ou gracefully descend into the perfect required position and hold it, perfectly.
You always follow every single rule and never make a mistake. You never let any bad or down feelings come into your thoughts. You always are ready to serve, sexually, mentally, physically, or whatever other way is required. You never get sick. You never get tired. You never cry or whine. Your body is the perfect shape and you are in perfect health. You are the perfect submissive...
OK! Back to the REAL WORLD! That little paragraph would be what I call a summary of sorts from all of the fantasy BDSM erotica books that I have read over the past 10 years or so. In every book, the sub is a mess up front, but comes out the perfect submissive by the end of the book. That is total crap. We are humans first and foremost. No human can be, or ever will, be perfect. We can strive and strive to attain this high pedestal but will forever fall short.
So, now we are all in reality, how can we become as 'perfect' a submissive as we can get? You have to constantly keep your mind open for new possibilities and realities. You have to attain knowledge and never stop learning. You also have to accept that you will never be perfect and you will never know it all. There is simply too much to know for anyone to know everything about the Lifestyle.
Here is a list I like to think that if followed, will help you balance reality versus fantasy and not be so frustrated about being 'perfect'.
- Accept and learn to love your imperfections. (mentally, emotionally, and physically) Just because you do not have a model's body, does not mean you are not beautiful. Everybody can feel sexy and beautiful, no matter your shape or height.
- Always remember knowledge is power, so never stop learning and reading.
- Know your limits but be open to new adventures. When I say limits, I mean physical, mental, emotional, and also scene wise. If you have asthma, you know you can't participate in breath play or many types of bondage. Be up front with your Dominant so there are no accidents. Be open to try new types of play or toys though. Also be open to new rules that your Dominant may add.
- Always be honest with yourself and keep your feet planted firmly in reality. We have a tendency to get caught in the fantasy world of being a submissive, but the realities are so much different. Sure, you can get lost during play time because your Dominant will be there to catch you. Make sure you know and understand the realities that your duties as a submissive may involve.
- Accept that you will have emotional responses to things that may not be good or make sense. Jealousy is a very big one that can ruin the trust of a D/s or M/s relationship. Keep it in check. Never do anything to provoke your Partner to get jealous for no reason, but also, make sure if you do feel jealous, you discuss it with your Dominant first, before acting out in a way that could get you released. It is also OK to feel frustration, anger, disappointment, or sadness. Subs do feel the full range of emotions at one time or another. It's how you deal with them that makes the difference.
- It is OK to be tired or sick. We all get this way sometimes. If you are too tired or sick serve your Dominant as you would like to, tell them. It will probably be obvious to the Dominant, but it does not hurt to let them know exactly what is wrong with you. They are not mind readers. Remember though, do not use this as an excuse for laziness! I have epilepsy and still manage to serve my Padrone many times even if I am not feeling well. He usually has to make me sit or lay down. Dominants do not like lazy subs.
- Always communicate openly and honestly with your Dominant. Never keep secrets (unless its about a surprise party or something like that) from them. You expect your Dom to be the same with you so you have to be also. Always tell them exactly how you feel, how you are, or what is on your mind. Make sure you do it at appropriate times and in appropriate ways.
- Never disrespect your Dominant or yourself. In public, private, or alone, always respect others.
- Do not let pride get in your way. You are never too good for anything your Dominant asks of you. Remember there is a difference between value and belief system making you question a task, versus the 'I'm too good' to do something task.
- Stay true to yourself, to who you are and what you believe.
- Be Happy. If you are not happy with yourself, you can not make your Dominant happy. People do not like to be around others that are constantly complaining about being miserable. It brings everyone down. Before you try to submit to someone and make them responsible for your happiness, remember that to be happy, it starts inside yourself.
Remember that you are perfect with all of your imperfections. And remember, the “perfect” submissive is one willing to submit and accept the control of another in their life while also growing into someone who can intelligently fulfill the accepted desires and hopes of the Dominant to the satisfaction and enjoyment of both.
Post title: " Are You the "Perfect" Submissive? "by:
About The Author
Michelle has been in and around the BDSM Lifestyle for over 20 years as a submissive/slave. She mentors and advises new people, as well as writes educational books and blogs on different subjects from a submissive point of view.
She shares her own life experiences and incites in hopes of inspiring others.
Post title: " Are You the "Perfect" Submissive? "
Posted by Michelle Fegatofi at 1/09/2013 11:39:00 PM January 9, 2013