--> January 2016 | BDSM Unveiled

I always get emails asking how can I possibly live as a BDSM slave 24/7. I also get told that it's impossible to do it in today's world. I get others questioning like how do I balance being a slave while dealing with my epilepsy. Along this same line of questioning, I get the naysayers saying it's not possible because my illness takes up too much time.

Living as BDSM slave dealing with Epilepsy Reality

I do live as a very proud BDSM slave every single day of the week, month, and year. It's very possible and I've proven over the past 4 1/2 years it's very doable.  Of course, it takes constant work from both Padrone and myself but we want this type of relationship and we make it work. 

How do we balance 'normal life stuff' with our M/s dynamic? Simple. We each know our roles. His is Master and mine is as his slave. I always do things that make his life, and in reality both of our lives, run smoother and easier. I never do anything to hurt or antagonize him. He guides me and I listen. Sometimes I am a little hard headed but in the end, I always listen. We always tell the other everything, no matter if it is good, bad or ugly. We try to never use hurtful words to the other. We've learned to never raise our voices during a very rare disagreement.  

No matter what I'm doing, if he calls for me or asks something of me, I stop whatever I was doing and proceed to do what was asked with no complaints or grumbling. Why? Because that's the way a slave behaves and it makes me happy to do it. Every dynamic might not work like this, but ours does. I have no doubts about anything when it comes to Padrone. No reservations or hesitations. That's the kind of trust every slave should have with their Master. I know he would never use me in a way to hurt me or lead me down the wrong path. He always puts my welfare first. 

I have had so many problems with my epilepsy these past few weeks and have been unable to do many of my normal duties but I still do whatever I can. During my down times, Padrone is right there supporting me, helping me in whatever way he can, and just being there for me. He cooks, feeds me, helps me walk when needed, applies medicine to my back, gives me massages, and whatever else he thinks will help. Some people would see this as not being the role of a Master. To me, he is a perfect example of what every Dominant that calls themselves Master should be. He is not switching and taking on the role of sub or slave. He is taking care of his slave, his property, the one he values more than anyone else in the world. Me. 

Is it difficult to deal with epilepsy, especially the weird and ever evolving kind that I have? Yes. It's difficult to just try to live what most people consider a normal life. I have many duties that I consider part of my submissive tasks. Padrone has never assigned any specific tasks to me, I just knew what to do and do them. With the physical manifestations my epilepsy has forced me to deal with this past week, many of these duties have not been accomplished because I am just not able. 

While I feel extremely frustrated, weak, and somewhat of a failure, Padrone never once said that. He constantly tells me how wonderful I am, how brave and beautiful I am to be dealing with so much pain and limitations. He keeps giving me encouraging words that come from his heart because he knows they help take my feeling of failure as a submissive away. 

Being a slave doesn't mean I'm constantly bowing, kneeling, having sex, performing some type of bondage scene, being lead around on a leash, or cleaning the entire house with a toothbrush. That might be someone's reality, but that is not mine. Being a slave, the way we practice an M/s relationship, is anticipating every need Padrone may have. Cooking and cleaning to make him happy and comfortable. Staying by his side so that he sleeps better knowing I'm there. Snuggling and watching TV. Joking, laughing, loving, and living. It encompasses every part of our lives. 

Being his slave means that yes, I am his property. I am his to use and do with as he pleases, anytime he wishes. But I am not a doormat or a quiet mouse. I have my own personality, thoughts and feelings. He has his own way of doing things, feelings and thoughts. But, we are one of the lucky couples that compliment each other perfectly. Our beliefs are the same, our likes, dislikes, and morals are all very similar. He is the perfect dominant to my submissive. 

In good and bad health, no matter what the problem may be, we are always together, supporting and loving each other as best we can. Living with a chronic illness is not fun, but it does not stop me from being a slave 24/7. It may slow down certain activities, but I always do my best and I am always Padrone's slave. 

I encourage those of you that have a chronic illness to not let it get you down and discouraged. Deal with it the best you can. Stay positive and focused, and most of all never give up. You can live a full life and have the type of BDSM relationship you want even while dealing with health problems. You just need to find the perfect fit for you. Or, as Padrone says in his Italian accented English, "Find your purrfect feet!"

Post title: " My Reality of Living as a BDSM Slave 24/7 While Dealing with Epilepsy "
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If you have explored the world of BDSM, you may have come across many different terms, titles and categories to describe Tops and bottoms of the power exchange or power dynamic of relationships. In the last few years, a couple of terms have been utilised much more frequently than previously, namely “Alpha Sub” and “Brat”.

Alfa Subs and Brats: Real BDSM Terms or Buzzwords

While “Brat” has been around much longer than “Alpha Sub”, I will admit I do not agree with either term. I think that the very meaning of Brat goes against what it means to be submissive, as does the term Alpha.

If you consider the meaning of Alpha, it is defined as the leader, the dominant one, the head of the group. This is as opposed to the term Submissive which is defined as ready to conform to the will of others, compliant and obedient. If words and titles hold meaning for you, how can you use such an oxymoron? How is it possible to be a Dominant Leader that obeys the will of others? Am I taking their meanings too literally? Maybe. But to me and many other BDSM scholars, it just doesn’t make sense.

After researching the term Alpha Submissive, I found only a few references in some obscure articles prior to 2009. It seems that from 2009 forward, many people have picked up that term and started using it in various forms and meanings. The most used description is that of a woman that is dominant in every part of her life except for sexually. In my opinion, this is a Sexual Submissive or a Bedroom Submissive. But are we just talking semantics? Probably.

How and where did the term Alpha Sub come about? I haven’t been able to find that out. But Sexual Submissive and Bedroom Submissive have been used as terms to describe certain types of subs for at least 30 years and probably longer. They are not politically incorrect and they are not offensive. So why use such a contradictory term instead of the standard ones? I have come to the conclusion that perhaps it’s the fashionable thing to do. It’s a buzz word that many new people read somewhere in a fiction book or online and they think it describes them. Others that don’t like the word submissive may put Alpha in front of it to take away some of the meaning to justify their feelings to themselves. I am not a psychologist, nor am I a mind reader. But, this is the conclusion I have derived from the people I’ve talked with about this as well as my own observations throughout the Lifestyle over many years.

Brats are defined as a spoiled, annoying or ill mannered people. “Brat” is a descriptor usually used in a negative or contemptuous way. In BDSM, it tends to refer to a submissive with a reputation for talking back, being disrespectful or being mildly disobedient. Again, it may just be wording or semantics, but this would be used to describe a SAM or Smart Ass Masochist. SAMs normally exhibit the above behavior with the end goal of being punished to satisfy their masochistic side.

In the world of BDSM, a submissive is a person who is respectful and wants to please. Yes, they might have a playful streak, but it is one that is never disrespectful, never crosses that line and never seen as bratty behavior. In fact, a submissive would generally be mortified to learn that their Dominant considered them a brat. In my opinion, people who label themselves as Brats do not understand the true meaning of being a submissive; they don’t have the drive or the need to be truly submissive to a Dominant. These people think they are submissive because they like the kinky sex or the idea of it from what they have read in books or have seen in movies.

If you are interested in this subject, I suggest that you do your own research by reading books and blogs and talking to community leaders. Take all the information you get and form your own opinion. The one thing I do tell everyone is to keep your mind open to new possibilities and ways of thinking. Even if you disagree, at least try to see a different point of view with an open mind.

Post title: " Alpha Sub and Brat - Real BDSM Terms or Buzz Words? "
Red line

Over the past few years, I have had the privilege of mentoring and advising many types of people on BDSM in general, but mainly on submission within a Lifestyle dynamic. I have been asked all the normal questions of how, what, where, why as well as some that made me really have to think and pull the answer from deep within me.

True BDSM Submission

I have seen a huge rise in people making up new labels and definitions that, in my own opinion, have absolutely nothing to do with being a true submissive. Before you get mad,  just keep reading to understand what I mean.

Throughout human history, you can find records and pictures showing all kinds of kinky sex play, many being the origins of what is now known as S&M. Our culture has also always had a form of Dominant/submissive relationship embedded into it from actual slave ownership in ancient times to the 'men are the head of the household' of late 20th century America. Now, you have BDSM. It's always been Top/bottom, Dominant/submissive, Master/slave, and Switch (all gender neutral). You are asking what does the history lesson have to do with the Lifestyle? Well, if you do your homework, you will see that submissives have always been submissive.

1955 Good Submissive Wife's Guide

Let's step back into the typical 1950's American household. The husband worked. The wife cooked, cleaned and did everything to make her husband happy. If the wife did something that was outside the husband's house rules, she was usually spanked or punished in some other way, and I'm not talking abuse. But the wife would never step outside her submissive role that she had married into when she married her dominant husband.

These past couple of years have brought up all kinds of new terms and people trying to redefine what BDSM is, the roles, the dynamics, and the actual definitions of those roles. I have seen new titles such as Warrior Princes, Primal, Alpha Sub, and many more used in place of submissive or slave. By their very names and meanings, this is not how to describe a submissive, especially in a BDSM dynamic.

Yes, every relationship and contract is different. Yes, everyone's thoughts, rules and contracts differ widely. I read several times in groups on social media web sites that a submissive didn't like the punishment she was given. There was a submissive that acted out and enraged her dominant just to get a spanking. His punishment wasn't a spanking but corner time. She was mad about that and said she 'deserved' a spanking. Apparently she doesn't understand being a submissive, having agreed to punishments, that her dominant is the one that decides what is to be doled out at the time it's needed.

Fake submissivesTopping from the bottom

So many of the new types of submissives out there love topping from the bottom even though I don't think they realize it. One person wrote to me saying they did something they knew was against their rules, they got a punishment of spanking. As the spanking was being delivered, they went through a myriad of 'head spaces' from infant, to toddler, older child and then pre-teen. They said at the end of the spanking punishment, they threw a giant fit and felt worse instead of feeling better. First of all, a punishment isn't used to make you feel better. It's used to deter a submissive from doing that same wrong thing again in the future. A few red flags went up when I read about this situation. The whole 'changing head spaces' excuse is total bullshit to me. Unless you have a multiple personality disorder, there's no way you would be able to process going from one head space to another. Then there's the part where the sub was 'even angrier' after the punishment was delivered. You don't get mad after being punished for something you did wrong, especially when you understand you did break a rule. If this person were a true submissive, they would feel remorse and go out of their way in the future not to repeat that same thing.

It amazes me that I have read supposed submissives say they say No to their Dominants anytime they want to. If there is a valid reason, ok, no problem. But, if a sub is sitting on the couch reading a book, the Dominant asks them to go fetch a glass of water, the sub should put the book down, get the water, present it to their Dominant, and return to reading. There should be no bad feelings associated with it. If the sub asks the dominant to wait just a second for them to finish up a paragraph, then ok. But a flat out refusal for no good reason, only because they don't want to? That is absolutely not submissive behavior. That is a red flag sign of a fake submissive.

Red Flags warnings for Fake Subs

I have seen so many people calling themselves Warrior Princesses and Alpha Subs. These terms are not accepted in the real world BDSM community. Not in any that I know of. While Alpha Sub has been around for a while, its original meaning has become convoluted. People are taking it to mean they are a leader, one that bows down to no one. If you are that, then you are not submissive. Let's be clear, everything I'm talking about is within the confines of a BDSM relationship. You can be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but once you are in that role of submissive in a BDSM situation, you are submissive. You will present and act as a true submissive does.

To sum up my rambling thoughts, here is what I think a True Submissive is versus a faker. These are the traits that submissives in a BDSM relationship usually have when it comes to their dynamic with their Dominant.

  • Someone that feels the need to submit to another person
  • Someone that feels the pull and pride to serve
  • Someone that always speaks truth to their Dominant about their feelings and situations
  • Someone that doesn't bounce around from Dominant to Dominant every other week.
  • Someone that follows the rules and protocols set forth by their Dominant 
  • Someone that doesn't break the rules on purpose to goad their Dominant into punishment
  • Someone that learns from their mistakes and tries their best not to repeat them 
  • Someone that takes punishments with grace and feels moves forward without lingering bad feelings 
  • Someone that puts their Dominant's needs above their own 
  • Someone that always tries to anticipate how they can make their Dominant's life easier by doing things they were never expected or asked to do 

These are how I think of submissives. If you don't fit every line in the list above, am I saying you aren't a submissive? No. I'm just saying you might need to reevaluate your thoughts and your own place in the BDSM lifestyle. I am also not referring to Sexual Submissives. Those are people that only submit during sexual situations.

For a look into our beliefs of BDSM in general, read To Thine Own Self Be True .

Feel free to comment below and add your thoughts to this. I'm always open to hearing other's opinions, even if they are completely opposite of my own.

Post title: " My Thoughts on True BDSM Submission "
Red line


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