This week's Talk Tuesday topics are once again very diverse subjects. I think many of you will learn new things because I have not written about these topics before. This week's topics cover "Collaring", "Submissive having more Career Success than the Dominant", and "Dominants dealing with Chronically ill Subs".
Question #1) "I have a vanilla relationship. We discussed about bdsm a few years ago and figured out that this is nothing for us. But for me I ask myself sometimes, why am I so sick and have such feelings. I told nothing to my wife and fight against my feelings, tried to life my unfilled vanilla Life. I can't tell her about other women, especially to go to women and pay for them.
So far so good, that's my situation. Ok, one time I decided to pay for women instead of starting a new relationship for finding my inclinations. And then I met Lady V! She opens mind. She will come in two weeks back in town and I will meet her again. I think I have to talk to her very much about the first Time with her, my feelings and which way we will continue. And here is my most important question: How can I tell Lady V that I want to become her slave and that I want to find out more about feelings?"
The first point I have to make is that you are not having 'sick feelings' just because you enjoy being a submissive male to a female dominant. It's just a part of who you are. Never be sorry or feel ashamed of that. Now, as far as your vanilla wife, you have to determine yourself how much it will hurt her if your relationship with Lady V is discovered. I would honestly consider all ramifications if she ever found out before entering into a secret relationship. As far as becoming Lady V's submissive/slave, you would first need to make a formal request to her and ask if she would put you under consideration for the privilege of becoming her sub or slave in the future. Then the conversation will go from there between the two of you.
I suggest you read the following article to find out about Collaring:
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2013/01/all-about-collars
Question #2) "My submissive is more successful than I am in her work career. She makes much more money and is in a very high profile position. When it comes to our relationship, I am completely in control and she is very submissive to me. Even so, I sometimes feel that she doesn't need me and am slightly jealous of her career success. How do I balance being her Dominant while curbing my jealousy about her career success?"
That is not an easy situation to be in. You have to remember that you both have the option to walk away at anytime and you both choose to stay in the relationship. If she cared about your wealth or career success, she would not have chosen to continue to stay with you as her Dominant. You obviously provide something that she can only find when she submits to you. I suggest you focus on your relationship and being the best dominant you can to her and not worry about career and money situations outside of that. If you are not happy in your own career choices, why not think about changing jobs or going back to school to gain the skills you need to apply for a higher paying job?
Question #3) "Have any of you had a huge fight with your Sir or Ma'am and just cant shake it?? Even after apologies were said? I have on going health problems, one being chronic pain. Sometimes, i have major anxiety attacks. Right now i'm in the grieving process i'm in anger. My Mistress said today ' I just don't know how to deal with you anymore'"
I have two trains of thoughts on this. First, is that your Mistress may not have meant that and was just frustrated at the time because of you having multiple ongoing health problems. It is really tough for some people to deal with and they do the best they can, but can never really understand what we go through (I deal with a rare form of Epilepsy so understand your situation somewhat). If you think this is the case, then you need to talk to her and tell her about your frustrations and how her words hurt. You might also make suggestions to her if there are things she can do when you are feeling bad to help you feel better.
My second thoughts are that she may not be a person that can handle someone with a chronic illness. Not all people can and you should not blame them if they can not. But, if that is the case, I strongly suggest you ask for release. If you continue down this path, you both will just become more and more frustrated over time and the end results are never good for either party. If you haven't sought help for your anxiety problems, I encourage you to try to find professional psychological help. Never be ashamed to ask for help in any situation.
I hope you enjoyed this week's Talk Tuesday topics and you learned something new. If you have your own question you would like us to answer, please send an email to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com.
So far so good, that's my situation. Ok, one time I decided to pay for women instead of starting a new relationship for finding my inclinations. And then I met Lady V! She opens mind. She will come in two weeks back in town and I will meet her again. I think I have to talk to her very much about the first Time with her, my feelings and which way we will continue. And here is my most important question: How can I tell Lady V that I want to become her slave and that I want to find out more about feelings?"
The first point I have to make is that you are not having 'sick feelings' just because you enjoy being a submissive male to a female dominant. It's just a part of who you are. Never be sorry or feel ashamed of that. Now, as far as your vanilla wife, you have to determine yourself how much it will hurt her if your relationship with Lady V is discovered. I would honestly consider all ramifications if she ever found out before entering into a secret relationship. As far as becoming Lady V's submissive/slave, you would first need to make a formal request to her and ask if she would put you under consideration for the privilege of becoming her sub or slave in the future. Then the conversation will go from there between the two of you.
I suggest you read the following article to find out about Collaring:
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2013/01/all-about-collars
Question #2) "My submissive is more successful than I am in her work career. She makes much more money and is in a very high profile position. When it comes to our relationship, I am completely in control and she is very submissive to me. Even so, I sometimes feel that she doesn't need me and am slightly jealous of her career success. How do I balance being her Dominant while curbing my jealousy about her career success?"
That is not an easy situation to be in. You have to remember that you both have the option to walk away at anytime and you both choose to stay in the relationship. If she cared about your wealth or career success, she would not have chosen to continue to stay with you as her Dominant. You obviously provide something that she can only find when she submits to you. I suggest you focus on your relationship and being the best dominant you can to her and not worry about career and money situations outside of that. If you are not happy in your own career choices, why not think about changing jobs or going back to school to gain the skills you need to apply for a higher paying job?
Question #3) "Have any of you had a huge fight with your Sir or Ma'am and just cant shake it?? Even after apologies were said? I have on going health problems, one being chronic pain. Sometimes, i have major anxiety attacks. Right now i'm in the grieving process i'm in anger. My Mistress said today ' I just don't know how to deal with you anymore'"
I have two trains of thoughts on this. First, is that your Mistress may not have meant that and was just frustrated at the time because of you having multiple ongoing health problems. It is really tough for some people to deal with and they do the best they can, but can never really understand what we go through (I deal with a rare form of Epilepsy so understand your situation somewhat). If you think this is the case, then you need to talk to her and tell her about your frustrations and how her words hurt. You might also make suggestions to her if there are things she can do when you are feeling bad to help you feel better.
My second thoughts are that she may not be a person that can handle someone with a chronic illness. Not all people can and you should not blame them if they can not. But, if that is the case, I strongly suggest you ask for release. If you continue down this path, you both will just become more and more frustrated over time and the end results are never good for either party. If you haven't sought help for your anxiety problems, I encourage you to try to find professional psychological help. Never be ashamed to ask for help in any situation.
I hope you enjoyed this week's Talk Tuesday topics and you learned something new. If you have your own question you would like us to answer, please send an email to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com.
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I would like to re-introduce you to a wonderful couple, Master Grimm and Slave Nalani. They are a 24/7 BDSM couple that live the lifestyle while being cross-country truck drivers.
If you have not read the first, second, or third parts of their story, I encourage you to read them before continuing on with this one. This is the last installment of their beautiful story that will be posted here. Stay tuned for the e-book to find out the rest of the story! Enjoy this final post of their truly wonderful story.
One day, I had my worse day ever! Since I found this special Man online, my sleep schedule was all messed up because of the huge time difference. I tried to stay awake as long as possible, drinking coffee like crazy so I could stay in contact with my new Master as long as I could! Every day, I woke up at 6am and went to bed at 2 or 3am in the morning, only to wake up again at 6am, just to make sure I didn’t lose contact with Him. He told me from the beginning that he wanted to wish me sweet dreams and tell me he loved me before I went to sleep. If I didn't tell him that I was going to sleep, I would be punished by Him not talking to me a whole day!
One night I fell asleep like a rock! Passed out! I jerked awake shocked! There it was! The one message from Him I never wanted to get! "This will be your punishment", He wrote. I cried hard that whole day! I wrote Him begging Him for forgiveness. My eyes were swollen I didn't eat because I was so upset! How could I do this to him? I looked at the pictures of him that I had printed out and framed. I looked at FB and no response! I cried so much and was hurting so badly that I punished myself by pouring hot candle wax over my breasts, which caused blisters to form. My mind was empty. I thought that I had lost him, because this was my first punishment and I didn't know how to handle it.
The next day, my breasts were hurting because of the candle wax. It reminded me of what had happened. My mind was back on earth again, and after I had finished housework, I looked on FB and found two messages from Him in my inbox!
I was almost too nervous to open them, but I did. He wrote me that I was forgiven and explained to me how important it was for Him to wish me good night and tell me that he loves me. As a truck driver, it isn't easy out on the road and you never know what is going to happen! He felt sorry for me that I had burned myself with the candle wax and told me that if he could be with me, he would have taken care of it. I cried when I was reading his letter to me. I cried so hard I could barely read it through the tears. I cleaned up my face and calmed down before going back to my laptop and writing him back with " i am sorry Master, please forgive me Master. It won't happen again. It was my fault Master and i deserved Your punishment". Fighting back new tears, I wrote him that I love him and told him how much he means to me! He responded back shortly after I sent the message saying he loves me more and that I am special to him. Everything was back to normal again and we both felt better!
After a few days, we had another conversation about moving to be together. He had told his family about possibly moving to Europe to be with me and most of his family supported his decision. Some family didn’t agree and couldn't support that decision. His friends were excited. Only one of his friends told him that it was just some Internet thing and wasn't real. I was hurt by that because all we wanted was for our fairytale to come true! Master asked me how I felt about going to him in the United States of America. For a moment, I was quiet and he said "Hello? Are you there?" I answered with "Yes Master! I would love that!" I was one happy little slave with a big smile on my face!
So I told him that I would do everything to come to him and he was excited and happy! After all, what did I have to lose? Nothing at all! I didn't have any family. My mom died when I was 16years old. I didn't have contact with my father or bother, so what could hold me there? Nothing in my opinion! He told me to come out in the summer of 2011 and that we would do everything to make this bond we had created stronger and turn it into reality. I could serve him 24/7 as his slave. He would train me and teach me everything! Wow my life turned completely into a different life than how I lived before I found him! It was January 2011. We continued to chat, talk online, text back and forth, phone calls and more! The more we talked, the more excited we got about summertime! We fell more deeply in love with each passing day. There were many spicy phone calls in which he wanted me to call him so he could give me permission to play with myself and so he could tell me "Cum for me slave!" Yes, this Man knows exactly how to handle me as newbie slave.
One day while we talked on yahoo messenger voice, he told me he couldn't handle our distance anymore. That it had become too hard and painful for him. I told that I couldn't handle it much either but we had to try to stay strong. Then he said, "I want you here before my birthday on April 4th." Oh boy, it was only 2 months away I told him. He started laughing and said "You’re good in counting." I said "Yes Master, i will be there before Your Birthday." He was happy!
I had to make everything possible in only two months! So for two straight months, I worked that much harder to save the money together for the airplane ticket and to have extra money with me. In the meantime, I gave all my furniture away to the Goodwill. I was very stressed all the time during those two months, counting my money to make sure I had enough for an airplane ticket. I ate as cheap as I could. I gave up my apartment and everything in Europe. My life had come to an end there! Nobody helped me. I did it all by myself!
I made it! That last night, we had our last online chat. My suitcase was packed and I sat in an empty house counting the hours away till it was my time to close the door behind me and say goodbye to my life in Europe! That last night, Master and I talked and He was excited and a little nervous too. I had my shower, was dressed and ready to go waiting for the taxi to arrive. We ended the call and I told him I would call him as soon I was on the bus that goes to the airport in Brussels, Belgium. It was 5 am in the morning when I arrived at the airport and my flight didn't leave till 11 am. I think I was afraid to be late. I checked in, my suitcase was stowed away and I sat at Gate 43 waiting for my departure time! The flights I had to take were, Brussels to Frankfurt, Frankfurt to Houston, TX and Houston, TX to Ontario, California. This was going to be a very long flight, a total of 23 hours.
slave nalani
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Many of you have heard me speak of how much better I have been with my epilepsy, mental and physical health, and overall well being since I have been with my Padrone.
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| Padrone Marco Fegatofi |
Sunday we are celebrating our 2nd anniversary and thought it would be a great idea to look back. I don't even look like the same person I was over 2.5 years ago!
Love and complete submission can do wonders.
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Below is an excerpt from my new book BDSM Basics for Beginners.
There are many variations of what the initials BDSM stand for, but the most widely used is Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. Frequently, the different areas of BDSM overlap into one another, as a bondage scene might include humiliation, or a D/s relationship might incorporate fetishism, etc. But just as frequently, there are those who only participate in one aspect of the lifestyle. In general, there is no hard and fast rule for what is right and what is wrong..... it depends on the individuals involved. BDSM is fluid and changes as individuals and relationships change. Having said that, there is one creed we all agree on. All play must be: SAFE, SANE & CONSENSUAL. Mutual consent is what distinguishes BDSM from abuse and assault, just as consent distinguishes sex from rape.
In a broad statement, BDSM is an erotic preference and a form of personal relationship that can involve the consensual use of restraints, intense sensory stimulation, and role play. To those that practice it in situations, other than just sexual scenes, it is also extremely mental. A Dominant has to be very careful and know his submissive extremely well in order not to do any lasting mental damage if the sub is deep into submission.
Because of main stream media and books like 50 Shades of Grey, the S&M portions have been highlighted much more than a rounded, more truthful picture of BDSM. The truth is that this alternate form of sexuality/relationship has nothing to do with destructive behavior. A Dominant person simply wants to dominate in sex while the submissive wants to be stripped of any initiative.
Read. Learn. Practice. Play. Have fun. BDSM is about finding the things that feel good and right to yourself and, most importantly, with your partner. Take the time to study up on the subject. But remember, every book is nothing more than a guide. There are no rule books, no predefined "this-is-the-way-it-is" laws. Take what you read and adapt it to suit your own individual flavor of BDSM, within the vast boundaries of Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Because even the meaning of those three words varies from person to person!
BDSM is NOT abuse. An abuser doesn't take the time to learn safe play and an abuser certainly doesn't respect limits. Not taking NO for an answer, not honoring a safe word or taking advantage of the unequal power relationship that exists between a Dom and sub, are forms of abuse. This is where knowledge comes in handy and trust is essential. Never play or submit to anyone that you do not completely trust with that power. Not everything in BDSM is for everybody. Test the waters, experiment, see what you like or don't like and proceed from there.
There are many variations of what the initials BDSM stand for, but the most widely used is Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. Frequently, the different areas of BDSM overlap into one another, as a bondage scene might include humiliation, or a D/s relationship might incorporate fetishism, etc. But just as frequently, there are those who only participate in one aspect of the lifestyle. In general, there is no hard and fast rule for what is right and what is wrong..... it depends on the individuals involved. BDSM is fluid and changes as individuals and relationships change. Having said that, there is one creed we all agree on. All play must be: SAFE, SANE & CONSENSUAL. Mutual consent is what distinguishes BDSM from abuse and assault, just as consent distinguishes sex from rape.
In a broad statement, BDSM is an erotic preference and a form of personal relationship that can involve the consensual use of restraints, intense sensory stimulation, and role play. To those that practice it in situations, other than just sexual scenes, it is also extremely mental. A Dominant has to be very careful and know his submissive extremely well in order not to do any lasting mental damage if the sub is deep into submission.
Because of main stream media and books like 50 Shades of Grey, the S&M portions have been highlighted much more than a rounded, more truthful picture of BDSM. The truth is that this alternate form of sexuality/relationship has nothing to do with destructive behavior. A Dominant person simply wants to dominate in sex while the submissive wants to be stripped of any initiative.
Read. Learn. Practice. Play. Have fun. BDSM is about finding the things that feel good and right to yourself and, most importantly, with your partner. Take the time to study up on the subject. But remember, every book is nothing more than a guide. There are no rule books, no predefined "this-is-the-way-it-is" laws. Take what you read and adapt it to suit your own individual flavor of BDSM, within the vast boundaries of Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Because even the meaning of those three words varies from person to person!
BDSM is NOT abuse. An abuser doesn't take the time to learn safe play and an abuser certainly doesn't respect limits. Not taking NO for an answer, not honoring a safe word or taking advantage of the unequal power relationship that exists between a Dom and sub, are forms of abuse. This is where knowledge comes in handy and trust is essential. Never play or submit to anyone that you do not completely trust with that power. Not everything in BDSM is for everybody. Test the waters, experiment, see what you like or don't like and proceed from there.
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