I rarely post multiple things, but I have been reading a couple of follower
emails and comments on various pages I contribute to. I think there is a big
confusion among newbies to BDSM or D/s that do not know the difference between
true BDSM and abuse. I hope this helps clear it up for you. If you feel
threatened in a bad way, if your submission is forced or something about the
relationship makes you think or feel bad all the time and you get no comfort
from it, it is more likely abuse than an BDSM relationship.
abused submissive |
Loving D/s relationship |
Telling
the Difference between Consentual BDSM and abuse:
- Restraints. Abusers tend to restrain their victims with fear and intimidation, not safety clips and quick releases.
- The availability of mentors, reference materials and technical guides.
- SM rarely results in facial marks or marks that are received on the forearms (defensive marks).
- There is usually an even pattern of marks if it is SM, indicating the bottom held quite still during the stimulation.
- The marks are often quite well-defined when inflicted by a toy like cane or whip, whereas in abuse there are blotches of soft-tissue bruising, randomly distributed.
- The common areas for SM stimulation is on the buttocks, thighs, back, breasts, or the genitals. The fleshy parts of the body can be stimulated intensely and pleasurably.
- D/s is about the building of a trusting relationship between two consenting adult partners.
- Abuse is about the breach of trust between an authority figure and the person in their care.
- D/s is about the mutual respect demonstrated between two enlightened people.
- Abuse is about the lack of respect that one person demonstrates to another person.
- D/s is about a shared enjoyment of controlled erotic pain and/or humiliation for mutual pleasure.
- Abuse is about a form of out-of-control physical violence and/or personal or emotional degradation of the submissive.
- D/s is about loving each other completely and without reservation in an alternate way.
- Abuse is hurtful. It is also very damaging emotionally and spiritually to the submissive.
- D/s frees a submissive from the restraints of years of vanilla conditioning to explore a buried part of herself.
- Abuse binds a submissive to a lonely and solitary life of shame, fear and secrecy... imprisoning her very soul.
- D/s builds self-esteem as a person discovers and embraces their long hidden sexuality.
- Abuse shatters and destroys a person's self-esteem and leaves self-hatred in its place.
Post title: " BDSM vs ABUSE "
About The Author
Post title: " BDSM vs ABUSE "
Posted by Anonymous at 12/11/2012 11:37:00 PM December 11, 2012
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excellent post.
ReplyDeleteshivers as i get done reading. Thank You for posting this it is quite informative and enlightening and really really scarey.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I hope it helps people to recognize the differences.
ReplyDeleteIt helped clear some things up on my end at least now i don't feel quite so crazy.
DeleteThis should be a 'must read' for all people involved in BDSM.Thank you~!
ReplyDeleteThank you May.
ReplyDeleteThis so clearly illustrates the differences that even a vanilla would be able to understand it. Thank you.
ReplyDeletemany guys are reluctant to dominate women for fear of called out on abuse...this will help clarify the difference
ReplyDeleteVery informative article and well written. Thank you!
ReplyDelete