Every year that I have been writing this blog, I write a year end resolutions post.Last year, I encouraged you to renew your connections with your partner and yourself. This year, I want you to learn to just be you, the real you!
I have had a year filled with many different health problems, helping others tackle their relationship issues, and dealing with other adverse situations. There are have also been many wonderful high points for me. Beautiful memories and events that have helped me grow as a person in both confidence and knowledge. I can honestly say that my followers and friends have really challenged me this past year by some of the questions they asked me to tackle but in doing so, I have broadened my thinking on many different subjects.
My Padrone has had to cope with my health issues this year that affected all aspects of our lives at some point. He has been my rock and shelter from the storms but also was my biggest supporter and fan. I gained a greater confidence in my writing as well as my body image with him just being his wonderful self.
I am not making any resolutions for 2015. I decided that this is the year that I'm just going to be me. Here are some things I know will happen not change. My weight will go up and down. I will have periods of time in which I exercise every day and weeks I won't. I will most likely have to deal with some type of health issue. I will have times in which I do not like my body and ones in which I think I look like a super model. I will have insecurities. I will grow and learn new things. There will be some down times but there will be many more happy ones. Padrone will always be there to support me, guide me, love me and take care of me. I will love, honor, obey and support Padrone. I know there will be rough patches in our relationship, but they will just bring us closer together in the end.
I ask you to make the resolution to just be yourself also. Don't try to make yourself lose weight because society says you have too. Do whatever you want to. Become confident in who you are, what you look like and try to love yourself. Don't make resolutions that you honestly know you won't keep. When you do make those and don't succeed, most of the time you feel guilt and that makes your entire outlook of yourself go down.
I hope that some of you will follow my example. I think it will make for a much better year and a happier one.
From Padrone Marco and I, we wish you all a safe, healthy, and happy 2015!!!!
Post title: " BDSM UNVEILED NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: Just BE You! "by:
The regular BDSM Unveiled Talk Tuesday will be back next week!
Malika's introduction of the video:
Figuring prominently into Atlanta’s Leatherbash (formerly the Mr. & Ms. Georgia Leather Contest) in 2011 and into the Women in Leather Legacy Conference (WILL) in 2012, DC was recognized at the Black Expressions Alternative Tastes Conference in 2012 for community service and at Black Beat 2014, where S/He moderated the Queer Roundtable. Daddi Cole is a civic leader in African American and LGBTQ communities, spearheading projects like the International LGBT Healthcare Awareness Ribbon, Bois Next Door and AGenda Benda's Justice, Inc.’s human trafficking prevention initiative.
S/He created Sex Positive Works as a vehicle for providing sex-positive life coaching, consultation, and education for consciousness raising around consensual Dominance/submission and other unconventional relational dynamics and living styles. To entertain & to enlighten, DC -a.k.a. Drag King LEGEND Rx- offers collage exhibition; community talks and workshops; and erotic demonstration/ performance, always embracing opportunities to collaborate with like-minded leaders in the field.
After five years of devoted submission, Daddi Cole's soko is now "in service" to the toddler who keeps the couple very busy. They also each birthed two children (now adults), all of whom are as brilliant as they are diverse. They reside in the eastern United States. Oh, and any gender pronoun is acceptable. As the little one says, "hers a boi."
Post title: " BDSM Unveiled Talk Tuesday Presents: Malika's Interview with Daddi Cole "by:
Post title: " Discovery - a BDSM Poem "by:
Question #1) "My Dominant is always on the road and I miss him a lot. I get depressed even though he tries to call me when he stops for a break. Is this normal? Do you have any suggestions for me to help me stay out of this funk and to feel better?"
- When you are in one of the really low times, put on one of his shirts and snuggle with his pillow. Ask him to buy you a special stuffed animal and snuggle with it.
- Keep his pictures on all of your electronic devices so you can see him anytime you wish.
- If you are in a mood to talk to him, but know he can't talk to you right then, send him an email or text message anyway. You might send him multiple messages before he is able to respond, but this way, it's kind of like talking to him. You are communicating to him.
- Ask him to make a weekly task list that has something specific for you to do for him each day. When you complete the task, take pictures and send it to him. The tasks can range from cooking special dishes, dressing up in certain clothes, writing, or reading about a specific subject.
If you love the feelings you get when you are on a leash connected physically to your Dominant, use your phone as a way for your dominant to know where you are at all times. Perform 'check ins' on Google + or Facebook. This way, he can track you wherever you may be, even if he is half way around the world. If you do not wear a collar at all times, outside the house especially, ask your Dominant to pick one for you that is acceptable to be seen in public places and could be mistaken as a piece of jewelry. The weight on your neck will make you feel connected and remind you of who owns you always, no matter where you may be.
These are only a couple of ways that technology can help you. If you read and research different apps on the internet, I am sure you find more ways.
For more information, please read:
Question #3) "My boyfriend wants to start exploring a Dominant - submissive relationship. Neither one of us has any experience except for what little we have read online. We don't want to get into the hard sex stuff yet and are more interested in the softer side of things. Can you give us a starting point? All advice will be greatly appreciated."
There are many things that go into the making of a strong D/s relationship. First, you have to know exactly what you are getting into. To do this, you need to read as much about the different ways to practice a BDSM lifestyle as you can. Gain a basic knowledge of the different roles and responsibilities. As you have no doubt seen in your limited searches, there are an infinite number of ways one can practice D/s. Find, read, understand and fill out a Limits worksheet. This will give you both an idea of what you want to do, not do, and might want to explore at a later date. Next, find a basic D/s contract that you can fill in. This usually lists out what each of you expect from the other such as rules, protocols, rituals, punishments, and other relevant information included in the relationship.
Always remember the foundations of all BDSM relationships are: Open, Two way communication; Honesty, and Trust. This means never lying to each other no matter the subject. Never holding back any feelings whether good or bad. And never giving the other person a reason not to trust you.
Here are links to posts I recommend for all new beginners:
Roles and Relationships in BDSM
The Differences in BDSM Relationships
Foundations of a D/s relationship
Limits in a BDSM Relationship
Punishments in BDSM
I hope you enjoyed this week's Talk Tuesday topics. If you have any comments or additions you would like to add, please feel free to leave a comment.
If you have any questions you would like advice on, send an email to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com
Post title: " BDSM Unveiled Talk Tuesday for December 9, 2014 "by:
Articles in magazines tout how better we will look and feel if we just exercise more, eat less, and try to conform more to the beauty standards set by the glossy magazines. Now, some things are true. If we eat healthier, using less grease and sugars, we do tend to feel better. But losing weight is not always a good thing, even if you are a BBW. Let me tell you why.
I have been a large woman, around a US 18/20, pretty much my entire adult life. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in my early 20s. Hypoglycemia is a condition in which a person suffers from low blood sugar and needs to intake more carbohydrates than normal. A person that suffers from diabetes is just the opposite. They have to watch their sugar intake.
I lived in the USA until I was 38. During that time, I ate out at various fast food places a lot, ate candy, drank sodas, and basically lived in junk food. My hypoglycemia was never a problem because of all of the sugars and extra fat I had on my body. I literally forgot I had it until after I had my first child. During pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight and was down around a size 14 after delivery. I noticed that I was getting dizzy spells, not feeling hungry, and craving really starchy foods like potatoes, rice and bread. When the symptoms didn't subside, I went to my doctor and they ran tests thinking I had developed diabetes. The positive test results came back once again for hypoglycemia. I went back to my old eating habits, gained all my weight back, and the symptoms disappeared.
Now, many years later, I move to Italy at the age of 38 to become a fulltime 24/7 submissive slave to my Padrone Marco. Naturally, since I'm in a new country, completely different food, eating habits, stores, ways that the packaged food in the grocery stores are processes, and many other factors, I start losing weight. Now, I didn't do it on purpose and I still ate whatever I wanted to. But because of the above factors, the transformation happened naturally. Fast forward 2 years and 5 months later, I am now in a size 12/14.
Now you are wondering why I am telling you this by now, aren't you? The reason is this. My hypoglycemia is back. The symptoms mirror that of my epilepsy in many ways, but differ also. I found that my dizzy spells got worse. My moods were grumpier. I never had an appetite for anything and I started eating more bread related food. At first, I thought it was my epilepsy acting up mire but it didn't fit the normal patterns or symptoms. Then I thought about what I was eating. I first thought it was from eating kits of things with sugar and drinking too much coffee with sugar in it. So, we switched to sweeteners and ate much less sweets. My symptoms got worse and my cravings for carbohydrates increased.
I then once again remembered the hypoglycemia that had given me so much trouble when I had lost weight after my pregnancies. I did the research and bingo! Reading the symptoms online was just like they had written my own story. Padrone did reading as well and now makes sure I eat something starchy every 3-4 hours. Slowly, we are learning how to keep it mostly in check with different types of food and frequency of eating times.
The reason I am sharing this with you is to prove to you that loosing weight is not always better for your health. When I was larger, I didn't have any problems with my heart or blood pressure and my cholesterol was only slightly elevated. I lost weight naturally and it made my health problems worse with the reemergence of the hypoglycemia. Pay attention to doctors, but mostly, pay attention to the signs your body is giving you.
Of course eating a healthier diet is smarter. It will be better for your body as well. But if you feel good and your weight isn't causing you health problems, then keep on eating and doing what you are doing. The most important thing is that you are happy. The happier you are, the better your life will be.
Don't let the pics that are plastered in magazines be your idea of beauty. Let the person you see in the mirror be the judge. Show the world a confident, happy, BBW and they will look on in wonder and think how beautiful you are.
If you are into the BDSM lifestyle, the same holds true. You have to be comfortable with your body because you don't want to disappoint your Dominant by being depressed and insecure about your weight or shape. You have to remember that if your Dominant didn't find you attractive and sexy, he never would have picked you to submit to him.
So, don't make a resolution to lose weight, make one that says you will learn to love your body and yourself as you are. Make a resolution to be happy. Make a resolution to be you and not something you see on TV or in magazines. Because you have to remember that you are beautiful in your own skin.
Post title: " Body Image, The Media, Health and More "by:
It follows Thanksgiving weekend in the USA. We celebrated it here in Italy also with lots of cooking and eating! Real life has been hectic the past week with the holidays and decorating for Christmas. Sorry for being late, but I think the wait was worth it! This week's topic's cover "A Shy Submissive", "Broken Trust", and "Sub drop".
Question #1) "Being painfully shy and also a single submissive it is difficult to find the courage to get out and meet people like myself. I became a ghost writer to be able to tell my stories to the world and am just now trying my hand at Erotic Romance... Though I am computer savvy I don't care much for the BDSM online scene at all, with chat rooms being like one big feeding ground. Is there any hope for me? I am on Fetlife following the local groups, but haven't spoken to anyone yet. Any advice for me?"
If you want a real life experience or relationship, I suggest start looking for a local Munch in your area. If you are too shy to go on your own, ask a friend to go with you. If that's not an option, contact the Munch organizer, tell her/he you're new and ask if he/she could introduce you around and help you get comfortable.
If you are only wanting to stay online for now, I suggest finding and joining several submissive support and education groups. Stay, watch and see if it's the type of group you want to be involved in. When you are comfortable, start participating. Many of these groups are great ways to learn more about the BDSM lifestyle by reading the different Q&As in them.
For more information:
The first mistake was not telling your Dom about your ex staying at your house. Whether in a BDSM or vanilla relationship, this omission is considered lying. Without trust and honesty, there can be no relationship. The first thing you should have done before agreeing to anything was to tell your Dominant the situation and ask his permission for the ex to stay. When you didn't ask his permission and hid the situation completely, you broke the trust. I don't have any magic answers or advice for this situation, unfortunately. It's completely up to your Dom to decide if he wants to take a second chance on a relationship with you. If he does or if you enter into a new D/s relationship, make sure that you have all rules, protocols and limits written down in a formal contract so you each know what to expect from the other. If you ever have a doubt on whether to ask your Dom something or not, always ask him. It's better to ask than hide something. Good luck either way.
For further information:
Question #3) "How to recognize sub drop when it is occurring and how to deal when one is alone with sub drop because their Dom can't physically be there for them."
There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.
- Recognize what it is. This is important, if you don't accept it for what it is, then you can talk yourself into a much worse state.
- Keep in contact with your play partner, tell them how you are feeling and seek reassurance from them that all is well. We all need to hear that we did good and that our partners enjoyed the scene as much as we did.
- Pamper yourself. Spend the day doing things you really enjoy. Long hot bubble bathes, manicures/pedicure, get your hair done. Anything that is going to help you feel better about yourself.
- Eat well and drink plenty of fluids. Your body is still in recovery process, so feed it well.
- Talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Find someone who can listen without judging and let it all out. If you need to cry do so, it's therapeutic.
I hope you enjoyed this week's topics. If you have additional information you want to share, please leave a comment below!
If you have a question you want answered or a situation you need advice on, please send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Post title: " Talk Tuesday for December 2, 2014 "by:
This week, the USA will be celebrating Thanksgiving.Families will gather together, eat some great food and just enjoy being together. Not everyone can be with their loved ones and some don't have anyone, so I hope this post helps those that are alone or far from families realize that there is still so much to be thankful for.
I live in Italy and am extremely fortunate to have a wonderful and understanding Padrone that helps me celebrate American holidays. My family are scattered all across the USA and I won't be with them this year, but they are all in my heart and thoughts.
There are always many things to be thankful for, even during hard, lonely, or dark times. Here are things I am thankful for every day.
- Friendships - Having friends that you can talk to, online or real life, is always important to have. Make sure you tell them all how glad you are they in your life.
- Health - this year there have been as many, if not more, bad days. I'm thankful for all the good ones as well as the medicines and doctors that are helping me to get better. I'm thankful for every day I wake up ready to greet whatever the day has in store for me.
- My Padrone - he is always patient and understanding. He is loving, encouraging, protective and guiding. Even though we both identify me as his BDSM slave, he allows me freedom to be creative and pursue my passions of writing and helping people. His quirky sense of humor and serious side is the perfect balance for my own personality.
- Family - even though they are all thousands of miles away, I'm extremely thankful they are all happy and healthy.
- Fans and Followers - I'm so thankful for my readers. You're encouragement, comments and questions keep me thinking and motivated to continue to help others in any ways I can.
- Basic Needs - Housing, food and clothing fall under this category. So many people these days are always thinking of what they want and not what they have. I am so thankful that all of our basic needs are met and grateful for any extras we have.
- Pets - or as I like to call them, fur and feather babies! Though they can be a pain and annoying at times, pets love you unconditionally and can fill you and your heart full of love. They can also take away loneliness for those that are alone.
I hope my own list of things to be thankful for have helped you realize that there are always things in your own life to be thankful for. May you all make your own list!
Happy Thanksgiving to all of my fellow Americans! And wishing the rest of the world love, peace, and harmony!
Post title: " Thanksgiving Thoughts of a BDSM Slave "by:
This week's topics are "Dominant's checking a submissive's tasks", "Am I submissive or slave", and "Talking during sex".
Question #1) "Should a Dom check with the submissive if the chore list is done or is it the subs responsibility to check in?"
It depends on the couple. Some Dominants like to micromanage their subs and inspect every part of the chore just to ensure it's done to satisfaction. Others don't trust their subs enough to believe them that they completed all tasks. Some submissives are lazy and really try to get away with cheating or taking shortcuts. These types of submissives need to be micromanaged because they are not trustworthy.
I believe that once trust is built and time together has passed that the submissive will prove herself trustworthy and the Dominant will know that she has done all the tasks as expected or better.
For more information, please read the following links:
Question #2) "Can you tell me if I'm a submissive or a slave?"
I do live as a consensual slave with my Master. I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for 23 yrs as both sub and slave. I also mentor people new to the lifestyle. So, speaking from my experience, only you can determine if being a slave is right for you. If someone tells you that you have to be a slave, it is not consensual, therefore not real BDSM, just abuse. You should also understand that many people have different definitions of what a slave is, their rules, protocols and boundaries. It’s up to you and your Dominant to determine what those are. If you fight your Dominant on many things, then you really do not sound like a slave at heart, but could be submissive.
There are many ways to be a submissive as well. I recommend you reading my blog www.bdsmunveiled.com as well as www.submissiveguide.com to further your understanding on subs and slaves. The more you read and research, the more knowledge you gain. If your Dominant keeps saying he wants a slave, but you really aren't slave material, then you need a new Dom. A Dominant is someone that is supposed to guide and nourish you. He should never push or demand that you be something you aren't. If he does, he is not a real dominant, but only a bully or abuser. So, please reevaluate your situation and do some soul searching after you read more about submissives and slaves and what exactly the different roles entail.