Michelle Fegatofi
Hello all! I am still here and around but the renovations have been taking longer than expected. I should be back to posting next week! In the meantime, if you are new, please check out my old posts and if you are a continuous follower, look for new stuff soon! Thanks for staying and keep reading!
Michelle Fegatofi
Michelle Fegatofi
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The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book dedicated solely for Submissives:
- You do have rights. You have the right to walk away at any time for any reason.
- No one can keep up a 24/7 high protocol lifestyle for long without a break for of kids, family, work and other life events.
- No man has an erection continuously. Unless they're priapic, in which case, a doctor's visit is in order.
- There is such a thing as PMS, and no amount of Dominance will make it go away.
- Your cyber safeword is the off button on the front of your computer. Use it.
- There are going to be times when you don't feel like having sex. It does and will happen. Prepare yourself mentally for it because it is just a part of life and does not mean you are a bad submissive.
- Living a 24/7 Lifestyle is not a myth. Living 24/7 in chains, naked and kneeling is.
- There will come a time when you see your Dominant scratching himself, belching and in need of a shower. They are only human.
- No one understands your collar and its true meaning but you. Being proud to wear it everywhere is different than showing it off at the local market.
- Eventually, you're going to have to take off the slave cuffs to go to some real life appointment. Get used to it.
- People get sick. People die. Use a condom, please, unless you've been tested twice in the last year, and so has your partner.
- Don't walk away from your friends. You might well need them later, if your dream Dominant turns into a frog.
- If you want something, ask. Ask respectfully, ask in role, and ask in good faith. But ask. If you don't, chances are, you not going get it.
- Just because you call yourself a slave, doesn't mean that others will agree with your definition. Be prepared to defend your views, but don't growl at others for their opinions. They have a right to them, same as you do.
- Just because the screen name says Master doesn't mean he is one.
- There are things you won't do in Real Life that you role played with online.
- BDSM is not always about sex.
- People are not always nice. You will not play at every party you attend. If you are not careful and always aware of your surrounds, you may get hurt in a non-consensual way.
- Your Dominant is not a mind reader. You need to always be open and honest with your feelings.
- Your Mistress is not always dressed in thigh highs and hose. A Master does not always have his flogger nearby. Sometimes, it's time for sweat pants and hot cocoa.
- An argument is not the end of the world. Not resolving it, however, might be.
- Sometimes, a fuck is just a fuck. A beating is just a beating. And a kiss is just a kiss. Enjoy it, remember it, and move along.
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I was asked advice from a reader about her Dominant not being able to let go of the past.
She said that he is still friends with, or follows, his old cyber submissives and it makes her feel as though he can not cut ties with the past completely and move forward. She has talked to him and told him how this makes her feel, and he said that she is just jealous and they mean nothing. He said he is completely committed to her and their relationship, and that others do not matter. But, the question she asked him, and that he did not answer, was why he continues, even now, when he is happy with her, to follow or be friends with them?
She went on to say that she thinks that he misses the interactions he had with them and all the attention, that maybe they gave him something or made him feel something, that she didn't. She knew he loved her, but was he craving something from one of the old subs? His answer was always No.
This was my answer. We have to remember our pasts because we can't change them. They shaped us into who we are today. We made mistakes and got stepped on and hurt, but also probably had regrets of our own. We may sometimes look back and wish we had not done some things or that we could go back and take a different path from the one we chose to walk. But we can not. So, we learn to live and let go and move on.
Some people do this by cutting ties completely with people, others feel that there is still some connection or something of interest so they may keep contact with that person, but in a different context that what had it had been before.
Other people have trouble putting some people from their past behind them, no matter how it makes their loved one feel. They seem to need to know what is going on with that person's life, because there was something left undone or unsaid, like an unfinished letter. They never got what I term as 'complete closure', with the past relationship. They may still feel something for that person and just not tell anyone else that little fact.
Whatever the reason, it is their decision and you have to come to terms with it. If your partner (sub or dom) is not hiding the fact they are still in some kind of contact with old partners, then you should not worry. It is when they lie by omission or just outright don't tell you that they still look into that ex partner's current business, via whatever social media they follow them on, that you should worry.
When two people unite and decide to start making a life together, that is when you should start your count. The past should stay in the past and never hold anything they did before you, against them. Yes, sometimes our pasts do come back to haunt us, but if that happens, you pull together and face it. Never be accusatory or go behind your partners back to check up on them.
You should have an open and honest communication and trust one another deeply enough that you know everything that is going on in his/her life. If your partner can't give you a straight answer, or you feel worse with the answer you got, talk it out. Rely on honesty and communication, without getting jealous and petty, to guide you through the conversation.
Take a step back and tell don't obsess over it. Tell yourself and teach yourself that, as long as you have your partner's care, love and heart, then there is nothing to worry about.
We as humans are always jealous of anything that might interfere or alter, in any way, the ones that we hold most dear and sacred. Paranoia and obsession with something you can't change will just make the entire situation worse.
So, my best advice, is let it go. If you find him changing, conflicting answers or stories, or something that just does not sound right, then call him on it outright and ask in a respectful way. When you hear the truth, you will know and feel it.
It also might be a case of curiosity. What I mean by that is that him keeping an eye on old subs or ex's might be to see how they have changed or to see if their 'true' personality comes out and how different they are now.
Final advice, let the past go and keep the past in the past, especially old relationships that may not make your partner happy. Second, never borrow trouble by making too big of a deal out of old flames being on a follow or friend list. Third, as long as the honesty and communication continue, the trust should still be there and the your relationship should be able to continue forward on a solid course.
She said that he is still friends with, or follows, his old cyber submissives and it makes her feel as though he can not cut ties with the past completely and move forward. She has talked to him and told him how this makes her feel, and he said that she is just jealous and they mean nothing. He said he is completely committed to her and their relationship, and that others do not matter. But, the question she asked him, and that he did not answer, was why he continues, even now, when he is happy with her, to follow or be friends with them?
She went on to say that she thinks that he misses the interactions he had with them and all the attention, that maybe they gave him something or made him feel something, that she didn't. She knew he loved her, but was he craving something from one of the old subs? His answer was always No.
This was my answer. We have to remember our pasts because we can't change them. They shaped us into who we are today. We made mistakes and got stepped on and hurt, but also probably had regrets of our own. We may sometimes look back and wish we had not done some things or that we could go back and take a different path from the one we chose to walk. But we can not. So, we learn to live and let go and move on.
Some people do this by cutting ties completely with people, others feel that there is still some connection or something of interest so they may keep contact with that person, but in a different context that what had it had been before.
Other people have trouble putting some people from their past behind them, no matter how it makes their loved one feel. They seem to need to know what is going on with that person's life, because there was something left undone or unsaid, like an unfinished letter. They never got what I term as 'complete closure', with the past relationship. They may still feel something for that person and just not tell anyone else that little fact.
Whatever the reason, it is their decision and you have to come to terms with it. If your partner (sub or dom) is not hiding the fact they are still in some kind of contact with old partners, then you should not worry. It is when they lie by omission or just outright don't tell you that they still look into that ex partner's current business, via whatever social media they follow them on, that you should worry.
When two people unite and decide to start making a life together, that is when you should start your count. The past should stay in the past and never hold anything they did before you, against them. Yes, sometimes our pasts do come back to haunt us, but if that happens, you pull together and face it. Never be accusatory or go behind your partners back to check up on them.
You should have an open and honest communication and trust one another deeply enough that you know everything that is going on in his/her life. If your partner can't give you a straight answer, or you feel worse with the answer you got, talk it out. Rely on honesty and communication, without getting jealous and petty, to guide you through the conversation.
Take a step back and tell don't obsess over it. Tell yourself and teach yourself that, as long as you have your partner's care, love and heart, then there is nothing to worry about.
We as humans are always jealous of anything that might interfere or alter, in any way, the ones that we hold most dear and sacred. Paranoia and obsession with something you can't change will just make the entire situation worse.
So, my best advice, is let it go. If you find him changing, conflicting answers or stories, or something that just does not sound right, then call him on it outright and ask in a respectful way. When you hear the truth, you will know and feel it.
It also might be a case of curiosity. What I mean by that is that him keeping an eye on old subs or ex's might be to see how they have changed or to see if their 'true' personality comes out and how different they are now.
Final advice, let the past go and keep the past in the past, especially old relationships that may not make your partner happy. Second, never borrow trouble by making too big of a deal out of old flames being on a follow or friend list. Third, as long as the honesty and communication continue, the trust should still be there and the your relationship should be able to continue forward on a solid course.
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I recently received an email from a reader asking for advice with her Dominant.
They had been a vanilla couple for a while and both decided they wanted to take it into a deeper relationship, so started to explore the world of BDSM and D/s. After much research and reading up on the lifestyle, he took the dominant role and she the submissive role. They made a contract from the beginning of their D/s relationship and started living it in a 24/7 lifestyle. In the contract, one thing they both agreed to was that they wouldn't visit dating sites or porn sites, nor would sex texting with anyone else. The submissive repeatedly found out that the Dominant was breaking this one rule. He treated her well in every other way and never broke any other rules of the contract, except that one. He could not stay off the porn sites. She said she lost trust in him and asked me how she could trust him after he kept lying to her. My advice to her, as well as more information on this subject follows.
Trust, is an integral part of a BDSM relationship. Without it, there can not be a relationship.
Both participants must be able to trust the other with their thoughts and feelings. WIth their vulnerabilities and strengths. Open and honest communication is a way of building trust, and is required in a BDSM relationship. This level of trust takes time to grow, it does not happen overnight. Trust will grow with consistent actions from both people and a good working level of communication. In this way, the people show that they will do what they say they will do. Unfortunately, in a relationship such as BDSM, trust can easily be broken if all parties are not open, honest, and communicate everything they think, feel and need.
I advised the reader that she should step back and take a look at the problem from a different view point. If her dominant was not being truthful about looking at the porn sites, it probably was because he felt she was not open minded or was too jealous of other women. I told her that she should sit down with him and have a very honest conversation about her feelings, but also listen to his point of view and the reasons why he liked to look at the pictures with an open mind. I asked her if he was cheating on her with other women (virtual sex, text messages, etc...) and she said no. The only thing he was doing was browsing pictures of naked women on the internet.
I told her to reconsider her stance on that rule. I saw no harm in him looking at naked women if he was not actually having cyber sex or other contact with women behind her back. In the world of BDSM, there are always going to be nude people or almost nude people, around. If she could be more open minded and accept the fact that her Dominant liked looking at pictures naked women, but was only having sex with her, then he would not feel the need to hide that part of himself. Having an outside person looking at the situation helped her understand that, the actual act of looking at pictures were harmless. In fact, some of the pictures might even give him ideas to try on her.
Second, no matter what the situation, everyone in the relationship has to be completely honest and open with the other. Sure, there are rules for the submissive that you will follow, but the Dominants have also usually agreed to some sort of even minimal guidelines. Those have to be followed or trust can be broken.
Third, remember that we are all humans and that relationships are fluid. Sure, you will know exactly the things that you will absolutely not do and can not tolerate (cheating for example) but you have to know that during a relationship, with time, people grow and change. You both should sit down once or twice a year and review the rules and guidelines that govern your relationship as a whole to make sure that no changes or additions are needed. If they are, make them together once everyone is in agreement.
Above all remember that Trust is a fragile thing. It takes time and honesty to build the kind of trust that is a corner stone to a solid, long lasting relationship. It can take only one small lie to break it.
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With Valentine's Day coming up in 8 days, we want to invite you to write a romantic/devotional/love poem or short paragraph about your partner (Master, Mistress, Sir, Ma'am, sub, slave, etc..) and send them in to us and we will post them here and on our main blog here, as well as our other ones on fb and Tumblr, on February 14th. We encourage you also to send a picture if you would like.
This can be a unique way to show the world your love and devotion to your partner.
This can be a unique way to show the world your love and devotion to your partner.
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I saw a movie years ago called The Stepford Wives, which I’ve been told is a remake from 1975, but I haven’t seen the original. The premise of the movie is that men have control of their wives by microchip and they even come with a remote control! The main character was an executive but is recovering from a nervous breakdown and she’s the one who finds out the truth about the women. The twist is, at the end of the movie, that the wife of the main “husband in charge” is NOT controlled, but rather it is her husband who is a robot! She wanted to recreate the 1950′s housewives because she thought it was the way women were meant to be as wives.
Want to know the truth? I couldn’t agree more!! Not the actual remote control part, mind you, but that a woman should be submissive to their partners/husbands like they did back then.
That’s probably a dangerous thing to say in 2013, though, because of the way most people (especially women) look at women’s “rights”. Feminists (non BDSMers) despise women being submissive. They see it as major steps backwards in all of the ground that their female predecessors made.
I see both sides and it is my opinion that a female should be able to choose how she lives her life without being maligned by other women. If a woman wants to work and be on equal footing with her partner, or have that partner even be the submissive one, then I don't see anything wrong with that. I, however, chose a different path.
I have been on both sides. I was in a high corporate position for many years before I quit and became a housewife. That was in 2004. I have to say that I was not happy with being a housewife for the longest. It was very hard transitioning from working 60+ hours a week to being a stay at home mom/wife. I do look back now and cherish every second that I was with my children. I was there for all the firsts and was able to shape their personalities in a much different way than had I still been working.
Another factor you have to take into account is the relationship. I was not in a good relationship then. But, for the past 1 1/2 years, I have been a 24/7 slave aka Domestic Goddess aka 1950s style housewife and I absolutely adore it. I do work on the internet but it is from the house. I do all the housework, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of every need my Padrone (Master) has.
Webster’s Dictionary defines to submit in this way: To give over or yield to the power or authority of another. Did you catch the word yield in there? A woman who is submissive to her partner/husband is yielding to him, not being controlled by him! Submitting is not the same as being a subordinate, which is defined as: Belonging to a lower order or rank; subject to or under the authority of a superior.
My Padrone doesn’t order me around like a military commander. He doesn’t demand anything from me because I already give him everything willingly. He adores and cherishes me. He treats me really well and he always puts me first (which does not equal getting everything I want, by the way). So, when he gives his view or opinion on a decision he has made for our lives, I don’t have to struggle, because I know he has our family’s best interest in mind. I never question his decisions. We talk about things – sure – but his word is the ultimate decision. When he asks me to do something, whether it’s to massage his feet, or that I bake his favorite cookies, I want to do it. I want to please him! It makes me happy on a level that I can not explain to do anything for him, especially if it is something he has asked of me.
Our relationship is based on the BDSM principle of Master/slave, but it's a much softer kind of dynamic than that of which is portrayed in main stream BDSM. He always comes first, no matter what I am doing. His wishes take precedence over everyone and everything, including my own. We do have what I would call a much stricter version of a 1950s style household, as he has rules and guidelines in place guiding every part of my life (where I can go alone, how far I can go, what I can wear, when I am supposed to check in, etc). But, even though it is always a 24/7 M/s dynamic, it also resembles much of a 1950s style home.
I want to share a magazine article from the 1950′s geared toward being a better housewife:
There are only a few things on here that are just silly – most are dead on!! The last one, “A good wife always knows her place”, has been made to seem like that place is a place of subordination, but it’s not. Yeah, I know my place. It’s as a well-treated, well cared for, loved and cherished submissive, whose Padrone is head of the house.
I think that back then, women enjoyed being women and doing womanly things more than they did today. They embraced their softer sides and rejoiced in being submissive to their Man.
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Many Dominants ask their submissives to write a journal describing their feelings, their growth and their wants and needs, along with their frustrations concerning their submission.
I myself, don't keep a journal because whenever I have any feelings, good, bad, or ugly, I talk to my Padrone about them. I have seen many subs do keep journals, so decided to do a post about it, mainly for newbies, explaining why. Hope this helps you decide if you will keep one or not.
While talking face to face may be the best way to communicate, sometimes this just isn’t possible. A submissive can be a novice, shy, embarrassed, or intimidated. With the age of the internet, distance can also be a roadblock in good communication. Dominants have to use tools to help the submissive communicate and grow.
As well as a tool for gaining insight, submissive journals can help teach you to open up and bring you both closer. By having to expose your thoughts and feelings to your Dominant - and having to trust Him with those thoughts and feelings - it can be a very powerful way of strengthening your connection. A journal should not replace the open communication between submissive and dominant. It should be used as a tool to build trust and skills in voicing the feelings a submissive has written about.
Why would you choose to journal? As a submissive you can write everything you feel and do it without being afraid of reprisal. It is an avenue that allows you to just say whatever you want, even mundane things. It can help you organize your own thoughts into a more comprehensive way or give you that different perspective on some situation that you need. If you are too deep into a situation, you usually think with emotions instead of logic. So, perhaps you will use your journal to analyze that particular situation more.
You can use it as a history lesson of sorts; while you journal your thoughts, experiences, and changing attitudes towards certain things. You might write about new likes or write about things you found you don't like as much as you thought you would, once you tried it.
Remember that your journal is always open for your Dominant/Master to read. don't censor what you write in it because of this fact. Think of it as a better and easier way for your Dominant to get inside your head and understand you better as a person and submissive.
If you are the Dominant, make sure that you do not let anything your submissive writes in the journal anger you. If you see that your sub called you bad names in it, you just have to ask them why so you can help your sub get on the same page and path as you are and understand better whatever situation made them so angry.
So, to write or not to write? It is a personal choice and totally up to the individual. I write many blog posts on things I come across in my daily life so I guess, in a way, this blog is like a journal and learning tool for others as well.
I myself, don't keep a journal because whenever I have any feelings, good, bad, or ugly, I talk to my Padrone about them. I have seen many subs do keep journals, so decided to do a post about it, mainly for newbies, explaining why. Hope this helps you decide if you will keep one or not.
While talking face to face may be the best way to communicate, sometimes this just isn’t possible. A submissive can be a novice, shy, embarrassed, or intimidated. With the age of the internet, distance can also be a roadblock in good communication. Dominants have to use tools to help the submissive communicate and grow.
As well as a tool for gaining insight, submissive journals can help teach you to open up and bring you both closer. By having to expose your thoughts and feelings to your Dominant - and having to trust Him with those thoughts and feelings - it can be a very powerful way of strengthening your connection. A journal should not replace the open communication between submissive and dominant. It should be used as a tool to build trust and skills in voicing the feelings a submissive has written about.
Why would you choose to journal? As a submissive you can write everything you feel and do it without being afraid of reprisal. It is an avenue that allows you to just say whatever you want, even mundane things. It can help you organize your own thoughts into a more comprehensive way or give you that different perspective on some situation that you need. If you are too deep into a situation, you usually think with emotions instead of logic. So, perhaps you will use your journal to analyze that particular situation more.
You can use it as a history lesson of sorts; while you journal your thoughts, experiences, and changing attitudes towards certain things. You might write about new likes or write about things you found you don't like as much as you thought you would, once you tried it.
Remember that your journal is always open for your Dominant/Master to read. don't censor what you write in it because of this fact. Think of it as a better and easier way for your Dominant to get inside your head and understand you better as a person and submissive.
If you are the Dominant, make sure that you do not let anything your submissive writes in the journal anger you. If you see that your sub called you bad names in it, you just have to ask them why so you can help your sub get on the same page and path as you are and understand better whatever situation made them so angry.
So, to write or not to write? It is a personal choice and totally up to the individual. I write many blog posts on things I come across in my daily life so I guess, in a way, this blog is like a journal and learning tool for others as well.
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The only thing that can truly bind
a submissive heart tight,
Is the guiding hand of a Dominant
from the darkness into the light.
It's not ropes or chains that truly bind,
It's the honor of service from deep within.
It's not a collar or title that make me stay,
It's the need I have, to serve Him.
To be a sub or a slave is an internal call,
If you don't feel that need, you will surely fall.
Bound flesh, can be forced to do their will
But your mind can never be forced to kneel.
You see, true submission is in your heart,
It is something you feel from the start.
A need to serve, to please and to bend,
Never wanting the feeling of submitting to end.
You soul is caught and you don't even fight,
Because being bound like this, you know is right.
a submissive heart tight,
Is the guiding hand of a Dominant
from the darkness into the light.
It's not ropes or chains that truly bind,
It's the honor of service from deep within.
It's not a collar or title that make me stay,
It's the need I have, to serve Him.
To be a sub or a slave is an internal call,
If you don't feel that need, you will surely fall.
Bound flesh, can be forced to do their will
But your mind can never be forced to kneel.
You see, true submission is in your heart,
It is something you feel from the start.
A need to serve, to please and to bend,
Never wanting the feeling of submitting to end.
You soul is caught and you don't even fight,
Because being bound like this, you know is right.
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While looking at many different BDSM submissive/slave profiles on various internet sites, the one thing that stood out over and over was the amount of people that refer to themselves as worthless.
I read deeper into them to try to see if there was more to it than just the normal self derision that most people think about themselves. But, shockingly, I found that a lot of people (men and women both) honestly think they are worthless and not worthy of being the dirt on the bottom of a shoe.
So, I pose this question to you, the ones that have this word WORTHLESS on your profiles and actually think this way, if you think you are so worthless, how do you even propose to say you are a BDSM submissive or slave? You see, in the world that I have inhabited for over 20 years off and on, no sub that meant anything to anyone, saw themselves as worthless. How can you expect to be the property of and make your Dominant proud, if you actually think you are worthless? You can't.
Yes, I know that many masochists are into humiliation, but this is a different mentality. I am not talking about being called the normal names that the harshist Sadists use on their subs. I mean the subs that actually see themselves as not worthy of being a sub or slave.
In the normal, vanilla world, worthless is a word that is widely used by bullies and abusers to mentally break down and torment their victim. I think many people that were abused in their early lives have brought that baggage into BDSM relationships and can't figure out why they keep getting uncollared or not ever being considered for a collar in the first place. That's because the majority of Dominants do not want a submissive that has that mental attitude.
Submission is a gift that when nurtured properly, can turn into the most wonderful and best lifestyle you can imagine. Learning your Dominant's likes and dislikes, rules and guidelines, protocols and rituals, all combine to make for a very interesting and wonderful journey, not only in becoming a better submissive, but also in learning the deeper inner part of yourself.
So, look at your profiles on the internet and if you do have the word WORTHLESS in it, please consider the actual meaning behind that word and think really hard if you want to portray that type of persona.
BDSM, Dominance/submission, S&M are all variables in this wonderful lifestyle we all are either learning about or actually living. There is no closer relationship that I know of than that of a Dominant and his/her submissive.
And that relationship is priceless...
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Just as the internet culture has opened up great new ways to communicate - it has also provided a whole new way for psychopaths to con and manipulate people.
Predators do exist and are a very real threat. They target both men and women of all ages and use the anonymity of the Internet to their advantage since they can be whomever they want. They look for people that are emotionally vulnerable and start to connect and manipulate them by relating to personal issues derived from problems that either occurred in the past or are currently happening. Just because we are geared towards BDSM as a community, does not mean that we are safe. We rely on honesty when dealing with our partners, but if you are just getting to know someone, do you really know that person?
Did you know that statistically speaking, 87% of profiles that contain adult content are fake? Do you really know if that person is real or not? Is the person on the other end you are telling so much real information about yourself a psycho?
I get many emails and have heard many stories mostly about subs (mostly women) that are so in love with their on-line cyber Doms, that they decide to sell everything, quit their jobs and pack up and move to where the Dom lives. But, do you really know that Dom? Why are you doing all the comprise and life changes? Is the Dom willing to come and move you? Do you have a back up plan? These are the things to think about if you are seriously thinking of making this type of move.
Before I continue, I have to say that I met my Padrone online and moved to Italy to be with him. But, he came to the USA, packed me up, paid for everything and we have been living together very happily for 1 1/2 years. There are many other tales of people that have met online and are either happily living together or married now. You have to understand though, that these are rare exceptions to the rule. I got very lucky that I met the person that completes me so well online. Most people aren't as lucky and pay a high price for not being more cautious.
Here are some tips to watch out for that can be a sure sign of an online predator:
Choosing a Victim
They study people thoroughly, and choose only those who will prove susceptible to their charms. The right victims are those that usually have a need or a void to fill, those who see something exotic in the Predator. The victim is often isolated or at least somewhat unhappy (perhaps because of recent adverse circumstances). The perfect victim has some natural quality that will attract the Predator. The strong emotions this quality inspires will make their seductive maneuvers seem more natural and dynamic. The perfect victim allows for the perfect chase.
They will Create a False Sense of Security
At first, they will just engage you in polite conversation. The seduction will begin in an indirect manner, so that you gradually start to connect with the Predator on a more personal and deep level. They will gradually move from a relatively neutral relationship to lover. They will start telling you things about their past and life that are all false, but make you relate to them on a more personal level. That is what creates the false sense of security.
They will Engage Your Friends to Use Against You
Few of us are drawn to a person that others seem to avoid. People gather around those who have already attracted interest. We want what other people want. To draw you closer and make you hungry to be possessed by them, the Predator creates an aura of desirability-of being wanted and courted by many. It will become a point of vanity for them to be the preferred object of attention. They will then 'pick' you out of the crowd of admirers. This manufactures the illusion of popularity by surrounding themselves with members of the opposite sex-friends, former lovers, present suitors, but also makes you feel extremely special because out of all the people, they chose you. The Predator may also create triangles to stimulate rivalry and make you crave them even more.
They will Cause You to Confuse Desire and Reality: The Perfect Illusion To compensate for the difficulties in their lives, people spend a lot of their time daydreaming, imagining a future full of adventure, success, and romance. If the Predator can create the illusion that you can live out your dreams with them, they will have you at their mercy. They will start slowly, gaining trust, and gradually constructing the fantasy that matches your deepest desires. They will aim at secret wishes that have been repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding your powers of reason. The perfect illusion is one that does not depart too much from reality, but has a touch of the unreal to it, like a waking dream. They will then easily lead you to a point of confusion in which you can no longer tell the difference between illusion and reality.
This is the point that they close the net and separate you from your real life friends and family. This is the time when you will likely make a major life altering decision to move to a different state or even country, just to be with them, to live the fantasy life they have created around you. This is where you really need to step back before you make any moves and evaluate the situation in its entirety.
Are you being honest with yourself about your real desires or are they just fantasies you really do not wish to live in reality? Are you willing to sacrifice everyone and everything to make a move to be with that person? Is the Predator asking you to sever ties with everyone and only focus on them?
I have talked to many that were pulled into online illusions by what I term as Master Players. They were manipulated to the point that they either did sell everything and pack up and get ready to move, only to have something happen in the 11th hour that caused all plans to come to a stop, or they were seriously ready to start the process of trying to make that major move and something came up to bring the victim back to reality.
You have to be cautious. You have to be aware. Yes, there are many times when you take all precautions and do everything you can and still, you get burned. But the one thing that I found that was a common thread to those that did get burned was that the giving was all on one side. The victims gave and gave and the Predators took and took. There was no 50/50 sacrifices. The victim (in every case I am thinking of was a sub) was always the one that either gave up everything or was about to give up everything just to be with the Dominant.
If the Dominant wants you badly enough, they will make as many sacrifices as you to get you there to be with them. If this is not the case, then it is probably not a real situation or will not turn out to be a good situation for you.
Remember, you are priceless, so be cautious and do not make hasty decisions.
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Over the past couple of weeks, my Padrone and I have had some really deep and ongoing conversations about how people in different parts of the world live the BDSM lifestyle.
He has challenged me to write an in-depth, multi-part mini series on how different parts of the world view BDSM - East vs West; culture vs religion. I decided to first, post my own personal observations about those I have encountered over the years.
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The next step in the evolution I normally come across are those that only play in the bedroom but don't get that deep into it, mostly experimenting with some type of bondage. These are people are completely vanilla, but have a pair of fake handcuffs or some type of velcro restraints in an attempt to spice up their sex life. Neither of them really have an interest in taking on a Dominant or submissive role and will take turns cuffing each other. They might jokingly share some of the playtime information with their close friends, but will not explore BDSM more. They probably do not even realize it could be part of the S&M scene.
Then you have those that actually have played and researched BDSM and do play a defined role, but only in a scene. They don't live a 24/7 lifestyle, but they do love the power dynamic, along with other parts of BDSM they choose to practice. They might throw in bondage, flogging, chains or collars. But most of their friends and none of their family will know about their interest in the lifestyle.
Lastly, you have those that live or practice a version of BDSM in a 24/7 setting. I am talking about the people that have a defined role and are always in that position. The sub/slave will most likely wear a collar anywhere he/she goes, in or outside the house. The Dominant is always in charge and his/her instructions are always followed no matter if the couple is working or together in the same room. They usually don't hide their lifestyle choice from anyone and their families know how they choose to live their lives. They don't care what society, family, culture or religion has to say because they do as they choose and feel that if you do not like the choice, then you are free to not be acquainted with them.
Now I have given you a broad spectrum of the people I have come across in my experience, I will write a little more in depth about this subject in the coming weeks. I hope the information helps you further along in your own journey.
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