I’ve been in the Lifestyle for over 20 years and the title of ‘slave’ has always been given by the Master to their property. In the past five years or so, within groups on social media, it has become somewhat fashionable to identify as a slave rather than just a submissive, despite having no experience in BDSM and no real frame of reference.
I posed this question to different social sites asking for their thoughts on self-awarded titles and the responses were extremely varying. Some thought that it was up to the Dominant to give out the title of slave if they felt like it was earned. Others think that the sub has the right to call themselves by whichever title they want as they are the ones it is referring to. Many thought that too much importance was being given to titles/labels and think they should be done away with completely.
Personally, I think every bottom should stay with the title ‘submissive’ until they engage in a Master/slave dynamic and get trained to become the slave of that Master. How else can a person actually know and understand what it means to transition from a submissive to a BDSM Consensual Slave? There are many differences between the two and the titles cannot be interchanged.
Of course, everyone has their own opinion and it’s up to the individual to decide how they will proceed with their journey through the Lifestyle. I’ve written many posts about my thoughts on the different types of submissives, the new titles and descriptions that have popped up in the past 5 years or so, as well as the actual differences between being a submissive and a slave in a BDSM relationship.
I was trained by members of the Old Guard, so I tend to lean that way in my thoughts involving BDSM matters. I believe that there are steps you can not cross or circumvent just to gain a title. Just like respect, titles are earned.
The first thing a person has to do is to gain a basic knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. After this, they can continue on with their journey, as a Dominant or a submissive, and hopefully find a relationship or dynamic that works for them. Once a couple get together, hopefully makes a limits list and a contract outlining the rules of the dynamic, this would be the appropriate time to discuss different titles, such as submissive or slave, Dominant or Master. How can a person decide they are automatically a slave with no knowledge or experience actually living as one in a relationship setting? It’s impossible and takes the meaning from the word. It actually demeans the title in my opinion.
Let me clarify something. I am not saying that a person cannot have slave tendencies, while still remaining a submissive. This is a different thing. A person can actually say they are a submissive with slave tendencies, while remaining a submissive until they find a dynamic in which they or their Master gives them the permission to use the title of slave.
With the influx of so many new people online exploring the BDSM community, obviously things will change in the Lifestyle and continue to evolve. But, if we do not hold on to the basic teachings, roles, titles, and rules, BDSM will cease to exist and something else entirely different will evolve. I personally, will work to uphold the core values of the Old Guard way of practicing BDSM while keeping an open mind and watching BDSM evolve in ways we have yet to imagine.
I posed this question to different social sites asking for their thoughts on self-awarded titles and the responses were extremely varying. Some thought that it was up to the Dominant to give out the title of slave if they felt like it was earned. Others think that the sub has the right to call themselves by whichever title they want as they are the ones it is referring to. Many thought that too much importance was being given to titles/labels and think they should be done away with completely.
Personally, I think every bottom should stay with the title ‘submissive’ until they engage in a Master/slave dynamic and get trained to become the slave of that Master. How else can a person actually know and understand what it means to transition from a submissive to a BDSM Consensual Slave? There are many differences between the two and the titles cannot be interchanged.
Of course, everyone has their own opinion and it’s up to the individual to decide how they will proceed with their journey through the Lifestyle. I’ve written many posts about my thoughts on the different types of submissives, the new titles and descriptions that have popped up in the past 5 years or so, as well as the actual differences between being a submissive and a slave in a BDSM relationship.
I was trained by members of the Old Guard, so I tend to lean that way in my thoughts involving BDSM matters. I believe that there are steps you can not cross or circumvent just to gain a title. Just like respect, titles are earned.
The first thing a person has to do is to gain a basic knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. After this, they can continue on with their journey, as a Dominant or a submissive, and hopefully find a relationship or dynamic that works for them. Once a couple get together, hopefully makes a limits list and a contract outlining the rules of the dynamic, this would be the appropriate time to discuss different titles, such as submissive or slave, Dominant or Master. How can a person decide they are automatically a slave with no knowledge or experience actually living as one in a relationship setting? It’s impossible and takes the meaning from the word. It actually demeans the title in my opinion.
Let me clarify something. I am not saying that a person cannot have slave tendencies, while still remaining a submissive. This is a different thing. A person can actually say they are a submissive with slave tendencies, while remaining a submissive until they find a dynamic in which they or their Master gives them the permission to use the title of slave.
With the influx of so many new people online exploring the BDSM community, obviously things will change in the Lifestyle and continue to evolve. But, if we do not hold on to the basic teachings, roles, titles, and rules, BDSM will cease to exist and something else entirely different will evolve. I personally, will work to uphold the core values of the Old Guard way of practicing BDSM while keeping an open mind and watching BDSM evolve in ways we have yet to imagine.
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I was tagged in a post the other day over on Google + asking me for my input and thoughts on a blog classifying submissives into different categories.
The blogger wrote a disclaimer stating he didn't know everything and believed there are so many variations and ways to live, promote, and discuss the lifestyle that everyone will have a different opinion.
The discussion that ensued under the post was very interesting. One person said they refer to themselves as 'pet' because they abhor the word 'slave'. Another person said they did not believe in any references of classes or titles. That a 'true loving relationship can't be classified or measured'. In this, the writer was specifically referring to those in the lifestyle that classify their relationship as a 24/7 relationship or 'boast' about having this type of relationship and went on to state that he didn't care what the world called her, his partner was simply his.
Now, I have a different opinion. I am not saying that those that think differently than I do are wrong. I'm simply stating my opinion. I have many different thoughts on this subject. First is classifications. Do I like them? No. But, are they necessary? Yes. Why? Because I write, speak to, or advise many people from different countries, backgrounds, and levels of understanding about the BDSM Lifestyle. It's a tool that I use to help new people gain a better understanding of their own place in our world. They read many BDSM blogs and BDSM books and get confused. By using classifications such as differences in submissives, they can start to understand that there are many different ways to submit. In every post in which I speak on this, I clarify it by the statement "One can fit into many categories, so don't feel limited by a learning tool".
Now to address what has been termed as 'boasting a 24/7 relationship'. In my own case, it's not a boast, but a fact. I do live it all day and night and 7 days a week. How is this possible? I don't work outside the home. I do work in the field of BDSM. I'm lucky enough to be with my Padrone pretty much 24/7 and even go to work with him and hang out there all night when I'm not sick.
I do use the designation 24/7 slave when describing myself. Why? Because it is who I am and what I see myself as. It is my reality. It also helps other people that read my books or blogs connect to the lifestyle, have a point of reference of what 24/7 slave can really mean in a real life relationship, and at the same time give them another learning tool. If you think about your own life, we all need these types of tools/ titles/ classifications to help us understand the world we live in; To bring understanding to a new and possibly alien subject. Without classifications or titles, there would be chaos. And where there's chaos, there is no learning, enlightenment, or advancement.
At this point, a separate argument was made that promoting the lifestyle in this way was a wrong approach. That it gave self-proclaimed Doms or subs a platform to boast around and give 'lessons' to others. The writer said "I don't want to give lessons to anyone about what they are or how they should consider themselves. D/s is one subtle life discovery that everyone should discover for themselves".
I agree to a certain extent. The way I teach and approach the lifestyle is from one of self discovery. But, as I am approached by literally hundreds of people asking advice, it's one of the ways I can help them. People just discovering or finally admitting, that they have a craving towards BDSM want information. They need to know they aren't dirty, weird or depraved. My blog posts, as well as others on the internet, are a sort of validation that they are not sick or perverted. It's a relief to some and a revelation to others that yes there are more like me! The use of titles and classes is just a stepping stone for the newbies on their journey. And as in the vanilla lifestyle where people pretend to be what they are not, there will always be people that scream to the world they are Dominant or submissive. These are not real and I always point this out to my readers. A real Dominant or submissive doesn't feel the need nor do they want to scream the fact to the world at large.
So, just remember, no matter if you call or consider yourself a Master/Mistress/Sir/Madam/Daddy/Padrone/Maitre/Jarl or sub/slave/pet/babygirl/boy/kajira, they are just ways to help you understand yourself in a different way. There are many levels of submission and dominance. There are many types of D/s relationships. There are many ways you can classify your relationship or yourself. Some do not believe and do not use any titles or classifications. Others use them all the time. Some use them but say they don't believe in them.
There is no right or wrong. There is no correct classification that you have to fit into. It is what you make of it and what works for you and your partner. So, the next time you encounter a classification post or one about titles, whether you agree or not, it was worth the read if it made you think and learn just one more facet of what makes up the huge infinite world of BDSM.
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Titles & Classifications in BDSM
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