--> October 2013 | BDSM Unveiled

Have you had one of those days in which it seems that absolutely everything goes wrong? Well, join the club, because it has happened to me today!

Little miss Frustrated
The problem with me having one of these days is that I get so frustrated that I could seize or develop worse side effects from my epilepsy. I have very little or no patience with many things. That is one thing that I am learning, but have a long way to go. I know its not a good trait in a submissive/slave, let alone someone with epilepsy.

Patience: Empty Tank!
The first thing that went wrong is not being able to find a good, but free, offline Italian to English Dictionary that can be used on the Android platform base. After many hours of searching, I have concluded that it does not exist. Every one that I have found either require an internet connection or you have to buy them. Why not put a really good one out there for free? You would think that there would be hundreds out there because so many people are always looking for translations in the global market. Most translation freeware is completely online or uses cloud computing. Granted, its a fast, easy and probably cheaper way of doing things, but still frustrating for someone like me that likes to utilize current technology, but has no access where the classes are taking place. I have not given up searching, but have put it aside for tonight.

Grr.. I would crunch this laptop
The other thing that made me aggravated is that apparently, someone over on Google has a jealous streak because they are following me around in groups and spamming my links. Yes, you heard me! I have had a couple of the moderators from the communities tell me they have no clue who did it, but are looking into it. They un-spam my links and all is well. But is it still frustrating.

getting crazy with all this stuff online
After being frustrated with not finding the dictionary, and then finding out about the spam posts on Google, I feel as if most of my evening was wasted. I know it wasn't because I did get a lot of other stuff accomplished. But, (really huge sigh at this spot) its still frustrating.

wasting time being frustrated
Luckily for me, I have a very close and important person in my life that tells me to calm down, take a deep breath, and step away from the problem and look at again later. Padrone's advice is always spot on and I always take it. That's why I am here and not throwing computers or tablets out of a third story window. Just kidding! I would never do that. But, it was so tempting!

throwing the computer out of the window
I do have a point to all this ranting. Number One, it really does no good for people to get so frustrated and worked up on something that you can't either change or acquire right then and there. Many of us, as very busy adults in today's world, are constantly in such a state and may not realize it. I know I have met or encountered many people that are what most would term an asshole. But, if you take a step back and look at that person, and ask him, what's up, he might tell you all the frustrations he has encountered that have put him in that state.

boiling brain
Take a deep breath and look around you. See how you affect people and how you are being affected yourself. It's not good for your mental or physical health to get so worked up. Trust me when I say I know from personal experience! I know it's really hard to take yourself out of some situations that seems to have no ending in sight. But remember, there is always an ending and a new beginning. There always will be until the sun no longer rises or sets.

an end is already a new beginning
My second point is that while we take life seriously, we do need to stop and appreciate our surroundings. Be thankful for who is in your life and the fact that you do wake up every day. I am. Yes, I have issues with health, frustrations in life, disappointments and hurts,but I also have a deep unconditional love for Padrone that is returned just as much. I am making new friends and learning new things. I am doing stuff that I never thought I could do. Life is an adventure and even with downs, there are so many more ups. You just have to look and you will find them.

let it pass
So my point is just simple. Let the frustrations go. Don't get all worked up over stuff you have no possibility of changing. Put aside the anger and stress until another day. I know that isn't possible for all situations, but when it is, take the option. It will do you and your health a world of good.

Post title: " Have You had One of Those Days? "
Red line

In your exploration to further your knowledge of BDSM or D/s, you may have come across the terms submissive mind or mindset.
There are many varying definitions for this. Some believe that their minds are always in a submissive place. Others believe that rituals are what transition them into becoming submissive in their thoughts.

submissive mind

To me, a "submissive mind or mindset" is that place inside a person in which they always submit to another, maybe only one special person, but are always submissive to him/her. No matter what I am doing, when blogging, working on a new book, answering or interacting with my readers, or just normal housework, I am always submissive to my Dominant, Padrone Marco. His values, thoughts, guidance, and needs are always incorporated to everything I do.

Michelle Fegatofi Happy Sub Slave

It is not something that I force or have to set my mind to. It just comes from within. It is a natural thing for me to want to make Padrone happy and proud. It makes me happy to serve him, follow his guidance, ask for direction when I am unsure of how to proceed in something, and just to submit to his will in whatever I am doing.

Submissive Mind Proud Content

There is a common thought among those that do not truly understand the dynamics of true submission. Outsiders think submissives are doormats. Now, do not take my submission to Padrone as making me weak. Being submissive does not mean a person is weak. It means I chose to submit to him because of the bond, love and trust we share.

Here is the biggest factor in the mindset of a submissive. It is my experience that a true sub/slave has a natural focus that is centered on others. This is something that comes natural to him or her. Compare this with the common self-centered focus. One who attempts to serve while being self focused is going to have issues.

Internal Conflict when not natural sub

True submissives thrive on intense, intimate, emotionally-open relationships. When serving, submitting, or performing tasks, they are most at ease and happiest. A submissive in this mindset is usually playful, confident, willing and wanting to help others achieve that same state, and always naturally working towards making her Dominant happy.

Happy submissive

A submissive knows herself; every strength, every fault and failing. She is her own worst critic. And yet, this self-knowledge makes her strong. She is able to give more than most women. She is open and vulnerable in a way that most can never comprehend. But this is her freedom.

Submission is freedom

So, whether you have to switch from vanilla independent to being in a submissive mindset using a ritual, it comes naturally to you, or you have a combination of the two, remember one thing: As long as you are happy, and you are doing what makes you proud, having a submissive mind will lead you to that freedom only true submissives feel. 

Love, Pride, Freedom

Post title: " Do You Have a Submissive Mind? "
Red line

My new book, Unveiled - The Secret Submissive Within is now available for purchase in paperback! Just follow the link below. I have also offered it at a special discount if you purchase it from Lulu.com!


Michelle Fegatofi's Unveiled The Secret Submissive Within - non fiction educational book

Post title: " Unveiled -The Secret Submissive Within Now Available in Paperback! "
Red line

Over the years, I have been asked many questions about the BDSM lifestyle.
The questions ranged from D/s, S&M, to is BDSM normal. Recently, many have asked why people practice and get into BDSM. I have been asked advice by readers on how to explain why they chose to lead a BDSM lifestyle to their vanilla family and friends. Hopefully, my own explanation will help guide you in one of your own.

BDSM couple

As we all know, every person is different. People's likes, wants, needs, and desires vary tremendously. As a consensual BDSM slave, I can only speak from my own experience. I have always had a need to please. Even though I was raised by a very independent mother and neutral father, I have always believed that man is the Dominant one and head of the household. Men may consult their woman on important matters, but, in the end, they make the final decision. Why did I believe this when I was not raised in this fashion?

Padrone Marco head of house

I can't explain other than to say it's in my nature, the very fiber of what makes me who I am. When I found BDSM, a whole lot of things made sense. During my younger years, I shied away from dating for the most part because I knew what I felt wasn't "normal". After I became an adult and found the Lifestyle, I finally had a name to all the feelings I had felt most of my life. It was called submission.

Michelle Fegatofi consensual slave

Submission, or being submissive, in a BDSM or D/s relationship is more about fulfilling a need, not just a desire. For me, I get immense satisfaction from serving my Padrone Marco. The actual action of performing whatever duties He has given to me gratify my need to serve, but also satisfies an emotional part of me. It makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Seeing the joy and pride on Padrone's face when He eats something I've cooked, read something I've written, or is made happy by any of the other things I've done, fills me with an exaltation that is only achieved from my complete submission to Him.

love in bdsm

Submission is just one piece of a very complex puzzle that can make up a BDSM relationship. You have to remember that I have an emotional, physical, mental and some would say almost spiritual, connection with Padrone. Not every couple/group practicing a BDSM lifestyle has, nor do they want, the same type of connections that I have with my Padrone. There are some people that gravitate towards S&M simply because they need or crave kinky sex. Others use flogging and bondage as an emotional release and a reason to scream or cry, because they can't, or won't, allow themselves that much-needed release otherwise. 

flogging for emotional release

You also have the other side of the coin in BDSM, Domination. The need to dominate is also a natural need in some men and women. Not all women are submissives and likewise with men. Not all men are dominant. People, in the Lifestyle referred to as a "natural" dominant, are not bullies. They also do not shout out that they are dominants to everyone. They simply have a natural inclination to be dominant in every aspect of their lives. Like submission is in my nature, domination is in Padrone's. It's as natural as breathing to Him. 

Male Dominant

So, why do people practice BDSM? Because it's a personal choice that satisfies some inner part of them they can't get anywhere else. It gratifies their natural tendency towards domination, submission, or sadomasochism. Because it makes them happy and it is a consensual, knowledgeable choice. That's why. 

happy BDSM slave

I have lived vanilla and BDSM lifestyles and can say there is no comparison. Being a consensual slave has satiated my need to submit and serve one special Dominant. It has brought me happiness, fulfillment, and an internal satisfaction that is pretty indescribable. For me, I would and will never choose a different way of life. 

Michelle Fegatofi Happy BDSM Slave

Feel free to leave your own story, explanation, questions or just a comment! We love hearing from our readers!

Post title: " Why do People Practice BDSM? "
Red line

I was asked by a reader if it's normal for them to be afraid of their Dominant most of the time.

She said that he used fear as means to control her. I advised her that fear is not normal in an everyday situation, but can enhance scenes or sexual play if used in a responsible way.


Fear as it pertains to BDSM is a complicated topic. People in the vanilla world hear the words "I fear punishment" from a submissive, and take it automatically to mean "I fear retribution from my abuser". There is a huge difference between those two statements and situations. First, a submissive should and normally does fear punishment. Not just for the physical pain caused if the punishment is a corporal one, but for the emotional feeling of having displeased their Dominant. The submissive should never fear their Dominant will really hurt them. The second statement implies an abusive relationship in which the person fears for their lives and fears permanent physical harm. In the first situation, consent has been given from the submissive to the Dominant to punish if necessary. In the second situation, consent was not given and the retribution is not wanted. 

Afraid of Dominant

D/s relationships can create a closeness that vanilla relationship doctors would label "unhealthy" or "co-dependent". Some couples prefer to have extremely close, blended relationships and others prefer more distant partnerships. Attempting to have a close relationship with someone that is looking for a more distant one is a recipe for failure. Naturally, kinky people span this spectrum as much as vanillas. However, couples which identify themselves as Master/slave, owner/property, or even simply monogamous Dom/sub, tend to create their own world together, instead of a merely existing separately but maintaining a love connection.
Loving M/s relationship

Any sub or slave that is terrified and/or scared of their Dom is not in a BDSM relationship; they are in an abusive relationship. If you do something wrong and know there is going to be consequences and are prepared to accept them, that is a normal part of BDSM. But, if you are constantly walking on egg shells out of fear of doing something wrong, leave the relationship as fast as you can! You should do things for your Dom out of love, adoration and respect; but never out of shear terror. 

Afraid all the time

A true Dom will earn your respect before even considering taking you on as a sub/slave. You should receive some sort of affirmation from your Dom, at least periodically such as "you please Me" or "you are doing well in your role as My sub/slave". I do realize that there are relationships where the slave is nothing more than a possession, but the sub/slave still must respect their Dom and do things out of a respect, not fear. 

Love and praise

Fear, when felt, causes an adrenaline rush in the human body. This can make a person feel stronger, more aware of their environment, and even sexually aroused. Fear, when used in this manner, can indeed create a greatly satisfying encounter for the people involved. In this situation, fear is not detrimental. It is a heightening of responses in the participants. Within BDSM, a submissive may fear something new that they have not tried before, fear their own reactions to things, and fear the unknown. Take anyone and tie them up securely, blindfold them, and either lessen or remove their ability to hear, and the person will feel fear. This fear should not detract from the situation, but instead it should enhance it. 

Good fear

Remember, a BDSM relationship is not an abusive relationship. A Dom may "use and abuse" Their sub/slave just because they want to, but if she/he is constantly terrified of their Dom, they are in an abusive relationship. Trust your instincts. If you are afraid to be alone, just remember, there are plenty of true Doms out there and it's better to be alive in order to look for a true Dom, than end up hurt by an abusive person.

Let me hear your thoughts on the subject! Comment below! 

Michelle Fegatofi Bdsmunveiled

BDSM: Good and Bad Fear

Post title: " BDSM: Good and Bad Fear "
Red line

Researchers estimate that as many as 5 percent of Americans are currently in relationships involving consensual nonmonogamy — that is, permission to go outside the couple looking for love or sex.


The boundaries in these relationships are remarkably varied, with some couples negotiating one-off "swinging" or partner-swapping experiences and others forming stable bonds among three, four or five partners simultaneously. The latter is a version of polyamory, relationships in which people have multiple partnerships at once with the full knowledge of all involved.

poly love

Swinging or partner swapping is a non-monogamous behavior, in which both partners in a committed relationship agree, as a couple, for both partners to engage in sexual activities with other couples as a recreational or social activity. 
Swinging can take place in a number of contexts, ranging from a spontaneous sexual activity at an informal social gathering of friends to planned or regular social gatherings to coupling with like-minded couples at a swingers' club.


The term wife swapping, once considered to be equivalent to "swinging", is now criticized as being androcentric and not accurately describing the full range of sexual activities in which couples may take part, but the term continues in use, and reflects the origins of the concept whereby husbands were viewed as initiating an informal partner swap.

poly relationships examples

In our modern culture, swinging, or "mate-swapping" -- engaging in sexual activities with people outside your marriage -- is mostly seen as strange or deviant. But is it? And is it always a bad thing, or a sign of "trouble" in a marriage? Free love and sexual experimentation were pushed to the forefront in the 1960s, and we have all heard of the "key parties" of the 1970s. 
The current studies on swinging do not vary much from the studies of the past: married couples are still swinging for the same reasons, and both the benefits and negative effects don't seem to have changed much at all over the decades.

poly relationships examples 2

So who is doing all of this swinging? Studies have shown that demographically, swingers cut across all political identifications, come from the middle- to upper-class, have a higher degree of education, have white-collar jobs and are white and middle-aged.

The benefits of swinging include increased marital satisfaction. In a 2000 online survey of 1,092 swingers, Bergstrand and Williams found that communication, independence and relationship-revitalization were reasons people gave for why they continued to swing. The swingers studied also seemed to have higher general satisfaction and more excitement in their lives than non-swingers.


Polyamory, meaning "many" or "several" "love", is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It is distinct from swinging (which emphasizes sex with others as merely recreational) and may or may not include polysexuality (attraction towards multiple genders and/or sexes).


Polyamory, often abbreviated as poly, is often described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy." The word is sometimes used in a broader sense to refer to sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive, though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies; an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic.

The term "polyamorous" can refer to the nature of a relationship at some point in time or to a philosophy or relationship orientation (much like gender or sexual orientation). It is sometimes used as an umbrella term that covers various forms of multiple relationships; polyamorous arrangements are varied, reflecting the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved. 

multiple love

The concept of polyamory is often misunderstood by the general public and the media. Tell someone you are polyamorous and it conjures images for the average person of swing parties and clubs with people getting it on in dark corners or polygamous families with men controlling unhappy sister wives and lots of children. These images perpetuated by Hollywood are not polyamory, nor do they even represent the swing lifestyle or polygamy accurately. When it come to families and polyamory, there is even more confusion. Most people don't understand people when they say their children have been raised in a poly family.

Society largely associates swinging and polyamory as cheating. According to the dictionary, cheating means "fraud, deceit, swindling." In other words, cheating is to convey through deliberate action the impression that one is of a particular nature while one is, in fact, something quite different. What this boils down to with polyamory is that polyamorous people do not tell partners, lovers, or prospective members of those groups that they are monogamous when in fact they are not -- nor do they allow these people to assume they are monogamous, regardless of how convenient or personally advantageous such assumptions might be. 
The words "honest", "negotiate", "communication" and "being out" occur frequently in discussions of how polyamory usually works.

polyamory symbol

As you can see, just as in any BDSM relationship, complete honesty, negotiation, and communication seem to be key in having a long lasting and strong relationship. During my research, I came across many swingers and poly families that had been very happy for decades. I also found others that didn't last that long. 
Being a couple, swingers, or poly is no guarantee that you will always have a happy ending or continuation in your relationship.

So, now that you know the difference in swinging and polyamory, what are your thoughts? Let me hear from you below!

Post title: " Swinging, Swapping, Polysexuality, Polyamory-Polyamorus (or Poly) relationships "
Red line

Blog Archive

Website developed and optimized by Marco Belcastro Bara
Powered by Blogger.com

2012- All rights reserved Protected by Copyscape

All articles-posts are Copyrighted BDSM Unveiled. Original BDSM Lifestyle Content - BDSM Relationships and may not be reproduced on other websites without permission

All logos, trademarks and trade names are the property of their respective owners and used here for identification purposes only

Some photos that appear on this site might be copyrighted by their respective owners.

If you own the rights to any of the images and do not wish them to appear here please contact us and the images will be promptly removed. Thanks!