This is a piece I wrote on my Facebook page about three months ago.
I have had a lot of questions lately about the hard parts and sexual parts of BDSM. So, I decided to expand this article in hopes to help enlighten the new people that either don't know about the softer side of BDSM or might not understand it. Feel free to leave your thoughts on the subject.
In
mainstream society, a teddy bear is used for comfort. We sleep with them,
cuddle them, and when we were kids, felt like we were safe at night, because
Teddy was watching over us. When you look at this picture, you might think "that's cute" or "what does a teddy bear have to do with BDSM?". I see a pictorial view of a different side of the
Lifestyle, a view that represents the mental and emotional connection of D/s.
BDSM is
most often portrayed in a very harsh and almost sinister way in pictures and videos of women in bondage, gagged and being flogged or whipped. With these kinds of images as the results from internet searches, it's no wonder that many people think bad about the Lifestyle.
Mainstream media never focuses on the softer side of BDSM. They don't understand and can't relate to the feelings a Dom and slave/sub have for one another. They will never understand or focus on how the Dom takes care of and protects His/Her sub. They will never know, write about, or show a Dom cuddling his sub after a scene or after making love. They won't show the adoration, love, and complete devotion a sub/slave feels for the Dominant. If they showed that, well, BDSM might become more acceptable to 'Vanilla People' (horror of horrors).
There are many erotica books for sale now, such as the 50 Shades Trilogy, that are based on the writer's perspective of BDSM. People buy these books/eBooks by the 100's and get only the view of BDSM is nothing but sex, bondage, and punishments. These are all based on fantasy and not reality. There are so many ways to have a BDSM based relationship, I encourage you to read and research real BDSM blogs and books on the subject and not base what you think you may know about BDSM on the erotica, fantasy books.
As a community, we all have our fetishes, kinks, and preferred method of practicing BDSM. Most images I find depict the sub/slave bound, restrained and gagged or being flogged. These images are beautiful and I admit I have a fetish for a woman in collar and leash myself. But, I have never come across a picture that, to me, does such an awesome job of interpreting the softer, non-sexual part of BDSM.
I love the sex portion, but nothing can compare with the feelings of love, devotion, service, protection, structure, guidance and acceptance I get from my Padrone, being His live-in, real life, 24/7 slave.
Share your
thoughts if you wish!
Michelle Fegatofi
Post title: " The Softer Side of BDSM "
About The Author
Post title: " The Softer Side of BDSM "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 12/01/2012 06:34:00 PM December 1, 2012
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Thank you for being part of our journey! And thanks for reading!
And you perpetuate this myth by posting a woman being bond by a teddy bear...lmao...i love it. Great Article!
ReplyDeleteMichelle- Belle
finally..! i feel the same way..
ReplyDeleteits not always hurt and punishment..
in-fact all that is rare..
its un-explainable love and possessiveness...
A someone who suffers from fibromyalgia (which is all about pain)and related problems, I cannot deal with the S&M part at all, pain being something I already have too much of, tyvm. And I would have difficulties with many bondage positions as well, though I would love to try others. What I would be in it for, would be this softer side, for I would gladly serve my Dom from sheer love alone, obeying because I truly wish to please rather than out of fear, enjoying the freedom that goes with trusting and being trusted in turn, knowing that he will help me to grow and become the best I can be.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your comments. I feel the same. I am not into pain, but do love a sting on the ass delivered perfectly everytime my Padrone gives it to me. There are so many different ways to practice BDSM, I just felt the need to portray the softer side.
ReplyDeleteVery true, and I think it is about time that someone starts advocating the soft, yet very powerful side of the Lifestyle. Imagine you are ''bound'' by a word alone. No ropes, no cuffs, yet your Master just simply says to stay put and dare not move. You obey with pleasure, waitting for further instruction. Yes, there absolutely IS a soft side to BDSM! I love the photo - it really portrays it well.
ReplyDeleteI actually have one of those types of Masters. I do whatever he says, how he says, exactly they way and when he says. I never question him. That is just how strong our bond is and how much we are devoted to each other, but also I am 100% submitted to him and it's such an awesome feeling. Thanks for the feedback and hope you visit often!
ReplyDeleteIt might be very helpful (especially for those that are new to the lifestyle- me included) if you could recommend some BDSM blogs and books that present a realistic view of things. I agree with you that fantasy books do not give a fair description of how d/s relationships really are but i find that the internet can be just as misleading. When i first started "researching" this type of relationships in order to better understand what i might be getting myself into, i was almost convinced to run the other way when 99% of the things i found online were depicting what i like to think of as the "extreme" side of the lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteThat is true. There are different types of BDSM, D/s, M/s, and Taken in hand relationships and all of them vary widely. I write of my own experiences as well as how I view it mostly. I have knowledge in a wide area of the Lifestyle, but doesn't mean I practice it that way. I am actually coming out with 2 books soon, first a revised version of BDSM Basics and the second is the 1st in a new series called Unveiled, but it is all about submission. Keep reading and you will see when they are published.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much. I read your post every chance i get and find them extremely helpful. Can't wait for the books.
ReplyDelete