Practicing tolerance requires a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions, beliefs, and practices that differ from your own. It is giving to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself. Put simply, tolerance means keeping an open mind when interacting with others who are different from you, and treating everyone with respect and compassion, even when you don't share their opinions or values.
I was looking through my friends and followers lists on FB and G+ today and was absolutely amazed by the wide variety of people I saw there! Men, women, transgenders, cross dressers, gay, straight, bisexual and every race, country, and religion you could imagine. It amazes me more and more each time I stop and think how blessed I am to have each and every one of you in my life. Having a broad range and variety of followers, friends and family gives me hope for the future of this world and for the BDSM Community itself.
Have you ever been scrolling through a BDSM related web page or site and come across activities that you would never do? Or, have you ever seen a picture that caught your eye and you stopped to read the comments and saw where someone wrote disparaging or just completely rude/abusive remarks? Don't be that person! Remember, as a part of the BDSM community, you should have a very open mind, even though that may mean you don't practice every attribute that is under the BDSM umbrella.
I have heard and seen many of these types of intolerant comments around the internet from people that say they themselves practice an alternative lifestyle. How can this be? How hypocritical! Just because someone lives or practices BDSM in a different way does not mean it's wrong. BDSM is a very large umbrella with an infinite number of combinations. I, as well as most other practitioners of the Lifestyle, advocate a policy that states if everything is consensual and everyone involved understands all that is going on, then nothing done is wrong.
There are many things that fall under a BDSM category that I would never do or practice, but obviously many in the world would; just as there are ways in which Padrone and I practice our own approach to a M/s Lifestyle. Tolerance should not be something we have to think about, it should just be something we automatically do.
As practitioners and advocates of what is known in the mainstream community world wide as a deviant lifestyle, we have an inherent understanding of what it means to deal with intolerance from others. Don't be that person! If you see something you disagree with and want to comment on, make sure that you do so in a manner that can't be misconstrued to be rude or antagonizing. If you have a different point of view to argue, do it to get the point across without causing adverse feelings in others. Remember, Tolerance also begins with language. Rather than using evaluative/judgmental words like good/bad, right/wrong learn to use words like different or unique.
If you don't agree with certain practices in the community, ignore it and don't practice it. But, keep an open mind for those that do like and practice certain aspects consensually. Help show the mainstream world that even though we are a huge and different group, we stand together united. Develop your sense of adventure. Without diversity, life would be dull, boring and very predictable. It is exactly the differences that others bring to our life, that enrich us.
Hold on to what is good about you. Hold on to what is good about those you meet. And enjoy the freedom and enjoyment that comes with practicing open mindedness and tolerance each and every day. And hopefully others will meet you with the same open mindedness and tolerance.
I was looking through my friends and followers lists on FB and G+ today and was absolutely amazed by the wide variety of people I saw there! Men, women, transgenders, cross dressers, gay, straight, bisexual and every race, country, and religion you could imagine. It amazes me more and more each time I stop and think how blessed I am to have each and every one of you in my life. Having a broad range and variety of followers, friends and family gives me hope for the future of this world and for the BDSM Community itself.
Have you ever been scrolling through a BDSM related web page or site and come across activities that you would never do? Or, have you ever seen a picture that caught your eye and you stopped to read the comments and saw where someone wrote disparaging or just completely rude/abusive remarks? Don't be that person! Remember, as a part of the BDSM community, you should have a very open mind, even though that may mean you don't practice every attribute that is under the BDSM umbrella.
I have heard and seen many of these types of intolerant comments around the internet from people that say they themselves practice an alternative lifestyle. How can this be? How hypocritical! Just because someone lives or practices BDSM in a different way does not mean it's wrong. BDSM is a very large umbrella with an infinite number of combinations. I, as well as most other practitioners of the Lifestyle, advocate a policy that states if everything is consensual and everyone involved understands all that is going on, then nothing done is wrong.
There are many things that fall under a BDSM category that I would never do or practice, but obviously many in the world would; just as there are ways in which Padrone and I practice our own approach to a M/s Lifestyle. Tolerance should not be something we have to think about, it should just be something we automatically do.
As practitioners and advocates of what is known in the mainstream community world wide as a deviant lifestyle, we have an inherent understanding of what it means to deal with intolerance from others. Don't be that person! If you see something you disagree with and want to comment on, make sure that you do so in a manner that can't be misconstrued to be rude or antagonizing. If you have a different point of view to argue, do it to get the point across without causing adverse feelings in others. Remember, Tolerance also begins with language. Rather than using evaluative/judgmental words like good/bad, right/wrong learn to use words like different or unique.
If you don't agree with certain practices in the community, ignore it and don't practice it. But, keep an open mind for those that do like and practice certain aspects consensually. Help show the mainstream world that even though we are a huge and different group, we stand together united. Develop your sense of adventure. Without diversity, life would be dull, boring and very predictable. It is exactly the differences that others bring to our life, that enrich us.
Hold on to what is good about you. Hold on to what is good about those you meet. And enjoy the freedom and enjoyment that comes with practicing open mindedness and tolerance each and every day. And hopefully others will meet you with the same open mindedness and tolerance.
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Welcome back to BDSM Unveiled's Talk Tuesday!
We hope that we bring you many new and insightful things and inspire you to think outside your own box! This week's post touches three very different subjects: Pet play versus Furries, Feminist and Submissive, Slave or submissive - is one better than the other.
Question #1) "I am wondering if pets are the same as furries. I read about the furry convention in which someone set off a smoke bomb in the hotel where the event was taking place. Some were kittens, puppies, etc. In BDSM are the pets that some Dominants have also furries in that they act and dress like the small animal that the Dominant has identified?"
The furry genre (sometimes referred to as a meta-genre) is based on the idea of fantasy animal characters, rather than any one type of fiction. Any title in any form of media can be considered relative to the furry genre simply by having a fantasy animal character in it. Such characters are most often seen in cartoons, comics, science fiction, allegorical novels, Gothic horror movies, commercials and video games. People like to dress up as one of these characters and take on that personality while hiding who they really are.
Pet Play or Animal roleplay may be either a non-sexual or an erotic sexual role-play (when it may also be called petplay, ponyplay, ponyism or pup-play). In its erotic sexual role-play form, one or more of the participants takes on the role of a real or imaginary animal in character, including appropriate mannerisms and behavior, and sometimes a partner will act as another animal or in a sexual context may take the role of rider, trainer, or caretaker (or even breeding partner).
I have never seen the two subcultures mixed. Those who practice BDSM Pet Play are normally solely in that role while those who are in to the Furry Culture usually participate solely in that role. While there are undoubtedly some people who dabble in both scenes, they do not mix and are completely separate.
Question #2) "I am a modern woman. I take care of myself just fine. I work, pay my bills, and have always made my own way. But, when I read the erotica BDSM books, I want a relationship like that. Can I have that and still maintain who I am?"
The answer lies within yourself. It depends on what type of relationship you are looking for exactly. Do you want the kink that most of the erotic books detail out or are you looking for something deeper that would make you a submissive in other instances of your life, other than just during sex? I encourage you to read blog posts from real life submissives and try to start understanding what their role is exactly and also really ask yourself what you really want from a relationship. That is the only way you will be able to decide if you want to maintain some kind of interdependence or if you want to explore a deeper form of submission.
Question #3) "Are slave submissives better than just plain submissives?"
The first thing I would say is that there is no such thing as a 'plain submissive'. There are so many levels, layers, and forms to submission that you can't begin to say one is better than another. A slave is just a deeper form of submission than a submissive. It is not better or worse in any way, just different. If you want to be a submissive, you should not focus on what category you think you fit into, but focus instead on what you want and expect out of a D/s relationship.
I hope you have gained some new knowledge or insight in to the above subjects and add to your own wealth of knowledge. If you have anything to add to the above conversation, please leave a comment!
Do you have a question of your own you would like to ask me? If so, send an email to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com.
We hope that we bring you many new and insightful things and inspire you to think outside your own box! This week's post touches three very different subjects: Pet play versus Furries, Feminist and Submissive, Slave or submissive - is one better than the other.
Question #1) "I am wondering if pets are the same as furries. I read about the furry convention in which someone set off a smoke bomb in the hotel where the event was taking place. Some were kittens, puppies, etc. In BDSM are the pets that some Dominants have also furries in that they act and dress like the small animal that the Dominant has identified?"
The furry genre (sometimes referred to as a meta-genre) is based on the idea of fantasy animal characters, rather than any one type of fiction. Any title in any form of media can be considered relative to the furry genre simply by having a fantasy animal character in it. Such characters are most often seen in cartoons, comics, science fiction, allegorical novels, Gothic horror movies, commercials and video games. People like to dress up as one of these characters and take on that personality while hiding who they really are.
Pet Play or Animal roleplay may be either a non-sexual or an erotic sexual role-play (when it may also be called petplay, ponyplay, ponyism or pup-play). In its erotic sexual role-play form, one or more of the participants takes on the role of a real or imaginary animal in character, including appropriate mannerisms and behavior, and sometimes a partner will act as another animal or in a sexual context may take the role of rider, trainer, or caretaker (or even breeding partner).
I have never seen the two subcultures mixed. Those who practice BDSM Pet Play are normally solely in that role while those who are in to the Furry Culture usually participate solely in that role. While there are undoubtedly some people who dabble in both scenes, they do not mix and are completely separate.
Question #2) "I am a modern woman. I take care of myself just fine. I work, pay my bills, and have always made my own way. But, when I read the erotica BDSM books, I want a relationship like that. Can I have that and still maintain who I am?"
The answer lies within yourself. It depends on what type of relationship you are looking for exactly. Do you want the kink that most of the erotic books detail out or are you looking for something deeper that would make you a submissive in other instances of your life, other than just during sex? I encourage you to read blog posts from real life submissives and try to start understanding what their role is exactly and also really ask yourself what you really want from a relationship. That is the only way you will be able to decide if you want to maintain some kind of interdependence or if you want to explore a deeper form of submission.
Question #3) "Are slave submissives better than just plain submissives?"
The first thing I would say is that there is no such thing as a 'plain submissive'. There are so many levels, layers, and forms to submission that you can't begin to say one is better than another. A slave is just a deeper form of submission than a submissive. It is not better or worse in any way, just different. If you want to be a submissive, you should not focus on what category you think you fit into, but focus instead on what you want and expect out of a D/s relationship.
Do you have a question of your own you would like to ask me? If so, send an email to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com.
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I'm very proud to announce that BDSM Basics for Submissives - Dealing with the Emotional and Mental Side of Submission has been nominated for the Golden Flogger award!
It is a great honor for me and Padrone Marco and was very unexpected. To see all the list of nominees, click this link bdsmwriterscon.com/nominees.
You can get your copy of the book at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Apple iBookstore, Kobo.com, and Google Play.
The winners will be announced at the BDSM Writers Con in NYC in August. Although we are not sure if we will be able to attend this year, I encourage you all to register and go if you can. Some of the events will include Workshops & Live Demos, BDSM Club Night, Award Ceremony, Author–Reader Mix & Mingles, BDSM Book Fair, and Between The Covers Erotic Reading Series.
BDSM Writers Con was founded by Dr. Charley Ferrer, who is a world renowned Clinical Sexologist and Sex Therapist. She is the first Latina Doctor of Human Sexuality in the US. She is the award winning author of over thirteen books on self-empowerment, women’s sexuality, and BDSM.
It is a great honor for me and Padrone Marco and was very unexpected. To see all the list of nominees, click this link bdsmwriterscon.com/nominees.
You can get your copy of the book at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Apple iBookstore, Kobo.com, and Google Play.
The winners will be announced at the BDSM Writers Con in NYC in August. Although we are not sure if we will be able to attend this year, I encourage you all to register and go if you can. Some of the events will include Workshops & Live Demos, BDSM Club Night, Award Ceremony, Author–Reader Mix & Mingles, BDSM Book Fair, and Between The Covers Erotic Reading Series.
BDSM Writers Con was founded by Dr. Charley Ferrer, who is a world renowned Clinical Sexologist and Sex Therapist. She is the first Latina Doctor of Human Sexuality in the US. She is the award winning author of over thirteen books on self-empowerment, women’s sexuality, and BDSM.
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Since it's the first Tuesday of the new year, I thought I would answer some of the most asked questions I receive about how I react or deal with certain types of situations or emotions. Next week the regular Talk Tuesday Q&A will be back! So start sending me your questions!
Question #1) Throughout 2014, I dealt with many different types of health problems and side effects from medicines trying to fix the original health problem. I was asked in many different groups how do I stay submissive or perform my submissive duties when I'm not feeling well.
Question #1) Throughout 2014, I dealt with many different types of health problems and side effects from medicines trying to fix the original health problem. I was asked in many different groups how do I stay submissive or perform my submissive duties when I'm not feeling well.
- The answer to this question is simple, because of Padrone (my Master). I have a very understanding, loving and compassionate Padrone. He never pushed me to do anything, especially when I am sick. He cooks if I can't. He takes care of things around the house until I am able to. As far as staying submissive, for me, it's just who and what I am. It is not a role that I weave in and out of. In all things in life, I always follow my Padrone's lead. Our relationship might be a little different in certain ways because he does trust my judgement and allows me a lot of leeway when it comes to how I handle our internet stuff. He doesn't micromanage me but is always there if I ask him for directions.
- No, I am not perpetually happy all the time. I do tend to be a pretty happy person most of the time, but even I have my moments. 2014 was an especially hard year for my moods and emotions. I went full blown menopausal and that just made my moods very erratic at times. I would be perfectly happy then all of a sudden, sometimes for no reason or for something petty, I would get angry. Then I would get sad and pout. During all of these times, Padrone was my rock. He kept his patience with me and would hold me when I needed and give me space when I needed that. He never asked me what I needed, always just knew, just felt it. We do have our disagreements also but they are never huge blowups. Most of the time Padrone will get over being aggravated in like 5 minutes and then make faces at me or mess with me until I feel better too. I tend to pout sometimes after a disagreement.
Question #3) What kind of protocols and rules do you and your Master-Padrone observe? Do you kneel when serving food or wait for him at the door a certain way?
- We don't observe any strict protocols like you see in many pictures or might read about in books. They are not practical for our lifestyle and we love to cuddle versus me always being apart from him by standing at attention or setting on a tile floor on my knees. I do have many rules that I follow and I do have certain tasks and routines that I do every night, but I would not consider them protocols in the traditional sense of a submissive. For example, I always get up earlier than Padrone on nights he has to work so that I can get myself ready, make food for the night, get the electronics and backpack ready, make his coffee and wake him up at the specified time. I also help him get dressed because we both like this. He can do all of this himself, but we both prefer that I help. This routine is not something that he asked of me, it is just something that evolved out of need and necessity.
I hope I answered some of your questions about my own life and how we practice BDSM. I have to say that even for us, 3 1/2 years later, it is an ever evolving and learning experience. Our relationship is different now than it was even last year. The dynamic of Master/slave never changes, just routines to fit how our lives are flowing at that time.
Don't forget that you can always send me an email to ask questions about your own situations at bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com and I will be answering them every Tuesday starting next week!
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Every year that I have been writing this blog, I write a year end resolutions post.
Last year, I encouraged you to renew your connections with your partner and yourself. This year, I want you to learn to just be you, the real you!
I have had a year filled with many different health problems, helping others tackle their relationship issues, and dealing with other adverse situations. There are have also been many wonderful high points for me. Beautiful memories and events that have helped me grow as a person in both confidence and knowledge. I can honestly say that my followers and friends have really challenged me this past year by some of the questions they asked me to tackle but in doing so, I have broadened my thinking on many different subjects.
My Padrone has had to cope with my health issues this year that affected all aspects of our lives at some point. He has been my rock and shelter from the storms but also was my biggest supporter and fan. I gained a greater confidence in my writing as well as my body image with him just being his wonderful self.
I am not making any resolutions for 2015. I decided that this is the year that I'm just going to be me. Here are some things I know will happen not change. My weight will go up and down. I will have periods of time in which I exercise every day and weeks I won't. I will most likely have to deal with some type of health issue. I will have times in which I do not like my body and ones in which I think I look like a super model. I will have insecurities. I will grow and learn new things. There will be some down times but there will be many more happy ones. Padrone will always be there to support me, guide me, love me and take care of me. I will love, honor, obey and support Padrone. I know there will be rough patches in our relationship, but they will just bring us closer together in the end.
I ask you to make the resolution to just be yourself also. Don't try to make yourself lose weight because society says you have too. Do whatever you want to. Become confident in who you are, what you look like and try to love yourself. Don't make resolutions that you honestly know you won't keep. When you do make those and don't succeed, most of the time you feel guilt and that makes your entire outlook of yourself go down.
I hope that some of you will follow my example. I think it will make for a much better year and a happier one.
From Padrone Marco and I, we wish you all a safe, healthy, and happy 2015!!!!
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I want to share a very informative video interview with you with a long standing member of the LGBT community. Malika Dandridge is the interviewer and Daddi Cole is the interviewee.
The regular BDSM Unveiled Talk Tuesday will be back next week!
Malika's introduction of the video:
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| Malika Dandridge |
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| Daddi Cole |
Daddi Cole is a lesbian-identified, gender fluid Author/Educator and Dominant whose work appears in six anthologies including Stud: Dispelling the Myths; At the Table: Words of Faith, Affirmation, and Inspiration for Young LGBTQI Believers of Color; and Creative License (2014)."
Figuring prominently into Atlanta’s Leatherbash (formerly the Mr. & Ms. Georgia Leather Contest) in 2011 and into the Women in Leather Legacy Conference (WILL) in 2012, DC was recognized at the Black Expressions Alternative Tastes Conference in 2012 for community service and at Black Beat 2014, where S/He moderated the Queer Roundtable. Daddi Cole is a civic leader in African American and LGBTQ communities, spearheading projects like the International LGBT Healthcare Awareness Ribbon, Bois Next Door and AGenda Benda's Justice, Inc.’s human trafficking prevention initiative.
S/He created Sex Positive Works as a vehicle for providing sex-positive life coaching, consultation, and education for consciousness raising around consensual Dominance/submission and other unconventional relational dynamics and living styles. To entertain & to enlighten, DC -a.k.a. Drag King LEGEND Rx- offers collage exhibition; community talks and workshops; and erotic demonstration/ performance, always embracing opportunities to collaborate with like-minded leaders in the field.
After five years of devoted submission, Daddi Cole's soko is now "in service" to the toddler who keeps the couple very busy. They also each birthed two children (now adults), all of whom are as brilliant as they are diverse. They reside in the eastern United States. Oh, and any gender pronoun is acceptable. As the little one says, "hers a boi."
Figuring prominently into Atlanta’s Leatherbash (formerly the Mr. & Ms. Georgia Leather Contest) in 2011 and into the Women in Leather Legacy Conference (WILL) in 2012, DC was recognized at the Black Expressions Alternative Tastes Conference in 2012 for community service and at Black Beat 2014, where S/He moderated the Queer Roundtable. Daddi Cole is a civic leader in African American and LGBTQ communities, spearheading projects like the International LGBT Healthcare Awareness Ribbon, Bois Next Door and AGenda Benda's Justice, Inc.’s human trafficking prevention initiative.
S/He created Sex Positive Works as a vehicle for providing sex-positive life coaching, consultation, and education for consciousness raising around consensual Dominance/submission and other unconventional relational dynamics and living styles. To entertain & to enlighten, DC -a.k.a. Drag King LEGEND Rx- offers collage exhibition; community talks and workshops; and erotic demonstration/ performance, always embracing opportunities to collaborate with like-minded leaders in the field.
After five years of devoted submission, Daddi Cole's soko is now "in service" to the toddler who keeps the couple very busy. They also each birthed two children (now adults), all of whom are as brilliant as they are diverse. They reside in the eastern United States. Oh, and any gender pronoun is acceptable. As the little one says, "hers a boi."
Click the link below to watch the interview. Feel free to leave comments and questions below!
youtube.com/watch?v=w978Kk7PE7Q
youtube.com/watch?v=w978Kk7PE7Q
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When I finally voiced my cravings, I didn't know what to think
I stood there for many weeks, right on the brink.
Not really understanding the feelings I felt inside
Knowing I could no longer bury them and hide.
These needs I had couldn't possibly be normal
Society teaches us that sex is supposed to be formal.
Craving to be on my knees,
Serving a Master and wanting to please.
Desires for spankings and to do as I was told
But could I find the courage and be that bold?
After much research and conversation with others like me,
I found out there was a huge community!
Honesty and respect I learned from them
Are the foundations of a lifestyle called BDSM.
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This week's Talk Tuesday topics include, "Submissive Missing Dominant", "Online/Long Distance Submission", and "New D/s Couple".
Question #1) "My Dominant is always on the road and I miss him a lot. I get depressed even though he tries to call me when he stops for a break. Is this normal? Do you have any suggestions for me to help me stay out of this funk and to feel better?"
Question #1) "My Dominant is always on the road and I miss him a lot. I get depressed even though he tries to call me when he stops for a break. Is this normal? Do you have any suggestions for me to help me stay out of this funk and to feel better?"
Long distance relationships can be hard, especially on a D/s couple. You want that feeling of service, that closeness and satisfaction of just being with your dominant. Although nothing can replace the feeling of your dominant being there in person with you, there are some things that I can suggest to you in order to help you feel better.
- When you are in one of the really low times, put on one of his shirts and snuggle with his pillow. Ask him to buy you a special stuffed animal and snuggle with it.
- Keep his pictures on all of your electronic devices so you can see him anytime you wish.
- If you are in a mood to talk to him, but know he can't talk to you right then, send him an email or text message anyway. You might send him multiple messages before he is able to respond, but this way, it's kind of like talking to him. You are communicating to him.
- Ask him to make a weekly task list that has something specific for you to do for him each day. When you complete the task, take pictures and send it to him. The tasks can range from cooking special dishes, dressing up in certain clothes, writing, or reading about a specific subject.
For further information:
Question #2) "I am in an online relationship with a dominant that lives halfway around the world. Because of the time differences and our real life situations, I don't get to stay in touch with him as much as I would like. Many times I don't even feel like I'm a real submissive because of this. I love my Dom but I need to feel more submissive and closer to him. I need more contact with him. Any advice?"
There are many ways you can closer to your dominant using technology. With all of the different cell phone and tablet applications available, there are a wide variety, and often free, number of ways to feel closer to your dominant and at the same time feel more submissive.
If you love the feelings you get when you are on a leash connected physically to your Dominant, use your phone as a way for your dominant to know where you are at all times. Perform 'check ins' on Google + or Facebook. This way, he can track you wherever you may be, even if he is half way around the world. If you do not wear a collar at all times, outside the house especially, ask your Dominant to pick one for you that is acceptable to be seen in public places and could be mistaken as a piece of jewelry. The weight on your neck will make you feel connected and remind you of who owns you always, no matter where you may be.
These are only a couple of ways that technology can help you. If you read and research different apps on the internet, I am sure you find more ways.
For more information, please read:
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2012/12/feeling-more-submissive-with-technology.html
Question #3) "My boyfriend wants to start exploring a Dominant - submissive relationship. Neither one of us has any experience except for what little we have read online. We don't want to get into the hard sex stuff yet and are more interested in the softer side of things. Can you give us a starting point? All advice will be greatly appreciated."
There are many things that go into the making of a strong D/s relationship. First, you have to know exactly what you are getting into. To do this, you need to read as much about the different ways to practice a BDSM lifestyle as you can. Gain a basic knowledge of the different roles and responsibilities. As you have no doubt seen in your limited searches, there are an infinite number of ways one can practice D/s. Find, read, understand and fill out a Limits worksheet. This will give you both an idea of what you want to do, not do, and might want to explore at a later date. Next, find a basic D/s contract that you can fill in. This usually lists out what each of you expect from the other such as rules, protocols, rituals, punishments, and other relevant information included in the relationship.
Always remember the foundations of all BDSM relationships are: Open, Two way communication; Honesty, and Trust. This means never lying to each other no matter the subject. Never holding back any feelings whether good or bad. And never giving the other person a reason not to trust you.
Here are links to posts I recommend for all new beginners:
Roles and Relationships in BDSM
The Differences in BDSM Relationships
Foundations of a D/s relationship
Limits in a BDSM Relationship
BDSM Contracts
Safewords
Punishments in BDSM
I hope you enjoyed this week's Talk Tuesday topics. If you have any comments or additions you would like to add, please feel free to leave a comment.
If you have any questions you would like advice on, send an email to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com
If you love the feelings you get when you are on a leash connected physically to your Dominant, use your phone as a way for your dominant to know where you are at all times. Perform 'check ins' on Google + or Facebook. This way, he can track you wherever you may be, even if he is half way around the world. If you do not wear a collar at all times, outside the house especially, ask your Dominant to pick one for you that is acceptable to be seen in public places and could be mistaken as a piece of jewelry. The weight on your neck will make you feel connected and remind you of who owns you always, no matter where you may be.
These are only a couple of ways that technology can help you. If you read and research different apps on the internet, I am sure you find more ways.
For more information, please read:
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2012/12/feeling-more-submissive-with-technology.html
Question #3) "My boyfriend wants to start exploring a Dominant - submissive relationship. Neither one of us has any experience except for what little we have read online. We don't want to get into the hard sex stuff yet and are more interested in the softer side of things. Can you give us a starting point? All advice will be greatly appreciated."
There are many things that go into the making of a strong D/s relationship. First, you have to know exactly what you are getting into. To do this, you need to read as much about the different ways to practice a BDSM lifestyle as you can. Gain a basic knowledge of the different roles and responsibilities. As you have no doubt seen in your limited searches, there are an infinite number of ways one can practice D/s. Find, read, understand and fill out a Limits worksheet. This will give you both an idea of what you want to do, not do, and might want to explore at a later date. Next, find a basic D/s contract that you can fill in. This usually lists out what each of you expect from the other such as rules, protocols, rituals, punishments, and other relevant information included in the relationship.
Always remember the foundations of all BDSM relationships are: Open, Two way communication; Honesty, and Trust. This means never lying to each other no matter the subject. Never holding back any feelings whether good or bad. And never giving the other person a reason not to trust you.
Here are links to posts I recommend for all new beginners:
Roles and Relationships in BDSM
The Differences in BDSM Relationships
Foundations of a D/s relationship
Limits in a BDSM Relationship
BDSM Contracts
Safewords
Punishments in BDSM
I hope you enjoyed this week's Talk Tuesday topics. If you have any comments or additions you would like to add, please feel free to leave a comment.
If you have any questions you would like advice on, send an email to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com
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During the year, we all see, hear, and read many articles from various sources telling us that the more weight we lose, the better we will feel. Millions of people get told by their doctors they need to be a certain weight based on statistics that many of us will never fit or reach for various reasons.
Articles in magazines tout how better we will look and feel if we just exercise more, eat less, and try to conform more to the beauty standards set by the glossy magazines. Now, some things are true. If we eat healthier, using less grease and sugars, we do tend to feel better. But losing weight is not always a good thing, even if you are a BBW. Let me tell you why.
I have been a large woman, around a US 18/20, pretty much my entire adult life. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in my early 20s. Hypoglycemia is a condition in which a person suffers from low blood sugar and needs to intake more carbohydrates than normal. A person that suffers from diabetes is just the opposite. They have to watch their sugar intake.
I lived in the USA until I was 38. During that time, I ate out at various fast food places a lot, ate candy, drank sodas, and basically lived in junk food. My hypoglycemia was never a problem because of all of the sugars and extra fat I had on my body. I literally forgot I had it until after I had my first child. During pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight and was down around a size 14 after delivery. I noticed that I was getting dizzy spells, not feeling hungry, and craving really starchy foods like potatoes, rice and bread. When the symptoms didn't subside, I went to my doctor and they ran tests thinking I had developed diabetes. The positive test results came back once again for hypoglycemia. I went back to my old eating habits, gained all my weight back, and the symptoms disappeared.
Now, many years later, I move to Italy at the age of 38 to become a fulltime 24/7 submissive slave to my Padrone Marco. Naturally, since I'm in a new country, completely different food, eating habits, stores, ways that the packaged food in the grocery stores are processes, and many other factors, I start losing weight. Now, I didn't do it on purpose and I still ate whatever I wanted to. But because of the above factors, the transformation happened naturally. Fast forward 2 years and 5 months later, I am now in a size 12/14.
Now you are wondering why I am telling you this by now, aren't you? The reason is this. My hypoglycemia is back. The symptoms mirror that of my epilepsy in many ways, but differ also. I found that my dizzy spells got worse. My moods were grumpier. I never had an appetite for anything and I started eating more bread related food. At first, I thought it was my epilepsy acting up mire but it didn't fit the normal patterns or symptoms. Then I thought about what I was eating. I first thought it was from eating kits of things with sugar and drinking too much coffee with sugar in it. So, we switched to sweeteners and ate much less sweets. My symptoms got worse and my cravings for carbohydrates increased.
I then once again remembered the hypoglycemia that had given me so much trouble when I had lost weight after my pregnancies. I did the research and bingo! Reading the symptoms online was just like they had written my own story. Padrone did reading as well and now makes sure I eat something starchy every 3-4 hours. Slowly, we are learning how to keep it mostly in check with different types of food and frequency of eating times.
The reason I am sharing this with you is to prove to you that loosing weight is not always better for your health. When I was larger, I didn't have any problems with my heart or blood pressure and my cholesterol was only slightly elevated. I lost weight naturally and it made my health problems worse with the reemergence of the hypoglycemia. Pay attention to doctors, but mostly, pay attention to the signs your body is giving you.
Of course eating a healthier diet is smarter. It will be better for your body as well. But if you feel good and your weight isn't causing you health problems, then keep on eating and doing what you are doing. The most important thing is that you are happy. The happier you are, the better your life will be.
Don't let the pics that are plastered in magazines be your idea of beauty. Let the person you see in the mirror be the judge. Show the world a confident, happy, BBW and they will look on in wonder and think how beautiful you are.
If you are into the BDSM lifestyle, the same holds true. You have to be comfortable with your body because you don't want to disappoint your Dominant by being depressed and insecure about your weight or shape. You have to remember that if your Dominant didn't find you attractive and sexy, he never would have picked you to submit to him.
So, don't make a resolution to lose weight, make one that says you will learn to love your body and yourself as you are. Make a resolution to be happy. Make a resolution to be you and not something you see on TV or in magazines. Because you have to remember that you are beautiful in your own skin.
Articles in magazines tout how better we will look and feel if we just exercise more, eat less, and try to conform more to the beauty standards set by the glossy magazines. Now, some things are true. If we eat healthier, using less grease and sugars, we do tend to feel better. But losing weight is not always a good thing, even if you are a BBW. Let me tell you why.
I have been a large woman, around a US 18/20, pretty much my entire adult life. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in my early 20s. Hypoglycemia is a condition in which a person suffers from low blood sugar and needs to intake more carbohydrates than normal. A person that suffers from diabetes is just the opposite. They have to watch their sugar intake.
I lived in the USA until I was 38. During that time, I ate out at various fast food places a lot, ate candy, drank sodas, and basically lived in junk food. My hypoglycemia was never a problem because of all of the sugars and extra fat I had on my body. I literally forgot I had it until after I had my first child. During pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight and was down around a size 14 after delivery. I noticed that I was getting dizzy spells, not feeling hungry, and craving really starchy foods like potatoes, rice and bread. When the symptoms didn't subside, I went to my doctor and they ran tests thinking I had developed diabetes. The positive test results came back once again for hypoglycemia. I went back to my old eating habits, gained all my weight back, and the symptoms disappeared.
Now, many years later, I move to Italy at the age of 38 to become a fulltime 24/7 submissive slave to my Padrone Marco. Naturally, since I'm in a new country, completely different food, eating habits, stores, ways that the packaged food in the grocery stores are processes, and many other factors, I start losing weight. Now, I didn't do it on purpose and I still ate whatever I wanted to. But because of the above factors, the transformation happened naturally. Fast forward 2 years and 5 months later, I am now in a size 12/14.
Now you are wondering why I am telling you this by now, aren't you? The reason is this. My hypoglycemia is back. The symptoms mirror that of my epilepsy in many ways, but differ also. I found that my dizzy spells got worse. My moods were grumpier. I never had an appetite for anything and I started eating more bread related food. At first, I thought it was my epilepsy acting up mire but it didn't fit the normal patterns or symptoms. Then I thought about what I was eating. I first thought it was from eating kits of things with sugar and drinking too much coffee with sugar in it. So, we switched to sweeteners and ate much less sweets. My symptoms got worse and my cravings for carbohydrates increased.
I then once again remembered the hypoglycemia that had given me so much trouble when I had lost weight after my pregnancies. I did the research and bingo! Reading the symptoms online was just like they had written my own story. Padrone did reading as well and now makes sure I eat something starchy every 3-4 hours. Slowly, we are learning how to keep it mostly in check with different types of food and frequency of eating times.
The reason I am sharing this with you is to prove to you that loosing weight is not always better for your health. When I was larger, I didn't have any problems with my heart or blood pressure and my cholesterol was only slightly elevated. I lost weight naturally and it made my health problems worse with the reemergence of the hypoglycemia. Pay attention to doctors, but mostly, pay attention to the signs your body is giving you.
Of course eating a healthier diet is smarter. It will be better for your body as well. But if you feel good and your weight isn't causing you health problems, then keep on eating and doing what you are doing. The most important thing is that you are happy. The happier you are, the better your life will be.
Don't let the pics that are plastered in magazines be your idea of beauty. Let the person you see in the mirror be the judge. Show the world a confident, happy, BBW and they will look on in wonder and think how beautiful you are.
If you are into the BDSM lifestyle, the same holds true. You have to be comfortable with your body because you don't want to disappoint your Dominant by being depressed and insecure about your weight or shape. You have to remember that if your Dominant didn't find you attractive and sexy, he never would have picked you to submit to him.
So, don't make a resolution to lose weight, make one that says you will learn to love your body and yourself as you are. Make a resolution to be happy. Make a resolution to be you and not something you see on TV or in magazines. Because you have to remember that you are beautiful in your own skin.
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