Google+MichelleFegatofi Google+Bdsmunveiled Submissive or Slave Training | BDSM Unveiled. Original BDSM Lifestyle Content - BDSM Relationships

Michelle Fegatofi 8:10 PM 16 March 2013 3 Comments

Many readers, both Dominants and submissives, send me messages asking about submissive or slave training.

They want to know if there is a "correct" way to do it. I always tell them with respect, compassion, and deep understanding of the individual person and situation.

what is the correct way to train a submissive?

I believe that just as every person is different, every situation is also. You have to adapt training to fit your submissive's personality, as well as your relationship and lifestyle. If your sub/slave is a brat, you will usually end up giving harsher and more frequent punishments. If they are more meek, mild correction is probably the best way so you don't destroy their confidence and help to build self-esteem, while correcting whatever behavior you do not like. There is no one size fits all.

While I can't give you a manual on how to train your slave, I can give you a general direction and tips to possibly follow.

training of a submissive
Whenever a dominant considers a new submissive for training, the first step is an assessment where the dominant seeks to learn about the specific needs, wants, strengths, weaknesses and desires of the sub. This assessment certainly includes sexual aspects but is not limited only to that. Quite often, sexual training and sexual activities a submissive is exposed to have other purposes and objectives in mind beyond merely someone experiencing a great orgasm.

The nuts and bolts of how submissive training and development is accomplished is dependent to a large degree on whether the relationship with a dominant takes places face to face or in an online environment. In real life experiences, generally the dominant will provide the training and instruction directly to the submissive. Starting slowly, with brief periods of instruction and simple activities, the dominant begins to introduce the submissive to new experiences.

Dominant - submissive face to face



- Physical training encompasses all areas requiring movements, positions and postures excluding for our purposes here, things sexual or pertaining to the acquisition of physical skills like dance. There are differences among dominants as to what physical training is desirable and important in the development of a submissive yet some things are commonly taught.


- At its most basic, verbal training includes how the submissive addresses his or her dominant. It has been my experience that dominants have preferences about how a submissive is permitted to address them and you may be confident that this information will be provided to you.


- Training focused on the mental realm involves things like memorization, keeping a journal, improving concentration skills (i.e., meditation), acquiring new knowledge, improving problem solving skills and learning to bend the will more effectively to that of the dominant through development of greater determination to please and persistence to pursue tasks and assignments to successful conclusion.


- This is for the purpose of helping a submissive to learn to be more obedient or less willful.


- Beyond simple male-female penile-vaginal intercourse, possibilities for sexual training topics for the novice submissive include things like:
  1. Learning to experience increased arousal
  2. Learning to become sexual in new ways
  3. Overcoming sexual blocks (e.g., mental, moral, ethical, shame)
  4. Erotic movement (e.g., erotic dance, striptease, pole dancing)
  5. Restrictions on masturbation frequency
  6. Orgasm control/denial
  7. Overcoming body shame

Discipline and Correction 

- Some might see these two terms as meaning essentially the same thing. Others might wonder why punishment was not included in the title. To address the latter first, correction may involve punishment but punishment is generally punitive while correction need not be punitive at all.

Rituals and Protocols 

- A ritual may be defined as any formalized action or set of actions, repeated in a specific and structured way. Rituals are processed at the subconscious level, making the practice of rituals a very effective means of shaping a person's beliefs, self-image, thoughts and behavior. Thus, rituals are a key part of submissive training and a tool often used by dominants.

While there are some recognized BDSM ceremonies, such as collaring ceremonies, formal presentation, etc., there are no recognized BDSM rituals. There are however a few points that dominants generally bear in mind when creating and using rituals.
  • Rituals have an exactly repeatable structure, basically a script. Repeating the same thing regularly helps it become a habit that sinks deep into the self-conscious.
  • Rituals should have a definite purpose, objective or goal. Whether the submissive is aware of it or not, the dominant should be.
  • The most effective rituals have a direct link to specific activities or events.
  • Rituals should be simple, using relatively few words and acts.
  • Rituals should have a definite beginning and end.
  • The number of rituals should be limited. Too many and they become difficult to remember, a burden and limit spontaneity. 

So, as you can tell, training varies from situation and preferences to individual personalities. Before starting anything, make sure all parties are fully aware of all possibilities and Hard and Soft Limits are in place and agreed on.

you are mine and you will obey

Post title: "Submissive or Slave Training"


  1. Nice article! this is a great site. Thank you for it!

  2. Good tips on training a submissive.


  3. Hi Michelle,

    Once again a very thoughtful post. Thank you. I find different things to comment on in different posts of yours. The Top who currently plays with me expects me to show respect to her at all times. Sometimes she does not understand me. At one time she messaged me that she would have to rethink everything about me as she did not understand me at all. The very vast majority of time we see eye to eye on things. We have a ritual in our play times. In the actual Impact Play scene we start off with me being in a standing position to receive firstly attention from her hands. The very first thing she does is give my bare bottom a hand rub. This eases tension out of me and helps her to see what state I am in. I enjoy this activity very much. It does not last very long as very soon the hand rub turns into hand spanks. I think they start off gently. One may wonder why I am not certain of what exactly happens. This is because I am soon so caught up in what is happening that in a large respect I am out of it. I do not mind this at all as I am fully aware that my safety and enjoyment are in the hands and under the control of my Top. Very soon the hand spanks become hard. There is a pause in proceedings at this time. The next thing I experience is floggers being applied to my shoulders and upper back, firstly very softly and then you have probably guessed it harder. Then the floggers target my bare bottom and backs of thighs. Remember all this time I have been standing. I am told then that I can rest by bending over the arm of the couch I am standing by. Resting ah! That has never fooled me. the reason why I have been told to bend over the couch's arm is that otherwise with what is to come I will fall over. The next thing that I experience is canes and straps as well as floggers and a sjambok being applied to me. The last time we played a brand new strap based on the Canadian Prison Strap was used. Now one thing that you need to know about the Canadian Prison Strap is that this has to be applied hard, otherwise it does not work. This suits me fine as I love hard Impact Play.The entire session lasts about 1 hour.Just because this ritual is followed each time we play do not think that each session is exactly the same. In fact every time we have played has been different and even better than the previous session. In fact this particular Top who plays with me does not restrict our play time to just our hour's session. She enables us to make the entire evening our play time. This is accomplished in varying ways by such activities as getting me to kneel before her or using me for her footstool or caning my hands, either while I am standing in the corridor or while I am sitting in a chair, or giving me some light cane strokes over my trousers. On one occasion when I started falling asleep before our play session she bent me over a table and gave me three or four cane strokes on my bottom. It worked, I was wide awake after those!


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