During the year, we all see, hear, and read many articles from various sources telling us that the more weight we lose, the better we will feel. Millions of people get told by their doctors they need to be a certain weight based on statistics that many of us will never fit or reach for various reasons.
Articles in magazines tout how better we will look and feel if we just exercise more, eat less, and try to conform more to the beauty standards set by the glossy magazines. Now, some things are true. If we eat healthier, using less grease and sugars, we do tend to feel better. But losing weight is not always a good thing, even if you are a BBW. Let me tell you why.
I have been a large woman, around a US 18/20, pretty much my entire adult life. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in my early 20s. Hypoglycemia is a condition in which a person suffers from low blood sugar and needs to intake more carbohydrates than normal. A person that suffers from diabetes is just the opposite. They have to watch their sugar intake.
I lived in the USA until I was 38. During that time, I ate out at various fast food places a lot, ate candy, drank sodas, and basically lived in junk food. My hypoglycemia was never a problem because of all of the sugars and extra fat I had on my body. I literally forgot I had it until after I had my first child. During pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight and was down around a size 14 after delivery. I noticed that I was getting dizzy spells, not feeling hungry, and craving really starchy foods like potatoes, rice and bread. When the symptoms didn't subside, I went to my doctor and they ran tests thinking I had developed diabetes. The positive test results came back once again for hypoglycemia. I went back to my old eating habits, gained all my weight back, and the symptoms disappeared.
Now, many years later, I move to Italy at the age of 38 to become a fulltime 24/7 submissive slave to my Padrone Marco. Naturally, since I'm in a new country, completely different food, eating habits, stores, ways that the packaged food in the grocery stores are processes, and many other factors, I start losing weight. Now, I didn't do it on purpose and I still ate whatever I wanted to. But because of the above factors, the transformation happened naturally. Fast forward 2 years and 5 months later, I am now in a size 12/14.
Now you are wondering why I am telling you this by now, aren't you? The reason is this. My hypoglycemia is back. The symptoms mirror that of my epilepsy in many ways, but differ also. I found that my dizzy spells got worse. My moods were grumpier. I never had an appetite for anything and I started eating more bread related food. At first, I thought it was my epilepsy acting up mire but it didn't fit the normal patterns or symptoms. Then I thought about what I was eating. I first thought it was from eating kits of things with sugar and drinking too much coffee with sugar in it. So, we switched to sweeteners and ate much less sweets. My symptoms got worse and my cravings for carbohydrates increased.
I then once again remembered the hypoglycemia that had given me so much trouble when I had lost weight after my pregnancies. I did the research and bingo! Reading the symptoms online was just like they had written my own story. Padrone did reading as well and now makes sure I eat something starchy every 3-4 hours. Slowly, we are learning how to keep it mostly in check with different types of food and frequency of eating times.
The reason I am sharing this with you is to prove to you that loosing weight is not always better for your health. When I was larger, I didn't have any problems with my heart or blood pressure and my cholesterol was only slightly elevated. I lost weight naturally and it made my health problems worse with the reemergence of the hypoglycemia. Pay attention to doctors, but mostly, pay attention to the signs your body is giving you.
Of course eating a healthier diet is smarter. It will be better for your body as well. But if you feel good and your weight isn't causing you health problems, then keep on eating and doing what you are doing. The most important thing is that you are happy. The happier you are, the better your life will be.
Don't let the pics that are plastered in magazines be your idea of beauty. Let the person you see in the mirror be the judge. Show the world a confident, happy, BBW and they will look on in wonder and think how beautiful you are.
If you are into the BDSM lifestyle, the same holds true. You have to be comfortable with your body because you don't want to disappoint your Dominant by being depressed and insecure about your weight or shape. You have to remember that if your Dominant didn't find you attractive and sexy, he never would have picked you to submit to him.
So, don't make a resolution to lose weight, make one that says you will learn to love your body and yourself as you are. Make a resolution to be happy. Make a resolution to be you and not something you see on TV or in magazines. Because you have to remember that you are beautiful in your own skin.
Articles in magazines tout how better we will look and feel if we just exercise more, eat less, and try to conform more to the beauty standards set by the glossy magazines. Now, some things are true. If we eat healthier, using less grease and sugars, we do tend to feel better. But losing weight is not always a good thing, even if you are a BBW. Let me tell you why.
I have been a large woman, around a US 18/20, pretty much my entire adult life. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in my early 20s. Hypoglycemia is a condition in which a person suffers from low blood sugar and needs to intake more carbohydrates than normal. A person that suffers from diabetes is just the opposite. They have to watch their sugar intake.
I lived in the USA until I was 38. During that time, I ate out at various fast food places a lot, ate candy, drank sodas, and basically lived in junk food. My hypoglycemia was never a problem because of all of the sugars and extra fat I had on my body. I literally forgot I had it until after I had my first child. During pregnancy, I lost a lot of weight and was down around a size 14 after delivery. I noticed that I was getting dizzy spells, not feeling hungry, and craving really starchy foods like potatoes, rice and bread. When the symptoms didn't subside, I went to my doctor and they ran tests thinking I had developed diabetes. The positive test results came back once again for hypoglycemia. I went back to my old eating habits, gained all my weight back, and the symptoms disappeared.
Now, many years later, I move to Italy at the age of 38 to become a fulltime 24/7 submissive slave to my Padrone Marco. Naturally, since I'm in a new country, completely different food, eating habits, stores, ways that the packaged food in the grocery stores are processes, and many other factors, I start losing weight. Now, I didn't do it on purpose and I still ate whatever I wanted to. But because of the above factors, the transformation happened naturally. Fast forward 2 years and 5 months later, I am now in a size 12/14.
Now you are wondering why I am telling you this by now, aren't you? The reason is this. My hypoglycemia is back. The symptoms mirror that of my epilepsy in many ways, but differ also. I found that my dizzy spells got worse. My moods were grumpier. I never had an appetite for anything and I started eating more bread related food. At first, I thought it was my epilepsy acting up mire but it didn't fit the normal patterns or symptoms. Then I thought about what I was eating. I first thought it was from eating kits of things with sugar and drinking too much coffee with sugar in it. So, we switched to sweeteners and ate much less sweets. My symptoms got worse and my cravings for carbohydrates increased.
I then once again remembered the hypoglycemia that had given me so much trouble when I had lost weight after my pregnancies. I did the research and bingo! Reading the symptoms online was just like they had written my own story. Padrone did reading as well and now makes sure I eat something starchy every 3-4 hours. Slowly, we are learning how to keep it mostly in check with different types of food and frequency of eating times.
The reason I am sharing this with you is to prove to you that loosing weight is not always better for your health. When I was larger, I didn't have any problems with my heart or blood pressure and my cholesterol was only slightly elevated. I lost weight naturally and it made my health problems worse with the reemergence of the hypoglycemia. Pay attention to doctors, but mostly, pay attention to the signs your body is giving you.
Of course eating a healthier diet is smarter. It will be better for your body as well. But if you feel good and your weight isn't causing you health problems, then keep on eating and doing what you are doing. The most important thing is that you are happy. The happier you are, the better your life will be.
Don't let the pics that are plastered in magazines be your idea of beauty. Let the person you see in the mirror be the judge. Show the world a confident, happy, BBW and they will look on in wonder and think how beautiful you are.
If you are into the BDSM lifestyle, the same holds true. You have to be comfortable with your body because you don't want to disappoint your Dominant by being depressed and insecure about your weight or shape. You have to remember that if your Dominant didn't find you attractive and sexy, he never would have picked you to submit to him.
So, don't make a resolution to lose weight, make one that says you will learn to love your body and yourself as you are. Make a resolution to be happy. Make a resolution to be you and not something you see on TV or in magazines. Because you have to remember that you are beautiful in your own skin.
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You might notice that Talk Tuesday is being posted on Wednesday this week.
It follows Thanksgiving weekend in the USA. We celebrated it here in Italy also with lots of cooking and eating! Real life has been hectic the past week with the holidays and decorating for Christmas. Sorry for being late, but I think the wait was worth it! This week's topic's cover "A Shy Submissive", "Broken Trust", and "Sub drop".
Question #1) "Being painfully shy and also a single submissive it is difficult to find the courage to get out and meet people like myself. I became a ghost writer to be able to tell my stories to the world and am just now trying my hand at Erotic Romance... Though I am computer savvy I don't care much for the BDSM online scene at all, with chat rooms being like one big feeding ground. Is there any hope for me? I am on Fetlife following the local groups, but haven't spoken to anyone yet. Any advice for me?"
If you want a real life experience or relationship, I suggest start looking for a local Munch in your area. If you are too shy to go on your own, ask a friend to go with you. If that's not an option, contact the Munch organizer, tell her/he you're new and ask if he/she could introduce you around and help you get comfortable.
If you are only wanting to stay online for now, I suggest finding and joining several submissive support and education groups. Stay, watch and see if it's the type of group you want to be involved in. When you are comfortable, start participating. Many of these groups are great ways to learn more about the BDSM lifestyle by reading the different Q&As in them.
For more information:
findamunch.com/
www.submissiveguide.com/2011/12/the-secret-of-communicating-when-you-are-shy/
Question #2) "I am writing you because I need guidance and behavior tips and overall help. I'm totally new to dom/sub lifestyle . I have recently started dating my adorable dom and he was very honest from the beginning and explained that he was interested in a sub lady .. At first didn't know what he was talking about when I researched I was totally amused thinking that that is what I been looking for in alll my failed relationships.. We talked and I told him that I am willing to explore my sub side and so far we great !!! Now few weeks ago my ex was in a messed up situation and he asked mi to stay in my house for few days ..I did agree but never consulted my dom ..Now he refused to leave an broke the door ....I explained what happened to my dom. And he went mad and saying that u have disrespected him and he has lost all the trust he had in me. we really care for each other and I can see him as my long term dom. The incident with my ex is all resolved as I called the police an he left.:... My prob now is that I really want to show my dom that I am his ....I belong to him I always did. I was only trying to help someone. Just want to be the woman he needs and for him see me as the woman he wants. How can I achieve it?"
The first mistake was not telling your Dom about your ex staying at your house. Whether in a BDSM or vanilla relationship, this omission is considered lying. Without trust and honesty, there can be no relationship. The first thing you should have done before agreeing to anything was to tell your Dominant the situation and ask his permission for the ex to stay. When you didn't ask his permission and hid the situation completely, you broke the trust. I don't have any magic answers or advice for this situation, unfortunately. It's completely up to your Dom to decide if he wants to take a second chance on a relationship with you. If he does or if you enter into a new D/s relationship, make sure that you have all rules, protocols and limits written down in a formal contract so you each know what to expect from the other. If you ever have a doubt on whether to ask your Dom something or not, always ask him. It's better to ask than hide something. Good luck either way.
For further information:
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2014/05/when-bdsm-relationship-ends.html
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2012/12/foundations-of-ds-relationship-softer.html
bdsmunveiled.com/2013/01/undesirable-traits-in-submissives.html
Question #3) "How to recognize sub drop when it is occurring and how to deal when one is alone with sub drop because their Dom can't physically be there for them."
Sub Drop can come in many different forms. Sub Drop is the emotional and physical effects of the release and drop of endorphins in the body after a play session. Since the increase of hormones and chemicals has produced a trance-like state (subspace), as play ends the submissive may feel out-of-body, detached from reality. As the sub's system stops producing morphine-like drugs, and as the nervous system kicks in again, the sub may feel a deep exhaustion, a sharp drop in temperature, as well as incoherence and uncoordinated.You could feel like you have a hangover or partied too hard the night before, you could feel lost and depressed for hours or days. You may just want to sleep it off. These are the more extreme forms of Drop. Some people recover in a matter of hours, but others could exhibit signs of Sub Drop for weeks after an intense session.
There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.
I hope you enjoyed this week's topics. If you have additional information you want to share, please leave a comment below!
If you have a question you want answered or a situation you need advice on, please send me an email to bdsmunveiled@gmail.com.
It follows Thanksgiving weekend in the USA. We celebrated it here in Italy also with lots of cooking and eating! Real life has been hectic the past week with the holidays and decorating for Christmas. Sorry for being late, but I think the wait was worth it! This week's topic's cover "A Shy Submissive", "Broken Trust", and "Sub drop".
Question #1) "Being painfully shy and also a single submissive it is difficult to find the courage to get out and meet people like myself. I became a ghost writer to be able to tell my stories to the world and am just now trying my hand at Erotic Romance... Though I am computer savvy I don't care much for the BDSM online scene at all, with chat rooms being like one big feeding ground. Is there any hope for me? I am on Fetlife following the local groups, but haven't spoken to anyone yet. Any advice for me?"
If you want a real life experience or relationship, I suggest start looking for a local Munch in your area. If you are too shy to go on your own, ask a friend to go with you. If that's not an option, contact the Munch organizer, tell her/he you're new and ask if he/she could introduce you around and help you get comfortable.
If you are only wanting to stay online for now, I suggest finding and joining several submissive support and education groups. Stay, watch and see if it's the type of group you want to be involved in. When you are comfortable, start participating. Many of these groups are great ways to learn more about the BDSM lifestyle by reading the different Q&As in them.
For more information:
findamunch.com/
www.submissiveguide.com/2011/12/the-secret-of-communicating-when-you-are-shy/
The first mistake was not telling your Dom about your ex staying at your house. Whether in a BDSM or vanilla relationship, this omission is considered lying. Without trust and honesty, there can be no relationship. The first thing you should have done before agreeing to anything was to tell your Dominant the situation and ask his permission for the ex to stay. When you didn't ask his permission and hid the situation completely, you broke the trust. I don't have any magic answers or advice for this situation, unfortunately. It's completely up to your Dom to decide if he wants to take a second chance on a relationship with you. If he does or if you enter into a new D/s relationship, make sure that you have all rules, protocols and limits written down in a formal contract so you each know what to expect from the other. If you ever have a doubt on whether to ask your Dom something or not, always ask him. It's better to ask than hide something. Good luck either way.
For further information:
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2014/05/when-bdsm-relationship-ends.html
bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2012/12/foundations-of-ds-relationship-softer.html
bdsmunveiled.com/2013/01/undesirable-traits-in-submissives.html
Question #3) "How to recognize sub drop when it is occurring and how to deal when one is alone with sub drop because their Dom can't physically be there for them."
There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.
- Recognize what it is. This is important, if you don't accept it for what it is, then you can talk yourself into a much worse state.
- Keep in contact with your play partner, tell them how you are feeling and seek reassurance from them that all is well. We all need to hear that we did good and that our partners enjoyed the scene as much as we did.
- Pamper yourself. Spend the day doing things you really enjoy. Long hot bubble bathes, manicures/pedicure, get your hair done. Anything that is going to help you feel better about yourself.
- Eat well and drink plenty of fluids. Your body is still in recovery process, so feed it well.
- Talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Find someone who can listen without judging and let it all out. If you need to cry do so, it's therapeutic.
For further reading:
I hope you enjoyed this week's topics. If you have additional information you want to share, please leave a comment below!
If you have a question you want answered or a situation you need advice on, please send me an email to bdsmunveiled@gmail.com.
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This week, the USA will be celebrating Thanksgiving.
Families will gather together, eat some great food and just enjoy being together. Not everyone can be with their loved ones and some don't have anyone, so I hope this post helps those that are alone or far from families realize that there is still so much to be thankful for.
I live in Italy and am extremely fortunate to have a wonderful and understanding Padrone that helps me celebrate American holidays. My family are scattered all across the USA and I won't be with them this year, but they are all in my heart and thoughts.
There are always many things to be thankful for, even during hard, lonely, or dark times. Here are things I am thankful for every day.
- Friendships - Having friends that you can talk to, online or real life, is always important to have. Make sure you tell them all how glad you are they in your life.
- Health - this year there have been as many, if not more, bad days. I'm thankful for all the good ones as well as the medicines and doctors that are helping me to get better. I'm thankful for every day I wake up ready to greet whatever the day has in store for me.
- My Padrone - he is always patient and understanding. He is loving, encouraging, protective and guiding. Even though we both identify me as his BDSM slave, he allows me freedom to be creative and pursue my passions of writing and helping people. His quirky sense of humor and serious side is the perfect balance for my own personality.
- Family - even though they are all thousands of miles away, I'm extremely thankful they are all happy and healthy.
- Fans and Followers - I'm so thankful for my readers. You're encouragement, comments and questions keep me thinking and motivated to continue to help others in any ways I can.
- Basic Needs - Housing, food and clothing fall under this category. So many people these days are always thinking of what they want and not what they have. I am so thankful that all of our basic needs are met and grateful for any extras we have.
- Pets - or as I like to call them, fur and feather babies! Though they can be a pain and annoying at times, pets love you unconditionally and can fill you and your heart full of love. They can also take away loneliness for those that are alone.
I hope my own list of things to be thankful for have helped you realize that there are always things in your own life to be thankful for. May you all make your own list!
Happy Thanksgiving to all of my fellow Americans! And wishing the rest of the world love, peace, and harmony!
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This week's topics are "Dominant's checking a submissive's tasks", "Am I submissive or slave", and "Talking during sex".
Question #1) "Should a Dom check with the submissive if the chore list is done or is it the subs responsibility to check in?"
It depends on the couple. Some Dominants like to micromanage their subs and inspect every part of the chore just to ensure it's done to satisfaction. Others don't trust their subs enough to believe them that they completed all tasks. Some submissives are lazy and really try to get away with cheating or taking shortcuts. These types of submissives need to be micromanaged because they are not trustworthy.
I believe that once trust is built and time together has passed that the submissive will prove herself trustworthy and the Dominant will know that she has done all the tasks as expected or better.
For more information, please read the following links:
http://bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2014/04/tasks-and-duties-of-submissive.html
http://bdsmunveiled.blogspot.com/2013/09/how-to-be-perfect-house-wife.html
Question #2) "Can you tell me if I'm a submissive or a slave?"
I do live as a consensual slave with my Master. I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for 23 yrs as both sub and slave. I also mentor people new to the lifestyle. So, speaking from my experience, only you can determine if being a slave is right for you. If someone tells you that you have to be a slave, it is not consensual, therefore not real BDSM, just abuse. You should also understand that many people have different definitions of what a slave is, their rules, protocols and boundaries. It’s up to you and your Dominant to determine what those are. If you fight your Dominant on many things, then you really do not sound like a slave at heart, but could be submissive.
There are many ways to be a submissive as well. I recommend you reading my blog www.bdsmunveiled.com as well as www.submissiveguide.com to further your understanding on subs and slaves. The more you read and research, the more knowledge you gain. If your Dominant keeps saying he wants a slave, but you really aren't slave material, then you need a new Dom. A Dominant is someone that is supposed to guide and nourish you. He should never push or demand that you be something you aren't. If he does, he is not a real dominant, but only a bully or abuser. So, please reevaluate your situation and do some soul searching after you read more about submissives and slaves and what exactly the different roles entail.
Question #3) "I have a problem i need some help with. My girlfriend and I have a happy exciting sex life but I'm not much of a "talker" while we are goin' at it. I know this bugs her. She says I'm like a ninja silent but deadly. I have tried and I think I sound stupid doing so I start laughing putting a damper on the mood. Any ideas what I can do to talk the talk while I'm walking the walk."
Implement a Dominant/sub playtime before actual penetration. Tell her she can't talk and if she does spank her before resuming. Be dominant and instruct her in different ways to undress, masturbate, touch her body. All without touching her first. Maintain a very authoritative voice. Tie her hands and put her on her knees. Tell her to remain silent and call her yours as you have sex. Tell her that her pussy is your property. Things like this should help.
For more information, please read the following links:
I hope you found the above topics interesting. If you have any further comments or suggestions, please leave a comment! We love hearing from you.
If you have questions or want to be a part of Talk Tuesday, send us an email at bdsmunveiled@gmail.com!
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40% Off Sale on Michelle Fegatofi Printed Books @ Lulu.com! Begins 11/21 - Ends 11/30
Unveiled the secret submissive within
BDSM basics for beginners. A guide for dominants and submissives starting to explore the lifestyle
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This week, I'm addressing 'How to get through the holidays without a BDSM partner', 'Advice for an LDR of two switches', and lastly ''A very confused couple that likes kink'.
Question #1) "I am new to the BDSM scene but I have a boyfriend in Australia that is also my pet/Master... Is there any advice you or your master want to impart? I'm mostly a Dom. but sometimes I enjoy my pet taking control and owning me... We are both switch."
This is a very broad question, so I can only give a broad answer. Since you are new, I encourage you to read many different books and web sites on the multiple ways you can practice a BDSM lifestyle. This way, you can learn more about the Dominants and submissive types and see where you are comfortable when you are in that role. You will both want to explore your limits, so you should find and fill out a Limits Worksheet. There are many available online. I encourage you to fill out a BDSM Contract as well. It should detail rules, punishments, protocols, and limits for each of you for both roles, since you are both switches.
Remember to always keep an honest two-way communication between you and whenever a problem arises, to bring it up as soon as possible and not let it wait and fester. Never think you have read or learned everything in BDSM because there is always something new or a different way of thinking that comes up.
Here are some recommended links for further reading on the above topic:
Online BDSM Relationships
Foundations of a BDSM Relationship
Differences in BDSM Relationships
Question #2) "Here in the US it will be Thanksgiving in a little more than a week and of course Christmas and New Years are right around the corner. Have you any suggestions on how Submissives (especially those still seeking a Dominant) can address getting through the holiday blues that sometimes happens when you are alone?"
This is a question that can apply to vanilla and BDSMers both. From a BDSM standpoint, I would suggest trying to find one or more Munches to go to around your area. There, you can possibly make friends and exchange contact information with other like-minded people. Another resource to utilize would be the internet. Many people in the Lifestyle are in online groups and might be alone as well. If you are friends with them and neither of you have plans, think about using a free online video messaging program to talk together while you eat or just relax at home.
If you are in the mood to play and don't mind playing with strangers, find a reputable BDSM club in your area. Even if you aren't in the mood to hook up or scene, you might find a friend to talk to during the holidays.
Here are some recommended links for further reading on the topic:
Find a Munch
Local BDSM Communities
Question #3) "Would you help me please understand which sub I am and understand my guys dominance please. I'm very new to this type of relationship and my closed mindedness still sees it as bullying not erotic (my guy had never told me that he likes this type of sex but does it when we're having sex).
 |
| Switch Pride Flag |
He loves wrestling me (I initiated that), punching my stomach (he lets me do it back to him), choking me, slapping me which causes me in defense and gut reaction to slap him back (he says he wants me to slap him back) pinning me down and calling me a bitch saying "this is how you treat a bitch", thrusting hard into me while saying "this is how you control a bitch, this is how a pimp marks his terriority, this is how you claim a bitch"
I love wrestling him (being succumbed by power), punching him back (shows that I'm actually of equal power to him), being riden hard (passionate, no holding back sex) being told he's claiming me (not as claiming but more like the true blood "sookie is mine" statement. Someone thinks you're worth protecting and claiming as their own and noone elses)
I really despise the "bitch" name calling and the pinning me down while saying "this is how you treat a bitch". I hate the humiliating and degrading side of submission. He gets frustrated explaining to me that when he says "bitch" he means it as an attitude (he knows I'm not a bitch) and because he says he's role playing it doesn't mean anything. Its true that he doesn't do any of those things unless he is wanting sex from me. He's actually respectful and attentive other times.
Is this just a normal bdsm relationship behaviour or is this behaviour i should be worried about. Can you help me understand his "bitch" roleplaying from his point of view so I can understand him better please?"
This question came to me through my Goodreads page. I have to preface this by saying the profile that posted this in the comments section, as well as the one right above it, were both just opened in November 2014 with no previous activities other than comments on an old post I wrote called 'What Type of Submissive are You?' I have my doubts about this being a genuine comment, but as I am an adult and take all questions seriously, I will answer it to the best of my knowledge.
Now, as far as classifications, from your post, neither you or your partner are submissives. I would classify you both as Sadomasochistic Switches in role playing scenarios. Being new, you need to read and research S&M scenes as well as role play to gain more knowledge about them. You should also both read more about the basics of BDSM and learn the different roles, as well as the most often used terminology.
Once you have more knowledge, you both should complete a limits list detailing what you will do, won't do, and what you might want to try. I also suggest writing an informal contract in which you agree when and where you will be in your roles, types of punishments agreed upon, rules, protocols, and Limits. With a contract, you will both be on the same page and it will help you both be clear on the other's position.
Here are some recommended links for further reading on the topic:
BDSM Contracts
BDSM Limits
General Guideline for Dominants
I hope you enjoyed this week's questions for Talk Tuesday! Please feel free to extend the conversion by leaving your own comments below!
If you have any questions you would like answered, please send them to bdsmunveiled@gmail.com!
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Today's questions span a variety of subjects, from 'what a Dominant is' to 'how to find a mentor'.
Be sure to read the links that I have listed after each question to become more informed about each of today's topics.
This is a question that could be answered in many ways, depending on who you ask. First, let's address what exactly a Professional Dominant is. These are people who are Dominants for hire. They dominate people, have sessions with them, for a price. You usually see more women (Mistresses) than men in these types of roles.
Now, to address the difference between a Dominant and a Master. A dominant is a person that is in a role of authority over another person. This is a person that has a naturally dominant character. A dominant can be a male or female. They normally do not do it for money. They consider themselves Dominants instead of a Master because they have submissives and not slaves. They usually only dominate in the bedroom or certain parts of a sub's life, but not in every part of a sub's life.
A Master is someone that usually has years of experience and knowledge in the lifestyle. They have a submissive that is usually submissive 24/7 and many times consider the submissive to be a slave. They know their slave so deeply that many times they anticipate the needs of the slave without any words being said.
Many times, people can and will interchange the terms Dominant and Master. New people with no experience will call themselves Master just because they think they deserve the title. In my humble opinion, someone can't be a Master without ever having owned a slave, just as a submissive
Many times, people can and will interchange the terms Dominant and Master. New people with no experience will call themselves Master just because they think they deserve the title. In my humble opinion, someone can't be a Master without ever having owned a slave, just as a submissive
can't be a slave without ever having been owned and served a Master.
For further reading on related subjects:
Question #2) "My life all the time was one vanilla. Now since year and a half ago, I met a man and I fell in love with him. We spend time daily talking and talking. And he said that he wants to collar me and start training me. One of the hardest things (for me) is the he wants to own a slave, me.
Honestly I don't like the idea and it makes me feel sick. I can't see him with another woman and I can't imagine being with another woman touching or licking for real. But he desire that with me. We have a huge disagreement that day. The next day I told him that I used to masturbating me thinking on something like that and I said him that maybe I can do it for real... for him not for me.
Honestly I don't think I will feel happy with that .. and I don't know what to do, every time he said something about that I turn angry and upset. I need some kind of light in this moment. I will appreciate every word that you for me, all this Master/slave is so new for me and many things catch my attention a lot but this ones is hurting me a lot."
First, never do anything that you do not want to do. BDSM is all about Safe, Sane, and Consensual. If he demands you do something that is against your will, say no and walk away. Being a slave in BDSM is a complete consensual thing. It is solely the choice of the submissive to give their submission to a dominant. It does not mean that you really are owned like property. If you aren't comfortable with being a slave but you are intrigued by becoming a submissive, try that first. I strongly encourage you to read everything you can find about BDSM in general and concentrate on the role of a submissive.
Honestly I don't think I will feel happy with that .. and I don't know what to do, every time he said something about that I turn angry and upset. I need some kind of light in this moment. I will appreciate every word that you for me, all this Master/slave is so new for me and many things catch my attention a lot but this ones is hurting me a lot."
I recommend you read these websites in depth to learn more about the BDSM lifestyle:
www.submissiveguide.com
Question #3) "How does one find a mentor and what exactly are the duties of a mentor?"
Question #3) "How does one find a mentor and what exactly are the duties of a mentor?"
There are many ways to find a mentor in BDSM. Becoming friends online with someone that is known and has been involved in the Lifestyle for a long time. Also, going to munches and making friends might help you find a mentor.
In my opinion, a mentor is someone that will answer questions and concerns that you have and help guide you, but not lead you as a dom leads a sub. A good mentor will give you options to a problem and step back to allow you to choose the path you want to take. They will help you navigate the lifestyle but will not put you on a path.
In my opinion, a mentor is someone that will answer questions and concerns that you have and help guide you, but not lead you as a dom leads a sub. A good mentor will give you options to a problem and step back to allow you to choose the path you want to take. They will help you navigate the lifestyle but will not put you on a path.
Here are some helpful links for further reading:
I hope the questions above have helped broaden your knowledge in different BDSM topics. If you have a question you want me to address, email us at bdsmunveiled@gmail.com.
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I am proud to announce a new partnership with Sensual BDSM, an informative, artsy, and educational group based on Google +, ran by +SirDušanGabrielson and his educated team of moderators.
While you can find my blog posts and poetry there, you will also find many other links and posts concentrating on the softer side of BDSM from many different sources. I encourage you to stop by and take a look at https://plus.google.com/u/0/communities/104758304305360880791!
While you can find my blog posts and poetry there, you will also find many other links and posts concentrating on the softer side of BDSM from many different sources. I encourage you to stop by and take a look at https://plus.google.com/u/0/communities/104758304305360880791!
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This week I received many different types of emails asking various questions related to the BDSM Lifestyle.
Below are a group of questions that are somewhat related in topic, so these are the ones that I've chosen to share with you this week.
Question #1) "Many Submissives find themselves without dominants for one reason or another (release, death, or simply not clicking with any Dominant, etc.). How do you nurture your submission when there is no one to submit to?"
Many submissives are in this situation, especially those new to BDSM. While in-between relationships or waiting to connect with your first Dominant, you should always try to educate yourself more by reading books and websites about the Lifestyle, but mainly about the different types and ways to submit. You can gain a solid base knowledge of what BDSM offers and ensure that you have a very good grasp of your own expectations.
You can practice different submissive positions and become fluid and graceful in transitioning between them. You can ensure that you you have your limits list completed and that you understand all,of your limit. To feel closer to other submissives or just to be around the Lifestyle more, visit online submissive groups or go to munches in your area.
While these do not replace or fulfill the need to serve a Dominant in a submissive way, staying educated and furthering that knowledge can help you feel more connected to the BDSM community, as well as helping you attain a better overall understanding of what your own place in the Lifestyle may be.
For further reading on this topic:
Submissive or Slave Training
Question #2) "Now that the JDI Dating site has been found to be creating profiles in order to get people to buy premium introduction packages, what can Submissives do to keep themselves from being victims of fake profiles on BDSM sites?"
While I wish I had a revolutionary answer for this, I fall back to common sense and the old saying 'if it's too good to be true, it usually is'. The main pitfalls to watch out for are obvious ones such as a person not willing to give you their real name or show you a real picture of themselves. If their profile boasts about having many years of experience and having been with many submissives, ask yourself why they kept changing submissives? If they boast about or show pictures of things that cost a lot of money, be skeptical. True dominants never show off or boast about financial matters.
If the dominant gives you the feeling that they really don't have a clue as to what they are talking about compared to the experience they say they have, that is a huge red flag. If a person demands you call them Master or anything other than their name when you first meet them, that's another red flag! Titles and respect are earned over time, never demanded.
I know of a few people that have portrayed themselves very convincingly as dominants and was able to hide their true nature or identities online from some very smart women. But, in the end, the 'dom' slipped up and the submissive found out exactly what they were about.
Use your instincts and be as careful and observant as possible, but don't be paranoid. While there are many fake people and profiles online, there are just as many real ones out there waiting to connect.
For further information:
Warning Signs of a Fake Dom
Predators are Everywhere
Question #3) "Why is it that when I am to the point that I am strong enough to carry on without him he sends me a message (I miss you) and drags me back in? Why does it hurt so much trying to get through the day without hearing from him? I have been reading a lot about fake and wanna be DD's and I really feel like this is what he is but I love and care for him so much that it doesn't matter to me. Am I putting myself in danger still wanting a D/s relationship with him?"
I think you are infatuated with this man and and will put up with almost anything from him just to hang on to a relationship in order to not be alone. Many women have an intense fear of being alone or growing older without a partner. You know the type of relationship you want and deserve. You should not compromise 75% of your expectations just to stay with someone that isn't worth all the effort you are putting forth. As far as being hurt, I don't see any other outcome from what you have told me. I see emotional and mental anguish during the course of the relationship and much more at the end.
I would advise you to end the relationship, block all contact with him and move forward. It's scary and hard, but I think it would be in your best interest.
If you have any questions that you would like me to answer, send them to bdsmunveiled@gmail.com.
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