day, make sure they have a cell phone with WiFi or Internet access. Through this, you can use many free apps to check on their whereabouts at anytime you choose. Google Maps and Facebook are two of the most popular and free software you can use. Make specific rules for your sub/slave, when to check in, where and how to check in, as well as what info you want them to send when they do their check in, such as location, time estimated to be at the place, how they feel, etc. Granted, this could make some subs feel like they are being to controlled, but there are many others that would love this type of rule or control.
If you are a sub/slave and you love the feelings you get when you are on a leash connected physically to your Dominant, this is a very good alternative. If you do not wear a collar at all times, outside the house especially, ask your Dominant to pick one for you that is acceptable to be seen in public places and could be mistaken as a piece of jewelery. The weight on your neck will make you feel connected and remind you of who owns you always, no matter where you may be. If your Dominant is not with you, perform 'Check-ins' via the Facebook or Google apps mentioned above; or simply send a text message to the Dom, following the rules H/She outlined for you.
I actually call my Padrone (Master) whenever I go anywhere. If he is not at home and I need to go out, I call him before I leave, and when I reach wherever I am going. I tell him how long I think I might be there, then call him again when I am leaving. If he is at home, I call when I reach my destination, and call again to let Him know I am leaving and where else I may be going if not going directly home. I have found this gives me a sense of peace, security, and love deep inside myself, as well as giving my Padrone an added sense of security and peace of mind in knowing his slave is well. He implemented these measures because of my epilepsy, but also because He knows me so well, that he understands that any type of rule like this, that he puts in place, makes me feel that much more safe, secure, loved, and protected, especially if he is not with me.
So, the next time you as a Dominant wonder where your slave is or you as a sub/slave, wish you had that feeling of security and love that a leash gives you, try utilizing the methods I mentioned above. You will be surprised at the peace of mind and feeling of security it will bring to both the Dominant and the sub/slave.
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Like the Seasons change, Spring into Summer, Summer into Fall, Fall into Winter, so can an online BDSM relationship.
Many online relationships mimic the seasons, if you think about it, and in a relatively short time. You get all nice and warm when you first meet and get to talking to a Dom/sub (spring into summer). Things heat up very fast and you start to sizzle, get all tingly and hot when you talk, play, cyber, whatever (Summer).
But then after a while, one of you changes. Real Life commitments creep in to take more time away from your already limited time. One of you gets distracted by other people online or you simply don't feel that spark, that heat, as you once did (Summer into Fall). Doubts, frustrations, anger creep in. Mistrust and lies start coming into the relationship.
Avoidance of one to the other often ensues soon after. During this period (Fall to winter), before a couple has a complete breakdown and separation, both tend to get bombarded by loads of negative feelings.
After separation (Winter), you tend to feel alone, mad at all the world, hurt, disappointed, angry, and really thinking to yourself if the BDSM lifestyle is really
something you want to pursue.
You see, to many, Cyber BDSM is not just an online fantasy world. These people put their hearts into it. They connect on a deep level with their minds and at a very fast rate with their other half (Dom or sub). They don't take the time to talk about anything else usually but gossip around the web or sexual experiences. But, when one starts wanting to expand the relationship and the other is not on the same wave length, chaos and hurt will always follow.
I say don't give up on the BDSM Lifestyle just because you might have gone through many different Doms/subs or potential Doms/subs. Re-evaluate your stance, approach and position to the entire Cyber BDSM community. If you honestly want and are looking for something more, something more meaningful than just a fantasy, make sure you are very clear in your intentions when you engage, talk and start getting deeper into a friendship, possible relationship with the other person.
We are not psychic. None of us ever truly knows what the other is thinking, especially when it comes to online persona's. Trust your instincts about that person and be open and honest about your expectations. Tell the other one if you want only just online fantasy play or something a little more real, but online based.
Who knows? If the connection becomes strong enough, you might both decide that you want to be together in real life and then move in together. You never know. But the number one rule, is to be open and honest about your wants, needs and expectations, not only through out the relationship, but from the very beginning.
Because once trust is broken or someone is caught lying, who knows if the relationship can survive that, especially a BDSM one.
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A master's love is like a ring
Endless love that makes a girl sing.
It comes from the heart,
And with it one is never apart.
A master's love is like a collar,
An endless circle of love making one holler.
A master's love is like a river,
More precious than silver.
A master's love is like a slave bracelet,
An endless love, we will never let it.
A master's love is like the ankle bracelet,
never-ending, endless joy never letting.
A master's love is like a wedding ring,
Infinite and priceless, making both sing.
A master's love is a circle of endless love,
A priceless treasure, sent from the Heaven's above.
Time may change, aging state of grace,
But bound together, never losing pace.
A master's love never weakens,
It flows like the river, and only deepens.
A Master's love cleanses the soul,
Healing old wounds as it flows.
A love more precious than anything,
Gold, silver, more precious than things.
A master's love burns deep and hot,
Burning away the doubts of what we are not.
A master's love can never die,
For it is never-ending, and that is no lie.
So what is a Master's love?
Each of us knows it, a gift from above.
A priceless treasure,
That brings endless pleasure.
And what of a slave's love you ask?
It is shown in praise as she does what He asks.
A deep endless joy, endless craving
Deepening surrender, life worth saving.
And what of Love to each other you ask?
A fire hot and bright, does one have to ask?
It burns hotter than the sun, brighter than the stars
A bond that never ends, long after we go to the stars.
And what of those lost mates where is love?
It is shown always high above.
For it is in each star shining bright,
Brightly shining in eternal light.
So what is love to each of you?
How does it mold and shape each part of you?
Look deep inside the heart when in doubt it is there,
For it always will be, Love is always there.
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Floggy the Ho Man
Had a jolly happy pole
With an 8 inch length
And a 4 inch girth
And 2 balls hung down below
Floggy the Ho Man
Is a "fairy tail" they say
He was such a ho
But the Dommes know
He's a bi sub not just gay
There must have been some magic
In that old black mask they found
For when they strapped it on his head
He began to dance around
Floggy the Ho Man
Was alive as he could be
And the Doms all say
He could laugh and flay
Just the same as you and me
Floggy the Ho Man
Knew the brand was hot that day
So he said let's run
And we'll have some fun
Now before I bond away
Down to the village
With a switch held in his hand
Running here and there all around the square
Saying cane me if you can
He led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop
Who slapped him soundly with his hand
and made him scream and hop
Floggy the Ho Man
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye
Saying don't you cry
You can spank again some day
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Every Dom, every subbie all like Christmas a lot…
But Grimly,Who lived in the remote north, Did NOT!
Grimly hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right,
It could be, perhaps, that his leathers were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason to explain all of that,
May have been that his subbie was just too much of a brat.
Whatever the reason, His clothes or his girl,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the world,
Staring down from his dungeon with a sour, Grimly frown,
He eyed up his girl in her long latex gown.
For he knew she was a good girl down beneath,
Though she would deny it, and lie through her teeth:
“I wont obey you!” she snarled with a sneer,
“Even though its Christmas! I have no fear!”
Then he growled, with his Grimly fingers nervously drumming,
“behave or I’ll stop YOU and Christmas from coming!”
For Tomorrow, he knew, what lie in his sack,
A chastity belt that would tie up her cunt and her crack!
And the she would scream and beg and she’d plead!
She’d gladly allow him to drag her around on a lead!
She would want to please him and to obey,
In return for him granting orgasm and play!
And the more Grimly thought of this devious plan,
The more he thought, “I must do what I can!”
“Why, for three years I’ve put up with it now!”
”This Christmas I’ll have a good girl! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! A deviousl idea!
Grimly GOT A deviously, sadistic IDEA!”
I know just what to do!” The Grim laughed in his throat.
And he pulled on a Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grimly trick!”
“With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!”
“All I need is a reindeer…” Grimly looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grimly? No! The Grim simply said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, she’ll be one instead!”
So he dressed his girl up in her pony gear,
With her head harness tied tight round her ears.
THEN He put on her antlers she was bound nice and tight ,
Grim proclaimed “ you’ll be a good girl tonight!’.
Then Grimly said, “Giddap!” And she pranced around,
As he looked at his girl, all nicely bound.
He knew that in bondage she gets quite spacy,
Quite turned on, horny and rather quite racy!
“I‘ll have you where I Want”he proclaimed with a shout
“I will do what I can to knock this brattiness out!”
“Oh yes my girl,” the old Grimly Claus hissed,
As he took out her bit gag and gave her a kiss.
She was spacy and floating away somewhere,
Forgetting she was dangerously in his lair.
And in his control and under his power,
He would make her submit and grovel and cower.
He undid her harness and said with a grin,
‘Here’s my Christmas bondage sack, I’m putting you in!’’
And then in the morning I’ll have the best present ever!”
”A spacy girl in bondage who wants to endeavour,
To obey me and please me and do what she can,
To make me the happiest dominant man!”
He laid her down in his Christmas sack,
Making sure the restraints were tight, he didn’t like slack.
Why, that Grimly even wired her ass and her pussy,
He liked her pain to be fancy, in that way he’s fussy!
“And NOW!” grinned the Grimly, “I will start the transformation!”
”Tomorrow you’ll be the best sub in the nation!”
And he turned on the juice and turned up the power,
As the clocked ticked round to the midnight hour.
She screamed, she groaned and she begged :
”Please Master, I’ll be good, I’ll be good instead,
“I’ll change my ways, I’ll be a good girl,
This Christmas please I’ll give you the world”
“I cant stop Christmas coming, but I can control you,
And if you’re honest you do love that too!”
”You like to feel helpless and under my spell,
Even though to you I’m the bastard from hell!”
“If you want to orgasm then beg me now!”
”Please master’ she begged ‘please, please oooh oww!”
’I want to know that I’ll get what I want’ Grimly said,
”When I open my sack and let you into my bed,
As its Christmas I’ll be nice and you may cum
As I have to admit, with you I have fun!”
’But’ grimly said ‘you have to be good from now on’’
or tomorrow till next Christmas, the belt I will don!”
’Oh no please Master, dont lock me in that!”
“it’s really uncomfortable and makes me look fat!”
Grimly grinned and he said ‘well that is up to you,
be good and it’ll still be easy to go to the loo!”
“But that is the threat,” grinned Grimly, “that you have to hear!”
That is what’ll happen if you’re not good this year!”
’Yes master’ she said ‘I promise this now,
I’ll do what you want, but please tell me how,
You’ve managed to cast this spell over me,
I really am confused over how this could be!”
”Well my dear its simple, I want you to behave
and enjoy your fantasy of being my SLAVE!”
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'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse;
The paddles were hung in the cupboard with care,
In hopes that her bottom soon would be bare;
The children were nestled at grandma's in bed,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her nightie, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long discipline chat,
When out of her mouth there arose such a clatter,
I sat on the bed as she sassed "Hey what's the matter?"
I pulled her across my knee in a flash,
Pulled up her nightie to bare her cute ass.
Her bottom was white as the new-fallen snow
But would soon give way to the luster of a healthy red glow,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a large wooden paddle, to redden her rear,
With long hard swings, both lively and quick,
She knew in a moment it won't be a picnic.
In rapid succession the paddling came,
I shouted, and called out her no-nos by name;
"Now, SASSING! Now, LYING! And STAYING UP LATE!"
I paddled her hard and continued her fate.
She begged and she pleaded and I knew she would bawl!
Her bottom, her thighs I covered them all!
As I held her down tight I listened to her cry,
When the paddle met her, there were tears in her eyes,
So I spanked and I spanked and the paddle it flew,
With the lecture of love that came with it too.
The wiggling and kicking of each little foot
The paddle would soon make her little ass cook.
As I drew back the paddle, again it was sound,
Down on her bottom it came with a bound.
She was beautiful and sexy, from her head to her foot,
But her soul was all tarnished like ashes and soot;
A bundle of guilt she had on her back,
I took them away with each paddle wack.
Her eyes -- how they twinkled! With tears that weren't merry!
Her cheeks were red as roses, her thighs like a cherry!
Her beautiful hair was drawn up in a bow,
And her bottom was now not as white as the snow;
I let her get up and put the paddle on the shelf,
I kissed her and I love her more then myself;
A wink of my eye and a twist of my head,
Soon let her know it was now time for bed;
I spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
I tucked her in bed; then turned with a jerk,
And laying my finger aside of my nose,
And thinking inside, "She's as red as a rose";
Now discipline is not as easy as a whistle,
And it won't go away like the down of a thistle.
Now to all of you who love spankings so dear,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A RED REAR!
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I received a question from a fan the other day asking me if subs get angry and how do they deal with that anger. I answered her, but also thought that would be a good post for today. See, we tend to think that since we are submissives, we are either above feeling normal human vanilla feelings, or that we have to deal with and suffer in silence. That is not true.
Dealing with anger is pretty much like in a vanilla relationship. Even as a slave, I do get angry sometimes, not very often, but it can happen. It always stems from a difference of opinion or a misunderstanding between partners. But, instead of yelling and accusing each other of things, my Padrone and I sit down and work out whatever the problem is right there.
Now, sometimes there will be a raised voice, but rarely. The reason it is important to work it out as soon as something bothers you is because the longer you stew over the issue, the bigger it can become or seem.
You also have to remember you are a person with your own thoughts and feelings and opinions on life. It's ok to have opposing views that aren't always the exact same as your Master's. But, you both must remember to use logic and calmly express what is bothering you. Try to do it in person and always remember to not yell, let anger take over your brain, and never disrespect the other person.
Ask yourself if this is something you feel will continue to bother you tomorrow if it’s not resolved right now. If it will, then you should look for a resolution for it. If it isn’t, then let it slide. It’s not worth the stress that frustration brings you. I know on many occasions I find myself on a short trigger and anything can frustrate me. In these times I have to learn to let some things go as just not with the effort. You can do that too.
When I submit in any way I want it to be perfect. Any flaw that I notice will frustrate me to no end. But I really need to let that go, can you? Perfection isn’t what you need to strive for. You need to strive for happiness and comfort in yourself. People aren’t meant to be perfect, we are meant to be unique. Allow your service to be unique and you will be much happier and less frustrated with yourself.
Lean to be patient and compromising. I know this isn’t as easy as it sounds for some. I am not patient but have learned to become much more patient over the past 1 ½ years. Compromise is something you will do on a daily basis as a submissive. You can’t submit to someone 24/7 and not budge or compromise. But a little secret you might not be thinking of, just as you are learning more patience and compromise, so is your Master. They too are learning to live with you as a person, but also as your Dominant.
So, do subs get angry? Yes. But the outcome all depends on how you manage that anger and frustration from the very beginning. Always remember your place. Never yell or walk away from a disagreement. Listen with open ears and an open mind and compromise.
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I rarely post multiple things, but I have been reading a couple of follower
emails and comments on various pages I contribute to. I think there is a big
confusion among newbies to BDSM or D/s that do not know the difference between
true BDSM and abuse. I hope this helps clear it up for you. If you feel
threatened in a bad way, if your submission is forced or something about the
relationship makes you think or feel bad all the time and you get no comfort
from it, it is more likely abuse than an BDSM relationship.
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| abused submissive |
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| Loving D/s relationship |
Telling
the Difference between Consentual BDSM and abuse:
- Restraints. Abusers tend to restrain their victims with fear and intimidation, not safety clips and quick releases.
- The availability of mentors, reference materials and technical guides.
- SM rarely results in facial marks or marks that are received on the forearms (defensive marks).
- There is usually an even pattern of marks if it is SM, indicating the bottom held quite still during the stimulation.
- The marks are often quite well-defined when inflicted by a toy like cane or whip, whereas in abuse there are blotches of soft-tissue bruising, randomly distributed.
- The common areas for SM stimulation is on the buttocks, thighs, back, breasts, or the genitals. The fleshy parts of the body can be stimulated intensely and pleasurably.
- D/s is about the building of a trusting relationship between two consenting adult partners.
- Abuse is about the breach of trust between an authority figure and the person in their care.
- D/s is about the mutual respect demonstrated between two enlightened people.
- Abuse is about the lack of respect that one person demonstrates to another person.
- D/s is about a shared enjoyment of controlled erotic pain and/or humiliation for mutual pleasure.
- Abuse is about a form of out-of-control physical violence and/or personal or emotional degradation of the submissive.
- D/s is about loving each other completely and without reservation in an alternate way.
- Abuse is hurtful. It is also very damaging emotionally and spiritually to the submissive.
- D/s frees a submissive from the restraints of years of vanilla conditioning to explore a buried part of herself.
- Abuse binds a submissive to a lonely and solitary life of shame, fear and secrecy... imprisoning her very soul.
- D/s builds self-esteem as a person discovers and embraces their long hidden sexuality.
- Abuse shatters and destroys a person's self-esteem and leaves self-hatred in its place.
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